Hey dudes!
Sorry I did not give more details before. I did not know what to write. Since
@Blackheart can relate to my experience I am going to give a more in depth story because I do not know what is important from what is not. Some details are very personal, its the first time I will be sharing this with anyone...but the only way I am going to get help is to be vulnerable right now.
I am 25 years old right now. I lost my virginity when I was 18 to my 1st girlfriend right before I left high school and she broke things off after we had sex 3 times. She said the sex was horrible. From 18-19 years old I was unemployed. I was so broke I could not even afford to buy food. I come from a very poor family here in Trinidad.
Age 19 - I got a job working in a call center and I still working the job now at 25 years old. Job opportunities are very hard in my country so I earn like $3558 Trinidadian money. That is about $500 USD a month income to give some perspective which is poverty. For the rest of this post, I will refer to the USD to help reading my post easier.
I live with my parents, I have my own room but its small and I grew up in a family where bringing friends over was not allowed. Rents here are so high that if I were to move out into a basic apartment, I would end spending $300 USD minimum just to find a decent apartment. Which would leave me with $200 USD to buy food, pay bills e.t.c.
Money is so scare I could never afford to date girls. I have been trying cold approach from I was 20 years old and I had high hopes when I found Girls Chase. I would cold approach girls in the mall, at the beach, during carnival time, on the streets and girls would sometimes give me their number, I always asked for the date before getting the number. Most times the girls would reject me saying "I have a boyfriend", "I have to go somewhere" etc.
I come from a reserved background and my approach anxiety is very high. Many days and nights I go out to approach girls, I would just walk around the streets. My job working in a call center has been affecting my health. I usually forced on the job to try and talk with an American accent on the phones. I am given 100 calls to take in a 8 hour period for 5 day a week and now my voice is affected because I stutter a lot when I talk to women in my own Trini accent. And that just gets me more nervous.
Because of that I never get a lot of dates or phone numbers and I end up turning off girls on dates. A typical date is Ice cream at a shop, or KFC. And let me just mention that food is very expensive so I end up not being able to even afford simple dates like this most times.
In 2019 I did very little cold approach because I wanted to get my own apartment and my job does not pay enough for me to do that. I have such little sexual experience I dont even know how to pull girls for sex in public areas. This just discouraged me from even trying to date.
I go on a few dates the past 5 years and the girls just never seem to like the experience. And so I never got a 2nd date. This has left me terrified to talk to girls.
My money is very low
My logistics is bad
My confidence is low
My voice is weak
The only good things I have is girls think I am good looking. This is so embarassing to admit, girls from a distance would think I get laid. The moment they talk to me, their interest goes to zero.
It makes me question myself as a man. 5 years without sex? Am I even important, it just feels like no girl wants me. Its been a very rough 5 years, all I could do was masturbate whenever I felt lonely.
I wanted to work on my money because I think that would help elevate my status. To get my apartment and shit in order. I was looking online to find a better job or 2nd job to help pay the bills but that has not worked. I have been looking for more income opportunities since 2016, nothing has come through. I was planning on moving to the US to find opportunity. Out of the $500 USD I earn a month, I end up spending $400 on just basic living expenses. Here is my breakdown
$8 a day on cheap food
$4 a day on light, water, wifi, gas
$3 a day on public tranport for work and gym time
$2 for miscellaneous expenses
= $17 a day (my pay check ends there)
So I am basically broke. When I do go on dates, I have to sacrifice something from my expenses above to end up taking a girl out on a cheap ice cream date or a walk in the park. I avoid movie dates because those are expense and Girls Chase said to avoid those. But you can already see I am struggling from what I wrote above.
Its as if no girl wants to see me for 2nd dates. Some outright reject me. And that makes me more depressed. I have not felt the closeness of a woman for 5 years and I am nervous as hell around them.
Thats my story in a nutshell. I hope someone can show me the right direction.