Cultivating the X Factor

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Somehow seems like you're in a silo thinking mode right now. Feeling strong pressure to succeed and perhaps missing the cues that you're speeding past with gritted teeth.
I've never heard of the term silo thinking before. Seems you're using it to mean being focused on one thing, the goal, and as a result not paying as much attention to what's actually going on around you, not taking more time to read others. Which makes sense.

I googled silo thinking and found a different definition (working in isolation and not communicating with other members of the team at a workplace). Which ironically is also how I've been feeling - isolated and not using the resources available to me effectively. I've kind of always been this way going it alone which I'm starting to really see the limits of.

At least for me I know this feeling rather well at times. Both good that it makes you feel so driven and taking action, and even better if you remember to do something as simple as pause, take a deep breath, hold it for a few moments, and as you release you also feel the tension and pressure somehow release from your mind and body. Still there but detached, distant. Which gives you the room to think with a clearer mind.

You seem to have great self-awareness so this is probably something more natural to you.

Perhaps take a moment to think about what you're doing well, what you still can improve specifically, and what steps you can take to get there?

I've been practicing the concept of letting go which is similar to what you describe. Actually it did help. The next night after I wanted to crash my car I sat in the car before going out meditating for 10 minutes, letting the negative thoughts come up fully and then releasing them. I felt a lot better and went on to have a great night opening everyone and not caring if I got rejected or not. I wasn't really thinking with a clearer mind though, more unclogging the negativity. I'm sure with more practice being able to think clearly would be a by-product.

It's true that it's a lot easier to see what I'm doing well when I let go of the negative thoughts. For instance, being more physical than I used to be, getting better at making my intentions clear (dirty talking, being unafraid to be sexual or make statements such as "I want to kiss you" with complete conviction). Leading. Gold and Stache both told me "you gotta be more decisive when you do things. Don't say "Hey, what do you say we go do X" and instead be more commanding, "Let's go." "Let's do this". "We're dancing". Which I've slowly been implmenting. Still not fully natural without a couple drinks.

Just wanted to comment with my thoughts.
I appreciate it!
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Who are Gold and Stache? Are they naturals? PUAs?

You can simply ask them what they do or say
Or observe them and pay attention

Compare with yours, test and see what works
Gold is my housemate. I've never met anyone better than him with women in person. Stache is his mate (now mine too) who is also extremely good. I made a post about them here and have referenced them in my journal the last couple months:
Oh trust me I have. And I have definitely seen improvements in my open and hook rate since paying attention to how they approach. Problem is once they get in set, then I can't obvserve as well what they saying or doing. And they don't really give much usable advice for this stage.

"You just have to not give a shit"
"You just have to have a good time"
"Beam you're hilarious, you make me laugh. If you talked to the girls like you talked to me they'd be all over you"

I should also point out that both (Gold and especially Stache) drink fucktons every time they go out. And when I drank that much the other night I was also effortlessly in that state, dancing and making out with girls to the point where Stache was like "How are you doing it?'. So they do have an unfair advantage in that respect (because I don't want to drink that much, for health and also money reasons - I also can't afford to spend 150 dollars everytime I go out like they seem to).

They have given me great nuggets though which I've been implementing, like in the previous post talking about leading decisively (telling her what's happening). Mindsets (they have great mindsets). "You're never going to see these women again. Who cares. Women are infinite. They're everywhere".
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. It's tough to feel like you've slid a long way down from where you were at. But it's part of life. It's not going to be the last time you face this kind of challenge, so you may as well figure this one out.

Not to assume too much but it seems like a part of you never got over the breakup and is seizing your emotions, making you feel vulnerable and out of control when you want to be able to lead.

Hmm, maybe I'm not fully over it. We'd known each other for 8 and a half months and it hasn't even been that time since the breakup. I have missed the intimacy a lot lately especially when I've been in the darkest moments. I do feel if I was just getting regular sex this would be a non issue (maybe)

For me, the only way to deal with this kind of trapped emotion is to accept it and try to understand it in a constructive way. Only then does it free up the emotional energy that it uses to keep itself locked in place. Meditation and self-reflection is very very useful here.

One thing that I did do that did work for a short time was Letting Go (feeling into the emotion fully, not rejecting it. And then once you have fully felt it, letting it go). I did find this help a lot and need to make it more of a habit rather than shutting it out which I've been doing lately.

I have also been meditating a lot more lately but I've been struggling to focus as my thoughts always swirl around women.

Remember life is a hero's journey. That means there are times when you're pushing through the dark alone. But you're not really alone, because you have all the parts of yourself that you denied, if only you would go and forgive them and meet them with some kind of humility, they would come together to make you whole, and keep you company everywhere you go, so that you would be completely at peace with no one else around but yourself.
I will havve to read and reflect on this a few times as I don't fully grasp it yet.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
773
Beam i know you are frustrated due to negative momentum, being in negative momentum is horrible, it seems like you have no clue, what is that i am doing wrong, and you can go into a spiral... Having friends good with women next to you succeeding and in positive momentum make things that much harder..... One thing to do during negative momentum, is to take step back and you looking were the sticking point or points maybe, and what are you doing good, for example you are excellent are opening, you are ok reaching the hook point, your texting follow upis getting you dates, they are not flaking on the dates (this is huge getting dates)....

It's true, I have been doing a lot of things well and have been noting them down (have gone into more detail in my above replies). Such as being more physical than I used to be (such as just taking the girls hands to dance instead of asking), getting better at making my intentions clear (dirty talking, being unafraid to be sexual or make statements such as "I want to kiss you" with complete conviction). Leading. Gold and Stache both told me "you gotta be more decisive when you do things. Don't say "Hey, what do you say we go do X" and instead be more commanding, "Let's go." "Let's do this". "We're dancing". Which I've slowly been implmenting. Still not fully natural without a couple drinks.

On dates, I really haven't been getting too many. Only a couple in the whole month of Feb, definitely a lot of room for improvement.

Also a bit of luck plays a factor i been on set were there are 3 gilrs and i got stuck with the harderst one no down one (at times this happens)....

Yeah, I wish I had more luck sometimes... I would have hoped to have had more after being at it so long but that's life I guess.

Finally there is something called "commission breath" that is when a sales dude is on a sales lump that is gone through months and he knows he is going to go broke and about to get fired, that makes his interaction more desperate and clients can feel this.... Same happens in seduction

I have thought about this - definitely something is probably off and the women are picking up on it - the failure is probably subcommunicating "this guy isn't getting any" I can actually feel the difference in how I was a few months ago vs now. Even though I know what it feels like to be that confident attractive person, trying to be it now just feels forced and awkward., like I'm a fraud Almost feels like I'm powerless to change it.

and water is wet make sure your fundamentals are on point (this is important to)....

Have been hitting the gym a lot harder lately and getting leaner, incorporating sprints. A problem I'm facing is that the leaner I get the older I seem to look which I don't think is helping very much.... I'm trying to figure out how to get around this. I think it's simply a matter of getting more lean mass.

Sort of like the difference between Christian Bale in the Machinist vs Batman. Obviously I'm not that extreme but it's an example of how you can be super lean and look old and gaunt vs being lean and having size so as a result you look athletic. Don't think my lean size is quite there yet.

Fashion is due for more of an upgrade too. A lot better than it was a couple of months ago but still some items that date me (chelsea boots etc) like Vel said.

I am going to tell you that from what i am seeing that has to be twick back from previous years, is a bit more physicality at clubs, notice how your wings are getting more physical, this is an important point that i am hammering in the forum, physicality that was a bit gone from previous years is back (i know you a girl told you, that you touch her hand blah blah but don't go by that backward rationalization or off timing, or bad micro escalation)..... I am also going to work on a dating post more clean at updated eventually.
Yeah that girl was an exception but also, the touch was miscalibrated anyway. I agree, I'm seeing that as well and the girls have been responding very well to more physicality. I've had to really push myself to do this though, I had to overcome negative beliefs around touching women in clubs (not without reason, I had a lot of negative reactions when I got physical with women in clubs years ago which traumatized me). Excited to see where this goes.
 

Will_V

Chieftan
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tribal-elder
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Hmm, maybe I'm not fully over it. We'd known each other for 8 and a half months and it hasn't even been that time since the breakup. I have missed the intimacy a lot lately especially when I've been in the darkest moments. I do feel if I was just getting regular sex this would be a non issue (maybe)

Relationships have a way of bringing out the things we've struggled to set right in our life. At least that's the way it was with me. A good woman can put you on your toes without even bringing things up directly, just by making you look at the reflection in her eyes.

It's a little easier to work on setting things straight when she's there to support you, but at the end of the day, and certainly with the most difficult things in life, you have to find the answer between yourself and whatever your source of meaning is (and that is not women). Because if you don't, she will eventually become the source of that problem you have to deal with alone, and then you won't know where to look for an answer.

One thing that I did do that did work for a short time was Letting Go (feeling into the emotion fully, not rejecting it. And then once you have fully felt it, letting it go). I did find this help a lot and need to make it more of a habit rather than shutting it out which I've been doing lately.

What helped me the most after my breakup (which probably took me a year or more to fully get over) was simply reflecting on things and accepting every little mistake I made and every unsolved issue I brought to the relationship in a very humble, sort of meditating way, and understanding why things happened the way they did. I don't really know of any other good form of long term therapy for anything in life.

A lot of times when we dive into seduction and filling our lives with women there's a lot of stuff under the surface that goes unresolved, sometimes dating back from very early in life. And while having women around is perhaps the beginning of resolving it (or certainly a help) it's necessary through self reflection to develop a concept of ourselves and discover what needs to be independently resolved, or otherwise women become a sort of pseudo object for the problem, and as long as we have them we're fine, but if not everything goes to hell.

