Looking STUPID

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
Hi, long time lurker first time poster on new boards here.

Hoping for advice on a super persistent issue that I just can't seem to shake... and it's really dragging me down.

I have this INTENSE phobia of looking stupid, bad, etc.

It's like an animal brain kind of thing, I mean on an emotional level I start to freak out in situations I'm unfamiliar and uncomfortable with.
And sadly, while I'm pretty sure I know where to trace it (childhood of course).. knowing that doesn't seem to help changing it.

Not only does it keep me from approaching women, but trying new things, and I'm slowly becoming a hermit. I think it also impairs my ability to relate to other people in part because I'm embarrassed by my lack of life.

"Hey how was your weekend? "

"Uh.. Fine.."

"What did you do?"

"Uh.. Hung out and played video games... again.. "

Any input would be appreciated. Cheers.
 

Velasco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
36
Any time you do anything stupid. Just remember your probably never going to see this person ever again so fuck it lol. Ah well that was embarrassing but oh well. Move on.

And if you do something stupid in front of someone who you WILL probably see again. Just remember that its not going to matter 5-10 years from now. (Do you remember that time you did something stupid in front of that guy/girl back in 2014. Remember how embarrassed you felt? And maybe just now recalling this memory you kind of cringe a bit just thinking about it? Well where is that person right now? You think they still give a shit about that time you did something stupid ?)

And then there is the ultimate frame. Which is remembering that were all gonna be dead one day. So really none of this shit these people are gonna think I'm a fucking loser is gonna matter anyway. So just do you lol
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
Any time you do anything stupid. Just remember your probably never going to see this person ever again so fuck it lol. Ah well that was embarrassing but oh well. Move on.

And if you do something stupid in front of someone who you WILL probably see again. Just remember that its not going to matter 5-10 years from now. (Do you remember that time you did something stupid in front of that guy/girl back in 2014. Remember how embarrassed you felt? And maybe just now recalling this memory you kind of cringe a bit just thinking about it? Well where is that person right now? You think they still give a shit about that time you did something stupid ?)

And then there is the ultimate frame. Which is remembering that were all gonna be dead one day. So really none of this shit these people are gonna think I'm a fucking loser is gonna matter anyway. So just do you lol
This all makes sense. Guess it's a matter of reminding myself of it, reinforcing these truths in my head. Especially when I'm about to do something out of my comfort zone (to put it mildly).

Thanks!
 

Tony D

Tribal Elder
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Jul 26, 2018
Messages
98
This comes down to whether or not you wish to be a follower, or a leader. Look at a guy like Trump, for example. The mainstream media tries to make him look stupid every day. They edit clips, take phrases out of context, mock him, daily, all day. What does he do? He does what he always does... he just does him. He's still Trump, still tweeting, still saying funny shit. He even gets upset and reactive, but what he doesn't do is APOLOGIZE.

Be unapologetic. Be You. To be a leader means creating what's cool, not trying to interpret what others see as cool. If playing video games is your thing, then own it. I just spent four hours last night playing a game called Dayz. It was an epic waste of time. I was surprised when a gang of three survivors burst into the building I was looting, and I shot one in the face with my automatic rifle. Then I got on the mic, negotiated peace terms, and joined their gang. Now today I'm writing articles for GC. Tonight I'll go to the gym, then the pool with my buddy. Maybe I'll go to a bar after that.

Could something embarrassing happen in that time frame? Of course. But it's MY time and I'll do what I want with it.

Learn to be less humble. Be a dick. Be a leader, not a follower. Risk failure. Risk embarrassment.
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
This comes down to whether or not you wish to be a follower, or a leader. Look at a guy like Trump, for example. The mainstream media tries to make him look stupid every day. They edit clips, take phrases out of context, mock him, daily, all day. What does he do? He does what he always does... he just does him. He's still Trump, still tweeting, still saying funny shit. He even gets upset and reactive, but what he doesn't do is APOLOGIZE.

Be unapologetic. Be You. To be a leader means creating what's cool, not trying to interpret what others see as cool. If playing video games is your thing, then own it. I just spent four hours last night playing a game called Dayz. It was an epic waste of time. I was surprised when a gang of three survivors burst into the building I was looting, and I shot one in the face with my automatic rifle. Then I got on the mic, negotiated peace terms, and joined their gang. Now today I'm writing articles for GC. Tonight I'll go to the gym, then the pool with my buddy. Maybe I'll go to a bar after that.

Could something embarrassing happen in that time frame? Of course. But it's MY time and I'll do what I want with it.

Learn to be less humble. Be a dick. Be a leader, not a follower. Risk failure. Risk embarrassment.
I hear you, being a leader demonstrates alpha traits. If your life is a shitty shambles now it's better to accept yourself , enjoy yourself, than become or show you're depressed about it.

I come from a mindset (at least for now) of not being a leader nor follower. Say I went to a Meetup. I'm not going to try and take over the activities ( for an example) but neither am I going to act like a subservient ninny. I've come to a point I can see where and how I have value.

I'm having trouble expressing this, but I think a big part of this is that I may be inconsistent. I do come across alpha but sometimes there may be cracks in that expression, and then (at the risk of sounding whiny) people start taking shots. You might be surprised how deeply psychologically ugly someone you've just met can be. And yeah I'm at the point where I don't show the impact, I'd be lying if it hasn't. And for me, being a dick seems to end up leaving me in a solitary space, despite my value. I think what's happening is a frame battle where people don't agree with me - don't see the value I believe I have.

It's like why am I trying to do this if I'm going to face resistance a lot of the time and emotional bludgeoning. I enjoy myself at home quite a bit. But I know I'm capable of so much more. It seems like people think for whatever reason that I shouldn't have what I want.

But yeah.. I know I have to push myself more. Anyway, thanks for the input Tony!
 
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DML

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Sep 1, 2019
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Being a people pleaser and scared of other's reactions is bad. No matter what you do, what you say, what you like - everybody won't agree with you. Why not be hated on something you really like than something fake you say you like? I love pineapple on pizza. A lot of people hate pineapple on pizza. Does it matter? Fuck no. What really matters is the emotional experience people feel when they are with you. By giving answers like you don't really enjoy what you do, you don't really own it - it will only make their impression of you worse. Own yourself and be yourself. "I played Call Of Duty all night long, destroyed a bunch of 13 year olds, and annoyed them like a motherfucker". People don't give shit about what you are into. They just want to know that you are real.

When you talk to people focus making everything you say come from 3 places.
1. Fun
2. Carefree
3. Passion

Do this for a week and post your results.
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
Being a people pleaser and scared of other's reactions is bad. No matter what you do, what you say, what you like - everybody won't agree with you. Why not be hated on something you really like than something fake you say you like? I love pineapple on pizza. A lot of people hate pineapple on pizza. Does it matter? Fuck no. What really matters is the emotional experience people feel when they are with you. By giving answers like you don't really enjoy what you do, you don't really own it - it will only make their impression of you worse. Own yourself and be yourself. "I played Call Of Duty all night long, destroyed a bunch of 13 year olds, and annoyed them like a motherfucker". People don't give shit about what you are into. They just want to know that you are real.

When you talk to people focus making everything you say come from 3 places.
1. Fun
2. Carefree
3. Passion

Do this for a week and post your results.
Lot to chew on -

I agree with you, and for sure am going to work on this.

I don't say I like things I don't .. But I could definitely own my shit more. My surroundings were definitely not geared towards me doing that but change is always an option.

I've seen more than my share of shitty consequences, and I guess that's where the fear comes in. Downward spiral.

But I see really being me - and putting out those ideas of fun, carefreeness and passion are the way to go. Will do and thanks!
 

