The Ladykiller Chronicles

Kvothe

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Went out with the goal of approaching yesterday, but was ultimately incapable of doing so. AA was extremely strong. Have done TRE these last three days, so will continue going out, with a focus on doing a few days of mass approaching to build up the go for it muscle.

Today, only did one approach worth mentioning.


#1

I'm wearing light blue jeans with a white linen shirt, and black zipper chelseas. I notice a girl standing outside one of my favorite bars, one that I'm considering going into. I walk over, and look into the bar's lobby, there are signs saying it's closed for a private event. I stand, take out my phone, and pretend to look over it.

The girl is dressed in light pants, and a tight fitting top. Blonde, very attractive.

I open with a question, "Do you know how the vibe is here on Tuesdays?" and transition it into something more, intending to pace the feeling of want to go somewhere and not having it occur, but it's very uncalibrated, and does not come off as smooth. Then it's a large amount of small talk, and very boring and uninteresting.

I think a better option here, would have been to start with interest bait.

Me: Do you know what I find... fascinating (slowly turn head to her on the last word)
Her: No, what?
Me: Have you ever noticed... how as the days get shorter, and it becomes dark faster... that the energy in the city... is almost amplified? As if the people are fighting to keep the dark... and gloom, at bay
Her: That's true, I think
Me: The way you say that... makes me think you... might not be from around here (said with a rueful/playful tonality)
Her: No haha, I'm from San Francisco
Me: I get that vibe from you... You actually seem to pay attention to the things... and the people... that intrigue you. A lot of people, once they've lived somewhere for a while, lose this sense of wonder that traveling can give you. Does that make sense?

Already we can see how much more interesting, and intriguing I could have made myself. I look amazing right now, fitter than ever, and more toned than before (though I still have ways to go in building my physique).

Despite my non-stellar opening, and conversation, I could see her shift her positioning to give me more attention, and her pupils were quite dilated as we talked.

While I do beat myself up over this, I need to remain positive and note that my biggest issue after a break is AA, and that in this case, doing approaches and building that momentum is important, so I have to view this as a victory in and of itself.



Instadate girl with a boyfriend has been texting me with fairly high amounts of investment/excitement, and hopefully I will meet her tomorrow.
 

Kvothe

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2 approaches today.

Still AA, and bad vibe/voice, but feeling more social engagement levels. I need to project my voice more confidently, and keep in mind the meta-frame of me being the prize. Additionally I've noted some bad habits.

I move my head around too much while walking. I also spend too much time deliberating on who to compare a person to. To the first issue, I need to drill into me that I must keep my head straight and still, and as soon as I go to move my head-THAT'S when I have to open. No hesitation, no pauses. Just a wry smile and an intriguing opener. I've also started researching more actresses, so that I don't have to think so much. I'm hoping to build the spectrum of female faces so that I can knowingly apply an actress to a person without needing to spend so much time thinking.

I also wait far too long before opening. I need to be crisper and faster when in this situation in order to make it smoother and more natural.

Voice projection the issue is timidity holding me back. I need to be fully, 100%, unashamed and unabashed.
 
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Kvothe

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Quick note today:

Once you’ve walked past her, let her soak your presence for moments (3-5 seconds) then open, otherwise it will become awkward. This is what has been pointed out to me and what I need to start making adjustments on.
 

Kvothe

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Went out with friends for the night.

I don't know why, but my mood is in an extremely depressed state right now. It's strange because I've been going through an amazing winning streak in all aspects of life right now. I'm fit, my work is giving me more and more responsibility with ample opportunity to advance, I'm winning competitions with friends.

Tonight I had one great interaction with a girl, and a great lead as a girl basically told me to open her. And yet, I feel hollow.

Need to diagnose where these feelings are coming from-are they a symptom of having too many people I'm close to affecting my ego and societal conformation? Or is it an internal thing that requires lifestyle changes to fix?

 
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fog

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the issue is related to sexual frame as opposed to social frame-at least with regards to girls not replying to my initial message. This is part of the reason I think my direct game days led to more dates, as the frame of man-to-women is set on the first few words, though you lose out on your own power. Hence my desire to switch to indirect, but resulting in a loss of that man-to-woman sexual frame. Curious on your thoughts here as well.

Whether its social frame or sexual frame causing this hiccup [or both!], the underlying issue is lack of framing, so you will benefit from setting more frames overall.

What indirect sexual frames have you added in, or are considering adding in, to replace the M2W frame?

Let me outline my texting guide that I've followed so far.

