New chapter of my life.

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
I just broke it off with my gf of 4 years. It was very turbulent. On and off because of me and my fears. But at the end I was finally able to be true and end it.

I was not living authentically to my own values. Now that is over, this journal is for my overall self development in life and game.

Before this relationship I was in the game for 2 years. A few lays from cold approach (maybe around 20) and maybe just as much from online game. Quite a few I have regretted as they were not girls I really wanted to sleep with.

I've always had trouble approaching and never set time to work on just that. It would be me going out and through motivation by wings or some other circumstance, I would bash through my nervousness and do an approach, maybe 3-5 and then call it quits for the day. I would skip a lot of sets and pick only ones i felt comfortable with and that I thought would go well. So that mixed with 4 years of being in a relationship and not working on my social skills means I have fucked myself hard.

But lesson learned.

Currently using different methods to conquer approaching including:

CBT, before and after, writing down irrational beliefs and rational ones.

Baby step exposure therapy. Asking for directions, time, whatever, and trying to add more each time.

Walking "Meditation". I meditate normally in the mornings, but when i go out I try to bring awareness in and in between approaches.

Today, I mostly just wrote down a list of my values so I can live accordingly and never be confused what to do. All I have to do is ask myself if its congruent to what i believe in.

I'm still feeling super down because of the break up, so I'm taking a short time to heal.
 

Nicko

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
89
Location
Australia
We all go through up and downs, im glad you have acknowledged its time to to embrace change which Is good that you are aware of ur self.

Its a step a necessary step for improvement and greatness.

Im sure you are going to recover and improve a lot faster if you continously put in the effort and be better than you were before!


Here is some motivation for you :)
You got this man ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑
 

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
Today I asked for directions from about 15 girls. I set my timer for 2 hours and told myself for the next 2 hours I just do my best at this single task and don't leave until then.

It may seem easy to a lot of people, and in a way it is easy for me but:
  • I still skip plenty of sets (like 15+ in those 2 hours) with irrational excuses.
  • I don't feel at ease to the point where I can follow up and add extra conversation. I am not very present nor focused on talking to a pretty girl. My mind is focused on just bailing as soon as I get an answer.
I will continue to do this until I either stop doing the above, or it's considerably lower (like 70% improvement). I'm not too worried about being comfortable in this stage because who the fuck wants to keep asking directions lol?

Then I will move to asking directions and after response, give a compliment.

Side note:

I used to have a journal on rsd forums back in the day. Man I wish I had kept it on my computer. I probably wrote so much insights that would be helpful now.

What is it with breakups and turning on a switch in your head? My advice, anyone who is in a relationship and they are not 100% certain about it, GTFO and live authentically to yourself. Subconsciously it is affecting everything you do. You can't be in an inauthentic relationship, and then go and live the rest of your life authentically. That sickness will seep into everything you do, and you'll pound your head trying to figure out what is wrong.


EDIT: I also made it a goal that everytime i talk to someone outside of approaching, I try to add just a little something extra to the conversation. Especially if i frequent the place, its weird as fuck NOT to chat with a worker you interact with weekly. So today I just bought some bubble tea and asked the worker if she spoke Mandarin or Cantonese and she said both, and I replied how are you in Cantonese, and she was shocked cause she thought this entire time I was Korean, some small talk and she asked if I lived nearby and I said yeah. Then peaced out and said goodnight.
 
Last edited:

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
Today I went out and asked 20 girls for directions, from 3pm to 6pm.

I skipped a lot of sets and I'll try something different next time. Currently, when I see a girl and I freeze up and we walk past each other, or I walk by her from behind and and freeze up and continue on walking past, I tell myself "I skipped this one, damn. On to the next one". Instead, I can tell myself "only you know you intended to approach but didn't, no one else. So it's like you get a second chance."

I've been using CBT to fix some of these irrational thoughts like "Oh we made eye contact and walked past each other, I can't turn around and ask her, she'll KNOW what I'm up to" which is just ridiculous cause people look at each other all the time and it doesn't mean anything.

