Journal

[ChrisXKiss]

It seems like everyone has a slightly different, ideosyncratic way to do diet.

I haven’t been doing it a lot lately and maybe I should plan it a bit better, but I had a period when I was eating salmon and shrimps once per week, plus some nuts and dark chocolate every day and I felt it helped with libido adding to the foods you discussed.

 

[bobbyb112]

Do you watch porn or any erotic material?

No

 

[bobbyb112]

Good news on the boner front.

I saw one of my regulars, and had good sex, and was able to stay hard and enjoy it and whatnot. There are a few factors that I believe helped in getting and staying hard. Besides what I think were the big factors, there were about 20 other little things that I changed over the last 2-3 days to see if they would help. With so many factors changing, it can be hard to pinpoint if it was any one in particular. But there were some big factors that I think made the biggest difference.

I guess I will write about them here, as a way of reminding myself, for if it ever happens again.

-- Sleep: I find that I need to sleep no more than 8.5 hours at night. If I sleep more than 8.5 hours, then I actually feel MORE tired, and also less excited by sex. This has been a long-running experiment for me, where it seems that 8-8.5 hours of sleep is best, but if I go over that, I feel worse, and it can even affect my sex performance.
-- Temperature: It is the summer, and has been quite warm lately, including in my bedroom. It seems like this high temperature might negatively affect my boners. However, today it was colder, around 70 F in the bedroom when we were having sex. So that seems like it might help, to be colder. Solution is to blast the AC, to make sure that it is cooler.
-- Mental/Meditation: I meditated for a total of maybe 30 minutes this morning. It seemed like it help clear my head, so I could be more in the moment, and feel during sex, so that I wasn't in my head, was instead just feeling. Which helps prevent thinking about it, and you are just feeling in the moment instead.
-- Looking at pictures of girls on apps: I don't think it is helpful to look at the photos girls put on apps. It is just another version of training your brain to think about images of girls, instead of real life girls. I want to avoid this as much as possible in the future, even when swiping.
-- Eating: Eat a lot of food. Sometimes I tend to under-eat, and it probably doesn't help with metabolism or libido. But I made sure to eat a lot of food, so that might have helped.
-- Moist tongue: This might sound weird, but I made sure to have spit on the tip of my tongue during sex the whole time. It just feels more sexual, when your tongue is moist with spit. Then, you feel the wetness on your dick in her vagina, and you are turned on. I have no idea if this helped, but it seemed to help when we were having sex, to continue to be in it, in the moment, and more or less concentrating on the wet feeling on my johnson, which is pretty hot and arousing.
-- Starting without a condom: I went in raw for a few thrusts when we were starting, when my dick was getting ready. This felt really good, which made me harder. Then I put on a condom, which still seemed to be alright. So this might not have been necessary.

There you go, gentle reader. The random things my brain came up with as to why I could get it hard today, vs before. Those were just the big ones, but I had maybe 20 more things, which I won't go into here.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date with a girl.

Met at the bar. Moved to back deck. Got drink. Sat and talked. Went inside when it started raining. Sat for a bit and talked. Was getting late so she left.

The long story short of this one was that was significantly heavier than her pictures looked on the app. Which is too bad, because she otherwise had a solid job and was, you know, nice and normal. But she was just way thicker than her pictures looked. I basically immediately said in my head that no, I would not invite her back. But I tried not to show it, and decided to get a drink and talk and have a good time anyway, because I could use some socializing.

There were things to takeaway during this date.

The thing with a girl, when she tells you something not conducive to being a perfect girl or perfect match for you, you don't need to look disappointed. This is the idea of being non-reactive. You don't react negatively. Or like if she tells you something slutty she has done. Not that I judge girls for having casual sex, because I don't believe in the madonna-whore complex, or whatever that is. But the point is, when she tells you something that disappoints you, in your pursuit to find the perfect girle ever, you don't look disappointed. So, that is a skill that I tried to exercise on this date.

As for the venue, it really irks me, because it is just not a great "seduction" bar. It has too many open seats, and not enough closed away intimate spaces. On the plus side, it is not too expensive. And she got her own drink, so I didn't have to pay for that. That is helpful. Unfortunately the place I like bringing girls on dates the most, costs a bit more money. There is sort of a more dive bar place, which is cheaper. Maybe I will make that the go-to place. Just to keep it simple, easy, and cheap.