And after looking at how Todd V texts (after receiving information from a wing that my texts appear needy), switched to this (same time interval):

Me: Hey X it's Kvothe

If I were a girl getting that text 45 minutes later from a guy I met who I really liked, I'd be......

.....disappointed.

It's formal, anti-climatic, and boring. I would say, save it for the sets where you were both apathetic about each other. But even then..... if both of you weren't digging it, theres little purpose in exchanging numbers.

Take numbers from girls where its clear you like each other, and text them something personable and warm instantly:
FOG: hi HB super nice to meet you :) - fog
HB: super nice to meet you too fog :)

Now onto your follow up from the icebreaker:
Since I usually day game in the evenings, I would send another message the next day, usually around 10:30-11AM, with some question/follow up based on whatever we had talked about the evening before.

You've got the right idea to follow up your icebreaker text with a topic based off of whatever you had talked about in-person.

However, that topic should not be something boring like chores and studying as you did directly below....that will make her panties dryer than the saharan desert.

Saturday
Me: (On insta-date) Kvothe
Me: (2 hours post insta-date @ 5PM): Were you able to get any studying done before dinner? ;)
Her: (@9:19PM): Unfortunately I did not
Her: (@9:19PM): But I did walk around a lot and it was great

Sunday
Me: (@4:50PM): An excellent way to whet the appetite
Me: (@4:50PM): So "present you" was left to take care of all the chores "past you" ignored today haha?
Her: (@5:35PM): yeah ig (I guess) but I got some stuff done today
Me: (@6:43PM): Wish I could say the same... sleep deprivation is a killer lol

Ideally, recall the high point or something meaningful she had told you about herself, and continue along the same lines. Like so:

FRIDAY
FOG:
super nice to meet you HB :) - fog
HB: likewise :) you'll have to lmk if you think of the person with the vibe, im curious now
SATURDAY
FOG:
HB, do you know what i've just realized?
HB: what have you realized??
FOG: ok so remember how we were talking about....how you had quit social media?
HB: yes i do recall that conversation
FOG: oh thank goodness. well i dont think you told me exactly what drove you to quit (normally i could guess but with you i have no idea!)
HB: Part of it was bc I just couldn’t handle seeing more and more bad news day after day….ive gotten so accustomed to it at this point I never really realized how much negativity it can bring into life. Also just sick of how fake everything is on the internet, and it started feeling really pointless + I had no interest anymore.
HB: i also learned that spending 2 hours a day on ur phone is the equivalent of losing an entire month of the year so realizing that was the final tipping point, just felt like there were better things I could find to fill my time
HB: What do u think about it? Id be intrigued to hear your thoughts about social media and the internet and such

If you can't think of a high point or something meaningful to her, then you need to go back and work on creating those moments to bring up later down the line in your texting.
 
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Kvothe

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Thanks @fog, appreciate the advice and will try to use it going forward.

Did two seated opens yesterday. Main thing I need to fix is that I need to talk less in the beginning. I talk too much, but also interrupt a girl responding to me to continue talking. It's important to remember it's a conversation.

Will be going out again this week and hopefully to enjoy Halloweekend.

Was in the shower and was thinking about a gambit I'm trying to come up with. I've been reading My Secret Garden, by Nancy Friday, and I think it can be weaved into a conversation to do a lot of good things.



Start off with a weasel phrase, introducing a conversation you had with a female friend, where she tells you about this book she's been reading. I'm not sure if this falls into the realm of proxies, but it seems low risk since you aren't actually discussing her own sexuality, you're discussing a wider group of female sexuality.

There's also a little bit of intrigue and making her work to hear about the book in question.

Me: I was talking with a friend recently, and she recommended a books she's found fascinating.
Her: Oh, what is it about?
Me: It's a little bit risque of a topic, is that okay?
Her: Sure!
Me: She recommended me this book, it's called "My Secret Garden" by a feminist author in the 50s or so. The book is basically an in depth look into female sexuality and female sexual fantasies. My friend said it was extremely incisive.
Her: Really?
Me: The author apparently reached out to various women, across the spectrum of society, and asked them to share their sexual fantasies anonymously with her. Many did, and the author was apparently able to group them into different archetypes and genres. Do you know the most interesting thing my friend said about the book though?
The above gives a way that I think should allow the transition to a good subject, without running into resistance along the way.

From here, we can go into something juicier, and talk about women's sexuality and how women aren't allowed by society to be sexual. And then contrast ourselves against men while discussing the Madonna-Whore complex.