I will havve to read and reflect on this a few times as I don't fully grasp it yet.

The way I see it, the greatest thing a man can achieve is to be free and whole without anything else but his own mind. And to look at everything else as a gift. But if he cannot do that (and every man struggles more or less with this) then the question is - what part of his mind which is needed for his tranquility has escaped him?
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Two months. I’ve been meaning to make this update for so long but the longer I’ve put it off the more likely I’ve been to put it off again since it gets longer and longer. To say a lot has happened has been an understatement. I’ll get to the girl part in a minute but first, some major things that have been happening in my life outside of the realm of women (although some still relate to women):

Life:

  • I purchased a property. My parents were selling their investment property (a little one bedroom) by the beach (and close to one of my favourite spots) and after a lot of deliberation and combing through my finances I have decided to purchase. Obviously this is a huge deal. It marks my entry into the property market, but also has forced me to really get smart about my finances once and for all. I created a few budgeting programs of my own (none of the apps out there did what I wanted) so that every week I can easily work out exactly how much I am saving (taking into account all other factors such as yearly expenses etc). One of my biggest concerns of course was locking me into my current city, and then limited options in the future regarding travel. But this was a good opportunity (with prices being low and interest rates looking to peak, so hopefully from now prices will increase and interest rates will lower – good for me), and I can always sell later if I desire. Logistics wise the place is great – it is right by the beach so during summer will be no shortage of hot tourists floating around. And it’s still pretty close to the city. I’ll be moving later in the year.

  • I picked up a second job teaching kids about programming as part of after school classes. I found this when I was looking for higher paid jobs in my field. For some extra cash, but honestly the money was a small part (in fact the money’s not that great and there are more efficient ways to make money). I’ve been curious about teaching for a while, thought I’d be good at it, and wanted to have the experience. Had my first class last week (shadowing another instructor) with a bunch of 8-12 year olds. They start asking my age and guess I’m 18, lol. When I told them 30 they were long “you look young”. Yay, validation from kids. It was a fun and educational experience, especially learning how to be an authority figure. We’ll see how long I stick with it.

  • Dancing. I started dancing Bachata again. I’d started in Jan last year and was good at it, but stopped when I got into the relo (since the primary reason I was doing it was to meet sexy women). And damn are there some sexy women in the classes. But I actually find them intimidating. Most of the sexiest ones are from overseas (South America, Europe). And these women are different. I don’t have as much experience with them – I mainly have experience with Australian girls across the spectrum from shy introverts to bubbly extroverts. But these girls, there’s something about them. They’re very confident, self assured (at least they come across that way). And I feel a bit out of my element. It’s a good thing. And I can tell they do find my physically appealing in some way (I’ve noticed the way they look at me when we dance – they’re not shy but they look me in the eyes with a cheeky sexy look). But I’ve been completely retarded – I come to the class and leave, and rarely have the balls to go up and just chat and get to know them. I’ve approached hundreds of women and yet in a social environment like this, I’m too pussy to talk to them. I’ve noticed I do this in most social circle environments actually. In some ways I’m more comfortable with cold approach because you’ll never see those women again. When it comes to people you will see again, any fuckup or awkward moment stays with you. Not all the time, I’ve made moves on girls in social circles recently, but that’s overwhelmingly not the case. But I digress. As a result, I’m a month in and a loner in these classes, while other people have groups they practice with. I’ve got to make more of an effort to talk and engage with others. I will note that I have tried engaging with others (girls and guys) and they’ve been friendly, but I don’t get the feeling they’re really interested in becoming friends or getting to know me more.

  • Music. I’ve been playing a lot more piano lately again. My focus is on making music – I find it very hard though since I’m a perfectionist. But I just have to focus on sitting down, actually completing a song by a certain date and worrying about tidying it up/improving it later. Otherwise I’ll forever be stuck in the unfinished phase. DJing – haven’t really given it much attention lately, I only bring out the decks when there’s a party but I don’t put in the time and attention it deserves in order to be really good. With everything else going on it has been lower on the list of priorities.

  • Exercise. Has become much more critical. I notice if I don’t work out for a sizable amount of times, I start feeling creaks in my body and become more injury prone. Working out used to be for aesthetics, but now I need it so I don’t break down. I’ve come to love the feeling of getting stronger because of what it means (less injuries, feeling more full and alive). The aesthetics can’t be discounted though. I am keenly aware of how differently I am treated based on how I look. If I work out 5 days in a row (and am eating a lot in order to sustain this growth), I have a fullness that is hard to describe. I look younger and fitter and see a noticeable uptick in glances and improvement in my interactions with women (especially younger women).
    When I get busy or injured (which unfortunately has happened – injured my shoulder doing handstands and was out for a bit) and can’t work out for a while, I notice I start to look smaller, my frame looks smaller, I look older (not in a good way. Imagine the difference between Christian Bale in Batman vs the Machinist). The difference is quite drastic, especially in nightclubs where women just dismiss or treat me really badly when I’m in this state. Whereas when I’ve been working out, my frame is stronger, it improves my social frame considerably and I feel part of the world – and the girls treat me as such. Nutrition plays a big part in this – I find when eating lower carbs this tends to happen, but increase carbs too much and I start to bloat which also doesn’t look good. I find a refeed strategy tends to work best, where most of the time I don’t eat many carbs but one/two days a week I’ll go nuts, eating much more than I’m comfortable with.

  • AI and Tech. I’ve more and more just started owning that this is a big part of my life and always will be. I’m a geek, I love tech, I love playing with it, and I love seeing where we can take it. I’ve been playing around with AI a lot over the last couple of months, and it has helped me in my job and personal life. Make no mistake though, this isn’t just a hobby. It’s one of my few interests that could be truly lucrative if I find the right niche. The more I play with these tools and understand their capabilities, the more I will be able to find new and interesting use cases for them that could be used to generate additional sources of income.


Girls:

Nightgame;


I have definitely seen improvement over the last couple of months. Two notable interactions (one FR and one LR from back to back weeks) I’ve detailed here:

FR: Beautiful short brunette, missed escalation window but not sure what I should have done.

LR: Gorgeous brunette off the dancefloor (Nightgame)

Some other notable interactions from that I haven’t detailed before:

  1. 20yo attempted pull to bathroom: I was dancing and vibing when this sexy short and tight chick starts walking past me. I turn around and she’s stopped right in front of me. I think she wants to pass but she’s not moving. I don’t remember what was discussed but we’re soon in each others arms making out. I lead her off the dance floor to a couch and we’re side by side. We’re making out, she starts licking my ear and biting/licking my neck. I find out logistics, she is with a friend and they’re only in my city for the weekend. She didn’t want to abandon her friend in a different city when I suggested going home. I then suggested we go to the bathroom, but pretty clumsily. To which she responded “I’m comfortable here”. And then I brought out this doozy. “I’d be more comfortable over there. Let’s go”. She refused and wanted to stay, then asking if she could climb on top of me. On the couch in the middle of the club. I said no but kept making out. She asked how old I was. When I said 30 she went silent for a bit then asked “I’m 20. Does that bother you?”
I shrugged. “I used to just date people my own age. A couple of years ago I went out with some younger girls and I was being weird and judgy about it when they were open and wanting to connect. I realized that it was a bit silly to limit myself and it opened my mind. She said “That makes sense” and continued making out. Later on her friend appeared and was looking at us. She was chatting with another hot blonde who was looking at me and smiling (and it wasn’t a platonic smile..)​

Eventually the friend wanted to leave. She wanted my Instagram but I deflected with the “I used to have it but used it too much so don’t anymore.” Number closed instead. But since she was there for the weekend only and had plans with her friends the other nights I didn’t text.​
2. I meet a girl who rejected me once, on meeting again she seems highly interested but I fumble it. We first met at a club while she was sitting down. I was leaving and so chatted to her for 5 minutes, suggested a date which she enthusiastically agreed to, then number closed. She didn’t respond to my icebreaker, when I followed up she said she’d recently gotten out of a relationship. I responded:“Ah bummer ☹ Breakups are always tought”“It was a fun convo. If you ever feel up to it, you’ve got my number” and she thanked me for understanding.​
A month later, I go in to another club with a friend and start enthusiastically dancing with a group as soon as we arrive. One of the girls then goes “Oh my god, Beam??”​
I don’t recognize her but after a short while it clicks. It was the girl. This time she was enthusiastic. My non-neediness at her text must have increased attraction. But there was a problem. Her annoying friend. Kept coming up and pulling her away from me. I would just go back in like nothing happened and my girl clearly wanted the interaction to keep going. I tried to isolate to stop it happening but my girl said “I’d love to but this is a girls night, I can’t right now”. I stayed in the interaction. The second time the annoying friend had pulled her away, another one of her friends came to me and said “Keep going! Ignore X (the annoying friend).”​
However, after I shit you not, the FIFTH time her annoying ass friend pulled her away from me (come on, can’t you see she’s enjoying the time with me you annoying bat) I told her “look, I want to get to know you more but it’s hard when we keep getting interrupted. I already have your number. Lets text and actually go out for a drink, just us. How does that sound?”. She seemed genuine when she said “yes, lets!”. On the way out I took her annoying friends hand and spun her around with a smile. I was trying to show I wasn’t bitter.​
However, the next day I texted saying it was great seeing her again and how small the world was, and again she didn’t respond. I sent a ☹ smiley two days later which she then responded saying it was a small world but also that now she’s had time to reflect a bit since we first met, she wanted to let me know that she didn’t see anything happening between us. And that I seemed like a fun person and not to be a stranger if we ran into each other again.​

