The Charisma that Comes With Old Age

[Mr Mistah]

In a separate thread @Karea Ricardus D. talks about gaming in his 40s and how he is now more grounded because of the "gravitas you get with old age"

I'm in my 40s now, I ignore the fact and game as I did when I was late 20s (except I'm more solid now, that gravitas you get with age).

I have also heard girls talking about how they like older gents because of how grounded and self possesed they are. They move with a certain air of self awareness and sage like awareness of the ways of the world.

Basically, they move like people who know what the fuck they are about.

IIRC @Chase also mentioned how one of the hardest things to do is to compete for a woman with an older, experienced seducer because of (amongst other factors) the cool, calm, collected vibe they emit.

I want to know what this "magical air" that older men seem to have about them that younger guys don't is.

Can this air be mimicked/replicated in your youth?

I mean Chase already did numerous articles on how to be smooth, how to be unfazed and how to be cool.

I would assume that after putting in the necessary reps needed to hone in these 3 aspects of your vibe, you would ultimately master the cool, calm, self possesed vibe by let say 25/30 if you started early.

What would that entail? Is it about making your body language slower? Facial expressions of amused self mastery? Piercing eye contact?

How would you deconstruct this oler man vibe?

Better yet can you tell me what you see in young seducers that you don't see in older, more experienced seducers vibewise?

Assume that the young seducer is competent and not some bumbling idiot that still has their training wheels on when it comes to seduction.

Thanks

 

[Spyce D]

Bump

 

[DSR]

Unfortunately you won't know. It is the same like asking how our sun found its way to be our sun

 

[Derek da man]

I will give my opinion from my observations, that doesn't mean they are right but should give you some thoughts. I'm going to assume that you've sorted fundamentals and are okay with approaches - as you said you've got to a certain level in seduction.

A lot of articles talk about "doing less" so you don't set a try hard frame. I see most guys that seem to want to fill a conversation with lots words but actually has very little content that needs her to "think" and "feel" what you are talking about. Guys ask lost of questions from a stack and they speak fairly fast, probably due to nerves. When she answers the questions they jump right back in with their next question from their stack but they don't REALLY listen to the answer. Their next question isn't a "deeper dive" based on the previous answer looking for more insight or challenging the answer to give them a better understanding. After 3 or 4 questions that don't link it becomes quite a superficial conversation and the direction is clearly going towards a guys inability to listen to her which is what gives a girl a feeling of connection which she gets a thrill from as most guys don't connect. Remember that men get most stimulation visually whereas a girl gets it from feelings and the feeling of a connection is one of her greatest pleasures. Hence, if you don't connect you're going nowhere with her.

I've got to a stage where I'm comfortable with me, if I like you I'll spend my time, which is valuable to me, talking with you and enjoying you. I haven't got time to spend "trying" to chat a girl up. "This mind set" is where older mature guys make a difference in my view.

If she likes you, or is interested, she'll make that fairly clear very quickly in any interaction even if it's just a passing knock of the trolley in a supermarket. She will set an invitation for interaction, it may be as simple as a smile or connection of the eyes or the like, it will probably be sub-conscious and small, but it is an invitation. Again, this is where more mature/experience guys make a difference. They recognise these subtle signs and act on them. If she isn't receptive I don't waste time trying to change that, I just move on.

When I'm out with girls I ask open questions, speaking slowly and confidently with minimum of words needed to make my point. I don't dress things up with lots of fancy bits. As she responds I smile and nod to show I'm listening and I don't rush to jump in and reply. I wait to ensure she's finished speaking but also allowing her to feel a certain level of tension. There is an art to how much space you give her though as she could be quite nervous which then results in her talking to fill the space and so conversation becomes her babbling rather than having a deep conversation. I make sure I think about her answer and then asking a follow-up question(s) until either the conversation is done or an appropriate point to fractionate into another topic. Then latter I can bring the conversation back to this conversation to continue it if I want to. This is often the case with deeper personal topics such as sex or similar so she doesn't feel too much pressure for a long period as this can be quite a strain.

