The Postgrad Life

[Kvothe]

Previous journal: https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/kvothe’s-journal.15673/

So yesterday I approached one girl and told her I thought she was cute. The world didn’t end which was nice. She seemed to like me but was on her way to work. Should have walked with her.

Today I gave a compliment to a girl. She said thanks and smiled but walked faster ahead.

At least I was decisive and didn’t think myself out of it. But I have been doing that too much. I feel like I’m not playing to win so I have to change that. I’m being so timid because I expect the girl to go crazy on me. Also have to increase my numbers.

 

[Kvothe]

Setting some goals for tomorrow: Talk to three girls on the way to work, and talk to 5 girls in total during the day/night.

 

[Kvothe]

So talked to two girls in the morning, and three girls on the way back. Pretty happy I was able to meet a number goal.

So the first girl I opened, I told her I thought she was stylish. She looked me over, and had an expression like "why is this guy talking to me". Based off the other interactions, I think the style choice I went with today was not a good one. Blue jeans, black desert boots, grey t-shirt, with a brown/dark-brown leather jacket over it.

Second approach went better. I can't remember exactly what I said, so I'm thinking that maybe I wasn't present enough, so maybe the approach came off as insincere.

Third approach was after work. Saw a black girl with an amazing body. Went up to her, and gave her a sincere compliment, telling her that I thought she looked stunning. She seemed happy with the compliment, but neutral, slightly inclined towards disinterested. I definitely think my style was off, and that my voice was not as chesty as it should have been. She was playing pokemon go, which I should have utilized better since I know the game well and have played it a lot. Would have been a solid connection move. Couldn't get past small talk or get her to hook. I think part of it is that I'm still rusty, so I need to just keep at it.

Fourth girl was probably the best conversation. Told the girl I liked her style, which I did. She seemed happy. We talked, she had an Albanian name. At the end of the block she says that it was nice to meet me, so I think she was just being polite the entire time. Ah well, will improve tomorrow.

Fifth approach was a girl in a white dress. Told her she looked really elegant in it. She was happy about the compliment, but immediately moved forward and left.

So I think I need to be more authoritative with my approaches, and stop and stand still. That might bring some unconscious investment on her part if she stops with me. Other things to focus on are making the conversation more light and fun, and less small talk and boring. Also will keep this style choice in mind. I think I look best in dress shirts on contrasting color pants.

Overall, very happy with today since I proved that I could approach. I've been feeling super down the last week because I haven't been able to get myself to approach. I think for me the first approach of the day is just absurdly difficult, mentally. After that I have a much easier time.

 

[Kvothe]

Another happy day.

So I only approached 4 girls (on the way back from home, none on the way to). The first two were girls I just gave compliments to, and then they walked off. I was thinking to myself and I realized that my vibe was probably off. I was not feeling very good inside, so that was probably coming across in how I spoke. As a result of not feeling good, I wasn't being bold, and I was just letting the girl leave the conversation instead of actively leading it.

So I was walking and I saw a girl I really liked. Face was okay, but she was wearing a low cut top, and I'm a real sucker for that. I tried approaching her, but she ran into a friend, so I pretended to veer off. She then walked into a food place and I was about to call it quits, but decided to just wait to see if she was just picking something up, which she was. I told her I really liked her style and that I thought she looked beautiful in her outfit, and then I introduced myself. She seemed happy. I tried talking a little, but she wasn't giving anything back, I should try to be more warm, and make the conversation more light. But she said she had a boyfriend too, so maybe that's why she didn't hook.

The last girl I walked next to her and told her I thought she was cute. I introduced myself, and we started talking. This went a lot smoother, but I need to focus more on my voice. It still isn't where I want it to be. But we had a nice conversation. Didn't flirt as much as I would have liked. But at the end I asked if she wanted to grab a coffee and she said yes. So she gave me her number. I sent her a text saying: "Hey ______! Great to meet you today-save my number -Kvothe". She hasn't replied to that, but she has a high school friend visiting, so maybe she is just busy. Either way, I'll text her again on Wednesday and see if she'll reply then. Regardless of the outcome, I still feel really good since this is one step above just approaching. I can feel my comfort increasing and I know it's only a matter of time until I'm back where I was at the end of last summer.

