Calls & Texts Why overly texting is bad for seduction ?

BigPapa

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Due to confinement in the times of Covid19 pandemic I realized something that I did not really see anyone talking about .

I have seen discussions saying that texting is bad for seduction and that a guy should not use it that much , as well as articles explaining how to improve your text game .

All of them are top notch things , but I think that no one really talked about about WHY texting is bad for seduction .

In order to understand the why , we have to take a step back and look on the mating objectives of men & women , which are quite different .

The mating objective of a man is sex , and this work perfect because a guy with good seduction skills can impregnate a shitload of women quite fast , and thus spread his genetic material in a very short time .

The mating objective of a woman is bonding , and this work perfect because a woman has only 1 viable egg that can be impregnated , then you have 9 months in which the baby will develop insider the uterus , then you have 2-3 years till the baby will start being somehow independent and not depending 100 % on the mother .

So it is safe to say that the crocodilian brain of a woman is associating sex with getting impregnated , because till recent times ( before anti pregnancy pills were as efficient as they are today ). Even in present days being pregnant and not having someone around to take care of you , while you are in a state were basically you are dependent on someone else even for the most simple things sucks , I do not know how it was 100 or 1000 years ago , but I am quite sure that it was not pleasant at all.

Now that we have an intro about each gender mating objective , we can take the step ahead and talk about why actually overly texting is bad seduction .

The main and most important reason is that it gives a provider vibe , and the woman will start assessing your provider skills very thoroughly and comparing them with the other guys that want to shag her . The problem is that this way is not that efficient , especially when dealing with high caliber women that have high status men around them .

In addition to this , another thing that will happen is that the woman will portray herself as the best version of herself , and not being that transparent with a lot of things that are crucial when looking for someone to start a family with ( if this is your objective ) . Including postponing sex on purpose so she will not look slutty , even though she had sex with guys way faster than she will admit to you anytime soon.

By not using texting too much in the courtship phase , basically you will remain with a lover vibe ( if done right) , which means that you can a skip a lot of the bullshit that comes from having a provider vibe .
 

DarkKnight

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There is one more element which is super important why texting for too long is a bad idea: Attention. Girls want attention above everything else, so when you provide that already via super long chats, you basically give them already what they want. They won't want to take the risk to throw that out of the window by meeting up with you, the status quo is already beneficial for them. Also the longer it takes for you to bed a girl, the more her interest will become lower. I have seen it first hand how girls who were very interested at the start, but didn't want to take a risk to meet up became less feminine over time. Ironically this also happened with girls with who I was not so keen to meet up with myself haha.
Since then basically I do a takeaway. I DO give them attention, I DO make a bond, but I ask them out without too much time passing by. If they start becoming wishy washy and start postponing I cut off the attention drain. Usually you get a message like "hey we do not talk as much anymore" blabla and at that point I do what Chase recommends at his newest article. Basically explain to them that I do like them and the connection that we have but I need more, and because she can't provide it I have to seek it somewhere else. At that point it is put up or shut up time. I'm not getting any younger.

However here too we need to calibrate, this last weekend a girlfriend of mine showed me messages of a guy to which she WAS interested, but he didn't take any effort to get to know her or at least give her the idea that she is special. Then again, I'm pretty sure she was looking for a provider type. So he basically disqualified himself very fast because he treated her too much as a number. Probably his usual modus operandi, or because he too is wary of texting too much for the same reasons as us.

I think using texts with girls who you have already met is better for logistics only. There is just so much which can go wrong online. You have much less control and while the girl can be in awe with you live, she can underestimate you because another dozen guys are texting her at the same time.
 

BigPapa

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Excellent point .

In regards to the attention , I still think it has to do with sending a provider vibe , and thus she will take her time to check out all the guys in her orbit and see which one will be the best provider . And most of the times , there will be better guys in her orbit that will make for better providers , and this is why she is becoming less communicative towards you . Especially when she is seeing that better providers are not giving her the same attention that you give her , so she starts thinking that indeed you must be lower value than them.

This is why it is also to position yourself as a lover at first so you can skip all the bullshit , and also to better screen her for the qualities you are looking for at a woman , as you will have higher chances to actually see her for who she really is , rather than how she wants to be perceived ( as it is in the case of the provider )
 

DarkKnight

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Bro when you use "you" it seems like that is a reflection of who I am right now, which I am not. It's been a really long time since I have been in that provider trap. Also some girls will box you in provider role regardless. For instance girls who are of the same ethnicity that I am immediately see me as a future hubby, but girls from other ethnicities don't. My vibe is more playboy than anything else.

