My post break up journey

[HeartOfChaos]

Community quickly diagnoses the problem

What diagnosis is that, exactly?

 

[fury661]

What diagnosis is that, exactly?

My post break up journey

But I have no interest in writing field reports. The whole thing is just cringe. Writing field reports is how you get better. If you're not interested in writing them, it means you're not interested putting in the work to get better. 200 approaches and no results is not normal. You are doing...

www.skilledseducer.com

My post break up journey

But I have no interest in writing field reports. The whole thing is just cringe. Writing field reports is how you get better. If you're not interested in writing them, it means you're not interested putting in the work to get better. 200 approaches and no results is not normal. You are doing...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[HeartOfChaos]

My post break up journey

But I have no interest in writing field reports. The whole thing is just cringe. Writing field reports is how you get better. If you're not interested in writing them, it means you're not interested putting in the work to get better. 200 approaches and no results is not normal. You are doing...

www.skilledseducer.com

My post break up journey

But I have no interest in writing field reports. The whole thing is just cringe. Writing field reports is how you get better. If you're not interested in writing them, it means you're not interested putting in the work to get better. 200 approaches and no results is not normal. You are doing...

www.skilledseducer.com

Thats not a diagnosis. There isn't a need for diagnosis, anyway.

And I read and heard most of it before, when I wrote a few field reports from 2010-2015 era and picked up some gems of info from posters who are gone sadly.... It's location problem first and foremost. Guys are forgetting that the location is paramount for success, anyway. I stated this repeatedly.

 

[fury661]

Thats not a diagnosis. There isn't a need for diagnosis, anyway.

And I read and heard most of it before, when I wrote a few field reports from 2010-2015 era and picked up some gems of info from posters who are gone sadly.... It's location problem first and foremost. Guys are forgetting that the location is paramount for success, anyway. I stated this repeatedly.

It's impossible to help someone who refuses to listen

 

[HeartOfChaos]

It's impossible to help someone who refuses to listen

I am not asking for help, not with daygame anyway.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

You are fine. Just human. And that's a great thing to be. Dont forget that.
You know stuff, but you also know how you feel.

Look I have left a few chicks I could have slept with the past days. Made no move to escalate either, because you know what? You know it too. If someone is worth your time and energy, you just feel it. You are still recovering and healing. That's normal and okay

Dont judge yourself over it.
Just know the phase will pass. Life is not a static. Life is a dynamic and a flow. What is meant to be will come at our path if we allow it. Just focus on what is of.importance to you right now, which may be something as simple as having a glass of water and some good feel good.movie or a good workout, a great night's rest or whatever is needed to make you feel good

Oh, it's ok.

I actually went on a date with the American yesterday. Turns out she had a cold before. I also caught a cold recently and still feel shitty, but went on a date with her anyway.

It was ok. Went to a bar. I could see she was ready to make out within minutes, but for some reason I kept delaying it, and only went for it like an hour later. Somehow I sense internally that my current cold, my other chronic health conditions that make me feel inadequate and make me often doubt my physical appearance, and my recent break up have lowered my self esteem and confidence in making fast and bold moves.

Then we went for a walk, another makeout, and I suggest we go back to her place; she says "that's the thing I can't tonight, I need to join online for a virtual online birthday party with my friend back in USA, its their 30th birthday and quiet special blah blah".

I don't force the issue, we walk some more and then I call it a night. Altogether around 3 hours spent on the date. Before partying our ways, I suggest we meet again in 2 days time.

So today I text her "Hey, so tomorrow night still good?" To which I get a bullshit reply "Hey, I had a good time, you are very sweet and handsome person but I didn't feel a romantic connection blah blah".

Yeah, I knew it. Didn't pull the trigger or went for it hard last night and missed the boat. But she was right though, the romantic connection was lacking in a sense.

And this episode reminded me yet again how much I miss being with my ex, how good chemistry we had ,and how for a year I had a break from all this shitty nuisance and huge time waste of having to constantly approach and try to seek out new women to fuck.

I don't understand how anyone can find this act of approaching, scheduling dates, going out on dates even remotely interesting or entertaining. I hated all this charade ever since fucking my first 10 women or so, back in 2012 ish.

What I like is spending quality intimate time with a woman I already fucked and have a great emotional chemistry with. I hate meeting or talking to new women, chatting them up, scheduling dates, wasting time on dates, scheming how to get into her pants fast, worrying when to pull the trigger or not...All this absolute horseshit.

And worst of all, for last 8 years I had no place to fuck, and an hour to travel to any other place that is half conductive to meeting women or setting up dates. So even logistics are so fucked and add a huge layer of difficulty.

 

[theReason]

Stop trying so hard in every area of your life and look for some cheats and shortcuts.

Some people were taught to suffer and I think you are one of them.

But keep approaching.

Also, speech therapy for your accent, and “paperwhite monitors” or “e-ink” monitors for your pwm sensitivity.

Quick escalation, hungry escalation, is also a cheat code to life, so it’s no surprise you have not applied it.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Stop trying so hard in every area of your life and look for some cheats and shortcuts.

Some people were taught to suffer and I think you are one of them.

