This Girl Is Crazy Or Something?

Richard

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 1, 2013
Messages
1,821
Depends J, what message are you trying to convey in your text?
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
1,279
Zphix said:
Depends J, what message are you trying to convey in your text?

Zac and Chase seem to recommend lightly scolding or negging her. I know what scolding looks like, but I don't know how to apply a neg in this situation. Like "you sure have a funny way of making plans. It's cute though ;)"?

NJ
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 1, 2013
Messages
1,821
Could work J, I generally haven't had to send light scolds, or neg. Well, at least not since I was inexperienced and knew how to handle things from start to finish. In my past maybe my light scolds were too scold-ish, or didn't get my point across. Actually! I just remembered a few times I've done this (didn't exactly call it scolding) , but a girl was playing hard to get and I said something like " I've heard of playing hard to get, but you're ridiculous ;)" and we ended up making date plans. You should try the message you've just posted:

Like "you sure have a funny way of making plans. It's cute though ;)"?

I think this would get the job done.
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,641
Location
Southern California
NJ-

I skimmed through this thread because it's rather long, so bare with me if I missed something or something was already said.

Next afternoon I text her like I would any other girl. She's 26 years old, but while texting her I'm wondering about her social savviness because she seems to be really flighty and she jumps from subject to subject just saying random ass things. Anyway, to close out our initial text convo- I ask her out. My text is this: "Well hey, let's grab some food sometime or a couple drinks if you're down! :)" and she doesn't respond until the next morning. Her response, though, is a big sprawling text telling me about visiting her mom next month in Idaho, and ends with "Yeah, that would be great. What do you have in mind?", which is weird because I told her exactly what I had in mind (dinner/drinks). Is that a deflection?

Anyway, since she waited until next day to respond, I don't text her back until like 8 that evening. I say the Idaho trip sounds nice, and repeat my offer "Just dinner and/or a drink or two. Keep it simple, right? :)" and then she again doesn't respond until the next day, about lunch time. Her text doesn't make any sense either. Her response is like "Hey NJ, have you lost interest already?? Haha jk how was your day?" Doesn't respond at all to the date request. This is most definitely a deflection. And what is with the "have you lost interest already" bit?

So I decide to put her off, give her a day of radio silence. I text her two days later and we have another short convo that again ends with me offering a date, but I figure I'll offer something different this time. I offer the lower pressure "lunch or coffee" date. I tell her to let me know when she's free so we can meet up. Her last text to me is: "haha will do! Have a good night, NJ :)" I decide to completely write her off at this point.

The next evening she initiates a text convo, but the initial message from her is just "Hey". I wait 2 hours to respond, and I text back: "Hey, how was the play?" (she was going to a play), and we text back and forth a couple times and eventually I send her this: "So what's your schedule like? We should do lunch/dinner/something soon :)" and she replies "haha yes we should" but doesn't give me her schedule. So against my better judgement, I decide to tell her when I'M free instead. I reply "I could do Tues or Thurs next week. Or lunch any day except Wed", and she says "When do you do lunch? I have weekly meetings over lunch on Tue and Thurs" so I clarify that I meant I was free AFTER WORK on Tues and Thurs (even though it should have been obvious). She then just replies "Ahh I gotcha" but doesn't choose a day. That was last night, I didn't reply to her at all after that.

After reading all that...

Chase told me to just lightly scold her like "You know, I've never really been very good at chasing people around. And you're trying to make me! But, I don't want to :) So if you are going to be free sometime soon you let me know, ok?"

...it sounds like it's time for the above type of text. Girls like this will drive you wild because you feel like the interaction you had with her went so well that you should "have" her... but the fact that you don't is what fuels her fire. Remember, she approached you, so she's kind of been in control since the start. The best way to take control at this point is to throw the ball in her court and stop texting her unless it's a text meant to move things forward. In fact, I wouldn't respond to any text after sending one like that that doesn't actually contribute to setting up a time and location for a date. If she doesn't set up anything concrete, then I would just move on. Also remember, you're a guy with strong abundance at the moment, so girls who play too many games are a waste of your time. ;)

I always wondered about that. It must not go by post count? Do the moderators apply them or something?

I periodically decide who I think is ready to "rank up" and then send a list of my suggestions to Chase. He makes the final decision on who ranks up on the list that I send him, but usually we are pretty much in agreement with each other.

