FR NOT a good night out (nightclub bouncer attempts to intervene with pickup)

[JT Sunshine]

To answer your question, no, I do not believe that I am providing value to the girls.

Due to suffering from Asperger's syndrome, my approach is very binary.

Normally something like *shoulder tap* "hi, you look great, do you want to dance".

Since last weekend's incident with the shoulder tap, that opener has been taken away from me. Atleast for now in that specific easily accessible club.

As for my approach asking for numbers on the open, it seems to have attached the ire of the bouncer who wants to stop me, so I won't be doing that anymore.

But I do think the shoulder tap approach is more legitimate, but that could lead to an allegation of "physical assault" like it did last weekend with the 4 set.

Admittedly, I was offended by the friend's overreaction and did call her a fat bitch which didn't help. But still it was not justified to over react and order me away from her group like she did.

My goal is changeable depending on what stage I am in.

Stage 1. Approach anxiety buster

5-10 approaches, outcome doesn't matter. This is near the start of the night where I am feeling awkward and in my head. The club is almost empty and I am scared to approach girls when it is almost empty because the security can what I am doing more easily.

Stage 2. Meaningful approaches

Try to make calibrated approaches and introduce myself to the girl without any weird incidents. If the girl atleast gives a "boyfriend rejection" this is a good sign as it shows I am coming across right.

To answer your question, I will stay at it, but I am going to give it a break for now as I felt very wound up last weekend and could envisage myself slapping him which would have got me banned. I may Airbnb a different town in a few weeks time where I will be anonymous again.

But doing these "spam style" approaches is problematic because the bouncer can see the reactions from the girl are not positive and thus makes me stick out more if I keep getting blowouts. Which then makes him want to tell me to stop. And also tell me they are not interested after I have been blowout which is simply stating the obvious and thus likely to annoy me into retaliating if he keeps doing it and we don't want an escalation over something like that.

Edit: this bouncer is always on the 1st floor, which is usually the busiest. He is always posted there. The ground floor is a bit quieter but the hottest girls are usually on the 1st floor on most nights until the busier times when all 3 main floors are open.

I like that you’re breaking it down into stages. There is nothing wrong with doing what you need to do to get over that approach anxiety, or at least learn how to manage it. Then move on to trying a better, more calibrated approach. When I got back into this my first couple nights I literally went and said “hi” to girls, that was it. Then built upon that week by week until I was actually having good interactions… I think people refer to it as “progressive desensitization”. Start with something simple, then when that feels easy add one more thing to it.

Lots of great advice in this thread from some really experienced guys, I’d read it all, take what you like and try it out when you go out next. A change of scenery can often yield good results too, I wish it were logistically easier for you to switch your venue up but it is what it is.

 

[average_daygamer]

Hey everyone, I just want to thank all of you who have contributed major value to this thread and certainly left me feeling less wound up.

I'm going to stop replying individually now as this thread is getting a bit off topic and confusing, especially for people reading it in the future.

I am going to follow up the links posted and see study them for a bit. I might have to make more threads on specific areas such as "early nightgame" and "nightgame openers physical Vs verbal".

Thanks for all the help!

 

[barneystin]

from what i’m seeing, it doesn’t seem like you’ve learned how to approach in night game settings which, to be fair, is not the easiest thing to do.

body rocking (approaching a girl while you happen to walk by past her) is a good technique

you also want to approach from the front where she can visibly see you especially if you’re just starting out. i wouldn’t recommend tapping on the shoulder except you have master level calibration

if you’re in a really loud club (not my type of venue for this reason), you can try non verbal openings - making strong eye contact with your girl and beckoning her to come over (this one has to be mutual from the start), high fiving and transitioning into a spin (i’ve tried this a couple of times and it works sometimes) or just speaking louder and opening with a non-sexual compliment to get her warmed up.


i’d do more research on non-verbal openers if you go for really loud club dancing venues - i don’t and i honestly think they’re bad pickup venues. i’m more of a dive bar type of guy

as for the age thing, 35 is a perfectly fine age. i don’t know if night game is the place to spam approach - you want to switch venues at some point in the night if your goal is to spam approach to get over approach anxiety.

negative social proof is a real thing so you have to absolutely minimize the number of visible rejections you get.