But keep approaching.

Also, speech therapy for your accent, and “paperwhite monitors” or “e-ink” monitors for your pwm sensitivity.

Quick escalation, hungry escalation, is also a cheat code to life, so it’s no surprise you have not applied it.

Thing is, I do quick escalation. But it's as if I am emotionally have some inner barrier that sometimes prevents me from doing it on date when I should be.

You know, it's funny. It's as if I always had 2 seduction modes:

1) fast verbal followed by physical escalation from first minute leading to typical fast same day lays (or quick lays on the day of the date),

or

2) prolonged dates in more "traditional polite friendly romantic style" where I tend to miss escalation windows through some sort of inner barrier / fear which either leads to a lot of wasted time (but sometimes eventual lays still), or much worse, leads to the girl cooling off completely and losing interest forever

And not often something optimal, in between. And this has always been the issue for me. It seems to me that somehow I am internally scared to switch gears, and unless I start with very fast direct sexual verbal conversation when I approach a woman from in daytime, I get stuck in a "polite more friendly rather than sexual" mode for way too long.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Time for an update on the saga with my ex.

I saw her again yesterday evening holding hands with some guy. I almost bumped into them on a street corner, they were 10 feet away. I don't know if she saw me or not as it was quite crowded and I slowed down and changed direction. I don't think she did.

One thing I can say is that the guy looked nothing like the type of guys she always told me she goes crazy for (think gen Z fashion, baggy jeans, loose clothes fits, accessories, etc). On the contrary, he seemed an older millenial type, committing the cardinal crime of wearing skinny jeans and generally dressed like 10 years in the past.

I remember what she said to me on day of break up: "I'll be looking for a husband"... and then when I bumped into her a few weeks ago: "I am looking for marriage. But not with you. We are too different". Also to stay in UK she needs either a permanent job with a certain salary (that I doubt she can get), or a passport....That she can get with marriage. I reckon one of her older friends from her community set her up with him as she is prob looking to secure a way to stay in UK.

So I bet this is the sorta husband material type guy she would be looking to date from now on.

This whole new twist made me want to message her again on friendly terms and ask how she is, but I am resisting.

 

[theReason]

Ay that is tough.

To your “2 modes” question though, I’d say you get two strikes in such a situation. One for realizing you’ve been in the wrong mode of seduction, and the second for not acting on it.

So basically, if you realize that you should have been doing something, your initial response is “FUCK ME, DUDE. I fucked up AGAIN. Look, She’s ALREADY COLD.”

But you need to change your initial response to “OK, THAT’S MY ONE STRIKE, NOW LET’S DO WHAT SHE APPARENTLY WANTED THEN AND SEE IF IT WORKS NOW.”

You either strike out swinging or you strike out flinching. If you decide to strike out swinging, you still have a chance.

NOTE: this is in reference to your hypothetical “2-modes-of-seduction” thought experiment, NOT YOUR EX.

 

[Skills]

Time for an update on the saga with my ex.

I saw her again yesterday evening holding hands with some guy. I almost bumped into them on a street corner, they were 10 feet away. I don't know if she saw me or not as it was quite crowded and I slowed down and changed direction. I don't think she did.

One thing I can say is that the guy looked nothing like the type of guys she always told me she goes crazy for (think gen Z fashion, baggy jeans, loose clothes fits, accessories, etc). On the contrary, he seemed an older millenial type, committing the cardinal crime of wearing skinny jeans and generally dressed like 10 years in the past.

I remember what she said to me on day of break up: "I'll be looking for a husband"... and then when I bumped into her a few weeks ago: "I am looking for marriage. But not with you. We are too different". Also to stay in UK she needs either a permanent job with a certain salary (that I doubt she can get), or a passport....That she can get with marriage. I reckon one of her older friends from her community set her up with him as she is prob looking to secure a way to stay in UK.

So I bet this is the sorta husband material type guy she would be looking to date from now on.

This whole new twist made me want to message her again on friendly terms and ask how she is, but I am resisting.

If he was wearing skinny jeans definitely husband material.... Anyways winter is cuffing season.. i would not worry about this, just keep no contact.. let her reach out after the honeymoon period goes away and the blinders fall of and she realizes that dude wearing skinny jeans... Also bootcut look close to skinny in style so make sure they wear not bootcut...

 

[HeartOfChaos]

If he was wearing skinny jeans definitely husband material.... Anyways winter is cuffing season.. i would not worry about this, just keep no contact.. let her reach out after the honeymoon period goes away and the blinders fall of and she realizes that dude wearing skinny jeans... Also bootcut look close to skinny in style so make sure they wear not bootcut...

Lol, not sure if you are trolling or half serious about the skinny jeans and husband material!

Nah, he was def wearing skinny as fuck ones, no bootcut. I even haven't worn such ones since like 2016 ish... He had just some boring dated (although "nice") overall style , dunno how to put it, hence me being somewhat super surprised, as I wouldn't expect that from her...


