Cultivating the X Factor

Will_V

Chieftan
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tribal-elder
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Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself dude.

You should be exposing yourself to so much new experiences you don't even notice what your housemate is doing.

1. Do 50 approaches.
2. How many approaches turn into numbers?
3. How many numbers turn into dates?
4. How many dates you pull?
5. How many lays from pulls?

Repeat.

Start gathering information that is actually useful for fixing your problem, diagnose problem areas, develop areas that are weak, and evolve.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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773
Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself dude.

You should be exposing yourself to so much new experiences you don't even notice what your housemate is doing.

1. Do 50 approaches.
2. How many approaches turn into numbers?
3. How many numbers turn into dates?
4. How many dates you pull?
5. How many lays from pulls?

Repeat.

Start gathering information that is actually useful for fixing your problem, diagnose problem areas, develop areas that are weak, and evolve.
Thanks, I need to hear this. I posted that an hour ago and already reading it is just exhausting - and I'm carrying that around with me all the time.
It's good that I now feel disgust at feeling that way. I used to romanticize it.

Action.
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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My man, this spoke to my soul. I know exactly how you feel.

Some suggestions:
1. Never stop training your mind to see the positives. One of the main reasons you feel numb and down is you’re still focusing on the negatives.

2. When you describe how gaming kinda as a chore - walking around aimlessly for hours with nothing working - the answer can’t be to do more of it. That’s no way out of it.

I recommend Dr. Glover’s advice of examining the ‘cake ingredients’ of your life: male friendships, vigorous exercise, and my guess what will help most for you: passion/purpose.

Make improvements in these areas with ZERO motivation for helping with women. Do it all for you. You’ll actually build the legit confidence you seek.

3. Finally, something that helps keep my chin up is going on YouTube and watching other people in order to feed off their attitude, positivity, and energy. My favorite right now is Patrice O’Neal. His advice is very sound, especially if you understand it through a GC lens, and he definitely provides a new perspective on how to carry yourself (new for me).

Tldr: Gotta keep working on getting your head right, particularly in ways that aren’t motivated by success with women.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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773
My man, this spoke to my soul. I know exactly how you feel.

Some suggestions:
1. Never stop training your mind to see the positives. One of the main reasons you feel numb and down is you’re still focusing on the negatives.
Funny you mention that. Today after some positive experiences all my positive memories started flooding back and felt my old sense of self confidence coming back.
2. When you describe how gaming kinda as a chore - walking around aimlessly for hours with nothing working - the answer can’t be to do more of it. That’s no way out of it.
Well no I shouldn't be out wandering aimlessly. I should be setting myself challenges, things to work on and try on each outing. Which I've been doing for NG but not DG. That's probably what I need to get me out there and excited about DG again

I recommend Dr. Glover’s advice of examining the ‘cake ingredients’ of your life: male friendships, vigorous exercise, and my guess what will help most for you: passion/purpose.
These areas are actually pretty good. I've been hitting the gym 5-6 days a week, achieved (but not consistently) an almost 20 second handstand the other day. Piano skills improving by the day. Lots of good male friendships. It didn't really help yesterday though.

Make improvements in these areas with ZERO motivation for helping with women. Do it all for you. You’ll actually build the legit confidence you seek.
I enjoy my passions. But it'll always be in the back of my mind that they will help with women no doubt. I can't think of anything I do that has zero motivation for helping with women. Pretty much everything I do in my life now is geared towards it (well, I guess everything except my job and programming hobby)

3. Finally, something that helps keep my chin up is going on YouTube and watching other people in order to feed off their attitude, positivity, and energy. My favorite right now is Patrice O’Neal. His advice is very sound, especially if you understand it through a GC lens, and he definitely provides a new perspective on how to carry yourself (new for me).

Tldr: Gotta keep working on getting your head right, particularly in ways that aren’t motivated by success with women.
Absolutely
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I'm going to make a post about last night and how I was in a completely different (much more positive) headspace, but first I want to share details about my housemate, who I will refer to as Gold from now on in this journal (due to the gold jewellery he wears). He honestly has the best game that I have seen in person and I think it will be valuable to the forum to uncover how he operates since it goes against a lot of conventional wisdom (he opens talking loudly in the womans ear, leaning in on the dancefloor in LOUD nightclubs. He doesn't start out dancing with them). I haven't fully uncovered his workings yet but plan to over time.

First, his looks

He is around 5'8, black (like, proper Rwandan background, but born in New Zealand) with braided hair. Doesn't go to the gym but works out at home and goes for runs regularly - athletic build with a six pack. Used to play soccer at a pretty high level (like, national team level) when he as a kid. He doesn't have a deep voice, and sometimes even speaks so fast that I miss words at times. His fashion sense is impeccable. He will wear perfectly fitted clothes which complement his skin tone. White sneakers are a staple, as is a black tight fitting shirt.

The star of the show is his jewellery. All gold, he will usually sport a thin gold chain, gold bracelet. A fairly large gold cross earring on one ear. A single gold clip on one of his braids.

You look at the dude and he just looks on point. Everything works. Nothing is haphazard.