"you sure have a funny way of making plans. It's cute though ;)"?

As a last note, I wouldn't send the one above for this situation... it seems pretty obvious to me that she's getting you to chase over text, so this type of encourages that. Instead, you want to discourage it and then make her chase down the date.

- Franco
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
1,279
Thanks, Franco :) Sounds like I will go with the initial plan and use Chase's text. It didnt work with the last girl (when he first suggested it), but I think she was a lost cause anyway. Meaning that I screwed it up and it wasn't the text that didnt work, necessarily.

We will see what happens!

Thank you!
NJ
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,641
Location
Southern California
NJ,

I completely agree with you, you don't ask for specific days, but from what I've learned from Franco ( from the link ) is that you shouldn't say "sometime" either because it's not concrete. By concrete I don't mean Tuesday, by concrete I mean "soon, this week." Concreteness is used to lock down a solid period of time (a week, or soon).

As an added note, Zphix gives you good advice here!

I re-read all of your texts, and you did kind of fail to do this. And she picked you apart because of it. ;)

- Franco
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
1,279
Franco said:
NJ,

I completely agree with you, you don't ask for specific days, but from what I've learned from Franco ( from the link ) is that you shouldn't say "sometime" either because it's not concrete. By concrete I don't mean Tuesday, by concrete I mean "soon, this week." Concreteness is used to lock down a solid period of time (a week, or soon).

As an added note, Zphix gives you good advice here!

I re-read all of your texts, and you did kind of fail to do this. And she picked you apart because of it. ;)

- Franco

Absolutely! I made sure to thank him for pointing that out.

And she can pick me apart all she wants, because my texting app is like an electronic harem right now ;)

NJ
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
1,279
Here's what happened. We're meeting up Tues after work.

Me: [name], hey! Never heard back on a day/time. If you changed your mind, that's cool too. Ball's in your court now, lady! ;)
Her: Ahh I'm sorry, yes Tuesday night works for me!
Me: cool, when you get off work?
Her: 5ish.. You?
Me: Same. Meet me at [place] at 630?
Her: Yep! Sounds good :)
Me: Alright :) See ya there!

Franco, girls don't decide to do this consciously, do they? I mean, they don't read a guys text and think: "Oh he didn't say soon, so lets toy with him a bit!" It's more of a thing where you're just not leading well and they pick up on it?

NJ
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 1, 2013
Messages
1,821
Nice job NJ, let us know how that date goes ;)
While you addressed your question to Franco, I'll give my input nevertheless. Back me up or prove me wrong Franco. My belief is, its not conscious, and is instead sort of your second point. To me, most guys when they get the un-solid okay start to chase that date unless they're conscious of it, its so easy in autopilot to send a string of texts like:
"Hey J, I'm thinking we should go to the movies sometime, what do ya think?"
Her: "Sure, sounds good to me."
"Sweet! I'm free this day, and this day."
and get wrapped up in setting up a time and day, I.e, you chasing her
OR
"Sure, sounds good to me"
You: "Sweet! Talk to you some time this week."
"Okay."
Later on in the week, it would feel natural to say something like
"About that movie date..."
and keep bringing it up without really noticing it.
From this, my input is that, the balance of power sways naturally due to the guy unknowingly trapping himself in the chase of it all, thus giving her the power, but neither party is entirely aware of it.
So! Franco, prove me right or wrong lol ;)
-Cheers,
Richard
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
1,279
I'm thinking you are spot on there, Z!

It's sort of weird though, I never really felt like I was chasing anything down because of the fact that she was initiating contact half the time or more. I was just suggesting we meet up in person, although my failure was that I wasn't doing it in a way that would make her actually have to agree to anything solid.