I also don't like when the girl is coming to the bar straight from work, on her way home. I guess it isn't the worst thing, as long as you start early enough, to give her plenty of time to come have sex, then go home. But in this one, I had to push the date later, which gave us an hour less time. So then she had to, naturally, say that she had to get home, since she lived at least a 45 minute train ride away, and had to get up in the morning. I couldn't start earlier, because I had a class at that time. That is why I typically start earlier.

With this girl, I kept it rather platonic, by not moving too close, or touching too much. In case you are wondering how to keep it platonic with a girl, y'all, it's to stay far away, and don't touch. Well, it worked plenty well here. The real goal is to find girls you want to turn it romantic with, and then get close, and touch.

=====

On another note, there is one girl who has seemed like she would meet up, on the weekend. Younger, 23, and more attractive than most girls you get on the apps. She lives far away from the city, like an hour or maybe even two. But she came to the city last weekend, with some friends, and texted a bit. We made plans to meet up, sort of, but then said she was with the friends. Then she reached out again this week, for a third time, about possibly hanging out on the weekend.

My comment on all this is, when you have your "girl pipeline" filled up enough, you basically don't worry about if girls get back to you or not. Chase had a X post about this recently. How, a lot of the "neediness" or "overthinking" a guy might have, is solved by having a consistent pipeline of girls. If one doesn't work out, or stops texting back, oh well. There's another. Pipeline cures many woes, as they say.

Moreover, with the two girls I've been seeing, it doesn't really leave a ton of time for new dates. I think I've been on only 2 new dates in the last month or so. Just because I've been busy seeing these current girls, as well as various other activities and whatnot. As Chase says, it's good to be busy. I literally message girls on apps, and get their numbers, and then forget to set up a date. Or set it up, and forget it was going to happen. Why? Because I'm busy with everything else going on.

This is good overall. As in, being busy is good. And having girls you're seeing is good. The only downside is, I could be spending more time and energy on meeting new girls, and improving my seduction skills, and meeting higher quality girls. So, maybe the "waste of time" is the two girls I'm seeing.

It is funny with the apps, because many of the girls you get with, are girls who are sleeping with lots of guys. As per one of Chase's recent X posts, too, that many of the high-count guys are sleeping with the high-count girls. This only makes sense, because those are just the people who are more sexually active and open to meeting new people. Moreover, the more new girls you have sex with, the easier it is to have sex with more girls. The experience improves your ability to seduce, all else being equal. Anyway, point is, when you start to see the high-count girls for what they are, there is something pure about it. Like, hey, this girl is here for sex, that's all it is. No, you won't want to see her again, or consider her for something long-term. But, you can have sex this one time, or maybe two, and then she's gone. But it is beautiful for what it is.

Conversely, the girls who stay around longer, tend to be ones that are better suited for whatever you are. That is, if you match more in, what, style and archtype, then you are what she likes, because you have tailored yourself for the kind of girls you like. I can't say I am that "specialized" yet. But, I can see how it happens. It's self-selecting, in a way.

All that is to say, is that I should do cold street approach instead of the apps more. Full stop. Because that is where the more attractive girls are.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

We met at the first place. Walked to second. Sat and had drinks. Talked. She was a talker, so plenty of talking on her part. I tried to pull. She said she was comfy there. We walked around a bit. Left.

It's kind of funny sometimes with when you are feeling good but low energy. That is, I converse, but it also is a bit low energy. My question is, how do you get the girl to invest, while still being law of least effort?

You could say that I didn't really want it. But in one way of thinking, being "outcome independent" should help. But on the other hand, if you are just going with the flow, then it won't turn out well. You have to want it, and to try. And then, you do things, which work, but you are doing it from a place of non-neediness.

I admit, I didn't really "want it". Is this conducive to seduction? One reason is, with the two girls I've been seeing regularly, including last night, it probably dulls my desire and sex drive to bring new girls into my life. I just am not as horny, after having sex last night. Maybe I should meditate beforehand, and decide that, yes, I am horny, and want to do what it takes to bring this girl into my bed. I didn't take a nap beforehand, which I often do. So maybe my energy was off that way.

On another note, I usually do not like doing first dates on Friday night. Why? Because people are in too social of a mood. Or, tired from the week. They want to socialize, and find something fun and outgoing to do. Not have sexy time with a stranger. So, generally, I am not a fan of Friday night first dates. I have had some success with first dates on Friday nights. But other times no, and the vibe is just not right. Or maybe it is me who is all those things, and I should make a conscious choice to be horny and try to seduce.

Another aspect of this, I need to find more attractive girls to go on dates with. By approaching daygame.

