Lost the drive to approach and do game and I have no idea how to get it back.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

This is kind of based off @Tony D and his thread about why you fail but not entirely.

I feel like I am living life on autopilot......

For the most part in the past year, ever since about mid-2018 and 2019 started really, majority of the lays I have had have come from dating apps and to a degree some social circle. This bothers me because it was not always like this.

I remember back when I first joined the forum, it is almost like I was naive and knew little but not knowing made me more excited. I actually looked forward to going out at a bar or nightclub, wondering what kinds of hot girls will be there, and approaching them. The whole thing was a fun game to me, even rejections ended up being kind of funny, and pulling a girl home kind of meant something I could be proud of.

At some point though, I got to a point where I am getting laid and have a "system" in place to get laid (primarily based on dating apps) but I am not as fulfilled from it. I've had nights where I might go to a girl's place and I cannot even get it up. The old me is gone and I feel like I died a little on the inside over the years.

It's not even that I cannot get laid, it's just that I do not have that same excitement, happiness, fulfillment, and love for the very process itself like I once did. I don't get that same excitement of approaching women that I used to. Now that I live in one of the prime cities for game, I want that back but it seems like I am in a mental rut that makes me cynical, miserable, and negative on almost a daily basis.

I did some poking and exploring into to see what had happened and thought I'd share, maybe I can get the old me back.

Social circles, hottest women being off-limits, and status obsession.

I found back in my old college days this was the case so after a long time of chasing women through approaching, I gave up. I almost thought that I rather not approach since they are already seeing some high status guy they met through a social circle or group of friends, I am fucked without "status".

Having had success through lower effort avenues.

I found that if I could pull a 7 through dating apps and occasionally an 8 as well, why bother going through hoops and hurdles to approach an 8 in nightlife where she is guarded or out in public where it is just so fucking awkward. Normal people do not do this.

Life not ideal outside of game.

I am in the process of leaving a white collar cut-throat work environment but I think it really wore on me while right after college I could deal with it more easily. Now I feel like I used to dread going to work and talking to my condescending boss. Work from home has been legitimate for me for this very reason even though we have 5 fucking calls a day since management is so insecure about what we do.

Youth worship and FOMO.

The constant feeling of me getting older and it not being the same getting laid compared to being popular in college and getting laid. I feel like this has also played a big role in my mindset, reading about social status and such or just never belonging.

But it's not that I want to have success as bad as I want to have my happiness, sanity, and fulfillment from game back.

I miss the old days when I would go out and pull but now I feel like it doesn't have the same excitement for me anymore. It's like I want that feeling and excitement back instead of feeling like shit right now.

Even though I do get laid through dating apps, it's just that, I am not as excited by game and the process anymore. Even going out I focus more on getting wasted than getting laid some nights.

How do I get the old me back?

 

[Starboy]

Well I would say that because you've gotten laid with a large number of girls that your brain realizes that you don't need to put out the large amounts of effort that is required to get girls from cold approaching. The brain does the least necessary for survival which is basically you getting laid. No reason to stress yourself out to get that pretty girl we can get from swiping left on tinder with our high quality pictures. Pretty much a reference to chase's article effort aversion. You've grown too comfortable with online dating which is rewarding at first ,but after time your enjoyment will naturally lower. It happens with everything. Everybody grows out of old hobbies. Kids lose interest in playing with toy,guys grow out of playing video games, athletes lose their passion for the sport they made a career out of. If you want to rediscover that thrill and the fulfillment you got when you first started approaching then first you need to ask yourself do I really want this. Like do I actually want it or do I think I need this. You have to actually have the hunger or desire to cold approach. If you really don't then it's fine. If you genuinely do then you just gotta do it. The same thing chase tells newbies you make a schedule,find a niche/place to meet girls and stick to it. Then you practice until you make progress and you build upen that. I get what you're saying about approaching girls in public not being normal,cuz if I talked to people at my job about this shit they would probably roast me lol. Even though I know they're average basic people and depend on Instagram or social circles for girls. We're not exactly common people because we all accept different mindsets and beliefs about women,dating and society than the average person. So who gives a shit if we're not "normal". We have potential to be better then normal people. Cuz most normal people will be average in their lives and that's their choice. It's kinda surprising that a guy with your level of abundance with women stresses about being seen as normal by others,but I still get it. You want to be accepted and validated by others. That's me as well. But validation is something that you are in constant need of. It's not a one time thing. You will always require more to maintain your self esteem and it's just not worth it. Anyways that's my opinion. Hope it gives you some insight. Besides during this time approaching is out of the question anyways with covid 19 and NYC being shut down basically. Can't cold approach girls now or you're definitely going to be seen as a weirdo/creep with social distancing being a thing now lol. Now is probably the best time for you to do mental work.

