Not getting initial attraction

cruiser

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
99
Hey yall

so I’m approaching, and in the past 3 weeks I just haven’t been able to get a girl to stick around for more than maybe 5 minutes or to at least vibe. I also feel like I’m not creating that initial attraction, is that normal or does that come later?

I’ll approach, theyll say hi back, I’ll be flirty and ask them questions and they’ll respond, they won’t ask it back, or they’ll look at their friend and start laughing like what the heck who is this guy or they will dismiss themselves. But then it dies down and they’re just not about it anymore. It’s kind of an ego killer.

my fashion is solid, body language pretty good, I’m getting pretty close to them face to face, approach is fun and playful, I’m also on that no fap.
 

BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Jan 12, 2020
Messages
246
I think your game is a little bit too mechanical and feels pushy to the girls .

try to approach them directly like “ saw you and liked your vibe and wanted to say hi “ then 2-3 questions , sentences whatever then push for “let”s meet over a coffee or a walk some time“ as you have other things to attend to and get the phone digits . Should be less than 2-3 minutes the whole thing .

This approach is more natural than you appearing from nowhere and deep diving or whatsoever :)

and this is day game
 

Tony D

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Jul 26, 2018
Messages
185
Are you talking about bars, clubs, coffee shops, street?
 

cruiser

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
99
I think your game is a little bit too mechanical and feels pushy to the girls .

try to approach them directly like “ saw you and liked your vibe and wanted to say hi “ then 2-3 questions , sentences whatever then push for “let”s meet over a coffee or a walk some time“ as you have other things to attend to and get the phone digits . Should be less than 2-3 minutes the whole thing .

This approach is more natural than you appearing from nowhere and deep diving or whatsoever :)

and this is day game
I see what you’re saying, when I used to approach like this I ran into the problem of being too attainable and easy. So I’ve stopped complimenting them unless there’s some chemistry but rarely now because it doesn’t work for me as well.

maybe I need to talk deeper. At a bar/club I find it hard to do that.

On dates tho I absolutely kill it. Why can’t I transfer over what I do on dates in bars haha. Like on dates their attention is always on me and there’s no outside factors.
 

BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Jan 12, 2020
Messages
246
What I was saying is applied mainly for day game as from how you opened the thread thought this was the case .

it is not relevant what I said for bars and clubs and I rarely approach in this environment so I am not really the person to give his 2 cents .
 

cruiser

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
99
What I was saying is applied mainly for day game as from how you opened the thread thought this was the case .

it is not relevant what I said for bars and clubs and I rarely approach in this environment so I am not really the person to give his 2 cents .
Appreciate it! I think it’s the fact that I can’t use a sexy voice in a club as easily, so I’m like yelling a little bit. So it’s the venue maybe
 

Glow

Tribal Elder
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Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
96
hey :)

Appreciate it! I think it’s the fact that I can’t use a sexy voice in a club as easily, so I’m like yelling a little bit. So it’s the venue maybe
always look for venues areas that support verbals if you wanna use verbal techniques - some areas of clubs support this. some clubs suck for it.
that said you can use it some places though. move closer to her and have her move closer. But most verbal guys prefer smoking sections or areas that has less chaos and support verbals. bars tend to provide more good verbal areas.

I’ll approach, theyll say hi back, I’ll be flirty and ask them questions and they’ll respond, they won’t ask it back, or they’ll look at their friend and start laughing like what the heck who is this guy or they will dismiss themselves. But then it dies down and they’re just not about it anymore. It’s kind of an ego killer.
I would suggest to write out what you say and what is happening in here - makes it easier to dissect and give feedback. Also provides YOU better reflections on things.

It sounds to me like the girls reactions that youre doing something thats off. fix that. Hard to see what it is from the little you provide and there are often many layers to why you get reactions. Figure it out. Seek people who can give you feedback.