In terms of comfortability, I'm still focused on getting out asap, even with very friendly responses. I asked these 2 girls where Urban Outfitters was and they both stopped. One girl said "That's a good question, I don't know but I love your outfit" and all I could say was "thanks" while walking away.

Another girl had a really cool outfit on and stopped then thought about my question, then took her phone out and searched it for me. Then told me where it was and giggled. The entire time I was thinking I could comment on her outfit but I couldn't muster up the words.

In terms of persistence I applaud myself cause I stayed out till my feet hurt. I will do this a few more days and see if my skipped sets and comfortability improve or not and adjust my gameplan from there.
 

Beck Bass

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
43
Today I went out and asked 20 girls for directions, from 3pm to 6pm.

I skipped a lot of sets and I'll try something different next time. Currently, when I see a girl and I freeze up and we walk past each other, or I walk by her from behind and and freeze up and continue on walking past, I tell myself "I skipped this one, damn. On to the next one". Instead, I can tell myself "only you know you intended to approach but didn't, no one else. So it's like you get a second chance."

I've been using CBT to fix some of these irrational thoughts like "Oh we made eye contact and walked past each other, I can't turn around and ask her, she'll KNOW what I'm up to" which is just ridiculous cause people look at each other all the time and it doesn't mean anything.

In terms of comfortability, I'm still focused on getting out asap, even with very friendly responses. I asked these 2 girls where Urban Outfitters was and they both stopped. One girl said "That's a good question, I don't know but I love your outfit" and all I could say was "thanks" while walking away.

Another girl had a really cool outfit on and stopped then thought about my question, then took her phone out and searched it for me. Then told me where it was and giggled. The entire time I was thinking I could comment on her outfit but I couldn't muster up the words.

In terms of persistence I applaud myself cause I stayed out till my feet hurt. I will do this a few more days and see if my skipped sets and comfortability improve or not and adjust my gameplan from there.
Really cool stuff. How's the corona thing affecting you interactions? Do you find it hard to speak with a mask on (assuming you're using one)?

I'm pretty much a night game only type of guy, so Corona had me fucked up. I only got laid recently, from Tinder, since this all started.
I always wanted to dabble with day game and expand my horizons but never had any concrete plan for it.
Your approach to improving seems very viable. I already do something similar at the gym everyday, repeating exercises until failure, then raising the weights when I get confortable. It pains that I haven't thought of using something silimar to learn daygame lol.
If you have any tips for a daygame beginner please let me know! Keep us posted about you're inmprovement, and best of luck to you liil,
 

Velasco

Modern Human
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
952
. I am not very present nor focused on talking to a pretty girl. My mind is focused on just bailing as soon as I get an answer.
i found myself doing the same thing way too often. which is why i dropped the directions opener around the holidays. i'll talk a little bit about some of the stuff i did since then to help myself out.

I wrote down the following in my notes app:

“She’s out of my league”- I have evidence of noticing VERY hot girls WANTING me to approach them in and outside of clubs (*list of real 9s who gave me eyes*) And being receptive to me when i go up to them (*list of real 9s who i approached and were receptive after seeing them eye ball me*). Meaning, I shouldn’t be limiting myself to 7s because there are very hot girls that find me hot as fuck. I just need to approach them. I won’t know for sure if this particular girl doesn’t find me hot until AFTER I've approached her. So I'll approach her assuming she’s one of the girls above that, if she'd noticed me, would've wanted me to approach her anyway because I’m still hot to them. They just didn’t notice me (*list of 9s i approached then fucked that didn't notice me before i approached them*). See hot girl -> assume she’s a YES.

Reason 1 for smiling on the open is cuz girls are attracted to guys that are (and know they are) above them. So I'm smiling/smirking when i approach her cause I know she's gonna be attracted to me.

So on approach, my frame is that she's chasing me VS I'm below her.

I like this chart from GameSolved that explains this:


(reading it from left to right, that's how you feel when you approach a girl whose a 7 or a girl that is giving you huge IOIs while your in state. on the right is how you feel approaching a girl you perceive is gonna reject you. Your brain percives the wall is higher, cuz she's really hot, and so because your brain percives it to be difficult, you approach the obstacle/wall with that level of confidence. Hence, approaching from a frame your below her).