 

[Skills]

Seems to me you are having some type of identity crisis, you do not need to do cold approach if you do not want to.... A lot of cold approachers i know move on to instagram (but hard to do, and for me what they do is cringy and you need lots of followers).... Some moved to social circles (dan balzirian type stuff), which requires a bit of money, if it was not due to my love of clubs and dancing i would have stop long time ago as well, dunno about at your age.... if you like to do your online stuff keep doing it.... It seems you are trying to fit hard and be in, with the cold approach culture of pick up(as you can see is not for everybody and for most gets tiring)... Just do not infect others with false claims about age and race and the likes

 

[Toby2030]

I agree with Skills, you have an identity crisis. It seems like you aren't happy with your job, and probably just your life in general. I'm paying a mentor atm for help handling reaching my goals in life. You could call it a life coach. I'm pretty sure @Tony D does the same thing? I would hit him up if I were you.
Sit down and use this week on breaking down what you want if money and other people's validation wasn't an issue. How would your ideal life look like?
Then build the path to your goal, and set smaller goals. 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, 5 years, 10, years.
Plan your week every Sunday with tasks that will lead your closer towards your goal.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

@Skills

Funny you mention age dude.

I think I just got more bitter with life than anything lol. As I said, it's not that getting laid has become tougher, it's that I have just become so numbed to the whole thing where it hardly has the excitement for me as it did. I don't get excited of the idea of approaching a really hot girl, hitting it off with her, and potentially taking her home anymore. I have more nights now where I might struggle to get it up.

It's like at some point, I lost my passion for game and even in life for general. Like I feel as if I am a walking zombie who cannot get aroused anymore by hot girls in the area and automatically shifts towards toxic beliefs about them. Even going out, I have missed clear IOIs.

I know some of this is the negative feedback loop and shit I am feeding my brain but damn bro, it doesn't feel good....

 

[Skills]

@Skills

Funny you mention age dude.

I think I just got more bitter with life than anything lol. As I said, it's not that getting laid has become tougher, it's that I have just become so numbed to the whole thing where it hardly has the excitement for me as it did. I don't get excited of the idea of approaching a really hot girl, hitting it off with her, and potentially taking her home anymore. I have more nights now where I might struggle to get it up.

It's like at some point, I lost my passion for game and even in life for general. Like I feel as if I am a walking zombie who cannot get aroused anymore by hot girls in the area and automatically shifts towards toxic beliefs about them. Even going out, I have missed clear IOIs.

I know some of this is the negative feedback loop and shit I am feeding my brain but damn bro, it doesn't feel good....

this happened to me before... How old are you now?

Can you tell me if you feel any of this:

• Reduced sex drive.
• Reduced erectile function.
• Loss of body hair.
• Less beard growth.
• Loss of lean muscle mass.
• Feeling very tired all the time (fatigue)
• Obesity (being overweight)
• Symptoms of depression.

You may have a drop in your test levels do a testosterone test and check your free, and total t... The reason i am telling you this is cause i made a simalar post like this couple of years ago.... can not link cause the old forum infested with spam...

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

this happened to me before... How old are you now?

Can you tell me if you feel any of this:

• Reduced sex drive.
• Reduced erectile function.
• Loss of body hair.
• Less beard growth.
• Loss of lean muscle mass.
• Feeling very tired all the time (fatigue)
• Obesity (being overweight)
• Symptoms of depression.

You may have a drop in your test levels do a testosterone test and check your free, and total t... The reason i am telling you this is cause i made a simalar post like this couple of years ago.... can not link cause the old forum infested with spam...