finally, not sure if anyone has mentioned it but Alek (@Teevster) has a good night game/dancefloor series on GirlsChase that walks you through every single step from opening to hooking to dealing with friends and closing

Dance Floor Game Tips #1: Dance Game Foundations

This May I will be talking about dance floor game. There is one obvious reason for this – the summer is right around the corner, which means a lot of girls are going to head out to clubs. The sun makes us horny and if you go out clubbing in the summer (which you should) you will see a lot of...

www.girlschase.com

once you get more comfortable and start seeing some night game results (having decent conversations, maybe some make outs, maybe some flakey numbers) and you want to take your game to the next level, i’d look into 60 years of challenge. it’s a mini guide for night game and one of the most groundbreaking material i’ve seen on night game.

it’s a bit more “physical game” so you have to be calibrated

as someone who’s been doing night game consistently for about 8+ months now with a couple lays from it, it’s a real grind - day game is generally much easier (but less exciting) so don’t be discouraged. good luck!

 

[Chase]

@average_daygamer,

I think everyone else has it covered here already, but:

I was on the 1st floor dancefloor where last week's incident occured, but due to the incident last time I was somewhat hesitant to approach and so didn't really do much for the first hour.

So this was the same club where you took your phone out for a pissed off chick and got security involved the previous weekend.

No wonder security had their eye on you. They view you as a troublemaker.

That is security's job: to keep troublemakers on a short leash. Especially anyone who is aggravating the key clientele: good-looking girls.

(hot girls attract swarms of men, who spend money and keep the club in the black. No hot girls = no guys spending money = club goes out of business... thus, allowing uncalibrated men to aggravate hot girls and scare them off because they associate "weird approaches with XYZ nightclub -- let's not go there tonight" is one of the ways a club can swiftly end up going out of business)

I didn't do anything until I saw two stunning blondes come in around midnight.

I ignored them at first but they were too gorgeous not to try something on.

So I went with my phone out and asked both for their phone numbers to get the ball rolling.

They both refused, the interaction lasted less than 10 seconds. I was glad that I had broken the ice with the hottest girls in the club, though.

I realize you are on the autism spectrum, so probably have no conception of how this looks to the girls or to anyone else.

But from a social standpoint, it looks pretty bad.

Every single person who watched it with a smidgen of social awareness would have noticed:

1. Loner guy who wasn't talking to anyone for a long time,
2. Suddenly made a beeline for two stunning girls,
3. Did so with his phone out (looks super bad),
4. Promptly rejected / girls almost certainly visible disinterested

Good on you for approaching a couple of hot girls, but the lack of social awareness is creating problems for you:

However, the huge bouncer saw this and intervened. He told me off saying "they are not interested mate"

Yeah. My guess is this guy had his eye on you the whole time you were there.

It sounds like you did not leave after they rejected you, either. The bouncer is there to preserve the key clientele from a very uncomfortable approach -- he is simply doing his job.

When I questioned why he was interfering and that I said I was only asking if they wanted to swap numbers he quipped

"You are old enough to be their dad".

And these girls were far from the youngest looking girls in there. From a distance you couldn't really tell their ages they were quite tall.

He's trying to let you down gently. It's easier than trying to break down to you the many faux pas involved in your approach (and most likely the signals you were missing from the girls telling you to leave them alone).

Bouncer sounds like a cool dude. He could've been a lot more aggressive, given the situation.

I was annoyed by this and confronted the bouncer afterwards and he tried to deny that he did anything wrong.

What? And he didn't accuse you of anything or ask you to leave?

This bouncer is a saint.

Nightgame is the only place where one can see and approach these young hotties on a consistent basis. I see more hot girls on a night in the club than I do all week in daygame.

Generally, nightgame is full of hot 18-25 year old girls that you don't see out much during the day time and even when you do it is hard to judge their ages and run back in time to do the approach.

So if you want to approach that age range nightgame is the only reliable option.

You are interpreting his rationale for stopping you at face value.

His intervention had nothing to do with your age.

It had everything to do with the woefully miscalibrated approach you made + probably the expectations you'd already created given the previous week's incident.

It's left a sour taste in my mouth and made me wonder if there is any future in nightgame. Considering the horrible environment one has to brave in order to even be in with a shot.

