- Joined
- May 13, 2019
- Messages
- 58
It's been a while since I used this forum.
I'm probably gonna get downvoted into oblivion and have a lot of simp beta-esque assumptions thrown my way, but at this stage, fuck it.
I live in Scarborough and in general the Toronto area. I notice GC is very pro cold approach, but some of the members here reside in more European countries, so there's probably a difference in culture.
I spent a lot of years cold approaching. I have gotten numbers from it and even 1 date. I developed the skill to strike up a conversation with a stranger. But it lacks consistency and comes with a high rejection rate (unless you play a very high numbers game) But I've often wondered why cold approach advice is the way it is and the factors surrounding our environment that make it this way.
I'm very pro cold approach, but I want to go about it in a way that feels true to me. How I approach it is if I see a girl who seems very busy in the group, is in a rush, glued to the phone, etc, then I don't make a move. I have read articles on this website and many others before that said to just assume this is resting bitch face or "she may be open once you approach her." But the me back in 2019 who's trying to be masculine would approach it that way, but the me now who'd want someone to be open to them approaching and not because I took them out of their guard, is not something I want to do. In my experience, girls who didn't seem open to being approached, they often think about ways to keep themselves safe. I can't count the number of times I've had a great conversation with them, even flirted with them, then I get their number, send a follow-up, and then nothing happened. It didn't help that I was also friends with a male feminist who talked to me about how women feel "unsafe" in cold approach environments and often choose the safest strategy. Now I can't help but think "did they just act like they were interested in me because they felt that was their safest option?" With a mindset like that, now I'm likely to interpret even signs of interest as potential "Safety" armor. I've since then stopped being friends with him and am still doing cold approaches, but I'm not gonna lie, these experiences have been eating me up lately.
It got me thinking about the tips I've learned from this site a long time ago. The whole auto-rejection, being direct, emotional cresting, repartae and rapport building, creating attraction, approach high volumes, etc. I wonder if all of those tips were created to be successful with cold approaches when considering the factors western cultures come with this.
And what do I mean by factors of western cultures? Online dating and social media increasing general social anxiety, so people don't know how to have conversations with strangers and are more guarded than ever, feminism telling women that men are out there to oppress them, therefore take an 'all men are guilty until proven innocent' approach, which gets feminist to see men as potential threats (which could work against them in cold approach), the rise in political ideologies where people prefer to stick to their own communities and find someone there (where social circle game reigns king and it heavily depends on social status and reputation). There's also the fact many women get attention but many guys won't, this guys are often more active in getting what they want while women are more passive via incentive). When you combine all the factors together, then to the ordinary guy, social circle game is far more preferable than cold approaches (especially very true for those who attach themselves to a social political ideology like liberalism, feminism, and conservatism), even though I prefer cold approaches over social circle as I want it to be just me and her, no one else. It also creates a need for women to come up with strategies to protect themselves from strange men when they percieve cold approach as uncomfortable or creepy.
I thought it was just they would ignore you or give short, vague responses when you do try to talk to them (which at this point it easy to figure out). But I've also had experiences where women asked questions back, were enthusiastically engaged, sharing stories, showing emotion, even respond to flirting. I would try to escalate either with the number or some action. If it's number, then when I follow up with that number, I don't get a text back. If it's for some action, they show hesitance or LMR (which ik I'd have to work through, but I don't want to do that. I want her to want it as much as I do).
And in cold approach environments, I find most girls don't give signs they could be open or signs of interest in you. Whenever I have cold approached them, then just 5 seconds in they try to find a way to exit the conversation, or do a "faux engaged" conversation where they like the attention but aren't very serious about you. I won't let this stop me from doing cold approaches, but I can't lie that it's feeling discouraging these days.
Sometimes I wonder if it's my environment. I live in Toronto and I often hear they're very closed off and prefer to stick in their own groups (and surprise surprise, I hear complaints about how hard dating is from both guys and girls). Some of the cold approach guys here are mostly in European countries or even American countries, so maybe there's a culture difference.
My goals when it comes to cold approaches. I don't want to spend 1 hour approaching a high volume of women. I want this to be an integrated part of my lifestyle where I generate natural opportunities for cold approach (allowing myself more room to live life). If I see someone I like, the first thing I do is try to get their attention. I would first try nonverbals like a wave to get their attention (they ignore), other times I have tired delivering a personal compliments (ignore or they say thanks and move on, even when I have stopped to talk to them). Recently, I have now opened up with "excuse me, can I ask you a question?" which most of the time they'll say yes, but I'll use this opportunity to talk about something casual with them and embed it with a compliment.