Sometimes I feel like, I should just as a girl upon first meeting from the app, "do you want to go have sex?". If she says yes, great. if she says no, end the date. Why? Because it wasn't going to happen anyway. Screen for ultra-down girls. I'm not saying I'll do this, but I might try it. I don't want to go on a boring date where she isn't into it, is boring, and won't get close, you know? Conversely, I need to channel that boldness into being more, well, bold. And that, through my actions, will turn her on. That is the way. Besides just screening for super-down girls. Which also is useful, for having more sex in general.

 

[bobbyb112]

Operation talk to girls on the street is commenced.

I am breaking this process down into little bite-sized goals and milestones, to build wins and build momentum. So I went out this morning with the purpose of talking to a girl waiting for the bus/train before work. Per Chase's article on morning rush hour approaching. The plan was to use his mass-transit opener, "going anywhere exciting?". My goal was to use this one time, as my goal for the outing.

I found a girl on the subway platform. Stood to the side of her, a little bit away. Turned and said "going anywhere exciting?". We chatted for a minute. I was standing kind of far away, so it didn't have as much oomph as it maybe could have. But it got me in the game.

I made the mistake of asking boring things, like if she had the next day off. With that opener, at that time of day, it is a bit tongue in cheek, because of course people are just going to work. As Chase says in the article. I have to get to teasing faster. As in, the second sentence. Make it fun. Teasing is what makes it fun and flirty. As a simple way to think about it, for that initial interaction, you can do one line of teasing/flirting, then one of "comfort" or "connection" stuff, like what she does for work.

For example, from his article, "what do you do for work?" (comfort) "I work a stylish booth at the mall" "Do you make other girls beautiful or do they just come to look at you?" (tease). You are switching between them both. If you tease too much, it feels like you are a player. If you do only comfort it feels like you are a platonic nice guy. So you want both.

I need to work on teasing. I can do this in my street approaches.

I didn't feel too nervous doing it. I guess due to past experiences, I didn't feel nervous actually doing it, although I did feel some apprehension/AA beforehand. But if that is all, then that is pretty handleable. I want to experiment deliberately with different places to approach, with some stock opens in each.

I'll put some here for my future reference. Maybe this will be a running list for myself:

Moving

• Walking on the street:
  • Hey excuse me. I saw you walking there and I had to come tell you that you have the nicest style I've seen all day (nose crinkle). I'm Bob.
  • I just had a second (/I have to get back to my friends)
  • I wanted to meet you real quick. I'm Bob.
• Waiting to cross the street:
  • Let me guess... going to work? (/shopping?).
  • Which way are you going on the other side of the road? (get number before you go separate ways)

Semi-stationary

• Waiting for bus/train
  • Going anywhere exciting?
• Shopping for groceries:
  • You: Hey do you know any good recipes combining this [hold up a random ingredient] with tomato sauce?
  • Girl: Um... no, I don't know if I do...
  • You: I'm kidding, I'm actually not that hopeless. I just thought you were pretty and I wanted to say hello. I'm Hector.

Sitting

• Sitting down on park bench
• Sitting in cafe/coffee shop

Probably the most important to get down is the street stop. That is the hardest/most extreme. It needn't be hard, though. Just practice it. It gives you the most options.

I also plan on tracking my "stats". Approaches, hooks, numbers, dates, etc. What gets measured gets managed.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

Met right at the bar. Sat, talked. Had her move close to me. Touched some. Tried to touch more, but she wasn't comfortable with it and moved my hand away. I basically shut down after that. Had some awkward conversation after that. Conversation died down. Invited her back for wine. She said "not at your place". Sat silently. I said it's getting late should probably get back. End of date.

I did what I came to do, which on this date, was to touch a lot, joke a good amount, and try to move things forward. A turning point, of sorts, came when I had her move next to me. I went to put my arm around her to pull her in close. She said something like "no, and by the way I don't want a hookup if that's what you're after." I responded saying "I don't want a hook up either. That's why I don't touch people" (said with playful tone. The implication being, I am a sexual man, and therefore I touch).

Before all this, we were talking easily enough. She was going along with certain frames that were useful, like spontaneous, and "going along with things" as far as what she was looking for. In other words, at this point of the interaction, I hadn't triggered her ASD. But putting my arm around her seemed to trigger it. I wonder if I was too aggressive or bold in how I did it, and if there was a lighter way I could have done it. She was one of those girls who sits next to you, but sort of at an angle, up against the wall, so sort of with her body far away. So, maybe this was all too much for her as far as getting physically close.

