- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Combining my posts into a journal, seeing that people were doing this and it was much more efficient than what I've been doing
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Entry 1: HB7, Slender, Brunette, College Freshmen
NOTE: This is my first post on the forum. For those of you who know your way around your forum, I'd appreciate it very much if you could help me out if my posts do not follow protocol and redirect me towards doing what is most helpful, not only for myself, but for those who use the forums.
Journal Entry: 31 October 2013
Report Details: Night of 25 October 2013
Romancer Level: Intermediate
Seducer Level: Beginner
Location: Party in Frat Suite
Time: ~11pm
Entry Start:
Relaxing on the suite bar next to my friend, who was DJing, holding my usual cool but reserved demeanor as I took the time to people watch, since studying human interactions and conversations is one of my most favorite things to do. Prior to being there, I had a shot and a beer so I was rather relaxed, which probably played a role in the victories that lie ahead in this entry. People began coming and the dance floor started filling up. Two acquaintances of mine came up from just outside of my right peripherals as well as a third acquaintance whom this interaction is focused on. One after the other, they came up trying to get me away from the bar and onto the dance floor. I did not "want to play" at the time as I was enjoying myself in my position. However, when the third acquaintance that I mentioned came up she was rather persistent in trying to antagonize me. After a while, I thought, "Screw it. You ladies want to play. Let's play."
And just like that all the information I've collected and done my best to understand from Chase's E-book and blog posts, over the past two weeks prior to this event, kicked in.
I took her hand, brought her 2 meters from her friends and we were dancing, facing each other. I placed one of my hands on her waste and took her hand in the other and we were rocking side to side. Then I mentally checked myself, "Cmon man, what have we been learning?" I mentally perceived myself as that man who would give her what she wanted, using the excuse, "This is what she wants, right?" as the premise for allowing me to act the way that I did. My thoughts became set on doing what a sexy man would do as my arm left hand slipped around the side of her waist and wrapped around the small of her back, pulling her in with a, "Come here" in the most seductive voice I could muster. She was smiling now and probably did not know what to do as first, but she followed my lead. I am a rather passionate man and tend to forget about social expectations (and the bit of alcohol I had taken prior to this certainly helped as I do not drink often) and we were full body contact, my arms showing me that they had a mind of their own as they felt the beautiful thighs and back of the woman before me. I knew it was cheesy and had to tell her, "you have an amazing body" as I've always admired her for it. Judging by the expression on her face, she took my compliment as cute and a surprise, her face giving away that she couldn't believe my words. I quizzically asked, "What?" with a sexy smile and pushed forward. Regardless, I was glad and her expression fueled my desire to make her feel good and wanted, and I'm certain my words sent the blood rushing to her cheeks although I could not see under the rather darkened room. My desire to make her feel good comically turned into my leg on her vaginal area and intentionally stimulating her there. It pleased me to know that I had done my job when she playfully hit me on the chest, but I could tell she was enjoying what I was doing since she wasn't putting up a fight against my advances. My mind was poised for one thing and that was creating the frame of mind that "We are just having fun. We are just playing." Prior to reading Chase's book, I am sure I would have stopped then, but in that moment I understood, as Chase had taught, the importance of social standing and image to women. All I had to do was counter her resistance with a playful frame and she melted right before me. Seeing her getting comfortable and following my lead, I took on an impulsive desire to kiss her, but I didn't know how to as I noted above, my level of seduction experience is that of a beginner. I thought back to, "Your a sexy man who leads and knows what he is doing. You want her to feel good and enjoy the experience." Images of kissing scenes in all the romantic movies I so very much love and hate at the same time came up. I used my fingers to brush her beautiful blonde hair out of the way and back down ear, making sure to stimulate the fine hairs on the skin back there, remembering the ear being an erogenous zone for women. My hand came to rest on her neck and I looked at her and her at me and I went in. And I have to admit, that first kiss was not on the mark. I didn't land so that our lips would meld together like a lock and key, and I am sure her and I were thinking the same thing. I didn't care as i held us there for 4-5 seconds. We parted and I looked at her and I don't know if she was taking me seriously but I went in again. This time I didn't miss, I remember my tongue coming out of my mouth on impulse but I retracted as I was making my way because I remember reading something about inexperienced kissers going straight for french kissing. Anyways, we were making out for a bit and I pulled away to catch a breathe. But then SHE reengaged me which totally caught me off guard and had my thoughts flying, "YOU DID IT MAN! SHE IS CHASING YOU!" At that point, I jumped the gun and grabbed her by the arm cos I wanted to get her alone. My mind brought back a memory of a friend making out with some girl in the bathroom. Why I thought it was a good idea to take her there, it was the best my mind could come up with. Unfortunately, as I was pulling her and she was coming, her two other friends from the start of the interaction were resisting my attempts. I did not let this stop me and pulled back smiling as I saw her smiling and back at me. Then I stopped and let her go. Headed back to my spot on the bar, staring off into space, hoping they understood my message: "I can turn it on just like that."
End Interaction.
Well. That was it. The interaction that took place was rather brief in time, but contains much of the teachings that Chase and many of the other writers of GC give to us lucky men. If memory serves me right, about two or three songs went by, which could be anywhere from 7 to 10 minutes.There were plenty of mistakes but overall, this was a victory for me.
Major mistakes:
1. Feeling her up to soon rather than gradual buildup of an emotional crest.
2. Not meeting her 90% of the way when attempting to kiss. Could have landed things better but I....
3. Missed the kiss.
4. Pulling her too early and giving up pulling her from her friends (The last 5% article comes to mind).
Things I did right:
1. Perceiving myself as a sexy man.
2. TOUCH: romantic touch
2. Leading and moving fast (very fast...)
3. Framing: Creating playful frame
4. Hard Push-styled persistence / brushing past challenges
5. Kissed her
6. She put in the effort to kiss me back
7. Wanted what was best for her and trying to create an experience that she would remember.
Closing Thoughts:
I have to admit that I am a perfectionist and that I have ingrained in myself a negative self-image ever since I was a child. Thanks to the help of certain factors in my life as well as Chase and all the guys at Girls Chase, I am turning my mentality around and am beginning to see the man everyone keeps talking about when they refer to me as being handsome or having model potential. That guy has been there all along, he is just something I need to accept rather than separate myself from because of an "undeserving" mentality that Chase mentioned as being harmful for a long-term relationship. Anyways, this interaction certainly raised my confidence and the belief that I should start approaching the women I consider attractive. Hopefully I can continue snowballing this feeling rather than letting the fire die down into complacency.
NOTE: This is my first post on the forum. For those of you who know your way around your forum, I'd appreciate it very much if you could help me out if my posts do not follow protocol and redirect me towards doing what is most helpful, not only for myself, but for those who use the forums.
Journal Entry: 31 October 2013
Report Details: Night of 25 October 2013
Romancer Level: Intermediate
Seducer Level: Beginner
Location: Party in Frat Suite
Time: ~11pm
Entry Start:
Relaxing on the suite bar next to my friend, who was DJing, holding my usual cool but reserved demeanor as I took the time to people watch, since studying human interactions and conversations is one of my most favorite things to do. Prior to being there, I had a shot and a beer so I was rather relaxed, which probably played a role in the victories that lie ahead in this entry. People began coming and the dance floor started filling up. Two acquaintances of mine came up from just outside of my right peripherals as well as a third acquaintance whom this interaction is focused on. One after the other, they came up trying to get me away from the bar and onto the dance floor. I did not "want to play" at the time as I was enjoying myself in my position. However, when the third acquaintance that I mentioned came up she was rather persistent in trying to antagonize me. After a while, I thought, "Screw it. You ladies want to play. Let's play."
And just like that all the information I've collected and done my best to understand from Chase's E-book and blog posts, over the past two weeks prior to this event, kicked in.
I took her hand, brought her 2 meters from her friends and we were dancing, facing each other. I placed one of my hands on her waste and took her hand in the other and we were rocking side to side. Then I mentally checked myself, "Cmon man, what have we been learning?" I mentally perceived myself as that man who would give her what she wanted, using the excuse, "This is what she wants, right?" as the premise for allowing me to act the way that I did. My thoughts became set on doing what a sexy man would do as my arm left hand slipped around the side of her waist and wrapped around the small of her back, pulling her in with a, "Come here" in the most seductive voice I could muster. She was smiling now and probably did not know what to do as first, but she followed my lead. I am a rather passionate man and tend to forget about social expectations (and the bit of alcohol I had taken prior to this certainly helped as I do not drink often) and we were full body contact, my arms showing me that they had a mind of their own as they felt the beautiful thighs and back of the woman before me. I knew it was cheesy and had to tell her, "you have an amazing body" as I've always admired her for it. Judging by the expression on her face, she took my compliment as cute and a surprise, her face giving away that she couldn't believe my words. I quizzically asked, "What?" with a sexy smile and pushed forward. Regardless, I was glad and her expression fueled my desire to make her feel good and wanted, and I'm certain my words sent the blood rushing to her cheeks although I could not see under the rather darkened room. My desire to make her feel good comically turned into my leg on her vaginal area and intentionally stimulating her there. It pleased me to know that I had done my job when she playfully hit me on the chest, but I could tell she was enjoying what I was doing since she wasn't putting up a fight against my advances. My mind was poised for one thing and that was creating the frame of mind that "We are just having fun. We are just playing." Prior to reading Chase's book, I am sure I would have stopped then, but in that moment I understood, as Chase had taught, the importance of social standing and image to women. All I had to do was counter her resistance with a playful frame and she melted right before me. Seeing her getting comfortable and following my lead, I took on an impulsive desire to kiss her, but I didn't know how to as I noted above, my level of seduction experience is that of a beginner. I thought back to, "Your a sexy man who leads and knows what he is doing. You want her to feel good and enjoy the experience." Images of kissing scenes in all the romantic movies I so very much love and hate at the same time came up. I used my fingers to brush her beautiful blonde hair out of the way and back down ear, making sure to stimulate the fine hairs on the skin back there, remembering the ear being an erogenous zone for women. My hand came to rest on her neck and I looked at her and her at me and I went in. And I have to admit, that first kiss was not on the mark. I didn't land so that our lips would meld together like a lock and key, and I am sure her and I were thinking the same thing. I didn't care as i held us there for 4-5 seconds. We parted and I looked at her and I don't know if she was taking me seriously but I went in again. This time I didn't miss, I remember my tongue coming out of my mouth on impulse but I retracted as I was making my way because I remember reading something about inexperienced kissers going straight for french kissing. Anyways, we were making out for a bit and I pulled away to catch a breathe. But then SHE reengaged me which totally caught me off guard and had my thoughts flying, "YOU DID IT MAN! SHE IS CHASING YOU!" At that point, I jumped the gun and grabbed her by the arm cos I wanted to get her alone. My mind brought back a memory of a friend making out with some girl in the bathroom. Why I thought it was a good idea to take her there, it was the best my mind could come up with. Unfortunately, as I was pulling her and she was coming, her two other friends from the start of the interaction were resisting my attempts. I did not let this stop me and pulled back smiling as I saw her smiling and back at me. Then I stopped and let her go. Headed back to my spot on the bar, staring off into space, hoping they understood my message: "I can turn it on just like that."
End Interaction.
Well. That was it. The interaction that took place was rather brief in time, but contains much of the teachings that Chase and many of the other writers of GC give to us lucky men. If memory serves me right, about two or three songs went by, which could be anywhere from 7 to 10 minutes.There were plenty of mistakes but overall, this was a victory for me.