Hector Papi Castillo

Tribal Elder
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Dec 2, 2013
Messages
2,547
Being stupid is actually super attractive, if you play it right. Sometimes I wish I was a bit more stupid. It would be easier to think more clearly and be oppressed less by my own self-reflections.

Intelligence isn't all good and should definitely be applied only when necessary. And since this is a seduction forum, this is one place where intelligence hurts more than it helps.

A lot of my natural friends are definitely sharp and can figure out situations well enough...but in other ways, they're really fucking stupid and PRIMAL.

Be more PRIMAL. Animalistic. One thing you can do is walk around with your mouth slightly agape. You'll look a bit less sharp, but you'll look more relaxed and also tougher. When you see a meat head, do you think he's smart? No, he's retarded. But, you respect him a bit. This primal respect is more important to socializing and seduction than you think. Some of the BEST naturals I know? Man, they're fucking so stupid. The best seducer I've ever met admitted to me he had never read a book in its entirety (and no, he didn't go to college. High school education). And this the kind of guy who is friends with legit celebrities and picks up 10's every weekend (NOT an exaggeration) with EASE. His stupidity makes him less intimidating (good for attainability), and also makes girls approach him, since they can read him as the "dumb hot cock" and jump on it themselves. However, in some ways, especially with social maneuvers, he's BRILLIANT. He can easily tell when people are lying and also can lie quite well himself.

So I'll give some unorthodox advice here and suggest you maybe allow yourself to be more stupid and EMBRACE it. Feel like a caveman. Don't be afraid to give boring, dumb answers.

BUT, while being stupid, you need to work on your fundamentals. Get in shape, dress well, learn how to speak with a sexy voice and express yourself very colorfully with your face. It'll make the short, dumb sentences you make that much more interesting.

Fundamentals + "low IQ" + sexuality = God-tier seduction

It's the most fuckboy you can be and is the kind of behavior that gets you 500+ lays. Now do these guys have problems with relationships and making $$ in life? Generally.

But just be smart and HIDE your intelligence.

Hector
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
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Oct 9, 2012
Messages
3,218
Superlife,

You have a lot of great responses in this thread. I agree with them all.

Like @Velasco says, you're never going to see most people again. There is another consideration here: most people don't know you, and most people are also just as afraid of looking stupid as you are. A lot of the time when you are doing things you think might make you look stupid, other people are secretly looking on wishing the could be as bold and confident as you are at trying new or difficult things.

I think one of the major obstacles to people not taking a lot more classes, and a lot of other risks they want to take, is this discomfort of looking incompetent and stupid. It sucks being in a martial arts class, or a sports class, or any other class, and feeling like some low-skill guy who doesn't know what he's doing. I suspect it's a major reason why lots of people drop out.

There's a trick with public speaking of "Imagine the audience members in their underwear."

There's something similar like that with anything where you fear looking stupid: "Imagine these people looking on, in awe of your ability to put yourself out there doing something they're too afraid to do."

I had the people-pleaser thing @DML talks about, where I wanted everyone to think well of me and never poorly of me, back when I sucked with people. It's crippling. You can't do anything, because anything you do could make you look bad. And looking bad is a no-no.

When you flip it to "People will hold me in awe for doing things they're too scared to do", it completely reverses.

It's a way to turn the people-pleaser thing on its head.

Now you actually gain points with other people by doing "stupid stuff."

And... it's absolutely the case.

Think of anyone you can imagine doing "stupid stuff."

  • Think of the low-skill guy who nevertheless is there in his martial arts class, volunteering when the instructor calls for volunteers, whiffing his strikes, but working doggedly at improving.

  • Think of the low-skill guy you see walk up to a stunner at a bar and try his luck with her. Even if she blows him off after a minute, he was in there, chatting with her... something a bunch of much more attractive, seemingly-cooler guys lacked the balls to even attempt.

Both these guys, while obviously low-skill and still far away from where they might eventually get to if they keep at it, are impressive in their own ways.

This is something to strive for if you're of the "I don't want to look stupid" mentality.

Just realize is the stupidest-looking guy is the one sitting around, twiddling his thumbs, not getting involved, doing nothing.

The coolest-looking guy in most situations is the guy who throws himself out there, a little recklessly, a little too cavalier given his capability, but bold nonetheless.

Sure, if there's a super-capable guy who's also cavalier, that guy looks cooler.

But those guys are actually pretty rare.

If you are bold, often you'll be one of the few or the only such guys in attendance, wherever you are.

Most people are too paralyzed by this same fear you're talking about.

If you can be one of the few willing to throw himself out there, people will look on at you in awe and wonder how you can be so confident.

They won't even care much about the fact you aren't very good at whatever it is you're doing.

They'll just be impressed by the fact you are doing it.

Chase
 

Velasco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
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Messages
36
@Superlife

Along the lines of what Chase wrote above on throwing yourself out there and doing things others are too scared to do, here's a classic breakdown of that "guy dancing on the hill" video on being unstifled by PUA legend, YaReally, for inspiration
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When you first walk into a nightclub everyone is STIFLED. They’re in their heads and they WANT to have fun and express themselves but they’re scared to be the first ones to do it. If you can lead the way though, or help someone ELSE lead the way (like encouraging someone else who’s taking the lead…I’ll always clap for the first group of girls to go on the dance floor to help reward them for taking the social risk of getting out there and to encourage other girls to join them because once another group joins them it’ll start the herd and the party will start because now they all have permission to be unstifled).


Shit to pay attention to:

1) listen to these two cackle away talking shit. This is what most people are like, they live in a negative mindset full of negative value-taking thought loops and anyone around them that expresses themselves they want to just drag them into the bucket with them for it. Haters gon’ hate and all that. But pay attention to what they’re saying…they mock this guy for 5 minutes and the camera guy even jokes that the reviewer girl should count how many people dance with this weirdo loser freakshow (he doesn’t use those words but that’s what he’s saying with his tonality). But then what happens when the crowd rushes in? The stupid chick that was talking shit the whole time and her friend are like “omg wanna go down??” and go join the crowd. They spend 5 min talking shit and looking down on him but once he had social proof and preselection, because women ping off their environment for how to feel, they want to run down and join and they will probably never comprehend their own complete emotional 180 they did and will never realize how cunty they were being about the guy until he suddenly had value.

2) Look how little fuck he gives about what anyone thinks. In HIS mind everyone ELSE is crazy for NOT dancing and having fun like he is. He even tries to encourage the crowd at points waving his arms up like c’mon why aren’t you guys dancing??? He KNOWS they all WANT to but they don’t have PERMISSION to yet…whereas he GIVES himself permission to, because he’s so internally confident and comfortable in his skin.

3) he’s not busting out GOOD dance moves, but it doesn’t matter, he’s expressing himself in the moment and having fun with NO self-restraint or judgement

4) listen to these cackling douchebags make gay jokes and shit. the dude is just comfortable and doesn’t care. But notice how fast that shit puts other guys into their head. When I AMOG I’ll often make gay jokes because guys don’t know what to do when you get into that territory and girls love that I'm secure enough with sexuality in general to be able to joke around. The main thing though is that these critics are laughing away because they’re STIFLED and value-taking and they’re trying to make themselves feel better by trying to frame what the guy’s doing as low-value behavior and shaming him for expressing himself. They’re shitty people and will probably never understand that they are. A lot of people talk shit when you approach girls regularly…they sit on the sidelines heckling because they know they don’t have the balls to do what you're doing and be as unstifle
d as you are. They need to try to stifle you back inside you're head so you feel ashamed and sit down and shut up falling back in line with them so they can feel like they’re taking right action by being stifled instead of feeling inadequate for not being as free as you are.