3. HBMcLovin. Thursday night, I’ve leaving the venue when I see a sexy chick with glasses. I go back and start talking to her in the smokers area. We’re chatting for a good 20 minutes. Revealed that because of her surname she got called McLovin in school (it’s not McLovin but sounds similar) I notice her friend sort of hanging there. They were out for another friends birthday. I wanted to get back so I’d be good the next morning, so number closed. She was responsive over text and we set up a date for Saturday, but she didn’t respond to a question I had. The next week she reengages apologizing and saying she came down with the flu and saying she was keen to meet up. We had a date Friday, bounced to two venues (made out), it was early and she was a night owl so I suggested going back to mine to watch a movie. She said she doesn’t usually go back the first night but would if we watched Harry Potter. She was hungry so we grabbed pizza, went back, started watching the movie. Got into the movie and so failed to make a move, started getting drowsy. She mentioned she was getting a headache from the alcohol and she might not be able to get through the rest of the movie. She left, but before she did we made out heavily. Texted the next day saying I had fun, she responded a couple hours later saying she did too and that she had a migraine all day. I responded to that a couple hours later but she hasn’t responded. This was yesterday.​
I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t you make a move. Well, the moment wasn’t there and there wasn’t a moment where I thought “ah, nows the time I should be kissing her”. I was closing the distance between us on the couch, but she wasn’t really reciprocating, and felt like she was even pulling away. Felt strange. The makeout in the bar wasn’t that good either. And then the drowsiness came.​
Still, it’s on me. I relied on physical proximity and eye contact to express my desire, but didn’t really use second gen verbals or any other methods that aroused genuine desire in her. I was creating no space for her to chase. This is a common pattern of mine actually.​
I don’t know if I’ll see her again. I genuinely don’t care. This is something that’s also come about lately, a sort of abundance mindset where the loss of any one girl doesn’t really phase me too much. Obviously it’s a little disappointing but more as a “damn, I know better and should have been able to navigate that situation to sex” but I don’t lose sleep over it or anything.​

General thoughts on NG

After my lay, rather than motivating me to continue working harder, I actually became less motivated about NG. Maybe I wanted to coast on the achievement for a while, or maybe it’s something else. That night we got done at 6am and I felt like shit the next day. Gold, who regularly sleeps with new chicks, is usually going till 6am and then sleeps most of the next day. I asked myself, is it actually worth it? I like sex but I like having my weekends too. And more importantly, as I’ve been getting older I’ve started valuing sleep a hell of a lot more now too. Just last night when I was out with Gold, there were girls that I could have talked to but I just CBF and wanted to sleep. This is either a cope (if the girls were all over me I’d probably forget about being tired pretty damn quick) or it’s just me shifting priorities. It does worry me though. I don’t really want to be valuing sleep over women, at least not now when I’m still kind of young. I want to have the energy and vitality to keep going all night. Because it’s only through massive action that later I can become more efficient and then get the best of both worlds (sleep and also the ability to go out and pick up women from nightclubs if I so choose. But right now while still getting experience I need the action, but I can feel the steam leaving the engine).

Something else I realized after the lay (which I got when rolling solo), was just how much hanging out with Gold and the others sapped away at my self confidence around chicks. The guys in the chat had suggested rolling solo again because seeing Gold and the others winning would always make me think I was losing, and it’s true. When I’m doing my own thing, in my own environment, I’m so much more self-confident. When I’m with Gold and Stache, I turn into a hollow shell of myself (because I’m inevitably comparing myself to them). Seeing them win so much while I don’t does wear away at you over time. Doesn’t help that Stache keeps now giving me basic advice as if I’m a total noob, because he’s noticed I don’t pull as much.

Also, when I hang out with them I’m in their turf. Well, Golds turf. He likes hanging out in proper dance clubs. I love the music, but the competition is stiff. All the guys have great fashion (a lot of black guys who look like Pop Smoke (RIP) and are aggressive with the women. And I still get brutally rejected a lot. I’m good looking, but I would say more in a classical sense. Whereas most of the people in these clubs look like your typical influencers. Flashy, showy. Like Gold. I’m not like that so probably other myself on some level. Should point out that like I mentioned above, if I’m consistently lifting and have that size and fullness to me, the difference in I’m treated in these environments is dramatically different (though still not on the same level as Gold)

The thing is, my look as is tends to attract classically beautiful girls who aren’t part of these environments. And I’m more attracted to those girls as opposed to the hot flashy club types. So I’m weary of tailoring myself to the club girls and alienating the classical girls who like me as I am now. The club girls are really hot but I’ve gotta ask myself, how much am I willing to sacrifice for them?

Oh. something else funny that happened. I ran into the guy who put me in a headlock on NYE. So I'm at a club with gold, we lock eyes and smile. Start chatting. I say "It's good we're cool now man".

He goes "What" and then I explain what happened.

"Oh shit, that was you?"
"Sorry man, I was super drunk that night and you weren't the first guy trying to take a girl away from me. In fact just now a guy tried taking my girl"

I then said it was all good, that it was kind of cunty of me to go in to get her and then explained my side (how I'd been talking to her before). We both laughed about it, chatted for a while. He was actually a pretty cool dude, had lived all over the world, and told me about the girls in my city and how he found it way harder here than anywhere else.

Glad there was no bad blood and we were able to talk like men.


Daygame:

Notable interactions (I’ve approached way more but these are the ones that stick out)

1. Gym Bunny. Eyed a blonde hottie on the leg splitting machine, couldn’t keep my eyes off her (genetically she was just my type, looking like a very white version of me). I was late to a call so went to my car, but then imagined her doing those leg splits and then imaged her doing that to me. My horniness overcame my rational mind and I went back in and to the area she was working out. We made eye contact, then I got a foam roller and started rolling near her. After 5 minutes, I got up and confidently walked to her, telling her how I noticed her and had to come say something. She couldn’t contain her smile. She was definitely pleased with herself. We chatted, there was close proximity. She was from Ireland.​
After 5-10 minutes of talking I went for a number close. She said she didn’t know her number since she was visiting from Ireland and suggested Instagram. I accepted in this case, and followed her (I know, I’ve gotta stop doing this and get them to follow me). She didn’t follow me back. I browsed her insta and she had 1500 followers, way more than me. Not only that, but her insta was full of photos of her at parties, made up in the typical insta flashy way. Hot but objectively, my insta was a lot lamer than hers. She didn’t respond to my opener. I’ve since made a promise to at least post once a month.​
I have realized that I have an interesting life, but I don’t post it. I’m terrible at marketing myself. So many photos from the last couple of years that could have made a stellar profile that I haven’t posted up. I’m now posting up all photos (a lot you can’t tell are old) to flesh out my profile a bit. I also don’t have many followers (around 230) which isn’t ideal either.​

2. Sexy brunette sitting down at the tram stop. Saw her get on the tram and couldn’t stop staring, got off, followed her to where she was sitting on another tram stop. Passed, pretended to suddenly notice her as I walked past. Strong start, guessed she was an accountant. Good lord she was sexy. Was standing up for too long though. Soon into the interaction when it was going well (like 10, 15 seconds in) should have said “Mind if I sit down?”. She started glancing around and looked a bit uncomfortable, so I bailed. She gave a little exasperated laugh when I did this. Maybe she was laughing at the fact I retreated in fear, lol. The fear of keeping her “trapped”, since I was also getting on the tram and she would then have nowhere to go. Even though my intentions were pure, I still felt weird and uncomfortable about it, which would have made her uncomfortable.​
Next time I should ask “May I sit down” SOON into the interaction, to avoid awkward standing up and talking while she’s sitting down, which has never worked.​

3. Her First Date Ever: Met a girl on a walking track near mine. Short interaction, number closed. I was feeling down at that point as a result of some recent rejections, so didn’t actually text her. She reached out a couple days after that to my surprise. We organized a date. Went on it, found out this was the first proper date she’d ever been on (ever!) at the age of 25. I was an idiot though. She was definitely awkward (especially when I hugged her on the number close and at the start of the date) and so felt she might not be comfortable with close contact throughout the date. Still, these tables were massive and we were far apart. The date ended with a hug and we parted ways. She later texted saying she only felt platonic chemistry between us. Lesson learned – I thought since she was inexperienced she would want to move slower. But a girl is a girl is a girl. She needs to feel turned on. You can’t skip out on being attractive just because you thought she didn’t know better. That’s retarded. As a result, I lost her.​

4. HBMaccas: Detailed this in my LR but met this girl at McDonalds while I was out with friends. We set a date for Wednesday. When she asked if I had Instagram I used the standard deflector (I used to but spent too much time on it). She couldn’t make the original Wednesday date since she was feeling under the weather, but got back in touch Saturday asking how I was. We rescheduled for Friday, and had the date. The date almost didn’t happen – the morning off she texts me saying “she didn’t see it going anywhere and there was no point coming out tonight”. When I pressed, she said that she found my Instagram which I said I didn’t have and that I had posted a week ago when I said I didn’t use it anymore (my account is public). And felt that I was only after something casual as a result.​
Actually, after the situation with gym girl I had posted a picture for the first time in months, and this was a couple days after our conversation. So I called her, explained the situation (that I’d posted for the first time in months after I said that) and that I was not just after something casual, but open to more if the vibe was right. She then agreed to come out. Date arrives, and holy hell. This girl was more attractive than I remember and quite intimidating too. Had drinks, bounced to two venues, my usual couches which I use for proximity were annoyingly all being used, so we didn’t have much proximity. I thought I felt the vibe dying and started feeling disappointed, confirmed when she said she “had to leave”. On the way out, she came walking with me a short bit, then we said goodbye, I went to kiss her on the cheek, but we ended up making out and she was in my arms smiling. Damn. I then invited her to watch a show at mine instead (a bit clumsy) but she said “not tonight”.​
We’ve been texting since. She got COVID and we weren’t able to meet up as a result last week like we were supposed to, but hopefully this week.​


General thoughts on DG


It’s my favourite way to meet women by far, but it’s inefficient. I think a good in between is doing early night streetgame. It has all the benefits of nightgame (an abundance of sexy girls everywhere) with the benefits of daygame (you can actually have a conversation with them and it’s early so you can get sleep too)

General Random Thoughts:

I feel myself becoming more confident as a man, similar to the way I felt last year soon after the relationship. And I’m naturally just giving less and less fucks about any one girl in particular. It’s directly tied to how much abundance I have with beautiful women. Even if I’m not actively dating anyone, I still feel a calm sense of confidence from the experiences I have had to date with the fairer sex.

