Protean's First Forty

Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
This day game journal will be a record of the first 40 approaches that I do to lay down the foundation of a long, successful career in pickup. AA has been a road block for me for years and this is how I'll learn to manage and defeat it.

Some background on me. I'm 5'10, black and have a slim build. I'd rate myself as a beginner in the world of seduction, but I'm not totally inexperienced with 3 lays and couple other close calls to my name. While I do enjoy sex, unbridled hedonism isn't what drives me. It isn't to have a show stopper girlfriend, or brag to my friends about how much I get laid either. I just want two things: 1.) absolute abundance and 2.) never having the feeling of watching a woman you're dying to talk to pass you by without doing anything. I don't have the former and I'm tired of feeling the latter so let's go.

The goal is to get to 40 approaches by 02/29/20. If I don't make it it, I will continue to update this thread until I do.
 

Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
To reach my goal I'll need to do 2-3 approaches a day (can only approach on weekdays). Today I did 2.

Approach #1 I posted here

Getting the next approach was much more difficult. I was able to blitz into the first approach as I had been mentally rearing myself to go all weekend for it. However once I sat through a class and spent a few hours studying all that momentum was gone. Had to build it back up again.

In the hour I set aside to get two approaches done, I went back to being a nervous wreck.

I'd throw a quick compliment at girls then exit the interaction to try get myself in rhythm, but man that does not work. Not doing that anymore, at least to girls that I'm genuinely interested in.

For instance, I complimented this absolute dime on her shoes, and she took it very well. I'm sure I could've gotten her number if went in there with the mind to properly approach. Never again...

I did manage to steel myself myself for a second approach. I was feeling down about pussyfooting things with the last aforementioned girl I just complimented and walked away from when I spotted another very attractive woman sitting a lounge area at my school. I sat at an adjacent desk then asked her to watch my stuff while I went to the bathroom. I genuinely had to go (really haha) and I planned on chatting her up when I returned.

Naturally, she then asks me to watch her things as she goes to the bathroom so I have to wait for her to come back. When she does, I get into some light conversation with her before saying I should let her get back to her work. I internally cringed at just letting the conversation end without doing something, so I resolved to at least ask her out before I left.

I must have sat there for about 10 minutes pretending to work until I finally packed up and asked her out on my way out.

She respectfully decline citing she getting over some trauma and wasn't ready to date. Was still another victory for me over my AA, and she seemed very happy that I found her attractive so it's all good. The only thing that annoyed me was being noticeably nervous which didn't help my chances. Need to tighten that up.

All in all a solid start, but just the first step.

Things to Improve:
  • Don't half ass approaches. When you walk up to a girl it's showtime
  • Calm your nerves when approaching. Don't tank your value by being noticeably nervous
  • Just approach. Rejection is not nearly as bad as AA makes it seem and any anxiety melts away when you're out there making things happen.

38 More Approaches
 
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Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
This class is boring as fuck. Figured I'd leave a mid day update

Two approaches so far. One away from my goal of three but I may redo the original one since it was so short.

Set an hour before this current class to go out and do approaches. The first approach was wearing a mustard top that I liked, but on the approach I saw her face and was turned off. Still went through with the opener but she had to turn off a minute later an left. Didn't even bother asking her out.

Then spent the next 40 minutes or so walking around campus. I was telling myself that the girls I was fixing to approach were either not my type or too hot for me. I wasn't really consciously thinking this but deep down that's why I was avoiding a lot of would be approaches.

I've gotta stomp out those mindsets. On the first point I NEED the reps. I have very little experience and need all the reference points I can get. On the second point I just need to approach hot girls. Nothing else will work. Once I see there no different from the girls I find more attainable I'll be in good shape for the future.

The second girl I approached was exactly my type an didn't intimidate me so I approached:

Me: Hey I saw you walking there and I just had to say I really like you glasses, I'm Protean.

Her: Thanks I'm [Name]

She had a really interesting name so I made a cheeky pun with it that she took well.

Me: So [Name] what are you up to today?

Her: Oh I'm just heading home from my classes.