 

[Kvothe]

So annoyed with myself for the last few days. Haven’t done any approaches. Not going to let myself come home tomorrow unless I approach 5 girls.

In happier news, the girl whose number I got responded to me a few days late. Glad I didn’t hit her up again. She seems busy and told me as much when I met her. Going to send her a text on Thursday to try and plan something.

Also noticed more glances coming my way. I’ve lost a few pounds since coming here, and my blow dryer came so I can style my hair. Got to start capitalizing on it now.

 

[Kvothe]

So failed miserably at that yesterday. Couldn’t work up the nerve to talk to anyone.

Today went out and managed to talk to 3. First one I stuttered out like a child searching for his mommy. Second one was better, went up and gave a compliment. She seemed receptive and British but her voice sounded old to me and I have no idea nor excuse for why I exited that. Last one was this Swedish girl. She seemed very positive to my compliment (I’m finding that telling girls that I think they are cute works best for me, but small sample size). Fairly close to the beginning she tells me she has a boyfriend, but I genuinely like her personality so I keep talking to her. We have a solid conversation and I think I deep dive well while exuding positive energy. She seemed to like me but I’m not going to try anything as long a boyfriend is in the picture. We swapped contact info and she seems down to meet and introduce me to her Swedish friends (also I officially love Swedish girls, she’s the first one I’ve met). I texted her and intro and she texted back saying I brightened up her walk home.

I think it’s going to take a lot of effort every day to find my testicles again. Onward.

 

[foggy]

yo dawg you in NYC?

you down to daygame if i come visit?

 

[Kvothe]

Very miffed at dating apps. Had one match on tinder where the girl and I seemed to get along and we had set a date to grab coffee, but she unmatched me last night and I don’t know why. Same thing happened on bumble with a different girl. Clearly something about my online game is not good.

Approached two girls yesterday, first one I should have kept going because I think I could have. But I exited after complimenting. I really need to stop doing that. Second one I tried talking but the girl put the headphones back in while I tried talking to her.

At night I went to a friends party but all the girls were married. Made some friends though.

It’s the weekend so hopefully I can do some massive amounts of approaching. Also going to get a gym membership because I really need to improve my fundamentals.

I also need to lower my standards. I’m using the girl not being amazingly attractive as an excuse to not appear girls who are just cute.

 

[Kvothe]

Worked out today, and then spent a few hours walking around the city. Only managed to approach 4 girls. As per usual, I couldn't get myself to keep a conversation going. I need to figure out how to hook girls, and how to get rid of this anxiety. Also a lot of the girls here seem to go in pairs, which I haven't figured out how to approach. On the bright side, had one decently long conversation with a girl. Didn't go for the number, since I wasn't feeling the vibe.

Also, all the girls I'm approaching seem a lot older than me. I feel that it's partly because I can't tell people's age, so I'm really scared of going up to someone younger than 18. Also for some reason, girls in college just seem scarier to approach (maybe because I have a latent fear of a damaged reputation, even though I don't go to college anymore). Either way, need to get over it.

First girl, I gave a compliment and that was it. Second girl was extremely negative to my compliment, in the behavior and tone, even though she said thanks. Third girl I talked to for a few blocks, but the feeling wasn't there. Last girl said she wasn't interested right off the bat of me giving a compliment.

I'm thinking the fashion choice I made today wasn't the best. I definitely need to improve fashion fundamentals and increase the amount of muscle. Right now I'm trying to lose some of my excess fat, but still going to lift and try to eat the right balance to lose fat and gain muscle at the same time.

The things I'm going to focus on for the next few outings are assuming attraction, and hooking. I have got to start engaging in longer conversations. Part of that will be from assuming attraction and that the girl will want to meet me.