Reason 2 for smiling on the open is cuz i know what im about to say is gonna make her laugh.

As of right now, my canned opener for opening girls on the street is, [while smiling] Hey excuse me. Can I ask you something? ok but you gotta be honest. Do you think these shoes make me look gay?

Reason 3 for smiling on the open, is that its one of universally attractive qualities girls like:


Now after reading allll that, come up with your own canned opener. and just be in the moment. listen to what she says. instead of having a read made response to what you think she's gonna say (another one of my mistakes).

good luck.
 

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
Really cool stuff. How's the corona thing affecting you interactions? Do you find it hard to speak with a mask on (assuming you're using one)?

I'm pretty much a night game only type of guy, so Corona had me fucked up. I only got laid recently, from Tinder, since this all started.
I always wanted to dabble with day game and expand my horizons but never had any concrete plan for it.
Your approach to improving seems very viable. I already do something similar at the gym everyday, repeating exercises until failure, then raising the weights when I get confortable. It pains that I haven't thought of using something silimar to learn daygame lol.
If you have any tips for a daygame beginner please let me know! Keep us posted about you're inmprovement, and best of luck to you liil,

Thanks for the encouragement.

I'm in NYC, and 99% of people approached don't give a flying fuck about it. I used to not wear masks and only like 2 people out of 40 said something. And by their attitudes, they were those hardcore pro maskers, not just a concerned citizen. Most people only care, when they think other people are judging them about it. I've been wearing a mask lately, but I'll probably take it off once I start expanding my conversations so people know what I look like.

Daygame is pretty cool if you live in a populated area or you can drive somewhere that is. I consider myself a beginner in daygame as well even though I have a few lays from it. The gym analogy is pretty cool. Only difference I'd say is, some people can plunge in right away (called flooding) and do a basic direct approach and ride the social momentum. While some other people like me, prefer gradual exposure. I've tried the flooding method and it creates a LOT of anxiety in me even after the approach is done, I don't really ride the wave to approach another person because it was that draining.
 

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
i found myself doing the same thing way too often. which is why i dropped the directions opener around the holidays. i'll talk a little bit about some of the stuff i did since then to help myself out.

I wrote down the following in my notes app:

“She’s out of my league”- I have evidence of noticing VERY hot girls WANTING me to approach them in and outside of clubs (*list of real 9s who gave me eyes*) And being receptive to me when i go up to them (*list of real 9s who i approached and were receptive after seeing them eye ball me*). Meaning, I shouldn’t be limiting myself to 7s because there are very hot girls that find me hot as fuck. I just need to approach them. I won’t know for sure if this particular girl doesn’t find me hot until AFTER I've approached her. So I'll approach her assuming she’s one of the girls above that, if she'd noticed me, would've wanted me to approach her anyway because I’m still hot to them. They just didn’t notice me (*list of 9s i approached then fucked that didn't notice me before i approached them*). See hot girl -> assume she’s a YES.

Reason 1 for smiling on the open is cuz girls are attracted to guys that are (and know they are) above them. So I'm smiling/smirking when i approach her cause I know she's gonna be attracted to me.

So on approach, my frame is that she's chasing me VS I'm below her.

I like this chart from GameSolved that explains this:


(reading it from left to right, that's how you feel when you approach a girl whose a 7 or a girl that is giving you huge IOIs while your in state. on the right is how you feel approaching a girl you perceive is gonna reject you. Your brain percives the wall is higher, cuz she's really hot, and so because your brain percives it to be difficult, you approach the obstacle/wall with that level of confidence. Hence, approaching from a frame your below her).

Reason 2 for smiling on the open is cuz i know what im about to say is gonna make her laugh.

As of right now, my canned opener for opening girls on the street is, [while smiling] Hey excuse me. Can I ask you something? ok but you gotta be honest. Do you think these shoes make me look gay?

