Moose Goes Forth

[Lover]

Could you share the part where you thought she was insulting you?

 

[Beam]

Could you share the part where you thought she was insulting you?

Sure, I'll PM you. Though I'm pretty embarrassed about it now tbh.

 

[Beam]

So, update on the girl here who randomly texted me again after a few weeks. We went back and forth for a week - handled it quite well and kept DHVing, framing it as if she was the one chasing me (like, refusing to give her my facebook and jokingly saying that if I did and made it "facebook official", all the other girls would get jealous, which she actually bought into. I then asked her where she was going to put it. "Put what?" "My profile pic - are you putting it on your bedside table or blowing it up and framing it?" Shit like that. She kept laughing and saying she was planning on making a pillowcase out of it. Then I agreed to give her my facebook as long as she didn't get too attached to the pillow and break into my house to get the real thing, or I'd have to start wearing a chastity belt. She responded and I didn't respond for a couple of days - tbh I didn't really care about her anymore.

When I did respond she told me that the night she met me, she had actually had a massive fight with the guy she was seeing and that's why she was out, but that they'd since resolved it. I asked her why she contacted me again then after so many weeks, she told me it just happened recently. And that she was telling me now since they only just resolved it (She sounded hesitant, I doubt it's fully resolved and she's keeping her options open).

Now, I could have tried seeding doubt in her mind and subtly DHLing the boyfriend, but honestly I cbf, especially since I'm not going to be able to get her out because of quarantine. Not worth the effort, I said I hoped it worked out and that she would probably be able to track me down at my house and rip off my chastity belt if it didn't.

Besides that, I've pretty much been focused on my new job and hobbies over the last two weeks. There are a few girls I could be talking to but I honestly cbf due to lockdown - why spend weeks/months/however long it will take for lockdown to lift talking to girls that you may or may not even dig in real life when you finally meet them? I know there are guys out there making it work and bringing girls directly to theirs (I mean I did this two weeks ago but we didn't sleep together), but I feel like it's just not worth the effort and this is a really good opportunity to focus on work and hobbies. So, temporary hiatus on women for me right now, but I'll be back.

 

[Beam]

So, I've recently started seeing the first signs of MPB. And I saw my brother today for the first time in months and the back of his head has very noticable thinning patches - he's only a year and a half older than me. This really sucks and is confusing because my grandpa on dads side and dad apparently only started losing it later in life, my cousin on my dads side is 10 years older than me and has a full head of hair, and my uncles and granddad on mums side have/had full heads of hair. So I didn't think I'd be dealing with this for a while. Genetics is fucking weird.

I started wondering if lifestyle factors were to blame. I don't eat processed foods and go to the gym consistently (well, did when it was open). But I'm realizing now that even though I don't eat shitty foods, my diet still isn't very varied at all.

I've just bought Minoxidil from the Chemist, going to use that on the thinning spots for the next few months.

In the meantime, I've started looking at clearing up my diet to incorporate foods that not only promote hair growth/prevent hair loss, but also stimulate collagen production, testosterone and that have plenty of nitric oxide (thanks to Mike Silvertrees post here, had no idea what NO did before that but realize now it could help me with my erection issues). So far beetroot and bone broth are two big ones that I don't currently eat but that based on what I've read so far, I will be trying to incorporate as staples. Leafy greens too. I eat a lot of beans and broccoli but not lettuce or rocket (I hate rocket but going to see if I can find a way to make it taste good)

Another post which has been/will be useful in the future on testosterone as you age which Skills wrote, which I'm pinning here so I don't forget about it

I also bought the Examine.com fitness guide a while ago but hadn't used it - this might be a good time to bring it out again. Link here for those who are curious (I'm not affiliated with the company but it's a really good site and well worth checking out if you want no bs information about supplements etc):

Examine.com

Examine simplifies nutrition and supplementation — through meticulous analysis of the latest scientific research — to help answer your questions on how to be healthier.

examine.com

 

[Beam]

This has been an interesting month. First an update on my previous journal entry. The minoxidil seems to be working. At first I thought it was affecting my skin but I think that was the lack of sleep from adjusting to my new work schedule (7:30 starts now). I have been eating more beetroot and bone broth, and have also revamped my supplement stack. I now take two fish oils per day, one multivitamin, one Vitamin D3 and magnesium before bed. Thinking of possibly getting ZMA instead of the magnesium to take before bed. Too early to say all these changes are the cause - there could be other factors involved, but I’m feeling a lot better.

I’ve been taking the time during quarantine to really comb through every part of my life and trying to find ways of fixing areas I’m deficient in. This has even extended as far as streamlining my duties around the home. I’ve had a few embarrassing encounters where women have come over and my place and commented on things that I didn’t even notice (like my oven being dirty or the tags still being on my clothes). My house is usually superficially clean but dig deeper and you find canaries in the coalmine. I realize that a lot of this happens because I get lazy with cleaning because I find it difficult. So I’ve been developing processes to make it super easy to keep on top of everything from cleaning to laundry to organizing my pantry, to prevent myself from falling into bad habits. Just boring shit but this is the perfect time to do it and I’m actually enjoying it.

I’ve also started a personal Trello with different boards for the different aspects of my life that I want to develop. Every time I need to do a task I put it there so I don’t forget about it. I’ve used Trello at my last two jobs and it’s been really useful so I don’t see why it wouldn’t be in my personal life too. And it has already helped me remember a few things that I needed to do. Probably one of the best benefits of it is… now if I’m ever bored, I can just check my Trello board and find 10 things that I’d written down that I need to get done. Simple and effective.