But my goal with it was to do my process, and move it forward, doing a good amount of touch, then more and more. Touch is a bit of a compliance check, before for example, if she gets weird if you put your hand on her leg, or around her shoulders, then it shows that some combination of you haven't done enough to get her ready, she's not ready yet, or she actually has no interest in you and is finally starting to show it.

After she declined my touch, I sort of backed off, and gave her more of the cold shoulder. Why wouldn't I? She had taken things backwards, and that's not what I was there for. From there, she asked kind of chick-y get you know you questions, like "how would your friends describe you?". In my mind I'm like, that's a stupid question, you dork. I did not say that. But I turned it back on her, asking "how would your friends describe YOU?". This worked like once, then she started getting annoyed that I was just turning her questions back to her. She started getting weird, asking if I was good at socializing. I'm like, yeah, when I want to socialize. But this is now a romantic situation, not dorky get to know you questions. So, we sort of sat quietly for a bit.

Anyway, when dates go like this, meaning you have asked for compliance or investment, and they decline it, and I'm like cool, you win back my attention. I'm not putting any more work in. The problem is, the girl is not socially savvy enough to do much that is conducive to seduction. So it's like, okay, guess we'll just sit awkwardly for a little bit. Which is fine with me. I like sitting and enjoying the music.

So, my plan going in was to touch a lot and move things forward. I did that. We ended after about 40 minutes. I'm okay with that, because if it isn't going to happen after 40 minutes, it isn't going to happen, in my experience.

This girl was a med student, and wasn't very expressive or engaging with her voice. I dislike this, because it is no arousing to me. Voice in a girl is surprisingly important to me. In any case, this girl's voice didn't seem like she was having fun, which doesn't make me want to do too much. But, I do it anyway.

So, I'm annoyed that I couldn't translate that initial interest into sexual interest. That is what i need to work on. Another thing is fundamentals, in terms of sitting with my legs wide, and a straight back. Taking up space. I find that taking up space makes you feel more masculine, and that is almost always good for seduction. I didn't do that on this date, and I think it could have helped.

I'm glad that I tried to touch a lot, because other times, I have dates where it is more platonic, and then you slow-game it (let her ask stupid questions, and not go home with you), and it leads absolutely nowhere (in my experience). In my mind, I hate answering girls questions at any time. Especially the ones that are like "do you have siblings?" "what do your parents do for work?". Kill me. But, my job as a seducer, is to field these unhelpful things, and turn them into constructive and helpful conversation topics.

Another element is teasing. This gets her "off her balance", which I could do more of. Tease HER. This helps sexualize things, too, later, because you have flirted with her at the start, and throughout. I have written about this before, but teasing HER, as opposed to joking in general, is important. Teasing and flirting is about her, rather than just jokes in general, which are more entertainer-y. I did the joke thing once or twice on this date, and I don't think it helped.

I hate writing this, but I have to. She got a mocktail, which gave me permission (in my mind) to just get a soda instead of an alcoholic drink. I LOVE dates when I don't have to drink alcohol. Seriously. I would enjoy dates tenfold if I didn't have to drink alcohol. I would go on dates every night of the week if I didn't have to drink alcohol. Usually, I just invite a girl out for a drink because that is an easy/common thing to invite a girl to do. Then, she feels the need to get alcohol, and then so do I, because I don't want her to feel weird about being the only one drinking. I like daytime dates for this reason, because I don't have to get alcohol. I would go on WAY more dates, if I didn't have to drink alcohol. I didn't realize how much better this would feel, but it really does. Okay, end of rant.

I probably should smile bigger/wider. More smiling. I used more of a smirk. Which is alright, but bigger smile probably would have helped.

I maybe should have used a less talkative, and more sensual vibe. I was rather talkative. I don't think this is "bad". Just, sensual could be more useful. At least that way, I wouldn't have to talk as much, or think as fast. Just feel, instead. Feeling seems like it is usually more conducive for a date.

It was funny, when I pulled back and didn't talk as much, and answered her questions with questions, and she got annoyed, she was like, this isn't how dates usually go. I'm like, yeah, and how many dates have you liked the guy and had fast sex? I'm 100% okay with not "being social", because that was not my goal for the date. Escalating and moving things forward was. But she wasn't used to that, and so she mentioned it.

The goal is to make everything so seamless, that she doesn't even notice that you're leading the date and she is getting more and more invested and aroused.

