everything all of these wise dudes have said.
The aim is to cultivate a lifelong practice based around the management of your sexual life force. It is not about strong-arming your seed into submission with a covetous mindset. It is unhealthy for the prostate to withhold ejaculation for too long. Wet dreams are the body's natural response to the build-up of sexual energy. It is just that energetic current finding a means of expression. It is a perfectly natural and healthy occurrence.
The idea isn't 'how much seed can I save' it is 'how can I relate to the flow of sexual energy, and its expression in my mind and body, in a balanced healthy manner that moves towards emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual wellness in the long run. This is a long game practice, not a short game one.
Think about it like you are setting out to grow a lush and richly nutritious garden on which you can live abundantly. You start with planting the first seed, then the next, and the next. You tend to the soil daily, and when the time comes the plants sprout. Now you tend to the plants throughout the growing season and finally, when harvest time comes you reap the rewards. Now, this was just your first growing season. Being a wise beginner you were ambitious but not too ambitious. You didn't attempt to grow more than you could manage, thus spoiling the whole crop, nor did you think you could grow an entire fruit-bearing tree in one season, let alone an entire orchard. You grew 10 or twelve easy to manage plants. Some kale, some tomatoes, perhaps some zucchini. Given that this was your first go around some of the plants turned out better than others. Some with robust harvests, the majority are modest, and a couple of plants have withered. The successes outweigh the loss and you decide to grow for another season. This time with a bit more knowledge and ambition.
Now picture your garden three decades from now, after having put in the work year after year. The crops are varied, large, and lush. Trees that were barely twigs when you started have turned into a full-blown orchard.
You are already off to a good start by approaching your sexuality with intention and familiarizing yourself with these practices. Keep them in the forefront of your consciousness, and consistently practice them in your routine, over time. Understand that your sexuality is a force of nature. Just like the natural forces of a garden growing, this is not a force you can control. You can however come to understand the elements at play and work with them in dynamic ways. With knowledge, patience, and experience you can guide it, and shape its direction, but you can never control it. Just like the garden.
Continue to cultivate your practice. Be willing to face your sense of sexuality rather than running from it through compulsive hedonism or strict repression. Understand that there will be many seasons along the way, and some may be more challenging than others. Know that the more you have built an intentional foundation you will be able to weather the difficulties. And over time your practice will become richer and richer.
-Abstain from pornography
-Practice sexual kung fu mediation
-Keep a journal dedicated to your erotic reality. A book only you read. Write in it regularly. Your fantasies. Your aspirations. Things that compel you about the erotic nature of reality. Examining the thoughts and feelings you have are difficult and challenging. Examine your deeper sexual motivations. Celebrate the joys of your sexual experiences. The subtle things you enjoyed or noticed about sexual experiences. Write poems and tributes to your sexuality. Write down inspiring quotes on sex, positions you'd like to try with partners, and interesting concepts you read about.
-Do not limit your sense of sensuality to mechanistic forms, or practices that numb your senses. But instead, cultivate a number of personal sensual practices, that broaden and deepen your sense of sensuality/sexuality. Experiment and play with sounds, scents, and textures.
-Abstain from sexual activities/ sexual couplings that undermine your personal sense of integrity and well-being.
-Co-create positive sexual experiences with women whom you have wisely chosen to experiment with based on their character and chemistry.
Do all of these things regularly and you are already building a solid foundation for the rest of your life. Again, the path isn't always straight and narrow. These practices will help you have a center to come back to in the ebb and flow of it all.
In terms of frequency of ejaculation: Yes it is important to be mindful of not spilling your seed too much. However, ejaculation is a perfectly normal part of our physiology. Embrace its joy and pleasure. Just do so in a manner that is intentional. Instead of mindlessly masturbating to pornography, have semi-regular masturbation dates with yourself (like I outline
here). When you spill your seed, rest assured that you are doing so in the spirit of personal cultivation and not needless waste. Just like when you grow a garden you plant many seeds knowing not all will grow. As long as the harvest wields more fruit than what is lost. Ejaculate as a means of engaging with the outward orgasmic facet of your sexuality. Just not to excess. Always cultivate more seed than you let loose. And of course, enjoy orgasms when having sex (at least for now. you can always experiment with abstaining from ejaculation during sex later once you understand how libido management fits into your life in a broader sense)
As
@Surveyor said, start with ejaculating once every 4 or 5 days. Then experiment with longer periods. The aim is to keep your sexual energy abundant and strong but also allow it some release. Over time you will be able to strike more of a balance between keeping the sexual flame stoked through sexual practices, and managing longer periods of retention without letting the sexual flame die, or experiencing emotional agitation from repressed sexual energy. But again, this is a long game. not a short game. So don't try to make a tree grow in a month.
Also, understand that while you are young your libido tends to be way more raging than when you are older. In this sense, the young libido can be trickier to tame, but also it is the perfect training ground for libido management when you are older and your libido has slowed a bit, and sexual cultivation/semen retention is far more important to maintaining robust sexual energy, and channeling it towards longevity and well being. Start building the foundation now, and enjoy the fruits of your labor as you age.
All this is to say, don't worry dude. You are on the right track. Just remain diligent, be patient, and allow your sexual cultivation to be a means of personal exploration, expression, and joy. As opposed to a rigid set of rules or dogmas
Also, if you have a wet dream. Write it in your sex journal for further examination and insight.
