Ok so I am doing something wrong

[Dragonetti]

I have been experiencing a pattern:

1. I meet a girl from a dating app
2. we have a great date. She enthusiastically discusses plans for the second date and in fact insists on it.
3. I take her home. She cuddles me closely.
4. We have intense sex, she cums a lot, and she lets me cum in her unprotected. Often she spends the ngiht
5. No second date. Either a ghosted or "hey we want different things" text

Could it be that my apartment is messy/gross? Am I giving too much of a fuckboy vibe? This has happened like... four times in a month and i really need to figure it out. I don't like one night stands, I just want a gf.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

wild. they let you cum inside them and then ghost you?
what country is that if you don't mind me asking?
feel free to PM if you don't want to say publicly.

 

[Dragonetti]

I live in the USA. This last girl (I like her a LOT) let me cum in her despite not being on birth control at all. It was the safe part of her cycle. We had very hot sex. But on the date she asked "if all my dates go like this" as I was taking her home. I said "well yeah more or less, I think it's a good way to break the ice with someone and test chemistry." She was emphatically insisting on a second date. Now she didn't reply to my "hey I had a great time meeting you" text.

I'm a very good "closer." Almost all of my first dates lead to sex. Should I be shy about this and never talk about it? Idk I think I might be giving off too much "fun but bad bf" fuckboy energy. This is really taking a toll on me.

Maybe they feel guilty about being so slutty?

 

[topcat]

I live in the USA. This last girl (I like her a LOT) let me cum in her despite not being on birth control at all. It was the safe part of her cycle. We had very hot sex. But on the date she asked "if all my dates go like this" as I was taking her home. I said "well yeah more or less, I think it's a good way to break the ice with someone and test chemistry." She was emphatically insisting on a second date. Now she didn't reply to my "hey I had a great time meeting you" text.

I'm a very good "closer." Almost all of my first dates lead to sex. Should I be shy about this and never talk about it? Idk I think I might be giving off too much "fun but bad bf" fuckboy energy. This is really taking a toll on me.

lol man i have the exact same issue.

my read: they are extremely attracted to you, let you have their way with them, then after the fact they come to their senses and block you out.

the salve is, you need to show a little more bf value, just a tad, deep dive more, go less hard in the bedroom UNTIL you have lock in (fucked her three times on separate occasions) keep it lighter and friendlier until then.

"if all my dates go like this" as I was taking her home. I said "well yeah more or less, I think it's a good way to break the ice with someone and test chemistry."

This is bad. It’s like telling a girl your body count, you need to deflect and tease “yeh you’re the fifth today!”

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

let me cum in her despite not being on birth control at all. It was the safe part of her cycle.

no such thing, they can get pregnant at any time of the month, it's unlikely but by no means impossible.

on the date she asked "if all my dates go like this" as I was taking her home. I said "well yeah more or less, I think it's a good way to break the ice with someone and test chemistry." She was emphatically insisting on a second date. Now she didn't reply to my "hey I had a great time meeting you" text.

hmm yeah i would keep that more ambiguous, that was definitely fuckboy vibe... i'd just say "sometimes".

I'm a very good "closer." Almost all of my first dates lead to sex. Should I be shy about this and never talk about it? Idk I think I might be giving off too much "fun but bad bf" fuckboy energy. This is really taking a toll on me.

what was your qualification and comfort game like? that's what usually makes the difference between a one night stand only vs. seeing her again.

 

[Dragonetti]

This is bad. It’s like telling a girl your body count, you need to deflect and tease “yeh you’re the fifth today!”

Ok. But she still had eager, enthusiastic sex w/ me after i told her that? She doesn't take birth control and let me repeatedly unload on her... I could feel her shaking from orgasms. If I'm some dirty skeezball (i'm not, but in her mind) why would she let me unload inside her?

Also I'd like to note that she hugged me goodbye and didn't want to kiss in the morning even though we had fluid exchange sex hours before. She didn't want morning sex either. She barely drank that night either: I think she had three drinks over four hours.

How can I recover from this? I like this girl a lot and, at the very least, want to test our recovery tactics.

 

[Dragonetti]

what was your qualification and comfort game like? that's what usually makes the difference between a one night stand only vs. seeing her again.

Qualficiation? Im not so clear on exactly how this tactic works.

For comfort, If I am interpreting that right... I think I did it very well. We shared values (we like monogamy, we are against abortion, we thought covid lockdowns were stupid), I deep-dived and asked about her family, her siblings, their relationships, her past life, etc. We went back to my palce and watched one of her favorite movies and I loved. We both are big fans of the same online video game so we bonded over that we both love and she even told me what in-game guild she was in and her character names (we even play the same *version* of the game - a nostalgic old school version that we love for the same reasons!)