Another observation about socializing. I have never not regretted answering a question. Usually, because the questions are dumb. But, point is, my subjective feeling of happiness is never increased by sharing information about myself. Now, this is sort of weird, saying that you want to be social, but not share anything about yourself. All I'm saying is, I have never felt happier when I do share things. For example, if a girl asks a question, don't answer. What I'm describing is a mindset, not tactical advice. But never answer a girl's questions. Or other people, for that matter. Ask THEM questions. They are the ones trying to take up your precious time. Answer for me, something. Make it worth MY time for you to be in my presence.

This seems like the "I am the prize" mindset. The mindset is right, how you implement it can be better or worse. For exmaple, sometimes on dates, when I've tried to move things forward by touching or moving, but she declines the compliance, I'm like, okay, you entertain me. I'm here. You seduce me now. They invariably ask some not helpful question like "what music do you like?" or "do you have siblings?". Not helpful. I feel for them, as people who desire things. They know not how to get what they desire. As Chase said in one of his articles, girls are not social savants. But that's life. Girls make themselves attractive, so guys will do the work to seduce them. Guys do intersting things, to make girls attracted to them. And many guys practice "game", to actually turn that attraction into sex.

As another side rant... people giving advice about things they are decent at, but not great. My request is, have some self-awareness. If you are not great a thing, don't pontificate or give advice like it is the last word on the thing. A true teacher usually doesn't speak in absolutes.

I need to add more subtext to my speaking. Like a knowing, or innuendo type way of speaking. How do you do this? Through your tonality. Innuendo tonality. I should try this. Maybe I can practice it on my own.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a "date" with a girl.

It was Saturday night around 11. On the apps, she messaged. I invited her over. We drank some wine a little bit, then looked out the window at the view, and kissed and escalated. Had sex. Then talked for a while in bed. She left in the morning.

This one was, as you might say, pretty straightforward. When messaging, she said she was just chilling. I said maybe we can chill together. She said yeah I'm down for that. (meeting compliance established). Then I said she can come over and have some wine and talk and look out at my view. This move is inviting her directly over, while also giving her plausible "social deniability". For example, having some wine, talking, and view are all non-sex reasons to come over to mine. This is good, because it gives her plausible deniability. It also shows that I am "social" enough to meet and talk, and although having her directly over is pretty direct, it shows that I am social enough not to just pounce on her the moment I open the door. It is socially savvy.

Drinking wine is the activity, talking is the social, and the view is the justification for my place. I think another good justificiation for being at your place to do the wine/talking is having a dog. I think Alex with Playing with Fire uses his dog a lot. I have a decent view, although it is not spectacular, so I might want to come up with another reason to bring girls back to mine.

This is on a broader note, but I have felt and been much more "socially attuned" lately, meaning the last 2 weeks or so. This is because of work related stuff, where I have been socializing much more. It shows the power of just socializing, practicing your social skills. This, then, allowed me to handle this interaction with finesse (I feel like), rather than oafish cluelessness, which I have done at times in the past.

What, then, is the "key" to this social feeling? It is the vibe. What is the vibe? For me, it comes from squinting your eyes slightly, which slows down your breathing. Which makes you feel good. When you feel good, in a physical and breathing sense, you are non-needy, friendly, playful, in good mood, etc. So when you interact with people, they can feel that, and they want to interact with you in kind. In short, you are feeling good, and so you make others feel good too.

You can do thing basically through squinting your eyes slightly, and breathing slower. This gives you a slightly "stoned" feeling. Frankly, I think half the reason people like smoking weed or cigarettes is that it forces you to slow down your breathing, which gives you this good feeling, and feels good. But you can do it without inhaling substances. Just inhale air slowly instead.

This one was kind of interesting in the sense that, we talked, then had sex relatively quickly. Then we talked for a while afterwards. It was kind of a reverse-get-to-know-you. On the flip side, we could have just had sex, and she leave. Which is fine too. As it happens, I liked her personality more than many, so I was happy to sit on the bed and talk.

It's funny to me how straightforward getting good with girls can be. Meaning, just talk to everyone you come into contact with in your daily life, old, young, men, woman, etc, and you will bump into enough girls. Try to move things forward with girls, and you will get results in some manner. Just keep doing that, until you get better and better, and the sky is the limit. It's like, do more, get more results. Simple. Not easy. But simple.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

We met at one place, went to another. Talked. Touched some. I invited her back, but she said I'm not sure. She said she didn't feel a spark. I said that's fair. We paid the tab, and left.

I was way too in my logical headspace. Which is funny/ironic, because just yesterday I essentially said that I had cracked the code on feeling the vibe, and acting accordingly. But I was definitely too logical, and therefore nice and surface level, instead of fun and teasing. I'm not sure why I acted this way. My energy was not great, as I stayed up late last night. But that is no excuse.