Thanks, guys!
NJ
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,641
Location
Southern California
NJ,

While you addressed your question to Franco, I'll give my input nevertheless. Back me up or prove me wrong Franco. My belief is, its not conscious, and is instead sort of your second point. To me, most guys when they get the un-solid okay start to chase that date unless they're conscious of it, its so easy in autopilot to send a string of texts like:
"Hey J, I'm thinking we should go to the movies sometime, what do ya think?"
Her: "Sure, sounds good to me."
"Sweet! I'm free this day, and this day."
and get wrapped up in setting up a time and day, I.e, you chasing her
OR
"Sure, sounds good to me"
You: "Sweet! Talk to you some time this week."
"Okay."
Later on in the week, it would feel natural to say something like
"About that movie date..."
and keep bringing it up without really noticing it.
From this, my input is that, the balance of power sways naturally due to the guy unknowingly trapping himself in the chase of it all, thus giving her the power, but neither party is entirely aware of it.
So! Franco, prove me right or wrong lol ;)

Nailed it, Zphix. ;)

It's sort of weird though, I never really felt like I was chasing anything down because of the fact that she was initiating contact half the time or more. I was just suggesting we meet up in person, although my failure was that I wasn't doing it in a way that would make her actually have to agree to anything solid.

To put it in "layman's GirlsChase terms," it's the 'mental' aspect of push-pull. She pushed initially since she instigated conversation and pursued you. She's going to do whatever she can at that point to not come across as needy and make you chase her as much as possible (...the pull). Women also like men to be extremely direct so that they know exactly what your intentions are. You'd be surprised how many times girls get texts like, "hey gorgeous, we should hang soon. ;)" And then the girls always reply, "Sounds good ;)" and nothing ever happens. Be extremely direct in your texts, but make them comfortable and fun so that the girl knows you want to see her.

Cheers,

Franco
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 1, 2013
Messages
1,821
Franco, can you give an example of extremely direct yet playful? Since I haven't been able to amass a number of women into my contacts (the area I live is really small), so texting is something I still have trouble with from time to time.
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
6,553
J, Guys

Franco said:
You'd be surprised how many times girls get texts like, "hey gorgeous, we should hang soon. ;)" And then the girls always reply, "Sounds good ;)" and nothing ever happens. Be extremely direct in your texts, but make them comfortable and fun so that the girl knows you want to see her.

This is on the point. :) but i am still skeptical on her about the date. Because,

1) You chase when you could have pull. This is unconscious, i guess everyone also didn't notice it, even on the write up.
2) She thinks she's higher in value than you, thus you probably need some work to clean things up. ( i guess you will do just fine. :) )

and lastly, I wouldn't say it any better about She is likely girl number 5. You met her at a bar but she might be a quality girl, And Chase wrote an article on this.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/girl- ... ited-girls

She matches those things in the article.

Chase is the man! :) Always is.

Zac
 

Good Vibes

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 27, 2013
Messages
105
Location
In Her Bed
NarrowJ said:
So, this *very* attractive girl approaches me at a bar last week and makes what I think is a fairly lame excuse to talk to me (she says she wants to know where her and her friend should get food, what's nearby etcetera). She could have asked anybody this, and she's giggling like a teenager as she's asking me. The girl she is with is standing over by their table and is trying to act like she's not watching us, but she is (and she's smiling to herself).
She wants you to pursue her but to protect her reputation she can't tell you direct. Especially when her friend gives away the secret of her interest in you by giggling/smiling in the background.
NarrowJ said:
I go through the motions quickly and name off a few places.
Why didn't you take them to one of those places? This is where she started to have doubts about your capabilities. Her friend would excuse herself when she knows her friend has scored a good guy.
NarrowJ said:
It's a weeknight and they have to leave, so I number close.
So you accepted that? They say things like that because she can't tell you that you've let her down. (save Reputation-avoid embarassment)

Everything that happens after this is a 2nd chance salvage operation if you're lucky.
NarrowJ said:
Here's what happened. We're meeting up Tues after work.
Good luck and move fast or move on.
NarrowJ said:
Franco, girls don't decide to do this consciously, do they? I mean, they don't read a guys text and think: "Oh he didn't say soon, so lets toy with him a bit!" It's more of a thing where you're just not leading well and they pick up on it?
Girls love texting and playing games with beta males, Just don't be one. They don't intend to hurt anyones feelings consciously.
ZacAdam said:
1) You chased when you could have pulled. This is unconscious, i guess everyone also didn't notice it, even on the write up.
I took more than an hour reading every post hoping someone would get it.

Re: This Girl Is Crazy Or Something?
No.
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
1,279
GV,

I left out quite a bit of detail in the lead-in, I guess just to shorten things a bit.

