- Joined
- Mar 11, 2024
- Messages
- 202
Background: I'm in my early 60s, 6-foot plus and regarded as very handsome by many if not most women. It's because my physique is toned and fit (a full six-pack on a man my age is rare) I've got a good jawline and noble brow. I should be brimming with confidence. And I am not. I feel raw and wounded. When I was 18, that was the romantic ideal, Sorrows of Young Werther and all, but at my age, it feels like an oppressive burden. What if I never meet another woman I find as attractive?
(I am completely blown away by what Chase and his colleagues have built since the last time I checked in about 12 or 13 years ago. Way to go! This place is the most positive and supportive forum on the web by far).
I've been married twice, divorced twice, came out of a 10-year-relationship about 18 months ago that was pretty close to perfect til the pandemic, and have dated a lot since. Slept with seven women in the interim, none of whom I'd consider for a LTR. Mostly because they were less than half my age. My lifetime body count is less than 100 but probably close to 80.
I live in a small town, where I have outstanding social value and a solid reputation as a community leader. Also for being a ladies' man and all-around sexy guy.
The proximate problem is I've developed an intrusive obsession with a woman I've only slept with once. Textbook limerence. It's been two months since she broke up with me and it's just getting worse.
This is the sixth time it's happened to me since my first incident at age 12. It can take me two or three years to get over it - and no amount of sleeping with other women cures it. In fact, judging by the two new lays since, it makes it worse. I need help from people who know first-hand what's going on. Therapy is important, but I can't share the same understandings with a therapist.
Another part of the problem is that in three of those prior incidents I did get into a long-term relationship with the object of my fascination. In fact, of the ten most beautiful women I have seen in my life, I have slept with three, married one and still sleeping on and off with another. So it makes me feel, not unjustified, that I can turn around any situation and "get the girl." What I should be doing is focusing on getting beyond her, understanding Chase's Paradox that the best way of getting her back is by getting past her. I believe I've hooked her enough that I'm confident she won't ever forget me. Given the amount of public attention I get, forgetting me would be nearly impossible.
In this case, I felt like I employed my best seduction skills - witty banter, deep diving, compliance, moving her from place to place, getting her back to my place, escalating fast, etc. Did not sleep with her on the first meetup (not a date), though everything but actual penetration. Second date, cooked for her (works every time) and we spent four hours getting after it. It was a little awkward at first, a little performance anxiety, but I acquitted myself well and gave her a good time. It's generally by the third lay that, for me, anyway, the feminine-masculine polarity synchronizes and then it's off to the races. In my considerable experience, the time between the third fuck and the 20th is typically one week or less.
We were making plans and flirting furiously via text and voice as we set up the next encounter. Next outing didn't happen because reasons. I suggested a couple of fun alternatives, she said she had other plans for the morning, said we could do lunch. At lunch I asked if she was available that night. She said no. I said, "So it's not happening then, eh?" No, she said. "It's moving too fast." I said, "I don't remember asking if you wanted to go steady." She shook her head. She also mentioned the age thing - barely over a decade. In fact, she's the third or fourth oldest girl I've dated since my breakup. I took it stoically, though I was distraught on the inside. I really liked this girl. Smart, funny, beautiful. Exactly my type. Exactly everyone's type.
I figured from casual remarks she's made about other dudes, that she might have gotten serious with one, or felt bad about hanging out with me. Or who knows?
I felt that gnaw in my stomach when she refused my offer to hang out. If I was on my game, I would have canceled lunch and backed way the hell up, no contact. In similar incidents in the past, I would slip away and not contact the girl for five, six months, and then ping her. It works more than half the time. Time is like a tide, after a few months, all that will be left in a woman's memory is the high points - this tall sexy sweet talker was a lot of fun and yes please just what the doctor ordered.
In fact, I've got five or six women on standby now from previous lays and other interactions that are ready to go on short notice. As I said earlier, all of whom I'd of been happy to be with in ordinary circumstances. None of them were near as attractive to me now. That's what's plaguing me - I've been here before, and it can cause me to miss out on awesome opportunities right under my nose. That's what happened with my 10-year-relationship - she was a rebound from my most recent limerence struggle and it ended up being the best relationship I've had, by far.
We texted a few times afterwards, I played it cool and funny. No neediness, not eager to get her out again. She suggested a few meetups, but they didn't happen, and I got the feeling she wasn't invested emotionally. But then this past week, I reached out to her about something unrelated and SHE suggested we get together. I played it cool, left the ball in her court, and she texted morning of, said the day got away from her, let's reschedule. No firm plans.
Meanwhile, I'm having these endless conversations with her in mind. She's the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing before I slip off into sleep. She said she'll reach out next week, but I'm fairly sure it won't happen.