But understand if you hold your frame and can build your value, those exact same people will end up loving you and wanting to be a part of your vibe because deep down they don’t WANT to be negative shitty assholes, they WANT to be free like you, but they can’t give themselves permission to do it.

5) note how a handful of guys TRY to go join the dude but he keeps dwarfing their comfort zone and they end up freezing up stifled and running away. Compare the first guys with the brown shirt dude at the end who’s doing goofy handstands and shit and gives no fucks about looking retarded as he’s fully unstifled.

6) At 1:47 this other dude runs over and is like “whatever man fuck it, I know you’re harmless and just having fun, fuck these other people for laughing and being stifled go ahead and spank my ass lol” This is like the Chris Farley party guy vibe, this is the guy you WANT at your party because he’s going to be a fun dude who encourages other people to have fun instead of SHAMING them like the critic assholes.

7) Next a chick gives him some preselection…doesn’t matter if she’s hot or not, that’s a girl saying “I approve of you”.

8) Asian guy goes to try to get unstifled and the shit-talkers keep it up. There’s no need for any of this shit…spread good positive vibes. I would be clapping for this dude.

9) At first the guy is skeptical of the asian dude’s intentions (thinks he’s trying to tool him) but when the asian guy reasserts that “no I’m legit” the guy initiates him with the most “toss him in the deep end” thing he can do to make SURE his intentions are legit. Like “ok you REALLY want to play? Then here you go, BOOM!!!” ’cause that will scare the guy off if he was just there to tool him. But if he plays along and lols and stays then his intentions are probably pure. Plus that sudden random spanking is basically helping the asian guy unstifle…like if he was worried about embarrassing himself in front of everyone (which he kind of looks like when he approaches, he has stifled body language), he couldn’t hold onto that worry after that spank because it’s like “you can’t embarrass yourself any more than you just have by being spanked” lol Which allows the asian guy to unstifle. This is similar to Ozzie’s approach where he pushes students to approach the HARDEST sets first instead of the easiest or another approach of purposely getting shot down as hard as possible the first few sets of the night…by fully embarrassing yourself, you lose all hopes of protecting your ego and, because you didn’t die, your brain is like “well shit, okay I guess we can just do whatever we want tonight then” and lets you loose to be unstifle.

10) watch the asian dude, it’s a pretty interesting glimpse at stifled body language. From the time he goes over there he’s delaying and hesitating (even finishing his drink is a part of avoiding jumping into the deep end of the pool), and after the spank watch his body language, the other guy goes immediately back to expressing himself and the asian guy is doing overexaggerated laughing to stall for time because his brain is panicking. He even tries to wave the guy over to pull the guy into HIS frame and then when the guy is having none of it, the strongest frame always wins and the asian guy FINALLY pushes through his brain’s resistance and rolls up his sleeve and goes fuck it and starts to loosen up. And BECAUSE he’s making an effort for REAL now, the dancing guy accepts him and encourages him and tries to teach him his ways.

He’s even giving him legit advice on how to balance and do his posture properly to do the moves, like he’s giving pure value…fully accepting of the guy. Like I say high-value people having fun WANT everyone else around them to have fun too

11) Asian guy stifles right back up the second the song stops, you can read it in his body language and his fake exaggerated laughter. Those are all stalls for time. When you can read this stuff infield in the moment and know exactly what it means you can basically see inside people’s heads and know where they’re at better than THEY do. Asian guy wouldn’t be able to express that he’s stifled or that he unstifled for a moment but went back inside his head when the song ending caused a state break for him (similar to when you leave the bar with a girl and enter bright lights and shit and her state breaks) or any of this shit, but it’s neon green lights to me because I have field experience and being able to read people’s body language is useful.

13) at 4:25 the guy turns to the crowd and tries to get them to join him with his jumping arm waving. Pause the video at EXACTLY 4:31 and look at the crowd. Pretty much all of the dudes are ignoring the guy and staring ahead or away from him. But look at the girls. Nearly every girl’s head is turned to look at this guy who just did huge expressive unstifled movements

Look at the blonde tanned chick in the white shirt sitting at the top of the screen…WATCH HER. Her name is now BlondeChick

14) BlondeChick for the rest of the video doesn’t take her eyes off this guy. She’s stifled herself but wants to NOT be stifled…that’s why she’s clapping for him, she’s encouraging him and wishes she could do what he’s doing but she’s too in her head to do it so all she can do is clap. But this guy is fully on her radar as a beacon of value to her in that environment. She turns to her friend for a sec probably to say omg this guy is awesome and then she’s back fully focused on him. She’s one of the hotter girls in the area…the hotter the girl the more she appreciates the value of a guy who’s fully unstifled in public and gives no fucks about other people’s opinions of him.

Would ANYONE look at a photo of this scrawny little weirdo and go “That’s an alpha dude!”? Fuck no. Not even BlondeChick. But IN THE MOMENT, in that environment, when he’s unstifled like that, he has value to her and if he went over to her to encourage her to dance with him she would very likely join him and it wouldn’t be difficult for him to lead and escalate things into partying together later and isolating her and banging her.

Keep watching BlondeChick, as the social proof builds when the crowd comes in she just loves him even more.

15) If I hadn’t pointed them out, would you have seen any of that? There’s an entire world of subcomms and social dynamics going on around you that your still only barely scratching the surface of being aware of. This is happening all around you, in all your environments. These little dynamics are why I don’t get into fights and why it’s hard for guys to take my girls…I can read their intentions a mile away before they even enter my set. I can read their fucking mind when I see them glance at my set from across the room just CONSIDERING entering it and I’m already laying the groundwork for handling the interrupt or avoiding it entirely before they can step in. It’s why I know which girls will probably be the friendliest ones to open at the start of the night. There’s so much value in learning to read these subcomms and little social dynamics that are going on in realtime. you will never learn to spot them from just reading shit online…get the fuck out in the field as much as possible.

16) 4:55 asian guy caves to the social pressure after getting back to being fully stifled and runs off.

17) 5:00 as this little skinny dancing guy is spreading value to his new BFF showing him how to dance free and expressive (there’s a Friends episode where Phoebe teaches Rachel how to “jog” at the park running waving her hands around retardedly like she’s 10 years old and explains how don’t you just want to let go and be carefree like when you were a kid who cares what people think lol), as he’s doing that these cacklers are already planning to mock the guy

The guy comments that she should try to keep a number of how many people dance with him lolololz Listen to the tone in his voice on the word “DANCED” with this guy like, UGH, I’m too COOL for THAT. I’m James Bond at the club, I would never run around and have FUN like those loser PUAs ugh, I just wear my fitted suit and lean against the bar being COOL…let’s number these guys as we look down on them from our high horse of stifledness.

18) Notice the subtle thing at 5:13 when the guy does a handstand, the dancing guy notices and sees “this guy has not only unstifled like me, but now he’s also ADDING to the value by going BEYOND me and not just copying me but expressing his OWN self now!!! YES!!!” and he instinctively claps for the guy to reward him for expressing himself, which makes the other guy try to escalate more, and now it’s just a feedback loop of positivity building

When my buddies and I are clapping for the first girls on the dance floor we are trying to create this positive reinforcement feedback loop to help build value. I’ve even gone up to the first group of girls on the dance floor who seem a little nervous and I’ll tell them “I just want to say thanks for being the first ones on the dance floor, you girls are awesome, everyone wants to have fun but no one has the balls to come up here and dance” and then walk off lol, just spreading value and they loosen up and stop being nervous because they’ve been rewarded for risking expressing themselves and from there shit avalanches.