She was visiting the city on vacation, so this could have been a layup. Or at least a lot easier, given she was visiting.

Also, motivation might have been less than it could have. She was slightly thicker than I thought she would be. I also was a little tired. I also had had sex 3 times in the last 2 days, with regulars and the new girl from the prior post, so I was perhaps a little sexed out. Combine those things, and I didn't really want to get it in, so to speak. Is there a way to change this, so you are literally horny all the time? I don't know. I hate coming here and writing that I felt like I didn't succeed because I wasn't attracted or horny enough to try to make it happen. But it feels like the case. The solution is to approach girls you actually would want to be on top of, which increases your motivation factor a lot. As far as horniness, Chase said he stopped doing FWB. I essentially have a few regulars right now, which is perhaps not helping with motivation for getting new girls. So there's that.

More notes: I hate drinking. We had a drink this time, and I really don't like that. Also, it was at night, which can be rough if you've had a long day and also didn't take a nap beforehand. For example, yesterday, I took a long nap in the afternoon. This gave me much more energy to close the girl that came over at night. If I hadn't taken that nap, I probably would have been too tired not to fumble the bag with that one, even though it was a layup regardless. Point is, energy helps, and for that, naps help. Motivation helps, horniness helps.

I am happy I did it, though, for the practice. Practice always helps. The right kind of practice.

 

[bobbyb112]

Question: How do I find out about a girl's sexual past, for purposes of screening for a gf/wife? What do I ask? When? I feel like I have little to no idea about the sexual past of the girls I'm seeing.

 

[bobbyb112]

I did 2.5 approaches today.

The first was not an approach, but a "ping". I was walking down the sidewalk, and there was a girl walking a big dog. It was pulling her all over the sidewalk. As I went past, I said "who's walking who, huh?" with a smile. "I know, right!", she said. Lesson: Pings are good for soft opening, and just being social. And being social, and talking to everyone, is pretty much the goal.

The second, she was walking the opposite direction on the sidewalk. I think she had headphones in, or was sort of looking at her phone but not too much. I veered over in front of her path and held up both of my hand and said "Excuse me" nice and loudly, and smiled. She kept walking, and said "Sorry I'm in a hurry". Lesson: Just approach anyway. It can seem less ideal if she has headphones in, she is talking on the phone, she is looking at her phone, she is looking very closely at her phone, and/or if she is walking fast. All of these are less conducive, at least it would seem, to a successful approach. However the lesson is, just effing approach anyway, because the worst thing that happens is she keeps walking. You lose nothing. You have everything to gain.

The third, she was walking towards me on the sidewalk. She had a black not too fancy dress. I stopped her and gave compliment. Talked. She was going to see an apartment. I told a short from when I was looking at apartments. She said you can have my number, I respect this (the approach). I said yeah? You wanna grab a drink sometimes? Sure, she said. She put her number in my phone. We talked another second, then parted ways. Lesson: Go for it, man. Nothing to lose. Everything to gain.

We'll see if she texts back. I don't know if I was memorable necessarily. I should have stood closer to her, to create more sexual attraction or tension, rather than platonic interaction. I am re-remembering from doing daytime approaches in the past, you have to stand close to her, for you and her to feel the sexual tension. I probably should focus on looking her in the eyes more, too. Having more focused eye contact.

As I walk around, just smiling to myself is a good thing. For one, it puts you in a good mood, because smiling puts you in a good mood. Second, girls can feel it from a distance, that if you are smiling to yourself, then their mirror neurons put themselves at ease more. Instead of, say, if you have a really serious face, then only break into a smile when you go to approach her. Just smile all the time, and that will likely help a lot more than not smiling. Rule of thumb.

I also play games with myself in my head, about which girls to approach, and why I am approaching general. These were mostly just jokes to myself, but also have a lot of helpful truth to them. For example, my justification for approaching a girl is, if she looks nice or has a sun dress or dress on, then she needs to know that she looks nice, and I am the one to tell her. Why? Because if I compliment things in the world that I like, like girls wearing dresses, then they will do it more. Of course. Compliment and reward the behavior you want more of.

She looks nice, and she needs to know. That is why I approach and tell her.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

We met at a first place. I planned on walking to a second. But she said she hadn't eaten, and would need a little bit of food. In my head, I'm like, screw this. But I decided to keep going with it, and just talk and have a social conversation. This happens not infrequently, but upon meeting this girl, and the food thing, I"m like, I should just ask her if she wants to have sex right now, and save all the time on the date. In other words, I wasn't very attracted to her, and wasn't super enthused about trying to make things happen.