His approach

When I first started chatting to him about it, he told me that he "just goes out to have fun, I just really enjoy myself and the women come. I just don't give a fuck". And he does enjoy himself. By frequenting nightclubs which play the music he loves (hip hop, rnb, drill etc). Which also happen to have some seriously hot women. The funny thing is, I've lived in my city most of my life, I love the music, but I never knew about these spots. He only came here a couple months ago, and made it his mission to explore tons of different spots when he came, so he has now found these gems and has even taken me to them.

When I pressed him on that "just having fun", saying that a lot of guys dance and have fun but don't notice the women around them, he then concurred and said that he always has his eye out for opportunities.

Verbals (to be continued as I find out more)

Yesterday, after hearing him banging all night and after I made my sobby post, I chatted some more, asking him exactly how he opens the girls. He told me that "I'll generally just complement them on what they're wearing. Nothing that they didn't do themselves like their genetics. Women hate when people say "oh you're gorgeous oh you're beautiful". Which yeah is pretty standard and I know that.

"I also will do it in a tone that they're not sure if I'm joking or not, semi-serious." He didn't say this but assume he just means neutral or breaking rapport tonality.

"And I make them laugh. If you can make her laugh she will be comfortable with you. That's the number one thing, making them comfortable quick". Which yeah again is obvious but I want details.

This I still want to pick his brain on. I've seen it. Him going up to a chick and within 1 minute she is laughing. I want to dig deeper to find out exactly the sorts of things he says. Again, it's stuff we know but I want to know the specifics on what he's doing since he is damn consistent it's ridiculous.

On the dance floor

I've gone out with him a couple of times, most recently last night. And this is what I have observed. He doesn't go crazy with dancing (unless the song is highly energetic). Most of the time, he is moving slowly, smiling. You can tell he's truly enjoying himself. He'll look around occasionally but most of the time will just be in the zone.

Sometimes he'll see a girl he likes and just smile sexily at her even though she can't see him. He'll bide his time, and then BOOM, he just goes in right up next to her, taps her on the shoulder (if she isn't facing his way) and then starts talking in her ear. If the girl noticed him before she'll usually smile. If she didn't she'll look shocked. In any case, he goes in with such high energy that she immediately stops dancing to listen to what he has to say (as opposed to when I go up to talk she continues to dance).

She'll be listening, listening. Then within about 20 seconds she'll be smiling. Then giggling. He'll be smiling. Lots of touching, he is right up in her space. Just talking. No dancing - while everyone else in the club is. Keep in mind in these places the music is generally LOUD. These are loud nightclubs. He'll then move her somewhere else to continue talking, or even dance with her for a bit.

I've never been with him when he has pulled that night but the girls he has approached when I have been there have wanted to see him again pretty quickly (he hates this, he prefers going for same night lays and doesn't like Day 2s)

For instance, last night he went in like a sniper to one girl in a group of four, then through her started talking to another girl, the one he wanted. Within seconds him and his girl were alone while the other three went off to dance. After about 5 minutes I saw he wasn't talking to her anymore and asked what happened - he said she had told him it was a "girls night" but was keen on going out with him at some point. Not bad for 5 minutes. But he straight up told her that if it wasn't going to happen tonight he wasn't interested and left. Boss move.

He told me about another girl last week who was keen and wanted to go back but her friends were cockblocking her. She then told him she would love to go out with him soon. He pretty much dropped her there and then.

On rare occasions he will go for day 2s if he really likes the girl (including one he has as a regular now) but most of the time he goes for SNLs. And the girls always want to see him again. And he rarely wants to, confessing that he usually loses interest soon after sleeping with a girl for the first time. And I've seen some of these chicks. They are pretty fucking hot.

He has a natural abundance mentality with the skill to back it up.

His life
He's always out looking for new places to go, people to see. He'll go back to his hometown for weeks at a time (his work is flexible) and party like crazy with his mates when he is up there. His mates are generally all fashionable dudes who have game. He keeps in touch with people and forms friendships easily. Most days I'll hear him in his room laughing on the phone with a mate of his.

It's late now but this picture is not complete. I'll keep talking, going out with him when I can and picking his brain as much as I can to find out more.

If you guys have anything you want to find out about his approach let me know and I may be able to dig up some details.
 
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ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I enjoy my passions. But it'll always be in the back of my mind that they will help with women no doubt. I can't think of anything I do that has zero motivation for helping with women. Pretty much everything I do in my life now is geared towards it (well, I guess everything except my job and programming hobby)
I hear you. But if you continue to not feel great, you may have to really think about this. Does this really sound healthy to you? What message do you think you're sending to women when the only things you do for YOU are a job and a single hobby?
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I hear you. But if you continue to not feel great, you may have to really think about this. Does this really sound healthy to you? What message do you think you're sending to women when the only things you do for YOU are a job and a single hobby?
I appreciate the response but I don't agree. To clarify, I am genuinely doing them for me. The fact that they're impressive to women is a nice side effect that I'm very aware of. For instance on music, a lot of the songs I play are not motivated by women but my own enjoyment. All I need to do to impress most is a couple of chords and some singing. But that's boring to me. Things like learning fairly advanced ragtime are done purely to see how good I can get. Ragtime isn't going to get chicks wet (That's not all I'm playing though, popular music and putting together material for my own songs too)

Same with handstands. Impressive yeah, in the back of my mind yeah it'll be cool to chicks and I look forward to showing off but I'm mainly doing it because of how cool it would be to push my body in that way. It being impressive to chicks is a nice side effect.