One of the most interesting side effects of doing all of this is.. I’m starting to feel more and more like an actual man. I have been yo-yoing between feeling like my old, out of control scatterbrained self to feeling like I am fully in control which has made the difference even more striking. The more I do, the more I learn, the more in control and attractive I feel.

This actually caused me to make a major life decision a few weeks ago. Three of my friends live 5 minutes down the road, and two of them are moving out within the next month. The last remaining one (one of my best mates whom I lived with for a year and was the best housemate I ever had) wanted me to move in.

A year ago I would have jumped at the chance. But now, I told him no. And that is because I’ve been living independently for the last year (I live with other people but we don’t really hang out) and it has been forcing me to get my shit together. I feel more in control and I feel like a man when I am on my own. As much as I love my mate to death and would love to live with him, I just feel living with him at this point would make me complacent and cause me to fall into old habits. I agonized over the decision for a long time, but decided that it was for the best.

On women, like I said in my previous entries I have put them on hold over the last month, but now that things are slowly returning back to normal I’ve started trying to get out of my shell again. I pussied out of a few approaches I really should have made, but today approached and complimented a tall hot blonde in the hardware store. Short interaction and she thanked me and left immediately, but I’m glad I got the balls to do it. And interestingly, when I approached her I didn’t get that adrenaline rush I got from the first approaches I ever did. It seemed normal, and at the end of it I was unphased, instead of shaking like I used to in the past. Probably a really good thing.

Online, I’ve got a few leads, one in particular is pretty cute and seems very interested so I’m going to see if I can get her out at some point in the next week.

As far as night game is concerned, I know the bars are still closed, but I’m concerned for when they open up again because with my new work schedule I go to bed at 10:30 to wake up at 6:30 (and start feeling like death if I push it). I’m afraid that staying out late on Friday and Saturday will absolutely destroy me if I start doing it consistently. I just started really cutting my teeth with night game before Covid-19 started and was making some progress, so it will really really suck if I can’t stay out late anymore. The thought of having my own business with a flexible schedule is looking more attractive by the day.

 

[Beam]

Psychological healing

This post is probably the hardest one I have ever written. It literally took me four hours and probably still doesn't read very well. I just need to get the mess of thoughts swimming around me onto a page so I can distill them down into the common problems and develop an effective plan to nip them in the bud.

The ABSOLUTELY toughest part of this game (for me) is unlearning old habits and addressing deep-seated psychological issues. These reasons alone have made my progress glacial as they keep popping up again and again. At every step along the way it seems like I am fighting tooth and nail against my natural inclinations. These issues not only kill motivation to go out, but even when good opportunities arise they rear their ugly head, sabotaging those opportunities and taking me straight back to square one.

A bit of background for why I am writing this:

So, last week I went on a date and broke my COVID dry spell. LR here. I saw her again a week later. And.. I did not care about her. Was visibly bored. And was looking at this as just an opportunity to get more sexual experience. We did sleep together again. But I hardly put effort into it - it felt like a chore. 15 minutes in I entered her and busted in seconds, a huge contrast to the previous week. I rolled over disappointed with myself. She sensed the change and asked me if I was ok. Then she asked if I wanted her to leave. I said yes. She got up and left. Naturally probably felt really hurt. I apologized the next day and she thanked me for that. We are not seeing each other any more. Before seeing her again I had grand plans of regularly sleeping with this girl, trying out new things (she seemed interested in trying new things too). But, I wasn't able to simply have enough genuine interest to get myself to that point.

Even a couple of months ago I had a girl who was willing to see me again (and I could have used this opportunity to get more sex) but I stopped caring since the whole thing seemed to be a chore, a means to an end (only reason I would want to see her again would be to learn how to fuck well so I can get and keep gorgeous women I truly want), rather than genuinely wanting to sleep with her and give her a good experience.

Both these girls passed the boner test but I realized a big part of my lack of interest in continuing things with them was that they weren't stereotypically attractive. The girl from last week I found attractive but probably wasn't most peoples type, so I was sort of ashamed of being seen with her in public. And the girl from a few months ago was pretty much a little bit overweight. I'm a pretty good looking dude (I don't like saying this but based on my experiences over the last few years I know it's true) so couldn't get past the fact that people were judging the hell out of me. I realize I'm projecting since I do the same thing when I see good looking guys who could do so much better.

But then, even when I get attractive girls, I still have the same sexual problems which have arisin as a result of being out of practice (not paying my dues), driving them away.

What now?

This has been a bit of a recurring problem even in my journal over the last year. So I really want to fix it. I'm going to write out some of the common problems that have come up, why they have come up, and how I can fix them.

1. Uncaring, self centered attitude

Problem:

As I dig deeper into why I am the way I am I realize most of my problems in life generally have arisin because of this uncaring attitude towards people who I think have flaws and how I am quick to dismiss them/not want to be associated with them, even some old friends. I now like keeping people around who are successful and who can benefit me in some way (whether that be socially or career wise). If I don't get any value from someone anymore I don't want to be associated with them, even if they were nothing but kind to me for years. I know this makes me seem like an unlikeable prick. It makes me seem like a narcissistic attention seeker. I don't like this about myself. And it has started accelerating over the last two years since I started trying to really improve myself.

Reason:

The reason I am this way is because I have not yet "made it" and constantly feel left behind. The sheer volume of what I need to do makes me feel overwhelmed, it is constantly on my mind and as a result I come across as extremely self centered. Because I am so preoccupied with myself.

Solution:

1. Forgive myself. I am not a bad person, I'm just in the process of putting myself first now so that in the future I can give all the value I have accumulated to others. I want to give value, but right now I still need to build that value.
2. Make time for friends. Even if it is just one catch up every year. A few hours a year to keep a friendship going is very reasonable and yes, I have time for it.
3. Keep working on yourself and building value. Learn when to say no but gracefully, so that your relationships are maintained.

