Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the fix.

uForia

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Boy I didn't know complaining on GirlsChase repeatedly like this would bring me Chase's, Franco's, Richard's, etc. attention and responses to this magnitude for free (other than the time spent writing the posts). This incentivizes me to start complaining a lot too.
 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

uForia said:
Boy I didn't know complaining on GirlsChase repeatedly like this would bring me Chase's, Franco's, Richard's, etc. attention and responses to this magnitude for free (other than the time spent writing the posts). This incentivizes me to start complaining a lot too.
High risk and high reward. You also have to take action and prove that you are actually doing something than just complaining or else you just get straight banned. Plus you have to have something in your life you want so bad and makes you so miserable for not having it that your free time is spent on this forum wondering what the fuck is going on and how do you fix it.

Did I give you enough advice there Mr. Passive Aggressive?
 

Chase

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

@uForia-

uForia said:
Boy I didn't know complaining on GirlsChase repeatedly like this would bring me Chase's, Franco's, Richard's, etc. attention and responses to this magnitude for free (other than the time spent writing the posts). This incentivizes me to start complaining a lot too.
Franco suggested it was time to ban PeachFrustration. He pointed me to this thread.

I figured before we just go and ban him, let me give it a shot and see if we can get PF working on something productive.

And if that doesn't work, then we ban him.

So yeah, it can get my attention. Of course as you've seen with Ryan, and with that guy who was talking about how cold approach doesn't work and only the gym works, or with Altair, or whomever, much of the time a last-ditch effort from Chase to get a guy on the right path immediately precedes a ban.

(also, I realize I haven't been on the boards much. This year's been chaotic with the amount of things we're adding into the business. It is this thing at the back of my mind all the time: "Chase has got to get back on the boards! At least one day a month of heavy posting!" Gonna try to give it a little more love)


@PeachFrustration-

Okay, that's a strong list of good positive attributes you have. Very good. You're not starting from zero.

Also, there's no way you should be whining nearly this much with all those good things going on for you. You're clearly in a better position than a lot of guys. Have pulled yourself out of depression, can do cold approach to get dates and sex, you're generally liked/missed in the circles you engage in... I mean, the impression you give online is this morose, glum guy with a dead social life who just sucks the life out of everything with whining/complaining.

This is my last-ditch effort to get you being a positive dude again and not sucking the life out of the boards before I ban you for it, it's that bad. You're dragging down everyone -- take a look at how much good will you've squandered from the other guys here. You did that, it's not "life just didn't give you the opportunity to make a good impression" or something.

The poison of victim mentality is it traps you into "I want" and blinds you to "I must do."

Now this:

PeachFrustration said:
So I am wondering what I can work on now.
Task #2:

List out the things I and the other posters in this thread have told you you should be working on now.

And if you write anything like "these things won't help me get where I want to get to" you fail the exercise.

And probably get banned also, TBH.

Chase
 

Proactivity

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

A word on Atlanta since I have family there and have had a few stays there as well. The “in crowd” in Atlanta is almost exclusively run through the good ole boy fraternity network. A lot of the people you see who own, manage and work at the bars in the Buckhead area (which is where all of the prime girls gather) went to high school together or at least in the same county.

Atlanta is a big city in terms of population but culturally, it is a small town.

Things such as what sport you played in high school (football is popular since it is the south), what fraternity you were in during your college days and who in the “in crowd” you know carry a whole lot of weight in the city. Now that is why you see so many overweight, boring, plain and overall less than attractive guys who would be toast in other cities with hot girls in Atlanta. The reason is that these guys have the good ole boy status from there college and high school days or are very close to someone who was popular then.

Now this doesn’t mean game there is necessarily hard, your competition on the surface is very much lacking compared to a city like NYC, Chicago, Miami or Los Angeles where you are dealing with naturals on the regular. I found that a well put together account on dating apps with stellar photos will get you some dates and quality.

The issue here is going to be that the “in crowd” of Atlanta which usually gathers at bars, nightclubs and lives that party lifestyle is for the most part not that accessible. Local guys know they can’t stack up to outside competition so they get real possessive of women they know. A lot of the hot southern belle types, often former sorority girls, are also weary of the hit to their status and how harshly they will be judged for getting with an outsider.

So while you can most definitely get laid in the city, the social scene itself is very tricky to navigate. A lot of people do play up the goody two shoe Christian act while going full on with hedonism behind closed doors.
 

Grand Pooba

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Proactivity said:
A lot of people do play up the goody two shoe Christian act while going full on with hedonism behind closed doors.
Sounds awesome!!
 

Proactivity

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Grand Pooba said:
Proactivity said:
A lot of people do play up the goody two shoe Christian act while going full on with hedonism behind closed doors.
Sounds awesome!!
You would think right!