Besides, I'm wise enough to know that trying to get chicks through lifestyle like this is inefficient and that the most important thing is just going out, talking to chicks and developing better game. So when I choose to handstand or play piano as opposed to being out there talking to chicks, it's almost always being motivated mainly by doing it for myself.

I'm actually feeling pretty good now. This only comes about when I'm not taking enough of the proper action towards my goals. And yeah, one of my goals is advancing my game so when I have not been putting in enough of the proper action with chicks lately compared to other things and I am reminded of that by other guys killing it I will naturally become unhappy. The unhappiness is my emotions telling me "hey dude, you're not taking enough of the proper actions. You need to figure out a way to win" which isn't a bad thing in my opinion. Just valuable feedback. The answer to which is proper action on that specific goal, not finding even more things to do that will just keep me avoiding the goal even more.
 

Lulu

Space Monkey
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Glad to see you bumping back towards a more positive mindset. You’ve got this!
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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LR: Cute Indian Virgin

So the dry spell is broken. Not much special about this lay so won't put it in the main section.

Meet

Went out with Gold (housemate) last Monday (it was a public holiday here where I live Tuesday otherwise wouldn't have gone out).
Limited myself to two drinks so was fairly sober. Had approached quite a few chicks throughout the night but was just vibing myself when I locked eyes with a cute indian chick in a devil costume who was with her friends. She made her way over to me and we started making out. I wasn't saying much at all, just smiling - she initiated conversation saying I was a good kisser and then asking me my name age and so on. She guessed I was 22, far off the reality (30). She was 25. This was towards the end of the night (2am) so I got her logistics and tried to pull - but she couldn't as she was hosting her friends at her place that night. She asked for my number - I made a joke saying "you're not going to stalk me are you" and got hers instead. Danced some more and the place closed - me and Gold (who didn't pull that night but definitely got more than a few girls who wanted to meet up with him later) then went home.

Texted the next day saying it was good to meet her and teased her about living so far away - she responded saying she didn't think I would text her and that she made it back in one piece, to which I responded "I don't get a number if I'm not going to text lol" to put her at ease. Then "Good to know. But you might have to dust those shoes off again to come have a drink in *MY LOCATION*"

Set up drinks at the usual spot near my place, got her schedule and set the date for Sunday evening. With new girls I want to sleep with I would usually go Friday or Saturday night so they don't have work the next day (so higher chance of pulling) but this chick wasn't quite at the level that I wanted to sacrifice going out Friday or Saturday. Also suspected I would be able to pull her fairly quickly so set early enough (7pm) to allow myself to do this.

The day off she texted around 3pm to confirm, before I was going to send the check in text.

On the way over, I started having some doubts. I'll go into them in another post but what it came down to was essentially "I feel like I'm just doing this to get the lay, not because I truly like this chick. It doesn't feel right". Other things were on my mind which I'll go through in another post.

Date

She got there wearing red with her hair in red as well. She was still cute which was a relief and my doubts went away. Found out quickly that she didn't have work the next day (she was a nurse). Perfect.

We talked about life, hit her with the eight questions, chase frames. She told me about her book collection at home (she lived with her parents) and I teased her about how "it's mainly erotic fiction isn't it", which made her bend over laughing. After two drinks I suggested we explore the venue a bit. They have made these new "cubby house" sections towards the back which are actually perfect isolation spots - they are cozy and have cushions. I didn't bounce to another venue and suggested we go there instead. Sitting next to each other - at some point she made a motion to stand up but didn't. I teased her about that - then said "No we're standing up". As we did, I embraced and made out with her. Then pulled back.

Seeded the pull by talking about movies and TV shows, asking her what her favourite was.

One of the staff members came by to let us know the place was going to close soon, so I suggested we go to mine to watch "Love is Blind" like we'd talked about. No resistance.

Pull

Went to the tram stop. We saw a garbage truck come by and the dude come out to take the bins. He was the most intense garbage man I'd ever seen lol. Wearing a bright yellow vest, he was doing spins and running to grab the bins. It was like a scene out of a movie, lol. Not relevant to the story but it was one of the greatest things I have seen, someone so passionate about taking out the bins.

Got home, made out on the couch without even turning on the TV, when she suggested (before I was about to) that we go upstairs.

When she was lying on my bed she confessed that she was actually a virgin and if that was ok. I said that was fine with a smile and no judgement, which was true. Inside was a little nervous though. There was added pressure for sure and it affected my ability to get hard.

Unfortunately we tried a few times, I penetrated but couldn't stay hard and kept falling out. I suggested we take a breather after a while and that it was normal, to put her mind at ease. Eventually we just cuddled and chatted and fell asleep.

In the morning, I was hard again. Went to make out, then fingered her. Got fully hard, but again, when it came time to penetrate it just went soft. I was quite disappointed, felt that I wanted to make her first time special but dropped the ball. It got close to when I had to work and she also told me she had to get going for her day. She got up and then I let her out.

I was a bit bummed about the situation. I also feel bad because I have no desire to see her again. I do think that my problems staying hard did have something to do with the fact that there wasn't that deep physical attraction for her that I've had for other girls and I'd rather spend my time pursuing girls I truly dig. I'm sure the added pressure of her being a virgin and me telling myself I needed to make it memorable for her didn't help either.