The biggest problem most guys have in bars etc. is shitty lock-ins. Fix that and youll up things a lot.

if youre not hooking its because your not appropriately spitting game - aka shoot arrays of tech more. Once you get a sense of things you can lay back more. But spitting game as we coined it in the old times is key in beginnings. being grounded while doing so increases harmony big time. Work on your flow here, make it slower and more confident, be less intrusive.

I could be wrong but i get the sense that youre not really using game atm but just opening and flirting in whatever you think it is. asking questions. So apply techs more. Do the work. Understand the reactions. Get feedback from peers on the stuff you can see yourself. maybe work w a few routine like roll ins to adjust it step by step until you get better responses. just to learn techs.

Eg roll in - comment on their looks or appearance, hold the tension in it, then minicold read them. Mini cold reads is one example of what we call chick crack. then lock-in in the bar w, one or both of them repositioning yourself within the set well. Opening is a flow of movement and stimuli. I used to like to open low key, over the shoulder type and respond to her response using that as the lift in energy that ignited her. So the opener itself just opened. Today i open her way before i speak w sexual tension, by mingling in or vibes. But those two models i provided are field-tested by several of us and effective.

The above is just the first layer im describing btw. which is like the basics of game. You can go many layers down - eg adjusting your appearance - how you vibe, room presence and how you roll in understood in a broader sense of fundamentals and vibe.

The grounding part i mention is another dimension of depth of your impact that seriously adds. Where you slow down, youre less speaking to impact her and more in yourself. The vibe of your words is less forced onto her. more soothing. More confident.

Sexual tension a third one.

Again - Write out what you say and what is happening in here - makes it easier to dissect and give feedback.
 
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greenleaf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
39
i could be wrong but i get the sense that youre not really using game but just opening and flirting in whatever you think it is
Does that not just depend on whose model you are following? They are all very different after all.

What's your definition of'using game' (verbal examples) - more like mysterymethod maybe? (so a neg 'are those nails real? no? Shame' after the open and then a DHV story about your model ex girlfriend and then 'you and I wouldn't get along - we'd always fight and i'd always win!' kind of thing)

To be honest, I'd almost say that game IS flirting, when you actually break down 95% of the concepts in all of the PUA books I've read. And then, if you're her type, she flirts back, and then it all just flows fairly easily from there

Maybe he's just getting all 'no girls' so far though no fault of his own and needs to appraohc way more to find the girls who are attracted? (also, OP what country are you in? I think it's a million times harder in certain countries compared to the US from what I've both experienced and read about on reddit. I'm curious)
 

cruiser

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
99
Dude that’s some great insight! I’m writing most of my interactions down below is my most common one that goes along that!
I would suggest to write out what you say and what is happening in here - makes it easier to dissect and give feedback. Also provides YOU better reflections on things.

It sounds to me like the girls reactions that youre doing something thats off. fix that. Hard to see what it is from the little you provide and there are often many layers to why you get reactions. Figure it out. Seek people who can give you feedback.

The biggest problem most guys have in bars etc. is shitty lock-ins. Fix that and youll up things a lot.


Again - Write out what you say and what is happening in here - makes it easier to dissect and give feedback.
Me: Oh sweet jacket it looks super soft

her: like omg yeah!!

I’ll go in and feel it

(I’ll comment if it’s soft or not and then I’ll compare it to how soft mine is)

Most if the times she’ll touch it omg it is but mines softer

Me: It kinda reminds me of like a cool biker gang jacket, are you in one ? I’m tryna join in

Her: oh deff not

Me: Ah it’s okay recruiting ppl is secret I get it (playful)

Me: I’m cruiser btw

Her: I’m Emily. Firmly Shakes hand



(If it’s a wack handshake I’ll say wow what a princess handshake are you a princess? Which land?)

If it’s solid next sentence...



Me: so what brings you out tonight?

Her: Oh unmm nothing just living life!!(so crazy like 90% of the responses are this if it’s not a bday)

Me: I like that ! (Smiling)

Her: Haha yea..

Me: So you a local or visiting

Her: I’m a local from xtown , you?