But I decided to do go along with it, just for something to do. We went to a place that had food, in addition to drinks. We sat outside, opposite to each other (not good for seduction). Talked. She had one food item, and we both had drinks. She ate. We actually had good conversation, even though she was eating, slowly, the whole time. It took her literally an hour to finish a small plate of pasta. I guess it was because she was talking most of the time, which is a good thing.

On my end, what I have been working on is teasing, as well as having good posture, including a straight back, strong eye contact, and talking from the diaphram. I did this for most of if not all of the date, I felt, and teased her a number of times, which is good.

As far as the vibe, at one point I did an innuendo. She spilled condensation on her lap. I said, it looks like you're wet between your legs. She said, "stop it". And we continued. I can't say there was much of a sexual vibe. We also had basically no touching the whole time. No sex talk either, which you kind of need. She was adventurous and spontaneous, which is a good frame to set.

Towards the end, I said let's walk around some. She said what are we doing. I said I have some wine at my place, let's go grab a nightcap. She was like what is a night cap. I'm like a drink to cap the night. She said oh. I don't usually go to a guy's place on the first date now, I've been burned before, I need to get to you know better. I said that's fine. Let's walk around some.

We paid the bill. I paid for my drink, she for her stuff. We walked to a park. Sat next to each other. I put my arm around her. She was stiff with legs and arms crossed. She said I'm getting tired. I said let's call it a night. As we hugged to leave, I said "want to go have sex?" "are you being serious?" "yeah" "I have to get to know you first" "I'll take that as a no". "Have a good night". And we parted.

Like I said, this was one of those dates where, I'm like, if you don't want to have sex, I'm just not very interested. Or, interested in putting much effort in. I guess the corollary to that is, I shouldn't have to put much effort in. I should get her investing. I felt like I did that pretty well. With good posture, and having her talk a lot. I talked a lot too. Which isn't bad, I guess. You just want her talking more, or much more, than you.

In other words, I felt like she shared a lot. Which is good. Although, it wasn't super duper deep stuff. Maybe I could do a better job of that. As far as sexualizing, this definitely needed to happen more. The thing is, I'm not shy about asking her home. Or to have sex. As we saw. But I just don't know how to introduce sex as the topic of conversation, in a way that is conducive to seduction. For example, I predicted that she would say something those lines, that "I don't usually go home with a guy on the first date", when I asked her back. Thus, I should be able to prevent it. How? Sex talk. Turning her on. Sexualization. Chase framing. All these things.

At the same time, I'm not sure I was motivated enough to make it happen. Is that a cop out? Maybe. But I just wasn't very attracted to her. This is the trap with app dates. She's not that attractive, I don't want to touch or get close to her. Because she is kind of gross. That's tough to say. But it's kind of the truth. Like, girl, I'll sleep with you if you want. But don't let us be seen in public together, eh? And don't make me touch you beforehand. Maybe I just need to go after hotter girls. Ones that you would actually want to touch, for example. I don't know.

With these app girls, at this point, we meet up, and I'm like, I'm not attracted, let's just see if she wants to go have sex right now. If she says no, oh well, I don't really want to do this date anyway. But if I indeed asked this girl out, I would have felt bad doing that, and not even going on the date. So that is part of the reason I went through with the whole date. I'd feel bad having her come out, and just end it after 5 minutes.

On another note, about the food, that is basically the first time a girl has ever done that on a date, me asking them out for drinks, and them saying I need to have something to eat. Like, girl, eat dinner if you need it, I'm asking you out for drinks, not food. As far as "boundaries", if a girl comes and says she wants to get food, I probably won't do it, in the future. Unless she is attractive, and just wants something small, and it doesn't change out plans.

On a similar note, one date, it was for coffee, and the girl showed up with her dog. I would have ended the date right then, but she had bought my coffee already before I got there, so I'm like, what the heck, I guess I'll do whatever it is she wants to do date wise. We walked around with her dog and talked. I guess it was a walking date. I asked her back to mine at the end of the date, and she asked something like "wouldn't my dog get your apartment messy?" or something like that. I'm like probably not doing worry about it. She's like "well I can't" or whatever. She was another where I wasn't very attracted. That's probably why she bought the drink, to get me to go on the date.

Some of these dates, man. I should probably just not go on a date if the girl shows up and I'm not very attracted to her. What good can come of it? Just end the date. I don't know. I guess I practiced decent date methods tonight, with good posture and conversational teasing. I swear, though, I should just say "hey, want to go have sex?". If she says no, no worries. Have a nice night. Time saved all around.