I'm not really sure how to text her to let her know in a way that doesn't destroy her self esteem.. I'm thinking of sending a text similar to one I've gotten from girls in the past "I thought I was ready to start dating again, but I realized I am not".

However I gotta see the positives because I always focus on the damn negatives haha. Dry spell broken and the first time I've ever taken a girls virginity.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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After passing up approaching a gorgeous girl this morning on the way to work and beating myself up about it ever since (this is a repeating pattern, when I'm not out to specifically approach and am caught off guard by a beautiful girl in my day to day life, I usually logic my way out of approaching (I'm going to be late for work yadda yadda) then feel miserable and depressed afterwards. Taking the action no matter how awkward it is always makes me feel better and I don't have this mental weight dragging on me for the next couple of hours. Case in point, approaching that girl today probably would have made me 10 minutes late for work, but I would have been 10 x more effective at work since I wouldn't have been ruminating over what could have been and losing focus. I don't know why I continuously put myself through this pain.

It's time for some accountability. I did this in my last journal years ago.

If I don't approach a beautiful girl who crosses my path like that again, or I watch porn, I am going to write down what happened here. The desire not to spam my journal with lame posts of "bitched out again" or "watched porn again" will hopefully overcome whatever resistances keep popping up.

Edit: I am also going to set a new goal. As Will mentioned in a previous post, do 50 approaches, then review. and refine as necessary.

I am going to aim to do this monthly, so 50 DG approaches per month. And I will count this.

This will hopefully make it easier to lower the barrier to talking to these hotties that come up in my day to day life. Because they will be part of my count to 50. And skipping out on them will mean more work later on having to make up the numbers.

Count starts today: 0. It's already the 10th but will be easier if I cycle at the end of the month. So will check in 1st of December with stats regarding the number I have reached.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Gold (more stories)

I know I should be focusing on myself but more notes on Gold because the consistency of this man is fucking ridiculous. I've never seen anything like it. If he goes out, he will get a girl if he wants to, either that night or if he really likes her a day 2 (with the girl almost always being the one to suggest it).

Found out he's at almost 200 lays and based on what I'm seeing I am not surprised in the slightest. Slept with four new chicks week before last from NG (3 SNLs and 1 Day 2). Multiple other girls wanting to meet up with him later but he nexts a bunch of them unless they're willing to sleep with him that night. All the girls he slept with messaging him wanting to meet up again.

The last night again (it was Sunday night, he invited me out but it was 11pm and I had work the next day so didn't - but he had work too so in retrospect I wish it'd just bitten the bullet and gone out), multiple chicks wanting to go home with him (one who wanted to ditch her boyfriend "it's complicated!"). He's too tired to deal with it so goes home. Then the next morning (MONDAY) he accepts the request of one of the chicks who followed him and she messages him asking if he's free. He invites her over during work (he's WFH) and bangs her at 10am in between sending off a couple emails. I saw her tonight since she came back to return his charger - a hot blonde. He said she was a stripper. She wanted to stay the night but he lied and said he was busy cause he was tired. He's going to try to organize a threesome with her and her stripper friend.

It's one thing to read stories like this online. And I've believed and been inspired by them. But it's really something else to have it be so visible and real. It feels surreal and my brain is still struggling to comprehend. It's inspiring.

Even though I didn't go out with him last night I have gone out with him twice more since my last update. Both times he drank a lot (but both times he was with a mate he met on Bumble BFFs who drinks like crazy, who also has pretty good game (100 lays at 26). He doesn't always rely on alcohol though - last night he only had a couple.

The two times I was out he was definitely in strike mode. 25% dance mode and 75% strike mode, going around the venue, opening girls and "trying to find the one for tonight". The two boys are absolute workhorses and I definitely was not keeping up with them even though the were inspiring me to talk to more girls than I usually would. I was definitely challenged when being around them. It's great being in a group where you are just expected to talk to girls. It's not a big build up like it usually is. Either you talk to girls or you're on your own, because they're not going to stick around just shooting the shit with you, they would rather be going and talking to girls. I loved the intensity of it and will continue to go out with him when I can.

My accountability

As for me - the no porn streak has been successful so far. The accountability has worked. Have also approached four chicks since my last entry (DG, not including NG) not as many but these are all chicks I have felt a deep attractive pull for. I have not skipped out on any I have found truly beautiful. Generally very well received. Have also not specifically been out to DG due to other commitments over the weekend but even then, disappointingly haven't come across too many beautiful chicks over the past couple of days.

1st. Technically not an approach but it was the girl helping out my hairdresser as I was getting my highlights done (I get them every year). Flirted back and forth, got her number, she with a smile said "I shouldn't be doing this but I'm going to give it to you". Unfortunately after responding to the first text didn't respond to my followup.

2nd. After leaving the hair place and walking to my car. Super sexy tall and fashionable brunette. She had a boyfriend but I could sense she was attracted. Had a fun chat back and forth, pointed her in the direction of where she needed to go (she was lost) and went on my way.

3rd. Supermarket. In front of the bin liners when I opened with "Hey, can you recommend which colour bin liner I should get? I want to make my bin look as sexy as possible". She laughed and suggested one, but was a bit closed off. I transitioned direct as she was heading off, but she said she had a partner.

4th. Walking home from work today - sexy blonde chick. Opened direct, she smiled and was flattered but she was married.