The entire initial interaction lasted little more than an hour. They ended up just ordering appetizers at the place we were already at. I did try to get them to go to another bar with us, but I only persisted a couple times. She just kept saying she would like to but had to be up early. Maybe once I get this stuff mastered I will be able to just walk into any environment at 6 pm on a Wednesday and pull a fitness model home with me, but right now things just aren't playing out that way for me ;)

If it means that not pulling a girl home on day 1 and sleeping with her on day 2 or 3 is salvaging, then I guess I'm ok with that. Sometimes you lose some battles but still win the war, and that can be what makes this stuff so fun and challenging to me!

And the jury is still out as to whether she is crazy or not. You should see some of the things this girl texts me. Haha

NJ
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 1, 2013
Messages
1,821
NJ, the majority of your posts are successes, and when I'm able to do what you currently do, I'll feel like I'll have accomplished something in this art ;)
-Richard
 

Good Vibes

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 27, 2013
Messages
105
Location
In Her Bed
NarrowJ said:
If it means that not pulling a girl home on day 1 and sleeping with her on day 2 or 3 is salvaging, then I guess I'm ok with that.
Of course, all I mean is you must move at the speed the girl wants and sometimes it's surprisingly quick (even when they look sweet and innocent) otherwise she may get her ego hurt and auto reject you. If she gives you a 2nd chance it's because she doesn't have other options or she's said to herself "maybe I did something wrong and he probably is the man I think he is" but they wont keep thinking that for too long.
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
6,553
GoodVibes,

Good Vibes said:
I took more than an hour reading every post hoping someone would get it.

NarrowJ said:
And the jury is still out as to whether she is crazy or not. You should see some of the things this girl texts me. Haha

I can tell you what J's girl is like from the messages. That said, It is easy to jump onto conclusions. I categorize all those girls so i can roughly gauge what she is like so as to give the best response i can, if i was J.

You are right, We did miss out J's inefficiency in pulling when he should but it doesn't deny the fact that she can be one of those 5 responses that i give about a girl. Her personality is either of the 5.

For me, it helps me knowing who she is, what she is about, and what she likely do.

Zac
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
1,279
Good Vibes said:
NarrowJ said:
If it means that not pulling a girl home on day 1 and sleeping with her on day 2 or 3 is salvaging, then I guess I'm ok with that.
Of course, all I mean is you must move at the speed the girl wants and sometimes it's surprisingly quick (even when they look sweet and innocent) otherwise she may get her ego hurt and auto reject you. If she gives you a 2nd chance it's because she doesn't have other options or she's said to herself "maybe I did something wrong and he probably is the man I think he is" but they wont keep thinking that for too long.

Most definitely agree. We're on the same page, and she wasn't letting me move her anywhere other than someplace inside the bar we were already at. So actually, this ends up being a VERY good point, GV. She wasn't compliant enough to move anywhere with me, thus she's going to be a pain in the ass when I start trying to get a day 2.

NJ
 

Marty

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 17, 2013
Messages
1,370
Location
Europe
Zphix said:
NJ, the majority of your posts are successes, and when I'm able to do what you currently do, I'll feel like I'll have accomplished something in this art ;)
-Richard

My feelings exactly.

NarrowJ said:
If it means that not pulling a girl home on day 1 and sleeping with her on day 2 or 3 is salvaging, then I guess I'm ok with that. Sometimes you lose some battles but still win the war, and that can be what makes this stuff so fun and challenging to me!

That's a winner in my book too!

Zphix said:
A little off topic this late in the responses, but yes Marty, don't be afraid to voice your opinion.
NarrowJ said:
Marty,
Don't feel like you can't comment because you don't feel "qualified" to do so! Everyone's opinions are valued here. I've found I can learn a little bit from everyone, as we all have things we are just good at.

Thanks. You guys ROCK.

NarrowJ said:
Here's what happened. We're meeting up Tues after work.

Me: [name], hey! Never heard back on a day/time. If you changed your mind, that's cool too. Ball's in your court now, lady! ;)
Her: Ahh I'm sorry, yes Tuesday night works for me!

Love the opening text to this convo, non-needy and uplifting... must imitate! I think I speak for most of us when I say we're all rooting for you Tuesday, we're so vicariously invested in it via this thread! No pressure though ;)
 
Top
>