I am usually cool and fashion conscious but for last 5 years I became a hermit and ignored the baggy trend. I always dressed well and several years before I always got compliments on my dress sense from random girls I approached, gay guys and also girls I dated before; but in recent times I sorta stopped giving a fuck in relation to trends. And when I was seeing her in winter, I didn't care much how I dressed half the time as I was always tired, meeting her late and overburdened with personal issues and work. Which often resulted in her joking "You really don't give a fuck as to how you dress haha".

She was right to be displeased at me wearing skinny jeans too initially ; although my ones were slim, not skinny lol, but I guess to Gen Z they are still considered skinny. Anyway, thankfully gradually I updated over the last half a year to more loose style reminding me of my late teenager / early twenties skateboarding days. So luckily when I came across her on the street a month ago and talked to her, I was in my new element again, looking cool - I even immediately saw her glancing over my appearance with a bit of surprised expression.

.Anyways winter is cuffing season.. i would not worry about this, just keep no contact.. let her reach out after the honeymoon period goes away and the blinders fall of

Well, either blinders fall off or she stays together and gets into actual marriage... And given that as you said I sabotaged things by trying to talk to her and call her in recent weeks, I am nor sure if she ever does reach out lol.

The whole thing makes me depressed as fuck myself. I looked through some of her older messages, and I realised where I was fucking up a long time ago: back in March / April time she was going through a heavy, heavy depressive period, and despite me always trying to support her and messaging her daily, she clearly needed me to be there in person more. Over that time period, she was messaging various things about how hopeless she is, interspersed with questions like "can we go for a walk today", "my part time lover, we message daily but see only twice a week", or even once asking "do you hate me?" I tried to dispel her doubts but looking over my communication, it wasn't reassuring enough for her...And it makes me sad how I fucked up a good thing.

I mean fuck, I tried a lot to help her, but I didn't want to appear way too needy then, and I just couldn't see her more often, I have health issues of my own, work and deadlines to meet, and I simply need space and be on my own quite a lot to feel good...

But at the same time, her sudden u-turn after break up - going from normal communication to complete shut down is just weird and not how adults should deal with things, although I understand it was probably another heavy depressive episode...

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Anyways...

Skills, how would you respond if a girl you are dating asked you "do you hate me" via text due to a perceived lack of "availability or communication" on your part?

As in my above post, back in March she messaged me once "do you hate me?" when she was visiting back in Turkey at her parents (she flew there because of depression). A couple of weeks prior to that, while still she was here, she was asking me to go for a walks etc, I was postponing because I was ill and overloaded with work but I still messaged her daily and tried to see her when I could... Then she booked a ticket to Turkey for 2 weeks - her usual modus operandi when she is feeling bad..

To her question "do u hate me", the following conversation ensued:

Me: "strange question"
Her: "yeah I know"
Me: "Then you already know the answer. Why do you ask"
Her: "I feel like u dont want to get in touch with me"
Me: "Really. Strange. Especially since we communicate often"
Her: "Thats how I feel but if u dont feel like that its ok"
Me: "lol...Men aren't as talkative as women you know"

And she says this despite us talking daily!


Then eventually soon after we switched conversation topics, and the mood was ok. But I can't help but thinking my mode of replies wasn't conductive to reassuring her. And then 2 months later she began to withdraw...

 

[Skills]

Skills, how would you respond if a girl you are dating asked you "do you hate me" via text due to a perceived lack of "availability or communication" on your part?

As in my above post, back in March she messaged me once "do you hate me?" when she was visiting back in Turkey at her parents (she flew there because of depression). A couple of weeks prior to that, while still she was here, she was asking me to go for a walks etc, I was postponing because I was ill and overloaded with work but I still messaged her daily and tried to see her when I could... Then she booked a ticket to Turkey for 2 weeks - her usual modus operandi when she is feeling bad..

To her question "do u hate me", the following conversation ensued:

Me: "strange question"
Her: "yeah I know"
Me: "Then you already know the answer. Why do you ask"
Her: "I feel like u dont want to get in touch with me"
Me: "Really. Strange. Especially since we communicate often"
Her: "Thats how I feel but if u dont feel like that its ok"
Me: "lol...Men aren't as talkative as women you know"

And she says this despite us talking daily!


Then eventually soon after we switched conversation topics, and the mood was ok. But I can't help but thinking my mode of replies wasn't conductive to reassuring her. And then 2 months later she began to withdraw...

You answer correctly to after she said "that is how i feel", you could have ask, what can i do differently so you don't feel that way??

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Setting up provisional dates with 2 more chicks next week. They all, including the American and my Ex live in the same area literally, probably like 5 mins walk from each other. Funny that.

I wish I could orchestrate a massive orgy with all of them. Lol. That would help me unwind for sure.

 

[mirror]

I wish I could orchestrate a massive orgy with all of them. Lol. That would help me unwind for sure.

Escapism at its best.

 

[mirror]

It's basically neurological hypersensitivity to direct artificial digital light sources.

Blue light filter?
Special computer glasses with extra filters

More sleep , less digital stress

But short of quitting my job and living on the street, there's not much I can do.

Okay that's hard

I sound like an illegal immigrant who arrived by the boat across the channel yesterday, despite living here since I was 10.

Okay, so just pretend you moved there just now, to be a speaker of some language they simply dont know. Take it easy.