Mindset

A good mindset that I've been trying to adopt recently is not "how would an attractive man act in this situation" but "how would a man who loved women act in this situation". If I'm thinking "how would an attractive man act in this situation" the ego still starts getting in the way of talking, of naturally interacting with chicks, of playing a bit hard to get and not opening up. But instead if I'm thinking "how would a man who deeply loved women act in this situation", there is no ego involved. He would naturally be excited about talking to them, touching them, interacting with them, getting as close to them as possible. He wouldn't be stressing about what to say, or saying dumb shit. His love and passion would do a lot of the legwork in communicating his intent.

Not easy to maintain all the time but it has been helping.
 
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Calibration

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I've changed my username and have decided to start a new journal for a few reasons.

My last journal (here) had no specific goal in mind. I just mentioned that I “wanted to track my progress” but I didn’t really know what I was progressing towards besides “getting better with women”. In that journal which I started in June last year I slept with 5 new women (three from online, one from nightgame and one from social circle) all on the first date, and had countless more experiences with women for better or for worse. Not bad especially considering I was out for months due to COVID, but I don’t think I left these women better than when I found them. None of them turned into regulars. I also hardly cold approached up until the end of the journal, despite talking about it a lot my approach numbers sucked. It’s only in the last few weeks that I upped the volume considerably – in the last couple of weeks I approached over 150. A lot of whiny bitchy moments in that journal.

But I think it has helped me hone in on what I actually want (at least from women). And the sort of man I want to be. When I started that journal I think my hope was still that I would hit it off with a girl using the material and then would be able to call it a day. I think I've had enough experiences (detailed in the journal) dealing with girls who might have made good girlfriends consistently leaving after one, two dates or the first time having sex to realize that I need to go deeper or they will never stick around longer. That my positive, upbeat attitude which is initially attracting them is not being counterbalanced by my sexual nature. I’m failing to connect with these women in a real way.

That is the focus of this journal. Rebuilding my very core.. Becoming a grounded, masculine individual, a charming asshole with a heart of gold, a man women fantasize about rather than just another clueless AFC beating his head against the wall. Becoming a positive force of energy for everyone I meet, man, woman, old, young. Having a magnetic, warm presence that people can just sense and are irresistibly drawn to and, more importantly, want to stay around and follow. Having a rock solid frame. Being attractive to young women well into my 50s and beyond. Dripping sexuality with every word I say and action I take. Having beautiful women in my life at any one time. And being able to fuck them so well that they keep coming back for more. And having this just be the sort of person I am, from waking up in the morning to going to bed at night, without relying on alcohol (fake confidence). In “The Alabaster Girl” Zan mentioned two types of men on their deathbed – the first man is alone, he may have family and they cry when he dies, but the whole thing is solemn, and he will soon be forgotten by all but his family. The second man is surrounded by family, friends and women from all walks of life. He touched them all in some way, and they’re all here crying and laughing together, celebrating the amazing life he had. He has a smile on his face as he remembers all the memories he made, and how he feels he didn’t miss out on anything. That’s the man I want to be.

This is why I chose this username. It has a lot of different meanings, and all of them represent some part of who I want to be. Beam means a smile – I’ve struggled with depressive episodes, and I would like to become a happy person. A beam shines bright and show the way forward. Beams of light can be warm, and penetrate into peoples bodies. Beams can be solid, supporting structures. They can support a strong frame.

This is what I want. To break myself down, ego and all, and build up a rock-solid, unshakeable frame. I want to be a warm and empathetic person. I want women (and men) to bend to my frame willingly and with awe. I want to control every interaction, understand what is happening with her emotions at any point, and know what to say/do to bring her to the emotional state I want her in. I don’t ever want to feel out of control or blindsided by a “I see you as a friend” or “we should take a break” ever again. And while I’ll get a lot more of them no doubt as I shed the nice guy bullshit that has been drilled into me a lot further than I’d realized, I want to recognize and stamp it out in its tracks.

This is pretty much what Chase has been saying all along. But I didn’t quite “get it” and thought I could still take shortcuts, that women would forgive me for my mistakes and everything would be Gucci. I now realize due to some bad experiences that that is not going to happen, the margin of error is razor thin, and it is only through doing this shit again and again that I'll get what I want.

Before I wasn’t approaching this as a skill to level up with. Now I realize that I’ll spin my wheels if I don’t.

Sucking with women is the single biggest thing that has sapped my confidence for years, and it has spilled into every other area of my life. So I would like to make it a priority and set aside most other endeavors for a while. That means keeping the 9-5 for now as a bit of stability (and focusing on making my own business further down the track – I originally wanted to start one before 30 but it can wait). Setting aside music and comedy for a few months, with the hope to return to them so I can eventually perform. Fitness is a tough one – I’m in good shape, not elite shape. But it will go on maintenance mode for at least a few months.

Specific action plan to come.
I don't know how I ended up here but this was very powerful and very well laid out
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
I don't know how I ended up here but this was very powerful and very well laid out
Cheers dude :) Slowly clawing back the drive I had when I made this journal.

Today - 3DG. Not tracking too well to 50. Still having a tough time finding girls attractive enough to approach.

Me: Going for a run in a beige muscle top. Most of my wardrobe is becoming beige due to the nice contrast with my darker skin.