That being said, I’ve noticed that this confidence is more in my day to day life (less ruminating or worry that I’m going to die alone) however when I’m in social situations, I still get tripped up by many situations and my frame still seems weaker than many others around me. So of course I still need to be out there, putting my ass on the line, making myself uncomfortable, and being willing to escalate.

I still realize that a big lagging part of my confidence is still in the fact that I have not yet achieved bedroom mastery, and that the low frequency at which I have sex means that if I remain on my current trajectory I never will. I’ve made many girls orgasm, and I’ve had plenty of reference materials showing me what good sex is (and had plenty of good sex myself). But still, there’s this nagging feeling that I don’t truly know what I’m doing. And it’s true to an extent. Despite the time I’ve been in the game, most of my best moments have been due to physical escalation and basic game. I feel I don’t truly understand the psychology of women, and I don’t have the confidence that I can give her a psychological experience so powerful she is begging to have sex, and that I can make her orgasm again and again. Having this knowingness in my ability, man I can only imagine what it would do for my self-confidence.

It's one thing to read about, but something else I’ve realized is how long a lot of these things take to internalize. You could read an article about a certain aspect of female psychology on the site. You logically accept it is true. You know it’s true because you trust the sources. But part of your animal brain still has trouble believing it until you experience it yourself.

I have only very recently begun to truly internalize the fact that all girls want to get fucked hard. I knew this logically before, but it is only recently that I can look at a beautiful girl and smile knowing that what she is presenting to the world is a front, and that she really wants to be bent over and owned by a dominant sexy man who knows what he’s doing. That she wants to be led and submissive. All obvious things that I’ve known for a long time. But again, the more experiences you have the more your subconscious starts to believe it to. And when your subconscious believes it, that probably starts to manifest out into the world in a way that women can pick up on.

Of course this also leads to more frustration, since I’m am more aware of the things I believe logically but not emotionally yet. Such as the fact strong women turn into girly girls around the right man. On dates I go on where a girl is stoic, where we are almost on an equal level, the back of my mind is wondering “if I was a highly experienced man with all this knowledge and experience of women, I wonder how this interaction would be going right now. She might be all up in my arms right now begging to go home. We might already be home now and she’s cuddled up in my embrace smiling and content” And then I get a bit frustrated at myself that I’m not there yet.

The only way to get there, to become a sexual authority, is to live more, experience more until you are so much more experienced that she is just in awe of you. Never get complacent. That is something I’ve also been coming to understand too. Consistency is king. Again, I knew this logically, but when you see the effort paying off (getting better at nightgame, getting better at handstands and piano) which are the results of long focused consistent effort, and when you also see the effects of not being consistent (less skill, less muscle, worse interactions with women). You really come to understand that not only do you need to be consistent. You need to be consistent for the rest of your life. I dream about being able to coast into the future after working hard now, but in reality, coasting will always eventually lead to decline. I’m slowly coming to the deep realization that as a man, it’s never going to be over. You will need to work every day of your life, until you die, or you will surely lose everything you worked for. This is what your life is. Be prepared to accept it. And once you accept this hard truth, it becomes a lot easier to bear.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Short update - I need to take the time to journal more frequently since it helped me tons in the past and I've been lax, even though a lot has been happening.

HBMaccas - I lost her about two weeks after my journal entry. Going to make a full FU but to summarize, I did a lot right but got impatient at how slow things were moving, I started losing interest, got careless with the texting and sent her into autorejection (I'm fairly sure. I'll make a full post to see if the forum agrees). Towards the end, pretty much all I wanted from her was sex and she probably sensed that. She was looking for a bf to have kids with, and I don't think my lover value was high enough. So in the end, I didn't have the lover value, and didn't have the provider value, which meant nothing happened.

Other -
I've had a lot of interactions with women over the last month but am running into common problems when it comes to going further than making out. This has been a problem the entire year - I've made out with more girls this year than I even remember (and these are not just drunk interactions, these are proper interactions from dates, girls I've isolated from nightgame, social circle etc.

I'm trying to figure out why. I think there must be a sense of desperation coming out that they're picking up on when I'm making out with them. I think I'm just getting too into the makeouts which is tanking my value in their eyes. I used to be cool with them and always end them first, then suggesting we continue elsewhere, but now I get into them and forget to pull back and make her want more (not all the time, with HBMaccas I pulled back when she wanted more on earlier dates, no surprise she wanted to keep seeing me)

I'll also mention that with a lot of these girls, I'm not getting the classic "it's on" moments as much which could be playing a part in neutering how I'm acting around them, killing attraction. I think that could partly be because, on average, the girls I'm dating are more attractive than the ones I would date years ago. None have been as hot as the hottest ones I slept with years ago, but across the board it has increased. I don't date girls I'm not excited about anymore, which is a blessing and a curse. And as part of this I've been dealing more with yellows as opposed to greens where the girls are not as immediately sold on me.

On the blessing and curse, it's a blessing because the girls I date, I'm more excited about. I get more respect (friends have really started to notice and comment on the attractiveness of the girls I date which feels good). But it's a curse because it means I've been going long periods without sex still which then affects my game with the attractive ones (i'm almost positive I would have laid more of the girls from this year if I was fucking more regularly). Remember reading something on the site about how if you pit a man who has slept with 20 stunners against a man who has slept with 20 stunners and 80 meh girls for the affections of a new girl, the guy who has also slept with the 80 meh girls will win out almost every time due to the sheer number of reps he has done.

I just really struggle to find the motivation to do this. I'd rather do other shit than spend time on chicks I'm not excited about. But I know that doing that will be good for me in the long run for the chicks I want. It's hard but I gotta find the motivation and enjoyment in the process again, not the result. I did have this a while back, but I've lost a lot of that passion.

Something else, I've noticed the rejections making me feel less powerful again, more hesitant. Less willing to take risks, less savage with the girls. Like a neutered version of myself. I just need to get the wheels turning again, I need some wins. Honest to god the last year has felt like an engine stalling, then running and flying, then stalling again and again. I gotta knuckle down and focus on the fundamentals to get some real consistency going
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Other things of note that have happened in the last month.

I've befriended some interesting people with different styles of game. I've met more but for now will just detail these two:

Peru -
I randomly ran into a friend (in game) while out shopping and he was heading to meet up with a friend of his. The friend he was meeting up with is a promoter at a club I sometimes go to. I wasn't doing anything so decided to go and meet him. The dude is around 5'8, 25, originally from Peru (though he came here when he was 8) so I'm going to refer to him as Peru. Long story short, we've started hanging out a lot more but his style is very different - status focused and involves spending a lot of money (not my style). He also meets girls on sugar daddy websites (but doesn't always pay, he slept with a girl last week from the site he didn't pay for). His goal is to make it to the top of the nightlife scene by building up social circles with hot girls and befriending the owners of my cities top clubs. And he is driven. He goes out most nights in the week, and does quite well in keeping in touch with attractive girls, getting them to come to his booths etc. He also does a bit of daygame but his goal is to find a girl to settle down with and he wants to find that through the nightlife scene since that is his type. I've told him about the downsides of trying to find your future wife in a club but he won't listen. I've gone out with and continue to go out with him since this is a different side which is interesting to me, but of I know better than to be swept up in the status games. Not for me. And I've told him this. He very much wants me to be more like him, spending money on booths and building up social circles that way, but I'm not going down that path.


Tight - Peru told me about this guy before I met him and I was intrigued. He told me Tight was an Indian dude (Aussie though), 27, jacked with a mullet, who regularly pulled 18-20 yo girls from a uni club I used to go when I was 19. I ended up meeting him at a birthday of another friend I met through Peru. The dude was handsome as fuck, wearing a tight tshirt (hence calling him Tight. Also he has tight game), long pants, and shiny silver earrings. He intrigued me even more when I found out he also owns his on 8 figure company, which he grew from just himself 4 years ago to now having 50 employees with no external investment, simply by reinvesting the profits into the company.

We've ended up going to the uni night twice since then and the dude is the real deal. Apparently he pulled from this uni night three weeks in a row. This fourth week when I was there, he managed to isolate this sexy young looking chick who was ready to go home with him when her friends pulled her away (and she was even fighting her friends to stay with him but they won out). I later saw a girl holding his hand leading him to the bathroom (still haven't gotten a straight answer out of him whether he fucked her or not). I dropped him home (not far from mine) and he was showing me photos of sexy chicks he'd SDLd (and also photos from inside the bedroom, lol)

The next week (yesterday actually) he didn't have much luck until closing time. Outside the venue (I didn't see it, I had gone further up the road) he started talking to this chick and within 10 minutes she was ready to go home with him and told him she just needed to let her friend know. The friend however had called an Uber and in the chaos he lost her which he was pissed about.

The consistency of getting girls ready to come home is just nuts. His style is very similar to Golds. Lone wolf, go around and you find a willing girl. And it works.

The dude is very very good. I'm going to continue going out with him. Still, my fundamentals, despite working hard at them, simply do not match up to his and I just don't get the same responses from girls he does which is upsetting.