2. Sleeping with girls once and things going south

Problem:

For one reason or another, I generally only sleep with girls once before things go south. And it's generally not a good experience for them. I'm not leaving girls better than when I found them and also, I'm not getting the sexual experience that I need to be getting.

Reason:
I can lump this into two categories:

Girls I find attractive but society does not: Generally the sex isn't the best but because my value is usually a lot higher than theirs they still want to see me again. I generally want to see them again and sleep with them again, but start thinking about what other people will think and the fact that even in a casual relationship, we'll probably still have to go out in public occasionally. And I don't want to insist on staying home and not going out because then that might bring up the "why are we always in the house" discussion and that will be awkward when she finds out the real reason. So I start withdrawing, she senses my disinterest and things end.

Stereotypically attractive girls: Generally because the sex has been shitty and I've beaten myself up about it afterwards they bounce. My value isn't high enough with these girls to make up for the shitty sex. I feel like in this case beating myself up is also a defense mechanism - I feel like they're eventually going to get bored of me/the sex and leave, so to save myself from this inevidability, I speed up the process and cause them to reject me now.

Solution (broad):

1. Learn to truly love women. If I truly love them, I won't be so quick to lose interest. I've started reading Zan Perrions "The Alabaster Girl" to help me with this. Will go more into this in another post so this one doesn't get drowned out, because this is very very important.
2. Meet more girls so that you can meet ones who you are happy to be seen with in public and sleep with (don't even have to be the most gorgeous ones). Your motivation to keep seeing them will increase and so you will naturally put more effort into the sex.
3. Have a gameplan for how I want the sex to play out with a girl. For example, first three or so times we do it in the bedroom to lock her in, with slight variations. Then start introducing more variety. Having a process and a goal will make me more likely to follow through. It will also alleviate the "what if she gets bored of having sex with me" insecurity because I have a plan for variety.
4. Improve sexual ability. This will really solve most of the issues. If I'm confident I can perform consistently my motivation to keep seeing girls skyrockets. Which brings us to the third area:

3. Sexual ability

Problem:

Pretty much all my sexual issues can be distilled down to two things:

1. Not easily getting and staying hard. This also means I have problems entering her and the fumbling around makes me even softer - and on we go in a vicious cycle.
2. Cumming quickly

I think these two are linked:

Reason:

I suspect I have a lower sex drive. Because I have trouble getting rock hard most of the time on my own, I rub myself against her or get some other form of manual stimulation until it's hard enough to enter. I am also stressing about getting hard enough which adds to the anxiety.

By this point because of the manual stimulation my dick is already primed and I am also a bit anxious and relieved about being inside, and so when entering I come quickly. This is as much a psychological issue as it is a physical one.

Solution (broad):

1. Right now I go down on her and then she goes down on me. After this I enter. A few users have suggested her going down on me first, then me on her to get her nice and wet, then entering. I'm just afraid that I'll lose my erection during this process. But this would be solved by really getting into it.

2. Getting naturally strong erections without required hard manual stimulation beforehand would help.

3. Boost sex drive (diet, exercise, taking risks).

4. Mentally being in the right state. Always focus on dominating the fuck out of her in the bedroom. Don't be lazy. Dominating her actually turns me on and helps get me hard.

Will distill these down further into an easy to follow list of shit I need to do.

 

[Beam]

So this may come across as kooky, but I don’t care, I need to get it out and it makes sense to me. Last journal entry I said I started reading Zan Perrions “The Alabaster Girl”. Holy shit, I’m only 30% into the book and it has already dropped some truth bombs. It’s almost like a religious text. I’m not even finished yet and I would recommend it already.

There’s a lot in the book but really the part I want to focus on right now (I want to focus on one part for now so that I don’t get overwhelmed – this is another book I’ll have to read multiple times) is loving women. All women, young, old, ugly, hot, fat, fit. Not tricking my brain into it. No mental gymnastics. Genuinely loving them and believing in them. I believe this will help me so much and will actually be a good, solid, legitimate foundation I have in any interaction going forward. I don’t want to fake interest in anyone. I’m sick of leaving women with negative experiences. I want them to smile when they think of me and it hurts me that they don’t. Does this mean I don’t like women now? Hell no. I do. But I have never really appreciated them the way they are supposed to be appreciated. I’ve been self-centered. Only thinking about what I can get out of the situation. And women pick up on this.

“Men who love women are loved by women”

So simple but so powerful. Now I know more than anyone that reading a book sometimes gives you a temporary shift in outlook but then given enough time you might go back to your old ways. So what I want to do is frame this in the context of what I have experienced. If I can frame it in a way that makes sense to me, I’m a lot more likely to buy into the idea and internalize it as a permanent part of my personality.

Re-framing

Looking back to all the naturals I’ve ever met, the guys who had a natural ease and charisma about them, they all loved women, and women loved them. They had all lost their virginities quite early (around 14). The guys grew up surrounded by women and positive experiences with them. Of course they had a natural ease and charisma about them, they weren’t worrying about women because women had always been a part of their lives. Guys who didn’t have as many positive experiences would be more prone to negative thoughts and bitterness. I’ve gotten over a lot of my bitterness and negativity over the last year and a half, but those formative negative experiences still linger and hold me back. So I want to try to reframe them in a positive way. Or at least make peace with them so I can finally move forward. Mentally putting myself in the same headspace as the natural is, despite the 10 year difference in xp.

The way I do this is by forgiving.