You are creating these incidents yourself.

I know you don't understand how or why, and that the behavior of others seems mysterious and inscrutable to you.

There are a number of social norms you are repeatedly and egregiously violating.

Nightclubs require a more stringent understanding of social rules and norms than perhaps anywhere else.

You must be able to read subtext. You do not have that ability.

I strongly recommend you pursue other avenues for learning game.

I'm at my wit's end here folks, tried daygame, doesn't work, tried nightgame to get my volume up and hone my skillset and these assholes interfere.

You are triggering the "social immune response" I discussed with your behavior in clubs:

On the Autism Spectrum? ADHD? BPD? ⭐️ READ THIS FIRST! ⭐️

Over the years, we've had many men on the autism spectrum, with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or with borderline personality disorder (BPD) join the Skilled Seducer Forum. Some of these men have integrated well. Some are still productive members of the community today...

www.skilledseducer.com

People gang up against other people who are clearly in violation of basic social rules.

Again, nightclubs are particularly prone to this. With your current level of (low) social awareness, you should not be going to clubs.

There is no point in apps due to the age filter so you won't see the real hotties.

Honestly, I was spoiling for a confrontation and it completely put me off the rest of the night. I am worried incase I go there next weekend and retaliate against this guy if he tries this again.

The thing is, you get pasted a certain age and then you aren't allowed to be a man anymore.

So nightgame is just some weird torture where you go and see gyrating hot girls but can't get any of them or aren't even allowed to shoot your fucking shot.

This makes me want to shoot other kinds of shots at people interfering, I tell you...

It has nothing to do with your age and it has nothing to do with "being a man."

Trust me, that bouncer watches dozens of men make approaches all night long. I doubt he interferes more than once in a blue moon.

However, it is his job to protect the female clientele from men who will seriously aggravate them.

Unfortunately, due to your condition, you are causing a lot of aggravation in the women you approach in nightclubs. That means security is going to keep you on a short leash and will interfere if they catch even an iota of discomfort from the women you approach.

This bouncer seems like a pretty cool guy.

I've met a lot of bouncers who would probably be a lot less gracious than this guy was.

Heck, if I was you, and I went there again, I might try to get there early when it's empty still and the bouncer isn't busy and chat the guy up and just tell him straight up, "Hey man, you know, I've got Asperger's, and I miss a lot of these social cues. I'm trying to figure out the right way to chat up girls but I know I'm messing a lot of stuff up. Got any tips for how I can do it better?"

Then just follow his advice.

Don't bug him again when it's crowded/he's busy, but maybe the next time you go if it's early and he's unbusy again you can let him know how it went.

Who knows, maybe he'll take you under his wing...!

Chase

 

[average_daygamer]

I did say I am not going to update this thread as I don't like the replies, but an unexpected encounter with the meat head bouncer occurred in my small day game city.

I must stress, this was NOT the town where the club is. It is actually a slightly bigger town classed as a city some 15 miles away and is where I go for day game and occasionally early nightgame as the trains and nd buses finish around 11pm. Which is why I was going to club game in the other town.

I have multi gym access so I decided to go to the gym before a day game session on the bank holiday Monday.

This was a completely chance encounter and I didn't expect to encounter him in the locker room.

I was going to my locker at the end of ky workout to get a drink, whilst he is talking to his friend, then I distinctly hear something like "44 year old, 20 year olds, talking...paedophile, nonce (a general slang term for pervert), club full of 18-24 year olds, what do you expect" etc. You know when you can't hear the whole thing but can pick out key words and get the gist of it. Like that.

Then as I catch a look at the guy, I am astonished to see it is the bouncer from the nightclub in my nightgame town! Here at the gym in my day game city!

He goes to the shower then I think "I should just let it slide", but this isn't in passing, it is in the same locker room!

So I patiently wait in the gym for my chance to confront him once he comes out of the shower. I feel like I am waiting to do an approach, lol.

I check back in there and he's not out of the shower yet, then I check back in and he is just in the process of drying himself out.

So I go in with "you are the security guard from such and such a club aren't you" he says "yes, were you waiting for me to come out the shower then, heh"

Then I tell him that I don't appreciate being spoken about like that when I am in the same room as him"

So he tries to claim it was about someone else that occurred last night but this was a Monday and that club is not open on Sunday evenings so I don't believe him". I tell him I am just being upfront and there was no need to start it when I was in there".