Me: How many classes did you have? One? Two?

Her: I had three classes.

Me: Man [Name] you should have let me keep going! I was about to be right.

Her: [Laughs]

As usual right before we were about to split ways I asked if she was single. She said she wasn't though and I let her go.

Today my AA was far less severe. It slowed be down only a little bit which I'm really happy about. One hack I've been using --and this may sound a little cringy-- is tell myself I'm Tommy Shelby, the leading character of the show Peaky Blinders.

He's got tight fundamentals and excellent frame control so stepping into that roll has reduced my nervousness on approach.

Anyways looking to get one or more done after this class. It can't pass by soon enough.

36 More Approaches
 

Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
Rough day no approaches.

One could argue I had an excuse: I had an important test today, and my mind was fried after hitting the books. Yeah it wasn’t my fault right?

Wrong. Dead wrong.

One thing I’ve always been is incredibly self aware. It stems from being incredibly self critical -almost to the point of self hatred- from the time I was a boy. So I know that despite my long day and mental fatigue I fucked today up.

Six times I saw an attractive woman and prepared myself to approach and six times I overthought things.

Six fucking times.

Make no mistake this is unacceptable. Prior to this goal I set out for myself in this journal it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But now that this is a goal and focus of mine I cannot allow inaction to become a habit.

But enough complaining here’s what I’ll do tonight so that this never happens again:
  • Meditate before going out to approach. I already meditate in the morning, but as the day goes on and I get mentally fatigued it becomes harder to shut down my inner monologue.
  • Become more of an asshole. I don’t mean becoming a Scrooge to society, but rather stop allowing myself to be influenced by those around me. Thus far the fear of judgement has made me shrink from opportunities, act against my own interest to be accommodating, and more or less act in line with what is deemed “normal” social behavior. But I’m not seeking normalcy here. Becoming more of an asshole will help me rebel from that.
  • Do uncomfortable approaches. I’ve only gone into this picking off girls that I felt were “in my league” or where there wouldn’t be too many witnesses should I get rejected. Fuck that. The only way I’ll grow is if I really push the boundaries
So yeah that’s it. Looks like this journal will be about more than the approaches, but finally correcting my mindsets for success in game (and life in general).

I will climb this mountain guys. I will

36 more approaches
 

Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
Quick intraday update,

Looking back on my last post it was pretty dramatic, but I was pissed. I read the two articles below to start asshole transformation
  1. How to Be an Asshole - and Become Adored By Women
  2. The Genuine Man Part 1: The Arogant Man
Both articles were excellent and I highly recommend them. I also watched some videos of @Tony D doing daygame online which also helped me see what behaviors I was aspiring for.

Anyways fast forward to a few minutes ago. I was walking to the library from my first class when I passed by a girl who's exactly my type. She was going the opposite way but I quickly turned around to catch up to her. I get close for a few steps then pre-open her by tapping her on the upper arm

Me: Hey I saw you walking there, and I just had to come tell you, you have a stunning figure. I'm Bo

Her: Thank you! I'm [Name]

I proceed to make some light conversation here. I knew from earlier approaches not to get stuck in small talk, so I limited it to one small talk question before making the vibe more interesting/playful.

Me: So where are you headed [name].

Her: I'm just going to English.

Me: English you say? What's that like?

She talks about how its a hybrid class, but that it has a surprising amount of work.

Me: So besides grinding away in English, what do you like to do [name]?

Her: Oh I like going the the gym, watching Hulu and the like

Me: Ok then tell me [name] what's you're guilty pleasure on there?

We fun banter about her liking the Bachelor. She split off to go to class but I call her back to ask if she's single.

Me: Wait, [name] come over here. (She walks over) Are you single?

Her: Yeah I am.

Me: Then we should definitely hang out some time. What's your number.

I think I fumbled the ending here a bit. My voice betrayed some nervousness which even surprised me as I had zero trepidation about throughout the whole interaction, or even before the approach. Still I got her number. I'll text her later in the day and try to set something up for tomorrow afternoon.