I forgive the girl who gave me the stink eye in primary school and told me “she wasn’t talking to me” when I thought she was asking me a question and I excitedly answered. She was little and didn’t know any better. I met and worked with her years later and she was lovely. I forgive the pretty older girl who clearly ignored me for 15 minutes at the counter when I was 14 buying candy, and gave me the stink eye and reluctantly served me when I spoke up about it. I forgive the pretty girl I crushed on in high school who gave me the stink eye when it was her turn to dance with me and then when the song ended grabbed her hands away like I had the plague. I forgive her for dropping a piece of rubbish on my head when it was her turn to do cleanup duty when I was just talking to my friends. I forgive the girls who all gave me the stink eye and walked away when I first plucked up the courage to start approaching girls in nightclubs when I turned 18. My fundamentals were pretty bad back then, I don’t blame them. My manager at the supermarket I worked at who everyone hated. She was probably stressed out and not a bad person. People don’t wake up in the morning wanting to be jerks. All the girls who rejected me, they weren’t rejecting me, they were rejecting my presentation. Do I like the way they did it sometimes and feel it was justified. Hell no. And I will call out that shit now. But I forgive them. And love em I’m even grateful to them, because without those negative experiences I probably wouldn’t have started on the path of self improvement. Sound like Jesus right now, stopped believing in that when I was 15 but maybe he was onto something.

I still autoreject myself from certain girls mainly because my formative experiences taught me that those girls didn’t like me. I want to try to make a real effort not to believe that anymore as hard as it is. Will I still be cautious and read the situation? Of course. But to paraphrase my good man Zan again “you can have any girl. Not every girl. But any girl”. No girl is out of reach. I’m going to try and internalize the following words:

“Every woman is my woman. That’s the way I choose to see it. I may discover that she is not. But that is my starting assumption. They are all my girls. When you believe that, they start to believe it too”

I’ve had enough positive reference experiences with women over the last few years (thanks to putting a ton of effort into my appearance) that I can buy into this frame without having to stretch the imagination too much.

There is the other side too which I need to acknowledge while we’ve been talking about rejection. And it’s all the girls I rejected, ignored and treated like dirt. Because yes it went two ways. I have always treated unattractive girls kind of badly. Not in an overt way, but more of a dismissive way. A lot of the time they can’t help it. They were born like that. Like one of my sisters friends who had a birthmark across the side of her face. She had a crush on me in high school. I thought “no thanks”. When she got a boyfriend I thought “he’s a better person than I am because I would never date her”. Horrible thought. That was years ago and I’ve gotten a lot better about this.

However, I’m digging down deeper into what type of girl I seem to dismiss more. I realize that I’m more dismissive of girls who don’t seem to put in effort (bad clothes and overweight). On the other hand, I am more kind to girls who genetically are unattractive but put in effort with makeup and clothes. Same if a girl is overweight but still fashionable and feminine. I like that. That’s why I have slept with girls of both categories. But I have not wanted to keep them around long term. I’m conflicted. I don’t think I should toy with their emotions anymore – I know myself and if I know I am going to do this, I should be kind to them and encourage them but not take things further to spare them hurt. Even though they are easier to have sex with.

“There are no ugly women, only lazy ones”. I realize the same is true for men. There are no truly unattractive men, only lazy ones.

But even for those who don’t seem to put effort in, the “lazy” ones, I can’t dismiss them so easily. Sure, I may not want to have them be a permanent part of my life, but they might be on the journey of self improvement and I can’t know that, really. They might be just like me at 18, unattractive but still trying. I still remember the girls who were kind to me back then fondly and also feel sad that because I was not confident I projected my insecurities onto them. I want to make an effort to do the same now. I want to love them and hope they find happiness. When I find myself in their company, it needs to be my job to make them feel beautiful. But if they seem to have no desire to improve or otherwise seem like a toxic person, I am out. I do not want that negative energy in my life.

I realize an apology to the girls I have mistreated on an anonymous forum is meaningless. So I won’t do that. But what I will do is forgive myself. I want to have some compassion for myself as well. I genuinely wanted to be better but felt trapped. And like any animal when it gets trapped, it lashes out on occasion. Fighting your mind and natural inclinations is hard. Really really hard.

Taking this mindset out into the world:

A few days ago when I went out I was focused on this mindset. Letting the negativity flow away. Just letting myself appreciate the women around me. My girls. And it worked. If anything I went a bit overboard. Every time I saw an attractive girl doing something cute (like working out at the gym or singing in the car) I genuinely broke out into a goofy smile. I felt like I had to reel it in. Why did I feel this way? Hiding my true desires. I wanted to look at them, and take them in and appreciate their feminine energy. I remember breaking out into goofy smiles when I saw attractive girls when I was younger and some people, even so called “friends” said it looked creepy. The desire to express my desire got stamped out of me and I would like to reclaim it.

There are a few things I need to drill into myself:

If a girl rejects me in the future, that’s ok. If I stumble over my words and make a fool of myself, that’s ok.
If I can’t think of anything to say and want to talk to her, go do it anyway, say “Hey, I don’t really know what to say, but I saw you and had to come over and say something because you look totally gorgeous today”. Direct vs indirect doesn’t matter, this is about motiving me to go out which has been a real struggle.

I want to be a positive force, a grounded, masculine force. And I need to seek out the feminine force which I desire and need in order to develop this masculine force. I want the self-actualization I can only get from women. It doesn’t really seem like a wife and kids is my motivation like I thought it was.

End.

 

[Beam]

Went on a bumble date on Sunday. This girl is a real cutie, shifted venues twice, wanted to head to a park near mine then try to go back to mine, but she had to go home to meal prep for the week, but not before suggesting we meet again next weekend. Ended with a quick kiss. Going to try to aim for a thursday meet, since obviously from experience weekly dates are too slow.