Also there are different kind of providers, there are also providers of attention -> which you can automatically get boxed in when you text too much. You can still be a lover type, but girls who are actually taken (which you cannot know especially online!) can still try to use you for attention. I would even say that your attention becomes more valuable to them when you have differientated yourself by being a lover. This does not mean she is immediately ready to sleep with you. Attention is attention, regardless of you being a material kind of provider. It's not a pre-condition. I mean how familiar is this that girls cocktease you during real life and when you pull the trigger they seem to have a boyfriend, doesn't change the fact that their pupils grew large because of true attraction. But some of them do not want to risk their current relationship. Too much investment going on and too much risk (in some situations). I'm not saying it's not doable, I'm saying they can resist and start attention whoring.

About the communication being less: I concur it can be that you are simply being outcompeted by others who are maybe a better material provider or something else. However there is also something like the novelty factor and escalation windows. When things take too long time the initial excitement decreases sharply, hence you become less interesting. This is why we move fast.
 

BigPapa

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Bro when you use "you" it seems like that is a reflection of who I am right now, which I am not. It's been a really long time since I have been in that provider trap. Also some girls will box you in provider role regardless. For instance girls who are of the same ethnicity that I am immediately see me as a future hubby, but girls from other ethnicities don't. My vibe is more playboy than anything else.
Ahh sorry mate I gave you this sensation , when I was saying "you" I meant someone in general that is texting too much , not you as a person .

Also there are different kind of providers, there are also providers of attention -> which you can automatically get boxed in when you text too much. You can still be a lover type, but girls who are actually taken (which you cannot know especially online!) can still try to use you for attention. I would even say that your attention becomes more valuable to them when you have differientated yourself by being a lover. This does not mean she is immediately ready to sleep with you. Attention is attention, regardless of you being a material kind of provider. It's not a pre-condition. I mean how familiar is this that girls cocktease you during real life and when you pull the trigger they seem to have a boyfriend, doesn't change the fact that their pupils grew large because of true attraction. But some of them do not want to risk their current relationship. Too much investment going on and too much risk (in some situations). I'm not saying it's not doable, I'm saying they can resist and start attention whoring.
From my experience , if this is the case , sooner or later she will let herself go and jump on you . I think they are doing this because mainly they are not really in a good relationship or their relationship is just boring , and looking for some novelty , and here is where the lover kicks in to spice up her life . I remember once , I was seeing this girl that was married with a really boring guy ( good provider though & good guy ) . After a while she started buying me expensive gifts from the money that she had , because the home was financially maintained by the guy 100 % , so she had extra money to spend on hobbies :)

About the communication being less: I concur it can be that you are simply being outcompeted by others who are maybe a better material provider or something else. However there is also something like the novelty factor and escalation windows. When things take too long time the initial excitement decreases sharply, hence you become less interesting. This is why we move fast.
I think the escalation windows are actually the difference between a provider and a lover . A provider will play the long courtship game (missing the escalation windows) , while the lover just tries to skip as many things as possible and unite with the woman in the shortest time possible . When we miss this escalation windows basically she will start seeing us mainly as a providers , and thus you go back in the comparison stage where is comparing all the guys in her orbit and see who would fit best the role .

In the meantime we will also miss a lot of girls who are just looking to spice up their life with a sexy guy , as they are not looking for a provider anymore , but only for a lover or just a guy that is a better provider than her current provider . This vetting process is way too long , and anytime a better prospect can appear and fuck up things
 

DarkKnight

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"After a while she started buying me expensive gifts from the money that she had , because the home was financially maintained by the guy 100 % , so she had extra money to spend on hobbies :)"

Lol the irony, poor fella :). I am certain the guy can feel in his gut that something is wrong though. A lot of people cannot see the thruth for what it is and keep postponing making hard decisions.

"I think the escalation windows are actually the difference between a provider and a lover . A provider will play the long courtship game (missing the escalation windows) , while the lover just tries to skip as many things as possible and unite with the woman in the shortest time possible . When we miss this escalation windows basically she will start seeing us mainly as a providers , and thus you go back in the comparison stage where is comparing all the guys in her orbit and see who would fit best the role . "

Yeah man! Agreed. Hence why we do not play along with their platonic texting ruses.


ps. How do you guys break the quoting thing apart? I get one big block while @BigPapa seems to be able to break my reply apart.
 

