This is something I've struggled with and I know many newbies struggle with. I have some personal issues and a very abusive childhood which makes me more prone to this. Does anybody who has this issue have any advice on either Preventing (Started to get obsessed but not quite there yet) / Reducing (Already obsessed) / Ending (Trying to cut it off 100%). Mentally ill people are typically more prone to Obsession as well, depending on the mental illness.
Anyone who's experienced with game can chime in as well, you don't need to have had this experience or be prone to it in order to give advice. As long as you're not a keyboard jockey.
My personal advice from experiences, observations, and such are:
Anyone who's experienced with game can chime in as well, you don't need to have had this experience or be prone to it in order to give advice. As long as you're not a keyboard jockey.
My personal advice from experiences, observations, and such are:
- Focus on flaws, big time.
- Do not project positive qualities onto her that do not exist.
- Do not exaggerate positive qualities of hers beyond what they realistically are.
- Basically, never get her onto a pedestal.
- Stay busy and make sure you're talking to multiple other girls, never be only talking to one, especially if you're prone to Obsession easily, talking to 1 girl and she's always on your mind? Nope, recipe for disaster if you are prone to this issue.
- Cut zero contact, 100% cut. Not even slight contact, not even viewing social media, not even viewing pictures, not even viewing conversations. I just fully blocked on every platform including phone number when I had to get over an Obsession. Then after I was over it, I forgot to unblock, and still haven't unblocked because I don't care and am too lazy lol.
- Pursue your dreams and passions. Women should never be your #1 priority in life, always have something better to do.
- DO NOT FUTURE PROJECT. Do not imagine some hypothetical or imaginary future together, no matter how far or short into the future it is. That's a bad situation waiting to happen, because then you get attached to this nonexistent or potentially existent future, and you'll fight to make it happen when really, don't.
- Realize all relationships end. At some point in time you will have to Let Go of everybody you ever meet in your entire life. Embrace this truth. It will set you Free. Nothing lasts forever. This girl is just a passing breeze in your life, and another one is coming soon right after she's gone.
- View this as practice for emotional control and self-control when you're trying to get over it, prevent it, or reduce it. Control of your thoughts. Discipline in being able to focus when emotionally distracted. View her as practice for when you do meet an ideal / quality girl. You do not want to be an Obsessive creep when you finally meet a quality girl. So learn from this experience, find out why / how / when you became Obsessed, how you can prevent it, etc. Explore yourself and your own flaws and imperfections and decide how to fix it, then go to work!
- Do not reach out to her under any circumstance. You'll want to and feel such a strong urge. Call a friend, or hang out with friends. OR write a letter to her but DO NOT SEND IT. If you absolutely have to reach out to her, then write something down and promise yourself you will wait 1 week (or ideally 2 weeks) before sending it to her. Chances are that after that 1-2 weeks is up, you won't even want to. The process of simply writing your thoughts down is cathartic in itself.
- Do not analyze the relationship right after it ends or right when you cut contact. Wait a month or two or three, until you are emotionally distant enough to view it without an emotional bias. Honestly, the ideal is 3 months minimum. Keep busy until then. After 3 or more months, or whenever you're emotionally distant (your feelings have reduced at a minimum of 70-80% of it's 100% maximum Obsession), then you can look back more objectively and analyze what happened and why it happened and how it happened. This also applies to #10 above where I mention exploring yourself and learning from the situation. DO NOT DO THIS UNTIL YOU ARE OVER HER EITHER COMPLETELY OR MOSTLY.
- Try not to numb yourself with substances, drugs, or drinking. The pain is there for a reason to remind you that something is wrong. Pain is the greatest catalyst for change. Embrace it, feel it, breathe the pain into your heart, and let it move you forward into becoming your Ideal Self.