Most of the date was pretty standard, but at one point I looked her in the eyes and said she had a great smile (but was really sincere about it - she did!) The way I said it and the way I looked at her when I did (not in an innocent way) made her stumble over her words and blush. I don't think I've ever said something that has had such an effect on a girl on a date before - I will definitely be incorporating that into the toolbox - search for something during the date that I really like about her then pull it out to heighten the tension.

Approached a cutie in the supermarket today. I literally used the "Hey, I don’t really know what to say, but I saw you and had to come over and say something” line from my last journal entry. It was genuine because I genuinely didn't know what to say, and I realize a lot of my hesitation to approach comes from hating using the same opener over and over again. It doesn't feel genuine. And I know we have to target the openers to the specific girl, but 90% of the time I can't see something specific about the girl that I want to compliment her on in a split second. 90% of the time I think she's just cute, which is why I usually default to the canned "Hey ... you look totally g" line. She was flattered but told me had a boyfriend.

That is however! Another sticking point. I realize I do this now. Make one approach then taper off. It's generally pretty smooth because it's genuine (and this is because it takes a real cutie to make me want to make the first approach, so naturally the more into her I am and the more positively I think I will be received, the more smoothly the approach goes) . But then every other approach after that seems like I'm just following a process - the heart is not in it.

My solution needs to be to think in numbers. But I also need to acknowledge that what I am feeling is normal, that cooling off is required. But I need to speed up the cooling off period. In this article it is recommended that we keep approaches to 10 per hour max (one per six minutes). Also move around. I did see more girls in a different part of the supermarket that I wanted to approach after the first one but again - felt non-genuine and then I got the nagging feeling that I would be recognized (a couple had heard me approach this one and the guy looked back with a big grin on his face). I got paranoid.

One other important thing to note that as I was standing in line, I sensed a girl coming up behind me. From my periphery she looked attractive. I thought of an opener and looked back to see her face but she wasn't as attractive as I thought, so I didn't say anything and looked forwards again. Wrong wrong. This was an automatic, snap reaction and at odds with my new goal of loving all women. This reminded me of something that I'd read in "The Alabaster Girl" just yesterday. This book is a goldmine.

Some context: He was with a client I think? Who was complaining about the lack of women in his life. Immediately Zan brought over two girls and they started chatting and dancing. Zan left, when he came back the client had his back to the women. When Zan asked what happened, he said "They're not attractive". Then Zan dropped this:

"If you only smile and “turn it on” and “buy drinks” for women you are physically attracted to, and you ignore all the rest like they don’t exist just because you think they cannot benefit you in some way, well then, quite frankly, you lose. You lose at women. You lose at life. Charm is not something you can turn on and off whenever you think it suits you. Charm is not what you do. It is what you are. I am not necessarily attracted to these two either. But they are women. They are lovely. They deserve our entire attention. They are dancing for us. For us. Do you understand? This is why I have women in my life and you do not.”

I thought about this immediately when I didn't say anything to this girl. It was an automatic reaction that I need to train myself out of. A bad habit that I need to destroy.


So quick action plan summary:

1. For dates going forward - find something about in her in particular that you love during the date. Once you've noticed it a couple of times, pull it out as a compliment and give her "the look" when you say it. This could immediately heighten sexual tension and can be pulled out anytime. Which is awesome if I'm having trouble transitioning to flirting (which I often do)

2. Figure out how to shorten the "cooling off" period you have after your first approach, so that you can reset and approach more girls. Think in numbers. But still be strategic about it to minimize the chances of being recognized (standard methods include moving around, having 10 approaches max per hour etc).

3. Train brain to be charismatic all the time. Train brain to remove the automatic reaction to not talk to women you don't find attractive. Charm is not something you can turn on and off whenever you think it suits you. They are all your girls and your job is to make them all feel beautiful.

 

[Beam]

So because of a few people not following the rules which caused a massive spike in cases, my state has gone back into hard lockdown for 6 weeks. That means no leaving the house unless it's for food, daily exercise, care giving and work.

Went on a bumble date on Sunday. This girl is a real cutie, shifted venues twice, wanted to head to a park near mine then try to go back to mine, but she had to go home to meal prep for the week, but not before suggesting we meet again next weekend. Ended with a quick kiss. Going to try to aim for a thursday meet, since obviously from experience weekly dates are too slow.

So this is going to be a bit tougher now. Real shame because I actually like this chick. Keeping interest for 6 weeks is going to be difficult, but she's really the only good lead I have right now. The plan is to rely on phone and video calls (not frequently, maybe like once a week max of course). Could possibly try to get her out to "exercise" as well since I believe you're allowed to exercise with one other person (not sure though). This girl is currently working on a COVID-19 vaccine though, so I think it's going to be really tough to get her to bend the rules at all as it may be hypocritical.

Again, women going on the backburner for the next 6 weeks. My plan of the next 6 weeks is to plan out my next couple of years and break down everything that I want to achieve into smaller chunks. Most things I have tried to get better at I have not followed a specific plan, I've mainly just followed the bouncing ball, googling as I go and noting things down as I've progressed. But I've hardly stopped to think about where I am actually going. So this is what I would like to sort out.

 

[Científico]

Nice journal. Do you find any increased approach anxiety while approaching in the supermarket because everyone is wearing masks? I haven't done much approaching in a supermarket since this stupid pandemic started for that reason.

 

[Beam]

Nice journal. Do you find any increased approach anxiety while approaching in the supermarket because everyone is wearing masks? I haven't done much approaching in a supermarket since this stupid pandemic started for that reason.

