HB8-9 (Gorgeous Pakistani Girl continued)
The text conversation of the night of meeting her:
I am not sure if I am setting myself for the friendzone with all the intrigue I am creating with this girl or if she is into me into me. I am talking to much which is worrying me but Idk... Can someone review my texts and tell me what they think?
Me: "Hey *Girl*, this is TheWiseFool. Save my number

" Thank you Tool

Her: "Ok [: what's your last name btw? And are you sure you don't know a *Inserts common person we both know*?"
Me: "*My last name*. I'd say, "Don't go searching me up on facebook" but I don't have one, fortunately/unfortunately. And yours is? *I mention something about the common person we know*.
Her@9:29: "*Last name* is my last name and you probably shouldnt facebook me either.... I have so many privacy settings on [: and year *so and so* is a sweetheart."
Her@10:20: "I have a lot of privacy settings on so family from Pakistan won't find me*"
Me: "Oh really? Hopefully it's for good reasons. I don't think I'd be able to handle a bad girl hahaha"
Me: "Aside from my humor, I totally understand. Maybe we have a lot in common, who knows

Her: "Ah so im a little curious and I really hope you don't take offense to this. But how often do you go up to random people and ask if they're single? [:"
Me: "Take a guess, I'm sure you'd be surprised, but I have my reasons"
Her: "My guess would be often although you seem like a really decent guy"
Me: "Frankly, the number doesn't matter. What does matter is that when life comes knocking at your door, present in hand, waiting for you to take it... you either accept it with open arms and a big smile on your face or you tell Life, "I don't want it, it's not for me." You only get so many knocks, so many chances, before your left wishing life would come knocking at your door one more time. Whatever is in my past does not matter, all that matters is the present, the now, this moment because the present is where life begins"
Her: "I can understand that but you have to get a little curious when someone approaches you like that. I hope you didn't mind me asking. I take it your philosophy regarding opportunities is the reason you approached me. If you don't mind me asking, what led you to that conclusion about opportunities? I'm just curious

"
Me: *I give her an answer about experiencing and growing as a person and imparting the idea that I am someone who does not want to ruin that for her*
Her: *So she gives me an answer that creates intrigue about herself, expressing the idea that she understands my words and that she herself has experience for life is indifferent to all beings*
At this point I realize that I should tone myself down and that I need to qualify her at this point, which I can do genuinely cos I like where our conversation is going. I am going to send one more text and close all texts for the rest of the night and pick it up two to three days from now. Hopefully setting a date after exams... But right now, I need to get this situation under control cos we are deep diving on text and that is not what I want.
As of now, I've realized that my actions have certainly been too much and I am currently on damage control...
The conversation right now is:
I reply back to her last text cos it needed to be qualified in some way, but after that I just stopped.
Afternoon the next day she replies back apologizing cos she fell asleep and also for keeping me from studying for my exam.
And I decided to test something and here is how it all goes:
Me@7:27pm: I'm sure I popped up in your dreams to greet you one way or another