Major mistakes:
1. Feeling her up to soon rather than gradual buildup of an emotional crest.
2. Not meeting her 90% of the way when attempting to kiss. Could have landed things better but I....
3. Missed the kiss.
4. Pulling her too early and giving up pulling her from her friends (The last 5% article comes to mind).
Things I did right:
1. Perceiving myself as a sexy man.
2. TOUCH: romantic touch
2. Leading and moving fast (very fast...)
3. Framing: Creating playful frame
4. Hard Push-styled persistence / brushing past challenges
5. Kissed her
6. She put in the effort to kiss me back
7. Wanted what was best for her and trying to create an experience that she would remember.
Closing Thoughts:
I have to admit that I am a perfectionist and that I have ingrained in myself a negative self-image ever since I was a child. Thanks to the help of certain factors in my life as well as Chase and all the guys at Girls Chase, I am turning my mentality around and am beginning to see the man everyone keeps talking about when they refer to me as being handsome or having model potential. That guy has been there all along, he is just something I need to accept rather than separate myself from because of an "undeserving" mentality that Chase mentioned as being harmful for a long-term relationship. Anyways, this interaction certainly raised my confidence and the belief that I should start approaching the women I consider attractive. Hopefully I can continue snowballing this feeling rather than letting the fire die down into complacency.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Entry 2: Basketball Chick, Short Latina, Track Star
Tonight I was able to introduce and get this girl on the hook, I guessed she was a track star and was right and we happened to run the same event in high school. I guess she is a hb7 or hb8, but I just didn't know what to do after I had her chatting up. I just freaked out and excused myself, social pressure was too much. Should I just keep approaching girls until the social pressure dies or what? I didn't move her cos I didnt want to take her from djing, but she was doing it when she didn't even need to. I found it a turn off that she is a rave kinda girl and I'm not... which relates to what Chase was saying about low self esteem guys looking at each girl as a potential mate, rather than just some random hook up. Sigh.... just keeping my head up and ignoring that little voice in my head telling me, "It's cos you're short," "It's cos you're asian," It's cos their are better looking older guys." It really is just an uphill battle I feel, but I know the nervousness and lack of control will fade with time. If there is a brightside to this all, it's that i tried and got a woman on the hook and she was definitely above cute status. Damn shame she isn't an intellectual. Moral of the story, don't look for women that party or club.
Keep yourself hungry for knowledge,
The Wise Fool
P.S. There was a cute basketball player who was given me "those eyes" but I kept doubting myself cos she had a foot maybe a foot and a couple of inches on me, but she smelt my confidence and comfortableness in who I was and was not. Lesson from this is just go for it and don't wait, but getting over those nerves and going for it is easier said than done.
I keep psyching myself out and keep forgetting to ask myself, "Imagine yourself 5-10 years from now!"
Tonight I was able to introduce and get this girl on the hook, I guessed she was a track star and was right and we happened to run the same event in high school. I guess she is a hb7 or hb8, but I just didn't know what to do after I had her chatting up. I just freaked out and excused myself, social pressure was too much. Should I just keep approaching girls until the social pressure dies or what? I didn't move her cos I didnt want to take her from djing, but she was doing it when she didn't even need to. I found it a turn off that she is a rave kinda girl and I'm not... which relates to what Chase was saying about low self esteem guys looking at each girl as a potential mate, rather than just some random hook up. Sigh.... just keeping my head up and ignoring that little voice in my head telling me, "It's cos you're short," "It's cos you're asian," It's cos their are better looking older guys." It really is just an uphill battle I feel, but I know the nervousness and lack of control will fade with time. If there is a brightside to this all, it's that i tried and got a woman on the hook and she was definitely above cute status. Damn shame she isn't an intellectual. Moral of the story, don't look for women that party or club.
Keep yourself hungry for knowledge,
The Wise Fool
P.S. There was a cute basketball player who was given me "those eyes" but I kept doubting myself cos she had a foot maybe a foot and a couple of inches on me, but she smelt my confidence and comfortableness in who I was and was not. Lesson from this is just go for it and don't wait, but getting over those nerves and going for it is easier said than done.
I keep psyching myself out and keep forgetting to ask myself, "Imagine yourself 5-10 years from now!"
- Joined
- Dec 6, 2012
- Messages
- 1,458
TheWiseFool said:
Definitely. The more you approach the easier it gets. =)
TheWiseFool said:
In a situation where she's busy or you're busy or either of you are short of time, tell her that you can see she's busy, but you'd like to get to know her better when you and her both have a free minute, then ask for her contact info or simply hand your phone to her.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Keeping my Quiet & Introvert but Confident and Purposeful Demeanor
I went back to acting the way I am in person: the quiet, shy, but confident type. Much more effective when conversing with other individuals. I noticed that people, not just my fraternity brothers but women as well, have this weird tendency to sense something "is wrong" and need to please you, to do something so that you may bestow or display satisfaction or taking joy in their words or behavior. Quite odd thing and I am glad this feels natural to me. I also recalled a girl falling more and more into who I was because I wasn't displaying emotion. A little bit of me here and there but that was it. I'd recoil back into my cool, calm demeanor as she'd continue to throw out random facts about herself, like strings hoping something would tug on the other end, and I would smile at them but they weren't as genuine as one of my smiles in which she revealed to me new information. I was just being nice because I needed to be, but all the while I was disappointed that she had nothing to offer me.
Even now I find it quite interesting. I wasn't trying hard at all. I just introduced myself politely, a few pleasantries: grade, how she is enjoying college, what is she studying. Each time she'd shoot the same thing back at me and I'd reveal something small: I'm a junior (older than her), college is great as I've just come in as a transfer so I'm up for starting somewhere new, although I'm quite used to it having moved a lot, I love bio (her major) but I switched over to computer science cos "Let's just say I found my life's purpose". I don't know if I was making myself more and more unattainable, but she was certainly giving me more and all I had to do was shy away a little here and there and she kept coming at me. Throughout the night I didn't pay her much attention cos I honestly didn't care. She was just another girl and I wasn't looking for anyone at the time (I really was just focusing on school and nothing else). I am so glad and thankful for the information that I've been blessed with from Girls Chase. Maybe I've been going at things all wrong. Instead of seeing this information as an addition to who I am, upgrades that could improve me... I took it as, okay you need to transform yourself into this brand new person. I don't know where I went wrong but I am glad that I've learned from my mistakes. Logging down the information in Excel and writing has certainly helped. Data is a powerful thing. Science is a powerful thing. But the most powerful thing is choice. Something I've understood quite well. Now the choice I am set with now is to test my theories about my normal disposition with women and see if I am correct.
Excited but not setting my hopes to high in case I have nothing to catch me when I fall.
- TWF
EDIT: Found this in the article 3 Techniques for Changing Your Vibe with Women
I went back to acting the way I am in person: the quiet, shy, but confident type. Much more effective when conversing with other individuals. I noticed that people, not just my fraternity brothers but women as well, have this weird tendency to sense something "is wrong" and need to please you, to do something so that you may bestow or display satisfaction or taking joy in their words or behavior. Quite odd thing and I am glad this feels natural to me. I also recalled a girl falling more and more into who I was because I wasn't displaying emotion. A little bit of me here and there but that was it. I'd recoil back into my cool, calm demeanor as she'd continue to throw out random facts about herself, like strings hoping something would tug on the other end, and I would smile at them but they weren't as genuine as one of my smiles in which she revealed to me new information. I was just being nice because I needed to be, but all the while I was disappointed that she had nothing to offer me.
Even now I find it quite interesting. I wasn't trying hard at all. I just introduced myself politely, a few pleasantries: grade, how she is enjoying college, what is she studying. Each time she'd shoot the same thing back at me and I'd reveal something small: I'm a junior (older than her), college is great as I've just come in as a transfer so I'm up for starting somewhere new, although I'm quite used to it having moved a lot, I love bio (her major) but I switched over to computer science cos "Let's just say I found my life's purpose". I don't know if I was making myself more and more unattainable, but she was certainly giving me more and all I had to do was shy away a little here and there and she kept coming at me. Throughout the night I didn't pay her much attention cos I honestly didn't care. She was just another girl and I wasn't looking for anyone at the time (I really was just focusing on school and nothing else). I am so glad and thankful for the information that I've been blessed with from Girls Chase. Maybe I've been going at things all wrong. Instead of seeing this information as an addition to who I am, upgrades that could improve me... I took it as, okay you need to transform yourself into this brand new person. I don't know where I went wrong but I am glad that I've learned from my mistakes. Logging down the information in Excel and writing has certainly helped. Data is a powerful thing. Science is a powerful thing. But the most powerful thing is choice. Something I've understood quite well. Now the choice I am set with now is to test my theories about my normal disposition with women and see if I am correct.
Excited but not setting my hopes to high in case I have nothing to catch me when I fall.
- TWF
EDIT: Found this in the article 3 Techniques for Changing Your Vibe with Women
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Tension
Building tension is really poweful. I need to figure out what the correct amount of tension is (nonverbal and verbal signals) before someone "bows" out. I need to work on using humor more often to control and manage the ideal level of tension.
Building tension is really poweful. I need to figure out what the correct amount of tension is (nonverbal and verbal signals) before someone "bows" out. I need to work on using humor more often to control and manage the ideal level of tension.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Controlling Emotions and Why You Should Collect Many Experiences
Down below is a link to two videos. They are about emotional intelligence which is something I recommend all people should master and is something that Chase is unknowingly teaching guys here at Girls Chase. The second link contains the explanation of why building up a large collection of experiences, for the purpose of the site.. the large collection of experiences is meeting women, from a psychological and biological perspective. I believe Chase wrote an article about gut feelings called Go With Your Gut, but I wanted to add this here for anyone who wants an even deeper explanation as to why going with your gut / instinct can be very beneficial when it comes to making decisions, ASSUMING you have a decent to large amount of experience in whatever task or situation that demands you to make a decision or action. I will also post below my own notes regarding the videos. I HIGHLY recommend watching both, the information you will learn is ridiculously beneficial to your overall quality of life, specifically taking control of it. Watching this video has helped reveal to me why I felt the way I was when I was depressed as well as other explaining to me why I am so different now when compared to how I was just a few months ago.
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTItzKrNX68
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W4kWPdcdUk
My Notes:
Emotional Intelligence (EI)
1. Self-Awareness. Becoming aware of what you are feeling. Whenever we make decision, the emotional part of our brain, the basal ganglia, observes, records, and organizes our experiences into "what worked in the past and what didn't work?" Unfortunately, the basal ganglia cannot speak to us since it has no connection to the verbal cortex. To overcome this, the basal ganglia communicates to us through feelings. The "gut" or instinctual feeling we get when making decisions (especially for decisions that affect our quality of life) is the basal ganglia communicating to us what choice has been most beneficial to us in the past. Part of self-awareness is being able to make ourselves aware of these gut feelings.
2. Managing negative emotions. You need to build up a habit of analyzing your decisions, as in thinking before you act in the sense that you need to look at what you're doing and ask yourself, "How am I going to feel in the future? How am I going to feel in the short term vs in the long run?" Your motivation depends on this. The marshmallow experiment/case study: "Scientists took 4 year olds and placed them into this situation: Here's a marshmallow. You can eat it now or wait and get another one." Some children waited while others gave up and ate the marshmallow. The two types of children were placed into two separate groups and tracked later on in life (towards the end of high school). It was found that the kids who waited for the marshmallow had better social lives and academic lives than the children who couldn't wait for the second marshmallow.
Breakdown: Actions that are made out of impulsiveness are actions of the amygdala. When the amygdala is activated, our minds are focused on what is bothering us. If you are focusing on what bothers you, much more of your working memory, human's version of RAM, is devoted to whatever is bothering you; if your mind is preoccupied by distressing emotions chronically, for extended periods of time, your cognitive abilities shrink, you use less brain power, your ability to do work, complete tasks, and excel in areas outside of whatever your brain is preoccupied with is SEVERELY limited. For me, I was unable to handle schoolwork as a result of constantly being in a state of anxiety due to this lingering and all encompassing feeling of a lack of control of my life.
A lower amount of working memory explains why the brains of depressed people are not as active as someone who is happy or an optimist. Their ability to do work is severely limited because a large part of their available brain power is devoted to a problem that they cannot solve. Continued rumination over the problem can cause a rewiring of the brain, as in the habit or obsession over the problem creates a negative feedback loop that affects other areas of the individuals life.
INFORMATION NEEDED FROM VIDEO: Foregoing instant, quick, and lesser forms of gratification/rewards in exchange for delayed, but higher forms of gratification/rewards is the inhibition of the right prefrontal cortex. Constantly choosing to inhibit/forego the former of the two types of gratification will create a habit aka the ability to increase cognitive capacity, since a large, if not all, of an individual's working memory is devoted to solving a problem at hand.