Not many people are wearing masks here where I live! I don't approach enough anyway (one of my biggest limitations), so I haven't approached anyone with a mask.

 

[Beam]

Bumble date update

Went on a bumble date on Sunday. This girl is a real cutie, shifted venues twice, wanted to head to a park near mine then try to go back to mine, but she had to go home to meal prep for the week, but not before suggesting we meet again next weekend. Ended with a quick kiss. Going to try to aim for a thursday meet, since obviously from experience weekly dates are too slow.

So this is going to be a bit tougher now. Real shame because I actually like this chick. Keeping interest for 6 weeks is going to be difficult, but she's really the only good lead I have right now. The plan is to rely on phone and video calls (not frequently, maybe like once a week max of course). Could possibly try to get her out to "exercise" as well since I believe you're allowed to exercise with one other person (not sure though). This girl is currently working on a COVID-19 vaccine though, so I think it's going to be really tough to get her to bend the rules at all as it may be hypocritical.

This is over. I put out an invite to hang out over the weekend and got this:

I'm so sorry for such a late reply to your earlier message M! It's been a crazy week

I hope you're okay with my honesty, I had a really nice time getting to know you last weekend and you seem like a really lovely, intelligent, genuine guy. But it also made me realise I'm just not ready to put myself out there on the dating scene quite yet. You seem great and deserve to go on dates with someone equally as great, but right now I don't think that person is me. So all the best for everything "nickname she gave me", take care

Ouch. We all know that she is absolutely was ready for the dating scene given she was getting excited over text and invited me out, but I dropped the ball. I figure this was due to either not making myself vulnerable enough or missing escalation windows. Even though I know better, I still got caught in the toxic "this is a good girl can wait" trap. I sent a sincere response to her which I thought was non-needy trying to make myself a little more vulnerable and trying to get her out again. But no response. Worth a shot.

Who has time to reply when you're saving the world? Haha

(she is currently working on a COVID-19 vaccine)

Hey I appreciate the honesty. But I want to be real too. I'm not that great and don't care about finding someone equally as "great" (probably codeword for someone who has no apparent flaws - impossible!) I'm just a guy. And you seem like a cool girl I want to be around, without any expectations that nobody can possibly live up to

The offer still stands. I'd love it if you could still come out. If not, that's ok

From the above, to make it a little less needy could have used "and you seem like a cool girl I want to have around" rather than "be around", because what I texted framed her as the prize. Maybe could have also said at the end "If not, that's ok. I'll survive ". I don't know. Maybe the whole text was cringeworthy but I wanted to give it a try and gauge the response.


Specific Lessons

Nevertheless, an important lesson. Even though I had the right idea (my having the date somewhat close to mine and trying to gently lead it to my place, I made a lot of mistakes:

1. The date was still quite a far walk from mine at a coffee shop. There is another coffee shop 2 minutes from my house which I should have suggested instead. My usual date go-to spot is closed because of lockdown so I didn't really know where to go. I also don't usually do coffee dates so this was a first. Coffee shop near mine is my default spot for daytime dates now, until my usual spot opens up again.

2. Missed escalation windows (possibly). Points where she sat and just smiled at me but I got flustered and kept talking. I had said that I lived nearby before the date, she was expecting me to escalate, probably. Find out how to address this escalation window which comes up frequently.

3. Was not persistent enough. When she said she had to go to meal prep I pretty much said "sure". Now I realize there has to be a balance here. I don't want to be too pushy and I want her to have autonomy. But it wasn't true to myself. I wanted her to stay. I wanted to walk to the park and then to mine. But I defaulted to "that's ok, next time". I defaulted to "this girl probably likes me enough that we'll meet up again at least". And I had in the back of my mind that I could just use date compression to seal the deal.

The truth is her saying she had to meal prep took me completely by surprise. And by then I suspected that trying to make her stay would have been needy. But it reminded me of this excerpt from this article: https://www.girlschase.com/content/escalation-windows

When I was first training myself up as a persistent guy, it helped me to imagine myself as a Latin or Italian man romancing some ravishing belle. In America, men are trained not to be pushy, so we’re much more hands off and if a woman says, “No, I have to get up early tomorrow,” we just accept it and back down, even if that’s not what she wanted us to do. Can you picture a Latin man or an Italian man letting it stand at just one refusal?

Italian: Come with me, bella donna!
Girl: Alas, I cannot, I must rise early tomorrow.
Italian: Oh, okay.

Silliness! Here’s how a romantic man runs this interaction:

Lover: Come with me, let’s have a nightcap before we call it a night.
Girl: Ah, I can’t, I have to get up early tomorrow.
Lover: You can come with me. We’ll spend but thirty minutes, then you can go.
Girl: But I’m tired!
Lover: The night must not end too soon! Thirty minutes; let’s go.
Girl: Okay…

4. This ties in to the previous point. I didn't seed the pull, at all. Nothing came up as a conversation point which would have allowed me to take her back to mine. I have a lot that I can use (my strange house, my guitar, my motorbike). The guitar came up in conversation only as we were walking to her car at the end.

Seed the pull. Seed the pull. Early.

5. I mentioned this earlier, but, I got caught in the toxic trap of "this girl is different". "This girl seems like she's happy to wait, it can wait until the next date. She probably wants me as a boyfriend". I realize now, too late, that this has happened to me many times before. And most of the time it hasn't meant "I want this guy as a boyfriend", it has meant "Hmm, that was a bit underwhelming and I didn't feel the connection, maybe I'll give it another go because he seems nice". And then on the way home when they think about it more, or I text them more, they think "ok, nothings going to change, I don't want to spend any more time on this. That's a shame. Oh well".