Good start for today but I want to get at least 4 more approaches done. Anyways back to the academic grind for now.

35 Approaches Left
 
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Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
Ended up not doing anymore approaches today. Didn’t have as much time to approach and what few opportunities I did have I hesitated enough to let them slip away. It’s annoying, but I’m improving.

I think a problem I still have is thinking things over too much pre approach. In my one approach, I saw the girls and boom that was it. I took action.

But during the approaches I miss I over think things.

Luckily the fix is simple: Cut out the time between seeing a girl and moving to approach her. I can think of an approach as I’m walking up to her.

As for the earlier chick I sent an ice breaker text and haven’t hear back yet. Shame. She’s missing out.

Anyways tomorrow will be an interesting day. I still feel like I’m not pushing things full tilt. I’ve done 5 out of the 15 approaches I need to do to be in pace for my goal. So 10 approaches are needed tomorrow. I’ll go all out for it.
 

Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
No way I'll get to 10 approaches by the end of the day. I underestimated how much lower campus foot traffic is now compared to other days of the week. I'm still going where the girls are however: The library.

Went to the main campus library on campus. It's newly renovated and super fucking nice. I spot a really cute girl sitting down in one of our lounge chairs and occupy the seat next to her.

I let her observe me as I did some work for a minute. I'd love to say it was by design, but really I was just nervous as all hell. Really need to work on this.

Luckily she didn't move and I opened her indirectly:

Me: (Nudges her arm to get her attention) What's keeping you here on a Friday afternoon.

She laughs and explains that she's working on an assignment and a speech she's giving later to the campus's Young Democrats club. I deep dive her on this for a bit, then took the risk of talking politics to her.

I wasn't dumb enough to make in a ideological battle, but simply invited her to give her opinions of the candidates and who she thought would win on the Democratic side. Smart girl, but pretty wishy washy with her predictions so I teased her for it.

Later on in the conversation she mentioned not liking drama, which I laughed citing that all girls liked drama. She then admitted liking drama when it doesn't involve her. In a moment of quick wit I looped it back to the Democratic Primaries, joking that was the only reason she watched, and she quite enjoyed that.

At this point I had built up a lot of momentum in the library so I asked her to company me to a near by Starbucks which she agreed, despite nursing her own coffee already.

Not much more to talk about for the insta-date really to be honest.

The conversation turned to travel and how she was going to do study abroad in London, a city I'm familiar with, so we talked that.

But again I feel like I was coming across as a bit too friendly guys.

We did touch on one sexual thread where she complained about her roommate bringing guys back, and how one dude accidentally opened her door instead of her roommate's. I followed that up with a story of how I'd done that myself (a true story actually) and not to be too hard on the guy which she took well.

At the end of the insta-date she had to leave to deliver her speech, and I grabbed her number. There might be some potential, but we'll see.

As a last note, this is another experience where I tend to have a lot of success through indirect game. All my lays (all 3 lol) have come from social circle or indirect. I'm tempted to switch to that style of opening exclusively, but I feel like that would be dodging the problem of my AA. I've been doing most approaches directly and will continue to do so for this journal.

34 more Approaches
 

Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
Didn't end up having any other substantial interactions yesterday. No other library girls hooked and I wasn't about to mass approach for obvious reasons.

Looking back on this week I did 6 Approaches where:
  • 5 Hooked (including 1 insta-date)
  • 2 Gave me their numbers
  • 1 Of the numbers texted me back
While 6 approaches is far cry from the 15 I was aiming for it's still progress which I'm happy with. In one week of taking action I've learned more than I have in 5 years of reading and lurking. Not bad.

Next week I'm aiming for at least 10 approaches and will bump that up to 15 the following week.

Game wise, I'm going to be focusing on the hook phase more. Essentially my strategy involves approaching girls direct as they go about their days on campus. This means I don't have a lot of time to make a good impression and get her number. Getting these girls to hook harder will have more of them willingly give me their contact info and text me back when I reach out.

Another issue I'm dealing with is AA. While it's no where near as crippling as it was previously, I'm hesitating to approach girls I really like.

