At the bottom, you see, we are not Homo-sapiens at all. Our core is madness. The prime directive is murder. What Darwin was too polite to say, my friends, is that we came to rule the earth not because we were the smartest, or even the meanest, but because we have always been the craziest, most murderous motherfuckers in the jungle. -Stephen King
This is my new journal. The forum from OneDate is dead, so I decided to continue it here.
The quote fulfills its obligatory purpose of a dramatic and powerful impact at the introduction. It's a reminder that at our core, we are the most terrifying predator to have walked the planet. And now we tap into that potential and drive for focused self-improvement... how glorious.
Heh, waxing lyrical is fun!
An interesting and important question is: What is my goal?
It started off, I admit, by devouring GC in my teens and thus feeling obligated to approach girls. Some dive straight into it. It took me a very long time to even begin-in fact, in the two years I have 'officially' started, I did put in quite a lot of work. But to get to where I want to, I still have a hell of a lot more ahead of me!
Nonetheless, I have worked relentlessly on who I am. From my walk, voice, posture, and mentality and mindset, I am encouraged by the fact I am completely different. It took me this long to work over my hidden fears, my lacking motivation, the question behind the reason for it all-and it's starting to show results.
I feel like this is actually a common enough excuse. It's so hard approaching, you think. Why not work on fundamentals instead? But the fact is, without approaching consistently, you're only setting yourself up and are avoiding the real struggle - and thus the real gains! Growth through struggle might as well be tattooed on all our brains.
The reason I write this is because a) I like writing personally inspiring stories, and b) it's a current main focus of mine. The main focus of mine right now is to build consistency in approaching even in a busy engineering student lifestyle.
Coming back to my goal. Hopefully, I am reminded of it every time I revisit this page.
Strive for continuous progress. Conquer myself (discipline) to conquer the world. 200+ lays! The ability/skills to get beautiful, amazing girls into my life and bed (and keep them if I so choose) for amazing experiences. The balls and boldness to go for whatever my heart desires under the sky, and the mindset and resilience to achieve it!
~~~
This introduction is the fruit of following thought:
"Hmm, I'll make a new journal then. The sages on this forum are amazing! Hail St. Bacchus, hail all the rest. Ooh, I'll add a cool quote at the start, and then make a small introduction. How carried away could I get?".
So exams are over and my 4 days of holidays too. Semester began this week, and with it my activity!
Without now having to worry about getting Corona and not being able to write the exams, I can go approach again!
This time, I didn't wait until I got 'settled' in the new semester, because that always took at least 3 weeks and sticks me to a not-approach schedule I'd have to then adapt anyway.
Of course, AA hit me like a truck again. It's not really AA as much as it is inaction. I'm too in my head...
Realizing this in my first outing, I told myself I'd go for baby steps and momentum. Just being out and walking is enough, and then I decided to go for one (1) approach at the minimum for the first week. Isn't much at all, but I really need consistency, and this seems like a good way to build it up.
The motivation of girls being more receptive during Corona lockdown is also a strong.
My outfit: black pants, white/greyish pullover and leather jacket, complemented by purple scarf. Hair tied into a man-bun.
Monday:
3 women walking my way separately, from afar I want to go for the second but up close I'm not attracted. The third girl is beautiful and stylish, so I switch and open her! She gives me a beautiful nervous smile, but keeps walking and points at the tram she was hurrying to catch.
I let her go, but next time I'll try getting her for 2 minutes because the next tram comes soon anyway!
Tuesday: It's already a bit late (and dark... February for you) when I see I have time before my train comes, so I stick to my 1 approach rule.
I miss a few approaches but force myself to stay. So when a fashionable cute girl walks my way, I can't hold myself back.
I have to redo it it English since she doesn't understand German. I hold her hand for the introduction, and she doesn't pull away. When I ask her what her name is, her eyes do a little half-roll and she answers: xXxXx. I'm like, what? And we laugh and I have her say it slowly for me. HBRussiaV.
I take the opportunity to ask her where she's from. Turns out she's from Russia! And when I ask her what she does, she simply tells me: "Guess."
The game is on. I go for finance. Far away. "This is almost impossible," I say, "I need more information. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?" She answers, and I continue along that thread. She doesn't like cooking as much as tasting the tasty dishes. "You're my type of person," I laugh.
At this point I realize she's suuuper close to me. I could touch her arm just by raising my lower arm, which I do often
Turns out she's a software engineer at Google haha. When I deep dive on that a bit and ask her whether she'd be doing it in 20 years, she replies "I don't know. Maybe," and I say it still means she found something she likes doing.
When I ask the golden question I find out her dream is to become a fashion designer! Here I go, "Really! You? Turn around," and have her spin around for me so I can look at her from all angles. I catch the happy smile she has when turning even underneath the mask.
I number close and remember to try to seed the date, so I ask her when she's free. Her mind turns for a second and she replies, "After work". I tease her about it and hug her goodbye. She had stunning blue eyes I could see especially close up.
I missed my train due to talking with her, so I did one more approach.
Again she didn't understand German. I open direct and this time she doesn't hold hands because "we shouldn't nowdays" so I transition into fistbump. I ask her if she's going anywhere interesting (my go-to second question atm) and she says home. I go into some banter of what she has waiting at home, ending with, "Don't say it too loud! There are kids around!"
Cold read her as a spontaneous person, and thinks quickly and nods in agreement. "Yes, I am quite spontaneous," she nods in serious agreement.
"That'a great," I say. "But listen, I have to get going. We should grab coffee some time."
She agrees but asks me during putting her number in if I have insta. I say no, and she's all sceptical. I tell her I like to connect with people in person.
All in all, she wasn't very receptive and I didn't do the 'home' part smoothly at all. I was also wondering whether to close so kinda fast, as I did, or spend more time talking to her. She had a train to catch, but I'm sure I could've gotten a few more minutes. The question is, would I be able to build I higher point in what follows? I'm not sure. Probably. Next time I'll find out concretely how much time I have an adjust to that. And then I have a better chance of hooking her harder.
I didn't expect her to text back, but she did haha! And might even go out again. I think that spontaniety cold read was the most powerful thing in that set.
Wednesday: Going from train station up some stairs, cute brunette comes down. I actually turn around as she passes me and open.
Very flustered (positively) when I open, but I don't come across as I would like.
She doesn't shake hands either (Corona), and when I try the cold read again (I bet you're a spontaneous person) she kinda shakes her head and is like, not really.
I'm wondering whether this is a rejection, but continue with: "Ah, then you're someone who acts independently and does as you like," which I felt even then wasn't a good follow-up. I wanted to find something to spin-off the the anti-spontaniety in my favor, but that was all I could come up with on the spot.
When I propose coffee, she laughs and says maybe after coffee shops are open again. I get her number anyway, she also asks if I have insta, and puts in her number saying "as an exception".
I need to become smoother and more sexy. I also didn't ask for any compliance, I just realized. Big mistake.
Thursday: Mongolian girl I approach on a busy street. I get her to move with me a few steps for compliance. I ask the golden question, and banter about the poor mountains she conquers when one of the things is hiking. I number close. She is suprisingly receptive over text.
Friday: For some reason anxiety hits rather severely. I manage two approaches nontheless, one turns out to be an already older woman who tells me I'm too young for her. The other doesn't even stop, but I do believe I made it look graceful enough. Oh well.
Overall, it's great I stuck to my consistency and got momentum in that area. But I'm still so baffled by why I can get stuck all of a sudden and have a severe case of non-action... (approach hesitation).
Ways to combat this:
Visualize approaches and visualize myself jumping into the approach without hesitation. Do fake-runs at home where I imagine a beautiful girl appears and I physically jump up and walk up to her and say hi
Mentality 1) Girls are just these silly little adorable creatures. They're even sweeter than ever due to Corona even! →Harmlessness and positivity
Mentality 2) I need to do this, to force myself, to push through my hesitation and insecurities. Struggle and pain makes me stronger... growth through struggle. So MAN UP, because I won't allow myself to be kept down! →Rage drives me
Visualize GOAL more intensly. The girls I want in my bed and life. Visualize my interactions with them, me bedding them, making them beg me for more as they turn into feminine submissive sex playthings... and me being able to express my full, dominant, masculine essence.
Do approaches with the intention of getting rejected. Never truly tried this, could be interesting. → Faster exposure therapy
UPDATE: Out of these girls, I have a date set up on Sunday with the second girl from Tuesday outing. It's going directly to where she lives on the other side of the lake. I was hesitant about going that 'extra effort', but she proposed it after my offer of meeting in the city, and it gives me an actual date plan with potential to pull back to her place. So we'll see how it goes.
HBRussiaV replied short and slow. She had to check when she had time, I checked in on her, she didn't respond...yada yada. Surprisingly she texted today saying she was busy and missed my text, but she has time next week. We set up for Tuesday. My plan is for a connection-type date, and then go for her place for second date. Don't know how else to do it. Maybe test to see if she'd be up to inviting me home after work? And if not, then say sure, next time then And that'll be the second date.
Wednesday girl unsurprisingly doesn't respond to icebreaker.
Mongolian girl is receptive but doesn't get back to me when she says she will. I remind once, and will remind again this weekend. Last chance for her, really.
It's funny how all these girls only got dates set up two weeks later after meeting them. Makes me wonder if it's Corona making them feel lonely and thus 'uncharacteristically' decide to go out with me after all. Maybe the only valid delay was HBRussia working at Google. But it's impossible to know and irrelevant. Just my musings.
Was super busy and had other things pop up, so only went out twice this week. Date on Sunday had to be postponed because she wasn't feeling well. She was super apologetic and offered two alternative for the next week, so seems more genuine. No matter, I always have things to do.
I also got into that almost-fight on Friday, so that put me off approaching for that day.
Monday
Woman with good style and great hair walking slowly in front of me.
I get to her level and tap her on the shoulder. She looks over, and I make eye contact. She's a bit too mature for my taste, but that doesn't stop me.
I compliment on her hair, and ask her how she does it. "You need to show me the tricks!" I say.
She laughs, saying it's "all natural." We banter about it.
I soon ask where she's from. Turns out she's from Portugal.
"I almost thought so," I say. "I could see it in your smile." (She had a gorgeous smile).
This gets her even more interested. She slows down because she reached the shop she was going to, and I ask her what her name is and we exchange names. She touches me heavily here actually, touching me hand, arm, shoulder, elbow with soft caresses.
Nontheless, I am in ejection mode and we part ways warmly and with great energy. She was just that bit too old for me, but still feminine and positive (and she looked like she was a real beauty when she was younger) for it to be interesting.
Tuesday and Wednesday I stay at home to study.
I'll start referring to outings instead of weekdays from now on as it seems more practical.
Outing 2:
Only had a bit of time after tutoring and before having to catch the train, but I allow myself an approach.
I miss a couple of approaches at first, but fully knowing I have and want to make one.
When I see a super cute asian looking girl with silky black hair walking towards me from a right angle, I time it so that I can stop her. She has a white/brownish coat on with a long dark scarf. She looks surprised and starts hesitating, but doesn't stop walking. I quickly adapt and start walking with her. She says it was sweet but still is hesitating, and I push and ask if she has two minutes. She says she has to catch a tram, and then like 4 other connections, but I go "no worries, I can walk this way." So I walk with her along the busier street. I quickly get asked:
Her: "So do you go up to talk to random strangers a lot?"
Me: "Only those with scarfs on." [Only thing I could think of on the top of my head. Wanted to make it more specific. What are other, better replies to this question? I know we run into them alot.]
Her: Looks down and sees her scarf. Seems flustered and not sure how to respond.
Me: "So what do you do?" [I have to rework this question into something more interesting, or replace it altogether. Even just: "So what is it you do," sounds better and more verbatose.
Her: Something about finance. ****
Me: "Well, that doesn't sound passionate at all! Let me ask you this then: Say you won the lottery today, and could do anything you wanted... or could get paid to do whatever you wanted. What would you do?"
Her: "Oh, I like this question! None of this 'where are you from, what do you do' stuff. Hmmm.
She thinks for a few moments and seems a bit nervous doing so.
Her: "I'd try to look at today's youths problems and try to find ways to fix them."
Me: "Ah, that seems interesting. So you really want to help and make an impact."
Her: Sounds of approval.
Here we reach the end of the street and are about to enter a more chaotic area. I don't want to dodge people and have us thrown out of the small bubble we have, so I decide to stop there and push for a close.
"You seem like an interesting person. We should continue talking over coffee," I say, and she stops and agrees. "You're so bold," she mentions twice, even while putting in her number at literal lightspeed. She was SO FAST TYPING IT IN OMG. "This is insane."
"That's what makes life so interesting," I say.
She then rushes off again. Very interesting convo.
Over text she tests me even more, and I reply the best way I can. I'll write it down here perhaps, it's interesting. She responded to my icebreaker with saying I reminded her of Yes Theory. I hadn't known of them before, but turns out the Wim Hof documentary was from them!
Me: Hey HBSilky, nice meeting you today Hope you caught your tram! -Devilicious
Her: Haha yes. You reminded me of one of the Yes Theory guys Her:They pull off stunts like that Her:Just wanted to let you know upfront that I’m perfectly happy with my love life and not looking to increase my body count. You seem like a fun weirdo and having a random conversation in the middle of this boring lockdown seemed oddly amusing when I gave you my number
Me: Hahaha I just checked them up, didn't know they were the guys with Wim Hof! You flatter me Me: And it's about meeting new people and great experiences. And you noticing it just shows you're attuned to the finer beauty in life
Her: Haha let’s just say that I admire people who get out of their comfort zone in a country like Switzerland
Me: I can only say likewise. Where did you grow up?
Her: In Poland. And you? [she looks asian!]
Me: Interesting. Long story, but essentially Switzerland Me: I'd love to hear more over coffee and sunshine. How's your schedule look for next week?
Her: I’m sure I could fit you in it but I’d really like to know first what made you decide to approach me. Did you lose a bet or was it some sort of a personal challenge to go talk to strangers?
Me: That's great I actually can't pin down what made me do it. So it's your doing, really
Her: Haha cut the crap, so you were just walking around, saw me, and decided spontaneously to ask me what I would do if I was dirt rich?
Me: Almost, dear. I saw you, was intrigued, and was curious to find out what type of person you were Me: And don't tell me you'd rather talk about the weather? If so, I'd have to reevaluate ;p
Her: Haha no but seriously. All you saw a was a girl covered with a huge FFP2 mask rushing to the tram How many people did you approach that day? Her: I’ve done something similar once as a challenge Her: And even had to record it Her: I still have the videos, makes me cringe a bit now when I watch them, but being a girl people usually don’t say no to you so it was funny Her: The guy who had to do the same challenge as me was less successful
Me: Really? That actually sounds exciting. What kind of challenge was it? Me: And yes, you have an unfair advantage. Poor passerbys never stood a chance. Do I have to be cautious lest I fall into your trap?