My openers are strong. I've had a few attractive girls being the ones asking me out. My behaviour on the date changes when I see how attractive they are, and they pick up on this. Suddenly I go from being the prize that they asked out, that they were trying to lock down, to another guy starstruck by them. "Obviously he must not meet many girls as attractive as me". Negative preselection, more harshly punished because of my initial impression as a guy who does pretty well for himself. There's a disconnect there in their minds. Even for the attractive girls, the only way to reconcile their impression of me before the date and my actions, is to be way more persistent than I currently am. Gently leading to the bedroom works for less attractive girls (and on occasion attractive ones) but it is very much resting on how much she likes me (and also how much alcohol she has had). For the more attractive girls who have serious options, it's not enough to be this passive and "go with the flow".

I've generally been ignoring techniques like fractionation, compliance ladders and the like to date. I've started reading COCPORNS book "Ignite", and there are some gems in there on these topics.

One quote in particular that came up which is really relevant to my situation right now (and I also read a variation of it in "The Alabaster Girl" is this:

Sex should “just happen” because it’s easier to rationalize. If you attach all the cliché traditions to it, you’re basically saying that it’s not going to “just happen”— it must be carefully considered and anchored in a relationship. Ironically, it is often not good for either of you to have this as a starting point for any kind of relationship.

This is what me saying "that's ok, it can wait to next time" is doing. Carefully considering intimacy. She expects this. It's boring, it's predictable.

In a sense, when you start looking at the game of seduction as the act of removing hurdles and not one of creating attraction, your results are likely to skyrocket.

I start, with attractive girls, trying way too hard to sound impressive. No. Remember the Law of least effort. They already find me attractive at the start, I can see it in their eyes. What I am doing after that is trying too hard. Strip it away. Simply focus on removing the hurdles they have to having sex. That is my focus.

Treat attractive girls no different than average ones. A girl is a girl is a girl. As the wise Master Yoda once said:

"No, no different. Only different in your mind"
"You must, unlearn what you have learned"

Notice I did not say attractive girls are the same as average ones. They are different because of their life experiences, just as attractive men are different because of their life experiences.

But I must treat them no different. The thinking should be I am far above her on the social totem pole (which is where I should be aiming to be), it should not phase me how attractive she is. I have seen and dated many like her (well I haven't yet but this is the whole fake it till you make it shtick). But I should still make her feel special, but not in a needy "smile at her like she is a goddess" way. I think I went a bit too overboard with this on this date. I'd just finished reading "The Alabaster Girl" when I went on it. Amazing book but need to calibrate properly lest I come across as a nice guy (easy to do after reading this book if your calibration is not on point, because as Zan discusses in the book, the overall approach a man takes to women and recognizing their beauty/loving them in the first and third stages are almost identical, except in the first stage it is coming from an approval seeking, needy place, whereas in the third level it is coming because he genuinely feels it and has nothing to prove. But if you're not calibrated properly, it can be a fine line and women might think "damn another clingy guy" when really you know you are not clingy and can walk away at any time.

The disconnect between how I see myself (powerful, loving, giving) vs how attractive women might see me now (needy, clingy) needs to be addressed through experience.

 

[Beam]

Stumbled across another bit of gold from COCPORNs book which is going to be very very useful.

In my journal I've talked about screening and how I have difficulty doing it with attractive girls who have demonstrated value in another way (through the interests she has communicated). The reason is, she's there, she's attractive, she has already passed my screen. But I don't come across as a challenge this way, come across too needy, and she loses interest.

To quote the book (I'm not going to quote much of it, same with Alabaster Girl, because there's a reason these guys charge money for the info in it. I would recommend everyone buy it - "Ignite" by Thomas Denson on Amazon):

When fighting for screening frames... keep in mind that it is fully possible to feel one thing and communicate something else. You might be head over heels in love with a girl and still run screening game. Because you know that it is going to make her invested in you, and chances are you're both going to end up happier because of it.

This is what I need to understand. We're both going to end up happier for it. A pattern I've fallen into is, when an attractive girl is talking about something passionately, I start smiling widely. I love it. I think this is fine, but after that I'm generally sold on her and want to sleep with her. But that's not enough. I need to be screening more, making her fight harder for my attention. Can't be too easy. It has not worked so far. She sees that she's talked for 5 minutes about a hobby of hers and I'm already acting like a puppy dog around her and its clear to her that I'm not that much of a challenge. Interest lost.

Only thing is how to do this while still coming across as genuine.

 

[Beam]

I just finished reading COCPORNs book on tinder as well (but a lot of the concepts apply to real life as well), and a term he introduced to me is "tension threshold". Some people have low tension thresholds, meaning they are the ones to break eye contact, double text after a risky text (for instance to say "I was only joking" or using smileys etc. Others have high tension thresholds, and that for most guys, their tension threshold is lowered the hotter they find the girl, to the point where it gets unbearable around a girl they find really hot and they break easily. Never really thought about it like this before. He mentions that your tension threshold will naturally lift with more abundance, which makes sense. I currently have a fairly low tension threshold even amongst girls I might not find as attractive, especially when they are looking at me like this with a sexy smile. The higher your tension threshold, the more likely it will be unbearable for her and she will be the one to break.

I realize this applies to all my relationships with women. I do better with text now, but I've realized:

I'm generally the one who breaks eye contact when a woman is looking at me intensely, whether it be on dates or in the street. And it's generally when they're looking at me with interest.

The reason I do this is I have a low tension threshold.

From now the way forward is clear - heighten my tension threshold so she is the one who breaks first, in public and on dates. This ties in with dominance.