Lastly I haven't been good at improving my asshole vibe with girls or people in general. I'm more defiant internally, but I'm not expressing it. I'll set some small goals on this front to force myself to act out.

Here's the action I'm planning to take:
  1. Implement the 3 second rule for approaches. Any girl I'm really looking at must be approached within 3 seconds
  2. Throw in some speaker-centered pre-openers to (read about them in this article by @Teevster ) take the edge off of my direct approaches when necessary
  3. Build more intrigue by using baiting after the approach to emotionally stimulate girls fast
#1 will help me reach my approach targets and limit the effects of AA while #2 and #3 address tweaks I need to make on my approach.

If anyone has any tips I'm all ears

Can't wait for Monday.
 

Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
Super hectic week

Lots of stress from school with some summer internship interviews to boot. Had one this morning that went pretty well so hopeful that blossoms into nice gig for me.

As far as cold approaches are concerned it's been pretty anemic. I've just been super stressed with the chaos of the week and I've let far too many opportunities to approach pass me by. Heck I almost cracked mentally earlier in the week and posted in frustration. Many guys on that thread gave me some good advice and pointed me to some resources that have put me on the path towards healthier mindsets for me. Thanks to all who contributed.

It hasn't been all barren on the female front however. I flirted with some chicks at a campus career fair yesterday. Pretty short interactions for the most part but it showed me the value of getting social momentum. Socializing on high momentum is totally different. I need to find a way to there consistently.

Today I've only had time for one approach on this gorgeous Iranian foreign exchange student. She walked past me and I continued four or five paces before turning around to approach. It would have been terrible if I just let her go.

I can't recall the conversation word for word but I'm proud that I A.) turned around to approach, B.) persisted after a shaky opener (I stumbled over my words and she declined to take my hand when I offered it) and C.) turned her from turned off to hooked.

The only thing I wish I did was ask for her number. I don't think she would have given it to me, but what do I know? I'm still a scrub in this game so my predictions won't be accurate anyways.

As a whole I would say my struggle now isn't with the dealing with the fear to approach, but putting too much pressure to preform when it's time to approach. I'm also only approaching girls who I'm very very attracted to which means that I don't get as many reference points and that the pressure is even greater. I should just talk to more girls.
 

Protean

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
35
Looking back on last week my approach count was pretty lackluster. I did have a lot going on but there were shots with girls to approach that I passed on for one reason or another. Despite the disappointing approach output, mentally I don't know if I've felt this good ever. Yes really.

This forum got me onto CBT which I'd previously heard of, but never really explored. Self regulating my thoughts has dramatically improved my mood and alleviated many of the though patterns that I spoke about in this thread. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. Pick up and self improvement are nowt about getting the things that I want, not making up for some inherent deficiencies in my worth.

I also got into TRE thanks to @Carousel I've gone through the routine below and have seen huge decreases in my bodily tension and anxiety as whole:


Game wise I've been going through the old NextASF archives which are a goldmine. Glad a lot of the guys from over there are apart of this community as well. Most notably @Bacchus 's stuff on there is just really good. His content is not only very informative, but it gives me a goal to shoot for. I will get as good as him. Mark my words.

Lastly, I've meditated and figured out where the remaining anxiety to approach comes from: other people seeing me. I've been making approaches hoping and praying those around me don't see me fail.

And that's pretty stupid.

I've since bathed my brain in posts from here. I just want to get the message through my skull that nobody really thinks of me, people won't really care that I screwed up on an approach, and that choosing to adjust my choices to the whims of the thoughts of people around me is just silly. If I died right now none of those strangers would come to my funeral and thank me for not making them uncomfortable by going after what I want lol.

The goal for this week is at least 10 approaches again. Only did 3 approaches all of last week. That's not going to get it done. I want to get good. I really do. Time to put in the work to make that happen

- Protean
 

Carousel

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
230
It is really cool to hear that the therapy stack is working so well for you! Everybody else here who struggles with AA or general anxiety/depression should take notice, and more importantly, take action.
 

Glow

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
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Nov 11, 2019
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