Her: I had to approach three strangers, tell them I had recently moved to Zurich, ask if they could show me around the city, and then obtain their numbers. I approached only men and being a girl obviously nobody said no to me
Me: Haha but I can see why you're unsure. Well, to me it was a spur of the moment thing, just doing what I felt. Your fault, really. I can see how you probably feel there is more behind it, like some challenge or whatever (and I'm actually interested in what kind of interesting things you did, so be prepares to spit out some stories!) But to me it was an opportunity to share an experience with what turned out to be a passionate, interesting girl [Me giving it a potentially overdone injection of passion and authenticity]
Me: So it's really up to whether you're up for the adventure, my dear. I'd be glad to have you join me
Her: Sure, I could squeeze in some time next week
Me: Great How's your schedule around next week?
next day
Her: Good morning So my boyfriend just surprised me - he booked a chalet in [Place in Swiss mountains] until end of next week so we’re gonna leave tonight and do home office from there. That means our walk is gonna have to wait, apologies! Catch you when I’m back
Me: How sweet! Ah, too bad, then we'll see next week [Provider vibes? Making it sound 'sweet' seems perfect. But god damn xD]
Her: Yes, enjoy your weekend
Never dealt with so much testing over text... it was amusing and interesting, however.
Conclusion
All in all, the second girl HBSilky was a perhaps the highest quality girl I have approached/met so far. One notable thing is how much she tests, but this is only a good thing for me as it shows she's interested and intrigued and she can find out about my interesting traits and views. I welcome all testing, because it tests my mettle too. I want her to poke at all my weaknesses so I can become aware of them and remedy them, becoming stronger as a man and character in the process.
In fact, only when writing this and thinking back do I notice these moments of fluster and nervousness she showed, usually followed by some relentless tests. How exciting this all is!
Girl 1: Cute petite blonde coming my way. I stop her policeman style and open, including the pause and tension building. She's very surprised by me stopping her. Then it turns out she doesn't speak German well enough to understand it (but is still good enough for me to have the illusion she does) and says she has to hurry to catch a train, and thus continues walking apologetically.
Note to self: Confirm better what language she understands. First time this happens - usually I notice and can switch.
Girl 2: I open indirect when we're both on a tiny pulled mini-train going up to University in the morning. We both stand in the only outside compartment, and I want to open with an RPO. But she's Asian, so I quickly have to ask whether she speaks German - and switch to English and ask her where she's from (China). Then it goes into the habitual what brought her here, what she does, what she'd like to do instead. We get off together and take a few steps to where our paths diverge. Here, I follow my normal process by telling her we should grab coffee together some time. She's nonchalant about it and I take her number. I ask when she's free normally, trying to seed a date, and she doesn't pin anything down because she's busy. Maybe here I could really go for something specific, like ("When do you finish working/studying? Or does weekend work better?") And even if it doesn't materialize, I can still future project what we'll do and let her tell me later what works.
Here I found interesting that I could have gone for more pacing and SOT's (travel, culture), and immersed here more (that's the idea). Instead, I fell into autopilot of opening, doing some deep dives, and pushing for close. I really notice the different mindsets of indirect and direct:
Direct
Direct, you open somehow, then screen and qualify, build connection, arousal, compliance, (just realized I forgot compliance with this girl... hmm. I generally am unsure how to integrate it. Here, I could have told her to move a bit, and then when she told me she'd like to design cars, point out at a car passing by and having her tell me one thing she doesn't like, and one thing she'd change if she were in charge of designing it.).
Doing that well enough, she's interested in meeting you again. On the date, you continue building on SAC, and have ASD gambits and qualifiers to prevent/minimize LMR, as you keep leading things forward.
Indirect
With indirect, you open with a RPO and pace her world. You then transition into SOT's, set strong and open frames and have her qualify herself with those. You intrigue her, get her on a date.
There, you continue and fractionate between SOT's and fluff talk to get her simmering. You never directly show interest, rather showing strong anti-judgement and passionate, open expectations. To make this happen, there is a strong focus on verbals. Hypnotic delivery and engaging language are the main weapons.
At least that's my current understanding of it.
Girl 3: She had amazing blonde hair from the back. I deciding to go for the easiest, most effortless opener by complimenting her hair (and continuing by asking for tips since I have long hair too) I touch her shoulder, wait for her to turn before making eye contact. Turns out she's an already older British lady. I deliver anywhere and banter a bit before wishing her a great day.
Girl 4: Fashionably dressed brunette with nice hair from the back with blue coat. I do the same touch shoulder pre-opener but go direct this time. She's Asian... what is it with me opening all these Asian girls? I never realized how many there were before now. She's westernized and super cute, so who cares! I opened in English but soon find out she's from Germany... but I'm not switching languages.
The start is not as smooth as could be. When I ask whether she's going anywhere interesting, she says she's waiting for a friend. (!!!).
"Ah, cool," I say. "I actually also have a train to catch. But I have 5 minutes. So, tell me: What is it you do?"
Before she can answer I inject am attempted half-cold read:
"Hmm, you look like someone who.... does something social." [Better: I bet you're someone... who enjoys talking to people...but also has moments where... you just want to be left alone. Do agree? Here I just wanted to make it into 'do you do this in work', get her answer, point out doesn't sound passionate about it, and ask what she'd do if she could do anything. But writing this makes it increasingly obvious that linking work to this is the wrong approach. Instead, I should go immediately for the reality pace without asking about her work, and moving on with golden question.]
Well, she does banking, and I tell her "Oh, hopefully as the role of the bank robber!" Then follow 'you don't sound passionate about it. So, let me ask you this..."
Her eyes light up.
"Traveling," she says.
I try contrast&listing.
"Ah, interesting. Is it immersing yourself in a new culture? Or the excitement of making new connections?"
It's cut off short with her nodding and agreeing with both points.
Generally, I inject cold reads and qualifiers (you GRAB life by the horns) and adventure, spontaniety.
She asks me back with interest: "What about you?"
"Music," I say. "There's just something about it..." here I can in the future immerse her more. [Have you ever noticed... how music just brings your mind to a different place... one where you FEEL ALLOWED to be free and true to yourself... without feeling judged? Does this make sense?]
Well, soon I say I have to catch a train, but we should grab coffee sometime.
"Oh, well, I have a boyfriend..."
I do the 'show me your hands', she does it, and say 'ah, good, no ring!'.
"Tell you what," I say, "let's exchange numbers. And when you feel adventerous and spontaneous, we can figure something out."
She agrees, whips out her phone.
And here comes the wildcard. Her friend arrives.
She hugs HBAsianBrunette and smiles at me all flustered, clearly knowing something is going on but not knowing the full picture. She holds out her hand, immediately introducing herself happily. I smile back naturally and give her my name.
"Hi. We just met, actually!" I say, and they have a moment of exchanging glances. I'm worried about ASD, so I act natural and turn back to my girl.
"Yeah, so just text me then," I say. She begins nodding rapidly. "I'll just put in my number," I say, and do so while they again exchange silent glances.
"Well, it was awesome meeting you. I won't keep you two ladies waiting. HBAsianBruntte, [friend's name]." I nod them goodbye with a closed, confident smile and strut away.
This could go both ways. Maybe her friend will now encourage her to text me and give her the courage to do so.
Girl 5:
After sleeping at a friend's and making my way back home, I decide to stop in the city for my last 2 approaches I set myself to this for this week. This means my hair was simply put together in a half-bun, and I probably wasn't the sharpest!
This girl is standing near the train station in the second focal point of the city. She sees me walking and I see her check me out while I deliberately focus on not looking at her. When I'm a bit closer, I act as if I just saw her, give her an appraising look, and walk closer for the last 2 meters and open direct.
In line with what I learned before, I don't ask directly what she does, but try my line.
Me: "What do you do? Perhaps something social. You look like someone who likes to be social and interact with people... but then also has moments where all you want is to be left alone." [I still used it in the context of her 'work'. The main reason being I'm not sure where to take the cold read after without. Perhaps the Golden Question. I'll try this next time: cold read→Golden question. But it doesn't seem so smooth... I'll try injecting a pregnant pause before the Golden Question]
She tells me, and upon digging deeper I find out she 'flowed' into where she is now.
Golden question lets me find out she loves sports! I try listing, she agrees.
At some point she crosses her arms though, and she's standing too far away for me to touch her. Not good!
I soon follow on my earlier time-restriction saying I have to catch my train, and go for the close. She says her boyfriend wouldn't be happy. Even the 'no ring' doesn't catch. Oh well.
Nonetheless, she was even more beautiful than I first thought when I approached her, and I never regret talking to a beautiful girl
Girl 6: At a higher elevation looking down on the street. Brunette woman walking my way. Again a make sure not to look at her until she gets close. I plan on going indirect.
I see her look down at the sight as well.
"Great view from here, isn't it!" I say while leaning against the fence.
"Sure is," she replies, not even slowing down. Off she goes.
Oops.
So now I know why there are attention grabs which I'll make sure to use in the future. I kinda expected her to slow down/stop because that's what I've experienced, but obviously this is not always the case xD And with an attention grab they'd stop anyway.
This means the famous "hey, have you ever noticed.." and variants.
Generally, I noticed that on slow Sunday mornings with few people wandering out in the city, it makes more sense and seems smoother to go indirect. Meanwhile, for crowded streets, direct seems more congruent...
This is all conjecture, but I'll be trying both and seeing what I learn!
All in all, I put myself out there this week and practiced opening and reaching the hook point smoothly. For this I focused on cold reads, reality paces, and experimenting with the best conversation path to take. The fundamental eye contact I'll continue to focus on because while I'm already reasonably good at it, I want it mastered better! You can always improve, after all.
The next thing to integrate will be meta pace openers I'm excited to try more of, as well as simply experiment more and see what works best. Focus on getting better with cold reading and qualifying, and once that is down automatic on integrating related SOT's into the conversation.
Without further ado, here's the report for this week:
Week 15.03
Introduction Weekly Goals
Mindset
Positivity
Tactic/Technique
Cold reads and RPO
Fundamental
Eye Contact
Approach Target
Seven (7)
Outings
Girl 1
I'm in a semi-hurry to catch my train, and also want an approach in before I go. The result is me opening a beautiful woman on the automatic stairs going down - I deliver an abbreviated version of my opener, and follow with a compliment that she looks great.
I then rush for my train.
Don't know why I do this. I wanted to at least keep myself accountable - if I say I do an approach today, I do one! But at least it felt authentic and interesting. She gave me that look of surprise, intrigue, and expectation...
Girl 2: HBMicrowaveMagic
When going to warm up my lunch in the microwave, there's a girl using the second one. It's one that is semi-broken, so I open with a comment about that, soon followed by a small story of the last time I battled with it... and teasing her for having the 'magic touch' that makes it work for her.
I quickly make a guess as to what she studies and I'm pretty close lol. Qualify on that, but her food is finished. "Now I need you," I say, and have her set up the microwave for my food as I put it in. Perfect compliance opportunity. She gets noticeably excited. She tries it and of course it doesn't work anymore! Banter about that, give her commands on what to try... eventually it works.
"Ok, I'll be right over there if you need me," she smiles as she saunters off when it works. "Sure thing," I reply. I consider going there after, but eventually don't. If I see her again I'll coffee date close. It's actually possible, too. Fingers crossed.
Girl 3: HBQuiet
It's Friday, I need to get approaches in.
I won't go into details, but I'm tired as fuck and it's freezing. The first 40minutes I literally spend walking around in new areas of the city where there weren't many people at the time. Well, at least I found out...
I'm in my head and it blocks me for the populated street. I miss approaching one of the most beautiful, gorgeous blonde girl I have ever seen. Now we've gone too far!
And here, I discover an incredible, super-effective weapon:
The post-up
Just stop and stand somewhere at the side of the street. Preferably somewhere with enough traffic.
Watching the people, including attractive cute girls, walking past in waves gives me exactly what I need.
What my problem was, I would just walk, and never really stop. Only for an approach. And even then, I'd walk somewhere else right after.
So simple, but discovered at one of the darkest moments of my approach ambition.
Getting to the actual girl:
I stop leaning against the wall with a smile on my face and make two steps to stop her as she comes towards me.
I deliver my opener rather languidly, knowing she was giving me her full attention and going to listen. Unhurriedly, confidently. I then have her move a few steps towards the side of the street with me.
She's not very reactive, however. Extending my hand has her put two fingers in my palm.
"I have to catch a train," she says, pointing towards the street.
"That's ok. I think I can also walk this way," I reply. She's surprised, but we get going. I remember the assignment of what I wanted to try.
I find out she's going home.
"Ah, nice. Have you ever noticed how... your mood changes after work? You go out into freedom... and fresh air."
She hums in agreement, and I can hear the surprise and shock in her voice. It's the first time I really try something like this deliberately, and while I knew it's effective, it is just far more impactful to observe it yourself.
And it wasn't even that good of an adapted RPO! Hahaha reading it now, it sucks ass!
"Yes, and you can finally let loose... and spend time doing something YOU enjoy doing. Not just spending time for someone else!"
Again agreement.
"Well, let me ask you this: What do you enjoy doing in your free time?"
She starts thinking. "Reading," she eventually says.
"Ah, interesting. What is it about it that you enjoy?"
She thinks again for a longer time. Yeah, she's not very fast in replying haha.
She says immersing in the story.
[Here I could have done a longer meta-pace with immersing in the characters feelings and emotions.]
I continue by asking whether she'd want to enter a movie/book world, which one she'd choose, and why (not all at once, of course)
Long thinking. Harry potter, it seems.
"Ah, would you be the wand-waving Head Girl?" I tease. "No, not really." Ok...
I see I'm not getting anywhere and decide to eject. We're close to the station anyway. I go for coffee proposal, she has a boyfriend, and doesn't even give me her hand to say goodbye! I make it playful and handle it well, so we have a 'warm' parting.
That was kinda weird. At least I could practice my meta-framing.
Girl 4: HBViolinist
Cute woman with pink FFP2 mask. I go near her, acting as if looking at train schedule, and she starts wandering off... I'm hesitant. Is it weird if I approach her now? Ah, fuck it - I go and she's super receptive. Turns out she's a violinist and is on her way for her show/performance... not bad, girl, not bad. I qualify her on it and find out more about her passion for music. She'd do it all again, but only if she knew she could get that stable job she has now - like she wouldn't allow her children to follow that path! I think nothing of this comment. Spoiler alert.
