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FR  Traveling Broadway Actress in town for the Weekend

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Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 18, 2019
Messages
37
Could use some quick advice on what to do with this one as I still have a small window to make something happen, but anyway here it goes!

I take the bus downtown the other day to go hit the library and I'm hoping to do an approach or two while I'm out there. Usually I just walk around this area though and tell myself how this city is devoid of vagina. Which it really is. But today (By which I mean Friday November 15th) I'm heading to the library and I see what looks like a cute girl walking her dog. The dog is playing on the grass and she is standing next to it waiting for it to finish. I don't have a great look at her but easy indirect open to go and play with the dog. I do this and then she looks up at me and damn she is really fucking cute. Just my type. Pasty Irish skin, flowy golden red hair, bright blue eyes, and a hipster kind of vibe. Anyway we start engaging in conversation. Nothing spectacular she talks about her dog I show her my parent's new dog I just babysat etc. She tells me she has been in town for two weeks and she is leaving after this weekend. She is an actress in one of the traveling plays that was originally on broadway and is now going around the country. We talk about the city and I say "when are you leaving"? She says after the weekend. I had already told her we should grab a drink and she seemed receptive. Then I said "Well if you're around tomorrow night we should grab one no worries if you're busy before your leaving though". She says she would want to grab a drink the only people she knows in town are the cast from her play. I took this as a pretty positive sign that she was actually really interested. When I was walking away she said "Text me".

So I don't text her that day because I figured while my window is short it would be too needy to try and set something up same day. So next day I text her saying we should grab a drink if your free. A few hours later she gets back to me says we should but her show gets out late so it'd have to be around 11. Anyway my text game was good here with comfort and setting it up quick which I do. I commented on her vibe and how "I know her type" which I think is good framing? I don't know what I'm doing but it seems like I'm saying I get all the hipstery actresses like you. Anyway set up the date.

So 11 she comes strolling in to the bar. She looks great. Like even better than I remembered. I instantly start flirting and get her comfortable quick. I do the palm reading thing although I blanked on what to say so I just jokingly said I think you believe in true love. I teased her a lot to get her chasing. She responded really well. I touched her hair. Rubbed her hands all that jazz. So going really well. This bar closes at midnight though so we've got to hit a new place and I think it's way to early to invite her back to my place. That would seem like a big leap. So I say lets go to another bar. She says ya I don't even know you yet! I ask her if she wants the last sip of my beer she complies and says she'll drink my backwash. I take this as a good sign as well.

Anyway, as we exit the bar I feel like the camera should pan to Patrick Warburton as Lemoney Snicket to commentate on the series of unfortunate of events that are about to take place.

There are only a few bars in this area. Most are loud and young so I elect to just go into the first one I see that looks quiet. One of the chill local ones I would never actually go into. So we go in and she says "It's likely people from my cast are here". Of course we walk in and there are a few. She gets all happy starts chatting them up. NBD here. I introduce myself while she talks to one I deep dive the other to convey myself as a socially intelligent high value man. He seems responsive. Eventually we go to sit down.

We start to talk about what we are getting for drinks. She says she wants a cider and I forget exactly what happened here or how the question came up but I said (In what I think was a non-douchey way) "I don't usually pay for first dates". I had made this pact to myself because I kept paying for girls and then I'd never see them again. Plus I read the whole article on here although this might be an exception cause she is just passing through.

She got pretty triggered at this. She said she had to use the bathroom and I thought about just paying for her drink while she was in there but the bartender didn't come over quick enough. Although I don't feel bad about it anyway, like the cultural norm would make a lot more sense if it was 1rst date: split 2nd: split 3rd: man pays. Like chivalry would make sense in that situation so women couldn't abuse this outdated cultural standard but I digress.

She ends up paying for her drink and my drink and is still visibly upset. She does not take off her coat and reveal the cute sholderless shirt she is wearing. She is cold to me. She asks me about it and I calmly tell her I pay for second dates and how it just seems to be an outdated tradition and that I have spent a lot of money on girls who I never see again. I do all this in a calm way. Then her friend starts coming over and talking to her. They are just going on and on forever and she is purposely excluding me from the conversation.

I don't react negatively. I smile and pretend everything is all good. I don't know if this is a test but I'm not going to bitch about it at least. I don't think there is anything I can do here so I sit back with a smirky cocky grin on my face and listen. Trying to convey I'm not upset. And I'm really not that upset. Like this is annoying but I'm improving at stoicism and all that.