Down below is a link to two videos. They are about emotional intelligence which is something I recommend all people should master and is something that Chase is unknowingly teaching guys here at Girls Chase. The second link contains the explanation of why building up a large collection of experiences, for the purpose of the site.. the large collection of experiences is meeting women, from a psychological and biological perspective. I believe Chase wrote an article about gut feelings called Go With Your Gut, but I wanted to add this here for anyone who wants an even deeper explanation as to why going with your gut / instinct can be very beneficial when it comes to making decisions, ASSUMING you have a decent to large amount of experience in whatever task or situation that demands you to make a decision or action. I will also post below my own notes regarding the videos. I HIGHLY recommend watching both, the information you will learn is ridiculously beneficial to your overall quality of life, specifically taking control of it. Watching this video has helped reveal to me why I felt the way I was when I was depressed as well as other explaining to me why I am so different now when compared to how I was just a few months ago.
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTItzKrNX68
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W4kWPdcdUk
My Notes:
Emotional Intelligence (EI)
1. Self-Awareness. Becoming aware of what you are feeling. Whenever we make decision, the emotional part of our brain, the basal ganglia, observes, records, and organizes our experiences into "what worked in the past and what didn't work?" Unfortunately, the basal ganglia cannot speak to us since it has no connection to the verbal cortex. To overcome this, the basal ganglia communicates to us through feelings. The "gut" or instinctual feeling we get when making decisions (especially for decisions that affect our quality of life) is the basal ganglia communicating to us what choice has been most beneficial to us in the past. Part of self-awareness is being able to make ourselves aware of these gut feelings.
2. Managing negative emotions. You need to build up a habit of analyzing your decisions, as in thinking before you act in the sense that you need to look at what you're doing and ask yourself, "How am I going to feel in the future? How am I going to feel in the short term vs in the long run?" Your motivation depends on this. The marshmallow experiment/case study: "Scientists took 4 year olds and placed them into this situation: Here's a marshmallow. You can eat it now or wait and get another one." Some children waited while others gave up and ate the marshmallow. The two types of children were placed into two separate groups and tracked later on in life (towards the end of high school). It was found that the kids who waited for the marshmallow had better social lives and academic lives than the children who couldn't wait for the second marshmallow.
Breakdown: Actions that are made out of impulsiveness are actions of the amygdala. When the amygdala is activated, our minds are focused on what is bothering us. If you are focusing on what bothers you, much more of your working memory, human's version of RAM, is devoted to whatever is bothering you; if your mind is preoccupied by distressing emotions chronically, for extended periods of time, your cognitive abilities shrink, you use less brain power, your ability to do work, complete tasks, and excel in areas outside of whatever your brain is preoccupied with is SEVERELY limited. For me, I was unable to handle schoolwork as a result of constantly being in a state of anxiety due to this lingering and all encompassing feeling of a lack of control of my life.
A lower amount of working memory explains why the brains of depressed people are not as active as someone who is happy or an optimist. Their ability to do work is severely limited because a large part of their available brain power is devoted to a problem that they cannot solve. Continued rumination over the problem can cause a rewiring of the brain, as in the habit or obsession over the problem creates a negative feedback loop that affects other areas of the individuals life.
INFORMATION NEEDED FROM VIDEO: Foregoing instant, quick, and lesser forms of gratification/rewards in exchange for delayed, but higher forms of gratification/rewards is the inhibition of the right prefrontal cortex. Constantly choosing to inhibit/forego the former of the two types of gratification will create a habit aka the ability to increase cognitive capacity, since a large, if not all, of an individual's working memory is devoted to solving a problem at hand.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Re: Entry 2: Basketball Chick, Short Latina, Track Star
"If a place is so noisy that you don't even want to continue an interesting conversation with a close friend - how much more difficult are you making it for yourself to start a new conversation with a stranger by putting yourself in that environment?
Especially if you're like me and rely more on your golden tongue than on your looks to win a girl's heart, day game gives you the ultimate advantage over the hunks."
I should have moved her instead of trying to get a conversation going right where the speakers were.
TheWiseFool said:
"If a place is so noisy that you don't even want to continue an interesting conversation with a close friend - how much more difficult are you making it for yourself to start a new conversation with a stranger by putting yourself in that environment?
Especially if you're like me and rely more on your golden tongue than on your looks to win a girl's heart, day game gives you the ultimate advantage over the hunks."
I should have moved her instead of trying to get a conversation going right where the speakers were.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Hank Moody Inspiration is Awesome & Preselection & Be a Sexy Gentleman
Hank Moody certainly fits my style. Scares me though.... like a foreshadowing of my life if I were to become like him. Was weird. I counted 7 girls I liked, at least 4 of them were giving me that "talk to me vibe" / "Oh heyyy..." look. But I didn't do anything just cos life felt surreal. No tens, but certainly 8's or 9's if I were asked for a grading scale. Preselection is also awesome, wow! Use it more often.
Hank Moody certainly fits my style. Scares me though.... like a foreshadowing of my life if I were to become like him. Was weird. I counted 7 girls I liked, at least 4 of them were giving me that "talk to me vibe" / "Oh heyyy..." look. But I didn't do anything just cos life felt surreal. No tens, but certainly 8's or 9's if I were asked for a grading scale. Preselection is also awesome, wow! Use it more often.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Barhopping for the first time 27/11/13
27/11/13
"Katherine" A smart looking girl with a cute face. I opened with a lingering
touch. Told her I thought she was cute, but it felt gimmicky to me because I
didn't take time to process I was just doing what I thought in my head. I
introduced myself, got her name, then I asked if the girls around her were her
friends. I asked if they were in or out college, then I turned my attention to
her and her friends got the idea and focused on each other. I asked her what her
field of study was which was education. At this point I feel weird cos I'm deep
diving right by the bar where it is really loud. I should have moved her. After
a little bit more, I excused myself cos I was freaking out and just didn't know
what to do. I should keep pressing to see how far I can get. Definitely speak
slower, louder, deeper, and sexier. I did touch her on her shoulders twice and
she wasn't freaked out either time.
2. She caught me looking at her and she kept looking over at me. So i go over to
approach, she says she has a boyfriend and points to a guy. At that point, I
don't know if this is a test cos she is still looking at me or a dismissal. I
excuse myself.
3. She says she has a boyfriend and I could clearly tell she was not interested,
but I decided to press forward anyway and ended making light conversation with
her boyfriend blah blah blah. Excused myself.
4. I complimented an older looking woman who thought had a cute face. She was
genuinely impressed but I just said it cos I thought my friends wanted to move
on to the next bar.
Overall, I see that I need to:
1. slow down and relax. I am speaking really fast, shooting questions like crazy without allowing for any pauses.
2. remember that my energy will reflect on her and she will mimic me.
3. brush off words that do not move me and her forward
4. keep pushing if she is still there ESPECIALLY if she says she's single. I saw that you were getting panicky or felt the need to rush things because you couldn't tell if she was in it or not. Ask yourself, did she leave? Did someone step in for her? Keep going until someone tells you or you have a clear indication that she wants you to stop.
5. Come up with good comebacks to tests/challenges.
6. Include more touch and sexual frames. That shit is awkward when you aren't being forward. You need to make your intentions clear. She won't
reciprocate or play if she doesn't know what you want.
7. Don't look for reactions, just aim for results.
Things that I have gotten over:
- Fear of approaching
- Jogging my memory on conversing
- Understanding the need to remain calm and in control with bits of sexiness
27/11/13
"Katherine" A smart looking girl with a cute face. I opened with a lingering
touch. Told her I thought she was cute, but it felt gimmicky to me because I
didn't take time to process I was just doing what I thought in my head. I
introduced myself, got her name, then I asked if the girls around her were her
friends. I asked if they were in or out college, then I turned my attention to
her and her friends got the idea and focused on each other. I asked her what her
field of study was which was education. At this point I feel weird cos I'm deep
diving right by the bar where it is really loud. I should have moved her. After
a little bit more, I excused myself cos I was freaking out and just didn't know
what to do. I should keep pressing to see how far I can get. Definitely speak
slower, louder, deeper, and sexier. I did touch her on her shoulders twice and
she wasn't freaked out either time.
2. She caught me looking at her and she kept looking over at me. So i go over to
approach, she says she has a boyfriend and points to a guy. At that point, I
don't know if this is a test cos she is still looking at me or a dismissal. I
excuse myself.
3. She says she has a boyfriend and I could clearly tell she was not interested,
but I decided to press forward anyway and ended making light conversation with
her boyfriend blah blah blah. Excused myself.
4. I complimented an older looking woman who thought had a cute face. She was
genuinely impressed but I just said it cos I thought my friends wanted to move
on to the next bar.
Overall, I see that I need to:
1. slow down and relax. I am speaking really fast, shooting questions like crazy without allowing for any pauses.
2. remember that my energy will reflect on her and she will mimic me.
3. brush off words that do not move me and her forward
4. keep pushing if she is still there ESPECIALLY if she says she's single. I saw that you were getting panicky or felt the need to rush things because you couldn't tell if she was in it or not. Ask yourself, did she leave? Did someone step in for her? Keep going until someone tells you or you have a clear indication that she wants you to stop.
5. Come up with good comebacks to tests/challenges.
6. Include more touch and sexual frames. That shit is awkward when you aren't being forward. You need to make your intentions clear. She won't
reciprocate or play if she doesn't know what you want.
7. Don't look for reactions, just aim for results.
Things that I have gotten over:
- Fear of approaching
- Jogging my memory on conversing
- Understanding the need to remain calm and in control with bits of sexiness
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
FIRST Day Approach = HB8-9 and Number Close!!!
I decided to hang around one of the cafeterias and do work today (God knows I can't get work done alone in my room). While sitting and watching programming videos on my laptop to study for my exam, out of the corner of my eye I notice this BEAUTIFUL girl pass by!!! My eyes bugged out and I could not help myself from staring. She passes by and my jaw drops and in my head I'm yelling, "DUDE DUDE GO APPROACH HER!!!!!" I find this so funny because I posted in one of the threads a picture of this gorgeous indian actress and despite not getting a great look at her body cos she was in a pea coat, all I can say is my gosh this girl has the facial features! A battle in my head ensues for whether or not I am going to approach while I am casually looking back and then away to see if she's still around (Earlier, I'd let this one girl unknowingly go because I decided to wait a few more minutes before passing, didn't want the same mistake to happen again). Finally I decided, "Alright. After she orders her food I'm going to go up and talk to her." She orders and sits down and then I do nothing. At that point I was telling myself, "You are really gonna hate yourself if you let this girl pass by man. LOOK AT HER!!!!" I stopped, took my headphones out, said, "Fuck it", and walked the long way around to approach from her side.
Despite having talked to her just a hours ago, I can't remember the whole situation clearly but this is what I can remember:
Me: "Excuse me, are you single."
Her: "What?"
Me: "Are you single."
Her: "Yes. I am single." Her face is confused a bit which slightly scared me but I kept calm and continued onward despite nerves beginning to build. Reasoning: this doesn't happen often to her.
Me: "Okay cool... I was just curious. I thought you were really attractive and had to come over and tell you. I'm TheWiseFool.
Her: "*Mentions her name but repeat it back mistakenly so she mentions it again and I get it right*." I am terrible with names, need a memory trick for that.
Me: "So... what's your ethnicity?"
Her: "I'm Pakistani."
Me: "Wow *pretend surprise* I would have never guessed it." *I pause cos 1) I don't know what to say. 2) I want to see if she'll pick up the conversation.*
Her: "And what ethnicity are you?"
Me: "Me? I'm Filipino."
Her: "I have a lot of filipino friends. Do you know a sophomore by the name of Maria?"
Me: "Unfortunately I don't. This is my first semester here so I don't know many filipino people. Do you commute or do you live on campus?"
Her: "I commute, sorry" :/
Me: "*playfully* Ah man, that means I won't see you around often."
Her: "I knoooow *sad face* Hey, I'm sorry to tell you this but I'm not looking for a relationship right now *something something*, but we can be friends *smiles*"
Me: "That's cool. I'm not looking for a relationship either." I can tell she's trying to create a friend frame
Her: "Yea most of my friends are white, blue-eyed males so it'd be nice to have someone who's different."