Skills

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I can provide a bunch of lay reports of me overly texting and getting laid just by texting (lets say i probably got laid over 100 times overly texting cause i could not speak english, so i would dance none verbally and seduce via texting to hide my horrible latin accent and cause i usually lived with women and i had logistical issues so i had to text to keep them around when it would take me weeks to meet)...

here is my theory with explanation: http://www.theskillsmethod.com/best-text-game-systemsexting/

I tried the community advise of text to meet a million times got laid = o times, online and in person meet:


My conclusion is some guys have written charisma and some don't... Usually the typical seducer has 0 written charisma as i witness participating in a bunch of puas forums and chats.

Some have written charisma..... samples: Pure evil, POB, sexaddict911, lookmaxerstrolls/a very few of the bodybuilder missers self amused crowd(i was part of them at one point):



Club barely met her:


online:


As you can see all of this kind of negates everything you wrote in the op...

The thing is it will work for some that have it, for other that do not have whatever IT is, are better of with text to meet

by the way they are a bunch of guys getting laid from text to meet: samples: Kant or k, cocporn, bd etc....So i am not saying it does not work, it just did not work for me...
 

BigPapa

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I can provide a bunch of lay reports of me overly texting and getting laid just by texting (lets say i probably got laid over 100 times overly texting cause i could not speak english, so i would dance none verbally and seduce via texting to hide my horrible latin accent and cause i usually lived with women and i had logistical issues so i had to text to keep them around when it would take me weeks to meet)...

here is my theory with explanation: http://www.theskillsmethod.com/best-text-game-systemsexting/
I was not saying that it can not be done , as I wrote a FR that more or less falls in line with your examples ( from text to sex - in my case on tinder ) .

I was saying that when you over text and you do not have a sexy vibe ( basically not showing mostly a lover vibe ) , she will loose interest not because she does not find you an attractive guy anymore ( basically loose attraction ) , but because she is now comparing you with the rest of the guys mainly on provider traits , and there are other guys (2-3 at least) who are better suited for her provider slot .
 

ZacAdam

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so i would dance none verbally and seduce via texting to hide my horrible latin accent and cause i usually lived with women and i had logistical issues so i had to text to keep them around when it would take me weeks to meet)...
Explains why. :)

Girls want attention. Correct.

But they want a freaking show too. But there's too many shows (guys texting her, Instagram messages, etc)

Chase's recent article comes to a conclusion.

Pickup is the process/skills that you bring her in. The marketing per se.

Seduction is the world that you are bringing as tourguide before bringing her to slamtown. How do we make it 'WWE like' so that they stay tuned next FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN. :p

How to make it a fantasy via text, is heavily emphasize on implication.

Something I looking forward to digging the next week. HAHA.

Thanks Skills. Triggered something for me to dig into! ;) Perfect.
 

BigPapa

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Explains why. :)

Girls want attention. Correct.

But they want a freaking show too. But there's too many shows (guys texting her, Instagram messages, etc)

Chase's recent article comes to a conclusion.

Pickup is the process/skills that you bring her in. The marketing per se.

Seduction is the world that you are bringing as tourguide before bringing her to slamtown. How do we make it 'WWE like' so that they stay tuned next FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN. :p
Actually it is about branding yourself as a sexy guy ( which most of the guys are not , as most guys are competing for the provider role , and kinda forget in the process that women are sexual creatures too ) and thus skipping a lot of steps in the normal courtship process .

Once you put the trojan horse behind her stronghold , then you can move a little bit towards a provider role ( basically having a relationship with her ) easily , as she will not be super thoughtful if you are really the best boyfriend material out there or not .
 

Skills

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I was not saying that it can not be done , as I wrote a FR that more or less falls in line with your examples ( from text to sex - in my case on tinder ) .

I was saying that when you over text and you do not have a sexy vibe ( basically not showing mostly a lover vibe ) , she will loose interest not because she does not find you an attractive guy anymore ( basically loose attraction ) , but because she is now comparing you with the rest of the guys mainly on provider traits , and there are other guys (2-3 at least) who are better suited for her provider slot .


Yes thanks god! for the clarification, because yes i just read it, and you kind of did long texting and it worked vs text to meet.... (you kind of did make a weird mistake but it worked for you lol, which is bizzard, when she was complaining about guys being uncalibrated with dick pics or something along those lines, then you say omg how fucked up, and 5 seconds later you say my dick is hard right now lol)....

^ despite that kind of mistake you still got laid which i found bizzard.... lol!
 