Her friend leaves we start talking again it's still cold but better. I try to get her to open up I ask her about her siblings. I open up by telling her I'm introvert and grew up with just my mom and my special needs brother to try and play on her emotions and win me some sympathy. She does bring up some of the flirtatious comments we talked about at the earlier bar which I take as a good sign. Like referencing stuff when the vibe was there if you know what I'm saying.

I tell her I'll buy the next drink she declines, she gets a water. Her friend comes over again and they are gabbing. Eventually it seems like she is trying to get him to leave which is a good sign. She then says you want to get out of here. Her hotel is right up the street. It's cold out. Were walking and the vibe is pretty dead at this point. I figure I kind of have to go for it though. I ask her if she wants to have a beer at my place. She says she's not a first date kind of girl. I say we should grab a drink at this other bar here. She declines. She says she needs to go to her dog. I just act chill about all this. B/c I really don't know how much I can do here. If anyone has any advice it'd be much appreciated. I go into the hotel lobby she says "nice to meet you" and kind of prompted by me I say if you're around tomorrow we should grab drink and she says "Text me tomorrow". We do a quick hug.

So overall, this was weird. I really don't know how much more I could have done here to save this date. She obviously overreacted and acted like a total bitch. I don't know if I should shoot her a text today or not and pray she texts me before she leaves tomorrow. If I don't chase that's great but what are the odds she actually reaches out to me. What should I have done besides acting cool with the world when she started losing her shit and the friends kind of CBed me. This is a high value girl so I think I did a pretty good job overall considering the circumstances and everything. If her friends weren't there I probably could have turned it around better.

Any input is appreciated. Probably onto the next one :)
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Velasco

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
1,052
pay for second dates and how it just seems to be an outdated tradition and that I have spent a lot of money on girls who I never see again. I do all this in a calm way

doesn't matter that you did this in a "calm" way. Very bad frame.

I tell her I'll buy the next drink she declines, she gets a water.

Overcompensating is unattractive. Hold your frame. Which should be that you didn't do anything wrong. You're not the kinda guy that pays for girls drinks that you just met. Done.

She then says you want to get out of here. Her hotel is right up the street. It's cold out. Were walking and the vibe is pretty dead at this point. I figure I kind of have to go for it though. I ask her if she wants to have a beer at my place.

smh....WHY? Her hotel is right there. Why the fuck are you asking her to go to your place instead. Mindblowed @ how guys cockblock themselves lol.

She says she's not a first date kind of girl.

lol

She says she needs to go to her dog. I just act chill about all this. B/c I really don't know how much I can do here.

Hmmm. how about, "what kind of dog is it? Oh really? I had a golden retriever as a kid (make some shit up. or talk about a legit pet you had growing up). Share an emotional story. Then "can see him real quick before I go back home?" (beautiful plausible deniability).

What should I have done besides acting cool with the world when she started losing her shit and the friends kind of CBed me

That: Be cool. Let her calm herself down. Then proceed.

 

omgroflcopter

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 18, 2019
Messages
37
doesn't matter that you did this in a "calm" way. Very bad frame.



Overcompensating is unattractive. Hold your frame. Which should be that you didn't do anything wrong. You're not the kinda guy that pays for girls drinks that you just met. Done.



smh....WHY? Her hotel is right there. Why the fuck are you asking her to go to your place instead. Mindblowed @ how guys cockblock themselves lol.



lol



Hmmm. how about, "what kind of dog is it? Oh really? I had a golden retriever as a kid (make some shit up. or talk about a legit pet you had growing up). Share an emotional story. Then "can see him real quick before I go back home?" (beautiful plausible deniability).



That: Be cool. Let her calm herself down. Then proceed.



Ya I knew I couldn't let my frame shatter but I definitely felt I let it crack by making a very logical argument in response to hers. Probably should have just smirked and told her she was cute or something and said if "your nice to me I'll buy on the second date". That sounds more right and more like a dominant frame to me. And ya by the time i got to her hotel she was already so cold I don't think I could have done anything. Thanks for the info.
 

Jesse

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 20, 2013
Messages
301
Although I don't feel bad about it anyway, like the cultural norm would make a lot more sense if it was 1rst date: split 2nd: split 3rd: man pays. Like chivalry would make sense in that situation so women couldn't abuse this outdated cultural standard but I digress.