On that note:

Ugly guys with hot girlfriends

Of course we've all seen it before, but I swear in the last month I've seen 6 instances when an ugly dude has been walking around holding hands with a beauty or I've seen ugly dudes hooking up with beautiful chicks in clubs. Not just average but ugly. This includes a shortish ugly indian dude with hunched shoulders, poorly dressed with needy body language stroking this good looking fashionable brunettes back as they were walking around a trade show. So anyone who still uses race as an excuse can get out.

I've actually been very envious of them. But hey, good for them... It does make me very frustrated though. More at myself for struggling to capitalize on the opportunities I've had over the years. It really is quite confronting when you see it. Your ego just dies completely and you're forced to admit that you've been quite ineffective and that you could be doing so much better.

Along similar lines, I'd detailed this in my journal but at the end of 2021 but I met this tall busty stunning blonde chick. I tried to get her out but nothing happened and she eventually told me she wasn't looking for anything (which of course was bs). Anyway, I still had her number saved in my phone and tiktok randomly gave me a notification that "Busty blonde, from your contacts, is on tiktok". I ended up stalking her for a bit (lol) and found out that she used to date this short average looking asian dude in uni. And from the photos she seemed quite smitten while he just had this IDGAF look. When I imagined the sort of dudes she dated I was not expecting that at all.

I always knew that looks were not as important not just from reading this site (and of course had seen ugly dudes with hot gfs before) but the fact I've been so surprised over the last month at what I've seen obviously shows that while I knew it on an intellectual level, part of me still resisted believing it and has been downplaying the true power of game. It could also partly be to do with the fact that I've been getting a bit more obsessed with my appearance lately after seeing how girls responded to Gold, so maybe that had blackpilled me a bit. In any case, it's a wake up call (again).

Bonus: I've become a Club Promoter

Also randomly, I have become a promoter at two clubs which previously I had barely gone to. Lol. So what happened was Peru and I went to the opening for a new club night. But it was dead. So Peru suggested going to the club he promoted at and managed to convince four girls (a couple of which were pretty damn hot) to come with us. I had driven so packed the girls in the back of my car (I gave one a piggy back on the way there lol), with Peru in the front. I dropped Peru and four girls off while I went to find parking and joined them later. Peru later told me that the owner of the club saw him walking in with the girls and was so impressed that he asked if Peru had any friends who wanted to be promoters as well (since he assumed if Peru was able to bring in girls his friends would as well). Not only for this club but another one he managed. Peru asked me and another mate if I wanted in and I said sure. Mainly for the benefits. Free entry to these clubs which usually cost $30 and a few free drinks every time you go. Only thing is you have to post to your story every week (meaning I have to make two posts, one for each club) which is annoying since most of my followers on insta don't go clubbing. I never post stories anyway so to prevent spamming people I just blocked my stories from pretty much everyone. The venues still see my posts since I tag them in it (and they check every week, if you get slack they boot you out). It's a small price to pay every week if I go to these places semi regularly.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Quick Updates. FRs from the weekend (didn't go out Friday since had to work Saturday morning)


Saturday night:


I've started dressing in a new style. White sneakers, black pants, tight black jumper (since it's winter) and a (fake) pearl necklace. This new style works for me. Noticed an increase in attention and lots of compliments on the necklace (mainly from dudes). Lots of interactions, girls were willing to talk. Pretty much only one harsh blowout after a lot of approaches. The others the girls welcomed me. Some of note:

Beautiful brunette at bar standing next to me waiting for a drink.
Complimented her on her necklace, got into a fairly long interaction from here. My body language and tonality was on point. Her friends were glancing over periodically. I wish I remembered the details but in this interaction I was just calm. And felt attractive, powerful and non-needy. At some point she had to leave but said "I'll be back". I saw her talking to another dude but honestly didn't give a shit. I got my drink, went upstairs with my mates. We decided to leave this venue pretty soon. On the way out I saw her and decided to get details. I tapped her on the back since she was closely talking with her friends. Felt a vibe shift, not as good as before. Got her insta, she later followed me back.


Sexy brunette on her phone on dancefloor
I go in with my standard for this: “He’ll text back, don’t worry”. She says she can’t hear me. But she’s lighting up when interacting with me. Her friends are looking over but don’t say anything. I noticed this tonight, the friends would glance but wouldn’t pull the girl away like usual. Probably because of my upgraded style and better vibe. I really should have just taken her hand to dance but in the moment I sort of froze up and the interaction died.



Sexy blonde on dancefloor
Sexy doesn’t quite cut it. This girl was an absolute smokeshow. The most beautiful girl I’d seen in a long time. Like goddamn. I look back and we make eye contact. She’s with another girl and two dudes. She’s almost backed up to the tall big one so I don’t know if they’re together. I know that since we’ve made eye contact I only have a limited about of time to act since with a girl like this, she won’t cut any slack for hesitation (though I should assume this for all girls). I turn around, boldly walk past her and then right in front of her smiling. I take her and spin her. She’s beaming. I point in the direction of the centre of the dancefloor and motion to it. She shakes her head, pointing back at the big dude behind her. So these girls are with these dudes. I leave. But think I might have given up too easily. I think I give up too easily in general when other dudes are around. That’s something I’ve noticed. I’m not competitive. I underestimate myself and overestimate others. This is something I’m going to detail in the key takeaways section. Because I need to become more competitive otherwise I’m never going to get what I want and always watch as other dudes snap up the girls I want. Had more of this competitive spirit early in the year (and got into a fight for it)



Cute brunette
Gold was talking to a chick and I started talking to her friend. We were actually vibing well but Golds girl stopped talking to him and left, dragging my girl with her. Props to me for having a good interaction.



Others
At a different venue, there were two instances where I engaged a hottie and she would listen to what I had to say, and then it would stop. And then I would engage her again and she would lean in to listen. Multiple times. I was just saying boring crap complimenting them on their style and it didn’t really hook. For one of them I tried to be a bit bolder and used one of Tony Ds lines to see what would happen. This was after I’d complimented her and had basic conversation – “You know, I want to take you out of here right now and shag you but I’m on probation”. Didn’t deliver it the way Tony did so would have fallen flat anyway, but anyway she only heard “I want to take you out” and thought I was asking her on a date and gave a lame excuse “I’m busy this week”. Obviously not what I intended. I do want to experiment with being more blatantly sexual like this to see what happens and test the waters since this could break past a sticking point I have where the girls are hooked but the interactions aren’t getting sexual.



Tuesday night:



Went out with Tight to the uni night. I was kind of a dud this night, not opening many, missing signals from Tight when he was in a two set wanting me to come in. I hadn’t had much sleep and almost didn’t come out but that was an excuse. Truth is I felt I looked like shit from the lack of sleep so it was all in my head and I wasn’t approaching much at all, and when I did the energy was just off. Not all the time, I had some good opens and when the girls responded I brought the energy. Things got VERY interesting though



Two notable interactions:



Three set – Tight gets cockblocked by a butch lesbian
At the bar, opened a three set who were all wearing what I thought was black so used my standard “Did you guys coordinate the outfits”. Tight also engaged them as well. Two super hot brunettes and one short cute (but definitely in a league below the other two) blonde. Tight was on a mission and when we got our drinks went with them outside motioning me to follow. We engaged with them, then all moved to a warmer area. Tight was talking to one of the super hot brunettes, I was engaging with the other two. I was cool, calm but also energetic. I could feel the vibe on my end dying a bit when two dudes they knew came and started chatting energetically to them. Their focus went completely to them. I played on my phone for a bit then got up and walked around, Tight still talking to his girl.

After a while Tight texts me to come back. He’s sitting on his own looking confused, the other super hot brunette is opposite him. I take a seat next to super hot brunette and start chatting with her. I find out from her that the other super hot brunette was trying to get with a butch lesbian chick that she had previously slept with but who was now ignoring her and that’s why she had left Tight. She then starts telling me about a dude that she was in love with “We made eye contact a few months ago, then last week chatted and I gave him my number, but he didn’t text! What do I do now? Should I go up to him?” Yeah she was asking me for advice on picking up another dude. Fuck. But it was weird, it didn’t feel super genuine. Maybe half and half. Half genuine, half shittest to see how I’d react. I really wasn’t sure how to respond to this. I just told her “you gotta man up”. I didn’t want to give her actual advice cause I’m not a cuck. But I obviously wasn’t doing a good job of turning this girl on. No shit, I wasn’t flirting with her, I wasn’t making it clear that I wanted to fuck her. It’s like she thought I was this harmless dude who wanted to help her. Fuck.

When I was being uncooperative she left to talk to the blonde friend. Then Tight went in for her since his chick was still trying to get with the lesbian. Tight was with her for a while but he said the same thing – she just seemed to want that other dude. I then saw the butch lesbian with the chick Tight was talking to arm in arm.

We ended up seeing them at another bar after this one closed. Tight still went in for the second hot brunette (the one not with the lesbian) but again she just gave us the whole “how do I get that other guy” bs. We left it here.

Tight later told me that while I was gone, the girl he was talking to said she was pretty much ready to go home with him when the butch lesbian came in and started tooling him. Since lesbian had already slept with the chick (and since she was a lesbian) she outmatched him even though her tooling attempts were retarded (like, she tried to make Tight look dumb by asking him if he even knew who Putin was). Seriously, that was her tooling strategy.



Two set standoff with two other dudes
After the first place closed I was ready to head home. I start heading to my car when I get a text from Tight who had disappeared 10 minutes before closing to try to snag a last minute girl. He told me he had a possible two set and to come. I go back, he’s with a tall brunette chick. She had come out to get her friend (a short brunette) laid. I introduce myself to the brunette with a smile, and then she tells us that she needs to find her friend but wants to meet us at the next bar. Tight agrees and I go along with it. He then explains to me that she is keen and her friend is out to get laid, so chances are looking good. We go to the next bar which is dead and after 40 minutes get a text from the girl saying they couldn’t get in since the place was closing in 20 minutes. We leave the venue and start walking when they see us and come across the road. We’re chatting. Tight suggests an afterparty at his (the delivery was kind of stilted). But then the girls point out two other dudes, and tell us that they were going to go with them to an afterparty since they knew them from school. They seemed conflicted. And then said they need to talk. They walk away, chatting in between us and the other two dudes.