Me: "Yea, I know the feeling. Most of my friends at my old school are mostly white." No offense my white brothers! I love and find all people interesting!
Her: "Yea they always want me to go out and party on the weekends."
Me: "That's funny cause my roommate is always telling me, 'Hey, you wanna go to the bar tonight?' and I always tell him, 'Yea.... I'm gonna stay in my room tonight...'" So, Where are you from?"
Her: "I went to *high school*." good cos she lives close by and break is coming up so even better if this works out
Me: "Oh cool, I used to run cross country so I know the place."
Her: "And you?"
Me: "*My high school.*"
*She smiles, which prompts me to ask*
Me: "Yea, when I mention it to people I get some jokes. What do you think of it?" I come from a high school where you are either really rich, stuck-up, and DGAF about high school or your parents are hard working and you take high school seriously. I am of the latter.
Her: "Um, I haven't heard anything bad about it, but I know a few things."
Me: "Oh good haha. So... what are you up to today?"
Her: "I have an engineering practical on IR systems"
Me: "And what are you going to be doing in that?"
Her: "Making an IR system."
*She makes a confused face, which I assume she doesn't think I know what she's talking about*
Me: "IR as in infrared system...?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "So as in practical you mean you are going to be making something, in this case an infrared system?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "And I'm guessing you have to get going soon cos of exams?"
Her: "*Something that alludes to her having to leave*"
Me: "Yea, I gotta get back to studying for my computer science exam tomorrow." *I was gonna use this to segway into getting her contact information, but...*
Her: "Oh cool, I'm a computer science minor."
Me: "Interesting. What do you want to do with that?"
*Someone from the cashier calls her receipt number. She tells me she has to get it and I wait patiently and give myself time to breathe and think, "Be cool. What would James Bond do?"*
After she returns, she decides to stand and is fully facing me, rather than sitting down beforehand.
Her: "I don't know. I've always liked it. *Mentions to computing languages then smiles kind of nervous about being seen as nerdy I guess*."
Me: "Hey, you know more than me! I just switched over."
Her: "What school did you come from?"
Me: *Gives doubtful expression* "I doubt you know of it cos it's a small liberal arts college, but it is *my old college*."
Her: "Oh no, I know of *my old college*."
*I genuinely smile and realize that I've started to relax*
Me: "Oh wow, I'm impressed. So what grade are you in?"
Her: "I'm a freshmen."
Me: "No way! I would have never guessed it."
Her: "Really? Most people tell me I look like I'm 13." YES! I'm not in the other category!
Me: "Yea, people always tell me I look younger than I actually am."
Her: "I'm surprised that you came up to talk to me during the day. *Something along the lines of, "It must take a lot of courage to do something like that"*."
Me: "Not really, I mean... you either watch someone pass by you or you don't." The not really part was me lying about it taking a lot of courage, but the second sentence is something I've ingrained into my head day after day of letting women that give me IOI's or approach invitations pass by.
Her: "*Some qualifying statement*. I wish I could do that. I want to live in *Dorm near my place* next year but my classes usually have no girls in them."
At this point, my genuine need to help people change "helpless" mentalities kicks in:
Me: "Well, you just gotta walk up to girls outside of class and talk to them."
Her: "Oh I could never do that. *Something indicating she's shy or afraid*."
Me: "It's easy. I do it all the time. We're presented opportunities all the time. It's our choice to make something happen or stay where we are at." Again referring back to my own behavior with seduction and hoping to implant in her brain to either make something here happen or not. She is either in it or not at this point but I know something is going on in her pretty, little head.
Her: "I don't believe you."
Me: "Well, I'm talking to you, right? *Some witty/sexual remark about 13 year olds*." In retrospect I remember that whatever I said would've been really weird if one were to actually think about... but she either let it go or she just understood that I was blatantly attempting to be funny.
Her: "*Smiles and laughs before agreeing*"
Me: "Anyways, I really need to get back to studying for my exam." I am about to give her my number and tell her she can contact me, but I didn't want her to end up not texting me so I said..."How about you give me your (just before I say number I remembered to say...) contact information and I'll text you later. Either you text me back or you have a random number sitting in your phone."
Her: "Okay yea sure."
Me: "Alright, wait here, I just need to get my phone."
Walked over as confidently and smoothly as I could with the best sexy face I could muster before coming back.
Me: "And your number is?"
I get her number. We shake hands. I bid her off with a have a good day and I walk back to my belongings and I'm just in my own head, surprised at how everything turned out! First day game approach and I got all the way to getting her number.
I wanted to employ what The Tool does when first texting, but my phone died and I wasn't able to charge my phone until just a little over 3 hours later so I had to come here and look up what to do. And I am within Chase's 1-4 hour ideal time limit. Sent the text and was expecting her not to text back but she replied back promptly. Decided to setup a chase frame when she asked for my last name and she accepted it and gave me the same reply back.
Overall, things I need to work on are adding more chase and sexual frames during the conversation (based on what I remember, I should begin to test when my "stranger" vibe where's off). I should have moved her as well. My vocal fundamentals fell off but my body language was spot on. Speaking of body, I did not incorporate ANY touching whatsoever... that is quite frustrating with me now that I think about it. There's probably more and I'll surely get back to them, but right now I know the best thing for me to do is approach more girls so I don't mess this up. Lastly, I think this is great that I talked to this girl today and a girl on Friday. Hopefully I can get further results during winter.
Logistically speaking. I know I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but since she probably lives 15-20 minutes from my home, I'm sure we can arrange some meeting over break cos it wouldn't make sense for us to meet up anytime this week cos of finals. The only logical thing I could say is to study together but even then I know I wouldn't get any work done cos this really cute girl would be right up in my face.) There is this beautiful town right by my home, about 5 minutes away, with a starbucks on the corner at the heart of the main street. I am not a coffee guy, but I think that is the best place to have a conversation. If anyone can suggest me something to drink there or an alternative venue that would be very much appreciated.
Was a long read, but I just wanted to document this. Thanks for reading
- The Wise Fool
I decided to hang around one of the cafeterias and do work today (God knows I can't get work done alone in my room). While sitting and watching programming videos on my laptop to study for my exam, out of the corner of my eye I notice this BEAUTIFUL girl pass by!!! My eyes bugged out and I could not help myself from staring. She passes by and my jaw drops and in my head I'm yelling, "DUDE DUDE GO APPROACH HER!!!!!" I find this so funny because I posted in one of the threads a picture of this gorgeous indian actress and despite not getting a great look at her body cos she was in a pea coat, all I can say is my gosh this girl has the facial features! A battle in my head ensues for whether or not I am going to approach while I am casually looking back and then away to see if she's still around (Earlier, I'd let this one girl unknowingly go because I decided to wait a few more minutes before passing, didn't want the same mistake to happen again). Finally I decided, "Alright. After she orders her food I'm going to go up and talk to her." She orders and sits down and then I do nothing. At that point I was telling myself, "You are really gonna hate yourself if you let this girl pass by man. LOOK AT HER!!!!" I stopped, took my headphones out, said, "Fuck it", and walked the long way around to approach from her side.
Despite having talked to her just a hours ago, I can't remember the whole situation clearly but this is what I can remember:
Me: "Excuse me, are you single."
Her: "What?"
Me: "Are you single."
Her: "Yes. I am single." Her face is confused a bit which slightly scared me but I kept calm and continued onward despite nerves beginning to build. Reasoning: this doesn't happen often to her.
Me: "Okay cool... I was just curious. I thought you were really attractive and had to come over and tell you. I'm TheWiseFool.
Her: "*Mentions her name but repeat it back mistakenly so she mentions it again and I get it right*." I am terrible with names, need a memory trick for that.
Me: "So... what's your ethnicity?"
Her: "I'm Pakistani."
Me: "Wow *pretend surprise* I would have never guessed it." *I pause cos 1) I don't know what to say. 2) I want to see if she'll pick up the conversation.*
Her: "And what ethnicity are you?"
Me: "Me? I'm Filipino."
Her: "I have a lot of filipino friends. Do you know a sophomore by the name of Maria?"
Me: "Unfortunately I don't. This is my first semester here so I don't know many filipino people. Do you commute or do you live on campus?"
Her: "I commute, sorry" :/
Me: "*playfully* Ah man, that means I won't see you around often."
Her: "I knoooow *sad face* Hey, I'm sorry to tell you this but I'm not looking for a relationship right now *something something*, but we can be friends *smiles*"
Me: "That's cool. I'm not looking for a relationship either." I can tell she's trying to create a friend frame
Her: "Yea most of my friends are white, blue-eyed males so it'd be nice to have someone who's different."
Me: "Yea, I know the feeling. Most of my friends at my old school are mostly white." No offense my white brothers! I love and find all people interesting!
Her: "Yea they always want me to go out and party on the weekends."
Me: "That's funny cause my roommate is always telling me, 'Hey, you wanna go to the bar tonight?' and I always tell him, 'Yea.... I'm gonna stay in my room tonight...'" So, Where are you from?"
Her: "I went to *high school*." good cos she lives close by and break is coming up so even better if this works out
Me: "Oh cool, I used to run cross country so I know the place."
Her: "And you?"
Me: "*My high school.*"
*She smiles, which prompts me to ask*
Me: "Yea, when I mention it to people I get some jokes. What do you think of it?" I come from a high school where you are either really rich, stuck-up, and DGAF about high school or your parents are hard working and you take high school seriously. I am of the latter.
Her: "Um, I haven't heard anything bad about it, but I know a few things."
Me: "Oh good haha. So... what are you up to today?"
Her: "I have an engineering practical on IR systems"
Me: "And what are you going to be doing in that?"
Her: "Making an IR system."
*She makes a confused face, which I assume she doesn't think I know what she's talking about*
Me: "IR as in infrared system...?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "So as in practical you mean you are going to be making something, in this case an infrared system?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "And I'm guessing you have to get going soon cos of exams?"
Her: "*Something that alludes to her having to leave*"
Me: "Yea, I gotta get back to studying for my computer science exam tomorrow." *I was gonna use this to segway into getting her contact information, but...*
Her: "Oh cool, I'm a computer science minor."
Me: "Interesting. What do you want to do with that?"
*Someone from the cashier calls her receipt number. She tells me she has to get it and I wait patiently and give myself time to breathe and think, "Be cool. What would James Bond do?"*
After she returns, she decides to stand and is fully facing me, rather than sitting down beforehand.
Her: "I don't know. I've always liked it. *Mentions to computing languages then smiles kind of nervous about being seen as nerdy I guess*."
Me: "Hey, you know more than me! I just switched over."
Her: "What school did you come from?"
Me: *Gives doubtful expression* "I doubt you know of it cos it's a small liberal arts college, but it is *my old college*."
Her: "Oh no, I know of *my old college*."
*I genuinely smile and realize that I've started to relax*
Me: "Oh wow, I'm impressed. So what grade are you in?"
Her: "I'm a freshmen."
Me: "No way! I would have never guessed it."
Her: "Really? Most people tell me I look like I'm 13." YES! I'm not in the other category!
Me: "Yea, people always tell me I look younger than I actually am."
Her: "I'm surprised that you came up to talk to me during the day. *Something along the lines of, "It must take a lot of courage to do something like that"*."
Me: "Not really, I mean... you either watch someone pass by you or you don't." The not really part was me lying about it taking a lot of courage, but the second sentence is something I've ingrained into my head day after day of letting women that give me IOI's or approach invitations pass by.
Her: "*Some qualifying statement*. I wish I could do that. I want to live in *Dorm near my place* next year but my classes usually have no girls in them."
At this point, my genuine need to help people change "helpless" mentalities kicks in:
Me: "Well, you just gotta walk up to girls outside of class and talk to them."
Her: "Oh I could never do that. *Something indicating she's shy or afraid*."
Me: "It's easy. I do it all the time. We're presented opportunities all the time. It's our choice to make something happen or stay where we are at." Again referring back to my own behavior with seduction and hoping to implant in her brain to either make something here happen or not. She is either in it or not at this point but I know something is going on in her pretty, little head.
Her: "I don't believe you."