Soon her train comes and I tell her we should grab coffee. She's very enthusiastic and agrees happily, and I have to enter the train and keep the door open as she puts in her number.
"Call me," she says enthusiastically.
Well, I check out her profile later for my icebreaker text and what do I see: A profile picture of her with her HUSBAND and KIDS... jesus christ.
She was just so sweet and her husband looked like a boring provider, so I shoot my icebreaker anyway. But she doesn't respond, as almost expected. Female state control is your biggest friend and enemy indeed...
Girl 5:
Woman with flowers in her hand, standing in the underground of the train station.
I walk up nearby ahead of her and stop to look at the big clock on the wall. I pause, then turn my head a bit to look at a spot between clock and her. She raises her head and looks, and I catch her gaze.
I give her a smile.
"Ah, flowers? For me? No, you flatter me. That's too much. We've only known each other for a few seconds!" I say teasingly with corresponding hand gestures.
She chuckles bemusedly. We both know that was smooth...
She's older than expected though, so I wish her a great day and move on.
Girl 6: Pizza shop girl
Wanted to practice having her notice me first. She's staring at the menu of a pizza store, and I stop and look at it as well. I then move my gaze near her, she turns her head abruptly to look at me, and I catch her gaze. I smile at her.
And at this moment, a guy rushes into the entrance and she snaps out of it and follows him. Oh...
Girl 7: HBBlondeA
Sunday morning, on my home from my LR with HBVampire.
City is deserted. I decide to practice indirect.
Walking into the main train station, a blonde girl comes my way. Perfect. I unconsciously do the 'noticed you, found you interesting' eye check, and wonder whether it's too late for indirect. Ah, fuck it. Here goes nothing.
"Hey, this is very spontaneous, but I have a VERY important question for you... and I wanted your take on this" I say with a smile.
She stops and gives me a look I can't identify. Like it's weird, but her reaction says a different story...
I am not prepared at all and any RPO I had just slipped my mind. I just remember main elements: city, feeling, islands. Ok, let's see...
"Have you ever realized... how the city is so empty on this Sunday morning... and how..."
I'm losing my train of thought here. What did I want to say, and how? Well, wing it!
After trailing off I chuckle.
"Haha, you can see I'm having trouble expressing it." Her mirror neurons most likely kicked in somewhere before because I can see a twinkle in her eyes I know must be in mine. I find my thoughts again.
"Well, and how you're like a small island... sinking into the big island that is the city... and being more isolated... you feel more free. Does this make sense?"
I honestly don't know what to expect, but I'm surprised again by her nodding earnestly and seriously.
"Yes, so true! The city is so empty recently," she replies.
Admiration of meta-pacing fills me up. It is one thing to read about it, but seeing it is a whole other matter... I'm honestly surprised how well it's working. Then again, I only tried it twice so far (both this week) xD
"Yes, indeed. The city is so deserted," I continue. "But that adds a different beauty to it."
Here, I go for a cold read I'm sure could be better:
"You know, you look like someone... who does something...social," I guess.
Shock fills her eyes.
"Oh my god, yes! I worked as a <nurse or something>, but I'm a student now for <something with nursing and health>"
"Interesting," I say, How did you get into it?"
"Oh, I was looking for an apprenticeship," she giggles. "But I like it"
"Hmm, what about it do you like most?" I ask.
"Hmm, so what I'm studying now combines elements of psychology, biology, and health."
"Oh, so you like how you can interact with different fields and get a better overview of everything?"
She agrees wholeheartedly.
She'd even do it for 20 more years, so I qualify on her passion. Somewhere along the conversation I switched positions to lock myself in against the wall next to us.
I notice her check her watch and notice the tension appear in her body language. Before she can say anything, I do it first.
I tell her I have a train to catch, but she's an interesting person and open-minded, and it's a pleasure talking to her, so we should grab coffee sometime...
She agrees happily. She puts in her number and full name. I do a mini screen on time "you don't have crazy working hours, do you?" and she laughs and disagrees. She's a student now, after all! I laugh and briefly tell her it's a different story for my University, but more on that later...
When we part she qualifies herself on my semi-cold reads ("awesome meeting an interesting and open-minded person") and compliments me for having the balls to do this...
"You have to," I say. Perhaps in the future I'll try a 'life is short, grab it by the horns' platitude.
Girl 8: Ethiopian girl
Underground train station area waiting for my train. A black beauty with that curly braided hair look with suitcases is standing nearby.
I open with a statement about her hair. The plan is to then find out where she's from, and what brought her here.
The language barrier is quite serious, however, and she barely understands what I'm saying. Eventually I do get that she's here because she's engaged. She's asking me questions back.
"Found a cute Swiss guy to seduce, did you," I tease. She doesn't understand what I mean and gives me an uncertain smile and giggle. Her train comes, so I get her name and let her go.
Analysis
What I did well:
-Tried meta-pacing in my interactions and saw immediate effects!
-Always kept positive and had a smile on my face. I smile before every approach, or even just seeing a beautiful girl makes me smile. It's how I conditioned myself and I love it
-Focused on eye contact as well successfully. Noticing more impact
-Found a new weapon: post-up! Standing still helps a lot, especially when I'm in my head and can observe the stream of people flowing past.
-I always tried to go for the close.
-I attempted new opener style: "Hey, I have a VERY important question..." I realized how dominant it is to command her to come over, stay and listen to what you have to say...
-I practiced the 'having her notice me first' thing.
What I can improve:
-Better RPO's which are better prepared for delivery
-More mapped out continuations for RPO's and prepared SOT meta paces. I feel like this is very powerful...
-Get better at making her believe she saw you first
-Cultivate more engaging verbals and nlp that draws her in...
Outlook
Overall, very successful week. I even had a LR!
I made progress on meta-pacing and opening/hooking, and made steps to develop my game to become more immersive and powerful. Still figuring out how to refine it, but lots of trying out new things and seeing what I learn from it. Very exciting.
Busy train station. I wanted to do at least one approach (after dawdling for too long), so I approach the best dressed girl nearby. I open direct (this was before the switch to indirect) and she's very happy. I don't push it though, and she also seems unsure, so off she goes. Bad, bad, bad. Always push for something! Lets treat this one as holding myself accountable for the goals I set.
Girl 2: First indirect opener!
Went out on Tuesday with the idea of starting the big journey of learning indirect. I soon run into a very obvious fact: I need to change the battlefield. Where I currently approach are pretty busy streets near a big train station, so everyone is on their way home and most likely have a train to catch.
I wanted to try direct stop but indirect opener, e.g. Stopping her boldly, but instead of compliment opener I say "Hey, I have a VERY important question... and you look like an open minded person" but this just feels really weird standing in the busier street and imagining doing it. Like, might as well go direct...
I often feel like girls I could approach direct I can't approach after all, because I can't find a good indirect angle for this.
I beat myself up over this, of course, trying to hammer in that a clumsy approach is infinitely better than no approach!!! It's like the 'lower your standards, fuck hotter girls' thing since you get more practice in.
When a super hot girl comes my way and we're alone on the smaller street with it already being somewhat dark, I act as if I hadn't seen her until she comes close.
"Hey... I have a very important question," I say with a smile. "You look like an open minded person, so I'd like to have your thoughts on this."
She takes off her headphones and cocks her head sideways.
"Have you ever noticed... how when you get off work... and leave all the stress behind... you feel a sense of freedom... and relaxation?"
I don't deliver it very smoothly, admittedly. It's because I'm coming up with these more or less on the spot and need to drill them better.
She's neutral, or I can't read her.
"Hmm... I guess so," she goes.
"Well, maybe you enjoy your work," I venture.
"Mehh, maybe..." she says.
"Ah, that didn't sound passionate at all! So, if you could do anything at all and get paid for it, what would you do?"
I realize the transition wasn't the best. "If I were to ask you, that is," I subconsciously throw in there right after.
She gives me a weird shy smile.
"Sing," she says quietly.
I want to find out more but she says she has to get going and points in the direction she was walking, giving me the same small smile.
Time seems to slow down.
My instincts scream CLOSE CLOSE CLOSE but my mind objects: indirect means building intrigue! She's not hooked - asking her now means it being weird.
Yeah, I let her go. Dumb
Next time I'll always close, no matter what. And that's ironclad.
Unless I can get her to stay...
Main learning: CLOSE CLOSE CLOSE, or tell her to stay for 2 minutes! And then close after. Just never let her go without trying!
Girl 3:
Literally stares at me while walking past me. Turns her head as she goes, too... I react and say "hi!" and she's like 'oh, hi!" but is still in the motion of walking. I NEED TO STOP HER. TELL HER TO COME HERE FOR A SECOND... because I have a very important question
Needless to say, I didn't react fast enough
Girl 4:
There is this stunning red sunset in the distance illuminating the sky. I see a girl stop to take a picture, and make a strategic move of walking up right ahead to her side, taking a picture of my own. My plan was to then 'notice' her, and deliver something relating to the sunset and the mood.
Have you ever noticed... how when the day changes to night... your mood changes right with it? It's like... you feel the environment become looser, opener... and feel allowed to be freer and more adventurous?
Well, she doesn't look, and is in fact completely immersed in her phone and earplugs. I'm at a loss. I should still try to grab her attention, by nudging her shoulder, returning eye contact only when she looks at me, pacing with a 'I know this is surprising as you were focused on your phone' and then continue with a RPO.
Main learning: Open any way you can, even if it isn't the most perfectly natural engineered opening. Experience is more valuable, and in fact will help me better in created these situations!
Girl 5: Morning Sunshine
Walking to Uni in the late morning, it's a beautiful day. As I wander next to the river, and super cute girl in sunglasses walks my way. The way is narrow. Perfect. I instinctually open direct... GRRR. Should've tried RPO! No matter, I'm reconditioning my reflexes.
At the very least, I make it more descriptive, with 'lively' and 'vibrant' used to describe her style (accurate, actually).
Here I could have made a cold read about her personality also being "someone who enjoys being lively and energetic. I bet you're the motivated one getting your friends to do new things".
She's super happy, but I just smile in indecision, because it caught up to me I should be going indirect... and off she goes swaying her hips.
At first I was thinking: Just ask her name! Because it fits the vibe and the moment. But now I'm thinking: Always have a cold read up my sleeve I can use whenever, especially in moments where I'm not sure how to smoothly continue conversation or get her to hook/invest more.
Here is what I'll try:
"You look like the type of person... that knows what she wants... and isn't afraid to go after it. Is that right?"
Then potentially continue with:
She agrees
"You know, I feel like that's something rare nowadays. Society tells you how to act, always piling up pressure on you to conform to a certain norm... especially as a woman. It's so unfair you're being judged for being true to yourself!"
And boom, sex frame introduced.
Essentially, try to go for cold read → non-judgemental RPO
I reread Gunwitch's SECT article and it was a true eye-opener and reminder as to what principles to go for even when going indirect.
To summarize:
Speak slowly, sexually
EYE CONTACT
Closeness
Touch
Outing Friday
Had two errands to run after studying: Picking up tea and get some snacks for a friend who just had a surgery on his foot.
The first girl is a cute blonde I try to find a natural approach. I stop near her and check out my phone. She begins walking away, so I throw it all in the wind and go: 'Hey!' She doesn't hear and continues. 'Hey, scuzzi scuzzi, yes you,' I say (semi-italian for excuse me - it just sounds silly and playful. And no, I don't know Italian xD). She turns around and a pair of incredibly bright blue eyes meet mine. Oh lord.
"I need you help," I say, and gesture to the picture on my phone of where the tea shop is. She's very engaged in helping and I add touch and qualifications. I treat it entirely as warmup, as I'm not sure how to continue.
Really, I just need to switch conversation to her and go from there...
I keep moving and actually meet a female friend with her bf, so we banter a bit.
After, I enter a supermarket looking for some specific crackers. Of course I quickly notice more pretty woman than expected... and am wracking my brain trying to remember how Skippy's mini-adventure RPO went. To no avail. But I still smell the opportunity for practice...
Opener First Sentence Practice
I stop one cute woman:
"Excuse me... I have a VERY important question..." I say slowly and with a smile.
She looks at me in expectation. I wait a few heartbeats as tension rises.
"...do you know where the [cracker brand] is?"
She breaks into a soft giggle.
"Ah, I'm not sure! I think it's in this area," she gestures.
I banter a bit with her before going on.
I then repeat the same thing with a very cute store attendant, and get a nearly identical reaction.
It's very interesting to see how their emotions and expectations are spiked... I love it.
-Teashop girl:
Meta Pacing Practice:
Picking up some tea from a tiny shop on the old part of town for a friend, it strikes me the vendor is a shy and cute girl. I use this as practice to ask about how she got into having a tea shop, her motivation behind it, her passion... and ultimately a meta-pace on drinking tea I got the inspiration from Bacchus. I then have her give me her name, so we won't just be on customer-selling basis. But here I wonder how to proceed. And in hindsight, it's very easy - tell her she's an interesting person to talk to and how I especially like [qualification 'new experiences' and openness], and we should drink some tea sometime... so she can show me how it's done properly
-Shy blonde beauty:
I get out of the supermarket, and see a beautiful blonde girl standing around. I stop near her, my gaze taking the surroundings in, before my eyes move in her direction and 'notice' her. I catch her staring at me and hurriedly look away - I act immediately.
"Hey, I have a very important question," I say. She looks at me.
"But first, tell me... are you an open minded person?"
She's like, uhm, I guess.. why?
"Well, have you ever noticed... how when you're standing in the city with streams of people walking past..." I gesture openly but slowly with my hands, "and you stay standing... almost like an island of isolation... you feel a sense of freedom... and relaxation? Does this make sense?"
I came up with this entirely on the spot, mind you. Just remembered the 'punchline' that I was planning on using for another RPO about the sunny beautiful weather influencing your mood - but then it wasn't as sunny when I went out... so I adapted it in the moment.
She starts thinking and seems to get it more and more as she begins nodding.
"Yeah... I never thought that way..."
"Yes, I thought you were a person who'd be able to see that view... nice to see someone who has interesting perspectives" I qualify (this can be improved).
She blushes.
"Hmm, so now I wonder... what someone like you does..."
"Guess," she says with a smile after a moment.
I look at her inquisitively. Taking in her eager gaze, her lush blonde hair, and slight redness on her cheeks.
"It's nearly impossible, actually. Help me out here. Hmm, what do you enjoy doing in your free time?"
Outdoor stuff, she says.
"Ah, so you're someone who enjoys going out into the world to experience," I say (actually more eloquantly than this - I just don't remember exactly what I said). She agrees and seems shocked.
Well, eventually I guess she studies. Yep. Something social? Nope... then turns out she does mechanical engineering, just like me, just one year under me...