Her: What?
Me: She was describing the reaction some of these women had when asked by the author, and a huge portion of the women mentioned how they had never told a soul about any of their fantasies-as far as their partners, their friends, and society was concerned, they were pristine, asexual angels. But the fantasies they shared showed that that image they put up was completely and utterly false. What was even more interesting was that the women who did feel comfortable with the people they were with, with the partners who allowed them to feel liberated, to feel unapologetically sexual... who accepted them and knew that this is how a woman's sexuality is... with them, they were able to let themselves go in this moment, to lose themselves in these feelings and the pleasure with a non-judgmental partner.
Her: That makes a lot of sense.
Me: My friend told me she felt the author had really identified something that she felt a lot of men she's met are guilty of. She'll go out on a date with a guy like that for dinner and while she may like a guy, she feels like she has to keep her sensual side guarded and protected, if he might judge her for showing it. Such a sad thing to feel you have to hide, really. And then she also told me when she goes out to a bar at night, all of a sudden it's like she's being treated like a piece of meat, with those same guys groping at her and being boorish. It sometimes feels difficult to win in that situation, doesn't it?
Her: Yeah, I totally get that, it sucks when it happens.
Me: She felt that it kind of explained why the women in the book, who had partners who understood and appreciated women's sexuality, sounded so much happier than the women who had to hide that side of themselves from the people around them.
So I think this above section should do a lot of things to let a woman feel allowed to be sexual with you, and is doing it covertly, since the conversation is still about a discussion you've had with a friend (and the friend had brought it up to you).

I think it should be possible to move this into discretion frames/secret society as well, or perhaps just switching topics to fractionate at this point too.

Maybe a simple comment to finish off the conversation like below:

Me: You know what I find funny about the last thing my friend said?
Her: What?
Me: Apparently, even the women who had accepting and open partners, kept their sexuality and openness hidden from society at large. And for that matter, so did the partners. This secret that they shared, this mutual understanding between the two of them, allowed them to experience something with each other that's a rare occurrence for most people in society.
Me: What about you though, has anyone suggested anything interesting to read recently?
 

Kvothe

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Still AA.

Yesterday did 1 "open". But due to lack of momentum, and overall fear-not really much results.

I was standing in line to enter a Halloween store, and I notice a girl next to me (I suppose she either entered my awareness radius, or she had just gotten in line too).

I hesitate, and glance over, then glance back down. The line moves a bit, and then I glance back and open.

Me: You also procrastinated on a costume?

Now I don't actually think that was a bad opener, but I had terrible follow up, like grasping for straws.

How it should have gone:

I should stand in line, standing out to the sidewalk, while on my phone. I use my peripherals and notice the girl enter my awareness radius. I don't glance, nor do I hesitate. But I wait a moment to let my presence grow a little, while still staring at my phone, and then I open.

Me: You also procrastinated on a costume?
Her: Kind of, I didn't expect the store to be this crowded four days before Halloween
Me: Haha, I get that. It's an exciting time for everyone I think... Have you ever noticed what makes Halloween a singularly unique holiday?
Her: What?
Me: I always notice that people seem different than their usual selves on Halloween... more expressive, more... free
Her: <Response>
...
Me: I think it's the masks and the costumes... When you were a kid, did you ever dress up as someone and put on a completely different personality... pretending to be someone else-maybe someone you admired, or someone you really wanted to be?
Her: Of course!
Me: I think Halloween is the adult version of that. All of those people with mundane, routine-based lives get one weekend a year to put all that away, and dress up-playing the role of someone else-maybe just for fun, but also maybe to try out being something new or different or refreshing. It's a liberating feeling, don't you think?
 

Kvothe

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Main thing I learned from Halloweekend is that I need to improve my social momentum a lot. Additionally that my current sticking point (in nightgame anyway) is immersion. Even when I open, I get the girl's attention for a few moments, but am unable to capitalize on that. It's quite bad as I notice a large number of looks in my direction, and if I seized on them faster, and better immersed the girls I opened, I'm fairly certain my sex life would be much transformed.


 

Kvothe

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Going to be out of the game most likely until the end of the year. Trips to people at higher risks from COVID mean I want to quarantine for their safety.

Will mainly focus on Riker and TRE in the interim.

Have some big plans coming up for 2022.
 

Kvothe

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After a fairly longer pause than I had intended, I'm happy to say I've returned.