Me: "Well, I'm talking to you, right? *Some witty/sexual remark about 13 year olds*." In retrospect I remember that whatever I said would've been really weird if one were to actually think about... but she either let it go or she just understood that I was blatantly attempting to be funny.
Her: "*Smiles and laughs before agreeing*"
Me: "Anyways, I really need to get back to studying for my exam." I am about to give her my number and tell her she can contact me, but I didn't want her to end up not texting me so I said..."How about you give me your (just before I say number I remembered to say...) contact information and I'll text you later. Either you text me back or you have a random number sitting in your phone."
Her: "Okay yea sure."
Me: "Alright, wait here, I just need to get my phone."
Walked over as confidently and smoothly as I could with the best sexy face I could muster before coming back.
Me: "And your number is?"
I get her number. We shake hands. I bid her off with a have a good day and I walk back to my belongings and I'm just in my own head, surprised at how everything turned out! First day game approach and I got all the way to getting her number.
I wanted to employ what The Tool does when first texting, but my phone died and I wasn't able to charge my phone until just a little over 3 hours later so I had to come here and look up what to do. And I am within Chase's 1-4 hour ideal time limit. Sent the text and was expecting her not to text back but she replied back promptly. Decided to setup a chase frame when she asked for my last name and she accepted it and gave me the same reply back.
Overall, things I need to work on are adding more chase and sexual frames during the conversation (based on what I remember, I should begin to test when my "stranger" vibe where's off). I should have moved her as well. My vocal fundamentals fell off but my body language was spot on. Speaking of body, I did not incorporate ANY touching whatsoever... that is quite frustrating with me now that I think about it. There's probably more and I'll surely get back to them, but right now I know the best thing for me to do is approach more girls so I don't mess this up. Lastly, I think this is great that I talked to this girl today and a girl on Friday. Hopefully I can get further results during winter.
Logistically speaking. I know I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but since she probably lives 15-20 minutes from my home, I'm sure we can arrange some meeting over break cos it wouldn't make sense for us to meet up anytime this week cos of finals. The only logical thing I could say is to study together but even then I know I wouldn't get any work done cos this really cute girl would be right up in my face.) There is this beautiful town right by my home, about 5 minutes away, with a starbucks on the corner at the heart of the main street. I am not a coffee guy, but I think that is the best place to have a conversation. If anyone can suggest me something to drink there or an alternative venue that would be very much appreciated.
Was a long read, but I just wanted to document this. Thanks for reading
- The Wise Fool
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
HB8-9 (Gorgeous Pakistani Girl continued)
The text conversation of the night of meeting her:
I am not sure if I am setting myself for the friendzone with all the intrigue I am creating with this girl or if she is into me into me. I am talking to much which is worrying me but Idk... Can someone review my texts and tell me what they think?
Me: "Hey *Girl*, this is TheWiseFool. Save my number" Thank you Tool
Her: "Ok [: what's your last name btw? And are you sure you don't know a *Inserts common person we both know*?"
Me: "*My last name*. I'd say, "Don't go searching me up on facebook" but I don't have one, fortunately/unfortunately. And yours is? *I mention something about the common person we know*.
Her@9:29: "*Last name* is my last name and you probably shouldnt facebook me either.... I have so many privacy settings on [: and year *so and so* is a sweetheart."
Her@10:20: "I have a lot of privacy settings on so family from Pakistan won't find me*"
Me: "Oh really? Hopefully it's for good reasons. I don't think I'd be able to handle a bad girl hahaha"
Me: "Aside from my humor, I totally understand. Maybe we have a lot in common, who knows
Her: "Ah so im a little curious and I really hope you don't take offense to this. But how often do you go up to random people and ask if they're single? [:"
Me: "Take a guess, I'm sure you'd be surprised, but I have my reasons"
Her: "My guess would be often although you seem like a really decent guy"
Me: "Frankly, the number doesn't matter. What does matter is that when life comes knocking at your door, present in hand, waiting for you to take it... you either accept it with open arms and a big smile on your face or you tell Life, "I don't want it, it's not for me." You only get so many knocks, so many chances, before your left wishing life would come knocking at your door one more time. Whatever is in my past does not matter, all that matters is the present, the now, this moment because the present is where life begins"
Her: "I can understand that but you have to get a little curious when someone approaches you like that. I hope you didn't mind me asking. I take it your philosophy regarding opportunities is the reason you approached me. If you don't mind me asking, what led you to that conclusion about opportunities? I'm just curious"
Me: *I give her an answer about experiencing and growing as a person and imparting the idea that I am someone who does not want to ruin that for her*
Her: *So she gives me an answer that creates intrigue about herself, expressing the idea that she understands my words and that she herself has experience for life is indifferent to all beings*
At this point I realize that I should tone myself down and that I need to qualify her at this point, which I can do genuinely cos I like where our conversation is going. I am going to send one more text and close all texts for the rest of the night and pick it up two to three days from now. Hopefully setting a date after exams... But right now, I need to get this situation under control cos we are deep diving on text and that is not what I want.
As of now, I've realized that my actions have certainly been too much and I am currently on damage control...
The conversation right now is:
I reply back to her last text cos it needed to be qualified in some way, but after that I just stopped.
Afternoon the next day she replies back apologizing cos she fell asleep and also for keeping me from studying for my exam.
And I decided to test something and here is how it all goes:
Me@7:27pm: I'm sure I popped up in your dreams to greet you one way or another My exam became a take home exam pushed back by two days, so no worries darling
Her@7:33pm: Hay Eric.... you do remember that i would just like to be friends, right? [:
Me@8:06: Yes... I recall
Her@8:08: Sometimes people forget. Just making sure. Im actually just studying for a written programming final I have tomorrow.
Me@8:27: That is true. Aren't we friends yes?
Her@8:57: Yes I guess we're getting there. Although my friends generally don't refer to me as darling or anything of that sort (besides a few good friends).
Me@9:44: Well, my dear, this friend marches to the beat of a different drummer.
Her@9:57: So you're saying I would need to store you in a struct as opposed to the array of same type elements(friends)? Although I prefer vectors because theyre resizeable... Or maybe i just need to create a whole different class for you and your functions? o.o sorry im studying and i figured since youre a CS major, you may be able to follow that
Me@11:11pm: Seems like you are at a crossroads of sort. What do you want to do with me?
Me@11:16: Think it over. I'm going to bed. Study with desire and passion, get plenty of rest, and get some glucose in your system an hour to thirty minutes before your exam. You'll do great, but I'm sure you don't need a me to tell you that. Goodnight and sweet dreams, darling ;P
Her@9:04am: Psh I don't need fuel (mainly because I can't get myself to eat in the morning). That final was a joke.
My Thought Process:
@7:33pm: At this point anxiety hit me really bad... so I needed to calm myself and thought, what have you leaned from all your reading? And first thing that comes to mind is 1) ignoring her frame 2) reinforcing her frame but transforming it into a new frame. I just think, "What would Christian Grey do?" He is always in control of himself and the situation. He is rarely fazed, short, to the point, and talks to miss steele as if she is a child aka (i'm older than my actual age). Whatever he does creates intrigue within the woman's head. I'm no christian grey but damnit I said if I'm going out, I'm gonna persist to the end rather than accept her frame
@8:08: I'm thinking that she is trying to change the subject and solidify me in some category just like she does with every guy she meets
@8:27: Maybe I am framing this wrong, but my reasoning is aiming at saying, "Yes, we are friends... but we are going to be something different... something you aren't used to... you just don't know it yet.)
@8:57: As you can see... she is trying to steer me towards something I don't want to be, a friend.
@9:44: Me implying, "I'm different. I am not like other people. Expect the unexpected."
@9:57: Instead of answering her frame trying to prove myself I take her question and assume she doesn't know what she wants. I'm assuming she is possibly crumbling a bit cos she is losing control (I'm not giving her the expected responses, I'm not behaving the way she wants me to). How ever much control she has... I'm telling her, "I'm not like your friends child. Look I'll do it again, and again. I'm reasoning that if she's gonna stay here and take my crap... either she is 1) trying to put me in the friend zone cos she doesn't want to lose me. Maybe I came off as some guy that can leave her at any moment with all my implied words... 2) or you are interested and trying to get me to bow down." I didn't care if that was true or not I was just believing in the frame (frames are awesome...). These are all assumptions, she could very well just stop talking to me, but again, if I am going to lose this girl, it's gonna be to the very end. And if that is so... I might as well test things and push my current understood limits. To be honest, I am quite surprised she is still talking to me... I was expecting her to just ignore me like that cos she barely knows me at all... why continue right? I almost said, "screw it I'm never gonna be with her" after she reminded me about being just friends.
@11:16: I'm throwing in commands (think about it. Study. Get a lot of rest. Eat something before your exam. And I took the last sentence as a command... I want her to have a goodnight and sweet dreams) cos I was thinking about a part in Fifty Shades of Grey. Grey tells Ana to drive carefully on the way back to her home. Ana finds her self driving at a rather slow speed while on the highway, why is that? She attributes it to Mr. Grey's command to "Drive carefuly". I thought, "If this works here it must work in real life...". Why? I remember listening to this video about a guy reading tons of literotica and creating a process based off of all these books. The funny thing is... it worked... A LOT. So I said, why not do what the character does, the romantic archetype. The first text was me speaking to her subconscious. She doesn't need to answer it, especially since I threw the second text as a cover up (hoping to lighten the mood cos the tension was pretty heavy... at least for me).
@9:04: As you can see, she didn't answer my first text, but I'm sure she's going to be thinking about it because I am spending the whole day and better part of tomorrow with no contact whatsoever. I want her to think about what I said and then I'll come back and see if her behavior has changed. She is trying to challenge me by saying she doesn't need a bit of my advice, but then she comes off apologetic-like (in my head that's what I'm thinking) through her excuse. She tries to prove herself by saying the final was a joke.
From the last text (hers), I'd like to ask, "what should I say back?" I'm sure I can use a chase frame. There is one in particular I want to use, but I can't find it on the site or the forums, it may be in the book, I'll have to check later. Right now though, these are the things I want to respond with:
1: "Trying to impress me... okay *girl's name*..." (Whatever response she gives back idk...)
2: The same thing from above with the addition of "... I like it, but don't get any ideas. You need to know that I'm not easy, things will get a little rough, but I'm sure you don't mind. I like girls that *insert sexual frame connecting the word rough* (not sure about this, but I know it will work if I fix it up)
3. "Hmmm.... three of the four were completed. A 75%... that doesn't make me happy, but we're getting there. (Connecting back to the commands I gave her before I went to bed. She may have done well on her final, but she failed my test. Also, I connect back to her "Yes, I guess we're gettin there." Lastly, I make it three out of four, instead of four out of five in order to give myself plausible deniability in the contingency of her heading back to the "think it over" comment.
I know that I am probably making things much more complicated than they need to be, but I tend to overthink a lot (my INTJ nature). In addition, I hope my damage control is working out great and she does conform to my frame. I will propose the meet, and she is probably going to give me the friend thing again and I will use logic to win, but I certainly need to qualify her well to avoid emotion depletion. I NEED to move things forward... but I don't want to take her out and not end up back in some place we can get intimate. However, now that I am thinking about it, there is a park nearby the place I could take her. In due time, it will all come together, hopefully.
After three days of induced radio silence...
Me: Hey Freha, what’s your schedule look like this week?
Her (~hour later: What?
Me (~hour later): What does you schedule look like this week? When are you done finals. That kind of stuff
Me (~1.2 hours late): I wanted to suggest we meet up after finals for a meal or a drink (not the alcoholic kind....). You could get to know me and I you, if you are willing to take a jump at the opportunity
Her (15 minutes afterwards): I'm so sorry Eric but I don't think this opportunity is for me. Right now I'm concentrating on my studies. My dad sacrificed more than his dreams for me and the family and I want to make sure that his sacrifices are worth it. I'm sure you'll have plenty more opportunities [:
Me (~15 minutes later): That is completely understandable and admirable of you. I had to ask, just as I had when I walked up to you. Best wishes to whatever you choose to do in life. Wanted to leave you with this: "When I was a kid, there were so many things that I thought that I would have accomplished by 24 and 25, and now at 26, I've only accomplished one of those childhood goals, and I'm finally beginning to push myself to do the other dreams I had. Don't live in regret.