I think I built comfort really well.

 

[topcat]

Ok. But she still had eager, enthusiastic sex w/ me after i told her that? She doesn't take birth control and let me repeatedly unload on her... I could feel her shaking from orgasms. If I'm some dirty skeezball (i'm not, but in her mind) why would she let me unload inside her?

Also I'd like to note that she hugged me goodbye and didn't want to kiss in the morning even though we had fluid exchange sex hours before. She didn't want morning sex either. She barely drank that night either: I think she had three drinks over four hours.

How can I recover from this? I like this girl a lot and, at the very least, want to test our recovery tactics.

bro, she’s gone. move on, you don’t even know this girl…

 

[Dragonetti]

Yeah I'm not like... in love with this girl. She's kinda mid, whatever. But I want to how to break this god damn cycle that I am stuck in. I just want a gf. I like monogamy.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

I'm not gonna lie, this one has me puzzled too. I would try to get the info from her. Sounds like your social skills are good enough to maybe do that even at the risk of having her think that's weird, tell her hey there's something I gotta talk to you about can we meet for five minutes and then tell her to give it to you straight what was the reason. I don't think this will fix the situation but it might shed some light. From what you wrote I'm not able to diagnose.

 

[Dragonetti]

I'm not gonna lie, this one has me puzzled too. I would try to get the info from her. Sounds like your social skills are good enough to maybe do that even at the risk of having her think that's weird, tell her hey there's something I gotta talk to you about can we meet for five minutes and then tell her to give it to you straight what was the reason. I don't think this will fix the situation but it might shed some light. From what you wrote I'm not able to diagnose.

Maybe my apartment was gross? i think it might have smelled a bit and the bathroom hasn't been cleaned in ages. Litterbox needed attention... Maybe this came off as "wow if he can't take care of himself he can't take care of me?" It didn't seem to bother her tho. Also, another recent girl said my apartment cleanliness looks about: "looks like a single man and his cat lives here" and said it was 4/10 grossness. Another girl said 7/10.

I think I had condoms out on the dresser by accident tho... maybe this gave a bad impression that I'm a slut. (I was rifling through my drawer in the dark to find lube for her and took those out with the lube)

Anyway.. how should I gather info from her?

 

[TomInHo]

Qualficiation? Im not so clear on exactly how this tactic works.

For comfort, If I am interpreting that right... I think I did it very well. We shared values (we like monogamy, we are against abortion, we thought covid lockdowns were stupid), I deep-dived and asked about her family, her siblings, their relationships, her past life, etc. We went back to my palce and watched one of her favorite movies and I loved. We both are big fans of the same online video game so we bonded over that we both love and she even told me what in-game guild she was in and her character names (we even play the same *version* of the game - a nostalgic old school version that we love for the same reasons!)

I think I built comfort really well.

Tbh I think you actually come on too strong

Talking about loving monogamy, being super romantic, having all these amazing things in common. Have you tried having a more "casual" evening with these girls?

I told you about this last time with the last girl but you give off a lot mixed signals. And you're getting post date ASD

Try this next time
- Have casual and fun conversation
- Go deep but don't go too deep
- Sexualize the interaction
- Fuck the girl... but don't do nothing too crazy she may regret later
- After you fuck do a de-brief. Find out what made her decide to cum with you tonight?
- Fuck her again after the de-brief
- Send her home then tell her to text you when she gets back
- Re-initiate text again and keep things low pressure

Because to be honest from all your previous post I have a gut feeling you may be sub-comming neediness and a desire to lock them down fast and that could be scaring them off

 

[Dragonetti]

Tbh I think you actually come on too strong

Talking about loving monogamy, being super romantic, having all these amazing things in common. Have you tried having a more "casual" evening with these girls?

I told you about this last time with the last girl but you give off a lot mixed signals. And you're getting post date ASD

Try this next time
- Have casual and fun conversation
- Go deep but don't go too deep
- Sexualize the interaction
- Fuck the girl... but don't do nothing too crazy she may regret later
- After you fuck do a de-brief. Find out what made her decide to cum with you tonight?
- Fuck her again after the de-brief
- Send her home then tell her to text you when she gets back
- Re-initiate text again and keep things low pressure

Because to be honest from all your previous post I have a gut feeling you may be sub-comming neediness and a desire to lock them down fast and that could be scaring them off

Thanks for the reply.

