FR NOT a good night out (nightclub bouncer attempts to intervene with pickup)

[JT Sunshine]

To answer your question, no, I do not believe that I am providing value to the girls.

Due to suffering from Asperger's syndrome, my approach is very binary.

Normally something like *shoulder tap* "hi, you look great, do you want to dance".

Since last weekend's incident with the shoulder tap, that opener has been taken away from me. Atleast for now in that specific easily accessible club.

As for my approach asking for numbers on the open, it seems to have attached the ire of the bouncer who wants to stop me, so I won't be doing that anymore.

But I do think the shoulder tap approach is more legitimate, but that could lead to an allegation of "physical assault" like it did last weekend with the 4 set.

Admittedly, I was offended by the friend's overreaction and did call her a fat bitch which didn't help. But still it was not justified to over react and order me away from her group like she did.

My goal is changeable depending on what stage I am in.

Stage 1. Approach anxiety buster

5-10 approaches, outcome doesn't matter. This is near the start of the night where I am feeling awkward and in my head. The club is almost empty and I am scared to approach girls when it is almost empty because the security can what I am doing more easily.

Stage 2. Meaningful approaches

Try to make calibrated approaches and introduce myself to the girl without any weird incidents. If the girl atleast gives a "boyfriend rejection" this is a good sign as it shows I am coming across right.

To answer your question, I will stay at it, but I am going to give it a break for now as I felt very wound up last weekend and could envisage myself slapping him which would have got me banned. I may Airbnb a different town in a few weeks time where I will be anonymous again.

But doing these "spam style" approaches is problematic because the bouncer can see the reactions from the girl are not positive and thus makes me stick out more if I keep getting blowouts. Which then makes him want to tell me to stop. And also tell me they are not interested after I have been blowout which is simply stating the obvious and thus likely to annoy me into retaliating if he keeps doing it and we don't want an escalation over something like that.

Edit: this bouncer is always on the 1st floor, which is usually the busiest. He is always posted there. The ground floor is a bit quieter but the hottest girls are usually on the 1st floor on most nights until the busier times when all 3 main floors are open.

I like that you’re breaking it down into stages. There is nothing wrong with doing what you need to do to get over that approach anxiety, or at least learn how to manage it. Then move on to trying a better, more calibrated approach. When I got back into this my first couple nights I literally went and said “hi” to girls, that was it. Then built upon that week by week until I was actually having good interactions… I think people refer to it as “progressive desensitization”. Start with something simple, then when that feels easy add one more thing to it.

Lots of great advice in this thread from some really experienced guys, I’d read it all, take what you like and try it out when you go out next. A change of scenery can often yield good results too, I wish it were logistically easier for you to switch your venue up but it is what it is.

 

[average_daygamer]

Hey everyone, I just want to thank all of you who have contributed major value to this thread and certainly left me feeling less wound up.

I'm going to stop replying individually now as this thread is getting a bit off topic and confusing, especially for people reading it in the future.

I am going to follow up the links posted and see study them for a bit. I might have to make more threads on specific areas such as "early nightgame" and "nightgame openers physical Vs verbal".

Thanks for all the help!

 

[barneystin]

from what i’m seeing, it doesn’t seem like you’ve learned how to approach in night game settings which, to be fair, is not the easiest thing to do.

body rocking (approaching a girl while you happen to walk by past her) is a good technique

you also want to approach from the front where she can visibly see you especially if you’re just starting out. i wouldn’t recommend tapping on the shoulder except you have master level calibration

if you’re in a really loud club (not my type of venue for this reason), you can try non verbal openings - making strong eye contact with your girl and beckoning her to come over (this one has to be mutual from the start), high fiving and transitioning into a spin (i’ve tried this a couple of times and it works sometimes) or just speaking louder and opening with a non-sexual compliment to get her warmed up.


i’d do more research on non-verbal openers if you go for really loud club dancing venues - i don’t and i honestly think they’re bad pickup venues. i’m more of a dive bar type of guy

as for the age thing, 35 is a perfectly fine age. i don’t know if night game is the place to spam approach - you want to switch venues at some point in the night if your goal is to spam approach to get over approach anxiety.

negative social proof is a real thing so you have to absolutely minimize the number of visible rejections you get.

finally, not sure if anyone has mentioned it but Alek (@Teevster) has a good night game/dancefloor series on GirlsChase that walks you through every single step from opening to hooking to dealing with friends and closing

Dance Floor Game Tips #1: Dance Game Foundations

This May I will be talking about dance floor game. There is one obvious reason for this – the summer is right around the corner, which means a lot of girls are going to head out to clubs. The sun makes us horny and if you go out clubbing in the summer (which you should) you will see a lot of...

www.girlschase.com

once you get more comfortable and start seeing some night game results (having decent conversations, maybe some make outs, maybe some flakey numbers) and you want to take your game to the next level, i’d look into 60 years of challenge. it’s a mini guide for night game and one of the most groundbreaking material i’ve seen on night game.

it’s a bit more “physical game” so you have to be calibrated

as someone who’s been doing night game consistently for about 8+ months now with a couple lays from it, it’s a real grind - day game is generally much easier (but less exciting) so don’t be discouraged. good luck!

 

[Chase]

@average_daygamer,

I think everyone else has it covered here already, but:

I was on the 1st floor dancefloor where last week's incident occured, but due to the incident last time I was somewhat hesitant to approach and so didn't really do much for the first hour.

So this was the same club where you took your phone out for a pissed off chick and got security involved the previous weekend.

No wonder security had their eye on you. They view you as a troublemaker.