My goal here is to document my "recovery." I'll try to post a couple three times a week about my attempts and approaches, other dates, lays etc. I would love some insight and suggestions in the meantime.
(I am completely blown away by what Chase and his colleagues have built since the last time I checked in about 12 or 13 years ago. Way to go! This place is the most positive and supportive forum on the web by far).
I've been married twice, divorced twice, came out of a 10-year-relationship about 18 months ago that was pretty close to perfect til the pandemic, and have dated a lot since. Slept with seven women in the interim, none of whom I'd consider for a LTR. Mostly because they were less than half my age. My lifetime body count is less than 100 but probably close to 80.
I live in a small town, where I have outstanding social value and a solid reputation as a community leader. Also for being a ladies' man and all-around sexy guy.
The proximate problem is I've developed an intrusive obsession with a woman I've only slept with once. Textbook limerence. It's been two months since she broke up with me and it's just getting worse.
This is the sixth time it's happened to me since my first incident at age 12. It can take me two or three years to get over it - and no amount of sleeping with other women cures it. In fact, judging by the two new lays since, it makes it worse. I need help from people who know first-hand what's going on. Therapy is important, but I can't share the same understandings with a therapist.
Another part of the problem is that in three of those prior incidents I did get into a long-term relationship with the object of my fascination. In fact, of the ten most beautiful women I have seen in my life, I have slept with three, married one and still sleeping on and off with another. So it makes me feel, not unjustified, that I can turn around any situation and "get the girl." What I should be doing is focusing on getting beyond her, understanding Chase's Paradox that the best way of getting her back is by getting past her. I believe I've hooked her enough that I'm confident she won't ever forget me. Given the amount of public attention I get, forgetting me would be nearly impossible.
In this case, I felt like I employed my best seduction skills - witty banter, deep diving, compliance, moving her from place to place, getting her back to my place, escalating fast, etc. Did not sleep with her on the first meetup (not a date), though everything but actual penetration. Second date, cooked for her (works every time) and we spent four hours getting after it. It was a little awkward at first, a little performance anxiety, but I acquitted myself well and gave her a good time. It's generally by the third lay that, for me, anyway, the feminine-masculine polarity synchronizes and then it's off to the races. In my considerable experience, the time between the third fuck and the 20th is typically one week or less.
We were making plans and flirting furiously via text and voice as we set up the next encounter. Next outing didn't happen because reasons. I suggested a couple of fun alternatives, she said she had other plans for the morning, said we could do lunch. At lunch I asked if she was available that night. She said no. I said, "So it's not happening then, eh?" No, she said. "It's moving too fast." I said, "I don't remember asking if you wanted to go steady." She shook her head. She also mentioned the age thing - barely over a decade. In fact, she's the third or fourth oldest girl I've dated since my breakup. I took it stoically, though I was distraught on the inside. I really liked this girl. Smart, funny, beautiful. Exactly my type. Exactly everyone's type.
I figured from casual remarks she's made about other dudes, that she might have gotten serious with one, or felt bad about hanging out with me. Or who knows?
I felt that gnaw in my stomach when she refused my offer to hang out. If I was on my game, I would have canceled lunch and backed way the hell up, no contact. In similar incidents in the past, I would slip away and not contact the girl for five, six months, and then ping her. It works more than half the time. Time is like a tide, after a few months, all that will be left in a woman's memory is the high points - this tall sexy sweet talker was a lot of fun and yes please just what the doctor ordered.
In fact, I've got five or six women on standby now from previous lays and other interactions that are ready to go on short notice. As I said earlier, all of whom I'd of been happy to be with in ordinary circumstances. None of them were near as attractive to me now. That's what's plaguing me - I've been here before, and it can cause me to miss out on awesome opportunities right under my nose. That's what happened with my 10-year-relationship - she was a rebound from my most recent limerence struggle and it ended up being the best relationship I've had, by far.
We texted a few times afterwards, I played it cool and funny. No neediness, not eager to get her out again. She suggested a few meetups, but they didn't happen, and I got the feeling she wasn't invested emotionally. But then this past week, I reached out to her about something unrelated and SHE suggested we get together. I played it cool, left the ball in her court, and she texted morning of, said the day got away from her, let's reschedule. No firm plans.
Meanwhile, I'm having these endless conversations with her in mind. She's the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing before I slip off into sleep. She said she'll reach out next week, but I'm fairly sure it won't happen.
My goal here is to document my "recovery." I'll try to post a couple three times a week about my attempts and approaches, other dates, lays etc. I would love some insight and suggestions in the meantime.
Last edited:
makes sense. Waiting to get a therapist who is cleared by my insurance. I’ve thought about ketamine. Hadn’t thought about mdma.