I dive into her motivation and what she wants to do. She's surprisingly passionate.
Soon, I tell her I have to get going, but we should grab coffee sometime... and she blushes, looks down, and says her boyfriend is literally on his way here.
Weird twist:
Before I can decide how to best proceed, a weird older dude starts hitting on her in a heavy accent. Wtf. And then, 5 seconds later, her boyfriend arrives - a tall, good-looking dude. So now the situation is us all looking at the weird guy. Her bf sweeps her up for a deep kiss - the guy gets the hint and goes away. Then they turn to me.
I'm unsure what to do and somewhat banter with him, but not very smoothly as he doesn't get some jokes... now that I think back, it seems he felt threatened as he saw me talking to her and her reacting excitedly and shyly... and I'm dressed my best that day, with a longer dark blue coat and purple scarf. I notice I can make people look at me when I play around with my gaze and stride. But that's a sidenote.
Anyway, it's kind of awkward, and I tell her we'll see each other around and walk off. I hear the weird guy trying to catch my attention but decide against interacting with him.
So, all in all, it escalated quickly in a very short time with wildcards. But I notice the effects of the indirect approach and am very inspired.
Analysis
What I did well:
-Tried out RPO openers and practiced meta-pacing
-Pushed myself to learn this new skillset
-Thought about continuations from RPO and experimented with some of them
What I can improve:
-Always try to close!
-Smoother RPO delivery
-More RPO's up my sleeve, for the situations I encounter
-More approaching, even if it isn't the perfect angle... experience>smoothness
-Learn how to deal with boyfriends. I remember a LR from Bacchus (Poetic Injustice) where he turns very friendly and non-threatening when the bf comes. I'll use that as a main reference!
-Better mapped out conversation path continuations for daygame. I wonder if I can use Lofty's good friend JADA in broad daylight... actually, why not? Something I'll have to try and field test.
Currently, I go for: RPO->Cold read->Setting up frame of what she does->Need more information; What does she enjoy doing in her free time?->... and end up at my more familiar deep diving path, with more verbatose and nlp-focused qualifiers.
I feel like this can be improved. First, I'll think about mapping out continuations and finding smoother transitions into deep dives. The cold read I have there in second place is my current venture into this. And how to work social->emotional->sexual I still am trying to figure out. Especially because if you look at the 'progression' of casual->Fun/stimulating->Emotionally engaging->Sexual, an RPO begins between stimulating/engaging already... is then the attention grab the casual part? Hmm.
Generally, I'm still taking baby steps in finding out how to structure it, where to flow to, how to get to SOT's, hell, how to even properly talk about the SOT! And then being able to do this for multiple SOT's to fractionate.
Well, the first step in getting good is to be aware of where you can improve... and I currently fall safely into that category
Outlook
Two things. One, I had many situations where I could've approached direct... but didn't find an indirect angle for it and ended up not approaching. This is partly because I want to force myself to learn how to look for ways to do it 'naturally'. This is both smart and dumb. Smart, because it indeed forces me to look for new angles and ways. Dumb, because it's too easy to veer on the side of non-approach.
The way to fix this is to continue to look for best angles but still approach and see how it goes.
This is a problem to me because I daygame in the city, and when it's busier I find it wholly incongruous to stop her, policeman style (which is almost what is needed most of the time) and then launch into a 'Hey, have you ever noticed...' xD She'll be thinking: What does this guy actually want from me!
I actually wanted to try that this week, but couldn't bring myself to do it in a busy area.... main learning here is to move to different areas and times. I recently realized while playing Beach Volleyball for the first time this year that there are parks and other spots which might be great potential spots for indirect! Only disadvantage is that it's not so crazy convenient to go there. Only if I have nothing else that day, then it's a good thing to keep in mind.
Second thing: Last week, I was very confused about what elements I can keep from direct daygame. What helped me a lot was Gunwitch's article with SECT.
I find it interesting that compliance isn't included... in my mind I explain it like a double edged sword. On the one hand, it increases her commitment. On the other, it creates a moment in her mind where she think: "Do I want to follow his lead and move this forwards?" at least on a subconscious level.
And then it creates a moment of potential 'loss' when she decides she doesn't, actually, feel that (yet).
I'll just stick to learning what the more advanced friends I admire preach (Gunwitch, Bacchus, Teevster,...), until I get to a level I can innovate and experiment on my own. Far away, but I'll get there eventually!
I originally didn't plan on going to the city today, but then realized it was the day I tutor. So off I went.
Well, turns out her school has holidays already.... well, I have stuff to do, so I work on my Thesis and listen to a lecture. And since I'm in the city, I might as well go approach
It's an absolutely gorgeous sunny day, and when I finish working at 6pm the golden rays of sun sink down onto the passerby's and create a field where you feel a sense of relaxation and openness...
Upon seeing @Bacchus, who I admire and respect, recommend it somewhere here, I had listened to @Gunwitch 's audio course and was eager and excited to start implementing it!
Girl 1: HBLatvia
I'm still finding out what spots are good for my new type of game.
As I cross a small bridge which is rather scenic, I see a hot blonde walking in my direction. Perfect. I actually get a rush of adrenaline for some reason. "Isn't this amazing?" I catch myself thinking.
I pretend not to see her until she's closer, then open with a Gunwitch opener I want to try:
"Wow, hey... you look EXACTLY like my ex girlfriend... except you have a different energy behind your eyes." She has gorgeous blue eyes enhanced by her blonde wave hair.
I actually started in Swiss German, but she doesn't understand and I have to switch languages.
"Oh really?" She says with an intrigued look, "Was she nice?"
I laugh.
"Oh, no, she was mean. Maybe you are nicer," is what I come up with. Playing with the frame, seeing how I can frame things in my favour.
I soon get to finding out where she's from, since that follows naturally because I had to switch languages since she's not from here.
"Guess," is what I get. "It's really hard," she adds.
"Hmm... that's tough... Russia?" I venture.
"That's always the first guess. Nope, not from there - you have 3 tries left." Sassy girl.
"Oh, are we playing this game now?" I laugh, "What's the prize?" Bad frame, I feel. So I abandon it immediately.
I get her to give her more hints, all while poking fun at her for doing this silly game. It's the vibe of 'this is silly, but I'm amusing myself in the moment so I'll just go for it'.
Of course, for 'more information' I get what she enjoys doing in her free time. Lots of things, she tells me.
"Ah, so you're the type of person that enjoys doing many things, and can't decide on only one," I say.
The game continues and it's not Denmark, it's 1/3 of Denmark.
"That's an extremely specific thing to know," I say with a raised eyebrow. Around here I move to lock myself in, with me leaning against the fence and her facing me.
She has Danish friends, that's why. I wrack my mind for a moment. Lithuania is my next guess.
This makes her giggle in almost affirmation.
"It's in that area!" I exclaim and she acts offended: "THAT area??"
"Yeah, I forget the names. I even visited it though," I interest bait (true story). She's from Riga.
I transition into what brought her here and go off that for emotional stimulation.
She asks me what I do.
"I study," is my reply. She wants to know more. "Guess "
She's very close and guesses STEM.
I tell her as such, and she wants to know which letter.
"Which letter? You'll have to tell me what each letter means then," I tease, taking the opportunity to increase her engagement. She says it out of order, and I tease her about it.
I move it back to her and want to find out what she does. I tell her I bet she's STEM related in some way, because I can smell it. It's true She replies 'it depends' though.
Me: "It depends? So you mean Monday is your STEM day? And Tuesday is... Spa and massage day?"
Funnily enough she's in a similar management position as my latest LR HBVampire. She's doing it for the money though.
"Well, imagine you could do ANYTHING in the world, and get paid money to do it... what would you do? And don't say eating or sleeping."
"Ooh, interesting," she goes. "It depends. And I wouldn't have said those anyway!"
She then tries to move on and tells me I should tell her something about myself.
"About myself? Well, ask something then. That's how conversation works," I tease.
That's how the conversation generally went at the start. Me asking, going deep, her realizing it and trying to push it back to me, saying it's 'imbalanced'. What that means: I'm getting to her, and she doesn't want me to. Then me reframing her behavior or the entire conversation, and eventually circling back to it and getting the answer. Rinse and repeat. Push pull all the way. At the beginning of conversation she never really held eye contact, but I held mine intensely, and soon she starts staring back more and more often. Fuck, her eyes turn me on...
Well, one question of what she enjoys doing that she doesn't really answer I say:
"Haha, you don't seem to want to say it. Just watch it be something like strip dancing."
"Actually, that's something I like doing. I'm going to do it today, as a matter of fact," she says. Lol! I act nonchalant. Let her know I'm not terribly impressed, unlike most guys.
"That's cool. I have female friends who do it too," I state casually. [I do have one female friend who does it]. "There's definitely more to it than one would expect. Expressing yourself..."
She interrupts me, "Yes, exactly! And it's far more athleticism than most expect,"
"Oh yeah, I imagine. If I did it, I'd fall on my head," I say, and she nods her heard seriously in agreement. Note to self: Don't say things like this...
"So how did you get into it? It's cool to see you have the bravery and passion to go for what you want," I qualify.
"Ahh, long time ago," she thinks.
"But it seems like you really enjoy doing it. Could you imagine still doing it in 20 years?" I ask.
"20? 50 years!" she exclaims.
I inquire what it is about it she likes the most.
"Pushing through the hard moments, the pain, the struggle, thinking 'fuck it!' and coming out on top... is just an amazing feeling," she says quite deeply.
We continue talking about passion and expression. After some types of replies of hers I say "yep, definitely STEM here," if she was particularly logical or structured about something. Interestingly enough, a few times of this really makes her more immersed. Because she notices me notice it about her...
Every time she tests me, I throw it back or act dramatic with her 'breaking my heart', or reframing. For instance, I say I'm actually not good with talking, and she's like "No, no, you're really good."
"You sure?" I ask quizzically giving her a sceptical look.
"Yes, really," she affirms. I hold both hands against my chest.
"Ahh, you flatter me. If you continue this you might just seduce me," I say.
She laughs but immediately tests.
"It's like your practicing," she says sometimes when trying to avoid a deeper question.
"Practice? Is that what you're doing with me? Seducing innocent victims in broad daylight? Do I have to run away?" Re-framements like that.
Or jokes about how fast I'd have to run to escape her. Then she'll think about it for a moment and say, "I don't know... some of them survive."
And then I'll spin it off as having her being a high-heel throwing demoness whose innocent victims try to run away, and frame myself as one of those. And re-reference it when a similar test comes from her.
When I go into 'if you could go back in time, would you still do it?' she again tries to flip the script on me.
"What about you, would you choose engineering again? You're in your... masters, right?"
Nope. "PhD?" Nope... Bachelors haha. She gets a glint in her eye. "Ooh, so you're at [Uni] doing your Bachelor? Do you even still have free time?" and teases ME about this. Hahaha. Then she goes back to her previous question. I stare deep into her eyes as I 'contemplate', and we get lost for a moment. Anyway...
One other interesting part:
Me: "Oh, I'm veryyy nice. Well, today you caught my nice day"
Her: "So Thursday is 'nice' day? And the rest of the week you're mean?"
Me: "Exactly. I'm terrible. In fact, we would never work out. I'm sorry," and hold my hands out between us and do a half-step back whilst turning away. Push pull is the name of the game.
I also use meta-paces:
"Have you ever realized... how on sunny days like this one... in the evening, with the golden rays of light filling the city... you feel open... and relaxed? Like, who knows what could happen next!" Credit where credit is due, I got the idea for this last part from @Lofty you legend
"Yes, that's why I was taking a walk," she replies enthusiastically.
The push for the close:
"Hey, so I have a train to catch... but you seem like a very interesting person and we're having great conversation. We should grab a coffee together," I say.
"Oh, yes. No, I have a boyfriend," she says. No worries. St Gunwitch has my back.
"Ah, that's no problem. We can be friends!... And your boyfriend can make us breakfast in bed then," I reply after a pause.
She just stares at me with an unconscious smile. "That was sassy," she finally manages, looking flustered. "Yes, then why are you smiling?" I say with a knowing smile of my own.
"No, no, how about this: If we meet again, we'll do it," she tries.
"Meet again? No, don't you think we already met by chance right here? It was almost fate that brought us together," I say with immersive body language. In fact, most of this conversation I led with body language.
"Plus, don't you think we have a connection? I find you a very interesting person with a interesting way of thinking. Listen, we'll just go for a walk," I continue.
"Next time we meet we can do it. Zurich is small, after all," she says.
"No next time! We came together right now, right here. Don't you think you have to grab the opportunity life presents you?"
"No, you're doing very well. Very good. Don't take this personally," she says.
"Look, we'll go on a walk on this exact street," I point with my hands, "and it'll be another beautiful sunny Thursday evening where we can feel the warmth of the sun on our skin. It'll be totally harmless..."
"No, I'm going soon," she says. If she means out of the country, that would be perfect - because it creates urgency.
"Leaving Switzerland?" I inquire.
"No, not at all!" She laughs. "I like being here!"
Another small round of banter, after which I try again. She doesn't go for it.
"Ah, that is truly... heartbreaking," I act theatrically. "Fate presented us with this chance!"
Still nope.
I then try something I read somewhere recently.
"Lithuania, huh," I say after a pause. "If I knew anything, I'd say it in your language."
She says something.
"You know, tell me how to say: 'Hey, you're really handsome'," I tell her.
She says it. I notice the small shift in behavior as she does. I know because it what's been happening all conversation, as she gets drawn in...
"Yep, that sounds impossible to say. And aww, you flatter me!"
"You're good with conversation," she says again. "It's like practice." For some reason she's focused on practice.
Then she continues. "You probably know neuro-linguistic programming!"
HAHAHA. I'm thinking, I know it, but I sure as hell wish I could use it xD It's what I'm trying to learn, after all...
But of course I act like I have no clue what she just said. "Is that what you're doing to me?" is the furthest I will venture into it.
Well, I mention my time constraint again, persist one last time, we banter for a bit, and I finally tell her to tell me her name. "Oh, the most important question," she goes. But she says it immediately. HBLatvia.
"I'm Devilicous," I say with a smile.
"Oh, I should've known. You let it slip before," she says because I had deliberately said it when she teased me about being at the University I'm in for having no free time, and I was like "Yeah, I have friends that are like, Devilicious, do you want to go out and enjoy the weather? And I'm like, I wish!".
As a matter of fact, for the past 10 minutes she has become increasingly immersed into the interaction, and doesn't shift around and brush deeper questions off. Most noticeably, she looks at me with strong eye contact and this very interesting facial expression which I'd pin down as something between intrigue, uncertainty, and arousal.
