Overcoming the fear of rejection

Gamenoob92

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2019
Messages
23
I have realized that my main obstacle in this journey of seduction is my overwhelming fear of rejection. I have tried to circumvent this fear by trying out extremely indirect approaches and trying to rely on online dating. I have now come to the point where I just want to tackle this fear head on and reduce its influence over my life. I want to convince my brain that its okay to get rejected and the only thing that might die if I am rejected is my Ego. I want to be rid of this fear and feel free to approach women I find attractive.

I do daygame as of now and hope to start going out at night in a few months time. I used to always count my approaches and always stopped doing approaches once I got a rejection that felt bad or got into 2-3 awkward interactions. This time I am going to count my rejections instead of my approaches. I will open with my regular direct or situational openers and count my rejections. I want to reach a 100 rejections to convince myself and my brain that nothing is going to happen and from there go on in order to really lose this fear.
 

Gamenoob92

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2019
Messages
23
I had my first session today. Though it was a super busy day where I hardly had anytime, I was eager to start off.

Did two approaches today, within just 15 mins while getting groceries. This is a big win for me as I previously always took almost 30/45 mins to do my first approach. The first approach got awkward as it was at a train station and the girl thought I was trying to sell her something. But despite the awkwardness I stuck in there and made sure she knew that I was not selling her anything and told her I came there to talk to her because she looked pretty and I liked her hair. After she understood, she beamed and thanked me. Another great thing was during this time, a guy came and stood next to her, maybe it was her BF. I did not panic complimented her again and also wished the guy a good day and shook hands with him and ejected. So I do not count this as a rejection.

The next approach, I opened with a direct compliment. She meekly thanked me and seemed uninterested. I asked her if she was from this town, she said no and started walking looking down and made it clear that she did not want to talk. I wished her a good day as she was walking off. It stung a bit but I was finally off the mark with my first rejection :)

Total number of rejections = 1
 

Gamenoob92

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2019
Messages
23
Hey you're doing what most men will never do... trying. Every rejection is just a learning experience.
Wow! Thanks Tony for the reply. Never expected you to reply to this. In fact,the turning point for me was reading your GC article "Qualities that propel you to Dating Success" which I read a couple of weeks ago. I realized I did not have what you mentioned as the #1 quality i.e. the ability to deal with rejection and I was trying to sneak around rejection. Thanks for your encouragement and your great articles especially the simple ones targeted towards newbies.
 

Gamenoob92

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2019
Messages
23
Went out today. It is a super busy time for me now due to University work but I just want to sneak in small sessions regardless. Did 3 approaches today. Went out with a mindset of embracing rejection and awkwardness.

First one opened with a compliment and got a nice response. I was not warmed up and actually was a bit taken aback by the good response. Just wished her a good day and ejected.

Second one was a walking set. Did a kind of a front stop and opened with a compliment again. Got a good reaction and the conversation hooked. The girl was not that attractive but definitely someone I would fuck if she was on my bed. So decided to go as far as I could. Spoke to her for around 20 mins. Should have pushed for the I-date but had to get back to studying so did not. But I got her facebook as she was a traveler and did not have a local number. She agreed for drinks on Tuesday. Sometimes I felt the conversation was too friendly. But I can work on that AA is something that I am looking to conquer as of now.

Now I had to get back home but I could not go back without getting at least 1 rejection. So opened the third girl who was really cute and was waiting at the bus stop. Opened direct and she took it well. Conversation hooked and we were talking but her bus was about to arrive so I went for a premature close. Asked her if she would like to grab a drink with me. She said "No. But thanks for asking but I have a boyfriend". I exchanged pleasantries with her and ejected. So I got my rejection of the day.

Total number of rejections= 2
 

Ben22

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 2, 2018
Messages
36
Nice stuff man. Very inspiring and worthy of respect. You put yourself out there and not worried about the outcome. Just keep yourself on the path.
 

cruiser

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
48
Hey man! Love how you’re putting yourself out there. How about this small tip for next time, don’t count the rejections, I feel like your making it a big deal. Instead LEARN from these rejections. When you are approaching a girl you’re just seeing if you vibe. You’re not friends with everyone right? everyone doesn’t vibe with you! And that’s okay, that’s how you become a cool, edgy guy that won’t give a single damn. She rejected me? Nah she just didn’t vibe with me. What could I have done different, maybe deeper tone? stand better? I’ll keep that in mind for next time.
 