 

[Kvothe]

I went out by myself tonight for about an hour. Opened one girl on the roof indirectly by asking about the roof. She was very touchy with me, and she was fairly attractive, though much older than me. I was good with touch, which I usually am when a girl reacts positively to me. There were a couple of windows where I could have inserted some sexual innuendo but I couldn’t think of anything/didn’t have the balls to say. She went to the bar and kind of stroked my chest in a cat-like fashion. I should have asked her to buy me a drink, it would have been a huge compliance boost and would have planted her in the chasing frame. Didn’t think of it fast enough.

Me not being one for waiting on a girl, I walked around a bit. I locked eyes with this one girl and opened her group. It was super erratic and a bad open overall, but I think I recovered well enough. They all were saying they were strippers which I assume was a joke based on their behavior so I made some jokes about me being a terrible stripper.

I’m noticing that I do better with older girls, which is bumming me out because I really do want to get girls who are closer to my age. Will keep trying.

The validation is always appreciated though.

 

[Kvothe]

So I've been watching a lot of day game videos plus GirlsChase videos. And the state I'm in currently is that I really want this. That's good, because I feel like my wanting of it has gone down because of the year I spent away from everything. Getting back into the game has been difficult.

The goals I'm setting for myself this week are as follows:
1) Assume attraction and brace for success. I've realized that a lot of my approaches have probably failed because I'm internally bracing for failure. That cannot happen anymore, and the solution is to assume attraction, and be more authoritative.
2) Approach more. I have to reach the point where I meet 10 new women a day. I was watching Daniel Blake, and he correctly pointed out that some guys (like me) go out for hours and only talk to 4 girls. He calls it a gay walk. No more gay walks for me.
3) Be more flirty and fun. Smile more, laugh more, and take things less seriously. If it's not a big deal to me, then it won't be a big deal to her.

If I can successfully and intelligently work on these, I think I'll see a huge difference in my results this week. I'm also going to start working from home from coffeeshops and other public places, so hopefully I'll be able to get some approaches through those.

 

[Kvothe]

Two approaches yesterday but I really only had half an hour. The first one went really well. I opened warmly and honestly and we had a solid conversation. If I can make more approaches like this I’ll be golden. The second one felt robotic as I was doing it and I think the girl realized it so she walked off.

I worked out yesterday and also had my first salsa class.

 

[Kvothe]

So a great day today.

I was working in a coffee shop and this cute girl asked me to open her Advil. I assumed it was an invitation to talk and we talked for a few minutes. Did some good conversation with some deep diving. Asked for her number and whether she was down to get a coffee on Thursday. She seemed down. Texted a fun text this evening and no response yet. So turns out she is in a relationship, but glad I assumed attraction and went for it.

Also approached a german girl directly. I was really assertive and dominant (relative to before). I moved her and she complied. I deep dived and connected a little. She’s only here for a few days. So I said she probably would be too busy to grab drinks but then she says that she might be down. So I grab her number and I text her a few hours later. She replies saying it was nice to meet me too. I text her asking if she is down for Wednesday so let’s see. Seeing how she’s only here a few days, if we go out there are only a few ways it can end. I also touched her a little bit. So she texts me back saying if she finishes everything she wants to downtown then she’s for sure down. And that she’ll let me know. Pretty neutral/low investment response but we’ll see what happens.

In my salsa class there’s this one girl who is gorgeous. I talked to her a bit and because she was my partner at some points we got a little physical contact. I feel like I caught her looking at me a few times so I’ll ask her out next week. She literally looks like Rachel mcadams, but Latina.

Super excited at the results today. Even if the number don’t pan out, this was definitely a step in the right direction.

 

[Kvothe]

3 approaches yesterday. For me the first approach is always the hardest. I spent an hour trying to do one, and then belted out three in 15 minutes after.
First approach was okay. I saw her in a coffee shop and then pretended to browse for a few. As I was leaving I gave her a compliment. I think I was nervous. I asked if I could sit next to her for a bit, but she said no. I should have pushed and said it was only for a few minutes.