She was standing rather far from me the entire time though, which isn't good either. Don't know what to do about that.
Well, I put out my hand, and she fidgets and shifts with her hands in her jacket, as if not wanting to do it but not wanting to let me down.
"Ah, wait, we do it differently nowadays, don't we," I smile, and move my hand in a slow, dramatic gesture as I flick something off near my face and look into the distance. It was a smoother save.
She repeatedly compliments me, saying I speak good and do 'this' really well. I brush it off of course and play coy.
But really, this is exactly what Gunwitch mentioned: If she says anything like 'you're an amazing guy' she can objectively see the value from, but still doesn't want anything (or objects in that manner), it means I lacked emotional immersion and stimulation.
But that was exactly what she was resisting, at least at the beginning, and I thought went well. Then again, I'm a new learner at this, so what do I know xD
It was a rather long interaction in which I pushed myself in several ways. Awesome
It occurs to me that I could have tried going for an insta-date. I had a meeting later that night so it wasn't an option, but it never crossed my mind to even think of it. Something to remedy and try out in the future.
Girl 2: HBBlueEyes
Well dressed brunette walking in front of me on the way to the train station. She's walking fast so I can't do the 'overtake and notice her' approach, but I still want to meet her, so I tap her on the shoulder while coming up next to her and have her look at me first.
I spontaneously go for a RPO I was thinking of trying while walking there 5 minutes before, and of course again have to switch to English. She's from Russia... what's with all these Russian girls? (Girl before spoke Russian too lol).
"Hey, I have a VERY important question... it's something I just noticed, and wanted to get your thoughts on it," I say with a smile. It strikes me how incredible her deep blue eyes are as she stares into mine.
"Have you ever noticed how... walking along this deserted path... almost feels like a mini-adventure? Where you feel open... and relaxed? Does that make sense?"
It doesn't, but she wants me to elaborate. She's very sweet. Ok, second try.
"Well, have you ever walked through [old part of town]? Yes? With its narrow and winding paths... that randomly turn left or right... making you not sure where it will take you.... and it feels like a small adventure...?"
She starts thinking.
"Yes, I've noticed that... like walking through these quiet areas gives me a moment of peace to myself... where I can gather my thoughts and feel relaxed... and..."
She really gets it. I'm surprised by how much she's talking all of a sudden. Is she seducing herself? Let's find out...
I of course qualify on her being able to see the 'beauty of the moment' and 'small things in life'. She barely processes it and continues, changing into culture and how in Vienna, where she lived before, you could follow some path and all of a sudden end up in a beautiful garden with a view.
I shift it into SOT culture, but am still not very smooth at this. I have to practice this! I ask her what surprised her the most coming here, etc.
People walk around us but her eyes never leave mine...as we sink into an island of our creation.
Soon I gently nudge her because I have a train to catch.
"Do you do art?" she asks me out of nowhere, with squinted eyes and a cocked head.
"Ah, I wish! I do music for myself though. I play the piano. There is just something about it...what about yourself? You look like.. you might play the guitar."
She doesn't, but would love to play piano. Of course, she's Russian. I qualify on that and dig deeper.
Very soon I reach my way to the rail, but tell her it's very interesting talking to her and I'd love to continue this sometime over coffee or a walk. She agrees, and gives me her number. We part ways warmly.
It's interesting how she delivered all the material I wanted to by herself... I don't even know how much my qualifiers were processed. I wonder if I should just have shut my mouth, keep an interested smile and nod occasionally, while continuing giving her deep eye contact and occasional touch... and let her seduce herself. Fascinating.
Conclusion
What I did well
-Created a potential stack and practiced dry-run.
-Pushed myself to try new ways of opening
-Tried meta-paces in field
-Held strong eye contact
-Persisted in different ways
What I can improve
-Better, more immersive language overall - I can always strive for higher peaks
-Better, more prepared SOT immersion ready →Prepare and practice certain topics, and weave them into conversation for practice until I get it down! Then repeat process.
-Apparently, get better at emotional stimulation and re-framing. Have frames at the ready to fall back on.
-Rereading this, I notice I'm very banter-y and (almost) witty. The counterbalance I have is a strong focus on his powerful, immersive body language, where I lead her attention and emphasis with slow, deliberate hand gestures and body movement, as well as strong eye contact. I wonder if for this new style of immersion, whether I should dial banter down and try to use more immersion with SOT's...
Notice how strong your hooks were? It's a powerful feeling, isn't it?
To me, it seems that your emotional stimulation is well-developed. I don't think that was the issue with HBLatvia. You set some sexual frames, but what if you really dug deeply into them? Elicited her feelings, gave her chance after chance to prove herself, and kept transitioning her thoughts far, far away from her boyfriend?
I had a similar stage for months when I would hook and immerse, but things would fall short when push-came-to-shove. The difference-maker ended up being sexually-charged contrast framing and self-pointing (like when I talk about my "friend"), elicitations of sexual values, and sex talk. You already have the hang of a lot of advanced tech - don't be afraid to make further innovations into these areas of sexual arousal when working with your immersive SOTs.
-Rereading this, I notice I'm very banter-y and (almost) witty. The counterbalance I have is a strong focus on his powerful, immersive body language, where I lead her attention and emphasis with slow, deliberate hand gestures and body movement, as well as strong eye contact. I wonder if for this new style of immersion, whether I should dial banter down and try to use more immersion with SOT's...
To me, it seems that your emotional stimulation is well-developed. I don't think that was the issue with HBLatvia. You set some sexual frames, but what if you really dug deeply into them? Elicited her feelings, gave her chance after chance to prove herself, and kept transitioning her thoughts far, far away from her boyfriend?
I found this an especially insightful comment. This is directly showing me where to focus my efforts in learning. I honestly feel like a complete beginner at this, tip-toeing my way into these exciting new waters.
The thing I'm discovering the most is how much preparation ties into this. For instance, let's look at giving her the chance to prove herself. How to learn to do this? I gather this means writing down what values and desires she could have... and how I'd re-frame it so she has the opportunity... to show and demonstrate it. And then practicing weaving it into conversation until it becomes subconscious... and moving on to the next skill.
There is so much to learn one could get dizzy from thinking about it. So, baby steps!
I had a similar stage for months when I would hook and immerse, but things would fall short when push-came-to-shove. The difference-maker ended up being sexually-charged contrast framing and self-pointing (like when I talk about my "friend"), elicitations of sexual values, and sex talk. You already have the hang of a lot of advanced tech - don't be afraid to make further innovations into these areas of sexual arousal when working with your immersive SOTs.
Very interesting. First, great to see how you found a way to break to a new level! And second, why do you think this made the difference?
I spent some time thinking about this. I assume it adds the extra oomph and immersive power as the third key that's needed to tip things in your favour. Like, she can resist being emotionally stimulated and having the social-frame approval, but not if she adds getting too horny in the mix? Haha now that's interesting.
I did indeed see that. His main reason seems to be that you can be doing better by doing immersion rather than banter... which seems to be working more than fine for you
Gun himself seems to joke around a lot though, but I don't know what he does in field. I guess I'll ask him on Sunday...
So, I'll be working on adding immersion SOT's and sex talk gambits (I made a new friend JADA LISA that girls will be hearing about ^^) into my conversation structure piece by piece.
Thanks again, and I look forwards to seeing more of your exploits
The thing I'm discovering the most is how much preparation ties into this. For instance, let's look at giving her the chance to prove herself. How to learn to do this? I gather this means writing down what values and desires she could have... and how I'd re-frame it so she has the opportunity... to show and demonstrate it. And then practicing weaving it into conversation until it becomes subconscious... and moving on to the next skill.
I did indeed see that. His main reason seems to be that you can be doing better by doing immersion rather than banter... which seems to be working more than fine for you
Gun himself seems to joke around a lot though, but I don't know what he does in field. I guess I'll ask him on Sunday...
Now there are different ways to fulfill each of the three keys, and each seducer has their own way of doing it. Being witty was not all that congruent with what I was trying to do, so it was pretty much grinding the seduction to a screeching halt. And even if wit was a bigger part of my personality before, well, it's not as much now.
Gun has his "gift of gab," and he can easily transition topics, building and building all of the three keys. While I know he occasionally uses humor for things like emotional simulation and excusing the entrance of sexual themes, he also is heavily sexually subcommunicating with deep eye contact. Definitely seek Gun's wizardly guidance for any clarifications about all and everything seduction.
Basically remember that the idea of a singular "identity" is an illusion. This is something that I'm working on as well - the cultivation of multiple selves. So while certain things were like a square peg in a round hole with me, there are endless possibilities of what can be accomplished if we keep our minds open and curious.
Easter Monday. City is far emptier than usual. It's a semi-cloudy, windy day - my favorite.
Warm-up approach: Compliment girl for her hair being majestic in the wind. Happy response.
Girl 1: Suitcase Rush
Beautiful blonde with a suitcase.
"Excuse me... I have a VERY important question for you," I open. She stops and looks at me.
"But first... would you consider yourself an open person?" I act as if I legitimately am unsure whether she's what I need for this very important thing.
"I am," she qualifies, "but I'm really in a hurry!" She looks uncomfortable because of it.
"Oh, I understand completely. We all have places to be. Well, have you ever realized..."
Have you ever realized... how when the city is almost empty like days as today... it feels like you have the entire city for yourself? And it makes you feel... open... and adventurous?
She's like, "Hmm... wow, yes! And the city is so much more beautiful when there are less people," she opens up.
But she really is in a hurry, and is going home I find out. I point to her suitcase, "Now that's a shame. And here I thought you were leaving to the Bahamas..." she laughs.
I let her go without closing because going from RPO to coffee date seems incongruous. But what I should do instead is say:
"Hey, you seem like an interesting person. I like your perspective on these hidden beauties in life few people can really stop to admire. Here, let's exchange numbers, and we can continue talking sometime when you're back from your Bahamas tanning session?"
The actual conversation seems short now that I think of it, but it was far longer in person with all the pauses and nonverbal communication going on.
Girl 2: 10feet away
Walking in my direction. I open with the same attention grab.
She keeps walking as she turns slowly. This means that when she's turned enough that further walking is impossible, she's rather far away from me...
I tell her I need her perspective on something.
"Oh, what is it?" She says with a smile, still far away.
I laugh. "Well, come a bit closer first!" I try, but she keeps her smile and doesn't move.
"Oh, wait, safety distance!" I react and take a step back myself, wait a moment, and go back to lean against the wall now.
I do the same Empty City RPO and she thinks about it and says,
"Well, maybe if you play video games all day." Oof!
"Hahaha what? You're saying only people who play video games all day think like that?" I ask in genuine confusion and amusion. "Maybe," she says.
I can't help but laugh.
"Well, you look like you might play them yourself," I go, and she keeps her smile. "Nope, never tried!"
"But I bet you'd love to," I shoot.
Here it would've been perfect to do a cold read about her, and continue from there.
What I do instead:
"Well, good thing I'm not a gamer. My feelings would be hurt," I act in mock heartbreak.
A small pause sets in.
"Well, is that all?" She asks.
"Haha well, yes, I wanted to get your perspective on that. Very interesting views you have."
We continue our ways. Never had a girl respond like that. How amusing.
But it strikes me especially how powerful the attention grab is. It can make a woman like her stop and listen to what I have to say, even if they had no intention to stop before! It's like they walk, in this case see me (since I was walking in her direction) smile at her and open, have all intentions to continue walking without looking at me, until the words process in their heads and it comes to a rapid shift where they do, now, stop and listen curiously.
Girl 3: Mountain climber
I'm sitting on a small monument pedastal, deciding to stay in this spot for a moment.
Tanned girl in sunglasses and windproof sports pants walks past. I smile at her and get a smile back.
"Hey", I say, but her head is turned.
"Hey, you!' I say louder. She notices and turns. I make a come-hither motion with my hand.
"Come here for a second." She does
"I have a VERY important question for you... are you from the area?"
"I am!," she says.
"Ah, interesting.I thought so because of the... comfortable way you walk. It's as if you're... at peace... with the environment."
She's visibly surprised.
"That's so true!" She exclaims. There's a small pause.
"And have you ever realized..."
I do the RPO I came up with that day which I personally like a lot:
Have you ever realized... how when the city is almost empty like days as today... it feels like you have the entire city for yourself? And it makes you feel... open... and adventurous?
She's like, omg, yes! Shows intrigued body language, stares at me with an intense curious look and cocked head.
Another small pause.
I ask her whether she's going anywhere interesting.
"I'm going on a walk," she says. "What about you?"
"Ah, I bet you're the type of person that enjoys going out... and on adventures."
"Very perceptive! I like going mountain climbing. I climbed Matterhorn!" She says.
I look her up. "No way you did," I say with a skeptical yet teasing look.
"Sure did," is the reply.
"Hmm. Do you have pictures?" I go.
"I do, but I don't need to show them," she replies sassily.
Here, I should've injected more emotion. I wanted to make her qualify by acting skeptical, but there were more options upon considering:
Sceptical, get her to show pictures
Intrigued, get her to show pictures because I'm very interested, while talking about SOT beautiful view, outside activity, sense of achievement
Don't ask to see pictures at all and just do above mentioned SOT's.
"I've been here for a year. I came from New York"
"Ah, what brought you here?" I ask. Get your diving masks!
"Love," she says briefly. Ehm...
"Haha, nice. Well, what suprised you the most coming here?"
It's the lake.
"Ah, so you came here, went to the lake, felt the timeless beauty, and fell in love with it?"
"Yep" she cocks her head. "Well, I need to meet my husband, but it was nice meeting you!" Off she goes, slowly.
Girl 4: Lonely London Girl
Walking down the stairs to get to my rail, super cute greatly dressed darker skinned girl coming up. She has one of the wine-red elegant coats on that hugs her form perfectly.
My mind goes blank. I revert back to the instincts my forefathers gave me - and open direct. Soon have to switch to English. "You're the best-dressed girl I've seen all day." With strong body language and sexy smile. She giggles excitedly. "I should've brought my sunglasses."
Quickly follow up where she's from (London), what brought her here (work and nature), cold reads on her enjoying peace and quiet and is the type of person that can appreciate the beauty of nature...
We're still standing in the middle of the stairs, so we go up and I take off my mask. Continue bantering and deep diving, and try the 'I bet you have many acquaintances, but only very few close friends," which isn't the best, because she was obviously shyer and lonely (literally told me so hahaha - hardest part about coming to Switzerland is that everyone seems so closed off). I throw in a safety frame there when she asks me where I'm from by saying "Long story, but essentially grew up here - in this direction actually," and gesture with my arm. So she feels more secure.
I time-constraint because my train literally will arrive soon, but tell her we should grab coffee soon.