She ends up paying for her drink and my drink and is still visibly upset

I always offer to pay on a first date if its small stuff like a drink or coffee, or whatever. It just keeps things flowing cool and smooth, and you avoid any blowups from the girl. Some girls are just traditional like that. You also avoid any awkward moments about figuring out whos doing to pay. You save so much aggravation just offering to pay, you always come out looking the better for it.

It doesn't mean you always pay. When you do NOT pay is when you FIRST meet a girl at a bar and you've been talking to her for just a few seconds. Then you do NOT pay, because then it comes across as a BRIBE almost to like you.

Another time NOT to pay is taking her out to an expensive dinner date as a first date. Don't do that obviously.

But if she's out on a first date with you, she's already heavily invested in you just by the fact that she's shown up, so then... pay. It's not a big deal if its small stuff. You don't come across as try-hard spending such small amounts, no more than opening the door for her to go in first would look 'needy'. Its just being socially smooth.

She then says you want to get out of here. Her hotel is right up the street.

And you didn't immediately take the hint and lead and walk with her there... :eek:

What was your eye contact like? Your tempo? What about the sexual vibe... did she ever start getting aroused?
 

omgroflcopter

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 18, 2019
Messages
37
I always offer to pay on a first date if its small stuff like a drink or coffee, or whatever. It just keeps things flowing cool and smooth, and you avoid any blowups from the girl. Some girls are just traditional like that. You also avoid any awkward moments about figuring out whos doing to pay. You save so much aggravation just offering to pay, you always come out looking the better for it.

It doesn't mean you always pay. When you do NOT pay is when you FIRST meet a girl at a bar and you've been talking to her for just a few seconds. Then you do NOT pay, because then it comes across as a BRIBE almost to like you.

Another time NOT to pay is taking her out to an expensive dinner date as a first date. Don't do that obviously.

But if she's out on a first date with you, she's already heavily invested in you just by the fact that she's shown up, so then... pay. It's not a big deal if its small stuff. You don't come across as try-hard spending such small amounts, no more than opening the door for her to go in first would look 'needy'. Its just being socially smooth.



And you didn't immediately take the hint and lead and walk with her there... :eek:

What was your eye contact like? Your tempo? What about the sexual vibe... did she ever start getting aroused?

Thanks for the info, ya I can see how just buying her a drink would have been smooth. And by the she wants to get out of here thing the vibe was just straight cold. Like no sexual vibe
I always offer to pay on a first date if its small stuff like a drink or coffee, or whatever. It just keeps things flowing cool and smooth, and you avoid any blowups from the girl. Some girls are just traditional like that. You also avoid any awkward moments about figuring out whos doing to pay. You save so much aggravation just offering to pay, you always come out looking the better for it.

It doesn't mean you always pay. When you do NOT pay is when you FIRST meet a girl at a bar and you've been talking to her for just a few seconds. Then you do NOT pay, because then it comes across as a BRIBE almost to like you.

Another time NOT to pay is taking her out to an expensive dinner date as a first date. Don't do that obviously.

But if she's out on a first date with you, she's already heavily invested in you just by the fact that she's shown up, so then... pay. It's not a big deal if its small stuff. You don't come across as try-hard spending such small amounts, no more than opening the door for her to go in first would look 'needy'. Its just being socially smooth.



And you didn't immediately take the hint and lead and walk with her there... :eek:

What was your eye contact like? Your tempo? What about the sexual vibe... did she ever start getting aroused?


Ya I had just been on a few first dates recently where it seemed like it was going very well, I paid, we kiss, and then I never hear from them again so I was trying to avoid this again. I think it makes a lot of logical sense for a man to pay on the second date or third date but that is logic and in this situation she obviously reacted very negatively because she must have liked me and me paying is part of the seduction process for her that is a necessary element. In the future if I get a more formal type of vibe I will pay or maybe say I won't and then just say JK if I get resistance. Ya would have been socially smooth to pay and will keep this in mind for the future.

As for walking her to the hotel, I did. But as soon as I didn't pay for the drink it was over. Walking her to the hotel was just a formality so she could get rid of me at that point. Eye contact and vibe was all fantastic before I said I dont pay for first dates. Thanks for your input.
 
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