19) Now the other guy jumps in, while the camera crew keep heckling away acting like they’re “better” than them. None of that shit is genuine compliments, it’s 100% pretentious douchebag tooling, you can hear it in their tonality…but you can also hear the subtle envy. The girl starts to loosen up even, her fake sarcastic “woooooo!”s start to become real “WOO!!”s

20) Now the next guy. Note how these are all DUDES too. And not ATTRACTIVE dudes, these aren’t supermodel guys with perfect aesthetics, they’re just guys who in that moment are comfortable with their bodies and themselves and don’t care about judgement and jump up there. Half the Manosphere would be sitting with these hecklers talking shit because the Manosphere is full of the “be James Bond, be cool not like those lame dancing monkey PUAs” mentality.

21) Listen to the chick as she shouts “NUMBER NIIIINE!! AHAHAHAA!!” Her Buying Temperature is spiking. And notice at 5:50 that that BlondeChick is still watching. Because she KNOWS where the value “in the room” is. It’s THIS guy and THIS group of fat dudes who are just having FUN. Why isn’t BlondeChick staring down or talking to some jacked dude, I’m sure there are some there. Lots of better looking guys than these guys. Why is her RAS (reticular activation system) fully focused on this group of “ugly” guys that she would NEVER Swipe Right on Tinder?

22) Then when girls see a group of alpha males (yes, ALPHA males, because they’re ignoring social convention and doing what they want with no fucks given) creating a party, they want to be a part of it so some girls join.

23) And because the girls join, more guys want to join because now the guys are instinctively realizing “these girls want fun guys like this, maybe I can join and they’ll want me too!!” And now you start a social avalanche loop

24) Keep watching that BlondeChick. She is loving this. You think she wouldn’t be receptive to the original dancing guy approaching her because of his looks and “weirdness” as he “embarrassed” himself? You think he couldn’t bust on her teasing her for not dancing and she wouldn’t laugh her ass off and qualify herself to him because he’s not a 6’4″ rich 6-packed shirtless jock? You think with a little game and leading he couldn’t create a situation where he capitalizes on her sky-high Buying Temperature? Fuck social conditioning and fuck armchair theories, this is a glimpse at how shit actually plays out in the real world

25) Notice how the shit-talkers start changing their attitude from talking shit to encouragement, but the guy takes longer to convert than the girl…when does the guy convert? Once his girls convert and run down to join him.

26) At 6:13 BlondeChick turns to her friends for a sec and I would bet money that she’s saying “OMG we should go join him!!” but her more stifled friends won’t do it so she’s stuck with them even though she wants SO FUCKING BAD to have permission to go join this fun. If the original dancing guy or ANY of the guys or girls in this dancing crowd spotted her subcomms they could EFFORTLESSLY go over to her and hold out their hands for her to take them and come join the group and she would be like “YESSS PERMISSION TO LEAVE MY GROUP!!!” and be the happiest girl in the WORLD that she got to come be a part of the fun instead of staying with her stick-in-the-mud James Bond “too cool to risk embarassment” group.

27) 6:25 is the best…”WANNA GO DOWN???” lol Fucking hilarious. They talked so much shit but now that being a part of that guy’s fun is the cool thing to do that the majority approves of, now NOT joining him makes you look like a debbie downer so they want to be a part of the energy. 100% hindbrain shit in action.

Remember this when you see that “bitchy” group of girls without smiles on their faces sitting in a booth at the bar. Those girls WANT to have fun, they just don’t know how and don’t have permission to. DHV in front of them and watch for iois from one of them and use that as your leverage point to unstifle their group. Or just approach them and pick the most receptive one and tell her she’s fun and use her to warm the rest of the group up and unstifle them.

28) 6:31 look at BlondeChick go. If she could only break free of her social chains to stand up and actually join them her life in that moment would be 10000x better and she’d have an amazing memory, but she’s going to miss out on it because she’s letting her group hold her back and keep her stifled on the ground.

They aren’t bitches, they’re just stifled. you shouldn’t hate or fear them, you should feel bad for them because they aren’t as free as you in that moment. And most guys can’t get unstifled at ALL unless they get shitfaced hammered

29) 6:29 “…you gonna go?? …Have fuuuuun???” Listen to the tone in that asshole’s voice lol He can’t believe the very same girls he was just making fun of this guy with suddenly want to be a part of his group. His brain can’t even process the 180

30) 6:44 look at the herd of women running to join the fun. Those are the same people that, until this guy risked social judgement and put himself out there and set the precedent that “it’s okay to be silly today” and was unstifled, were just sitting on the lawn waiting for “something” to happen and hoping they’d have fun today without wanting to take initiative to CREATE that fun. But once the fun starts, they get up and all want to join in on it and are so excited that SOMEONE started the fun.

Remember that at the start of the night in a nightclub or a small pub where no one is talking to each other. you are learning the skillset to open and merge sets and CREATE this fun for people and GIVE them permission to have fun.

31) 6:54, 7:13, 7:18 and 7:29 as it fades out, BlondeChick still can’t take her eyes off the value. Every time she looks away for a second she HAS to look back at the value because it’s triggering hindbrain instinct shit in her.

When you are out there approaching people you are expressing yourself, just like when your playing the guitar or singing karaoke or painting or whatever your craft is…these things are about putting your shit out there and risking embarrassment but believing that what you're putting out there has value and is worth that risk.
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
Being stupid is actually super attractive, if you play it right. Sometimes I wish I was a bit more stupid. It would be easier to think more clearly and be oppressed less by my own self-reflections.

Intelligence isn't all good and should definitely be applied only when necessary. And since this is a seduction forum, this is one place where intelligence hurts more than it helps.

A lot of my natural friends are definitely sharp and can figure out situations well enough...but in other ways, they're really fucking stupid and PRIMAL.

Be more PRIMAL. Animalistic. One thing you can do is walk around with your mouth slightly agape. You'll look a bit less sharp, but you'll look more relaxed and also tougher. When you see a meat head, do you think he's smart? No, he's retarded. But, you respect him a bit. This primal respect is more important to socializing and seduction than you think. Some of the BEST naturals I know? Man, they're fucking so stupid. The best seducer I've ever met admitted to me he had never read a book in its entirety (and no, he didn't go to college. High school education). And this the kind of guy who is friends with legit celebrities and picks up 10's every weekend (NOT an exaggeration) with EASE. His stupidity makes him less intimidating (good for attainability), and also makes girls approach him, since they can read him as the "dumb hot cock" and jump on it themselves. However, in some ways, especially with social maneuvers, he's BRILLIANT. He can easily tell when people are lying and also can lie quite well himself.

So I'll give some unorthodox advice here and suggest you maybe allow yourself to be more stupid and EMBRACE it. Feel like a caveman. Don't be afraid to give boring, dumb answers.

BUT, while being stupid, you need to work on your fundamentals. Get in shape, dress well, learn how to speak with a sexy voice and express yourself very colorfully with your face. It'll make the short, dumb sentences you make that much more interesting.

Fundamentals + "low IQ" + sexuality = God-tier seduction

It's the most fuckboy you can be and is the kind of behavior that gets you 500+ lays. Now do these guys have problems with relationships and making $$ in life? Generally.

But just be smart and HIDE your intelligence.

Hector
Being stupid is actually super attractive, if you play it right. Sometimes I wish I was a bit more stupid. It would be easier to think more clearly and be oppressed less by my own self-reflections.

Intelligence isn't all good and should definitely be applied only when necessary. And since this is a seduction forum, this is one place where intelligence hurts more than it helps.

A lot of my natural friends are definitely sharp and can figure out situations well enough...but in other ways, they're really fucking stupid and PRIMAL.