The issue is that you get a lot of the morally self-righteous guys who will attack you if they find out about you getting around. Its like a game of wearing a mask and the first one to show their true face loses. I am kind of religious myself and have never been a big fan of people using the Bible to take the moral ground over others, people down south do it all the time. After a while it wears on you having to play Pope in front of the public and then act our your desires behind closed doors but keeping those hidden. If people do find out the fucking is going on, your status and hers are toast. If they find out you get around, your status is also toast.

I prefer being in an area where you can loosen up because after a while man, having to keep up that act just mentally wears on you, you can only live a lie for so long.
 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Yo Chase.

I appreciate your latest post and while I do not agree with all of it, think my comment on it will tell my story. The post genuinely shows me that you care about everyone on this forum so I would be a fool not to take your advice and listen to everything.

Something funny has happened tonight and has been happening even in my life recently Chase so I had to share it. I went out to a local bar/restaurant tonight to get some food and I am a regular there for the most part. The food takes a while to get ready so I order a drink and watch a couple football games. As I am doing so, a couple cute Asian girls ask me if the seat next to me, I let them. I did not approach and one corny looking dude did try to run some game but he failed hard lol.

To the right of me. this sexy blonde bombshell is chatting with this hipster looking dude. I glance a few eyes at their direction but let them chat. The guy leaves and then she gets a couple shots, I look at laugh because they are vanilla as I had a few jokes ready, she is sitting a bit far away but she notices and tells me "say it" while laughing. I wanted to say they were cumshots but we were thinking the same thing.

Even on top of that, as I turn 26 in a few days, I notice that my matches on dating apps have been going up and some of them are kind of cute. If you allow it, I can PM you some pics man. At the same time I remember a quote from The Great Gatsby about us being tied to the past, something about a boat and being tied to the past. I am successful, I genuinely think I am one handsome motherfucker, but I fell into bad circumstances and I am tied to that past.

It takes me back to this motivational picture that just moved me man.....

 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Chase, to continue this thread.

I cannot control that I had some horrible circumstances growing up and I do not have that built in circle that college offered me compared to what a guy like Austin in your latest post did. To some degree, I think it may potentially be too late for me to blend in with the "in crowd" compared to some guy who just lucked out in college. Even after freshman year everyone becomes hostile towards making new friends and there is a lot of bad news about making friends after college. I accept life is unfair and it never gave me a chance, I will give myself one.

1. I have been suffering about this life after college toxic mindset, part of it is just the fact that the internet, a lot of people I meet IRL and countless blogs promote college as utopia. College was far from a utopia for me, it was a walk through hell but I acknowledge that this is a limiting belief I need to work on. Work on it I will, I will start by admiring Dan Bilzerian's Instagram because at least he gives me hope for life after the age of 30.

2. I genuinely want to be in a situation where I am working a 9 to 5 I am passionate about but bartending or working at a nightclub or bar on the weekends. Now this is something actionable that I can take action for. So Chase and this crew, if you have any advice for me on breaking into nightlife, please share. I might actually be making a move to NYC soon and would love for a chance to work at a bar in a place like Williamsburg or a hip part of Manhattan while I still have a few years left in my 20s.

Can I do this while having a full time job or will I have to chase it full time completely?

My thoughts are at least for number 2, I can take action than whining about it.

I am almost 26, time is not on my side so I feel like I need to make shit happen dudes. Life never gave me a chance, I will give myself one.
 

readjusting

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

+1 on your change.

Breaking in nightlife probably is not going to be easy. However you can look at Craigslist to see what kind of jobs they need. A few months ago a cam girls studio needed a technician, I applied and got the job the next day.
 

Oh Pry

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

I got an idea, why not just use those girls you are matching with as ways to meet more people when you go out on dates?

Even if you don't smash them, you can be friendly with them and meet some of their friends to go out with as well as meeting other couples and cool people by having a date with you.
 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

I also realized after reading the post by Richard that I am putting way too much emphasis on things I have no control over no matter what I do. I cannot control how some cool guy feels about me or whether or not he allows me to join his crew, it is foolish and something not worth getting upset over. So I decided to sit down and just take an hour to write down why I am not happy despite having matches on dating apps which have me texting back and forth with five different women who have above average looks. Even after getting fired, I have more than a handful of interviews lined up with awesome companies and I am being ungrateful.

So I dug in more into my mind and decided to look at more tangible goals with some kind of a process to them instead of something that is too dependent on social cliques.

1. I want to get some work in nightlife at a bar or nightclub, turning 26 very soon so I feel if I do not start now I won't be able really get much traction going compared to people that started earlier. Whether I can do that on top of a 9 to 5 is debatable.

2. It is likely that I might move away from Atlanta, on one hand it kind of sucks since I was starting to see dating success here but the truth is that I am getting more corporate opportunities elsewhere. I will have some tough decisions to make but I am thinking if maybe I can put myself in a spot where I am using my weekends doing what I love in nightlife and then the weekdays for my 9 to 5, I will have more peace of mind although I will be working more.

Instead of targeting cool social life, I want to target that goal of finding nightlife work to go with my 9 to 5 as I interview for roles for my 9 to 5 as well.