"Sure!" She says, and I take out my phone. I quickly ask whether she's 'super busy' or not. She can make time, it seems.
She starts putting in her name and number. "Oh, I don't even know your name yet! What're you called?" She asks.
"Oh, I'm Devilicous. Nice to meet you...".
At this point my train arrives. I point at it, tell her 'that's literally my train - but nice meeting you, see you soon' and she blushes and waves me goodbye.
And then I sprint to catch the train. Hahaha. Need to go through the underground passage underneath other rails for it, too.
Texting; Me: Hey [Name], this is Devilicous - nice meeting you today! Her: Hey Devilicious, it was lovely meeting you too!
On that side note, this type of icebreaker text is terrible for phone numbers gotten off indirect. The HBBlueEyes girl I texted something similar, and she never responded - upon thinking it, duh!
Should've gone: 'Hey, this is [Name]'.
Stay casual!
Then get reply, and start comparing schedules.
Conclusion
What I did well
-Practiced my attention grabs, and followed it up with the RPO and rainbow ruse.
-I had put time into thinking about progression and created a potential stack that flows from RPO→Rainbow Ruse about friends→Speaking of friends, my friend LISA...
Unfortunately didn't get to try it out so far yet. But no worries! And here's the better progression:
RPO→Rainbow Ruse about friends, connections→SOT new connections, different types of ways you get to know someone deeply→My friend LISA
The rainbow ruse:
Hey, you look like the type of person that puts up walls around her and doesn't let people come close... and perhaps others think you're closed off... but really, it's just a reflex, and once you DO let someone 'in', you can make very deep and great connections. I bet you're an amazing friend to have...
What I can improve
-EYE CONTACT. Realized I was so focused on delivering that didn't have great, intense eye contact. So focus on that!
-Get closer, naturally. The issue with moving targets is that if I'm stationary, and open as she gets closer or is near me, it takes a few moments for her to stop. Then she's standing a bit far away, and as I lock myself in, it's unlikely for her to come closer by herself. So I have to make an effort on getting her closer or getting closer to her, naturally. Two ways of doing this:
Telling her directly to come closer. Higher risk
Slowly, with my body not facing hers, 'wander' slowly closer to her so it's inconspicuous. I can always lock in if possible in a spot closer to her. Great idea from @Skippy
-Launch into an SOT after the rainbow ruse and get her engaged in it. Because what currently happens is me going up to that point, but then going for some deep dive like 'where are you from'. Fine and all, but if she's in a hurry or not that engaged yet, this is where she'll probably eject. So, get her talking about the SOT, or if I have to deep dive go for the Golden Question if it's possible.
-Approach even on busy street! I tend to veer on the edge of hesitation in busier streets, because it feels like singling out a girl just to ask 'where she's from...'is incongruous, but actually, if you continue like normal with the 'ah, I thought so because...' it can make her feel special. There's a reason why I singled out her - it's because she has such a peculiar and unique vibe...
-Change my 'caught in the moment' opener of going direct to either, 'Do you know who you look exactly like?' or 'Are you from the area?' with an attention grab. And if she rushed off ahead of me before I can do anything, and I absolutely HAVE to meet her, well, run after her and open with one of these two options anyway. Nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
Nice to see you brother. Great that you're going out and improving as well
RPO's can seem daunting at first, I agree. In fact, I'm still in the process of learning this powerful new technique myself.
But it's actually not as hard as it looks.
If I were you, I'd think of the situation you'd use it in. Is it outside on the streets? Or in grocery stores?
Wherever you intend on using them, sit down and spend some time thinking about one (1) RPO you could try in that situation. Don't make it anything crazy, just remember:
1) Start with: "Hey, have you ever noticed..."
2) Continue with some observation about the environment. "When it's really sunny outside"
3) Have one or two words as punchlines. I currently like to use 'adventurous' and 'open', for example. Then just say, "it makes you feel [punchline words]".
So, putting it together:
"(1) Hey, have you ever noticed... (2) how when it's really sunny outside... (3) it just makes you feel open and adventurous?"
You see, very easy to do. So write one down, and practice it several times out aloud until you get the hand of it.
Then, you go out and try it! Since you have it prepared you only need to spit it out in the moment, which greatly helps with AA.
The beautiful thing is that you can start simple like this example, and then work your way up in complexity. Just read any of Bacchus's RPO's... they're compelling, verbally-rich versions that are impossible to start off with if you're trying to learn this... but prime reference material and direction to work towards.
Nice to see you brother. Great that you're going out and improving as well
RPO's can seem daunting at first, I agree. In fact, I'm still in the process of learning this powerful new technique myself.
But it's actually not as hard as it looks.
If I were you, I'd think of the situation you'd use it in. Is it outside on the streets? Or in grocery stores?
Wherever you intend on using them, sit down and spend some time thinking about one (1) RPO you could try in that situation. Don't make it anything crazy, just remember:
1) Start with: "Hey, have you ever noticed..."
2) Continue with some observation about the environment. "When it's really sunny outside"
3) Have one or two words as punchlines. I currently like to use 'adventurous' and 'open', for example. Then just say, "it makes you feel [punchline words]".
So, putting it together:
"(1) Hey, have you ever noticed... (2) how when it's really sunny outside... (3) it just makes you feel open and adventurous?"
You see, very easy to do. So write one down, and practice it several times out aloud until you get the hand of it.
Then, you go out and try it! Since you have it prepared you only need to spit it out in the moment, which greatly helps with AA.
The beautiful thing is that you can start simple like this example, and then work your way up in complexity. Just read any of Bacchus's RPO's... they're compelling, verbally-rich versions that are impossible to start off with if you're trying to learn this... but prime reference material and direction to work towards.
Waking up and taking the first look outside - and the world has changed colors. A layer of snow covers everything...
You might remember me walking around in a t-shirt last week at 20 degrees Celsius. Now, only a few days later, it is negative four...
It's lightly snowing as I leave the house, and I create an RPO based on that.
Have you ever noticed... how when it snows gently over a landscape or city... with the cold tingling of the snow against your skin... and the city changing colors... it makes you feel open... and alive?
Unfortunately, when I finish studying and go out for some approaches, the snowing has stopped. But the cold, biting wind has stayed...
Girl 1: Asian Cyclist
This one was in the morning. She's getting off her bike at Uni.
"Cycling even though it's snowing? That's brave," I say.
We banter and part ways. Of course, I kick myself.
Next time, should add Rainbow Ruse about her liking to go outside on adventure; then potentially SOT adventure, get her talking about hers.
Or, if that fails, add a "You look like you enjoy doing a sport... let me guess, something outside?" And then elicit values from there.
Girl 2: Aargau Girl
I open with 'are you from the area' opener.
She's like, no, why?
"Well, you have a very... curious way of walking, as if you're taking in everything around you. Does that make sense?"
She giggles.
"No, but it doesn't have to!"
I smile at her. "I love how you can think like that. It's something rare these days."
Actually, while delivering first part, I kinda search for the right words in German and it's noticeable. I use this to interest-bait twice. She doesn't bite.
Well, get her to tell me where she's from. It's a Canton known for their terrible car drivers, so I tease on that.
Very quickly get to what brought her here, why she studies what she does, diving deeper into her passion for it... (she studies something societal, but can't bear to actually work there because reality is so different from the utopia) and when she goes a bit too far into details on why the change she wants is necessary I guide it back with a qualifier ("So, you saw something that you thought you wanted to and could change... and you followed your passion to do it") Which brings it back to a better track. I make a cold read about adventurousness, and she says she isn't very adventurous but would like to be.
"I bet in your mind you have the wildest adventures that most people couldn't imagine," I say. She giggles and agrees, with a look of 'oh, you have no idea!'
Well, soon she says she has a train to catch (that's my line!), and I say she has interesting views and I enjoy talking to her - we should grab coffee sometime.
She doesn't bite. "We'll see if we meet each other again," the same dumb excuse I've heard before. "Look, this is pretty spontaneous for me too," I say. "But isn't it amazing when we get chances like this?"
"No, I'm not a very spontaneous person," she says. "Ah, but you said you'd like to be! This is the perfect chance!"
I persist a bit ("We'll walk down this exact street") but she doesn't go for it. Oh well.
It's not a good thing for me to have to persist so much at the end for the frame. This means I need deeper immersion and hooking.
Girl 3
Cute woman in brown coat walking my way.
I open with the attention grab and am again amazed by how well it works. Also it strikes me that she is far more beautiful than it appeared from afar.
Then continued with, "are you from the area?"
Her: "Uhh... I'm here when going to work, yes..."
Me: "Ah, I thought so... because you have a comfortable way of walking, as if you're at peace with the area."
I find out she's been here for 6 years.
"Hmm... you look like someone... who would like to do something social... but is currently doing something else."
She beams at me.
"Actually, I AM doing something social!..."
She works at a hospital, department food and nutrition. She's really passionate about it.
I dig deeper.
"Interesting... what exactly is it you like the most about it?" And then she tells me it's being able to help people. And the sense of accomplishment she gets from putting smiles on their faces and lighting up their day.
I somewhat reiterate what she said back to her. Could've done it more elaborately.
One very important thing to mention is that at all moments I had to quench down my urge to go into banter. In fact, I kept my voice smooth, soothing and slow, taking reference to how Bacchus sounds in his podcasts.
I do this upon deep refection while walking after the last approach. When I think back to the last 10 girls that seemed promising but then ultimately ejected, and I think of what I was last doing before it happened (excluding those that were in a rush) - I came to a startling conclusion.
Every time, I had gone into banter. Of some form.
It could be as simple as a small tease. It would make the girls almost visibly snap out of it, and soon eject.
This made me realize that just reducing banter wasn't enough. I had to drop it entirely. At least to see the difference it makes...
I actually feel kind of stupid it took me this long. @Lofty was the catalyst to make me question this aspect of my game. I still struggle to drop this entire cultivated aspect entirely, but if it's what it takes, it's what it takes.
The only worry I have is ending up boring. That shouldn't happen if I run the 3 keys properly, but there's some part of the back of my mind that screams 'it's what got you laid before! That's my way of getting girls!' because up to now the combination of deep diving and chase framing is indeed what gets me some measure of success.
But even there I'm by no means an expert. I'm actually happy, because it means I can switch to this new, more powerful form of seduction that actually gives you influence and control, rather than rely on receptivity and numbers game alone. It works, obviously, and there are masters at it certainly. But the masters of immersion are just so insane that you can't help but yearn to work to reach their level...
Oh, back to the girl. She wants to enter a shop before it closes, and I tell her she's an interesting person with interesting perspectives. We should continue this conversation sometime...
She agrees, and at first tells me to find her on LinkedIn. I'm like, what, I'll never find out there. Here, let's exchange numbers instead.
It works.
I remember my lesson from before and text her super casual.
"Hey [name], this is Devilicious"
No reply. Was that too casual?
Outing 3 (8.04)
Girl 1:
Relentless pragmatism.
This is what makes me realize I can also open girls I'm lukewarm about - but are in situations I'd like to practice. So I do just that.
First girl is an Asian woman walking really confidently. Her butt was swaying accordingly. I open with the 'area' opener and I have her stop, but then continue walking once it becomes apparent she's really in a rush.
I practice SOT travel and culture. It becomes apparent I need to have a better plan. Currently, I list and contrast once or twice... and then what else is there to say?
My thoughts on remedies:
Make it longer, more verbose, more descriptive
Have her share her perspective and maybe stories about it. But what if she doesn't speak much? Then you have your own stories prepared!
Use it as a launching pad for a sex talk gambit (e.g. my friend LISA).
Girl 2: HBSpiritualMilf
I decide to try a new path in old town and find a really relaxing, open, and nearly spiritual place. There's a round bench surrounding a lush tree. The large church ahead tells me who financed this entire thing.
There's a cute petite woman sitting on the bench somewhat facing me. I sit sown diagonally next to her and check out my phone and take in the warm vibe as I think about a good RPO.
"Hey," I start after a small amount of time. She looks over. "Have you ever noticed... how a relaxing, warm spot like this one... takes your mind to different places... and makes you feel open... and relaxed?"
I make an extra effort on keeping my voice slow and deliberate.
"Yes... that's why I'm here! It's a place to refuel strength".
I get the feeling she's talking about the Church. No need to dig into that direction. I'm no pastor spreading God's embrace, after all.
"Yeah, that's great to see you being able to appreciate it. It's something you don't see often these days..."
She tells me she's been here for a long time already, and asks where I'm from.
We fall into deeper conversation. I elicit values again when I cold read that she'd probably like to do something social... but does something else instead. The rationale behind it that if she agrees, I can ask what she'd rather do. And if she disagrees, I can find out what she does and dig deeper on that! Because if girls are into something social, they usually have a lot of passion for it and it's good material.
She says she does something social... but it's a matter of perspective. She's an architect.
"Interesting. Is it the use of creativity to make your plans into reality? Or... is it the joy of designing the perfect home people that will bring people joy and put smiles on their faces as they see it," I list.
"Hmm, it's about having the entire picture and having all the different areas come together. It feels like I'm giving them a service that most people wouldn't understand," she replies. I rehearse in back at her in a different from.
She knew she was going to do architecture since she was seven years old. I have plenty to qualify about that.
But, if she were to go back, she'd probably do medicine! Lol. But then she mentions her daughter does medicine now and disagrees that it's social. I'm surprised, she does not look old at all. She has held herself excellently.
One notable point is when she asks me, "Do you have lineage from South America?"
I am actually shocked. I am half Colombian, but you would NEVER guess it looking at white European me. Like, it's impossible to guess. Funnily enough, once they find out they attribute a lot of my behavior to it - when in reality it was me working on becoming more confident and assertive by myself.
I tell the girl how she's right, and she explains she thinks I have some facial features. She has the eye for detail and the small things. Oh man, what an eye it is. I qualify her on that.
Since I know she's waiting for a friend, I decide to move before the spell is broken. I get her name and she happily takes my hand when I offer it. I get up and start walking - still feeling her eyes linger on me.
My last words are a future-projection pacing to induce nostalgia with a small fitting joke at the end. It was about me walking in the future, seeing a beautiful, engaging house... that she must've designed... and then seeing some corner done poorly and thinking 'oh no, what is this'.
The entire interaction was very peaceful and deep. It was a combination of the environment and the immersion I was trying to run... at least I hope so!
I treat it entirely as practice. But I didn't run any sexual frames, which is a huge mistake. I only realized this after.
Girl 3: Nope
First time the attention grab fails. She's like, "nope", and continues walking at a brisk pace. Upon hindsight, I didn't smile and my voice was neither immersive nor engaging . Both big no-no's. The lesson here:
DON'T FORGET TO SMILE!