Tight mouths “do something”. I’m like “I don’t know!” Tight has way more xp than me, I’m surprised he didn’t know what to do. After more urging from Tight telling me to interrupt their convo, I walk straight past the girls and say in a commanding tone.

“Alright girls, we’re going. Afterparty”

The tall one goes “Ok!” and starts to walk but then hesitates. “Wait, we still need to talk it out”.

Anyway, while the girls were off we started chatting to the guys. Honestly, we still couldn’t tell if they were aiming to fuck them or not. Apparently they knew each other in school so it might have been a genuine afterparty. And they didn’t seem like the type who were out hunting for puss. Just didn’t give off that vibe. After a while, the girls came back and said they were going with the two guys, but the tall brunette said “I still want this to happen” motioning at Tight and the small brunette who had come out to get laid. Short brunette went off with tight, they chatted and exchanged numbers, then the two girls went with the other guys.

Tight was just dumbfounded at the whole situation. “First I get cockblocked by a lesbian, then this? You can’t make this shit up”

Afterwards on the drive home we analyzed the situation to see where we went wrong and both thought it was when the two initially were talking and I went past them to talk. We agreed that me going was a good move, but we should have been even more decisive. Tight suggested that we should have both just gone to them, taken their hands and led them away while saying the same thing I had. That decisive leadership was missing, and left them space to hesitate.


Too late now but I’m going to be writing a general post next with key takeaways from these nights, my current mindset and more.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Notable interactions from last night

1.
Made out with really sexy short brunette chick last night on dfloor who I had initially approached at the bar:

Saw her up on her phone right next to the water, obscured from the bartender by a whole bunch of shit. Went up to fill and asked her what she was waiting here for. She said she was waiting for a drink. I teased her about being in the worst spot possible and telling her she needed to be over there (pointing to the area everyone else was). Tonality strong, like a big brother teasing his little sister. She went over there, I went back to my mate Enzo (haven't mentioned him in my journal but holy hell this guy is good. I'm meeting a lot of these dudes now who are absolutely crushing it. I will make a post about him). I noticed she kept looking at me from the bar while waiting for her drink. Made note to engage later.

Later she's moving towards the dfloor right in front of me. I engage her:
"You finally managed to get that drink"
"Yeah"
"Man, you would have still been waiting there if I hadn't told you to move haha"

She's sticking around right in front of me.She honestly seemed a bit spacy, I think she might have been a bit too drunk. I'm right up in her space, chest to hers, our faces almost touching. I was having a really tough time hearing her but I caught:

"Are you gay?"
"Lol, why do you think that?"
"Everyone from *my city* seems to be gay" (She was visiting from another city and with a group of 5 friends).
"If I was gay would I be this close to you right now?"
Heavy eye contact, start making out. Then stop, still in each others arms.

At this point I should have said "we're getting a drink" and led her to the bar. For some stupid reason we stayed there for a few minutes trying to hear each other talk over the music (she was asking me what I did for work yada yada). Would have been so easy to say "Hey I can't hear you, lets go somewhere quieter". But I didn't like a retard. A few minutes in it's getting too hard to talk and she heads back to her friends. Fml.

2. Chick waiting outside street. Long interaction but failed to sexualise and break out of the platonic. Physical distance was too far, felt stifled.
3. Chick inside same bar where I met chick number 1. Beautiful brunette. Smiling and happy to talk, asking me questions (including asking where my friend is) Her fat friend comes in looking at her with a pissed off look. I immediately engage and introduce myself to fat friend to keep things amicable with her. She leaves. Another friend comes in and starts dancing with her. I meet Enzo and bring him in "Hey I found my friend!" and use that as an excuse to chat more. Again, it's just too stifled. Too much distance, too formal. Not sexual, not bringing a sense of adventure. Did make her laugh once or twice. I reengaged her three times to talk. Didn't get to the point where it felt on to invite her for a drink or somewhere quieter like chick number 1. Enzo and I decided to hit up another place. I exchanged instas and left.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Haven't written takeaways but short thoughts:

I'm currently lacking the entitlement mindset that allows me to persist with these girls at night. I still at the first signs that she gives an objection take it as her not being interested and leaving to play the numbers game once more. Instead of finding out what the real objections are and handling them.

She can probably sense that lack of entitlement I have and read it as me not being that experienced with girls like her, cooling her interest. While I am getting initial interest, somewhere along the line I am, by my behavior, communicating sexual inexperience and lack of abundance.

Guys with a lot of experience recognize her signals and respond, being persistent and handling her objections like a champ because he knows what's good for her better than she does. Guys who give up at the first objection or get thrown communicate to her that he's probably not that successful and cools her interest. She was interested but she wasn't making it easy and he didn't recognize that. Must not be experienced. Also my desire to makeout communicates thirst. Getting laid on the reg, I wouldn't be doing that. I get enough of it, I'd pull back and tease her more while she gets hornier and hornier. Again, communicates lack of sexual abundance.

At all times my behaviour and body language needs to convey that a) I am sexually experienced and b) I have an abundance of sex already, I don't need her. Impress me and it might be your turn for the gift of my cock. Attractive behaviours (decisively leading her around the venue, not wasting any time, and then home) will naturally come about as a result of this mindset. Easier said than done of course, I'm hornier than a motherfucker right now so it's hard to contain myself from feeling her up in the venue.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
A mindset I gotta adopt (may not be true but helpful):

Hot girls want to fuck me but they are absolutely awful at making that happen and everything they do just makes it harder for that to happen, disadvantaging themselves and disadvantaging me. But II know the best way to make it happen. I know what's best for them better than they do. So every move I make to decisively move things forward is a good thing, and she may not realize it at the time but she'll thank me later. Because again, I know what's best for them better than they do. So her bs objections about needing to go to her friends, or other bs, is just her being really bad at getting what she wants, so here I am to show her the right way through the chaos that is her life.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
773
Yesterday went to a night market round 8:30pm to meet up with an old coach. My vibe was off - and the coach commented that I was approaching chicks a bit too stiffly. That I needed to act like I knew them already. Of course I've done this naturally during my best approaches but most of the time I'm probably not. Usually when it's a type of girl I haven't had much success with. He commented that it's something you can switch on and off given enough exposure.

I parted ways around 10:30 to meet up with Peru at the club I promote at. I met him there with a group of chicks, one 22yo French one who I'd gone on a date with a month back. I had met her on a night out with Peru - he had invited her out and tried to get with her but she had rejected him - he expressed envy that she was interested in me and agreed to the date. Pretty hot, middle eastern background (though looked pretty white). On the date failed to physically escalate with her properly and things had fizzled. I knew where it went wrong - right from the start I sat 90 degrees from her instead of right next to her which she would have been comfortable with since I had been sitting next to and getting right in her personal space the night we met. It was enough that there was too much physical distance making touch awkward.

I teased her about showing her some Bachata moves and at the end I did, getting my face right up close to hers, but did not sense any attraction from her end, just coyish laughs. The attracted had died. The date ended, I dismissed it and nexted. A couple days later I went to dinner with Peru and she was there. She had messaged me prior asking if I was going. During dinner I was sitting next to her, we walked around, later went to a club, where she proceeded to sexually dance with other dudes right in front of me. At one point I was talking to her and one of the dudes came in looking threatened and going between us. She loudly said "no it's ok I don't want him" to the dude. The disrespect was bs, I cooled off to her completely at this point.

Anyway, last night when she saw me she was friendly telling me her birthday was next week and I was invited. I smiled and was polite but distant. After a short while I left for another club and Peru came with me. She seemed shocked I was leaving so soon. Later on I found out through another friend that was there that she got drunk and started talking shit about Peru and me. On me she was saying the date was awkward and she saw me as a friend and then it was weird that she went to dinner days later and I was there. She was clearly feeling some strong emotions. I felt (and still feel) absolutely nothing towards her.

Little did I know Peru had drank shittons as well by that point. He'd had like 14 shots and started ranting in the street about how girls are all two faced, how he shouldn't have broken up with his ex. He must have been going through a string of rejections to be in this headspace. Then he starts going up to random girls in the street and telling them "I make 90k, I have a good job. Will you go out with me?". I kid you not, it was the cringiest shit I have ever heard. The girls were looking at him like he was insane.

I start telling him to pull his head in and that he's being embarrassing. He refuses to believe it. "No, fuck game and the techniques. I'm going to go to a girl and be honest. I don't care if 500 reject me, if one accepts it'll be worth it".

"I want to find a wife. I want to find a girl who likes that I make money, that I'm responsible"

I just tell him "bro, even if a girl likes that going up and straight up telling her that is not going to work. You've got to vibe with a chick first" Obviously went to more detail than that but that was my general attitude.

He starts ranting against me. "No bro that doesn't work. That's bs. And you gotta realize that soon bro because you're out of time. You're 30 bro. You've hit the wall" (he's 25)

I just go cold and calmly tell him "Don't ever say that to me again" which shut him up quickly. He'd never seen me angry before.

"Ok, if game works if your approach works go approach those two girls" he tells me, pointing to two girls in shiny dresses.

I do. I go up to them and open with a smile. "There is no way I could walk past and not comment on what you guys are wearing"

They respond postivitely, smiling and telling me they were at a TSwift event, when Peru comes in and starts creeping one out with his BS. They freak out and literally 10 seconds later leave looking scared.