A quick little snippet of what I've been up to:

If you want to know the truth of who you are, walk until not a person knows your name. Travel is the great leveler, the great teacher, bitter as medicine, crueler than mirror-glass. A long stretch of road will teach you more about yourself than a hundred years of quiet introspection.

—Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

I've gone and ventured out from the security, safety, and comfort of close friends and easy acquaintances in NYC. I'm in Miami now, here for a few months to work, and game. I'm by myself, with no obligations, and I am beyond excited. The city is fresh and new. The people attractive, warm, and so, so, novel. Being by myself has its fears to overcome, tribulations to deal with, but I will know more of the truth of who I am by the end of it.
 

Kvothe

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1/22/22

Joined an approach by a friend and hopped onto the cuter blond girl. Verbals were good, and she was actively touching me. Wing was not particularly helpful. Main issues were that he did not focus on his girl, and was instead trying to engage the group after we had already gotten buy in. Additionally, there was a mistake on my part by not moving the girls. I should have, since I got an window to do so when my girl commented on how we were getting pushed around by the crowd. In retrospect, this was a clear escalation window, verbalized.
 

Kvothe

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1/28/22

Went out last night to Wynwood. It was an exercise in social momentum, and just talking and bringing my own macro state up. On that metric, I succeeded, and was able to go out and talk to a wide variety of people. Conversation quality however, was not so good. Main issue felt like uncalibration to the venue. Miami is a party city, and so not all of my daygame tech will work the same. I have to move a little faster, be more aggressive, and push through interactions more. Hooking, isolating, etc. I didn’t try to isolate any girl yesterday. Isolation tactics are something I should brush up on.

To-do: Read up on isolation
 

Kvothe

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1/29/22

#1 Girl walking
Did a good approach, where I walked past her, and peripherally noticed her glance at me at which point I opened without hesitation. Did not get her to stop though. Conversation felt stilted but more out of rust than ineptitude. I did try to isolate and go for insta-date though.

#2 German Girl
Saw her standing at a bus stop. I pulled up near her and asked when the bus was coming. I should have been more deliberate in the positioning. I dallied on the side before actually standing at a position next to her. From there, I asked about her accent (German), and then dived a little deep into her traveling escapades recently. She is leaving tomorrow. I think the issue here was me talking too much, and not letting her talk. I need to spend less time talking and focus on eliciting the feelings that will lead to stimulation so that she can persuade herself to skip her plans to get a coffee with me instead. I think this is a girl who I could have pulled away from her plans, but I just wasn’t able to excite and immerse her enough.

Another thing I could have worked on was qualifying. Had I made the interaction more qualifying/leading, I think it would have helped the cause as well.

To-do: Read up on elicitation, immersion
 

Kvothe

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1/30/22

Practice goals: labels (it seems/sounds/looks like…) and mirrors (repeat last 3 words)

#1 Walking
First approach of the day. Argentinian girl. Timing was good, opened very quickly after crossing past her. Simple conversation, with a strong RPO related to multiple senses (wind and warmth, with energy from outside). However I struggled to really elicit stuff using labels and mirrors, though I did use them in the set. I went into a few gambits, and was not too bad with them. Overall, a good warmup set. Girl stopped and then started moving. Attempted to go for the insta-date but it didn't work out. Think comfort, intrigue, and compliance were too low for it. Also didn’t use an open loop well.

#2 Older Tourist
Same approach as above, but better delivery on RPO. Utilized contrast between peaceful wind and warmth against the aggressive music blasting from the bars and clubs. Walked and talked, and then set an open loop before going for an insta-date which was successful. Main thing missing here was sexualization subtly. Voice was sexual at moments, but into the conversation they got lost as I lost attraction for the girl. Too old and the face didn’t really do it for me. But it was great practice on conversation and making it fun, and energizing.

#3 Maria
Saw her standing and waiting as I was walking. I asked an innocuous question before building a more intriguing picture of myself. She took the bait, and gave me her full attention. We built a strong bubble, and I was doing a good job getting her to share more and more of her personality, while revealing little about myself. My descriptions of myself were more mysterious, which was good. She asked for my name, and at some point realized she had to go, and suggested giving me her number. The main screw up was here (albeit small) in that I think I came off too needy while grabbing the number. I should have been more aloof, and made it more casual. Talk less here, and just be normal, if the girl is in a rush.

Addendum to the above: This ended up going nowhere, which is quite sad because the girl was quite into me initially over text. My own bad decisions here, coupled with incorrectly setting up curiosity baits via text cost me a text with a Peruvian model. Very annoying.