He says "Bruv, can't you see, I am at the gym"

And then I say some like "yes well I am not taking that disrespect, why couldnt you juse leave it" then I walk out of the changing rooms and he mutters "prick".

Even if he was talking about someone else, it shows he interferes in approaches on a regular basis. He tried to weasel out of it, but I was wearing the same t shirt and shorts that I was wearing that night. He must have recognised me.

I don't think we will get to the bottom of it as there is no point in me going back to that club after this confrontation as he will be watching me like a hawk. And what is the point of the club if you can't approach.

I wish I could be 25 again, damn. It seems that there has been a huge clamp down on older guys trying to get laid with younger, prettier girls in the last 10 years, just in time to stop me from catching up.

 

[StrayDog]

I did say I am not going to update this thread as I don't like the replies, but an unexpected encounter with the meat head bouncer occurred in my small day game city.

I must stress, this was NOT the town where the club is. It is actually a slightly bigger town classed as a city some 15 miles away and is where I go for day game and occasionally early nightgame as the trains and nd buses finish around 11pm. Which is why I was going to club game in the other town.

I have multi gym access so I decided to go to the gym before a day game session on the bank holiday Monday.

This was a completely chance encounter and I didn't expect to encounter him in the locker room.

I was going to my locker at the end of ky workout to get a drink, whilst he is talking to his friend, then I distinctly hear something like "44 year old, 20 year olds, talking...paedophile, nonce (a general slang term for pervert), club full of 18-24 year olds, what do you expect" etc. You know when you can't hear the whole thing but can pick out key words and get the gist of it. Like that.

Then as I catch a look at the guy, I am astonished to see it is the bouncer from the nightclub in my nightgame town! Here at the gym in my day game city!

He goes to the shower then I think "I should just let it slide", but this isn't in passing, it is in the same locker room!

So I patiently wait in the gym for my chance to confront him once he comes out of the shower. I feel like I am waiting to do an approach, lol.

I check back in there and he's not out of the shower yet, then I check back in and he is just in the process of drying himself out.

So I go in with "you are the security guard from such and such a club aren't you" he says "yes, were you waiting for me to come out the shower then, heh"

Then I tell him that I don't appreciate being spoken about like that when I am in the same room as him"

So he tries to claim it was about someone else that occurred last night but this was a Monday and that club is not open on Sunday evenings so I don't believe him". I tell him I am just being upfront and there was no need to start it when I was in there".

He says "Bruv, can't you see, I am at the gym"

And then I say some like "yes well I am not taking that disrespect, why couldnt you juse leave it" then I walk out of the changing rooms and he mutters "prick".

Even if he was talking about someone else, it shows he interferes in approaches on a regular basis. He tried to weasel out of it, but I was wearing the same t shirt and shorts that I was wearing that night. He must have recognised me.

I don't think we will get to the bottom of it as there is no point in me going back to that club after this confrontation as he will be watching me like a hawk. And what is the point of the club if you can't approach.

I wish I could be 25 again, damn. It seems that there has been a huge clamp down on older guys trying to get laid with younger, prettier girls in the last 10 years, just in time to stop me from catching up.

way to dig that hole deeper. what exactly was the purpose of confronting him?

 

[Wassupmypeepz]

way to dig that hole deeper. what exactly was the purpose of confronting him?

I mean...assuming he doesn't care to ever step into that bouncer's establishment again I absolutely understand the desire to confront someone falsely maligning you as a pedophile to other people. Is that seriously a question?

 

[StrayDog]

I mean...assuming he doesn't care to ever step into that bouncer's establishment again I absolutely understand the desire to confront someone falsely maligning you as a pedophile to other people. Is that seriously a question?

dude people are gonna say whatever they say. what exactly would a confrontation like this accomplish other than further the association of all this stuff with you. You are literally deepening the association, over some idle chit chat that some random bouncer be saying at a gym. Which by the way is entirely baseless (at least the accusations of pedophilia). You think this is going to make that bouncer stop talking about him, or even re evaluate his character in a more generous light? Is he now suddenly going to say "you know what I was wrong about you, please come hit on younger women at my venue." or even "you're right mate I was wrong, your not a creep, thanks for ruining my work out so we could set the record straight "

All he is doing is solidifying it in this bouncers mind that he is totally lacking in social skills, which makes it even harder to save face at a venue where he is already on bad terms.