Gamenoob92

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2019
Messages
23
Hey man! Love how you’re putting yourself out there. How about this small tip for next time, don’t count the rejections, I feel like your making it a big deal. Instead LEARN from these rejections. When you are approaching a girl you’re just seeing if you vibe. You’re not friends with everyone right? everyone doesn’t vibe with you! And that’s okay, that’s how you become a cool, edgy guy that won’t give a single damn. She rejected me? Nah she just didn’t vibe with me. What could I have done different, maybe deeper tone? stand better? I’ll keep that in mind for next time.
Hey thanks for the support and your suggestions. Yes, you are right I am making this rejection thing a big deal. My problem has been I have tried all the mindsets such as "I am the buyer", "Its not a rejection of me, but a rejection of my approach", "I am just creating an opportunity for a connection to happen", "I am the prize", "I am just checking if she is my type" etc. Whenever I have gone out with these frames, I feel like it is a herculean task and it takes up a lot of my mental energy to maintain and reinforce these frames constantly while out approaching. And invariably I feel I am still petrified of and trying to delude myself that it was not a rejection. I used to go out with these mindsets do a few sessions and then one bad session and I stop and go back to fucking Tinder and Bumble!

So this time I was intent on just getting past this sword of rejection hanging over my head constantly. I came across Exposure Therapy/Rejection therapy and realized before I concentrate on other aspects of my Game, I have to get over this fear. That's why I am doing this thing of counting up to a 100 rejections and then looking back and trying to convince my brain that "See! Nothing really happened, I am still the same person". It is just a temporary phase and yes I am also looking at things I can improve on in my approaches but my main aim now is to get rid of this fear by facing it head on.
 

Gamenoob92

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2019
Messages
23
Today I had an hour's time. I went out and did 5 approaches. I feel a real difference in my anxiety as I am now going out fully ready to get rejected and face awkwardness. I went out with my wing today and he was surprised that I did 5 approaches within 45 mins. He is also a newbie and struggles with AA. But he used to open before I did in many sessions. Today I did 5 rapidly and he was amazed and ended up not doing a single one. So I spent the last 15 mins encouraging him to approach and then we ran out of time.

As for the interactions, I was not very lucky today. I live in a European city where the native language is not English. I speak a bit of the native language but not enough to converse freely. So sometimes you end up approaching girls who speak no English at all. This was one of those days.

My first approach was super awkward. She was really pretty and I was anxious. Opened with asking her if she spoke English and she said no and then I switched to her native language and tried getting into a conversation and she gave me a weird look and kind of turned away. I soaked in the awkwardness for an extra second or two and then left.

My second approach was also awkward again due to the fact that she did not speak English but then the great part of the interaction was that because I started laughing, she started laughing too and the awkwardness dissipated and it became a funny situation for both us. This was great as it clearly showed me the concept of State Transference and how non-verbals are so vital.

My third approach was also with a girl who did not speak English very well, but enough to have a conversation. I opened with saying I liked her style, she got awkward and did not receive the compliment well. But I decided to stick it out and continued talking and then she seemed to open up a bit. But she was terribly conscious of her bad English and I could see that since she was so anxious she could not even understand my basic banter. But I stuck in there for 2 mins and then left.

The fourth girl I approached with telling her she was pretty and that I had to meet her. She understood the pretty part and thanked me but could not understand my conversation after that, so she asked to switch to her native language. I complimented her again in her native language and spoke a bit. I could not continue for too long as I have very limited knowledge of the native language. Again here my energy was lighthearted and fun and she started laughing and smiling as well and it did not get awkward.

The fifth girl was sitting on the bench and she was quite pretty but with lots of make up. I was urging my wing to approach her but he was chickening out so I went in. Opened with asking her if she was French. She said she was English and then I told her I thought she looked pretty and that's why I came over to meet her. She thanked me but was awkward about it. I had a thought of ejecting but I wanted to push through the awkwardness. I asked her what she was doing here and she told me she was a tourist and also mentioned that her boyfriend was inside the store across the street buying something. I did not flinch and continued the conversation just being social and asking her what she liked. At this point I felt her change from oh this is awkward to oh this guy seems cool and not a weirdo and she started talking more freely. By this time I could see her bf walking up to us from across the street, So I wished her a good stay here and we exchanged pleasantries and I ejected. But I did not runaway, I just sat on the next bench. I wanted to convince myself that the boyfriend is not going to be weird or get into a fight or that she is going to complain about me. And nothing happened she just gathered her stuff even looked at me smiled and left with her bf. This is a big step for me to convince myself that I am not doing anything weird or wrong and that these worse case scenarios exist in my head.

As I am counting up to a 100 rejections in this journal, the total number of rejections until now = 7

I have a date in 2 hours with a Swiss traveler whose Facebook I got on Sunday from daygame. I am going to try to take her to two bars close to my place and escalate and try to pull. Will write an FR on that. Looking to have fun and pull the trigger and not overthink like I tend to do on some dates.
 