I am actually turning 27 in early November.

As for your post, the ones that I am finding to be relevant are in red actually.

I had blood work done a week before this coronavirus thing made the news, apparently something is off with my cholesterol levels.

What ended up fixing it for you?

 

[Toby2030]

There could be other factors, but by a quick glance if we look at the rest of your posts lately -> You are depressed because you lack living a life you truly want. Living a life you don't like makes you feel tired all the time and depressed. Depression (scientifically proven) affects your sex drive and erectile function. I'm not a psychologist or doctor, but that would be my shot.

A good check is however, always a good thing.

 

[Teevster]

I am actually turning 27 in early November.

As for your post, the ones that I am finding to be relevant are in red actually.

I had blood work done a week before this coronavirus thing made the news, apparently something is off with my cholesterol levels.

What ended up fixing it for you?

Are you litterally, younger than me? What the hell is this bunch of non-sense. You are still young.

 

[Teevster]

There could be other factors, but by a quick glance if we look at the rest of your posts lately -> You are depressed because you lack living a life you truly want. Living a life you don't like makes you feel tired all the time and depressed. Depression (scientifically proven) affects your sex drive and erectile function. I'm not a psychologist or doctor, but that would be my shot.

A good check is however, always a good thing.

Either depression, burnout or lack of testo.

Which one I cannot say, but it is for sure one of these.

 

[Rain]

Is it possible that, you view getting "xyz" goal, be that women, or cool friends, as a really extreme thing ,and then once you get it, as you said, you lose alot of motivation? Like, by default, you have loads of neurons in the brain[in comparison to the average guy], and once you achieve your goal, *poof* there goes a bunch of motivation just like that? Whereas maybe average guy neurons wouldn't care so much about getting a hottie, and if he got one, wouldn't lose as much motivation either.

"nothing left to work at" <--- not sure if thats correct way of wording it, but just a possible analysis.

 

[Chrance]

If I lived in NYC I too would burnout. A city where so many people are trying to “make it” is bound to crush your soul. You’re surrounded by concrete. There’s barely any trees. Trash everywhere.

I met up with some PUAs I had connections with in NYC awhile back in my second year of game since I was struggling. I went to their crummy “apartment”, looked around and thought “what good is getting pussy if you’re stuck in this shithole.”

That whole city is possessed

 

[Carousel]

- Lack of self-awareness. For example, people have been telling you for months that player burnout is a real danger if pussy and hedonism is your sole focus, only a couple of freaks of Nature like Pablo can live approximately like this for year and year into their 30s. You have consistently dismissed their message. Now you are complaining about similar issues and you are 26 years old. Go figure why there are very few Bilzerians.

- Lots of weird limiting beliefs that you nevertheless are highly confident in. For example you make a point out of it being not "normal" to approach groups with hotties. Laying 100s of women is definitely not "normal". Bilzerian is not "normal". The master of group approch and HB game in clubs, Mystery, is not "normal". If you want to be "normal", you should stick to 7 sex partners for life or so and I believe you already have achieved this. Your complaints about age are similar strange limiting beliefs, a lot of guys hit their prime approximately 10 years after your age. Also your beliefs tend to be self-contradictory. Bilzerian is late-30s and his lifestyle is not normal at all, yet age and "normality" are concerns of yours?

- Inability to take advice. You quarrel with people who do not have your problems when you should instead listen. And make the same threads again and again.

Until you fix these meta-problems, things will just continue as before and nobody will be able to help you.

 

[Skills]

I am actually turning 27 in early November.

As for your post, the ones that I am finding to be relevant are in red actually.

I had blood work done a week before this coronavirus thing made the news, apparently something is off with my cholesterol levels.

What ended up fixing it for you?

Yea, you may have to do a testosterone check, specially if you are not waking up with a semi (a hard on)... do blood work look for the free t, and total t, asap, i hope is not this cause you are extremely young i felt like this when i was 42....

 

[Skills]

- Lack of self-awareness. For example, people have been telling you for months that player burnout is a real danger if pussy and hedonism is your sole focus, only a couple of freaks of Nature like Pablo can live approximately like this for year and year into their 30s. You have consistently dismissed their message. Now you are complaining about similar issues and you are 26 years old. Go figure why there are very few Bilzerians.