I do find that when I've had a particularly bad day, my tension threshold lowers when texting as well and I'll use more smileys and so on, and also double text (for instance if she hasn't texted back). This all has to do with a lowered tension threshold.

 

[Beam]

So, putting this here as a reminder to myself because over the next 6 weeks because of lockdown I probably won't be posting as much. Just working and putting women on the backburner, but wanted to squeeze out all the lessons I learned over the last few weeks, especially the failed date.

Main things to work on (some are repeats from previous entries):

1. Keep loving all women and thinking of them as my girls (they're just girls). Being charismatic at all times, with men and women no matter what they look like. Having a magnetic presence (see Bill Clinton as a reference). Top (friendly, sociable) and bottom (sexual) energy. Shorten cooling off period after approaches.
2. Read my "psychological healing" entry again, especially the actions section.
3. Learn the techniques described in COCPORNs book (most important being open loops, fractionation, overextension, investment, screening). Book only took two days to read so will probably read again at some point closer to the end of lockdown.
4. Tension thresholds. Increase it, it applies to every aspect of seduction from meeting to texting to the date to the bedroom.

 

[Beam]

Getting more thoughts out onto the page. This really is therapeutic. I realize that when I go on a date with an attractive woman (and this is a particular type of attractive, not the instagram hot type, the classically beautiful type), I am subconsciously imagining a fantasy future with her, showing her off to friends and family etc, just based on the way she looks. And this is bringing out needy behaviour. Why am I doing this?

Roots go back to growing up. When I was a kid, seeing family friends with their attractive wives and being in awe. When I see a woman who reminds me of those wives, I am projecting myself and this girl I have just met into those shoes, inspiring awe from friends and family alike.

Part of it is also because, out of my whole family I'm the only one who's never had a proper relationship before, and I always get asked about it from my extended family. Not to brag again but I'm probably one of the better looking ones in my extended family hence they are always confused and always wonder. So the fact that it's been so long means that, when I get an LTR, I want them to be "worth the wait" for everyone. Someone I can show off. I feel like a lot of members in my family are expecting it based on my confident demeanour, so there is that additional pressure.

Well, I don't want to live like this anymore. It is counterproductive. In fact, I used to fantasize about just going out on dates with attractive women because of how people would be looking at us, how it'd make other guys feel. But when I actually started going on dates with attractive chicks I've hardly been thinking about other people, we are in our own little bubble. I don't really care about what other people are thinking. Sure, the cred feels nice after the fact and you do feel like the man, but at the end of the day it's how we feel together.

I need to train this subconscious future projection out of my mind. The focus is on us together now, not some imagined future. This is the quickest way to send her running for the hills. Ideally she would be the one projecting her fantasy onto me, chasing me, imagining herself showing off me to her friends and family.

Maximize fun, now. No expectations for the future. Easier said than done of course but this must be hammered into my mind. She's just a girl. No projection, no fantasies. She can go crazy with that.

But what about the fear of dying alone? Like Zan said in "The Alabaster Girl", if you are a friend and lover of women, you will never be alone, and you will never die alone.

 

[Beam]

Also, asked out the sexy cleaner at work today. This girl was a waitress at a restaurant, but temporarily lost her job when restaurants shut, and started working at my workplace to make ends meet. Met her a few weeks ago and even with her face mask on I could tell she was sexy. Confirmed when she took the mask off. She's short, looks to be Egyptian or South American, and has a really cute foreign accent (haven't asked where she is from yet)

Because I don't want to shit where I eat, and she is only here temporarily, I told her that I wanted to go out when she went back to work at the restaurant. Basically what FT said to do in this post.

She agreed and gave me her number. Didn't enter into my phone properly but she'll be here for a few weeks so will get it again tomorrow. I see her somewhat frequently which is the only problem. Got 5 weeks minimum before she goes back to work at the restaurant so will have to keep the interactions short so as not to diffuse any tension.

 

[Beam]

Not much to update. We're in the third week of lockdown. Masks are now mandatory when in public (and you risk a $200 fine if you get caught without one) which sucks major donkey dick. Had a few cute girls on Bumble but I don't see the point point trying to keep things going for four weeks before being able to meet up. One girl wanted to be text pen pals. Ain't nobody got time for that. Have been pretty much working on developing other areas of my life like I did last lockdown like practicing guitar and learning how to make cocktails/ cook new meals.

Also never ended up getting the cleaners number after having it not entering into my phone properly. Asked her the next day while she was cleaning and she asked if she could do it later. I said sure. But next day our old cleaner came back as she got released from lockdown and I haven't seen her again since. Real bummer.

 

[Beam]

Indefinite full lockdown starting from today in my city. 8pm to 5am curfew. I'll probably be working from home fully now. You can leave the house once for food and once for an hour of exercise. Masks have been mandatory in public for the last two weeks. This in addition to the previous restrictions mean cold approach is effectively dead.

Challenging times. But will get through it. Probably won't be posting here for a while - see you all on the other side!

 

[Beam]

Can't believe it - almost two months since I updated this journal! It doesn't feel like it. Last two months have not been good. Old feelings of depression have come back almost in full swing during lockdown despite my attempts to fight it off. And to top it all off, on Friday I was made redundant from the dream job I nabbed a few months ago, because of Covid. I have four weeks before my end date.

I do have moments of clarity where I realize this is only temporary and that I will emerge out the other side and be ok, but the emotions are hard to control, especially now.

I gave myself this weekend to chill out. But now the priority is on job searching again which sucks ass but that's how it goes. On the plus side, the lockdown seems to be working and cases are down from the 700s per day in July to 14 today. So over the next month or two we can expect somewhat of a return to normality.