I get not wanting someone to malign your name. But this is not the way to address it.

Besides the whole "pedo" thing was just his exaggerated way of saying that the OP was creeping out younger (of age) women at the venue. It's not like he was saying false things about him hanging around highschools or something. What should they argue about semantics "how dare you call me a pedo, those women I creeped out were at least 18"

"you're right mate, from here on I'll tell people you only creep out women of a legal age. my bad"


The best way to fight people's gossip about this sort of thing is to be a chill dude who is seen having positive interactions with women, and has a reputation of being safe and an overall net positive to have around, despite your quirks. Like what's one bouncer going to do if say, the owner really likes having you around, and same with the clientele in general.

I believe the old saying goes some things like "chose your battles"

 

[StrayDog]

plus he had no way of knowing for certain that the guy was even talking about him. imagine if your ears perked up every time someone was talking about someone who they considered a creep "I heard y'all talking about a creep over here. and I waited 15 minutes outside the locker room to tell you you'd better not be talking about me"

 

[Skills]

I did say I am not going to update this thread as I don't like the replies, but an unexpected encounter with the meat head bouncer occurred in my small day game city.

I must stress, this was NOT the town where the club is. It is actually a slightly bigger town classed as a city some 15 miles away and is where I go for day game and occasionally early nightgame as the trains and nd buses finish around 11pm. Which is why I was going to club game in the other town.

I have multi gym access so I decided to go to the gym before a day game session on the bank holiday Monday.

This was a completely chance encounter and I didn't expect to encounter him in the locker room.

I was going to my locker at the end of ky workout to get a drink, whilst he is talking to his friend, then I distinctly hear something like "44 year old, 20 year olds, talking...paedophile, nonce (a general slang term for pervert), club full of 18-24 year olds, what do you expect" etc. You know when you can't hear the whole thing but can pick out key words and get the gist of it. Like that.

Then as I catch a look at the guy, I am astonished to see it is the bouncer from the nightclub in my nightgame town! Here at the gym in my day game city!

He goes to the shower then I think "I should just let it slide", but this isn't in passing, it is in the same locker room!

So I patiently wait in the gym for my chance to confront him once he comes out of the shower. I feel like I am waiting to do an approach, lol.

I check back in there and he's not out of the shower yet, then I check back in and he is just in the process of drying himself out.

So I go in with "you are the security guard from such and such a club aren't you" he says "yes, were you waiting for me to come out the shower then, heh"

Then I tell him that I don't appreciate being spoken about like that when I am in the same room as him"

So he tries to claim it was about someone else that occurred last night but this was a Monday and that club is not open on Sunday evenings so I don't believe him". I tell him I am just being upfront and there was no need to start it when I was in there".

He says "Bruv, can't you see, I am at the gym"

And then I say some like "yes well I am not taking that disrespect, why couldnt you juse leave it" then I walk out of the changing rooms and he mutters "prick".

Even if he was talking about someone else, it shows he interferes in approaches on a regular basis. He tried to weasel out of it, but I was wearing the same t shirt and shorts that I was wearing that night. He must have recognised me.

I don't think we will get to the bottom of it as there is no point in me going back to that club after this confrontation as he will be watching me like a hawk. And what is the point of the club if you can't approach.

I wish I could be 25 again, damn. It seems that there has been a huge clamp down on older guys trying to get laid with younger, prettier girls in the last 10 years, just in time to stop me from catching up.

just curious and i should know better to ask, where you ready to physically fight if it got to that point?????

Brother some times i don't know if you are real, or trolling or just autistic???

What was to gain out of all this for god sake???

and how did that affect your outing i bet your mood was now shit!