Reason 3 for smiling on the open, is that its one of universally attractive qualities girls like:


Now after reading allll that, come up with your own canned opener. and just be in the moment. listen to what she says. instead of having a read made response to what you think she's gonna say (another one of my mistakes).

good luck.
Regarding you assuming shes a YES. I've read some contradicting stuff about assuming how a girl would react, because it makes you more outcome dependent. What do you think?

That image makes a lot of sense. I'd say for me, I have a few more walls than you because I sometimes struggle approaching even people that are not attractive. I have a big fear of making people uncomfortable or "disturbing the peace" so I'm working on that irrational belief as well.

I think your line is a very good next step for me. Its funny but set up in a way where it's easy to deliver, somewhat intriguing, and asking them to be honest and them agreeing kind of feels like them complying. And I love gay jokes. I just bought a pair of boots that would work perfectly with this line. I'll make it a stretch goal to ask one person this tomorrow.

Thanks!
 

Velasco

Modern Human
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
952
Regarding you assuming shes a YES. I've read some contradicting stuff about assuming how a girl would react, because it makes you more outcome dependent. What do you think?
If you're going in, feeling good, that means you assume its gonna go well.
If you're going in, feeling nervous, that means you assume its gonna go bad.

Only the former will land you YES girls. The later, you'll fuck it up with them, cuz they'll feel your unconfident vibe (lack of eye contact, low vocal projection, etc.,).

We're always assuming what we're gonna do is either gonna work or not (you'll end up half assing things when you assume they won't). No escaping it (right now, I'm assuming you'll understand this. Why I decided to respond to you in a detailed manner VS half assing it by simply providing you with a GirlsChase link to read). So it's better to do as Razorjack does, and assume she's a YES.

I believe the reality I’m projecting [that she's attracted to me] does all the attraction for me [...] I don’t think about this at all.
than not or even try and seek confirmation that she is:
Sticking Point #5.
Relying on IOI’s in order feel like it’s *on*, instead of assuming attraction. Thinking too much and calculating your behavior based on watching for IOI’s. Don’t wait around for IOI’s before feeling good about the sarge. Her interest will be based on your vibe anyway, and if your vibe is dependent on watching for predetermined IOI’s, then you are leaving it up to chance.

Let’s face it, most IOI’s that people look for are pretty ordinary behaviors that women exhibit when you talk to them anyway. Some of the popular one’s I’ve heard are:

She asks you where you’re from – This is one of the most common pieces of smalltalk when you’re first getting to know each other. She may be asking you this just to be friendly, it doesn’t mean she wants to fuck you.

She touches you – women are actually more likely to touch you if they aren’t as attracted to you, as a way of playing with you. If a woman senses extremely high value, and is a bit intimidated, she is less likely to touch you. She is also less likely to touch you first if you are very direct. Of course, if you don’t even have a chance, she won’t touch you at all. Either way, unreliable as an IOI. [...] Train yourself to see *everything* [aside from "fuck off" body language] she does as an IOI.


I REALLY DON'T CARE about IOIS, OVEREXTENSIONS, ETC... what i care is the absence of fuck off, you repulse me, get away from me obvious signs prior or during the interaction

When you go out to interact with people, and do your thing, your goal should not be to wait for somebody to give you approach invites in order to seduce. Your goal should be to look FOR THE ABSENCE OF THE YOU REPULSE ME GET AWAY FOR ME FUCK OFF OBVIOUS BODY LANGUAGE. Any absence of that should be treated as an approach invite and you should be ok.
 

Beck Bass

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
43
I'm in NYC, and 99% of people approached don't give a flying fuck about it.
Interesting, people here at my city can be pretty judgemental about it (I think I can be included a bit lol, if I gotta use they have to too!).
At the same time though most people will not wear them at all in places where you eat and have no problem meeting a bunch of friends, so all virtue signaling for the most part, not genuine concern or anything.

Daygame is pretty cool if you live in a populated area or you can drive somewhere that is.
I live in a city relatively big for Brazil standards, roughly 2 million people, not nearly as big as NYC, of course, but I think there's great places with lots of people, like parks and malls and stuff like that (buying presents on Christmas was literal hell this year, even with the Rona). Btw, which types of places you recommend to approach girls on?