I'm really pissed at this point and tell him he's being embarrassing and that I'm not going to the next club with him. He's apologetic and begging me to stay out but I'm done. Two girls walk past, he approaches them and I take the opportunity to leave. I go to another club. But I'm in a bad mood, get blown out or lukewarm responses and decide to call it.

This morning Peru calls me apologizing, saying he's never going to drink that much again and also that he is getting back with his ex.

So looks like the short stint going out Peru might be coming to a close.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
4,212
Location
South Florida
Yesterday went to a night market round 8:30pm to meet up with an old coach. My vibe was off - and the coach commented that I was approaching chicks a bit too stiffly. That I needed to act like I knew them already. Of course I've done this naturally during my best approaches but most of the time I'm probably not. Usually when it's a type of girl I haven't had much success with. He commented that it's something you can switch on and off given enough exposure.

I parted ways around 10:30 to meet up with Peru at the club I promote at. I met him there with a group of chicks, one 22yo French one who I'd gone on a date with a month back. I had met her on a night out with Peru - he had invited her out and tried to get with her but she had rejected him - he expressed envy that she was interested in me and agreed to the date. Pretty hot, middle eastern background (though looked pretty white). On the date failed to physically escalate with her properly and things had fizzled. I knew where it went wrong - right from the start I sat 90 degrees from her instead of right next to her which she would have been comfortable with since I had been sitting next to and getting right in her personal space the night we met. It was enough that there was too much physical distance making touch awkward.

I teased her about showing her some Bachata moves and at the end I did, getting my face right up close to hers, but did not sense any attraction from her end, just coyish laughs. The attracted had died. The date ended, I dismissed it and nexted. A couple days later I went to dinner with Peru and she was there. She had messaged me prior asking if I was going. During dinner I was sitting next to her, we walked around, later went to a club, where she proceeded to sexually dance with other dudes right in front of me. At one point I was talking to her and one of the dudes came in looking threatened and going between us. She loudly said "no it's ok I don't want him" to the dude. The disrespect was bs, I cooled off to her completely at this point.

Anyway, last night when she saw me she was friendly telling me her birthday was next week and I was invited. I smiled and was polite but distant. After a short while I left for another club and Peru came with me. She seemed shocked I was leaving so soon. Later on I found out through another friend that was there that she got drunk and started talking shit about Peru and me. On me she was saying the date was awkward and she saw me as a friend and then it was weird that she went to dinner days later and I was there. She was clearly feeling some strong emotions. I felt (and still feel) absolutely nothing towards her.

Little did I know Peru had drank shittons as well by that point. He'd had like 14 shots and started ranting in the street about how girls are all two faced, how he shouldn't have broken up with his ex. He must have been going through a string of rejections to be in this headspace. Then he starts going up to random girls in the street and telling them "I make 90k, I have a good job. Will you go out with me?". I kid you not, it was the cringiest shit I have ever heard. The girls were looking at him like he was insane.

I start telling him to pull his head in and that he's being embarrassing. He refuses to believe it. "No, fuck game and the techniques. I'm going to go to a girl and be honest. I don't care if 500 reject me, if one accepts it'll be worth it".

"I want to find a wife. I want to find a girl who likes that I make money, that I'm responsible"

I just tell him "bro, even if a girl likes that going up and straight up telling her that is not going to work. You've got to vibe with a chick first" Obviously went to more detail than that but that was my general attitude.

He starts ranting against me. "No bro that doesn't work. That's bs. And you gotta realize that soon bro because you're out of time. You're 30 bro. You've hit the wall" (he's 25)

I just go cold and calmly tell him "Don't ever say that to me again" which shut him up quickly. He'd never seen me angry before.

"Ok, if game works if your approach works go approach those two girls" he tells me, pointing to two girls in shiny dresses.

I do. I go up to them and open with a smile. "There is no way I could walk past and not comment on what you guys are wearing"

They respond postivitely, smiling and telling me they were at a TSwift event, when Peru comes in and starts creeping one out with his BS. They freak out and literally 10 seconds later leave looking scared.

I'm really pissed at this point and tell him he's being embarrassing and that I'm not going to the next club with him. He's apologetic and begging me to stay out but I'm done. Two girls walk past, he approaches them and I take the opportunity to leave. I go to another club. But I'm in a bad mood, get blown out or lukewarm responses and decide to call it.

This morning Peru calls me apologizing, saying he's never going to drink that much again and also that he is getting back with his ex.

So looks like the short stint going out Peru might be coming to a close.
Yea you are guilty by association, better off gaming solo or with a wing at your level or above. He is also to blue pill prme at 35... try no to talk game in the field.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Yea you are guilty by association, better off gaming solo or with a wing at your level or above. He is also to blue pill prme at 35... try no to talk game in the field.
Yeah I actually wanted to go to the second club solo since I could tell already he was drunk and a bit dancing monkey but he insisted on coming. And agree, he is very blue pilled - I know 30s are prime
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Quick FR: Date with sexy Israeli chick

Daygame. Similar pattern to my previous dates this year. First venue, can tell there is attraction. We vibe, I sit next to her while showing each other things on our phone to establish more physical proximity. Focusing on pulling back with my body language, being more relaxed. Venue closes early, bounce to my favourite cocktail bar nearby where we sit near each other on the couch. Get into sex while talking about drugs and asking her if she's ever fucked on drugs before, then start talking about crazy sexual experiences. I don't go deep enough into this. Earlier in the date she showed me a picture of her in uniform posing with a gun from when she was in the Israeli army. I told her it was hot, probably could have transitioned into sex here by joking about BDSM. In second venue gradually getting more physical proximity. She says she has to be up early for work and seems genuinely apologetic about it (I need to be alert because I work on commission, so if I'm out too late I'll be too tired and won't make money). I'm not bold enough to push further to make things happen now (because it was a legit reason to be up early, not a bs excuse like "I have work at 2pm the next day" and make her throw caution to the wind regarding work.

I had invited her home earlier but she said "not on the first date". Body language throughout - lots of eye contact but keeping her physical distance and it was hard for me to bridge the gap. Towards the end when we were going to leave soon, I was sitting right next to her, used my standard "I'm glad I came to talk to you" to which she responded "me too" and we both had the same idea of leaning in for a makeout. I pull away, tell her she tastes nice and she giggles. I propose cocktails at mine for next time and she agrees, but tells me it depends on her schedule. This girl was very difficult to get out in the first place - I met her three weeks ago. So might be annoying trying to organise for this second one and momentum may die.

Uber comes, she tells me she had a great time and we makeout again - she's beaming and gets in the Uber.

Pretty similar to all my recent dates. Before used to rely on alcohol, lots of teasing and gradually closing the physical distance before making out, pulling back, then suggesting going to mine after having seeded the date earlier. However now, the majority of my dates we don't drink much, the girls need to be up early. We vibe and have a good time, they generally want to see me again but not having those emotional spikes on my dates which cause them to throw caution to the wind, nothing happening to make them become really horny and think "I need to have sex with him right now". The alcohol used to help them get to this point in the past.

Need to really commit to going all in when sexualising, keeping on the topic instead of lightly discussing it. Putting images and ideas into her mind of sex and more importantly, us having sex. More we frames involving sex. Sex prizing. Making her uncontrollably horny.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Enzo

So, a couple months back I was at a small hip hop bar with Gold when I ran into another friend of mine who I'd gone out with a couple of times. He was out with a friend of his and introduced me to him. The friend was short (probably 5'6), Sri Lankan, built and looked to be late 20s/early 30s. He was from New Zealand. NZ. And that's the only reason I'm going to call him Enzo. Gold has gone off at this point and it had come to the end of the night so me, my friend and Enzo left the bar together to grab food.

On the way, I started finding out more about him. So, he was not late 20s/early 30s, but actually 38 turning 39 (which blew my mind). But he also started talking about this hot 22 year old he was sleeping with and showed me a photo on his phone. She was actually hot. Nice.

Had my intrigue. We went to Maccas, got food and no joke, ended up spending 2 hours there just chatting, Enzo doing the bulk of it and us hanging on to his every word. He told us about his business (photography) and various girls he had been with. I found out that he had a 17 year old son, (who he would have had around 21). And the chick he had had it with was a model from NZ (he showed pics, she was a babe). They had lived together raising the child for 6 years before things ended.

The more he talked, the more intrigued I became. We exchanged instas, and he had a profile full of nature and also pics of him with attractive women throughout the years.

At 5am, we called it and went home. A few months later (the day after my last LR) I ran into him again - it was his 39th birthday weekend - and found out he had started sleeping with a 22 year old bartender (again, saw pics and she was hot - a very pretty blonde girl). We hung out together.

Last week we ended up going out again. Where he proceeded to tell me about a crazy housemate (30 years old) who he had fucked on her first day moving into his house. And no joke, later we looped back to the bar and this hot redhead is there, and ends up going up to him - they're having a heated moment and he later tells me that she was the housemate. And some of the things she would do for him - sending him love letters, messaging him when he was 4 hours away on a roadtrip telling him how horny she was and how she wanted to drive over to see him (which he promptly shut down since he was with his friends).

He then told me that last night when he was out he met two Turkish girls and one of them after bouncing around to a couple of bars suggested a threesome (even he was dumbfounded that she suggested it). It didn't happen since the other girl went off with a guy who started acting weird. Oh, did I mention that the hot blonde 22yo bartender also was out and saw him with the girls and then disappear, and then started getting crazy obsessive calling and texting him repeatedly to find out where he was (he showed me on his phone)

We go out last night - he's talking to a hot blonde girl (I later found out was also 22), told me soon after than he fucked her two weeks ago, and then his 22yo bartender girl comes and I see her in person. Goddamn. Even better in person. Young, blonde, friendly. They're off together but he breaks away, telling me that he's already been there and wants to fuck another girl. Oh, and 22yo bartender at one point sees him talking to the other hot blonde girl, goes up to them (not knowing he'd fucked her) ,gets her instagram and they take a PHOTO of the three of them (Enzo in the middle, with two girls he fucked who both don't know he fucked the other one). Bartender later was grilling him asking who the other girl was. Enzo confessed to me it was annoying that they had each other on insta because now they were going to talk to eachother. But also that he didn't give a fuck anyway.