Be more PRIMAL. Animalistic. One thing you can do is walk around with your mouth slightly agape. You'll look a bit less sharp, but you'll look more relaxed and also tougher. When you see a meat head, do you think he's smart? No, he's retarded. But, you respect him a bit. This primal respect is more important to socializing and seduction than you think. Some of the BEST naturals I know? Man, they're fucking so stupid. The best seducer I've ever met admitted to me he had never read a book in its entirety (and no, he didn't go to college. High school education). And this the kind of guy who is friends with legit celebrities and picks up 10's every weekend (NOT an exaggeration) with EASE. His stupidity makes him less intimidating (good for attainability), and also makes girls approach him, since they can read him as the "dumb hot cock" and jump on it themselves. However, in some ways, especially with social maneuvers, he's BRILLIANT. He can easily tell when people are lying and also can lie quite well himself.

So I'll give some unorthodox advice here and suggest you maybe allow yourself to be more stupid and EMBRACE it. Feel like a caveman. Don't be afraid to give boring, dumb answers.

BUT, while being stupid, you need to work on your fundamentals. Get in shape, dress well, learn how to speak with a sexy voice and express yourself very colorfully with your face. It'll make the short, dumb sentences you make that much more interesting.

Fundamentals + "low IQ" + sexuality = God-tier seduction

It's the most fuckboy you can be and is the kind of behavior that gets you 500+ lays. Now do these guys have problems with relationships and making $$ in life? Generally.

But just be smart and HIDE your intelligence.

Hector
Full meal for thought man.

I've dabbled with the animalistic thing in the past, how I come across walking thru a bar for example, but staying in that mode when talking to someone....

I see the benefits of dumbing down, how it can help make a person seem more attainable. Maybe coming from a background of having to prove being smart and/or capable (although I'm guessing we all do to some degree) adds another difficulty level but yeah I get you.

It's going to take a lot of practice for me to shift those gears lol (I can get a bit flummoxed sometimes when I have trouble expressing myself in speech, I take pride in my ability to be witty, creative, traits that I would like to cultivate more of), going to take a lot of editing before speaking but yeah I can work it.

You're right Hector.. I do have an attainability problem for sure (autorejection factors in here methinks).

Thanks for the advice Hector - skills to hone for sure!
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
Superlife,

You have a lot of great responses in this thread. I agree with them all.

Like @Velasco says, you're never going to see most people again. There is another consideration here: most people don't know you, and most people are also just as afraid of looking stupid as you are. A lot of the time when you are doing things you think might make you look stupid, other people are secretly looking on wishing the could be as bold and confident as you are at trying new or difficult things.

I think one of the major obstacles to people not taking a lot more classes, and a lot of other risks they want to take, is this discomfort of looking incompetent and stupid. It sucks being in a martial arts class, or a sports class, or any other class, and feeling like some low-skill guy who doesn't know what he's doing. I suspect it's a major reason why lots of people drop out.

There's a trick with public speaking of "Imagine the audience members in their underwear."

There's something similar like that with anything where you fear looking stupid: "Imagine these people looking on, in awe of your ability to put yourself out there doing something they're too afraid to do."

I had the people-pleaser thing @DML talks about, where I wanted everyone to think well of me and never poorly of me, back when I sucked with people. It's crippling. You can't do anything, because anything you do could make you look bad. And looking bad is a no-no.

When you flip it to "People will hold me in awe for doing things they're too scared to do", it completely reverses.

It's a way to turn the people-pleaser thing on its head.

Now you actually gain points with other people by doing "stupid stuff."

And... it's absolutely the case.

Think of anyone you can imagine doing "stupid stuff."

  • Think of the low-skill guy who nevertheless is there in his martial arts class, volunteering when the instructor calls for volunteers, whiffing his strikes, but working doggedly at improving.

  • Think of the low-skill guy you see walk up to a stunner at a bar and try his luck with her. Even if she blows him off after a minute, he was in there, chatting with her... something a bunch of much more attractive, seemingly-cooler guys lacked the balls to even attempt.

Both these guys, while obviously low-skill and still far away from where they might eventually get to if they keep at it, are impressive in their own ways.

This is something to strive for if you're of the "I don't want to look stupid" mentality.

Just realize is the stupidest-looking guy is the one sitting around, twiddling his thumbs, not getting involved, doing nothing.

The coolest-looking guy in most situations is the guy who throws himself out there, a little recklessly, a little too cavalier given his capability, but bold nonetheless.

Sure, if there's a super-capable guy who's also cavalier, that guy looks cooler.

But those guys are actually pretty rare.

If you are bold, often you'll be one of the few or the only such guys in attendance, wherever you are.

Most people are too paralyzed by this same fear you're talking about.

If you can be one of the few willing to throw himself out there, people will look on at you in awe and wonder how you can be so confident.

They won't even care much about the fact you aren't very good at whatever it is you're doing.

They'll just be impressed by the fact you are doing it.

Chase
Hi Chase,

Not surprisingly, you mention a mindset I'd never considered before.

I can see how that would help - turning it around to feel more comfortable in a previously uncomfortable situation.

By acting in situations where others will in fact be thinking I'm pretty sick for doing this .. depending on what it is, by jumping in without hesitation, or being unstifled, or both. as you say, "People will hold me in awe for doing things they're too scared to do".

I see how that helps with new activities like martial arts and such. I've been concerned also with tasks that are somewhat more commonplace.

I hadn't played volleyball for several years. Went and played at an open session, I was criticized for not knowing the rules.. There was other shit too , but I won't bore you with that.

And relating with people, I look back at some situations where I did this - I let loose, and in all honesty the results were mixed. But I also realize that I probably needed to be more calibrated.

There was a gathering of people I didn't know that I went to and there were so many people we sat at two large tables. The organizer was at the much larger table, and I teased her for putting us at the kids table. Meanwhile, I was rattling on about whatever (don't really remember except I was dominating the conversation and I think being a bit of a jackass) and eventually most of the table left after dinner altho the function wasn't over, leaving me and a couple other people.

A couple women at my table tried to get me to connect with them, but I just kept babbling about whatever (for one thing I wasn't attracted, and at the risk of sounding full of myself I don't want to lead women on .. I fucking hate that). I did connect with one guy tho.. but that didn't help me at the end.

There was a girl I was interested in sitting at the table across the way facing me and I could see I was having an impact. Some guy she was with eventually asked me what I was up to that weekend (he knew which button to push) .. and right there he temporarily popped my bubble and they were gone.

When the rest of us left the place, I was talking to the guy I connected with about using transit or whatever to get home but then.. when we got to one main intersection.. I turned and saw everyone but myself and this one other guy (one I'd never talked to and seemed oddballish) looking across the street at us. The gathering's organizer said (with a snarky smile on her face) they were going to a bar or something. AND GOODBYE. It came across pretty rude.

So yeah.. this is kind of typical what I've dealt with but different variations of it (and some may think well, so what? But enough of these incidents with little success and it starts to add up ).

I see how my standing out helped me make an impact on women but what I remember most of the time is how that night ended. Guess I should have went over to that table when I had the chance despite Dudley McDudley's interference :).

Anyway, I guess my point is I find these situations to be complex. More complex than they have to be I guess if I do the work that's being suggested here. I realize I also should stop thinking about these shitty experiences, and focus on just taking more action cause we all go thru shit.

As you say Chase, there have been a lot of interesting suggestions here, and I suspect, they're all excellent in their own way and I really appreciate the input from everyone including of course yourself. Thank you Chase for this and all of the services you provide here.
 