My exam became a take home exam pushed back by two days, so no worries darling
Her@7:33pm: Hay Eric.... you do remember that i would just like to be friends, right? [:
Me@8:06: Yes... I recall
Her@8:08: Sometimes people forget. Just making sure. Im actually just studying for a written programming final I have tomorrow.
Me@8:27: That is true. Aren't we friends yes?
Her@8:57: Yes I guess we're getting there. Although my friends generally don't refer to me as darling or anything of that sort (besides a few good friends).
Me@9:44: Well, my dear, this friend marches to the beat of a different drummer.
Her@9:57: So you're saying I would need to store you in a struct as opposed to the array of same type elements(friends)? Although I prefer vectors because theyre resizeable... Or maybe i just need to create a whole different class for you and your functions? o.o sorry im studying and i figured since youre a CS major, you may be able to follow that
Me@11:11pm: Seems like you are at a crossroads of sort. What do you want to do with me?
Me@11:16: Think it over. I'm going to bed. Study with desire and passion, get plenty of rest, and get some glucose in your system an hour to thirty minutes before your exam. You'll do great, but I'm sure you don't need a me to tell you that. Goodnight and sweet dreams, darling ;P
Her@9:04am: Psh I don't need fuel (mainly because I can't get myself to eat in the morning). That final was a joke.
My Thought Process:
@7:33pm: At this point anxiety hit me really bad... so I needed to calm myself and thought, what have you leaned from all your reading? And first thing that comes to mind is 1) ignoring her frame 2) reinforcing her frame but transforming it into a new frame. I just think, "What would Christian Grey do?" He is always in control of himself and the situation. He is rarely fazed, short, to the point, and talks to miss steele as if she is a child aka (i'm older than my actual age). Whatever he does creates intrigue within the woman's head. I'm no christian grey but damnit I said if I'm going out, I'm gonna persist to the end rather than accept her frame
@8:08: I'm thinking that she is trying to change the subject and solidify me in some category just like she does with every guy she meets
@8:27: Maybe I am framing this wrong, but my reasoning is aiming at saying, "Yes, we are friends... but we are going to be something different... something you aren't used to... you just don't know it yet.)
@8:57: As you can see... she is trying to steer me towards something I don't want to be, a friend.
@9:44: Me implying, "I'm different. I am not like other people. Expect the unexpected."
@9:57: Instead of answering her frame trying to prove myself I take her question and assume she doesn't know what she wants. I'm assuming she is possibly crumbling a bit cos she is losing control (I'm not giving her the expected responses, I'm not behaving the way she wants me to). How ever much control she has... I'm telling her, "I'm not like your friends child. Look I'll do it again, and again. I'm reasoning that if she's gonna stay here and take my crap... either she is 1) trying to put me in the friend zone cos she doesn't want to lose me. Maybe I came off as some guy that can leave her at any moment with all my implied words... 2) or you are interested and trying to get me to bow down." I didn't care if that was true or not I was just believing in the frame (frames are awesome...). These are all assumptions, she could very well just stop talking to me, but again, if I am going to lose this girl, it's gonna be to the very end. And if that is so... I might as well test things and push my current understood limits. To be honest, I am quite surprised she is still talking to me... I was expecting her to just ignore me like that cos she barely knows me at all... why continue right? I almost said, "screw it I'm never gonna be with her" after she reminded me about being just friends.
@11:16: I'm throwing in commands (think about it. Study. Get a lot of rest. Eat something before your exam. And I took the last sentence as a command... I want her to have a goodnight and sweet dreams) cos I was thinking about a part in Fifty Shades of Grey. Grey tells Ana to drive carefully on the way back to her home. Ana finds her self driving at a rather slow speed while on the highway, why is that? She attributes it to Mr. Grey's command to "Drive carefuly". I thought, "If this works here it must work in real life...". Why? I remember listening to this video about a guy reading tons of literotica and creating a process based off of all these books. The funny thing is... it worked... A LOT. So I said, why not do what the character does, the romantic archetype. The first text was me speaking to her subconscious. She doesn't need to answer it, especially since I threw the second text as a cover up (hoping to lighten the mood cos the tension was pretty heavy... at least for me).
@9:04: As you can see, she didn't answer my first text, but I'm sure she's going to be thinking about it because I am spending the whole day and better part of tomorrow with no contact whatsoever. I want her to think about what I said and then I'll come back and see if her behavior has changed. She is trying to challenge me by saying she doesn't need a bit of my advice, but then she comes off apologetic-like (in my head that's what I'm thinking) through her excuse. She tries to prove herself by saying the final was a joke.
From the last text (hers), I'd like to ask, "what should I say back?" I'm sure I can use a chase frame. There is one in particular I want to use, but I can't find it on the site or the forums, it may be in the book, I'll have to check later. Right now though, these are the things I want to respond with:
1: "Trying to impress me... okay *girl's name*..." (Whatever response she gives back idk...)
2: The same thing from above with the addition of "... I like it, but don't get any ideas. You need to know that I'm not easy, things will get a little rough, but I'm sure you don't mind. I like girls that *insert sexual frame connecting the word rough* (not sure about this, but I know it will work if I fix it up)
3. "Hmmm.... three of the four were completed. A 75%... that doesn't make me happy, but we're getting there. (Connecting back to the commands I gave her before I went to bed. She may have done well on her final, but she failed my test. Also, I connect back to her "Yes, I guess we're gettin there." Lastly, I make it three out of four, instead of four out of five in order to give myself plausible deniability in the contingency of her heading back to the "think it over" comment.
I know that I am probably making things much more complicated than they need to be, but I tend to overthink a lot (my INTJ nature). In addition, I hope my damage control is working out great and she does conform to my frame. I will propose the meet, and she is probably going to give me the friend thing again and I will use logic to win, but I certainly need to qualify her well to avoid emotion depletion. I NEED to move things forward... but I don't want to take her out and not end up back in some place we can get intimate. However, now that I am thinking about it, there is a park nearby the place I could take her. In due time, it will all come together, hopefully.
After three days of induced radio silence...
Me: Hey Freha, what’s your schedule look like this week?
Her (~hour later: What?
Me (~hour later): What does you schedule look like this week? When are you done finals. That kind of stuff

Me (~1.2 hours late): I wanted to suggest we meet up after finals for a meal or a drink (not the alcoholic kind....). You could get to know me and I you, if you are willing to take a jump at the opportunity
Her (15 minutes afterwards): I'm so sorry Eric but I don't think this opportunity is for me. Right now I'm concentrating on my studies. My dad sacrificed more than his dreams for me and the family and I want to make sure that his sacrifices are worth it. I'm sure you'll have plenty more opportunities [:
Me (~15 minutes later): That is completely understandable and admirable of you. I had to ask, just as I had when I walked up to you. Best wishes to whatever you choose to do in life. Wanted to leave you with this: "When I was a kid, there were so many things that I thought that I would have accomplished by 24 and 25, and now at 26, I've only accomplished one of those childhood goals, and I'm finally beginning to push myself to do the other dreams I had. Don't live in regret.
Really, you have to change your mindset to love the journey and not the goal. You need to love the practice and training -- the steps to it.
At the same time, you have to live and enjoy life too

Don't let fun pass you by."
- Eric
Her: Well yes I have to be reminded every once in a while. Thank you [: who are you quoting? Or is that a personal quote?
Well, she kindly declined. Certainly something wrong with how I acted, but I could say it was just cos she wasn't looking for anything at this time in her life, school is more important, relating its importance to her father, who sacrificed much for his daughter to have this opportunity in her own life.
The next text I could send is to show that I understand her situation, and that I relate as both my parents are immigrants who went through their own trials, and that I'd still like to meet up... but I don't want to reinforce the friend frame cos I am a lone wolf kind of guy. In addition, my morals are to respect what she stands for simply because it is family. And I am just some stranger... family is always greater than stranger and I respect that.
Overall, rejection is not as bad as I thought it was and neither was the approach. Anxiety levels have dropped significantly and I am eager to approach more women as I see them as they are... human beings.
- The Wise Fool
PS. If anyone is wondering where I got the quote from, I took it from PinotNoir in his response to one of my own on a thread. Pinot, if you are reading this, I hope you don't mind, and I hope it isn't copyrighted (HA!). It was a beautiful quote and it was perfect for the moment, I couldn't resist!