Really, you have to change your mindset to love the journey and not the goal. You need to love the practice and training -- the steps to it.
At the same time, you have to live and enjoy life too Don't let fun pass you by."
- Eric
Her: Well yes I have to be reminded every once in a while. Thank you [: who are you quoting? Or is that a personal quote?
Well, she kindly declined. Certainly something wrong with how I acted, but I could say it was just cos she wasn't looking for anything at this time in her life, school is more important, relating its importance to her father, who sacrificed much for his daughter to have this opportunity in her own life.
The next text I could send is to show that I understand her situation, and that I relate as both my parents are immigrants who went through their own trials, and that I'd still like to meet up... but I don't want to reinforce the friend frame cos I am a lone wolf kind of guy. In addition, my morals are to respect what she stands for simply because it is family. And I am just some stranger... family is always greater than stranger and I respect that.
Overall, rejection is not as bad as I thought it was and neither was the approach. Anxiety levels have dropped significantly and I am eager to approach more women as I see them as they are... human beings.
- The Wise Fool
PS. If anyone is wondering where I got the quote from, I took it from PinotNoir in his response to one of my own on a thread. Pinot, if you are reading this, I hope you don't mind, and I hope it isn't copyrighted (HA!). It was a beautiful quote and it was perfect for the moment, I couldn't resist!
The text conversation of the night of meeting her:
I am not sure if I am setting myself for the friendzone with all the intrigue I am creating with this girl or if she is into me into me. I am talking to much which is worrying me but Idk... Can someone review my texts and tell me what they think?
Me: "Hey *Girl*, this is TheWiseFool. Save my number
" Thank you Tool Her: "Ok [: what's your last name btw? And are you sure you don't know a *Inserts common person we both know*?"
Me: "*My last name*. I'd say, "Don't go searching me up on facebook" but I don't have one, fortunately/unfortunately. And yours is? *I mention something about the common person we know*.
Her@9:29: "*Last name* is my last name and you probably shouldnt facebook me either.... I have so many privacy settings on [: and year *so and so* is a sweetheart."
Her@10:20: "I have a lot of privacy settings on so family from Pakistan won't find me*"
Me: "Oh really? Hopefully it's for good reasons. I don't think I'd be able to handle a bad girl hahaha"
Me: "Aside from my humor, I totally understand. Maybe we have a lot in common, who knows
Her: "Ah so im a little curious and I really hope you don't take offense to this. But how often do you go up to random people and ask if they're single? [:"
Me: "Take a guess, I'm sure you'd be surprised, but I have my reasons"
Her: "My guess would be often although you seem like a really decent guy"
Me: "Frankly, the number doesn't matter. What does matter is that when life comes knocking at your door, present in hand, waiting for you to take it... you either accept it with open arms and a big smile on your face or you tell Life, "I don't want it, it's not for me." You only get so many knocks, so many chances, before your left wishing life would come knocking at your door one more time. Whatever is in my past does not matter, all that matters is the present, the now, this moment because the present is where life begins"
Her: "I can understand that but you have to get a little curious when someone approaches you like that. I hope you didn't mind me asking. I take it your philosophy regarding opportunities is the reason you approached me. If you don't mind me asking, what led you to that conclusion about opportunities? I'm just curious
"Me: *I give her an answer about experiencing and growing as a person and imparting the idea that I am someone who does not want to ruin that for her*
Her: *So she gives me an answer that creates intrigue about herself, expressing the idea that she understands my words and that she herself has experience for life is indifferent to all beings*
At this point I realize that I should tone myself down and that I need to qualify her at this point, which I can do genuinely cos I like where our conversation is going. I am going to send one more text and close all texts for the rest of the night and pick it up two to three days from now. Hopefully setting a date after exams... But right now, I need to get this situation under control cos we are deep diving on text and that is not what I want.
As of now, I've realized that my actions have certainly been too much and I am currently on damage control...
The conversation right now is:
I reply back to her last text cos it needed to be qualified in some way, but after that I just stopped.
Afternoon the next day she replies back apologizing cos she fell asleep and also for keeping me from studying for my exam.
And I decided to test something and here is how it all goes:
Me@7:27pm: I'm sure I popped up in your dreams to greet you one way or another
My exam became a take home exam pushed back by two days, so no worries darlingHer@7:33pm: Hay Eric.... you do remember that i would just like to be friends, right? [:
Me@8:06: Yes... I recall
Her@8:08: Sometimes people forget. Just making sure. Im actually just studying for a written programming final I have tomorrow.
Me@8:27: That is true. Aren't we friends yes?
Her@8:57: Yes I guess we're getting there. Although my friends generally don't refer to me as darling or anything of that sort (besides a few good friends).
Me@9:44: Well, my dear, this friend marches to the beat of a different drummer.
Her@9:57: So you're saying I would need to store you in a struct as opposed to the array of same type elements(friends)? Although I prefer vectors because theyre resizeable... Or maybe i just need to create a whole different class for you and your functions? o.o sorry im studying and i figured since youre a CS major, you may be able to follow that
Me@11:11pm: Seems like you are at a crossroads of sort. What do you want to do with me?
Me@11:16: Think it over. I'm going to bed. Study with desire and passion, get plenty of rest, and get some glucose in your system an hour to thirty minutes before your exam. You'll do great, but I'm sure you don't need a me to tell you that. Goodnight and sweet dreams, darling ;P
Her@9:04am: Psh I don't need fuel (mainly because I can't get myself to eat in the morning). That final was a joke.
My Thought Process:
@7:33pm: At this point anxiety hit me really bad... so I needed to calm myself and thought, what have you leaned from all your reading? And first thing that comes to mind is 1) ignoring her frame 2) reinforcing her frame but transforming it into a new frame. I just think, "What would Christian Grey do?" He is always in control of himself and the situation. He is rarely fazed, short, to the point, and talks to miss steele as if she is a child aka (i'm older than my actual age). Whatever he does creates intrigue within the woman's head. I'm no christian grey but damnit I said if I'm going out, I'm gonna persist to the end rather than accept her frame
@8:08: I'm thinking that she is trying to change the subject and solidify me in some category just like she does with every guy she meets
@8:27: Maybe I am framing this wrong, but my reasoning is aiming at saying, "Yes, we are friends... but we are going to be something different... something you aren't used to... you just don't know it yet.)
@8:57: As you can see... she is trying to steer me towards something I don't want to be, a friend.
@9:44: Me implying, "I'm different. I am not like other people. Expect the unexpected."
@9:57: Instead of answering her frame trying to prove myself I take her question and assume she doesn't know what she wants. I'm assuming she is possibly crumbling a bit cos she is losing control (I'm not giving her the expected responses, I'm not behaving the way she wants me to). How ever much control she has... I'm telling her, "I'm not like your friends child. Look I'll do it again, and again. I'm reasoning that if she's gonna stay here and take my crap... either she is 1) trying to put me in the friend zone cos she doesn't want to lose me. Maybe I came off as some guy that can leave her at any moment with all my implied words... 2) or you are interested and trying to get me to bow down." I didn't care if that was true or not I was just believing in the frame (frames are awesome...). These are all assumptions, she could very well just stop talking to me, but again, if I am going to lose this girl, it's gonna be to the very end. And if that is so... I might as well test things and push my current understood limits. To be honest, I am quite surprised she is still talking to me... I was expecting her to just ignore me like that cos she barely knows me at all... why continue right? I almost said, "screw it I'm never gonna be with her" after she reminded me about being just friends.
@11:16: I'm throwing in commands (think about it. Study. Get a lot of rest. Eat something before your exam. And I took the last sentence as a command... I want her to have a goodnight and sweet dreams) cos I was thinking about a part in Fifty Shades of Grey. Grey tells Ana to drive carefully on the way back to her home. Ana finds her self driving at a rather slow speed while on the highway, why is that? She attributes it to Mr. Grey's command to "Drive carefuly". I thought, "If this works here it must work in real life...". Why? I remember listening to this video about a guy reading tons of literotica and creating a process based off of all these books. The funny thing is... it worked... A LOT. So I said, why not do what the character does, the romantic archetype. The first text was me speaking to her subconscious. She doesn't need to answer it, especially since I threw the second text as a cover up (hoping to lighten the mood cos the tension was pretty heavy... at least for me).
@9:04: As you can see, she didn't answer my first text, but I'm sure she's going to be thinking about it because I am spending the whole day and better part of tomorrow with no contact whatsoever. I want her to think about what I said and then I'll come back and see if her behavior has changed. She is trying to challenge me by saying she doesn't need a bit of my advice, but then she comes off apologetic-like (in my head that's what I'm thinking) through her excuse. She tries to prove herself by saying the final was a joke.
From the last text (hers), I'd like to ask, "what should I say back?" I'm sure I can use a chase frame. There is one in particular I want to use, but I can't find it on the site or the forums, it may be in the book, I'll have to check later. Right now though, these are the things I want to respond with:
1: "Trying to impress me... okay *girl's name*..." (Whatever response she gives back idk...)
2: The same thing from above with the addition of "... I like it, but don't get any ideas. You need to know that I'm not easy, things will get a little rough, but I'm sure you don't mind. I like girls that *insert sexual frame connecting the word rough* (not sure about this, but I know it will work if I fix it up)
3. "Hmmm.... three of the four were completed. A 75%... that doesn't make me happy, but we're getting there. (Connecting back to the commands I gave her before I went to bed. She may have done well on her final, but she failed my test. Also, I connect back to her "Yes, I guess we're gettin there." Lastly, I make it three out of four, instead of four out of five in order to give myself plausible deniability in the contingency of her heading back to the "think it over" comment.
I know that I am probably making things much more complicated than they need to be, but I tend to overthink a lot (my INTJ nature). In addition, I hope my damage control is working out great and she does conform to my frame. I will propose the meet, and she is probably going to give me the friend thing again and I will use logic to win, but I certainly need to qualify her well to avoid emotion depletion. I NEED to move things forward... but I don't want to take her out and not end up back in some place we can get intimate. However, now that I am thinking about it, there is a park nearby the place I could take her. In due time, it will all come together, hopefully.
After three days of induced radio silence...
Me: Hey Freha, what’s your schedule look like this week?
Her (~hour later: What?
Me (~hour later): What does you schedule look like this week? When are you done finals. That kind of stuff
Me (~1.2 hours late): I wanted to suggest we meet up after finals for a meal or a drink (not the alcoholic kind....). You could get to know me and I you, if you are willing to take a jump at the opportunity
Her (15 minutes afterwards): I'm so sorry Eric but I don't think this opportunity is for me. Right now I'm concentrating on my studies. My dad sacrificed more than his dreams for me and the family and I want to make sure that his sacrifices are worth it. I'm sure you'll have plenty more opportunities [:
Me (~15 minutes later): That is completely understandable and admirable of you. I had to ask, just as I had when I walked up to you. Best wishes to whatever you choose to do in life. Wanted to leave you with this: "When I was a kid, there were so many things that I thought that I would have accomplished by 24 and 25, and now at 26, I've only accomplished one of those childhood goals, and I'm finally beginning to push myself to do the other dreams I had. Don't live in regret.
Really, you have to change your mindset to love the journey and not the goal. You need to love the practice and training -- the steps to it.
At the same time, you have to live and enjoy life too
Don't let fun pass you by."- Eric
Her: Well yes I have to be reminded every once in a while. Thank you [: who are you quoting? Or is that a personal quote?
Well, she kindly declined. Certainly something wrong with how I acted, but I could say it was just cos she wasn't looking for anything at this time in her life, school is more important, relating its importance to her father, who sacrificed much for his daughter to have this opportunity in her own life.
The next text I could send is to show that I understand her situation, and that I relate as both my parents are immigrants who went through their own trials, and that I'd still like to meet up... but I don't want to reinforce the friend frame cos I am a lone wolf kind of guy. In addition, my morals are to respect what she stands for simply because it is family. And I am just some stranger... family is always greater than stranger and I respect that.
Overall, rejection is not as bad as I thought it was and neither was the approach. Anxiety levels have dropped significantly and I am eager to approach more women as I see them as they are... human beings.