BigPapa

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Yes thanks god! for the clarification, because yes i just read it, and you kind of did long texting and it worked vs text to meet.... (you kind of did make a weird mistake but it worked for you lol, which is bizzard, when she was complaining about guys being uncalibrated with dick pics or something along those lines, then you say omg how fucked up, and 5 seconds later you say my dick is hard right now lol)....

^ despite that kind of mistake you still got laid which i found bizzard.... lol!
I did not post the whole conversation , as it was like 3h long , with both me and her replying fast . It took me like 1h something to write the summary of it as I also had to do the translation into english

Before I said that my dick is hard , we had like a 30 minutes back and forth about energies , vibes , that the actual beauty from women come from within and that I see them as muses , that men & women are like ying and yang , and other stuff like that (previous to that part I wrote " bla bla bla - and a short summary what the back and forth was about) . It was not out of the sudden haha
 
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Skills

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I did not post the whole conversation , as it was like 3h long , with both me and her replying fast . It took me like 1h something to write the summary of it as I also had to do the translation into english

Before I said that my dick is hard , we had like a 30 minutes back and forth about energies , vibes , that the actual beauty from women come from within and that I see them as muses , that men & women are like ying and yang , and other stuff like that (previous to that part I wrote " bla bla bla - and a short summary what the back and forth was about) . It was not out of the sudden haha
Big papa just a nitpick, is just that the way the post reads from the title to the content, is not clear, is basically saying don't do long texting(overtexting), i read it 3 times... Second, the lay report if is so, it is confusing, cause then it makes you look uncalibrated... Cause you quoted her saying no sexting communication then you jump to my dick is hard.... But i am glad you clarified!
 

BigPapa

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Big papa just a nitpick, is just that the way the post reads from the title to the content, is not clear, is basically saying don't do long texting(overtexting), i read it 3 times...
What made me write this thread is that since this covid thing , I had to communicate most of the time via texting or calls .

After a while I noticed a pattern , and the pattern is that women will try to frame and reframe you over again to make you act like a provider if you start giving them more than enough attention . Even on tinder they do this , which I find kinda amusing :)

This made me think further on why women would do this , and the response is that their mating goal is about bonding .

Then I started remembering ex gf that hated me really bad , and that if enough time has passed since the breakup they will be warmer towards me and that if I would also be warm towards them it would be just a matter of time till we will sleep again togheter .

Then I realized another interesting thing about girls that I fucked up with ( like becoming more invested than them , or being kinda needy ) . If also enough time would have passed , they also would be warmer towards me and give me another shot to game them .

Then seeing this pattern , I also realized that girls that I put in auto rejection and blew a lot of bad emotions towards me in the process , also if enough time has passed they will also be warmer towards me and give me the chance to restart the seduction process .

And then it hit me that attraction does not just go away , it is just buried by either bad emotions or by the mating goal itself ( which is also a strong emotion) . But it is still there , and more or less over time it remains the same .

Long story short is that people fuck up with a girl when overly texting because at some point they are reframed in acting like a provider , and then he will go in the provider vetting process which is a long one and you have a lot of competition . Not because she looses her attraction for you

Second, the lay report if is so, it is confusing, cause then it makes you look uncalibrated... Cause you quoted her saying no sexting communication then you jump to my dick is hard.... But i am glad you clarified!
I was never really that good with writting stuff ( thought that prologue starting with bla bla and making a short summary what that was about was enough for the reader to understand that I did not jump directly to talk about my dick ) , but for sure will keep in mind your comments and will try to be more clear in the future
 
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abond0082

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This is intersting so what is the solution

I like texting but I would rather phone, the reason I dont hone is they alost never pick it, while with texting they can pick it up later(not good either but women must play some games)
 
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Rakkum

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I like texting but I would rather phone, the reason I dont hone is they alost never pick it, while with texting they can pick it up later(not good either but women must play some games)
Voice clips work well in that situation ime. Takes a bit time getting used to for some people but a good tool to have.
 

abond0082

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I did not post the whole conversation , as it was like 3h long , with both me and her replying fast . It took me like 1h something to write the summary of it as I also had to do the translation into english

Before I said that my dick is hard , we had like a 30 minutes back and forth about energies , vibes , that the actual beauty from women come from within and that I see them as muses , that men & women are like ying and yang , and other stuff like that (previous to that part I wrote " bla bla bla - and a short summary what the back and forth was about) . It was not out of the sudden haha

Post the entire text for us if you will
 
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