If I focus on that and less on breaking into social cliques, I will be happier.

Did not take much action this weekend, none at all actually, in going to bars and asking for gigs but will be doing more of that on top of my 9 to 5. Any advice here or tips appreciated fellas!
 

Mr.Rob

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Toby, despite all the shit I've talked about it being possible to have success in ATL I do recommend if your getting offers in better cities to consider moving somewhere more conducive to your social goals.

P.S. your attitude/outlook is much improved. I hope you keep it up (for all of our sakes lol) ;)
 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Rob bro, women wise? No doubt! I am getting some quality matches on dating apps after improving my pics but honestly man, as weird as it may sound, that is not the top of my mind right now even though I am on this forum. Its more important for me to make that nightlife dream a reality while also building my corporate career, committing my energy to those two things. Now I have about 5 girls I am texting back and forth with after number closing them on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. Before this I had about six dates from June to about August of this year so things are definitely smooth on the front in terms of women, not getting my 9s and 10s or even my 8s but satisfactory, don't mind the girls I have been on dates with.

I don't mind sticking around in Atlanta either, as I mentioned, I went to a couple bars to ask for a gig and they told me to follow up in four weeks, that was about a week ago.

Is that a way for the manager and owner to tell you to fuck off or do they genuinely mean that it would be better towards the start of the new year?

If so and I likely do not start my new job once I do get a new landing place for my next role until December, I should be using these next couple weeks to do some fun shit! I am bitching too much, I need to fucking relax just a bit and maybe get my dick wet a couple times, I know I can.
 

Mr.Rob

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Ya I mean if your content in ATL thats all good, was thinking another city might have a better nightlife scene as well that since your free to relocate at the moment may be worth looking into... but like I said if your content and like the nightlife prospects then sure do ATL all day then.

Regarding the guy saying to come back on new year I would just follow up with him then and find out. He may very have been giving you an F off but sees you coming back might show him your serious and he reconsiders. Always follow up for sure man.
 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Both guys who were managers at both of the bars gave me their numbers, not sure whether to follow up in text or in person. Speaking of Atlanta, weather today is extremely depressing, not sure how folks up in Seattle and in the UK deal with this kind of rain, cold and gloomy weather. I am unemployed so I could sleep in today but I did not feel like getting up at all.

Had some more time to think about it and instead of tying it all to social life, I envisioned what my perfect lifestyle would be.

1. I work my 9 to 5.

2. On my off time I work at a nightclub, ideally bartending although I will have to start out lower.

I can control that, hopefully. I can't control who follows me or not. So I'll just work on that from fulfillment. In fact if I do move to a new city, I will likely look for service industry roles anyways since I don't know anyone.
 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Got a date scheduled for tonight, cute Latina texted me an hour ago. Coming to you guys with updates!
 

radeng

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Toby said:
Got a date scheduled for tonight, cute Latina texted me an hour ago. Coming to you guys with updates!
Good shit. Post a FR if something goes wrong and you don’t understand.

Radeng
 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Had a date, kiss closed, she offered to drive me back to my place but I said no.

I think at some point in the convo I got a bit too curious about her dating history and asked her, out of insecurity or what, how many guy she has been with. This might have turned her off but she was willing to kiss close me, texted me back after the date saying she had a great time. I wonder if I should have tried to get back to her place, been more aggressive or tried to take her home.
 

Toby

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

So I was not aggressive enough with my date or tried to close with a lay, just had a kiss close. Think we might get to meet up again, who knows, she did text me back with a pic of herself. I also realized that later on tonight I have another date set up, its an Asian-White mixed girl I matched with on Bumble so lets see how that goes.

I have also been thinking and realized that I am going to abandon my social life goals and just stick with dating. The reason I do this is because I have realized just how tall of an order it is to get the kind of social life I want right now. No more posting on Girlschase when I have had a few strong drinks, I almost sound like a regretful alcoholic father lol.

Keeping it simple, working on career success, dates and seeing if I can get the bartending gig on the side since I always wanted to do that.
 

Richard

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Toby said:
Had a date, kiss closed, she offered to drive me back to my place but I said no.

I think at some point in the convo I got a bit too curious about her dating history and asked her, out of insecurity or what, how many guy she has been with. This might have turned her off but she was willing to kiss close me, texted me back after the date saying she had a great time. I wonder if I should have tried to get back to her place, been more aggressive or tried to take her home.
1) Kiss close doesn't mean a whole lot. Kissing, for women, is about as neutral as two guys shaking hands.

2) Don't ask women about their "history" because they're very likely to lie about it and it has a huge potential to blow up in your face. So, at absolute best it's a neutral interest and at worst it can send girls into auto-rejection meaning it's a high-risk and no-reward play.

I don't know the details of your date so I can't weigh in on whether you should have been more aggressive or not, though. But, for future record, take note of the two points above :)

Kudos on you for getting the date, especially with a Latina ;)

-Richard
 
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