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Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
@Superlife

Along the lines of what Chase wrote above on throwing yourself out there and doing things others are too scared to do, here's a classic breakdown of that "guy dancing on the hill" video on being unstifled by PUA legend, YaReally, for inspiration
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When you first walk into a nightclub everyone is STIFLED. They’re in their heads and they WANT to have fun and express themselves but they’re scared to be the first ones to do it. If you can lead the way though, or help someone ELSE lead the way (like encouraging someone else who’s taking the lead…I’ll always clap for the first group of girls to go on the dance floor to help reward them for taking the social risk of getting out there and to encourage other girls to join them because once another group joins them it’ll start the herd and the party will start because now they all have permission to be unstifled).


Shit to pay attention to:

1) listen to these two cackle away talking shit. This is what most people are like, they live in a negative mindset full of negative value-taking thought loops and anyone around them that expresses themselves they want to just drag them into the bucket with them for it. Haters gon’ hate and all that. But pay attention to what they’re saying…they mock this guy for 5 minutes and the camera guy even jokes that the reviewer girl should count how many people dance with this weirdo loser freakshow (he doesn’t use those words but that’s what he’s saying with his tonality). But then what happens when the crowd rushes in? The stupid chick that was talking shit the whole time and her friend are like “omg wanna go down??” and go join the crowd. They spend 5 min talking shit and looking down on him but once he had social proof and preselection, because women ping off their environment for how to feel, they want to run down and join and they will probably never comprehend their own complete emotional 180 they did and will never realize how cunty they were being about the guy until he suddenly had value.

2) Look how little fuck he gives about what anyone thinks. In HIS mind everyone ELSE is crazy for NOT dancing and having fun like he is. He even tries to encourage the crowd at points waving his arms up like c’mon why aren’t you guys dancing??? He KNOWS they all WANT to but they don’t have PERMISSION to yet…whereas he GIVES himself permission to, because he’s so internally confident and comfortable in his skin.

3) he’s not busting out GOOD dance moves, but it doesn’t matter, he’s expressing himself in the moment and having fun with NO self-restraint or judgement

4) listen to these cackling douchebags make gay jokes and shit. the dude is just comfortable and doesn’t care. But notice how fast that shit puts other guys into their head. When I AMOG I’ll often make gay jokes because guys don’t know what to do when you get into that territory and girls love that I'm secure enough with sexuality in general to be able to joke around. The main thing though is that these critics are laughing away because they’re STIFLED and value-taking and they’re trying to make themselves feel better by trying to frame what the guy’s doing as low-value behavior and shaming him for expressing himself. They’re shitty people and will probably never understand that they are. A lot of people talk shit when you approach girls regularly…they sit on the sidelines heckling because they know they don’t have the balls to do what you're doing and be as unstifle
d as you are. They need to try to stifle you back inside you're head so you feel ashamed and sit down and shut up falling back in line with them so they can feel like they’re taking right action by being stifled instead of feeling inadequate for not being as free as you are.

But understand if you hold your frame and can build your value, those exact same people will end up loving you and wanting to be a part of your vibe because deep down they don’t WANT to be negative shitty assholes, they WANT to be free like you, but they can’t give themselves permission to do it.

5) note how a handful of guys TRY to go join the dude but he keeps dwarfing their comfort zone and they end up freezing up stifled and running away. Compare the first guys with the brown shirt dude at the end who’s doing goofy handstands and shit and gives no fucks about looking retarded as he’s fully unstifled.

6) At 1:47 this other dude runs over and is like “whatever man fuck it, I know you’re harmless and just having fun, fuck these other people for laughing and being stifled go ahead and spank my ass lol” This is like the Chris Farley party guy vibe, this is the guy you WANT at your party because he’s going to be a fun dude who encourages other people to have fun instead of SHAMING them like the critic assholes.

7) Next a chick gives him some preselection…doesn’t matter if she’s hot or not, that’s a girl saying “I approve of you”.

8) Asian guy goes to try to get unstifled and the shit-talkers keep it up. There’s no need for any of this shit…spread good positive vibes. I would be clapping for this dude.

9) At first the guy is skeptical of the asian dude’s intentions (thinks he’s trying to tool him) but when the asian guy reasserts that “no I’m legit” the guy initiates him with the most “toss him in the deep end” thing he can do to make SURE his intentions are legit. Like “ok you REALLY want to play? Then here you go, BOOM!!!” ’cause that will scare the guy off if he was just there to tool him. But if he plays along and lols and stays then his intentions are probably pure. Plus that sudden random spanking is basically helping the asian guy unstifle…like if he was worried about embarrassing himself in front of everyone (which he kind of looks like when he approaches, he has stifled body language), he couldn’t hold onto that worry after that spank because it’s like “you can’t embarrass yourself any more than you just have by being spanked” lol Which allows the asian guy to unstifle. This is similar to Ozzie’s approach where he pushes students to approach the HARDEST sets first instead of the easiest or another approach of purposely getting shot down as hard as possible the first few sets of the night…by fully embarrassing yourself, you lose all hopes of protecting your ego and, because you didn’t die, your brain is like “well shit, okay I guess we can just do whatever we want tonight then” and lets you loose to be unstifle.

10) watch the asian dude, it’s a pretty interesting glimpse at stifled body language. From the time he goes over there he’s delaying and hesitating (even finishing his drink is a part of avoiding jumping into the deep end of the pool), and after the spank watch his body language, the other guy goes immediately back to expressing himself and the asian guy is doing overexaggerated laughing to stall for time because his brain is panicking. He even tries to wave the guy over to pull the guy into HIS frame and then when the guy is having none of it, the strongest frame always wins and the asian guy FINALLY pushes through his brain’s resistance and rolls up his sleeve and goes fuck it and starts to loosen up. And BECAUSE he’s making an effort for REAL now, the dancing guy accepts him and encourages him and tries to teach him his ways.

He’s even giving him legit advice on how to balance and do his posture properly to do the moves, like he’s giving pure value…fully accepting of the guy. Like I say high-value people having fun WANT everyone else around them to have fun too

11) Asian guy stifles right back up the second the song stops, you can read it in his body language and his fake exaggerated laughter. Those are all stalls for time. When you can read this stuff infield in the moment and know exactly what it means you can basically see inside people’s heads and know where they’re at better than THEY do. Asian guy wouldn’t be able to express that he’s stifled or that he unstifled for a moment but went back inside his head when the song ending caused a state break for him (similar to when you leave the bar with a girl and enter bright lights and shit and her state breaks) or any of this shit, but it’s neon green lights to me because I have field experience and being able to read people’s body language is useful.

13) at 4:25 the guy turns to the crowd and tries to get them to join him with his jumping arm waving. Pause the video at EXACTLY 4:31 and look at the crowd. Pretty much all of the dudes are ignoring the guy and staring ahead or away from him. But look at the girls. Nearly every girl’s head is turned to look at this guy who just did huge expressive unstifled movements

Look at the blonde tanned chick in the white shirt sitting at the top of the screen…WATCH HER. Her name is now BlondeChick

14) BlondeChick for the rest of the video doesn’t take her eyes off this guy. She’s stifled herself but wants to NOT be stifled…that’s why she’s clapping for him, she’s encouraging him and wishes she could do what he’s doing but she’s too in her head to do it so all she can do is clap. But this guy is fully on her radar as a beacon of value to her in that environment. She turns to her friend for a sec probably to say omg this guy is awesome and then she’s back fully focused on him. She’s one of the hotter girls in the area…the hotter the girl the more she appreciates the value of a guy who’s fully unstifled in public and gives no fucks about other people’s opinions of him.

Would ANYONE look at a photo of this scrawny little weirdo and go “That’s an alpha dude!”? Fuck no. Not even BlondeChick. But IN THE MOMENT, in that environment, when he’s unstifled like that, he has value to her and if he went over to her to encourage her to dance with him she would very likely join him and it wouldn’t be difficult for him to lead and escalate things into partying together later and isolating her and banging her.