5. Romanian woman - complimented her on her hair and we started chatting. Talked about travel, experiences with drugs etc etc. Found out at the end of like 7 minutes that she was married. One of the things I consistently fail at is screening for a partner early. When she mentioned she was heading back from the gym I could have mentioned "ah, to relax and have dinner with your boyfriend" or similar.

6. Short, black haired woman - ran up to her side from behind her but she was older than I realised and so complimented her and bailed.

7. Hottie dressed to the nines in a black work uniform. Was intimidated as I was in my muscle tank and almost didn't, but went for it and opened with that.

"Hey, I know I'm in my workout gear, and you're dressed to the nines, but I'm not walking past and not saying anything. I'm Beam"

She laughed and was flattered. Surprised at how warm she was however I suspect it was more from finding me cute rather than attractive. Found out she was going to eat as she was hungry. Quickly found out she was an accountant, joked about being a male stripper when she asked which she laughed at, touched her on the arm to say I was joking to initate some kino before saying what I actually did. When she mentioned she had no idea about engineering, I said that perhaps I could teach her and she could teach me about accounting.
Sensed she was in a rush so number closed. After finding out she didn't drink alcohol or coffee suggested a walk in the park I had teased her about it first "no alcohol or coffee?" perhaps saying "I guess we'll just have to do my place" instead.

That being said, I don't think it was a solid interaction. Feel I was more funny entertainer rather than attractive so I'm not expecting a text back. When I initially suggested it she said she would take my number which to me isn't a good sign. I instead got hers and she said "I may not text back quickly, things are busy now!" which I take as a polite rejection. Will text anyway and see what happens.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
773
DG:

5 more since my last update. 4 had boyfriends (3 seemed genuine, 1 I think wasn't interested), 1 number close.
Standard response to the boyfriend was "do you want a second" with a cheeky smile. The three who genuinely had them laughed.
The number close was strong. Tall, sexy, pale with striking blue eyes. Stopped her just outside her hair appointment but she stayed and was late. Responded to first text. I have to go away to this shitty little town for work for a couple days starting Sunday so am trying to set something up before I head out.

NG:
Short sexy 20yo italian looking chick insta close. Responding but being evasive to attempts to meet up. Wasn't much touch in interaction/no makeout. Not surprised it's being difficult.

Made out with a tall sudanese chick. Didn't really enjoy it. Gold had hooked up with her friend. Still tried to pull anyway but she said "It's my cousins birthday - they'll kill me if I leave". Then she started trying to get me to buy her a shot - I left soon after.

Couple other go nowhere interactions - was persistent but think the girls just weren't interested.

Suspect my energy is off. Because in one of the interactions I went up boldly and led a girl to dance in a circle. All her friends were smiling and laughing.

This is an opener I've been using - when a group is dancing in a circle with lots of space in the centre, go up to the girl you want to talk to and tell her "there's a lot of space in that circle. You should dance". Then when she refuses "Noo I can't" which has happened both times, you offer to lead. "Alright, I'll go and you come with me". Quick way to command and lead her from the get go.

Later in the night when energy was a bit lower/had been blown out a couple of times, went to talk to one of the girl who had been smiling and laughing from the circle and she turned away.

Sensing the negative energy of a dude out to get laid vs the fun playful sexy energy of a dude out to give fun

Need to channel that more.


Mindset

Despite this still feel the negative mindset cropping up frequently. It's like I'm not allowing myself to be positive and confident because of a the almost constant string of failures the last couple months (the few successes haven't been enough to stave it off. Possibly because the successes haven't been too satisfying (mediocre sex with a merely cute chick and a few bedroom encounters with HBAmerican (no sex) who has been slow to respond). I noticed that I've been walking around the office with a scowl on my face the last couple weeks.

After my gangbang FU some of the guys linked me to this.

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/create-your-own-confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/

It's something I need to internalize because it's my biggest problem still. Letting external feedback dictate to myself whether I am high value or not. During and straight after the relationship I felt high value. In the months since I have struggled to gain traction I have struggled to see myself as such.

I should be of the mindset that it doesn't matter if 1000 girls ignore or reject me in a row, I still love myself regardless. Obviously that's a hypothetical since if 1000 girls rejected me in a row something would be very wrong. But having the loving mindset would calm my mind and allow me to more efficiently work out where the problem areas are instead of lying in bed depressed, which isn't productive in any way.

This is of course easier said than done. If I'm being honest with myself, deep down I don't really like myself right now. Main reason being I still don't feel like I am taking enough of the proper action towards my goals because I am lacking faith and self belief.

Stumbled across an article today which spoke to me a lot and describes what I'm feeling right now perfectly:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/there-aren-t-enough-girls-or-are-there

I'm operating in a scarcity mentality - "There aren't enough attractive girls, there isn't enough time, I don't have enough money, my job will never give me enough money, I don't have enough time to work on everything I want to right now"

Everything feels scarce right now.

And taking action from a scarcity mindset right now is hard. Really really hard.

I need to prioritize fixing my beliefs. It took the guy in that SoSuave post months of daily meditation to reprogram himself to the point he truly believed these things. While continuing to take action of course.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
On DG quantity.

Approaching a lot has been difficult as I've just been focused on girls I've felt a true attractive pull towards. Problem is there aren't too many that have this effect. I pass up on perfectly hot girls because the pull isn't there.

Part of me wonders whether it's because I haven't had positive sexual experiences with those types before but I remember feeling the pull towards the same girls today than I did when I hadn't slept with anyone before.