Me: you couldn’t tell? i live here, look there’s my bed these are my personal bartenders y’all just came crashing into my room (bs answer), no ones truly a local from around here.

Sweet tho! what do you do? Lemme guess you’re a secret agent right

Her. What!! Ohhh you got me!

Me: Sweet this is the secret agent convention tonight you do know that right, it’s so nice meeting another secret agent here

She starts laughing and she’ll either look around or laugh with her friend



70% of the time she’ll excuse herself at this point / look at her friend at laugh

If she’s vibing, I’ll try to move her or deep dive but it’s just not been hittin lately.



I’m attempting the cocky humor to get them to relax. It’s like if you make one mistake you’re done for.



Got any tips for this guys ?
 

cruiser

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
99
Maybe he's just getting all 'no girls' so far though no fault of his own and needs to appraohc way more to find the girls who are attracted? (also, OP what country are you in? I think it's a million times harder in certain countries compared to the US from what I've both experienced and read about on reddit. I'm curious)
I’m in US :)
 

BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 12, 2020
Messages
246
Me personally I like your vibe , but in the same time women are quite bad at humor and even dating , so I guess is either is too much for her and feels she can not keep up with you or just not that interested . I would try to reopen them later and see if you have more success then.

I would also do some a/b testing like toning down a little bit the humor and see if you get better results :)
 

Velasco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
190
Me: so what brings you out tonight?

Her: Oh unmm nothing just living life!!(so crazy like 90% of the responses are this if it’s not a bday)

Me: I like that ! (Smiling)

Her: Haha yea.
If your getting this response 90% of the time you ask that question, then you should have a routine for it. Here you can see its wasted. As you move on to asking her another question.

Cruiser: so what brings you out tonight?
Her: Oh unmm nothing just living life!!
Cruiser: (skeptical smirk) I actually think I know the real reason why you came out. But I don't think your mature enough to handle it. (open loop)
Her: tell me!
Cruiser: what part are you from and I'll see if your mature enough (compliance test)
Her: I'm from X town. Tell me!!
Cruiser: oh your a X town girl? yeah ok that's fine. I think you came out because you want to meet someone who has the potential to make your life better. Your like so bored with the guys at your work. School. Your looking for something new. And the possibility of that chance you will find someone like that tonight was so strong, that your body decided for you, that it was the right decision to come here tonight. Even if you are not aware of that. And think your here just "living your life".
Her: * blown away *

Her: I’m a local from xtown , you?

Me: you couldn’t tell? i live here, look there’s my bed these are my personal bartenders y’all just came crashing into my room (bs answer), no ones truly a local from around here.

Sweet tho! what do you do? Lemme guess you’re a secret agent right

Her. What!! Ohhh you got me!

Me: Sweet this is the secret agent convention tonight you do know that right, it’s so nice meeting another secret agent here

She starts laughing and she’ll either look around or laugh with her friend
Your fucking around too much. You want investment from her.

You should be spiking girls buying temperature as a means of increasing the odds of her complying to your follow up investment hoop.
 
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cruiser

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
99
If your getting this response 90% of the time you ask that question, then you should have a routine for it. Here you can see its wasted. As you move on to asking her another question.

Cruiser: so what brings you out tonight?
Her: Oh unmm nothing just living life!!
Cruiser: (skeptical smirk) I actually think I know the real reason why you came out. But I don't think your mature enough to handle it. (open loop)
Her: tell me!
Cruiser: what part are you from and I'll see if your mature enough (compliance test)
Her: I'm from X town. Tell me!!
Cruiser: oh your a X town girl? yeah ok that's fine. I think you came out because you want to meet someone who has the potential to make your life better. Your like so bored with the guys at your work. School. Your looking for something new. And the possibility of that chance you will find someone like that tonight was so strong, that your body decided for you, that it was the right decision to come here tonight. Even if you are not aware of that. And think your here just "living your life".
Her: * blown away *



Your fucking around too much. You want investment from her.