Keep watching BlondeChick, as the social proof builds when the crowd comes in she just loves him even more.

15) If I hadn’t pointed them out, would you have seen any of that? There’s an entire world of subcomms and social dynamics going on around you that your still only barely scratching the surface of being aware of. This is happening all around you, in all your environments. These little dynamics are why I don’t get into fights and why it’s hard for guys to take my girls…I can read their intentions a mile away before they even enter my set. I can read their fucking mind when I see them glance at my set from across the room just CONSIDERING entering it and I’m already laying the groundwork for handling the interrupt or avoiding it entirely before they can step in. It’s why I know which girls will probably be the friendliest ones to open at the start of the night. There’s so much value in learning to read these subcomms and little social dynamics that are going on in realtime. you will never learn to spot them from just reading shit online…get the fuck out in the field as much as possible.

16) 4:55 asian guy caves to the social pressure after getting back to being fully stifled and runs off.

17) 5:00 as this little skinny dancing guy is spreading value to his new BFF showing him how to dance free and expressive (there’s a Friends episode where Phoebe teaches Rachel how to “jog” at the park running waving her hands around retardedly like she’s 10 years old and explains how don’t you just want to let go and be carefree like when you were a kid who cares what people think lol), as he’s doing that these cacklers are already planning to mock the guy

The guy comments that she should try to keep a number of how many people dance with him lolololz Listen to the tone in his voice on the word “DANCED” with this guy like, UGH, I’m too COOL for THAT. I’m James Bond at the club, I would never run around and have FUN like those loser PUAs ugh, I just wear my fitted suit and lean against the bar being COOL…let’s number these guys as we look down on them from our high horse of stifledness.

18) Notice the subtle thing at 5:13 when the guy does a handstand, the dancing guy notices and sees “this guy has not only unstifled like me, but now he’s also ADDING to the value by going BEYOND me and not just copying me but expressing his OWN self now!!! YES!!!” and he instinctively claps for the guy to reward him for expressing himself, which makes the other guy try to escalate more, and now it’s just a feedback loop of positivity building

When my buddies and I are clapping for the first girls on the dance floor we are trying to create this positive reinforcement feedback loop to help build value. I’ve even gone up to the first group of girls on the dance floor who seem a little nervous and I’ll tell them “I just want to say thanks for being the first ones on the dance floor, you girls are awesome, everyone wants to have fun but no one has the balls to come up here and dance” and then walk off lol, just spreading value and they loosen up and stop being nervous because they’ve been rewarded for risking expressing themselves and from there shit avalanches.

19) Now the other guy jumps in, while the camera crew keep heckling away acting like they’re “better” than them. None of that shit is genuine compliments, it’s 100% pretentious douchebag tooling, you can hear it in their tonality…but you can also hear the subtle envy. The girl starts to loosen up even, her fake sarcastic “woooooo!”s start to become real “WOO!!”s

20) Now the next guy. Note how these are all DUDES too. And not ATTRACTIVE dudes, these aren’t supermodel guys with perfect aesthetics, they’re just guys who in that moment are comfortable with their bodies and themselves and don’t care about judgement and jump up there. Half the Manosphere would be sitting with these hecklers talking shit because the Manosphere is full of the “be James Bond, be cool not like those lame dancing monkey PUAs” mentality.

21) Listen to the chick as she shouts “NUMBER NIIIINE!! AHAHAHAA!!” Her Buying Temperature is spiking. And notice at 5:50 that that BlondeChick is still watching. Because she KNOWS where the value “in the room” is. It’s THIS guy and THIS group of fat dudes who are just having FUN. Why isn’t BlondeChick staring down or talking to some jacked dude, I’m sure there are some there. Lots of better looking guys than these guys. Why is her RAS (reticular activation system) fully focused on this group of “ugly” guys that she would NEVER Swipe Right on Tinder?

22) Then when girls see a group of alpha males (yes, ALPHA males, because they’re ignoring social convention and doing what they want with no fucks given) creating a party, they want to be a part of it so some girls join.

23) And because the girls join, more guys want to join because now the guys are instinctively realizing “these girls want fun guys like this, maybe I can join and they’ll want me too!!” And now you start a social avalanche loop

24) Keep watching that BlondeChick. She is loving this. You think she wouldn’t be receptive to the original dancing guy approaching her because of his looks and “weirdness” as he “embarrassed” himself? You think he couldn’t bust on her teasing her for not dancing and she wouldn’t laugh her ass off and qualify herself to him because he’s not a 6’4″ rich 6-packed shirtless jock? You think with a little game and leading he couldn’t create a situation where he capitalizes on her sky-high Buying Temperature? Fuck social conditioning and fuck armchair theories, this is a glimpse at how shit actually plays out in the real world

25) Notice how the shit-talkers start changing their attitude from talking shit to encouragement, but the guy takes longer to convert than the girl…when does the guy convert? Once his girls convert and run down to join him.

26) At 6:13 BlondeChick turns to her friends for a sec and I would bet money that she’s saying “OMG we should go join him!!” but her more stifled friends won’t do it so she’s stuck with them even though she wants SO FUCKING BAD to have permission to go join this fun. If the original dancing guy or ANY of the guys or girls in this dancing crowd spotted her subcomms they could EFFORTLESSLY go over to her and hold out their hands for her to take them and come join the group and she would be like “YESSS PERMISSION TO LEAVE MY GROUP!!!” and be the happiest girl in the WORLD that she got to come be a part of the fun instead of staying with her stick-in-the-mud James Bond “too cool to risk embarassment” group.

27) 6:25 is the best…”WANNA GO DOWN???” lol Fucking hilarious. They talked so much shit but now that being a part of that guy’s fun is the cool thing to do that the majority approves of, now NOT joining him makes you look like a debbie downer so they want to be a part of the energy. 100% hindbrain shit in action.

Remember this when you see that “bitchy” group of girls without smiles on their faces sitting in a booth at the bar. Those girls WANT to have fun, they just don’t know how and don’t have permission to. DHV in front of them and watch for iois from one of them and use that as your leverage point to unstifle their group. Or just approach them and pick the most receptive one and tell her she’s fun and use her to warm the rest of the group up and unstifle them.

28) 6:31 look at BlondeChick go. If she could only break free of her social chains to stand up and actually join them her life in that moment would be 10000x better and she’d have an amazing memory, but she’s going to miss out on it because she’s letting her group hold her back and keep her stifled on the ground.

They aren’t bitches, they’re just stifled. you shouldn’t hate or fear them, you should feel bad for them because they aren’t as free as you in that moment. And most guys can’t get unstifled at ALL unless they get shitfaced hammered

29) 6:29 “…you gonna go?? …Have fuuuuun???” Listen to the tone in that asshole’s voice lol He can’t believe the very same girls he was just making fun of this guy with suddenly want to be a part of his group. His brain can’t even process the 180

30) 6:44 look at the herd of women running to join the fun. Those are the same people that, until this guy risked social judgement and put himself out there and set the precedent that “it’s okay to be silly today” and was unstifled, were just sitting on the lawn waiting for “something” to happen and hoping they’d have fun today without wanting to take initiative to CREATE that fun. But once the fun starts, they get up and all want to join in on it and are so excited that SOMEONE started the fun.

Remember that at the start of the night in a nightclub or a small pub where no one is talking to each other. you are learning the skillset to open and merge sets and CREATE this fun for people and GIVE them permission to have fun.

31) 6:54, 7:13, 7:18 and 7:29 as it fades out, BlondeChick still can’t take her eyes off the value. Every time she looks away for a second she HAS to look back at the value because it’s triggering hindbrain instinct shit in her.