 

[Wassupmypeepz]

dude people are gonna say whatever they say. what exactly would a confrontation like this accomplish other than further the association of all this stuff with you. You are literally deepening the association, over some idle chit chat that some random bouncer be saying at a gym. Which by the way is entirely baseless (at least the accusations of pedophilia). You think this is going to make that bouncer stop talking about him, or even re evaluate his character in a more generous light? Is he now suddenly going to say "you know what I was wrong about you, please come hit on younger women at my venue." or even "you're right mate I was wrong, your not a creep, thanks for ruining my work out so we could set the record straight "

All he is doing is solidifying it in this bouncers mind that he is totally lacking in social skills, which makes it even harder to save face at a venue where he is already on bad terms.

I get not wanting someone to malign your name. But this is not the way to address it.

Besides the whole "pedo" thing was just his exaggerated way of saying that the OP was creeping out younger (of age) women at the venue. It's not like he was saying false things about him hanging around highschools or something. What should they argue about semantics "how dare you call me a pedo, those women I creeped out were at least 18"

"you're right mate, from here on I'll tell people you only creep out women of a legal age. my bad"


The best way to fight people's gossip about this sort of thing is to be a chill dude who is seen having positive interactions with women, and has a reputation of being safe and an overall net positive to have around, despite your quirks. Like what's one bouncer going to do if say, the owner really likes having you around, and same with the clientele in general.

I believe the old saying goes some things like "chose your battles"

Again I don’t think OP cared about how the bouncer perceived him. He wanted to confront someone talking shit about him. There’s no way the bouncer will perceive him differently at this point unless he completely reinvents himself (at the very least a few years’ long process) or someone the bouncer respects were to vouch for him and his actions reflected that if a cool guy (not happening).
So yes the bouncer still sees him as a creep but I’m willing to bet on some level he DOES respect him for having the balls to step to him about the issue.
But more importantly OP felt he needed to do it for himself and I completely UNDERSTAND it—though I don’t necessarily endorse it.
He did choose his battles and he felt this one was worth it. Especially if he is okay not going to that bouncer’s place again.

 

[Wassupmypeepz]

plus he had no way of knowing for certain that the guy was even talking about him. imagine if your ears perked up every time someone was talking about someone who they considered a creep "I heard y'all talking about a creep over here. and I waited 15 minutes outside the locker room to tell you you'd better not be talking about me"

Is the bouncer a total stranger that OP didn’t know? Or is he someone that’s had a problem with OP? Answer those and that argument completely falls flat.
By the way NONE of this takes responsibility away from OP to become someone people wouldn’t dare say this about. That is still number one priority.

 

[Wassupmypeepz]

plus he had no way of knowing for certain that the guy was even talking about him. imagine if your ears perked up every time someone was talking about someone who they considered a creep "I heard y'all talking about a creep over here. and I waited 15 minutes outside the locker room to tell you you'd better not be talking about me"

also by the way the bouncer acted when OP talked to him it was very clear he was talking about him. let’s be honest here

 

[StrayDog]

personally I'd only really be concerned with what some bouncer thinks of me in as much as it effects my ability to game at the club where he works.


if he wants to to gossip with his gym buddy I am not sure how that really affects my life in any practical sense.

now if he's going around smearing my name to everybody and their mother that's a totally different story

but I am failing to see how this sort of confrontation of beneficial in the big picture. And I am not sure it exactly garners respect any more so than say what @Chase put forth about showing some self awareness with the bouncer.

if it solves something personal or even social for OP more power to him.

Granted it doesn't lead to some escalating degree of conflict before truly being resolved. As often these sort of confrontations lead to.

Suppose it's just a matter of personal perspective and what one is ultimately aiming to accomplish.

and of course, there are many ways to skin a cat, as they say

 

[Chase]

So I go in with "you are the security guard from such and such a club aren't you" he says "yes, were you waiting for me to come out the shower then, heh"

Then I tell him that I don't appreciate being spoken about like that when I am in the same room as him"

So he tries to claim it was about someone else that occurred last night but this was a Monday and that club is not open on Sunday evenings so I don't believe him". I tell him I am just being upfront and there was no need to start it when I was in there".

He says "Bruv, can't you see, I am at the gym"

And then I say some like "yes well I am not taking that disrespect, why couldnt you juse leave it" then I walk out of the changing rooms and he mutters "prick".

The more I hear about this bouncer the more chill he sounds.

He multiple times tries to humorously defuse @average_daygamer's awkward locker room confrontation.

