great song and also a perfect example of how people want things that you'd think they wouldn't.
Yes.
I think a lot of people assume everyone highly values ideal people: honest, positive, productive, loyal, disciplined, responsible, etc.
While those traits can be attractive, you can be a real scum sucker too and still be very attractive to a lot of people.
A lot of the things that are supposed to be "very attractive" don't really move the needle a lot on actual attraction.
I may just be somewhat cynical about human nature but I don't think that what we value is always so cut and dry. We say we want a thing, but our behavior points to another. Or then there's the fact that people can HIGHLY value things that aren't exactly in their self interest.
I came full circle on this.
I used to think "people are crazy; they value all sorts of things that go against their interests. They've been tricked/brainwashed!"
But one day I asked myself, "Are people really that stupid? Is everyone constantly being tricked and tricking themselves?"
So I made a thought experiment: every dumb or crazy or senseless thing I see people doing, ask myself, "Is there a way this might actually be beneficial to this person?"
What I have found is that at some level the things people do pretty much always seem like the most rational choice, at least based on their own abilities, experiences, options, and environments.
Whenever I see someone doing something I think is nuts now, the first thing I say to myself is, "For one reason or another, this person has judged this action to be correct. Which means there's probably something behind it."
I think we often operate from some sort of unconscious strata, and what ends up defining the shape of our relationships isn't entirely in our conscious control.
Yes.
Even for highly conscious people, I have found, this is still true.
I accept Jonathan Haidt's premise that the unconscious is the "real" us and the conscious mind is just the spin control center:
"All right, let me figure out the best way to explain the decisions my unconscious is making so that other people judge me sane, rational, and consistent."
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(are we derailing the thread that was split off to avoid a derail???)
...
Brother it depends on the context if she went to college and slept with 10 guys when in sorority and now she is 30 and slept with 5 boyfriend lasting each 2 years... You turn 38 and you are looking for someone a bit more mature for compatibility and family and shit and she is still attractive, life together and you fall in love is irrelevant...
If you meet a girl in Eastern Europe with 1 lay count and conservative values and come to America you hook up and she tells you the truth she just got here all of a sudden she lives in South Beach and she discovered the scene and want to experience and go into a cock carousel... Makes no difference..
This is a huge factor in long-term relationship stability evaluation.
I have seen a lot of dudes who do the foreign bride thing make this mistake: "She's low count, so I'll be safe."
If her being low count was situation-dependent, and you take her out of that situation, there is no guarantee she will stay low count.
A lot of girls go boy crazy when they move to new countries or even just different regions/cities... I noticed a pattern living in San Diego where every single married couple who relocated there would be divorced within 3-5 years tops.
Like clockwork, within 3-5 years, every married couple that moved to San Diego would be split; the husband would be out trying to pick up beach babes while the wife would be shacking up with California party guys. Didn't matter how "healthy & happy" their relationships were before the move, if they were high school sweethearts, etc.
The only ones it didn't happen with were the ones who made the switch to being swingers... San Diego is the swinger capital of the USA.
Lay count in my experience no a good indication of probability of stability including guys i helped... Hoc is the closest...
To achieve hoc you can not allow the lay count bias to infiltrate she will eventually catch it, and adjust..
Yes.
It is not just penis-in-vagina "cheating" you are evaluating for either.
It is "how long does she continue talking with other guys into dating guys, how close are those conversations, does she keep other dudes on the hook, is she flirtatious, is she going out to party, is she hanging out with wild & single friends."
I have seen many dudes conclude, "Well, she's never cheated, so she's safe," but meantime she is going out every weekend with her two girlfriends who are constantly single or doing FWB or cheating on the boyfriends they have. Then when the girl cheats it is a giant shocker.
She is going to hide all this stuff from you if she thinks you care at all about cheating.
You get the fullest picture by just being the throwaway guy who is fucking her she sees no future with, and who is refreshing to talk to for her because he's cool with everything.
It's like being her girlfriend with a dick... She will tell all (or at least "much", if not "all").
Then you can decide if you want to keep her around or not.
Chase
www.girlschase.com