This dude is 39, short, Sri Lankan (so pretty much looks Indian) and this is the life he has. Those are three of the biggest things guys get insecure about (age, height, race) in one package. Further solidifying the differences between what men are attracted to and what women are attracted to. Again, I mentioned this previously but you read about this, you logically know it's true, but until you see it with your own eyes it can be hard to believe. Well I fucking 100% believe it now.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
And HBIsraeli has ghosted. Fcuk. This is no joke probably the 7th or 8th time this has happened this near, not getting past the first date (I make out with a lot of these girls on the date too but afterwards they either ghost or the enthusiasm through text dies (before lots of smileys, after none at all) before fizzling. Obviously some exceptions like HBMaccas, but this is a big big problem and I'm about the science the shit out of my dates again. Because this is a regression - by no means did I used to close every girl on the first date but I fucked quite a few and a lot who I didn't at least wanted to see me again. This was pre relationship. It hurts my ego but I am going to admit that I have gotten worse with dates (or perhaps more accurately, lazier)

Time to get scientific about this shit again. Tbh I should have done this ages ago (and I got messages from people recommending I do this months ago) to post my dates in more detail. I guess my ego got in the way. I still had an idea that it was fine, this was a one off with this girl, I'd do better on the next because I knew what to do on first dates given previous success. Then it happened again. And again. And again. To know that there is definitely a pattern going on here.

TBH, I still need to figure out what it is but I have a couple of ideas.

When I was successful, I had a more devil may care attitude going into the dates. I had things planned not just of where we were going but games I wanted to play with her, how to stimulate her etc etc. I took decisive leadership even when it was uncomfortable to do so. I moved fast, sometimes surprising the girls. I was unapologetic about inviting them home.

So what happened? Ego. Part of me remembers my successes and so on dates I've been more laid back, almost expecting that she will just see my value based on how I carry myself and the self assuredness I think I'm projecting. Whereas what I am probably projecting is passiveness.

I still have my skeleton process - Meet at first bar, stay there, then bounce to the second cozier venue. Make sex jokes. Try to make out then cut things short sooner rather than later. But it's been a bit lazy and not working. It's almost like I'm entitled for something to happen. When I kiss, I'm thinking "of course this chick wants to kiss me". It's a good mindset, but I'm taking it too far and failing to actually properly seduce her. It's almost like I'm thinking "I'm sexy, I feel good, she senses that, so of course she wants to me to get closer to her and kiss her".

The real mindfuck is again, this is a good mindset to have (more the "I'm sexy, I feel good, she likes me". The problem is it is making me blind to her signs. Reading her signs, calibrating to her, actually understanding her, actually forming a deep genuine connection with her. I can't say I've formed an actual connection with these chicks. It's more like "good conversation, time to escalate". Skipping steps when I'm not at the point I can skip them. Back to the science. Tease her, flirt with her. Bring the little girl out of her. Give her a fun whirlwind experience and take her out of her boring life.

My mindset right now "I'm sexy I feel good, she likes me" is leading me to "Get closer now and escalate now". But it should be
"I'm sexy, I feel good, she likes me" should lead to turning up the cockiness a bit "So she likes me. Ok. Lets tease and challenge her. Let's see if she can play ball with me first. Let's see if we can have some fun with this" - "She can keep up? Reward with escalation".

I am rewarding them for nothing right now other than they're there on the date with me. I'm not qualifying or challenging them nearly as much as I should be. I'm coming across to attainable. I'm not seeing if they meet my standards.

Thing is, I do have standards for what I want out of girls. A lot of them. I just have been tuning them out because of my desire to have sex with the chick. Been focused on 'I want to have a process where I can sleep with every girl I go on a date with" not realising that part of this process involves having standards and challenging the girl. THIS IS PART OF THE PROCESS.

But again, tricky because she actually has to meet my standards for this to work and I can't fake this and just escalate anyway if she doesn't because she will pick up on the incongruence.

Workaround? If she doesn't meet my standards, keep looking, probing her until you find something you do like, then qualify on that. You can find the good in most people. It's on you to bring that out. It's on you to find that in the person in front of you.

Key - find out as much as you can about her by asking probing questions, playing certain games to really find out what sort of person she is. If there is really nothing of substance there and you can't find a single thing you actually like about the chick besides her looks, then why are you there? But the key is, don't give up easily. Give her a chance to show you who she is. Guide her to opening up to you. You will also form a connection in the process.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
New Structure for Date FRs. Going to go into what I did well and what I didn't do well. Had a date last night with a sexy black haired greek girl (HBPHD). Did a lot well but a lot wrong. Focus on systematically finding my weaknesses and ironing them out. Realised that a lot of the things I did well were things that I used to do on dates. I've just forgotten. I'm realising just how much I've actually forgotten. Will update with the FR when I can.
 
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TomInHo

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 13, 2021
Messages
539
And HBIsraeli has ghosted. Fcuk. This is no joke probably the 7th or 8th time this has happened this near, not getting past the first date (I make out with a lot of these girls on the date too but afterwards they either ghost or the enthusiasm through text dies (before lots of smileys, after none at all) before fizzling.

Man that sucks you're going through a low period with your date game. But at least this is also opportunity for crazy growth when you iron out the kinks

When I was successful, I had a more devil may care attitude going into the dates. I had things planned not just of where we were going but games I wanted to play with her, how to stimulate her etc etc. I took decisive leadership even when it was uncomfortable to do so. I moved fast, sometimes surprising the girls. I was unapologetic about inviting them home.

I think this is it really. Back then you actually cared. The girls can sense that, and it makes you automatically more attainable and attractive

So what happened? Ego. Part of me remembers my successes and so on dates I've been more laid back, almost expecting that she will just see my value based on how I carry myself and the self assuredness I think I'm projecting. Whereas what I am probably projecting is passiveness.

Yeah... you are probably looking disinterested without realizing it. I'm a naturally chill and laidback dude and I also notice if I don't try to show genuine interest women think I'm playing games and become less compliant

I still have my skeleton process - Meet at first bar, stay there, then bounce to the second cozier venue. Make sex jokes. Try to make out then cut things short sooner rather than later. But it's been a bit lazy and not working. It's almost like I'm entitled for something to happen. When I kiss, I'm thinking "of course this chick wants to kiss me". It's a good mindset, but I'm taking it too far and failing to actually properly seduce her. It's almost like I'm thinking "I'm sexy, I feel good, she senses that, so of course she wants to me to get closer to her and kiss her".

Well how about this... "I'm sexy, I feel good, but what about this chick is attractive?"... I have a feeling you're just going through the motions/steps and forgetting you're talking to another human that has dreams, desires, fears, insecurities.


The real mindfuck is again, this is a good mindset to have (more the "I'm sexy, I feel good, she likes me". The problem is it is making me blind to her signs. Reading her signs, calibrating to her, actually understanding her, actually forming a deep genuine connection with her. I can't say I've formed an actual connection with these chicks. It's more like "good conversation, time to escalate". Skipping steps when I'm not at the point I can skip them. Back to the science. Tease her, flirt with her. Bring the little girl out of her. Give her a fun whirlwind experience and take her out of her boring life.

See. I called it

I am rewarding them for nothing right now other than they're there on the date with me. I'm not qualifying or challenging them nearly as much as I should be. I'm coming across to attainable. I'm not seeing if they meet my standards.

Actually I disagree. You're coming off too unattainable

At no point do the girls feel like they're winning you over. Probably comes across like all you want is sex without trying to connect for reals

Thing is, I do have standards for what I want out of girls. A lot of them. I just have been tuning them out because of my desire to have sex with the chick. Been focused on 'I want to have a process where I can sleep with every girl I go on a date with" not realising that part of this process involves having standards and challenging the girl. THIS IS PART OF THE PROCESS.

Yeah, you'll never be able to sleep with every single girl you go on a date with. You might have nice runs and go on long streaks but no-one is 100%. But you definitely can get it very high

I have a suspicion that goal is making you act too robotic. Do a>b>c>d = sex

But really you close more girls when you have a baseline system that gets you 80% there, but the other 20% comes from calibrating to the girl and reading what she needs in the moment to take her over the edge

But again, tricky because she actually has to meet my standards for this to work and I can't fake this and just escalate anyway if she doesn't because she will pick up on the incongruence.

Standards don't need to be a checklist. It could even be a vibe thing

Workaround? If she doesn't meet my standards, keep looking, probing her until you find something you do like, then qualify on that. You can find the good in most people. It's on you to bring that out. It's on you to find that in the person in front of you.

Yeah and mirroring them to a point can help too. Not saying you shouldn't be yourself, but as in focus on qualities they have that bring you guys closer together... as in you know.. build a connection

Like for example each girl you hang out with can bring out a different sides of your personality

Key - find out as much as you can about her by asking probing questions, playing certain games to really find out what sort of person she is. If there is really nothing of substance there and you can't find a single thing you actually like about the chick besides her looks, then why are you there?

Honestly i run into this sometimes. Usually when that happens I full sexual and stop giving a crap about connection stuff. All girls love sex so I will probe them on sex using different angles. Usually things like fantasies, crazing experiences, what is good sex to them, what is bad sex to them, if they have bad views on sex i get curious why

You can have some really deep conversations around sex and funny enough this can actually get them to open up sometimes
 
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