I try to keep a balance on conversation with her giving about 60% of the talk as people enjoy talking about themselves but when I do speak about myslelf I try to present things I've don't or speak about in a story context as she can feel what I'm talking about which adds to our connection.

Through the conversation I'm always following the basics of seduction by looking to progress things forward. I'm looking for compliance, her answering personal questions, moving her around and isolating etc. Being close to her, touching her and and caressing at appropriate moments. All these are fairly basic stuff that happens in the back-ground. The real "action" that needs to be worked on in the conversational aspect.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

You can replicate it but it's usually very hard to with 0 experiences.

But a good way to do is to have enough sexual abundance and experience. You'll notice how chill, laidback, self assured and non-needy you are. Nothing will give you a faster replication than this.

Now, the gravitas you speak of just comes from soaking up life experiences. It's like being in a gang or mafia. The older guys are usually more calm and collected than the hot headed all-over-the-place younger ones.

In summary, reading those articles while gaining as much experience in life and with women will help with that. Some mindset, inner game and outer game hacks can help too but if you want something consistent then rack up some experiences under your belt.

Also if you start early before 25 and hang around older guys often, you'll notice that gravitas and groundedness in you from around 25 - 27.

 

[DarkKnight]

What would that entail? Is it about making your body language slower? Facial expressions of amused self mastery? Piercing eye contact?

It is not about what you do, it is about what you have experienced in life and the wideness of your knowledge. Basically when you have seen it all. That is what brings coolness, you become less fazed, more sure about what to do and how to act in a situation and thus take the lead. And I guess unique experiences add up. I agree with Paulie but I want to say that this coolness is not just only game related but everything in life. Like a war veteran who was not broken by the war, he is going to have a different aura.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

It's just a lot of experience. Once you're north of 300 girls fucked you couldn't really give a shit about the ditz in front of you so she'll be very unlikely to throw you off your game in any significant way.

You'll also be very un-needy and leaned back, partially because you don't have that crazy "I have to have her" hormonal wrench in your brain anymore. Which of course has pros and cons.

And, of course you understand the game per se much better than she does, which is almost an unfair advantage. You understand life itself better than she does. It's much easier to be in an authority frame just because you know so much more and have experienced so much more.

Many advantages, all of them just come from experience.

I'll add that I sarged a 21 year old last night and she was really shocked when I said I'm in my 40s (she was a pawn not a target so I didn't care if she knows)... so it's not about "looking old".

 

[DarkKnight]

which is almost an unfair advantage.

Not as much of an unfair advantage as these broads blooming and receiving an army of orbitors, so I will not feel sorry for them

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Not as much of an unfair advantage as these broads blooming and receiving an army of orbitors, so I will not feel sorry for them

So true man. I've been thinking about this a lot again lately. It first really struck me like 20 years ago just how big of an unfair advantage this really is... if you're dating a girl, and you stop doing approaches because you have a lady, she pretty much immediately has the upper hand just by merit of still being in the game. You're out of the game cause you stopped approaching, but she didn't stop getting approached.

I think the only solution to this is TAF, i.e. being the leader of a big social circle and a social hub where many guys and girls are constantly circling in your life even while you're in a relationship, that way you have "orbiters" even as a guy, lots of girls who look up to you, see your status, hoping to hook up with you.

 

[DarkKnight]

if you're dating a girl, and you stop doing approaches because you have a lady, she pretty much immediately has the upper hand just by merit of still being in the game

Yeah they get approached nonstop so power dynamic can go wrong real fast. I also tend to keep my social circle very large and rotate environments so everywhere I have options and exposure. It is not even about being a big player, it is rather about not being powerless. The sexual market is chaotic whether we want to or not, so we need to protect ourselves.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Also if you start early before 25 and hang around older guys often, you'll notice that gravitas and groundedness in you from around 25 - 27.