Also, you can see from tonight's date how a few things are not good: 1. sitting across from each other 2. eating food on a date. Don't do it.

I hope this didn't sound like complaining. This is just me going through my thoughts.

It is odd, I have gotten the "I don't usually go home with a guy on the first date, I need to get to know you better" a few times over the last few months. This was basically the first times I have ever got these. Maybe it was because I was playing it too safe on these dates. Maybe it was because we talked about work stuff too much. I don't like talking about work, but some girls just are into their work a lot. Does that make it a good seductive conversational topic? Not sure.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

This was the girl whose number I got the other day. We met in front of a bar, but it was closed, so we walked to another. We talked. I invited her back. She said no. We walked for a little bit. She said she only budgeted 45 minutes for dates, so she had to get going. We parted.

This one was interesting enough. When I approached her, I thought she was like 32 or 33. But on the date she said she was 24. I might need a little more practice determining age. On the date, for logistics, we had to go to a place with not so good seating. The seating is not so good, because it is on the street, with people walking by. It is also really bright, which makes it not feel so "intimate". I prefer a dark corner, as it were. On the weekend, my preferred places are not open, and this place is kind of the only thing that's open. Also, there were a bunch of people around, including a family sitting next to us. So it felt weird making sex talk or sex jokes. So maybe I need to find a better Sunday evening date location. I have a place I could use, which is good because it is indoors, dark, in the back, with bench seats, and not too busy at that time, which are all good things. However, I'm not sure how good the AC is, and it might be too hot in there.

This girl was interesting enough. She invested, by telling me these things. Although, is it investing, if she is just talking about herself and stuff? I don't know. I got some touch, but not much. We were sitting on stools, which was kind of awkward to touch, because you had to reach over, and it was hard to get close to each other.

As far as my "vibe", I would say it was friendly and social, which is good. Some teases against her, which sometimes landed. But overall it felt too nice or platonic. At some point, you just have to get close physically. Which is almost impossible on a stool at an outdoor table.

As for her "blocking off 45 minutes for the date only", I'm not against it, I guess. I just don't think she felt that attracted, etc.

How can I create more sexual tension, is the name of the game. Getting closer, physically. On the approach, the other day, I don't think I stood close enough to her. I should have stood closer. On the date here, I didn't get close enough physically. And of course didn't touch enough. And didn't sexualize enough, verbally. So, yeah. Do all of that.

How can I get hornier? Maybe horny myself up before the date. I want her to feel my horniness. In a smooth way.

As far as lead source, street approach, I'm definitely glad I did this. My overall goal is to find girls I am attracted to, meaning younger, hotter, tighter, as Nick Krause says. I don't match with 24 year old's on the apps at all. So, that is why street approach is good, though. Heck, I need younger. 19. Why not. We need younger!

She texted saying "Thank you for drinks". I'm not sure if this is her saying "I want to be asked out again", or "I'm leaving the door open" or "I just want to say thanks, because I see myself as a generally thankful person but am not interested". It's hard to tell. Part of me wants to ask her to Venmo me money for the drinks. Or, how could I respond in a way that would keep it going forward? How about "sure thing, next round's on you ". If she responds, then it sets up the next date. If she doesn't, well then maybe I'll ask her out anyway, and see what happens. Maybe they would then say "thanks again but I'm not interested". Or I could just ask for her to send the money, as a way of like "I don't want you to think I feel entitled to anything because I bought you drinks." How about "no problem, you can get the next round ". I don't know why she keeps thanking me for these drinks.

I'm going to respond with this "no problem, you'll get the next round ". My prediction, using my prediction brain machine, is that she will not come out for another date. But, maybe she will. At least this tease preserves the status.

Was she engaging? Eh, sort of. Are some girls sexier than others? Probably. Did I like this girl's voice? Eh, sort of. I need a sexy voice. My the same token, I need a sexy voice myself, to create the same effect in girls.

Street approaching and day game is nice. You meet younger, probably more attractive girls. On another note, is Sunday night not a good time to do a date? She said she hadn't eaten yet. We met up at 7. She probably just didn't want to follow my lead, at the end of the day.

Younger girls are good. But I like those with voice tonality, a sexy voice, and who smile. This girl didn't do much of that. Like, get a personality, girl. And by personality I mean voice tonality. Girls can make themselves so much more attractive and engaging, with voice tonality. Same with guys. It works both ways.

 

[OldGuy]

Do not ask for money! Try for another date, and better time/location. Should have suggested getting something to eat when she said she had not eaten