- The Wise Fool
PS. If anyone is wondering where I got the quote from, I took it from PinotNoir in his response to one of my own on a thread. Pinot, if you are reading this, I hope you don't mind, and I hope it isn't copyrighted (HA!). It was a beautiful quote and it was perfect for the moment, I couldn't resist!
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2013
- Messages
- 441
Enjoyed the story about meeting the Pakistan girl at the cafeteria. I'm in college as well and ALWAYS see attractive girls sitting by themselves eating food, especially around lunchtime.
Read you had a computer (and probably other materials) while sitting down. Can you explain more about the approach? I'd like to try something like this.
Did you pick everything up and approach with your hands full?
Did you approach by "plopping" down in the seat on the side of her or standing up?
Look forward to hearing more!
Read you had a computer (and probably other materials) while sitting down. Can you explain more about the approach? I'd like to try something like this.
Did you pick everything up and approach with your hands full?
Did you approach by "plopping" down in the seat on the side of her or standing up?
Look forward to hearing more!
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Barry,
Very true... just this morning this model like girl was by me, sitting alone, just looking down at her phone. I could tell that she had some self-esteem issues simply because she was INSANELY skinny (in my opinion)... my gosh.... I wanted to talk to her aside from any sort of seduction, simply because everyone needs a friend... I've seen her alone MANY times... I've sort of grown to pity beautiful women, especially taller ones... that must be difficult to be intimidating not only to men, but also your own female colleagues. "Why would she want someone like me to bother her?" More often than not, they are friendly... just from personal experience...
In response to your question, I was up on a bar-like lounge area overlooking the area. There are two entrances on the sides of the lounge. One would have led me to approach her directly, the other, which I chose, is farther back so it gave me time to enter from outside her peripheral vision.
I left my stuff where it was and just took myself and the clothes on my back. When I got to her, she was sitting down, I was standing up. I was facing her directly, she was at a <90 angle. I did not think of sitting down or moving her, but those would have been great to have done. I was in a "fight or flight" situation as I've never walked up to a girl in the day for her number. I forgot to setup the date which would have further defined for me if she was down or not AND would have saved me a TON of time. I realize now it's not good practice to make assumptions. I assumed that she was using the friend frame to test me, but maybe she isn't. She is a chemical engineer after all, that major requires a lot of work and effort. After she retrieved her meal, she did end up standing and facing me, rather than sitting down, which was nice. I would say that I was really close to her when I opened... like 1-2 feet away... personal bubble almost... but I wasn't aware at the time. When she got up, we were about 2 feet apart if that helps
- The Wise Fool
Very true... just this morning this model like girl was by me, sitting alone, just looking down at her phone. I could tell that she had some self-esteem issues simply because she was INSANELY skinny (in my opinion)... my gosh.... I wanted to talk to her aside from any sort of seduction, simply because everyone needs a friend... I've seen her alone MANY times... I've sort of grown to pity beautiful women, especially taller ones... that must be difficult to be intimidating not only to men, but also your own female colleagues. "Why would she want someone like me to bother her?" More often than not, they are friendly... just from personal experience...
In response to your question, I was up on a bar-like lounge area overlooking the area. There are two entrances on the sides of the lounge. One would have led me to approach her directly, the other, which I chose, is farther back so it gave me time to enter from outside her peripheral vision.
I left my stuff where it was and just took myself and the clothes on my back. When I got to her, she was sitting down, I was standing up. I was facing her directly, she was at a <90 angle. I did not think of sitting down or moving her, but those would have been great to have done. I was in a "fight or flight" situation as I've never walked up to a girl in the day for her number. I forgot to setup the date which would have further defined for me if she was down or not AND would have saved me a TON of time. I realize now it's not good practice to make assumptions. I assumed that she was using the friend frame to test me, but maybe she isn't. She is a chemical engineer after all, that major requires a lot of work and effort. After she retrieved her meal, she did end up standing and facing me, rather than sitting down, which was nice. I would say that I was really close to her when I opened... like 1-2 feet away... personal bubble almost... but I wasn't aware at the time. When she got up, we were about 2 feet apart if that helps
- The Wise Fool
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2013
- Messages
- 441
What a coincidence! My first daygame approach I talked to a girl while she was sitting down and got the number too. Great that you can string a convo that together like that. Mine had tons of awkward pauses and I was tipsy
Thanks for the details. You mentioned standing during the entire approach, I'd probably do the same because she was just there for food. I'll keep that in mind, asking for permission to sit depending on the duration of her staying there.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Barry,
"Big things have small beginnings" - T.E. Lawrence
- The Wise Fool
"Big things have small beginnings" - T.E. Lawrence
- The Wise Fool
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Realization of Living Without Regret
Short and sweet summary: live not in the shadow of unknowing and regret but in the light of knowledge, truth, and life. It is better to have lived and known failure then to have never failed and never lived at all.
A recent motif in my life that God has been making known to me is the motif of living without regret. Since joining GC, opportunities in the form of women are things I've become well aware of much more so than I've ever been aware of in my entire life. This girl here, that girl there, "Is she looking at me or is she looking at someone behind me?", "That girls too tall, I'm too short", "it'll never workout", "she looks busy, I don't want to take up her time", "she's not my type", etcetera etcetera. I know I approached just one girl and got her number and pushed the interaction as far as I could, but there was more I could have done. I could have ignored her comment about school and proposed relatability from my own life. But I didn't... that's just it... I CHOSE, key word CHOSE, to respect her wishes like a good guy would. I am not saying that is bad, but I am certainly not living like I'm dying.
I am a huge proponent of drugs, especially if you're a control freak like myself. Every time I've tried them, I always end up in an "I'm dying scenario" and my mind has become something else as a result of all of it (I'm not some huge addict, I just tried to experience what it's like, curiosity killed the cat). Anyways, all though I was not in any physical danger, when informed by friends afterwards, my mind believed that I was. I understand what it's like to die: the emotions and thoughts. It's a rollercoaster and a life changing experience that I don't recommend for anyone because no one wants to die. In understanding death, I understand the importance of life and appreciating every second that we're given. When the clock was ticking down to my last final moments... I did go through bits of my life and asked myself, "What more could I have done?" There'd be areas where I wanted to change things or wanted to do something more, but it was too late... I missed my shot. "If only I had more time..." I'd think. But here I am now, with more time. And I need to realize again how I can't live life in partiality but in it's totality. I need to walk up to all girls I'm interested in and who are interested in me. I need to push interactions to their limits because dammit I've been at this new university for a whole semester and I'm just noticing that I meet people or see a girl that I like and they are gone, just like that, lost to the sea of sand that is humanity. If I'll never see them again or meeting them again is rare, then so be it! I don't want to live life wondering!!! I'd rather live having done what I've done, having lived and known the truth and outcome rather than sitting in some chair or eating at lunch wondering and wondering and wondering about a past I can't change. "You've had your chance at life, it's my turn now." That's what I always want to say to people who try to live the lives they were to scared to live through you. Too scared to get hurt, wanted to test it on you, wasn't courageous enough to live.
You know what I also learned while on drugs? True understanding of the fact that we can never have a perfect moment. There are no duplicates in the universe, just as you can't have identical toys or clones. There is an ID tag that distinguishes toys from one another, and clones may be off by an atom or two. God is perfection in all things. The position of perfection in whatever it may be is reserved for Him. When we understand that no two moments in the universe are the same and that God is the most perfect thing possible, we can let go and just enjoy the ride, just enjoy life. Give it your best, but don't kill yourself trying to reach some unattainable standard. That's not happiness, that's the story of Sisyphus. So live and fail, again and again and again.
I just remembered why I made my name the Wise Fool. Be the fool. Be the fool because it is wise to be foolish. It is through our own foolishness that we become wise. Wise men are not simply born, they are forged from the furnace of failure, from courage, from insanity, from a zest for life. More often than not, fools learn from their mistakes and become the wisemen that we look up to and come to for advice. It is unwise for one to listen to the wisemen who poke fun at the fools. Especially the wise men who tell you, "You'll get hurt. It's too painful. It doesn't work." Unless whatever their talking about is a matter between life and death, test and try for yourself, collect the experience and move on from their. I tell you now that laymen proclaim this fool wise, unknowing that he simply put in the time and effort to understand that which he understands. I live my life as the fool, because I know one day I will be wise.
- The Wise Fool
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
Short and sweet summary: live not in the shadow of unknowing and regret but in the light of knowledge, truth, and life. It is better to have lived and known failure then to have never failed and never lived at all.
A recent motif in my life that God has been making known to me is the motif of living without regret. Since joining GC, opportunities in the form of women are things I've become well aware of much more so than I've ever been aware of in my entire life. This girl here, that girl there, "Is she looking at me or is she looking at someone behind me?", "That girls too tall, I'm too short", "it'll never workout", "she looks busy, I don't want to take up her time", "she's not my type", etcetera etcetera. I know I approached just one girl and got her number and pushed the interaction as far as I could, but there was more I could have done. I could have ignored her comment about school and proposed relatability from my own life. But I didn't... that's just it... I CHOSE, key word CHOSE, to respect her wishes like a good guy would. I am not saying that is bad, but I am certainly not living like I'm dying.
I am a huge proponent of drugs, especially if you're a control freak like myself. Every time I've tried them, I always end up in an "I'm dying scenario" and my mind has become something else as a result of all of it (I'm not some huge addict, I just tried to experience what it's like, curiosity killed the cat). Anyways, all though I was not in any physical danger, when informed by friends afterwards, my mind believed that I was. I understand what it's like to die: the emotions and thoughts. It's a rollercoaster and a life changing experience that I don't recommend for anyone because no one wants to die. In understanding death, I understand the importance of life and appreciating every second that we're given. When the clock was ticking down to my last final moments... I did go through bits of my life and asked myself, "What more could I have done?" There'd be areas where I wanted to change things or wanted to do something more, but it was too late... I missed my shot. "If only I had more time..." I'd think. But here I am now, with more time. And I need to realize again how I can't live life in partiality but in it's totality. I need to walk up to all girls I'm interested in and who are interested in me. I need to push interactions to their limits because dammit I've been at this new university for a whole semester and I'm just noticing that I meet people or see a girl that I like and they are gone, just like that, lost to the sea of sand that is humanity. If I'll never see them again or meeting them again is rare, then so be it! I don't want to live life wondering!!! I'd rather live having done what I've done, having lived and known the truth and outcome rather than sitting in some chair or eating at lunch wondering and wondering and wondering about a past I can't change. "You've had your chance at life, it's my turn now." That's what I always want to say to people who try to live the lives they were to scared to live through you. Too scared to get hurt, wanted to test it on you, wasn't courageous enough to live.
You know what I also learned while on drugs? True understanding of the fact that we can never have a perfect moment. There are no duplicates in the universe, just as you can't have identical toys or clones. There is an ID tag that distinguishes toys from one another, and clones may be off by an atom or two. God is perfection in all things. The position of perfection in whatever it may be is reserved for Him. When we understand that no two moments in the universe are the same and that God is the most perfect thing possible, we can let go and just enjoy the ride, just enjoy life. Give it your best, but don't kill yourself trying to reach some unattainable standard. That's not happiness, that's the story of Sisyphus. So live and fail, again and again and again.
I just remembered why I made my name the Wise Fool. Be the fool. Be the fool because it is wise to be foolish. It is through our own foolishness that we become wise. Wise men are not simply born, they are forged from the furnace of failure, from courage, from insanity, from a zest for life. More often than not, fools learn from their mistakes and become the wisemen that we look up to and come to for advice. It is unwise for one to listen to the wisemen who poke fun at the fools. Especially the wise men who tell you, "You'll get hurt. It's too painful. It doesn't work." Unless whatever their talking about is a matter between life and death, test and try for yourself, collect the experience and move on from their. I tell you now that laymen proclaim this fool wise, unknowing that he simply put in the time and effort to understand that which he understands. I live my life as the fool, because I know one day I will be wise.
