Mentally struggling

[karaton15]

Hey guys, last few weeks for me have been a whirlwind.

Was getting really good with game where I was able to approach 10s no problem. Although struggle with taking it past tentative flirtation.

Then something horrible happened. I was at a club and was gaming a girl and her less attractive friend. The friend said something bitchy and I polarizd VERY lightly (think I like a joke slap) and she FREAKED out. Really the reason this happened is because the girl was jealous. I should have realized that and ignored her or given her platonic attention, not something so polarizing. She was very drunk and she started getting more upset say she had been HIT (she was a very woke girl from the US). Her friends simply did not seem to care about her antics (maybe she did this often) so she started yelling even more. I immediately left before things got out of hand.

This completely freaked me out and made it hard for me to approach. I don't like making anyone unhappy.

I've continued to approach but I've been so stressed with work stuff as well. It's just gotten harder and harder each day.

Now I'm in a country (Argentina) where the girls are SO attractive and stare at you. I'm not sure if it's a culture difference (maybe they give approach invitations but then shit test you by ignoring), the language barrier (i speak very bad spanish), or me giving off neediness, but I've just kind of lost my mojo. I can't even get girls to stop now, and I see girls ignore me or just looking scared on approach.

I'm not sure what to do. Because I have really important job stuff going on right now. I can't take a break from game any longer bc I'm a virgin at 25. Life is just kind of overwhelming.


Any advice on ...
1. Gaming in spanish/when you don't speak the language
2. Argentinian girls
3. Balancing game and caree? I'm here for a month and may never come back. I hate spending all my time in my room working.

 

[Will_V]

No excuses dude. You're in a part of the world where no one knows you and you're free to make mistakes. I did the same thing in Brazil where I lost my virginity way back when.

Practice being social, talk to people and tell them you're practicing spanish. Say 'Hola!' to random girls until you summon up enough courage to say something else - such as asking them to teach you spanish or something silly like that. Make friends, go to parties (I ended up at a week-long sexfest house party during Carnaval when I was still a virgin, was very eye opening although even that wasn't enough to get me laid at the time, lol).

To really make a change in life you have to submit to letting go of the past and reaching out to new experiences without judgement, like a blank slate. In the present moment there is the always the possibility to create a new identity.

Just be careful to maintain good awareness and security so you don't end up mugged going around at night.

 

[Karaton1]

I know you’re right but I feel so awful rn. Idk what to do man. I had a chance to make millions of dollars (or at least hundreds of k) and I blew it. Some things are more important than the game.

I think if I approach right now I either will get ignored or if I push it will get arrested. There’s no in between. I just feel completely rotten broken.

 

[Karaton1]

I’m going to try not fusing with emotions that don’t help me. Noting them and moving on.

 

[orkie123]

Its crazy how short of a description you gave and I can imagine exactly the type of girl haha.

I think a little meditation or distancing from emotions may help you redefine what happened. Because you did nothing wrong, and even if you said something that may have offended her, you clearly did not intend any harm.

Her getting offended is her own choice. Just like its your own choice on how you react to your own emotions. Embrace the emotion and then realise its just that. Then try to reframe it as a positive story. I usually either focus on what I learned or sometimes as a funny story.

Unless its happening all the time, I would find it hilarious if you told me this story at a bar. A drunk chic going crazy at you for flirting. And that's the worse that may happen when you are being brave and going out to meet beautiful women who you will eventually start sleeping with?

It's also normal to have lows when certain things happen. Whats important is to be able to get back into it sooner rather than later, and sometimes all it takes is 1 good interaction with a cute girl. (And then you have the opposite problem of trying not to get too excited too early!)

Edit: I dont remeber if it was an article or a comment in Girls Chase but it helped me:
To get good at game, ocassionally you will come across as creepy. Sometimes it won't even be because of what you said or did, just that for whatever reason a girl found you so. But if you never risk coming across as creepy, you will never find the limits and get the experience for what tends to work with each type of girl and be able to calibrate.

 

[Jan]

From my experience, the best way to deal with fear is to confront it. And it seems that you are living in fear because of that experience.

Lay on a bed, close your eyes (don't fall asleep), go back to this situation in your head and let your imagination play out this scenario in your head. Allow yourself to full the emotion fully, do not run away from it, do not avoid it, do not ignore it. Instead, stay in bed and focus fully on this scenario. Most likely what is going to happen is that your imagination will create a scenario which you are afraid of the most. I don't know. You being arrested for harassment or something.

Basically, you are trying to run away from your fear. And your fear has a message for you. It wants to show you what could potentially happen if this scenario played out badly in real life. If you don't let your subconscious mind show you what it wants you to show you fully, it will a haunt you your whole life.

Instead, you can let it show you, and it will stop. You will most likely realize that it's really not that bad. There were plenty of witnesses of the situation (not just their friends) who can confess that you did nothing wrong. And so on. You have to confront it.

Try it and let me know how it worked.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Was getting really good with game where I was able to approach 10s no problem.

I can't even get girls to stop now, and I see girls ignore me or just looking scared on approach.

I gather from this that you are stopping walking girls in the street... you say you do that with 10s. You also say you're a virgin at age 25. Based on all of that, I would recommend you read this post. In fact I'm going to link it in my signature now because it's that important.

As for Argentina... I had an SNL there once... interesting place. Learn Spanish, then come back later. Verbal game is the most powerful tool in our arsenal. Personally I never bother with language barriers, it's just too annoying talking like a baby for a couple of hours. 2c