TODO: continue practicing with labels/mirrors
 

Kvothe

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1/31/22

Nothing too useful to report. Miami Monday evening daygame options were slim-to-none. I did two approaches, but my voice was extremely off. Need to continue doing voice practice.

Think I’ll set a schedule of going out as follows:

M: Start work early, do daygame from 3/4ish until 6ish, theory in evening
T: Start work early, do daygame from 3/4ish until 6ish, TRE/meditate in evening
W: Monday repeat, but reflect towards future week instead of past week
Th: Evening day game, nap, brief nightgame in SoBe
F: No afternoon daygame, nap after work, nightgame in downtown Miami
S: Afternoon daygame, nap in evening, night game in downtown Miami
Su: workout, Afternoon-evening daygame, sleep early
 

Kvothe

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2/1/22

#1 Rollerblader
Saw this girl rollerblading around. She had eventually stopped along the beach, and was sitting down. I sat down next to her. I hesitated, and took too long to actually open.

“Hey, can I ask you an important question?”

“Sure?”

“Do you ever get the feeling that living here… can completely spoil a person?”

And then she goes into her own thread about how Miami is a place where people can be themselves and non-judgemental. All good frames. She is in a rush though, so I do suggest grabbing a drink on the beach sometime, and we exchange numbers.

Addendum-number didn't go anywhere.

#2 Marcy Runkle
I saw this girl wearing a red bikini with a fishnet covering on top of her. She was leaning over a sign with some information about the historic spot. I open pretty trivially about whether it’s interesting or not. She tells me to read it then asks what I think. I tell her it’s cool, and ask her if she works here just to let people know about the sign. She says yes, and that she also is part-time waiting for her friend. I tease a bit about this answer. Then some quick intro questions as we exchange some back and forth. I cut a thread where she is about to tell me about places she’s been to, since I think that’s a good spot to set up a date invite. I tell her we should grab some drinks at the beach later in the day, and the girl seems enthusiastic. She gives me her name and phone number, and urges me to call her on the spot.

I think the issue which caused my date to fail was that when I called her later in the day, I was not warm enough or teasing enough. I should have been more playful when confirming that we were on for that date.

TO-PRACTICE: TEXTING SOCIAL FRAME, and WARMTH ON PHONE CALLS
 

Kvothe

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2/2/22

To-Focus: Labels/Mirrors + What frames are being set (Post approaching activity)

#1 Rando on Beach
Mostly a warm up approach

#2 HBWillow
 
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Kvothe

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2/4/22

Need to read up on group set approaching. Also the bars in SoBe are not the best. Good daygame, bad nightgame.
 

Kvothe

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2/5/22

#1 Colombian
Difficult set because she didn’t speak much english. Attraction was there though. She was only in town for two days though, with her old mother and a best friend. She was also here to run a marathon. Very difficult logistics.

#2 AttentionSeeking PartyGirl?
Initially I approached a different girl who was sitting down and seemed more open. Just asked her to watch my stuff. Came back and we talked a bit. She was receptive and asking me questions. She does have a boyfriend who's professional boxer though. Another girl chimes into the conversation and joins, and it ends up being a conversation between the two girls, with me chiming in here and there. Eventually the first girl leaves, and I ask the other girl to watch myself (I think I may have accidentally come across as rude in the ask). At this point a different guy jumps into the conversation, which means maybe I should have not moved. Also, the space between the two of us was not good-I couldn’t think of a savvy way to get her to move since she was laying down, and I was also sitting, so moving my towel a bit while I walked to touch the water seemed good.
I came back and she and the guy are in pretty solid, but superficial and not very interesting conversation. They eventually stop talking, and I start talking with the girl about SOTs. I qualify her as being cool, then asking if she’s also spontaneous. She does say she is. Perhaps I should make my qualifiers more intent-ful. She talks about how she’s in town for two months, from NYC, and goes to my gym here in Miami. She works in some marketing field in the WTC, and is turning 24 in a few days. She doesn’t work too much, and seems like a party girl-she frequently seems to be close to celebrities, and has lots of messages constantly asking her to come out. I act mostly disinterested in this, but it also sucked because there were not really logistics to do anything now, and an insta-date would have been best for this girl. Her parents are visiting town though, and she is spending time with them.
She does mention I seem like I’ve traveled through European cities. I think I could have behaved more aloof. The conversation just didn’t have a spark to it is the main issue. It also lacked fun, and energy. I need to work on voice tonation and eliciting here to do better.
 

Kvothe

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2/10/22

 
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