Nevertheless, it's much better if I can get turned on by more girls as it will allow me to go for more and feel more sexual around them. Visualising having sex with them or already having had sex with them to turn myself on and act accordingly.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Pissed at myself.

The number close from yesterday, think I must have come across too eager with the texting. Didn't just follow the text sequence - probably because I was in a rush to just set something up before heading off Sunday:

7:58pm Me, icebreaker: Hey L, it's Beam! Was unexpected but great meeting you earlier. Hope I didn't make your too late for your appointment ;)
8:30pm L: Hey Beam, nice to meet you too! Didn't make me late, but got a load of questions from the hairdresser on what was going on. You flying out tomorrow?
9:19pm Me: Curious to hear what you said, ha.
Me: No, I'll be heading out Sunday. Let me know what your schedules looking like and lets see if we can grab that drink before I leave :cool:

No response, it's now 10:40am. Too quick, too eager, too needy. Should have just send the "save my number" which has worked 50 times and set something up today. Not sure where to go from here but I"m pissed at myself.

HBAmerican and HBStylist have texted back apologizing for their slow responses, but this is not the first time it's happened. They apologize for the slow responses, I respond giving them the benefit of the doubt, then they're slow to respond again.

I'm not even going to respond to HBStylist and I'm ending things with HBAmerican if she doesn't respond today. Not going to tolerate this BS anymore. SIck of feeling small and insignificant.
 
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Skills

Tribal Elder
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South Florida
Pissed at myself.

The number close from yesterday, think I must have come across too eager with the texting. Didn't just follow the text sequence - probably because I was in a rush to just set something up before heading off Sunday:






No response, it's now 10:40am. Too quick, too eager, too needy. Should have just send the "save my number" which has worked 50 times and set something up today. Not sure where to go from here but I"m pissed at myself.

HBAmerican and HBStylist have texted back apologizing for their slow responses, but this is not the first time it's happened. They apologize for the slow responses, I respond giving them the benefit of the doubt, then they're slow to respond again.

I'm not even going to respond to HBStylist and I'm ending things with HBAmerican if she doesn't respond today. Not going to tolerate this BS anymore. SIck of feeling small and insignificant.
dude hard close without soft closing...this is what happens...
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Was typing a response to you Skills and she literally just responded

"All good things were said! I've got my Christmas party tomorrow night so not sure I'll be in a good state Saturday to be honest!"

Also I had proposed drinks in person, but looking back she didn't fully agree even though there was definite attraction. so maybe jumped the gun. If I hadn't mentioned drinks at all I would have gone for a soft close.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Haven't updated this in a while but I have been active in field. Lots has happened so will try to distill the main points. There are some persistent sticking points which keep cropping up with younger girls in particular.

DG

Got an instant date with a cute young looking German PhD (direct street stop) got milkshakes but afterwards instead of staying in the interaction, I started getting really stressed out and uncomfortable, paranoid that I'd overstayed my welcome and that I was going to creep her out if I stayed and I wished her well (after getting her instagram). She didn't respond to my insta message.

Why did this happen? I feel like even though it was a direct approach, I was hiding the banana. She also looked really young which added to the stress because I sort of felt like a creeper (but she was a PhD so couldn't have been that young). When I feel like I am hiding the banana, that she doesn't know what my true intentions are, that's when I get stressed out. If I'm being bold sexual and playful and I know that she knows what's up, the cards are layed out, and the fact that she's staying means that she has accepted it, which puts me completely at ease.

Straight after bailing, I approached another German blonde chick. Ended up meeting up with her a week later (I had to go away for work). Unfortunately logistics were not in my favour (met in the city as she was unfamiliar with my part of the city). Language barrier was large, I was teaching her. Flirted at points "How do you say "you are sexy" in German?" Then when she told me, I would repeat it, she giggled and told me I was sexy too. Complimented my teeth too. But the bars had these annoying fixed stools and it was hard to get closer. Made a weak attempt to bounce to a bar near mine, could have definitely pushed more here, I pretty much just gave in to her objection like a moron "I'm not familiar with that part of the city, would rather stay near here rather than take a tram out". And I just said "fair enough" like an idiot, then we went to another bar, she got hungry, we had food sitting next to each other, I felt the sexual vibe just declining and ended the date after food. No makeout. It was early too, like 4-6ish. Not surprised the vibe died. Turning point was definitely when I had suggested going to mine, after that is when it started to decline.

This chick seemed a bit aloof, but I suspect it is because she was insecure about her English rather than lack of attraction. I probably could have turned it around but I don't know, just didn't have the drive to or attempt to get her out again.

Had a date with the super sexy chick from my last journal entry. Heavy makeout but she didn't come home. She's coming over tomorrow, last time she's available until Jan 6th so we'll see what happens.


NG

Still fucking demoralizing because of how much I struggle with it but I soldier on because I'm stubborn and refuse to quit and also the girls are so damn hot.