Second girl I gave a compliment. She said thanks but refused to shake my hand so I bailed on that.
Last girl was a stunner, and I told her she looked amazing. She was engaged, but I played it cool and we talked a little.

Need to approach more. I don’t think I’ll see real growth until I hit 10 approaches in a day.

 

[Kvothe]

Talked to two girls today. Was planning to do more, but it started raining, so I went home. Got off public transport and saw that the rain had stopped. First girl, I opened by telling her she was cute. We had a conversation for about a block, and then she left. I wasn't really feeling it, but I think I should still try and go for the close.
Second approach the girl tells me her husband is like three feet away, I look over, and tell her he's a lucky guy. I think I should have tried asking whether he was the type of guy to beat me up for giving her a compliment. That seems like the more interesting thing to say.

After that I went and worked out for about an hour.

One new thing I'm going to implement is to do one approach every 10 minutes after I head home from work. It feels less intense than having a set number to do. I tried it today, and it worked really well for me.

On to tomorrow.

 

[Kvothe]

2 more approaches today. The 10 minute rule is working well for me, and I think I'm going to stick with it.

The major thing I need to do is keep the interaction going. The first girl I opened, introduced myself, and she introduced me, and I could have gone into a tangent about her name, but didn't, and exited the conversation instead.
Second girl was walking by and seemed happy with the conversation, but said she was running late to something. I should have pushed and joked with her telling her to let me steal just a minute of her time.

Next time.

Got a gig tomorrow, so going to try and get a side hustle going there, plus would be solid as a way to meet others.

 

[Kvothe]

Super busy weekend. Yesterday approached three girls. First was this Korean girl that didn’t speak much English. She ejected after communication between us broke down. Second was a Chinese girl. We talked for a few blocks but she was leaving the same night so there was no chance since I had other stuff to do in the afternoon. Did a gig and people really liked my drinks so hopefully can make that something I do semi regularly. Approached one Croatian girl in the evening but I think she didn’t like me or I came off badly because she ran off fast.

 

[Kvothe]

Was taking the train in the morning, and this random dude was being weird. This girl made eye contact with me and we made exasperated faces to each other. We exited at the same stop, and as we got off I turned to her and said “It’s always an adventure” and she seemed super excited to agree. Talked for a bit and introduced myself. Talked a bit but did a bad job of deep diving and connecting. Still, not a bad approach.

 

[Kvothe]

Two approaches today. First one she responded warmly, and we talked for about a block. I’m having trouble keeping the conversation going and being an overall interesting and attractive individual. I keep emphasizing that I’m not approaching enough, which I think is one thing. The other is that I’m not relating enough to her as a person. So what might be a totally receptive girl is getting turned off because clearly I’m not listening and responding to what she’s saying.
Second girl yelled sorry in the middle of my opener and ran off. Since this has never happened to me before, I’m going to assume this was her being scared or jaded or paranoid. Will have to keep an eye on it to see if it happens again.
Taking some action soon to improve myself, so stay tuned.

 

[Kvothe]

A solid day today. Did like 10 approaches. While most of them fell flat, a few were fun and the vibe felt good. A friend advised me that a lot of approaches are falling flat because of vibe and energy issues. I come across as an annoying guy at the moment. This is good to know, because the things I need to improve are fairly easy to implement. 1) Start smiling more while approaching. 2) Do better about the actual approaching (the angles and type of approach matter a lot).

So for the next week, my main focus will be on smiling more when I approach, and appearing more interesting, and to get the girl to stop before I start talking to her. I think I'll also try doing some indirect direct, but that's less of a priority.

The first girl who it went well was a French girl. I talked a bit about my travels to Lisbon, but I should have fed it back to her better to make her feel more connected. Either way, she had a boyfriend.

Second girl was an Argentinian. Did a better job asking about her, but was too much questions and felt interviewy to me. To improve, I think I'll need to start cold-reading well.

There was a third girl who I opened and we talked for a second.

I think that identifying a sticking point today was extremely helpful, and I'm hoping that by focusing on it, I can see a lot more improvement over my next few outings.