You should be spiking girls buying temperature as a means of increasing the odds of her complying to your follow up investment hoop.
dang you’re right, I think I’m being too much I guess initially it’s good but I need them to get hooked, I’ll try this out this weekend you just always bring the sauce man! I am fucking around too much when I need to get to the meat of things
 

SnowChase

Rookie
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Feb 14, 2020
Messages
4
Hey buddy glad to see a fapstronaut doing well, My Advice -: Try to take control of the Situation and make a next move BUT If she's on Defensive do this: MOVE ON. Try the next one She's not the one for you as hard as it sounds but you have to take the medicine seriously . I'm glad you're making progress on being a Guy who knows well to be Active Good Luck Out There Buddy !
 

Glow

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
96
yeah like it sounds - it could sound like you are overdoing it. Or your vibe is off in it. making you spit game but not connect nor truly impact her.

dont wanna give too much since @Velasco gave you some direction but another entry tech is that
i like to walk into sets movingly
shooting minicold reads - spikes her intrique and in a fun-playful energy w. intrigue about why you see her as that
and then transfer into an actual read of her - sorta reality paced opening or pacing of her and opening with a read. - this astonishes her as you see things in her about her which is a sort of authority and intrigue creation despite being a stranger. It provides for an initial intimacy.
its a hack of the socalled rainbow ruse that i find works much better. For this type I could eg. roll in next to her off mingling meaning im in movement already.

This is another way to impact her MUCH more https://nextasf.com/forum/nextasf/general/308841-minimise-focus-on-the-opener-focus-the-game-on-your-response-to-her-response - a way of opening where youre responding to her answer to your opener, focussing on that.

Consider also how you roll up.
And lock-in.
Both are keys that can change things big time.

walking in,
hover, let her suck your vibe in a lil first.
then open causally over the shoulder. Or to the side.
maybe with a short lag or pause in after a hey where you connect w her and add a lil tension.
then your opener.
is a lot different from more confrontational type openers that newbies tend to do with straight walk ups to sets hitting them front on.

Just to say theres a lot more to it than just the verbal gymnastics
 
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cruiser

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
99
Hey guys thanks!
Went out and I was hooking with girls left and right. I lowered the humor from super troll to slightly playful where it was clever. Hooked all night. gave them a lil more to talk about by answering more after my q.

so I got a leading question. How do you guys escalate once their sorta hooked? touching is a powerful tool and shifts their state and how soon do you do it? My biggest thing is if she has a bf in the bar or something and I’m escalating, turns out bad and awkward lol.
On dates I have no problem touching them on the thighs or playful hand holding. My hold up is I go for escalation if she’s really feeling it, but I think it’s a bad mindset I should always go for it to create that sexual tension? I kinda wanna stay away from sex talk and work on building sexual tension else wise I tend to scare off the girls I’m interested in with it and it needs work (yes velasco hahaha I’ve been reading those articles they’re awesome) What do you guys think?
 

DML

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
56
Location
Denmark
Always try to move the conversation forward in either of these categories. If you are stuck in one of the categories, then move to the next one.
- Escalate logistically - Where you opened her -> isolation -> drink together -> new bar -> home
- Escalate conversation topics towards more sexual topics, where you can display sexual prizing and show your views on sex
- Escalate physically/non-verbal with focus on increasing the sexual tension - closer proximity, stronger sexual state projection through your eyes, increasing the pauses in the conversation with intense EC, more intimate touching, whispering in her ear where she can feel your breath etc. Follow a ladder if you have problems here. You should start touching as soon as possible imo. Just not in a gamey way but think incidental touching.
- Escalate the "relationship" between the two of you. From I, to you, to we. Us against the world frame.

You can build sexual tension during sex talk. Sexual tension is mostly non-verbal. If you think sex talk feel really canned, then you escalate towards other sexual topics like her favorite sexual positions, if she ever had a threesome etc. Just don't make it a big deal.
 
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