- Lots of weird limiting beliefs that you nevertheless are highly confident in. For example you make a point out of it being not "normal" to approach groups with hotties. Laying 100s of women is definitely not "normal". Bilzerian is not "normal". The master of group approch and HB game in clubs, Mystery, is not "normal". If you want to be "normal", you should stick to 7 sex partners for life or so and I believe you already have achieved this. Your complaints about age are similar strange limiting beliefs, a lot of guys hit their prime approximately 10 years after your age. Also your beliefs tend to be self-contradictory. Bilzerian is late-30s and his lifestyle is not normal at all, yet age and "normality" are concerns of yours?

- Inability to take advice. You quarrel with people who do not have your problems when you should instead listen. And make the same threads again and again.

Until you fix these meta-problems, things will just continue as before and nobody will be able to help you.

Yeah he does have sargemaximum tendencies remember him....

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

@Carousel I don't really have "quarrels", it is either a debate where we attack each other's points or I just flat out go at a member who I feel is not on the same team or just trying to sit the pot. It's not that no one can help me, I've had the success I have had due to the advice members here have given me, it's rather that people with your personality type might not be the best at helping others.

As for @Skills and @Teevster, I think that's it. I got a blood test done before the coronavirus thing boiled over, doctor told me that testosterone level will be in it, but what ended up happening is that it showed most things as normal. Only thing that was higher than normal was the amount of cholesterol which was clearly indicated on the blood test.

I am not sure if right now it would be possible to get that specific blood work done given that my city is hit hard with coronavirus.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Is it possible that, you view getting "xyz" goal, be that women, or cool friends, as a really extreme thing ,and then once you get it, as you said, you lose alot of motivation? Like, by default, you have loads of neurons in the brain[in comparison to the average guy], and once you achieve your goal, *poof* there goes a bunch of motivation just like that? Whereas maybe average guy neurons wouldn't care so much about getting a hottie, and if he got one, wouldn't lose as much motivation either.

"nothing left to work at" <--- not sure if thats correct way of wording it, but just a possible analysis.

Nope I think you are one to something here without a shadow of doubt in my mind.

I think the biggest mental shift that happened for me after I got with enough women is that mentally, my mindset changed. It's like I cared less about the feelings of sex and intimacy and more about the social validation, that is likely what did it! At some point in my life, maybe due to the FOMO or lack of community, I cared more about being validated than getting laid.

I started caring more about being perceived as popular and less about taking a hot girl home, it's like mentally the priorities changed.

 

[Carousel]

@Carousel I don't really have "quarrels", it is either a debate where we attack each other's points or I just flat out go at a member who I feel is not on the same team or just trying to sit the pot. It's not that no one can help me, I've had the success I have had due to the advice members here have given me, it's rather that people with your personality type might not be the best at helping others.

You illustrate my point very well. You find excuses to not take advice all the time. Last time you rejected advice from me(?) and DML on the basis that we are Scandinavians and supposedly do not understand American culture.

But hey, you are free to reject everything I say. Not everybody has my goals or preferences.

But then I have to point out that you reject advice from more or less everybody else also. This causes your progress to be at snail speed and is fairly annoying to people around you.

 

[Skills]

@Carouselover, doctor told me that testosterone level will be in it, but what ended up happening is that it showed most things as normal. Only thing that was higher than normal was the amount of cholesterol which was clearly indicated on the blood test.

I am not sure if right now it would be possible to get that specific blood work done given that my city is hit hard with coronavirus.

Most doctors do not know or understand hormones, is not something taught at school (my mom is a doctor btw and i show her my results and she was "that is good") ..... Be more specific in what were your numbers specially free t....

Again a good test of if you are good or not is a rock hard on first thing in the morning.... However you are 27 you should be good, but i am in a facebook group were there are a lot of 20 year old with horrible symptoms and testosterone levels which open my eyes...

 

[ljrozz69]

Hey Oh pry,

Here's an idea, could you do a report of how one day of yours looks like? Including emotions, thoughts and feelings?

Since you seem to lack awareness this can be a very good way to increase it and also it would help others to help you.

Think about it,
Klimax