While some other people like me, prefer gradual exposure. I've tried the flooding method and it creates a LOT of anxiety in me even after the approach is done
I think I'm the same, I've had some days where momentum worked big time in clubs for apporaching women, and I would feel like the king of the place, but I can see how different that would be from approaching on the street and stuff like that. I generally hate shotgun approaching, if I'm going to talk to a girl, I need to feel it.
 

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
Today I approached around 10 girls asking for directions, and mostly just concentrating on how I feel when I do it. My last approach, I was thinking of adding @Velasco 's line of "Hey excuse me. Can I ask you something? ok but you gotta be honest. Do you think these shoes make me look gay?" after asking for directions, but somehow when I saw the next girl I just went for it without the directions, and I switched it up a bit. I was wearing a mostly brown / cream outfit and said

"Hey excuse me. Can I ask you something?" (girl takes off headphones) ok but you gotta be h-h-honest. (I actually stuttered lmao. It's been so long since I said something that wasn't a serious question but I don't think she caught that part cause the mask kind of muffles it). Do you think this outfit makes me look like a UPS driver? I just saw a truck drive by and was feeling self conscious (with a smile). The girl bust up laughing and said "nah you're cool :D".

I felt a big surge of whatever you want to call it anxiety/excitement but it went away fast and I didn't approach anyone after that. However I was pretty proud of myself even if it was just 1. I think I will add it on to the end of my "directions" so it isn't as big of a jump. I usually ask for directions to a clothing store anyways so it kind of ties in with commenting on my outfit / shoes. Then do some at the end with just the opener.

If you're going in, feeling good, that means you assume its gonna go well.
If you're going in, feeling nervous, that means you assume its gonna go bad.

Only the former will land you YES girls. The later, you'll fuck it up with them, cuz they'll feel your unconfident vibe (lack of eye contact, low vocal projection, etc.,).

We're always assuming what we're gonna do is either gonna work or not (you'll end up half assing things when you assume they won't). No escaping it (right now, I'm assuming you'll understand this. Why I decided to respond to you in a detailed manner VS half assing it by simply providing you with a GirlsChase link to read). So it's better to do as Razorjack does, and assume she's a YES.

When you go out to interact with people, and do your thing, your goal should not be to wait for somebody to give you approach invites in order to seduce. Your goal should be to look FOR THE ABSENCE OF THE YOU REPULSE ME GET AWAY FOR ME FUCK OFF OBVIOUS BODY LANGUAGE. Any absence of that should be treated as an approach invite and you should be ok.

On paper I totally get your points, but harder to internalize I guess. Like affirmations which I don't find particularly helpful to me, I usually have to back it up with evidence (like approaching a girl I think won't go well, then having it end up going well, and with enough of these it will switch my brain). It looks like your link has an implementation guide so I'll try that and see how it goes.

Edit: I just answered the questions he used to come up with his "rare gift". I added them to my word doc I have with my values. It was very helpful. Now lets see if I can learn to internalize this reality.
 
Last edited:

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
At the same time though most people will not wear them at all in places where you eat and have no problem meeting a bunch of friends, so all virtue signaling for the most part, not genuine concern or anything.

You speak the truth.

I live in a city relatively big for Brazil standards, roughly 2 million people, not nearly as big as NYC, of course, but I think there's great places with lots of people, like parks and malls and stuff like that (buying presents on Christmas was literal hell this year, even with the Rona). Btw, which types of places you recommend to approach girls on?

Anywhere really, you made a pretty good list yourself lol. My buddy just posted a snap of him in rio de janeiro and I heard he closed some fine beauties down there.
 

Beck Bass

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
43
My buddy just posted a snap of him in rio de janeiro and I heard he closed some fine beauties down there.
I never visited Rio myself but I have a friend that has been there and says girls there are fiiiiine...
I live down in the south where there's a bunch of European descent entitled people lol, they are not as easygoing as a lot of the people from the rest of the country, that's for sure... But still there are some real beauties down here, girls with those angelic faces and that A that makes you go dammmn... Also not many guys with good game, only a few posers that think their money is gonna get them pussy (and it does with the cheaper hoes, but well), so it's a great place to live in, I think, for the most part lol
 

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
1/14:

Today I was supposed to go snowboarding. I didn't sleep at all because of excitement but plans changed and I didnt end up going. I still went out even though I felt like doo doo! So props to me.