Analysis
What I did well:
-Pushed myself to practice these new openers
-Pushed myself to drop banter for the last ones
-Tried changing my voice tonality for better immersion
-Went out despite freezing to death
-Tried new situation for opening
-Good eye contact
What I can improve:
-Better idea of how to continue after rainbow ruse. I'm usually so focused on delivery of RPO or other opener that after that my mind draws a blank. And I go for something like 'where are you from', or 'you look like you do something social'.
Actually, now that I think of it, I always go down one of those two routes...
This means I might benefit from trying out as follows:
-Have a SOT prepared depending on the opener used, (only two options: RPO with ending 'openness and adventure/relaxation', or 'from the area'. This means having at least one introduction to the SOT (e.g. adventure: "Isn't it interesting... how an adventure can happen so spontaneously? And engage your entire mind and body, and before you know it, you're in the middle of something you'll remember for the rest of your life..." and then, if she doesn't engage or even if she does and I need something to fall back on, have a STORY ready "It reminds of the one time, I did this..." and how it made me feel. Or ask HER for a story where she felt she was on an adventure/whatever the SOT was about.
I struggle with this the most currently. Any insight is greatly appreciated!
-Better use of SOT's
-USE OF SEX TALK! I have the my friend LISA prepared, but haven't really gotten far enough to use it. Because after an SOT or elicitation of values, I just go on that thread which I'm more familiar with. I should try to use it right after such a moment by having a way to introduce it, depending on the SOT.
My current sexual key is just intense eye contact and speaking slowly and immersive (hopefully haha). But I'm still missing touch and closeness, so:
-Find solutions to girls being somewhat far away sometimes. I can't touch them and have the power of closeness... but 'shuffling' closer to them seems awkward. I actually practiced it in an empty room (pshh) while delivering my RPO and rainbow ruse, but it just felt weird... I'll have to try it in field and see how it goes. Hmm.
Outlook
Overall, I'm redeveloping my game entirely. I feel like I'm so slow. I clearly got great advice from Lofty about banter and sex talk, and only now am I truly thinking about it?? On the other hand, I attribute it to still having a strong focus on the opener and following rainbow ruse that I didn't figure out yet the best way to follow-up after and steer the conversation, because the transitions need to be natural. Or at least seem that way. And as the focus is on this part, the rest gets rather neglected and pushed to the future. Which actually makes perfect strategic sense.
Now that I'm sloooowly inching further into conversations, it becomes immediately obvious what the next sticking points are. Here is where the advice is like a surgeons needle right at the heart of the problem.
In the late morning after a meeting I go to the city. In the big train station I get off, I see an alluring form of a brunette walk in front of me. A thin waist leading into perfectly shaped ass and legs in tight darker blue jeans. She's pulling a big North Face bag and has a similar backpack.
"I want to meet her," I think.
The timing works perfectly when stairs come that slow her down. We reach the top at the exact same time.
"You look like you're going on an adventure," I say. She looks at me. "Haha, it sure seems so. But I'm only going to visit a friend!"
She's a lively, soft spoken girl.
"Ah, that's just too bad. And here I thought you'd be going off to the Bahamas... to feel the warm sun against your skin and hear the waves on the beach in the background..."
She hums in agreement and stares at me.
Here we stop at the stairs leading up to the tram lines.
"Tell you what. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go to?"
She pauses to think.
"Vietnam, I think. What about you?"
Curious. "That's interesting," I say, "Why Vietnam? Is it to experience the different culture... and immerse yourself into it? Or is it coming into contact... with the different mentality there?"
She fidgets around and beams at me.
"It's for the food!"
I think to myself, "Ahh, yes. I'll keep that in mind for the next time I list about travel."
To her I say: "Now that's great, I can totally relate. Just imagine yourself arriving there, going to the nearest food stall... and seeing the chef do his magic... and soon, you're biting into the most delicious spring rolls you've ever had that explode in taste in your mouth."
"Mmm, " she goes, "and what about you? Where would you go?"
I smile at her. "Me? I think I'd go everywhere at once, if I could. Go on adventure. But that's hard now. Actually, tell me: Once Corona is over, what is the first thing you'll do? What is it you miss the most..."
"Oh, I miss after-University events. There was this one grill party in Spring everyone from that year showed up..." she tells me a few things about that spot I've never heard of before.
I then elicit into what she studies (medicine) after she asks me what I study. I have her guess, she tries architecture... and I tell her it's hard, say what it is, and turn it back on her. I find out how she got into it, and whether she'd still do it in 20 years. I qualify on passion.
"Hey, I probably should keep going, but you seem like an interesting person with cool views... we should continue this conversation sometime," I time-constrain. She's like, "yes!" and then immediately acts unsure and flustered. Let me help you out, girl. "We can exchange numbers." "Sure!"
She asks me happily what my name is, and takes my hand enthusiastically when I present it. She puts in her number, and we part ways.
That was perhaps the smoothest interaction I've had so far. She was receptive, for sure, but great practice for listing and pacing and leading by painting pictures in her head.
I text her:
"Hey [Name], this is Devilicious Hope you caught that tram"
And she hasn't replied.
What am I doing wrong???
I'll be genuinely sad if I can't get her out again. Much more than that, how can I prevent this in the future?
Update: She answered, like 3h later! With a funny little story. Isn't it silly how I get the up-and-downs from this?
She asked me if I spontaneously had time on Sunday. I said yes, in the evening, and now we have a date. Sweet!
Girl 2: Slovakia girl
Walking down from Uni, there's a rather secret path going through a nice garden and house to get down. There's a girl standing at the start looking hesitant. I walk closer and ask her whether the path is open again.
She turns out to not speak German, so I switch to English. We walk down the path together. Since it's narrow, we walk very closely to each other and brush our bodies constantly...
Well, the path is closed. We go back up and take the transportation down. I lead her into the outside mini compartment. I practice contrast and listing, and eye contact. I let her go in the end because she's older than I thought. Maybe I should still practice getting her number and going out again, so I can practice dates and sex talk. She was cute enough I'd fuck her if it were convenient.
Girl 3: Lively
See her in her skirt with black stockings. Can't help myself. I catch up the where she was waiting at a stop sign and when she stops by the side, I do so too while looking at my phone.
I soon open with an RPO about the sunny evening. I deliver too quickly though.
She's very flattered, but obviously doesn't know how to proceed. I should've ignored her spluttering and jumped in with a rainbow ruse.
Instead, she tells me she's very impressed, but I'm too old for her. She takes off her sunglasses so I can take a better look. She looks like 28... turns out she's 33.
It actually kind of takes the wind out of my sails. She wasn't unreceptive, I just didn't know how to proceed after that objection. I soon move on.
Learnings: Just proceed as usual and run a rainbow ruse, some quick SOT and the 3 keys, then time constraint and get her number. She was waiting for someone, so I had to be quick.
In fact, just say, "oh, I thought we could be friends!" and proceed exactly the same.
Analysis
What I did well:
-Approached girls I desired
-Practiced contrasting, listing, pacing and leading
What I can improve:
-Better delivery of RPO
-Find better ways to open in busier streets. I'm such a chicken sometimes.
-Remember to set sexual frames early on! Barely touched upon this aspect so far
Outlook
I have a date today with the London girl, and the date with HBBackpack on Sunday evening.
I created a date strategy of where we can walk, sit down, and move a few times. What I want to try is more conscious use of fractionation. I have two sex talk gambits prepared. I'll lead up to one of them, deliver it, stay on it for a bit and then fractionate away. Then do the same for the next sex talk. Then hopefully pull to either hers or to Uni, where I can enter and find a comfortable, isolated place inside (there's no one there on a Saturday evening) and go for semi-public sex. For this I'll need to get her super aroused, and the gambits will be a HUGE help here.
Or even just seed for the next date to be at hers... we'll see.
Here's what I have planned for the date:
To practice
Fractionation
3 keys: Social frame, emotional stimulation, sexual arousal
Social frame: Play people watching game. And fuck/marry/kill
Sex talk: Try sex gambits!
My friend Lisa → Secret House Gambit
Easy Friend → Unfair gambit, purity gambit
Idea Place and Movement
Meet [train station]
Walk around, go to lake, find spot to sit down
Move a few times to different spots
Walk through [old town with small, charming alleys]
(Get some Glühwein?)
Pull to hers or Uni
Pull
Pull to ideally hers.
Otherwise: Either seed next date at hers, or:
Get her to 'warm up' inside at [University building name] or [Uni building name]. Find open room, or go down [Uni building name] to wardrobe and escalate there
Last week I was busy with an important academic presentation, so only a few approaches that didn't go anywhere. Let's jump into this week.
Week 19.04
Outing 1 (19.04)
Sunny, golden evening. Was freezing in the morning, it's ok now. I'm dressed to the nines - blue coat, purple scarf, leather gloves and my hair is great.
I reviewed my stack a few times before going out, because I found it helps immensely with approaching with less hesitation.
Have you ever noticed how... when you get off work or finished studying... and you have the feeling that now you can spend time doing what YOU truly enjoy... that it makes you feel open... and free? Does that make sense?
You look like someone who likes to go outside on adventure... but also has times where you just want to stay inside, relax, and gather energy again.
Then I have the perfect transition into the Golden Question "What do you enjoy doing in your free time?" With a weasel phrase introducing it.
Girl 1: Blondie
Finish studying, decide to walk down from Uni. See a cute blonde with a FFP2 mask on. She turns to walk another way that still faces the way I'm coming from. I decide to go for it anyway.
I 'call' her attention and tell her I have a very important question for her - I need an open perspective. Is she an open person? And then I give her a semi-sceptical look with an eyebrow raised. It's an attention-grab variation I'm trying out.
The response is her going "Mmmmmmm", shifting back and forth.
"Well, I'm sure you are. But first, come a bit closer, so I can hear you talk," I say. Because she's still standing along the other path, 5 meters away.
"No, I can't because of Corona," she says.
I open my mouth. I'm a second away from going into a "Oh, yes. In fact you should better go all the way back over there (point), to be safe!"
À là take her objection, exaggerate it so far even she disagrees, to make light of it.
But wait! If I do that, there's no way she'll get immersed. So I shut my mouth again.
I'm very sure she saw me almost make a joke, but hold back. The meaning comes across. Humour.
I wave it off and launch into my RPO Get off Work. I speak slowly and deliberately, and my hands paint a picture as well.
She brushes her hair twice and stares at me.
But, when I do the rainbow ruse, she goes:
"I don't have to explain myself!" Still equally flustered as before, "I have to go to the library!"
She turns around to continue walking.
Me internally: "???"
The most confusing part was that her body language was telling me one thing, but what came out of her mouth was something else...
Next time I can try and persist. "Library still doesn't close, right? Just stay 2 minutes. You seem like an interesting person. I need your advice... not for me, but for my friend LISA..."
Girl 2: HB_S
Almost right after blondie. She saw me say goodbye to her actually, and we both turn to these stairs going down.
Midway through, she stops ahead of me and slips off a shoe - her sock rolled up halfway and her entire heel was exposed.
I smile.
"Ah, happens to me too," I say casually as I get beside her. "But it never got rolled down THAT far. Admirable how long you held out."
She giggles. "Ahh yes, it's because of these short socks! I thought of doing it when I reached the bottom of the stairs, but it got too far."
"Well, but these socks are fashionable. Just goes to show you have a good eye for fashion," I say, "I know who I'll go to if I need fashion advice."
She beams at me.
We reach the bottom of the stairs.
"Since you have a good eye for this. Tell me one thing you like about me," I say with a smirk as we stop.
She smiles and looks me up.
"I like your shoes," she says. "And your gloves. Aren't you warm?"
"Ah, I always have cold hands," I reply.
"Really? So do I!" She exclaims.
I have her give me her hand and hold it to 'verify'. Our fingers are about equal temperature.
I ask whether she studies here, what it is (*** and communication - I don't get the first part. It's marketing essentially), and why she got into it. She enjoys doing it.
"Is it reaching out to people to help them? Or is it learning how to reach and influence people," I try.
"It's because I can be... creative. I enjoy it," she says.
I qualify her on creativity.
"Do you draw?" I then ask with a quizzical look.
"Occasionally, I like to draw portraits. Nothing fancy though!" She says.
I nod with a smile and deep eye contact.
"That's great to see. Sometimes, when I see an especially beautiful landscape or moment, I wish I could just... sit down, right then and there, and draw it. I can't draw - I play the piano [Interest bait] - but it's about... feeling the scenery, the moment... embracing it... and putting it down on paper." These are my true thoughts.
She just nods in fascination.
"In fact, let me ask you this... have you noticed how with photographs, it's never about the picture itself? It's about the moment it captures which bring back the emotions you were feeling in the moment. As you recall how you felt, what you were doing, the moment captured..."
Her: "Omg yes!!!" Nodding heavily with an unconscious large, soft smile.
Then she asks: "You play the piano? I always wanted to!"
It's because she likes the sound of it.
I qualify her and add a spin to it.
"Great to see you like to try out new things, and are open to adventures and new experiences..."
Basically me qualifying her on something she values and adding my extra attribute ('openness') to it. Because disagreeing with one would mean disagreeing with the other as well, right? Sneaky. I've been doing this more recently and it seems to be helping.
A few moments after that high note I put a false time-constraint, and tell her we should continue this conversation sometime since she seems like an interesting person. We exchange numbers and I do a brief logistics check that she'll be here. She will.
Girl 3: Curly Hair
Testing a new spot which seems very promising behind the train station, next to an open place and the small path leading to the main street which has to cross a large bridge over the river.
See her coming from afar and don't look at her until she's within range. Then I 'notice her' and beckon her over because I have a VERY important question for her. But I need an open perspective for this... is she an open person?
She's like, mmmmm, not really, no... (This question seems to be hit or miss actually) but I reassure her I have faith in her.
I deliver the RPO and then the rainbow ruse, but halfway through the rainbow ruse she's like "oh, no, but thanks!" and continues walking. The delivery was rather suboptimal, I didn't use my voice in the most powerful way.
I also need to hold better eye contact. And saying the rainbow ruse (RR), I introduced it by acting as if I had noticed something extra about her. But I felt the RR is almost too obviously false. Is it because I'm cold reading a behavior, and not a personality trait? Or was it the suboptimal delivery and her non-engagement?
Girl 4: Dog with pink clothing
Walks past with a small dog on a leash, except the leash is kept in place with this pink silky lingerie-lookalike cloth wrapped around the poor creature.
"How cute," I say looking at the dog with a smile. "Pink suits him!"
She turns around and beams. "It does?!"
"Yes, of course, " I say, "Just goes to show you have good taste".
I let her go soon after that as I'm not that interested.