I've known steroid-rage-fueled bouncers who basically look for a chance to pick a fight anytime they can. This guy OTOH always tries to deescalate and let @average_daygamer down easy.

plus he had no way of knowing for certain that the guy was even talking about him. imagine if your ears perked up every time someone was talking about someone who they considered a creep "I heard y'all talking about a creep over here. and I waited 15 minutes outside the locker room to tell you you'd better not be talking about me"

The bouncer was 100% guaranteed not talking about him.

@average_daygamer's incident occurred two months ago.

Clubs always have various dudes coming in making awkward approaches. There is no way this club is so boring that the bouncer is still talking about some guy in a forgettable incident (from his perspective) from a couple months back. The bouncer's visceral negative reaction to whomever he is talking about vs. his chill handling of @average_daygamer (both when his incident occurred two months ago and in the locker room just now) also strongly suggest the bouncer was referring to a different dude.

The big challenge for autistic men is the mind blindness problem. When you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes, it's easy to fall victim to a bunch of outlandish assumptions ("Everyone must still be thinking and talking about me, months later").

It's basically ultra-self-focus with an inability to fully conceptualize people as other people outside of themselves.

Leads to them (if they are not very careful) taking everything very personally and thinking that other people think about them much more / have much stronger opinions on them than they actually do.

Chase

 

[StrayDog]

also by the way the bouncer acted when OP talked to him it was very clear he was talking about him. let’s be honest here

my point. isn't it the bouncer was indeed talking shit or not. my point is that it isn't the best frame to come from . getting yourself worked up about something that the other party can easily dismiss with plausible deniability. and waiting around for an extended period outside of the showers just highlights to the other party how invested you are in making a point. law of least effort it is not

 

[StrayDog]

Clubs always have various dudes coming in making awkward approaches. There is no way this club is so boring that the bouncer is still talking about some guy in a forgettable incident (from his perspective) from a couple months back.

right, as big as the event may have felt to OP it was probably fairly unremarkable in the life of a bouncer who sees that sort of thing every weekend. Most minor incidents like this are quickly forgotten. Club staff don't have to bandwidth of remembering every single person that has minor drama one weekend or another. Even if you're a semi regular, unless you consistently stand out to them in a positive/negative way your face just gets lost in the crowd. Only way they will flag you as a problem to be watched is if you keep showing up with some wacked energy and harshing the vibes.

The fact that OP chose to associate himself with whatever stray words he gleamed from the bouncers conversation shows how mentally invested he was in the whole incident in the first place.

Which I get, it bums to make a faux pas and be confronted on it, and have people witness it and such. but the route to improvement is self awareness reflection, and a bit of humility. Not creating more confrontation and doubling down on the perception of you being a social liability.

If the bouncer indeed was not talking about him, you can bet he will remember OP now next time he shows up at the club.

 

[KnownUniverse]

15 years ago when i started going clubbing people were constantly fighting and getting into trouble in venues. I can say in the last couple of years i've only seen that happen once or twice. Society - at least in my country - has become way more modest and domesticated. America still looks a bit wild judging but the videos i've seen which is why i see it as a preferable nation to game in.

 

[Skills]

15 years ago when i started going clubbing people were constantly fighting and getting into trouble in venues. I can say in the last couple of years i've only seen that happen once or twice. Society, at least in my country, has become way more modest and domesticated. America still looks a bit wild judging but the videos i've seen which is why i see it as a preferable nation to game in.

Yes fights are wayyyyy doen gen z is more of an invisible chill social circle as long as you are not really weird or creepy... I am taking in general and compare to past... There was also ganster music and gangs more prevelant is More chill..

 

[Skills]

Again I don’t think OP cared about how the bouncer perceived him. He wanted to confront someone talking shit about him. There’s no way the bouncer will perceive him differently at this point unless he completely reinvents himself (at the very least a few years’ long process) or someone the bouncer respects were to vouch for him and his actions reflected that if a cool guy (not happening).
So yes the bouncer still sees him as a creep but I’m willing to bet on some level he DOES respect him for having the balls to step to him about the issue.
But more importantly OP felt he needed to do it for himself and I completely UNDERSTAND it—though I don’t necessarily endorse it.
He did choose his battles and he felt this one was worth it. Especially if he is okay not going to that bouncer’s place again.

Brah