I approached around 10 girls asking for directions. In terms of just asking for directions, I noticed I have been able to go for the hotter girls now. So that's something. I still skipped a lot, and did not turn back around to open them like I planned.

In Between these sets, I used the opener from yesterday on 2 girls, except now I actually said the "does my shoes make me look gay".

Right when I said "Hey" to the first girl, she said "oh hey" as if she knew me. That threw me off, and after a bunch of awkwardness, I delivered the opener anyways, then some more awkwardness ensued and I left.

The 2nd girl I opened with this, kind of walked past me a bit more then turned and stopped for a second. I delivered my opener and she just said "no?" in a way where it was almost "bad".

Throughout the day I was reminding myself of what I have to offer and what I wanted a girl to have, from the exercise I did yesterday.

So overall, I didn't really stick to the plan I had made yesterday, but I guess there was some progress? Here's my bare minimum plan tomorrow:

Ask first girl for directions
Ask second girl for directions + "opener"
Deliver opener straight away on 3rd girl

Repeat 5x for a total of 15 girls. Turn back around for sets I "skip"!
 

whoami

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
20
1/21: It's been a week since my last post. Can't say I've progressed much. I hit a slump right after the last post and there was a period of 3 days where I talked to one girl each day only. Then for a few days I hung out with a friend (who I guess is an intermediate level, never had to get over AA, 200+ lays, but still gets blown out off the open at times because he doesn't care to go anything other than direct). That didn't go well because it was even harder for me to approach with him nearby. Those few days I approached maybe 2 girls with the outfit line from previously.

My birthday also past. My ex showed up at my apartment out of nowhere and I had to say goodbye to her again which kind of reopened some old wounds. I told her not to do that again.

Today it was a bit better...I opened the first girl I saw without thinking and asked for directions + told her she had a nice outfit on. She was really receptive. That has happened a few times this week, they would be very receptive and walk in to me super close to hear what I had to say. But I couldn't take advantage of it with the state I was in. I also gave one girl a compliment walking by and she said thanks. I also asked a few directions in a different way. Instead of asking "do you know where is XXX?" I said "Hey....I heard there was a really good ____ around here etc." The rest were just asking normal directions. I went home to eat then came back out for 40 minutes and managed to only ask another girl for directions.

I remembered back in 2019 I took a bootcamp from a PUA in Vegas. I approached quite a lot through that weekend but never felt like there was any lasting change.

I feel my ego has such a big grip over me. The chance that I might look stupid is like death to my ego and it takes over my body to prevent it. I gave TRE a real try before and it didn't work for me. The only plan now I have is progressive exposure, but even that seems like its stalling.
 

Beck Bass

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
43
The chance that I might look stupid is like death to my ego and it takes over my body to prevent it.
I know what you mean, I was decent at night game, but I always see girls during the day, and even when I'm almost approaching like in autopilot I end up stopping myself, thinking about how stupid I could look, or what if people wanna ban me from going there for approaching girls (which might happen in a extreme case, but for that I need to approach in the first place!)

I think that the only way to really get over this is just fucking approaching and seeing that my head won't fall over, or the bouncer from the mall won't punch me (hopefully lol). In your case, I think showing more intent and trying to close always should be your priority.
Chase and Hector both have great articles on getting over rejection (I'll link my favorite from each, Hector's one is more about not taking LIFE too seriously at all, and is one of my favorite reads).

Also I saw some videos from Tony D, the new author on daygame here, and attitude seems to be the most important part.
Like he's so positive it's contagious, there's no way you gonna be fearful if you're that positive.
But I get that is hard to get to that place, I'm going out myself this weekend and I swear I'm gonna approach some girls.

Best of luck bro!
 
Top