If it's a girl I want to continue with, I'll just wave her back with an 'important question', or just continue talking naturally after feeding her ego.
Girl 5: Electric Stairs
Back in the train station in the well-lit underground section made out of marble, I stop and watch the people pass me. Some cute girls included. I'm getting a feel for the environment and strategizing in my mind on how I would open. The path narrows a bit towards the end, so leaning there and just waving the girls walking past that are close enough and having an RPO of standing in a train station, watching people swarm past, giving you a sense of anonymity and freedom... qualifying her about her open-mindedness and sense of adventure... and then ask if they're going anywhere interesting.
Well, as I am standing and observing peacefully, a kick comes from behind me towards the back of my knee. My leg doesn't buckle much, but I am surrounded by the giggling laughter of a girl I know from Uni.
"You!" I say while playfully slapping her head. I have a brief moment of relief - thank god she didn't see me approach!
After a bit of banter she rushes off again. I walk towards my rail.
A cute girl is walking slowly next to me, and I'm planning on how to open. Timing doesn't work out but we go to the electric stairs going down, I tap her shoulder half-way and ask her if she's from the area... she is.
"Ah, I thought so, because you have a very comfortable way of walking... as if you're at peace with the environment."
I then ask her if she went to a high school here. She didn't, she did an apprenticeship... as carpenter. She has a surprising passion for it. My rich descriptions are a bit lacking, unfortunately.
In the moment I actually don't know really how to best continue the conversation. But use my rainbow ruse, and then transition into golden question. If she's not talkative, paint immersive pictures about an SOT, and try my friend LISA... which I haven't really gotten to trying during actual approaches. Hmm.
Conclusions
What I did well
-Scouted new spots to open
-Practiced opening and immersing
-Tried feeding her ego after noticing @Lofty doing it. Just praise her for something other than her looks, and watch her eat it up! I'm still doing it in modest moderation, but I like the idea of it. Get her feeling good, tie those feelings to yourself... and then, everything else you qualify her on and want her to do means her sticking to that great persona you built her up to be... as saying no would be saying no to that...
What I can improve
- I'll drop the "Are you an open person?" before the RPO as it seems hit or miss. I find that if the girl goes YES! it's a good thing and the following material will hit better, but if she's like 'meeeh not really' then she most likely won't stick around after the rainbow ruse.
-As for the rainbow ruse itself, I'll judge by how she receives the RPO. If she's nodding and agreeing and I see her get into it, I'll do the normal, two-hit ruse (You like outdoor stuff... BUT also have moments where you want to stay inside). If she doesn't seem very convinced, I'll shorten it into just the 'You like outdoor stuff' cold read. Less risk that way.
-Lacking sexual key. Speak slower, more intense sexual state projection and subcommunication, or start really working on integrating a sex frame early on. I've been focusing on opening and hooking, and this would come right after I imagine.
-I'm getting the feeling I'm focusing too much on 'eliciting values' aka deep diving. Would I do better if I elicited a bit, and then spun an SOT and ego feeding off that? What I don't know whether ego feeding is something that helps get to the hook, or is rather an element you use AFTER she's hooked and open... I'd think it's the latter. Hmm.
Then this means to hook better, I need to deliver my RPO/opener and rainbow ruse with better, slower delivery, and more intense sexual subcommunication. Then e.g. golden question, take the answer and use contrasting and listing to deeply elicit feelings attached to it... expound on it*... and then move it to a sexual frame.
*Another VERY important question. Say you find out she likes ballet. Then you use contrasting and listing ("Is it this feeling... or this... or this feeling...?") and she'll say it's one of those or multiple. Well, then you expound upon it in a few sentences.
For instance, repeat what her answer is, and then add some more details and paint the picture with richer descriptions. And elaborate on the feeling, what led up to it, thinking back about it, whatever you can manage.
And then, if you see a transition, you move it towards a sexual frame, or barring that to another related SOT. Perhaps relate to it by saying 'you feel this way when...' and then sharing some passion of yours that you know how to lead towards a sex frame.
This is how it would look like:
Me: "So, if I were to ask you... what is one thing you really enjoy doing in your free time... what would you say?"
Her: "Oh, good question. Hmm, I like ballet."
Me: "Interesting. Is it... the expression of your body, the sense of creating art with your movements? Or is it the exhilaration of performing in front of an audience, hearing the roar of applause after a successful performance... or is it the sense of freedom you get while dancing, an outlet in your life... where you can just let loose... and feel free?"
Her:Staring deeply "For me, it's about moving my body, getting a sense of freedom..."
Me: "Getting a sense of freedom... very interesting. So, you imagine yourself right now on stage doing ballet. For you, it's about feeling the way your body moves... feeling the way the music and choreography guides you into flowing gestures... as you FEEL free to just... be yourself in the moment. No pressure, no outside influences, just the TRUE YOU feeling the joy of the moment..."
Her:Yes
Variation Direct Route
Me: "And you know... what else is very similar to this?"
Her: "What?"
Me: "Well... sex! Because..." and then launch into some sex talk gambit.
Variation Transition Route
Me: "And do you know... where else you feel this way?"
Her: "Where?"
Me: "Well, for me, it is when I make music. Because..." and then into some prepared SOT Music where I know exactly how to transition in a similar way to Variation Direct Route into sex talk.
Haha, I introduced it as a question but solved it myself. The magic of writing field reports and analyzing after is truly surprising. The question was: I do listing (which is usually cut short after the first or second option with her interjection of agreement or answer), and then say a short qualifier and sentences about the SOT, but I see no way how to dig deeper. And thus I continue with my deep diving. But now I found a path myself to work towards
But I can write it down, but it takes work to be able to do it in field. Guess I'll have to start focusing on expanding the SOT, and have the transition via music or something prepared. And what sex gambit to use? I was thinking just going into sex as letting go and feeling free (which would be GOOD sex)... and then the female submission gambit.
Outlook
All in all, I'm going out, taking action, and thinking about my shortcomings and ways to improve. There's a strong focus on opening and hooking, which means I'm not so far where I can try out the juicy things. Or at the very least, I'm not confident enough in transitions to get to material like, say, my friend LISA gambit and so on. Which means I need to put a focus on that once I feel confident in the step before of opening.
For the 'After Work' RPO I didn't get that great results. One big part was because delivery was not spoken smooth and slowly. But it got me really in doubt if there was another reason, and plunged me into deep thoughts about what would be different.
If you analyze it, an RPO consists of pacing and leading. You pace with two sentences that are essentially facts (E.g. "You walk through the city, it is sunny") as the pacing. Then, the leading element of what you want to evoke ("You feel... open and adventurous").
The 'After Work' RPO seems to fulfill this structure, but maybe the pacing has to be strengthened for easier transition into leading and evoking.
She's waiting for the tram, walking around. I walk past, 'notice' her, and stop.
She turns around to the other direction, not seeing me. ...so I take a step and tap her on her shoulder.
"Wow... do you know who you look exactly like?" I say, planning on going the ex-gf route.
She looks in surprise, then shakes her head, turns around, and continues wandering. I stare at her back for a moment before shaking my head and laughing it off.
I actually think she saw me coming and deliberately turned away. She had this surprised intense look in her eye when I did open her though, but it could very well be that she doesn't even speak the language, and my body language was very 'oh, wow... look at this: You look JUST like this person!' which was not enough to bait her without the context.
Girl 2:
Dark blonde girl walking ahead of me. I stop her with the 'are you from the area' opener after the 'important question', and then go the: "Ah, I thought so, because you have a very curious way of walking, as if you're taking everything in and curious about it..."
She's not good at Swiss German, worse at English, so I settle for High German. She's Italian.
She's here working as a psychologist and is super passionate about it. It's about helping people for her.
I speak slower and more sexually, which I notice has a huge difference. Wasn't doing it enough before, it seems, with my mind full of situation analysis and opening predictions.
She's been here for 3 years, moved here because of her husband, had to learn the language from scratch (she's ok enough we can communicate, but language barrier is still somewhat there). I of course qualify on her bravery and openness for this.
Elicit more values about psychology, then close with the 'you seem like an interesting person, we should continue this conversation sometime'.
She asks me if I have social media, and doesn't want to put her number in my phone, but rather have my number in hers. I know I'll never hear from her again.
We then walk for a short bit together and she begins asking me questions on what I do, etc. So social key is all right. She asks again what I meant when I stopped her. Likes the answer.
Caress her upper arm goodbye when we part.
Analysis
What I did well
-Remembered to speak slowly
-Got opening practice
What I can improve
This outing was before I wrote the analysis of the outing 1 the day before. I think it still seems to apply here: Less deep diving, more immersion?
Me: "So, if I were to ask you... what is one thing you really enjoy doing in your free time... what would you say?"
Her: "Oh, good question. Hmm, I like ballet."
Me: "Interesting. Is it... the expression of your body, the sense of creating art with your movements? Or is it the exhilaration of performing in front of an audience, hearing the roar of applause after a successful performance... or is it the sense of freedom you get while dancing, an outlet in your life... where you can just let loose... and feel free?"
Her:Staring deeply "For me, it's about moving my body, getting a sense of freedom..."
Me: "Getting a sense of freedom... very interesting. So, you imagine yourself right now on stage doing ballet. For you, it's about feeling the way your body moves... feeling the way the music and choreography guides you into flowing gestures... as you FEEL free to just... be yourself in the moment. No pressure, no outside influences, just the TRUE YOU feeling the joy of the moment..."
Her:Yes
Variation Direct Route
Me: "And you know... what else is very similar to this?"
Her: "What?"
Me: "Well... sex! Because..." and then launch into some sex talk gambit.
Variation Transition Route
Me: "And do you know... where else you feel this way?"
Her: "Where?"
Me: "Well, for me, it is when I make music. Because..." and then into some prepared SOT Music where I know exactly how to transition in a similar way to Variation Direct Route into sex talk.
I had to work mainly from home this week, so couldn't go out after that. I did go play Beach volleyball once for a training, where a new female friend insisted I come. She's beautiful, witty, and touchy... and so am I Jokes aside, it's crazy how much social proof you get from both girls AND guys when they see you obviously bantering, staying close, and touching each other... and then play well on top of that.
It just gets me more excited to go meet more girls just like her!
I learned something today. Sunday evenings mean the city is both empty and full. Empty, because all shops are closed, so there's no reason to be there, except...
Full, because I've never seen so many couples at once in my life! Oh man.
Also, the only thing which is open are the outside parts of cafés which have tables crammed together.
In total, in the river areas and spots with cafés, it is full of people! Mostly couples and groups.
As for the rest of the city... deserted. Empty.
Then again, I enjoy walking alone through the winding old streets and buildings, feeling the sense of adventure and peace at the same time... there's a reason behind the modified RPO from that sentiment. Oh, and I found a bench at a potentially good spot that I'll try another time.
I spent so much time walking though that after a longer approach, I ran out of time.
HBSilky
Petite black haired gorgeous Asian walking with her hips swaying. Her eyes are framed by large golden glasses that suit her well.
I walk behind her and catch up.
"Hey, excuse me... are you from the area?"
Have to adapt midway because she doesn't speak German. You figure. Experience has shown that these Asians either speak no German whatsoever, or are natives because they grew up here.
"Ah, I thought so... because you have a very comfortable way of walking... it's as if you're at peace with the surroundings."
She's surprised, widens her eyes, processes it, and goes 'oh, ok!' And turns to continue walking.
I respond immediately. "Ah, I can walk in this direction," and start walking with her.
"So, where you are you from?" I ask.
Thinking about it, this could be the conversation route: Origin→What suprised her here→Different cultures SOT. But I'd have to think about what I'd say... I currently kinda draw a blank. Different ways of expression? Give examples, then get her to share her experiences?
A different conversation route: Origin→What brought her here→Does she like what she does?→What would she rather do...
Or the NARC route: Where is she from→Praise her for her bravery and 'grabbing life by the horns', 'Has the courage to take the opportunities life presents her'..., (I really like this one actually. I'll go for this one next time)
Or even the reality pace route: Opener→Have you ever noticed... but that perhaps after a few sentences first. In fact, it occurs to me thie can be added anywhere, at any time, at the end of the conversation thread, or even before the end to create an open loop...
Well, in the moment I obviously didn't think of all of these and went for the second one (standard so far).
She asks me where I'm from, I turn it back to her.
She's from China, here for research. Would probably still do it in 20 years.
"What is it about research that interests you so?"
She doesn't have a real answer. Not talkative, or thinking? I help her out.
"For my friends in research, it's about being at the frontier of a field, at the most cutting-edge advancements of the area. It's the sense of achievement you feel..." I say.
She agrees and speaks for a sentence before falling quiet again.
She doesn't understand the golden question. "Well, what do you enjoy doing... in your free time?"
"Hmm. Hang out with friends," she says.
"Ah, yes, spending time with friends, enjoying the vibe..."
"And with people I know!" She interjects.
"I get you. I bet you're the type of person that puts up walls around you... and don't let anyone close..." I go for the rainbow ruse since it fits perfectly, "And people think you're closed off, but you're actually just reserved and shy. And when you do let someone in... you can definitely have deep... and great connections."
"Yes, exactly," she answers, more lively than before, "But I don't know why you started talking to me!"
Hmm, ok. "Oh, it was spontaneous for me too. I just thought you had an interesting vibe and way of walking, and was curious to see how you'd match up," is my reply.
I then switch the topic. "So how long have you been here actually?"
2 years. What suprised her the most coming here? People aren't as outgoing as she thought they'd be. But she's an introvert.
"That just goes to show you have your own things you are interested in, a closed circle, where you are satisfied with what you have. But I bet you wish you were more outgoing sometimes." I'm spot on.
"I actually used to be really shy," I say.
"What!" She exclaims, and references her confusion of me starting talking to her again. Asks what made me do it again.
"It was spontaneous for me too. I don't know, something about you... you tell me," I say.
"But I don't know either!" She says.
"So you don't know, and I don't know... then who else can we ask? Neither of us knows it," I say and switch the topic again. Very soon we reach an intersection and I try to close.
"Hey, you're an interesting person... we should continue this conversation sometime," is my shot.
She stops, gives me a charming bashed smile (oh man was she cute) and declines.
Learning: Didn't have sufficient immersion. I asked too many questions. Was missing sexual key, the few light touches at 'high' points weren't enough.
Outlook
It's good that I write this report because all these alternative routes and conversation paths bubble up in my head as I do so. Which makes it more likely for me to remember and use them in the future, neuroplasticity and all.
Will focus on remembering to try the NARC route for the future and see how it changes things. Or combine it with the SOT as qualification for the traits I want to evoke... hmm, that seems feasible. Will just have to try it out.