That is security's job: to keep troublemakers on a short leash. Especially anyone who is aggravating the key clientele: good-looking girls.

(hot girls attract swarms of men, who spend money and keep the club in the black. No hot girls = no guys spending money = club goes out of business... thus, allowing uncalibrated men to aggravate hot girls and scare them off because they associate "weird approaches with XYZ nightclub -- let's not go there tonight" is one of the ways a club can swiftly end up going out of business)

I didn't do anything until I saw two stunning blondes come in around midnight.

I ignored them at first but they were too gorgeous not to try something on.

So I went with my phone out and asked both for their phone numbers to get the ball rolling.

They both refused, the interaction lasted less than 10 seconds. I was glad that I had broken the ice with the hottest girls in the club, though.

I realize you are on the autism spectrum, so probably have no conception of how this looks to the girls or to anyone else.

But from a social standpoint, it looks pretty bad.

Every single person who watched it with a smidgen of social awareness would have noticed:

1. Loner guy who wasn't talking to anyone for a long time,
2. Suddenly made a beeline for two stunning girls,
3. Did so with his phone out (looks super bad),
4. Promptly rejected / girls almost certainly visible disinterested

Good on you for approaching a couple of hot girls, but the lack of social awareness is creating problems for you:

However, the huge bouncer saw this and intervened. He told me off saying "they are not interested mate"

Yeah. My guess is this guy had his eye on you the whole time you were there.

It sounds like you did not leave after they rejected you, either. The bouncer is there to preserve the key clientele from a very uncomfortable approach -- he is simply doing his job.

When I questioned why he was interfering and that I said I was only asking if they wanted to swap numbers he quipped

"You are old enough to be their dad".

And these girls were far from the youngest looking girls in there. From a distance you couldn't really tell their ages they were quite tall.

He's trying to let you down gently. It's easier than trying to break down to you the many faux pas involved in your approach (and most likely the signals you were missing from the girls telling you to leave them alone).

Bouncer sounds like a cool dude. He could've been a lot more aggressive, given the situation.

I was annoyed by this and confronted the bouncer afterwards and he tried to deny that he did anything wrong.

What? And he didn't accuse you of anything or ask you to leave?

This bouncer is a saint.

Nightgame is the only place where one can see and approach these young hotties on a consistent basis. I see more hot girls on a night in the club than I do all week in daygame.

Generally, nightgame is full of hot 18-25 year old girls that you don't see out much during the day time and even when you do it is hard to judge their ages and run back in time to do the approach.

So if you want to approach that age range nightgame is the only reliable option.

You are interpreting his rationale for stopping you at face value.

His intervention had nothing to do with your age.

It had everything to do with the woefully miscalibrated approach you made + probably the expectations you'd already created given the previous week's incident.

It's left a sour taste in my mouth and made me wonder if there is any future in nightgame. Considering the horrible environment one has to brave in order to even be in with a shot.

You are creating these incidents yourself.

I know you don't understand how or why, and that the behavior of others seems mysterious and inscrutable to you.

There are a number of social norms you are repeatedly and egregiously violating.

Nightclubs require a more stringent understanding of social rules and norms than perhaps anywhere else.

You must be able to read subtext. You do not have that ability.

I strongly recommend you pursue other avenues for learning game.

I'm at my wit's end here folks, tried daygame, doesn't work, tried nightgame to get my volume up and hone my skillset and these assholes interfere.

You are triggering the "social immune response" I discussed with your behavior in clubs:

On the Autism Spectrum? ADHD? BPD? ⭐️ READ THIS FIRST! ⭐️

Over the years, we've had many men on the autism spectrum, with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or with borderline personality disorder (BPD) join the Skilled Seducer Forum. Some of these men have integrated well. Some are still productive members of the community today...

www.skilledseducer.com

People gang up against other people who are clearly in violation of basic social rules.

Again, nightclubs are particularly prone to this. With your current level of (low) social awareness, you should not be going to clubs.

There is no point in apps due to the age filter so you won't see the real hotties.

Honestly, I was spoiling for a confrontation and it completely put me off the rest of the night. I am worried incase I go there next weekend and retaliate against this guy if he tries this again.

The thing is, you get pasted a certain age and then you aren't allowed to be a man anymore.

So nightgame is just some weird torture where you go and see gyrating hot girls but can't get any of them or aren't even allowed to shoot your fucking shot.

This makes me want to shoot other kinds of shots at people interfering, I tell you...

It has nothing to do with your age and it has nothing to do with "being a man."

Trust me, that bouncer watches dozens of men make approaches all night long. I doubt he interferes more than once in a blue moon.

However, it is his job to protect the female clientele from men who will seriously aggravate them.

Unfortunately, due to your condition, you are causing a lot of aggravation in the women you approach in nightclubs. That means security is going to keep you on a short leash and will interfere if they catch even an iota of discomfort from the women you approach.

This bouncer seems like a pretty cool guy.

I've met a lot of bouncers who would probably be a lot less gracious than this guy was.

Heck, if I was you, and I went there again, I might try to get there early when it's empty still and the bouncer isn't busy and chat the guy up and just tell him straight up, "Hey man, you know, I've got Asperger's, and I miss a lot of these social cues. I'm trying to figure out the right way to chat up girls but I know I'm messing a lot of stuff up. Got any tips for how I can do it better?"

Then just follow his advice.

Don't bug him again when it's crowded/he's busy, but maybe the next time you go if it's early and he's unbusy again you can let him know how it went.

Who knows, maybe he'll take you under his wing...!

Chase