When you are out there approaching people you are expressing yourself, just like when your playing the guitar or singing karaoke or painting or whatever your craft is…these things are about putting your shit out there and risking embarrassment but believing that what you're putting out there has value and is worth that risk.
"..gives no fucks about other people’s opinions of him."

Truly the goal. This is pretty frickin cool. I've heard of Ya Really, read some of his stuff not to long ago... social scientist indeed. Thanks for the post man. Loads of good stuff to internalize here. I'm guilty of the James Bond too cool for school a lot so yeah.. lots to work on lol.
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
take action. massive action. expose yourself to your fears. be the king and except the glory.
Yeah I need to start leaning in. Black Dragon talks about not screening but categorizing. And I think this mindset is really of benefit. I decide where someone sits in my scheme of things. And if they don't agree, that's fine. I'll find someone else who will. This is an adjunct to taking ownership.
 

Cody Lyans

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
96
Watch the movie clueless
Being clueless and stupid is very charming
Often times when I am successful with girls I enter "stupid mode" where I can't even use a microwave properly.

You are not afraid of looking stupid, you are under the illusion that doing nothing looks smart.
It ain't smart or clever to do nothing, nor is it smart to fear giving things a go

When I was a young kid, about ten years old
I wanted to be better at martial arts, but my punches felt as soft as butter, and I felt like a chicken. So what I did was PLAYED AROUND MORE until I wasn't so fearful of being crap, I mocked myself, and I mocked strong people, and that made me lose inhibitions and act

If a ten year old can do it, I think u can as well mate, just quit lying to yourself about this being an important part of your persona or identity. Screw that, be more than that
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
Watch the movie clueless
Being clueless and stupid is very charming
Often times when I am successful with girls I enter "stupid mode" where I can't even use a microwave properly.

You are not afraid of looking stupid, you are under the illusion that doing nothing looks smart.
It ain't smart or clever to do nothing, nor is it smart to fear giving things a go

When I was a young kid, about ten years old
I wanted to be better at martial arts, but my punches felt as soft as butter, and I felt like a chicken. So what I did was PLAYED AROUND MORE until I wasn't so fearful of being crap, I mocked myself, and I mocked strong people, and that made me lose inhibitions and act

If a ten year old can do it, I think u can as well mate, just quit lying to yourself about this being an important part of your persona or identity. Screw that, be more than that
I'll check that movie out thanks. I can't really get my head around how being clueless is charming so yeah I will watch that movie for sure.

Maybe I'm missing your point but I don't think it's smart to be afraid to try things, (I get you about the appearances of it all tho) but in the past it seemed like an emotional reaction that clouded over my thinking.

For example I was in a pool trying to learn how to get the breathing down to scuba dive and for some reason I freaked. The instructor wouldn't let me finish the lesson. It was a resort and they were on a deadline but still lol.

When I was a little kid I couldn't get a handle on an activity and gave up. I think I felt like I should have been getting it better (Dad's a coach of it, a sibling was decent at it) and felt humiliated. And I think I've been that way ever since. This is all stuff for a therapist lol but truth my family would get impatient and irritated almost pissed if they had to wait for me to do something (especially if it was something new and I was struggling to do it). Now my ego tells me I should be doing better, things should be easier. Going to take some work to change that :). Hope this doesn't contradict anything I've said but all true story.

In any event , I believe you're saying that looking like I'm on top of the ball all the time is not an important part of my persona? Unfortunately in my career path appearances are pretty important. .. and I find it difficult to switch gears. But I know I have to work at it. Thanks for your reply Cody!
 
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Cody Lyans

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
96
I'll check that movie out thanks. I can't really get my head around how being clueless is charming so yeah I will watch that movie for sure.

Maybe I'm missing your point but I don't think it's smart to be afraid to try things, (I get you about the appearances of it all tho) but in the past it seemed like an emotional reaction that clouded over my thinking.

For example I was in a pool trying to learn how to get the breathing down to scuba dive and for some reason I freaked. The instructor wouldn't let me finish the lesson. It was a resort and they were on a deadline but still lol.

When I was a little kid I couldn't get a handle on an activity and gave up. I think I felt like I should have been getting it better (Dad's a coach of it, a sibling was decent at it) and felt humiliated. And I think I've been that way ever since. This is all stuff for a therapist lol but truth my family would get impatient and irritated almost pissed if they had to wait for me to do something (especially if it was something new and I was struggling to do it). Now my ego tells me I should be doing better, things should be easier. Going to take some work to change that :). Hope this doesn't contradict anything I've said but all true story.

In any event , I believe you're saying that looking like I'm on top of the ball all the time is not an important part of my persona? Unfortunately in my career path appearances are pretty important. .. and I find it difficult to switch gears. But I know I have to work at it. Thanks for your reply Cody!
Yeah so embrace it, say outwardly that it's a bit rediculous and make light of it. Be humble about the flaw and just do some exposure therapy type stuff to get a hold of it.

Yeah there is a difference between being actually clueless and EXCENTUATING it to charm people though. It works because it makes you unthreatening and easy to relate to, so long as you understand it isn't just you
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
Well here we go. Not a lay report, but field report I guess. Try to keep this brief.

Set the stage: I'm at low energy. Managed to push myself thru workout. Had to stop no. of times.

Shower, dressed, went for dinner at nearby restaurant. Sat at bar. About 6 empty seats to left. Two girls approach behind. I glance back slightly. They pause. They sit beside me. Peripheral vision tells me girl beside me is young, attractive, past shoulders brown hair. Not sure what to say.,. I used to be good at cocky funny, (suppose a change in fortunes in the last number of years has helped change that) anything i might say seems lame. Barwaitress seems into me ( no - really :) ). I fumble with the credit card machine, make some jokes about tech as paying.. i take off.

Lower energy now (doh!)
Head on train to the city, not sure what I'm going to do when I get there. A dude blocks train door to open for someone, stopping train from leaving. I’m shaking my head. Lock eyes w cute chick in tight gym pants. She gives me big smile. Green light. I kind of smile back, feels awkward as fuck. Think to myself, she’s thinking I’m being judgmental cause I’m not smiling at first. Then I think, maybe not. Then I think, too late now. She leaves after a couple stops.

I arrive at city centre. Debating.. movie or bar? Bar wins by super slim margin.

I go to a spot I'm familiar with - but failed to really connect with the staff that well. Tonight is different.. keeping the ideas of fun, carefree and passion in mind, plus a post about bouncers I read here last week, I'm uninhibited in expression, I mesh with the staff a lot better.

I sit at the bar where I can watch the band, also can see a big part of the place and can interact with a fair amount of people getting drinks.

It's 10:40. Bar is a dick fest. No chicks I'm interested in. Lot of guys give me fist bumps lol. One guy starts vibing me with me before we're cutoff by apparently the alpha of his little group lol. Not sure I've been blocked in a hetero interaction before. Another guy acts like he's about to spray me with booze.. girl apologizes.

It's 12:10 .. few more women in the bar, spot one that I might be into across the way, lighting is bad. But get my transit times mixed up and leave before I had to. Uneventful trip home.

I felt better tho at the end of the night than I did at the start so that's something. Not really good at doing the hide the intelligence thing tho (not that I was being Brainiac or anything lol) . It seems like another layer to add onto the interaction and I was trying to be free with my expression. Maybe trying it more in shorter interactions at stores and the like..
 

Superlife

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
Messages
24
@DML if you have the time any thoughts on my field report? I didn't try on any new activities but getting to that bar was a bit of a risk as the last time I was there the head bouncer got hostile for some reason i don't understand. He was fine this time. Anyway, I got out of the house and mixed it up a bit ..
 
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