Gamenoob92

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2019
Messages
23
21st November

My approach anxiety suddenly flared up and it was a bad start to the session as I did not approach or talk to anyone for 30 mins after I and my wing hit the streets. I was trying to push my wing to open but even he was freezing up. Ended up opening only two Asian girls throughout the session, who actually were not attractive and I guess my tonality and other non-verbals were so shitty that both of them blew me out within seconds and did not want anything to do with me.

So my total number of rejections now = 9.

But me and my wing made some plans to prevent us having such bad sessions. This session was bad scheduling on our part. We had both had very long days at Uni and were extremely tired and my wing also had some work to do for the next day. But we decided to hit the streets to just squeeze in an approaching session but it went horribly bad. We had set a target of at least 5 approaches each but I ended up doing only 2 and he did 0.

So we decided we will schedule longer sessions and make sure we plan them so that our energy levels are better instead of just approaching for the sake of it. I also wrote down some frames on my cellphone which I could go through just before or during the session if I am having a lot of trouble opening.
 

Gamenoob92

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2019
Messages
23
23rd November

I hit the streets for a daygame session with my wing. It was a Saturday and we went out at 2:30 PM. It was the perfect time as people were out and about. We had a target of approaching a minimum of 5 girls each. I was still feeling stifled and anxious.

1st approach- I spotted a girl who looked like a tourist ambling about slowly around a tourist destination in my city. She then sat on a bench. I opened with asking her if she was Russian and she actually was. I started bantering but since it was my first approach I was still very rusty. There was no vibe and I was struggling to setup a man to woman frame. After a few minutes of conversation, I clearly saw it was going nowhere. But I went for the Instant date asking her if she wanted to go grab some coffee. She said no thanks and that she had a bf in Russia. I teased her as to whether he forbids her from just having coffee with other guys. She laughed and then tried to grab the frame by telling me she wanted to buy a scarf and that I could accompany her to the shop if I wanted. I said I was not interested in going shopping with her and also started teasing her about how girls take hours to shop and how I would get angry if I went shopping with her. This seemed to spike her emotions and she started laughing. I think this made her respect me a little as it showed that I had a backbone and was not just willing to follow her around. We got up and started walking and before parting ways I again asked her if she wanted to grab coffee with me some other time and she refused. So I told her I will go walk around a bit and that she can carry on. She was a bit shocked that I was ejecting and then bid me goodbye and I left.

2nd approach- Was with a girl who did not speak English, I tried speaking her native language and delivering my compliment she did not understand it and the tram arrived and she left.

3rd approach- Girl waiting near a metro station. Opened with asking her if she spoke English and she said no. I knew she did understand English and she was saying no as she thought I was about to sell her something. I tried to persist but she put her headphones back in. I turned away and immediately saw another cute girl and opened her even as this girl was looking.

4th approach- Opened with a compliment, She took it well. She warmed up after some light banter. I soon realized that she was still in high school and only 17 but I stayed in set longer joked around a bit to help my vibe and then ejected. The girl I had previously opened was watching all this with a surprised look. But I did not care, This made me feel really good!

5th approach - Opened with a compliment but she did not understand English. Complimented her in the native language and made some small talk but my language skills are not that good and so had to eject.

6th approach- We were taking a break as my wing was getting something to eat and we were sitting on a bench. Two girls were sitting next to us and I opened with a situational comment and bantered a bit but the set did not hook.

7th approach- Saw a cute nerdy looking girl with glasses. Opened with complimenting her style and she took it very well. I was in the zone and the set hooked well. I teased a bit and also built good rapport. She was being very compliant so I kept the teasing to a minimum. We found out we had a lot of common interests and the conversation was great. I spent around 20 mins in set. And the girl was really engaged and I went for the number close as she had to catch a train. She apologized profusely and said she could not come out with me as she had a bf. She said she did not intend to waste her time and that she was really enjoying our convo and did not want to be rude by cutting me off earlier by telling me she had a bf. I said it was okay and continued for a bit out if courtesy and told her that its okay. She then offered that we could add each other on Facebook as she thought I was a lovely person hahaha. I added her on Facebook and we parted ways. And then within 5 mins she texted me saying it was great talking to me and wished me a nice evening. And I checked out her profile and saw that her profile pic and many other pics on her profile all had her bf in them.

I spent the rest of the time getting my wing to complete his 5 sets as he had done only 2 up until then. I was happy as I had targeted 5 sets but had done 7 in this session.

Total number of rejections = 13
 
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