+1 to this. No replacement for experience but you can shorten the curve to get it by just trying more & doing more.

E.g. I have a 30+friend who's always lived with his parents & he probably has as much older charm/gravitas as my 27 y/o friend who's owns his place or my other 26 y/o friend who left home at 15 & basically been travelling the world since.

TAF, i.e. being the leader of a big social circle and a social hub

I also tend to keep my social circle very large and rotate environments so everywhere I have options and exposure

Interesting points from you both.

Without de-railing the thread too much, curious to know why you both opt for large social circles route vs just run open relationships?

 

[DarkKnight]

open relationships?

I don't share

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Without de-railing the thread too much, curious to know why you both opt for large social circles route vs just run open relationships?

EDIT: yes, my post above about "she's still in the game, you're out of the game", was written in the context of monogamy. Open relationships I don't care her orbiters.

As for open relationships, that's just what I always did: MLTRs and FBs. But I've recently found that having a tribe also has many advantages, it's more attractive than a loner and it's easier to get a day2 for a group outing than a 1:1.

Also, at a 1:1 you're on a "date" which the default frame is you can now pursue her, whereas if you invite her into your turf into your social circle, it's like structuring an opportunity for her to pursue you.

I don't share

I'd be curious to hear how you set that up and frame it, if you'd be willing to make a thread about it. Chase is very good at this as well and has written about it as far as I know.

For me in the past I couldn't be assed trying to keep girls in a monogamous frame that I'm seeing only very casually, leave alone enforcing it... but I'd be curious to hear more.

 

[Conquistador]

I don't share

How viable is it, if she’s bi or bi-curious, to agree that you can both do other girls, but no guys? Or was this just a pipe dream from back when Surveyor was even more clueless than now?

 

[DarkKnight]

Or was this just a pipe dream from back when Surveyor was even more clueless than now

Bro it is as viable as you accept it, I simply will not share. Fucking a girl sporadically sure, but any type of relationship or commitment then sharing is off the table. Her opinion on the matter is irrelevant, I do not need all girls.

 

[DarkKnight]

, if you'd be willing to make a thread about it. Chase is very good at this as well and has written about it as far as I know.

No special tech with this, I know what you mean with articles of Chase about this. For me it is simply my boundaries. I am not into the swinger lifestyle, fucking a girl attached to some guy who is not married or with children, sure if she wants too. But if she wants any kind of attachment to me, then sharing is off the table. If a girl does not agree, she is not attachment material.

Flexibility in order to seduce is a great thing but sometimes puas are too flexible which I believe works against them. I catch the boards usually divided between Pua and regular guy who just wants more options and higher abundance, I am the second. I believe this is where most of us differ in persistence and lenience.

 

[Lantern]

To give my view of the OP's questions: I don't think you can replicate it, but it can come earlier then typical if you have a full life as a young man.

Because I think this gravitas comes from failures. Failures, which are followed by growth.

When you're business goes almost bankrupt, but you pull through and a year later are making great money; when you're LTR ends horribly and you feel for months you're in an emotional abyss, but you come out of it stronger and more attractive; when you spend years batting a medical condition and you beat it, etc. You come to this point of realization that you can handle the shit punches life throws at you and come out not just ok, but better and stronger. This feeling gets into your bones and and eventually starts to ooze out to the people around you, who find themselves feeling calmer and more relaxed (and able therefore to be themselves more), because you have this "whatever comes, I'll handle it" demeanor.

And the kind of people who write on this board, who are curious and growth-oriented, by sheer statistics by the time they reach 40 or so have had their shares of shit sandwiches, have grown stronger from them, and find that it takes so much less work to seduce a girl.

Chicks dig scars, man.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

But if she wants any kind of attachment to me, then sharing is off the table. If a girl does not agree, she is not attachment material.

So when you said "I don't share" this is in the context of... what status does she have? GF, MLTR, or FB?
In other words, she's still sharing you?