I build trust with touch and go.
If I grab her hand to get her through a crowd, I let her hand go as soon as we get through the crowd. If I physically isolate the 2 of us, I make sure to get us out of that isolation asap. If say something arousing, I give her room to breathe by changing the subject.
That said,
More importantly, the attainability question is 2 parts -
1) Did I qualify her? It doesn't take long for a girl that's
beneath you to
feel above you.
2) Empowerment - Have I set her up as some sort of expert/master of her field...
So this is basically asking her a question, where you give her a chance to shine and impress you with something other than her looks.
So if we're at dinner, and she says she's into make up, or shopping, or celeb trivia - I ask a question about one of those topics, and give her a chance to flex, to impress me. And rather than cut her down and not be impressed, I instead get impressed at her breadth and depth of knowledge on Love Island or why Hailey Bieber's new make up line will be better than Kylie Jenner's.
Chicks are always pumping state and looking for a way to pump state.
Give her the opportunity.
All that said, this idea of "low" attainability - You're putting YOUR idea in her head, and ascribing her actions to this mental model you have. She may or may not be behaving a certain way around you because low/high attainability...or she might just have something else going on.
Don't get me wrong, it's a good mental model.
But it's a model with limitations.
It requires you to get into her head (which you can't do) and then you ascribe her actions/reactions based on this framework.
You can stick with the framework, because it helps you to explain the world, OR you can adopt a different framework to help you get the girl.
I no longer purposefully deep dive before the bang, or after the bang.
Before the bang, it would put me into best friend/great listener category, because I couldn't do it right. (I have gotten better at it)
Post bang, it would be put me out of lover/f-buddy category and into soulmate material (higher than boyfriend material, imo). In the early stages, I want a girl that wants to hook up, not have my children.
Now I just let any deep diving happen naturally, if at all.
And with the deep dive, in my experience, a few things happen.
- You get info and intel
- She gets to some sort of understanding of herself by vocalizing things that she thinks/feels
- but also, she might change her behavior based on how easy you can get her to talk.
- She might clam up
- She might trauma dump/trauma bond
And
For me, knowing too much about a girl, can cause ME to care too much about her.
For instance, one of my exes used to get bullied in school. Good girl game gets the guy to want to protect her, protect her from everything. Once a guy feels that a chick needs to be protected, some of his critical faculties go out the window.
As it would turn out, I could see why she was bullied - she was out of step with most groups - she couldn't really read a room.
Enough about me...
In a date situation, there's already some level of attraction (say 2 out of 10). If the date was procured offline, the attraction is greater than an online originated date. (so 2 out of 10, vs 1.5 out of 10)
If there's some level of attraction, my assumption (which I can be wrong about) is that it will naturally grow. That belief can be self-fulfilling.
And lemme be clear about my premise/my overall beliefs - If she's on a date, she's somewhat attracted/okay with the guy's visuals. (his fundamentals). She's not gonna be seen in public with a guy that she doesn't want to be seen in public with.
The attraction that I care about,
is how much does she want to interact.
How many times does she poke my buttons to get some emotional stimulation. Cause to an extent the date is about her getting good feelings and good vibes. And I need those feelings on her part to lead to the sex.
To me, visually she is sexy. But I've found that girls want to FEEL sexy, in order to have sex. But me saying she's sexy/beautiful/"cleans up nice" isn't really *the* thing that makes HER feel sexy. That makes me feel like a big man for stating the obvious. Indeed, withholding compliments, or intermittently dropping stuff like that can actually affect the girl more than saying stuff blatantly. (but my preferred subtlety is just one path, bold and brash and take her by storm is another path - both equally valid and effective)
And attraction will grow, trust will grow with more time and more back and forth.
I can think in terms of micro-escalation and flirting, as the next moves to make in the timeline, but I'm inclined to
do
- A lot more Holding eye contact
- Pausing my speech, pregnant pauses
- Changing my facial expression
- Changing my body position
- Make her realizing that I'm thinking about what she said (which makes her uncomfortable, sometimes - but it's sort of a power grab/frame grab - why should she truly care about what I think about what she said/her beliefs)
Getting her to feel is the "game", and I would characterize these "moves" as micro-flirtations and escalations.
You might see them as "nano" flirtations...but for me at least the sex is a foregone conclusion.
All of these things basically start to tip the scales.
In a sense, the date is THE SEX. It's foreplay. In Public, with clothes on.
In terms of flirtation
- Start the interaction man to woman.
- A hand over hand/two hand - handshake
- twirl around, lemme see you
- hug or
- But the actual verbal, non-verbal, tactile/kinesthetic/logistic esclations are subtle to less subtle over time.
....
Overall, the moves you make with a particular girls are really just extensions of how YOU think the world works, how you think GIRLS respond.
In my view, a player needs a coherent view of the world.
I think girls LOVE sex. Even the shy ones. Even the virgins. Especially the Feminists.
I think girls like both a slow build up, but also all guns blazing.
I think that girls don't usually want to be the initiators.
A lot of girls think of sex that is something done to them - they're victims, but willing victims.
I think that girls will like sex more, if they think it's something that they do.
None of this really matters to the girl, but what having a "view of the world" is make my actions consistent for me.
And me being consistent is important FOR ME.
Cause these chicks will bang anything.