A few points
regarding your points
-The conversational was super casual and fun. She brought the monogamy stuff up. All the values stuff came from her without prompting. Convo was mostly about like, funny stories, music she likes, etc etc.
-Interaction was thorougly sexualized lol. I mentioned how she wasn't wearing a bra, asked what she liked about my profile (saying "i'm daddy" on it - she liked that). I definitely do not have a problem witht his.
-Debrief after - ok I'll do that. I kinda asked it before sex. I'll do it after next time.
-I'll ask for a "got home safe" text next time, good idea

The text I sent (a few hours after she left for brunch): "<name> I had a great time meeting you. I hope you enjoy brunch".

Anyway: i'd like to actually try to get info (like @Karea Ricardus D. suggested) from his chick because it seems like anyone's guess at this point what im doing wrong. I accept that it's over but... I'd like to see what's up. What's a way to go about doing this?

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Agreed with TominHo, could have been coming on too strong, too much romantic / love vibes too early.

Debrief: I'll tell you in PM, I don't want to share what I do in that kind of situation for that publicly.

 

[TomInHo]

But on the date she asked "if all my dates go like this" as I was taking her home. I said "well yeah more or less, I think it's a good way to break the ice with someone and test chemistry."

This was horrendous. You know why she’s asking this. If you want to see her again making a relationship girl feel like she's just another number is not a great idea

When girls ask me this I say... “Of course not. Only with the special ones ”

To imply I don’t just sleep with anyone but it’s still vague enough to make her wonder

Or I can flip it on her... “Do YOU say this to all your dates too ”. Put it back on her and tease her about being the real player not you

Because women know when you’re a player. They just want plausible deniability to make them feel okay about fucking you

I'm a very good "closer." Almost all of my first dates lead to sex. Should I be shy about this and never talk about it?

Don’t be telling girls that want relationships you sleep around. This should be obvious

Idk I think I might be giving off too much "fun but bad bf" fuckboy energy. This is really taking a toll on me.

Maybe they feel guilty about being so slutty?

You’re giving too many mixed signals. Coming off like a fuckboy that wants a relationship…. That’s not good and not believable at all

For retention purposes a guy that is “open” to relationships but is picky about who he gets intimate with works so much better for relationship focused girls

OR

A guy that is purely casual and doesn't want to hold them back from finding their prince charming for more casual minded girls. This frame works for some reason probably because it's more believable

Your frame is great for ONS but horrible for return business because you're too much of a risk. Experienced women will stay clear from you because they don't want to waste their time

A few points
regarding your points
-The conversational was super casual and fun. She brought the monogamy stuff up. All the values stuff came from her without prompting. Convo was mostly about like, funny stories, music she likes, etc etc.
-Interaction was thorougly sexualized lol. I mentioned how she wasn't wearing a bra, asked what she liked about my profile (saying "i'm daddy" on it - she liked that). I definitely do not have a problem witht his.
-Debrief after - ok I'll do that. I kinda asked it before sex. I'll do it after next time.
-I'll ask for a "got home safe" text next time, good idea

You need to fix your overall frame. That will give you the biggest bang for your buck

The text I sent (a few hours after she left for brunch): "<name> I had a great time meeting you. I hope you enjoy brunch".

Don't do anything to hasty. If she didn't respond give her a few days and then send another text with something non needy. A simple ping like "morning" can work.

Because to be fair you texted her the same exact day she left your house, and she was cold when she left. Read the room and give her some space to cool off before re-engaging

 

[Dragonetti]

Thanks. How can I fix my frame?

 

[TomInHo]

Thanks. How can I fix my frame?

Re-read

For retention purposes a guy that is “open” to relationships but is picky about who he gets intimate with works so much better for relationship focused girls

OR

A guy that is purely casual and doesn't want to hold them back from finding their prince charming for more casual minded girls. This frame works for some reason probably because it's more believable

And please calm down.

This girl is not done with you yet. Send her another text before jumping to conclusions

 

[Dragonetti]

Gotcha. Thanks for the reassurance. This has just happened so many times that I assume it's the same as usual.

How long should I wait to text again? And what should it be? "mornin"?

 

[TomInHo]

Gotcha. Thanks for the reassurance. This has just happened so many times that I assume it's the same as usual.

How long should I wait to text again? And what should it be? "mornin"?

I usually say “morning” with sun emoji

Or send them a wave to re-engage with something low effort

 

[Dragonetti]

Cool. ANd waht's the move if that gets no reply