Last couple of weeks I've had some positive experiences sprinkled with some really harsh rejections (harsher than I've gotten in a long time)

Some positive situations:

Dancing arm in arm with this super sexy brunette who was hooked and asking questions. Her cockblocking friend pulled her away. Maybe we were getting too handsy, perhaps could have pulled back and engaged the friend (however my wing was engaging the friend, but she still came in to pull my girl away)

Opened a two set indirectly commenting on a TV screen of a stripper on a pole. One was a sexy brunette, and the other was her slightly overweight but still cute friend. Sexy brunette asked my name, invited me upstairs to chat with them. Conversation flowing, her guy friend comes and is engaging friend while me and my girl are talking and touching. There was a stripper pole in the venue so at some point told her to do a move while I did the same. We frame - us both doing pole dancing lessons together. She asked where my friends were and said they should come up too. I said they were off talking to other people. However, at some point my friends came and said they were heading to another bar. I knew they weren't going to get into this bar so I so said I was happy chilling here, since I had to leave early anyway. Brunette was encouraging me to go but I wanted to stay, projecting that I enjoyed her company. Must not have hit the way I expected because I felt the mood shift. She pulled back after this and gave me a weird look. She must have thought it was weird that I didn't go with my friends (she rarely went out so maybe going out was a big deal for her, so she didn't understand that I saw these dudes all the time). Nevertheless, after a short while I had clearly overstayed my welcome and left. Messaged her the next day, no response.

Made out with this thai chick. She was into me and kept coming up to me. She was a bit overweight so I wasn't that interested and wanted to game other hotter chicks instead. But that night I was getting blown out like crazy and ended up going home soon after alone so should have just said fuck my ego and tried to take her home, probably would have learned a thing or two.

7/11 - very young looking short brunette hottie walks past not making eye contact. My brain tells me not to even bother assuming she's not going to be interested (bad attitude I know). I go and lean against a shelf while my mate buys something and she lines up behind him, right in front of me. I look at her and she looks at me. We smile and start joking about 7/11 being the hottest destination in the city. She's still in the convo when my mate finishes up and we head out. Don't know why I headed out. Mate commented on this. "She liked you, you could have kept that going. Could have told her to meet you outside or something" "Gotta make it more man to woman, I notice you keep things very platonic"
Went back after he said this (was going to make it incidental so it didn't look like I just came back for her" but she'd already gone.

Some negative situations:

Opened a two set start of the night. They seemed friendly enough. Later went back to dance with the sexier one. Her cockblocking friend pulls her away. I saw her doing that with other guys too. Reengaged and took her hand. There was definitely some attraction there. Held hands, she commented they were cold. Used one of Chases standard responses for that one with got a bit of a laugh. Friend pulled her away again.

Later on, reengaged again (she had made out with another dude by now). Vibe a bit different, more "aww". She probably saw me getting blown out multiple times (this was the same night as Thai chick). Cunty friend pulls her away again "Go away!". I confront her this time "Why are you being so weird?".

"She doesn't want to talk to you. She just feels bad'

Maybe if you hadn't pulled her away every 5 seconds that wouldn't have happened. I told her that was a shit thing to say and that she must be a very unhappy person. Probably got too reactive.

Another girl a couple nights back. Complimented her on her skirt while touching it. "Don't touch me". Whatever.

Other times just blank stares when I engage. They make it clear from their faces they don't want to talk.

These situations used to make me crumple up and get depressed. I'm honestly giving less fucks about them now.

But of course they still bother me since they are obstacles to my goal. And I'm clearly doing something wrong if I'm almost universally getting dismissed outright. I'm trying to dig deep to find out what is going on. Gold said it seemed like I was too polite. I think so. I think I come across hesitant and doubtful even when I think I'm being confident. I don't go in with the energy of a man used to winning. Because I haven't been winning. And they can sense that, and it's creepy. And it's a feedback loop, where the more I feel chicks think I'm creepy, the more hesitant I become in general, and the creepier I become.

It's not just the reactions of the girls though that make me feel like a creeper and make me hesitant to approach, part of it is internal too.

There are two parts to it -

The first is based on my social frame. Particularly, my appearance and demeanour. The more I dress and look like a fuckboy, the less like a creeper I feel (again, coming back to the fact that when I dress that way, I'm projecting sexuality and if girls interact with me like that, they know what's up and what my intent is). If I dress nicely and I look good (hell even if I'm in a tee and shorts), but there's nothing that stands out, nothing that really projects sexuality, then I feel like a creeper most of the time.

Fashion wise, during winter to achieve this look I wore black pants, a black t-shirt, white sneakers, two necklaces, rings and an oversized beige jacket. Now we've headed into summer I was struggling to find an equivalent for what I wanted to project (most of my summer outfits while looking good haven't really projected raw sexuality). But last night I wore ripped black jeans, black boots, a slightly oversized light green tee and a single dogtag necklace. This achieved the look that I wanted - will be looking for more slightly oversized tees in different colours.

Secondly is body. The larger I feel, the more space I feel I take up, the less creepy I feel. When I'm lean, even though I look good without a shirt on, for some reason going out with a tight fitting t-shirt I just feel small. There's a reason a lot of girls like bigger dudes, feel more protected. Even if the dude carries more weight. Lots of big powerlifter looking dudes with beards who women feel safe around. Can't help but feel that lots of chicks just don't feel safe around me/see me as a threat. With the puffer jacket in winter and the slightly oversized t-shirt in summer, this allows me to increase perceptions of my size while I continue to work out six days a week and gain mass.

The second is based on game and vibe. Not waffling around talking stupid bs. But having it be clear from words and actions to the girl that this is what I'm about. This includes being physical.
 
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