- The Wise Fool
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
26 December 2013
Went to the mall at 6:15 to do practice. Spent 2 and a half hours walking back and forth and I didn't approach ANYONE!!! I am so embarassed and frustrated with myself. All the questions I have while walking are ones that can be easily solved if I would just start the conversation, but I just didn't want to... I was too busy being in my cool guy comfort zone... "We only grow outside of our comfort zone." Sigh. Heading back again tomorrow. I did stop at Barnes and Noble for an hour and it seems that I like the women I see there better. They are all generally older than me and well dressed, which is my preferred type of woman.
Went to the mall at 6:15 to do practice. Spent 2 and a half hours walking back and forth and I didn't approach ANYONE!!! I am so embarassed and frustrated with myself. All the questions I have while walking are ones that can be easily solved if I would just start the conversation, but I just didn't want to... I was too busy being in my cool guy comfort zone... "We only grow outside of our comfort zone." Sigh. Heading back again tomorrow. I did stop at Barnes and Noble for an hour and it seems that I like the women I see there better. They are all generally older than me and well dressed, which is my preferred type of woman.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Casanova,
Thanks for the advice. I totally forgot about that. Like warming up before a workout or run! I'm also going to make a rule that I can't leave a store until I talk to at least one woman. It will give me some sort of purpose instead of meandering into random stores and then walking out.
- The Wise Fool
Hopefully, I will be back tonight with fruitful results and notes
Thanks for the advice. I totally forgot about that. Like warming up before a workout or run! I'm also going to make a rule that I can't leave a store until I talk to at least one woman. It will give me some sort of purpose instead of meandering into random stores and then walking out.
Thank you! I am humbled
- The Wise Fool
Hopefully, I will be back tonight with fruitful results and notes
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Winter practice Day 1 and Day 2
Dec 27
I did not go to the mall today. Mom and dad were working so I stayed home.
Dec 28
Arrival: 12:04pm
Rules:
1. Must approach a girl every 30 minutes
2. 10 minute break in between each approach to right up report
3. I can't leave a store until I approach a girl (preventing the social butterfly effect, except instead of women it's stores...)
12:24 Macy's: group of 3: 2 girls: hot girl and chubby and one short, chubby guy: either shopping friend or boyfriend. I was sifting through clothes and they were popping where I was and I was walking away to test and see if they were following me... I didn't quite know how to steal glances without coming off actually checking them out. However, as I'm writing this, I need to give a little to get something back. I know that getting caught checking a girl out first is a no no here but i need to test this... There was a moment when i was in the changing room, the three walked in and the guy asked one of them to get him a different size of pants... I left a little earlier to the same area i was before to drop off my shirt, which was too big. I hear someone behind me but I don't turn around and keep my cool. Return my shirt, turn and remain aloof while using my periphs and I see that the girl returning the pants is the one I want to approach. Unfortunately I let the moment pass and she was alone...
I walk away... and here I am writing this...
op she just popped by a pair of pants by me brb...
and I said fuck it just go.
Walked straight up and...
Me: "excuse me"
Her: "Oh I don't work here..."
Me: "Oh..." I don't know what to say... so... "Are you single?"
Her: "Married."
Me: "How old are you?"
Her: "70." ignoring me and in auto pilot (which I didnt know at the time...) At that point I was like okay so I just kindly bowed out
Me: "Oh alright, have a good day." polite smile then walked away.
I had about 3 minutes before 12:30 so I am glad that I didn't fail the timer. I should have called her out on her bullshit rather than acting like a pussy.... that was not romantic at all. She had this deer in the headlights look... certainly in auto pilot. I gave up too soon. I also didn't pre-open...
Could have done something like, "Do you always talk lie when someone asks you questions?" It was pretty fucking obvious she was lying... I should have laughed or played along... fucking hell, get it together man. She is just a girl... you even saw as soon as you opened that she had makeup all up on her face... unnatural and a turnoff... each approach should be performed as if it were your last one. Success leaves clues and most guys say the last one is usually their best.
This was my one and only approach for today. For future reference, stop here if you wish to save time that could he spent somewhere else before you die. Rest of this entry will be all ORs
12:31-1:00pm Approached no one cos I was trying out clothes at banana republic. Bought a $75 sweater for $29.39, WHAT WHAT POST-CHRISTMAS SAVINGS!!!
1:01-1:55pm no one. It's been an hour. I need to follow these rules much more strictly.
2:35pm trapped in Nordstrom!!! I will say that in this period, there was a girl from high school who passed by. She was one of the popular girls you were never really attracted to but a lot of the guys in your grade were attracted to. I find that that is a special trait about yourself, you are much more attracted to the girl on the inside because you grew up in a place where people are all nice on the outside but so rude and selfish and snobby on the inside. The benefit is that when you do move from here, your experiences with people will just go upwards. You understand a cutthroat society and the importance of being a good communicator and people person. However, such a folly that could befall you is a lack of empathy in pursuit of displaying dominance. I suggest exerting a bit of vulnerability. I noticed very much so today that women are intimidated by you... it's not what you want but it is expected... don't get all hotty and prideful, I am just indicating an observation.
3:13pm nothing at the north face except beautiful athletic girls.
3:35pm complimented on my jacket by a girl who came over to tell me behind the register. the other cashier girl was cute and I could tell I made her nervous, but i didn't do anything again...
4:08 after sitting down to eat I got my head focused and am just gonna go through each step of my process. I will move practice one step until mastery, before moving on to the next one.
In addition, I was walking on the second floor along the side of the railings. This girl's mom started moving to the side so her daughter would be on a practical collision course with me and she was dressed really nice and didn't look bad. I let nerves get to me cos I was like, "WTF MOM!?! WHAT A BOSS!!!" Unfortunately, I let such a perfect moment go. If anything my confidence is soaring, but confidence doesn't make a great seducer, it's only part of the equation. GGGRRR!!! I mean really!!! She was primming her hair and looking everywhere but me! I was so happy with jus that that I began to smile to myself and looked away. Understand that that girl just felt rejection by you... everytime a girl goes out of her way to show you that she is interested you get in there and give her something to let her know that she is worth having someone to make her feel good. Don't go all white knightey on me but be a man man! Stop being that little boy who gets all excited when all these cute little girls are waving hello or hi. *Sigh* You'll always be that little kid on the inside. I love it and hate it.
that's how it's been today... I approached this girl 30 minutes upon entering the mall, but that was the only one. One more than yesterday, but still! *Sigh* blocks Eric, blocks. When you set out to build a wall, you build it brick by brick, not all in one moment. So set out to build your wall. Put down one brick at a time, as best as a brick can be laid, and one day... one day... you'll have your wall.
Tomorrow is Sunday so the mall is open for only 9 hours!
6:30am wakeup, brush teeth, quarter bottle of water, pieces of banana, trainers, stretch, lift, breakfast, shower, change, mall from 10 to 5pm. You can do it, you can do it! You can do it! Don't just say it and avoid it! Attack your goals with strength and fervor! With a spirit of fire that will never be quenched! Do something epic ahha!!! Believe it. Fake it until you make it. NLP! Most of all, have fun with it All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy or make work play and play work.
Dec 27
I did not go to the mall today. Mom and dad were working so I stayed home.
Dec 28
Arrival: 12:04pm
Rules:
1. Must approach a girl every 30 minutes
2. 10 minute break in between each approach to right up report
3. I can't leave a store until I approach a girl (preventing the social butterfly effect, except instead of women it's stores...)
12:24 Macy's: group of 3: 2 girls: hot girl and chubby and one short, chubby guy: either shopping friend or boyfriend. I was sifting through clothes and they were popping where I was and I was walking away to test and see if they were following me... I didn't quite know how to steal glances without coming off actually checking them out. However, as I'm writing this, I need to give a little to get something back. I know that getting caught checking a girl out first is a no no here but i need to test this... There was a moment when i was in the changing room, the three walked in and the guy asked one of them to get him a different size of pants... I left a little earlier to the same area i was before to drop off my shirt, which was too big. I hear someone behind me but I don't turn around and keep my cool. Return my shirt, turn and remain aloof while using my periphs and I see that the girl returning the pants is the one I want to approach. Unfortunately I let the moment pass and she was alone...
I walk away... and here I am writing this...
op she just popped by a pair of pants by me brb...
and I said fuck it just go.
Walked straight up and...
Me: "excuse me"
Her: "Oh I don't work here..."
Me: "Oh..." I don't know what to say... so... "Are you single?"
Her: "Married."
Me: "How old are you?"
Her: "70." ignoring me and in auto pilot (which I didnt know at the time...) At that point I was like okay so I just kindly bowed out
Me: "Oh alright, have a good day." polite smile then walked away.
I had about 3 minutes before 12:30 so I am glad that I didn't fail the timer. I should have called her out on her bullshit rather than acting like a pussy.... that was not romantic at all. She had this deer in the headlights look... certainly in auto pilot. I gave up too soon. I also didn't pre-open...
Could have done something like, "Do you always talk lie when someone asks you questions?" It was pretty fucking obvious she was lying... I should have laughed or played along... fucking hell, get it together man. She is just a girl... you even saw as soon as you opened that she had makeup all up on her face... unnatural and a turnoff... each approach should be performed as if it were your last one. Success leaves clues and most guys say the last one is usually their best.
This was my one and only approach for today. For future reference, stop here if you wish to save time that could he spent somewhere else before you die. Rest of this entry will be all ORs
12:31-1:00pm Approached no one cos I was trying out clothes at banana republic. Bought a $75 sweater for $29.39, WHAT WHAT POST-CHRISTMAS SAVINGS!!!
1:01-1:55pm no one. It's been an hour. I need to follow these rules much more strictly.
2:35pm trapped in Nordstrom!!! I will say that in this period, there was a girl from high school who passed by. She was one of the popular girls you were never really attracted to but a lot of the guys in your grade were attracted to. I find that that is a special trait about yourself, you are much more attracted to the girl on the inside because you grew up in a place where people are all nice on the outside but so rude and selfish and snobby on the inside. The benefit is that when you do move from here, your experiences with people will just go upwards. You understand a cutthroat society and the importance of being a good communicator and people person. However, such a folly that could befall you is a lack of empathy in pursuit of displaying dominance. I suggest exerting a bit of vulnerability. I noticed very much so today that women are intimidated by you... it's not what you want but it is expected... don't get all hotty and prideful, I am just indicating an observation.
3:13pm nothing at the north face except beautiful athletic girls.
3:35pm complimented on my jacket by a girl who came over to tell me behind the register. the other cashier girl was cute and I could tell I made her nervous, but i didn't do anything again...
4:08 after sitting down to eat I got my head focused and am just gonna go through each step of my process. I will move practice one step until mastery, before moving on to the next one.
In addition, I was walking on the second floor along the side of the railings. This girl's mom started moving to the side so her daughter would be on a practical collision course with me and she was dressed really nice and didn't look bad. I let nerves get to me cos I was like, "WTF MOM!?! WHAT A BOSS!!!" Unfortunately, I let such a perfect moment go. If anything my confidence is soaring, but confidence doesn't make a great seducer, it's only part of the equation. GGGRRR!!! I mean really!!! She was primming her hair and looking everywhere but me! I was so happy with jus that that I began to smile to myself and looked away. Understand that that girl just felt rejection by you... everytime a girl goes out of her way to show you that she is interested you get in there and give her something to let her know that she is worth having someone to make her feel good. Don't go all white knightey on me but be a man man! Stop being that little boy who gets all excited when all these cute little girls are waving hello or hi. *Sigh* You'll always be that little kid on the inside. I love it and hate it.
that's how it's been today... I approached this girl 30 minutes upon entering the mall, but that was the only one. One more than yesterday, but still! *Sigh* blocks Eric, blocks. When you set out to build a wall, you build it brick by brick, not all in one moment. So set out to build your wall. Put down one brick at a time, as best as a brick can be laid, and one day... one day... you'll have your wall.
Tomorrow is Sunday so the mall is open for only 9 hours!
6:30am wakeup, brush teeth, quarter bottle of water, pieces of banana, trainers, stretch, lift, breakfast, shower, change, mall from 10 to 5pm. You can do it, you can do it! You can do it! Don't just say it and avoid it! Attack your goals with strength and fervor! With a spirit of fire that will never be quenched! Do something epic ahha!!! Believe it. Fake it until you make it. NLP! Most of all, have fun with it
All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy or make work play and play work.