My strategy here is to hold their attention long enough and make the conversation casual enough to reveal if they're into me or not. I'm essentially creating a situation where I have their attention and am holding it, but keeping my conversation style casual yet simple. Which means I'm not trying to build rapport or repartae with them, nor am I trying to emotionally cresten them. This creates a situation where I can see if they feel physically attracted to me enough where their body compels them to try to talk to me because they find me attractive. If it's easy for them to walk away, then they weren't interested in me enough and I already got my answer there.
I don't know if I'm asking for an oxymoron here, but I want to only deal with girls who make it easy for me enough not to need much game with them (which means they're naturally attracted to me from the get-go), but I want this to be consistent with multiple girls I approach. Don't worry about rejection, I've dealt with a lot of that already.
I also don't want to attract any feminist or women who thinks me cold approaching her is creepy. I believe my current strategy (where they hesitate when I approached them) would weed them out as the women who would be open to being cold approached aren't feminist types as they prefer to meet in social circles (cuz ya know, shared political values). The logic here is if feminist views men as a potential threat in cold approach environments, then the ones who are receptive to a man's cold approach with little hesitation isn't a feminist.
I'm essentially trying to work on cold approach skills where I filter in women I find attractive who also find me attractive from the get-go, filter out feminists, and who would be willing to date me seriously where they'll actually respond to my text when I follow-up with them.
I have mentioned in 2019 I have tried being that masculine man. By this, I mean being the one to make the first move, building repartae and rapport, always moving fast reasonable, being expected to initiate the date, the conversation, not being afraid to initiate flirting first, escalate to sex, read her mood and be the one to initiate. But (idk how much of a shock this will come to people here) I realized I have a natural feminine leaning personality and am attracted to women with masculine energies (and don't tell me to try fetlife or some BDSM shit, a lot of the people there are massive hypocrites with their attractions and rules, and the dommes are just their persona for a dynamic. They're still attracted to masculinity. They only adopt this dynamic because they believe in socialization theory and trying to fight the patriarchy, which ignores biological functions.) (**I included a note below this post. 2 stars means 2 notes) . I want women who are naturally masculine because that's how they naturally are and not because the patriarchy socialized them to adopt feminine mannerism and therefore try to stick it to the system by acting masculine, thus going against their biology. If they're naturally masculine, then they're going to experience natural attraction towards men who show more feminine personality traits like it's embedded in their DNA.
The only reason I still cold approach because I believe in fairness. If I find you attractive, I will come up to you and shoot my shot. Nerves will get in the way, but I'll lean into it and shoot my shot. If I get shot down, fine, at least I tried. In the same vein, if a girl finds me attractive, she should approach me. Don't give me signs of interest and expect me to approach you when I'm not even that into you. Grow a pair and express your interest in me, otherwise I'll put my attention on women who I find attractive in that moment.
*These kinds of groups form over political ideology where they believe in socialization theory, so all they did was end up putting together people with progressive views but on a primal level, still react very "conservatively" (in a sense women are attracted to men with masculinity, and the conversation of "rizz" happens but it's very underground because you're not supposed to treat women as "instruction manuals" or "see sex as a prize to be won, get to know them first".). Note, I do agree with them not to see women as instruction manuals or conquest, but practical tips on how to start a conversation, flirt, and potentially lead to sex should not be demonized. It's like whenever they hear discussions like this, all they hear is how to ignore a "no". Listen, you tell me no once, I full stop. I don't care if it's an LMR or you secretly want me to push forward, I'm not doing that.
*The current liberal groups formed around political beliefs, which means they find people who share their beliefs, not people who are naturally attracted to what's considered unconventional. When it comes to truly feminine men and truly masculine women, there are no groups bringing them together based on natural disposition. If there was such a group, I would've gone there in a heartbeat.
I'm probably gonna get downvoted into oblivion and have a lot of simp beta-esque assumptions thrown my way, but at this stage, fuck it.
I live in Scarborough and in general the Toronto area. I notice GC is very pro cold approach, but some of the members here reside in more European countries, so there's probably a difference in culture.
I spent a lot of years cold approaching. I have gotten numbers from it and even 1 date. I developed the skill to strike up a conversation with a stranger. But it lacks consistency and comes with a high rejection rate (unless you play a very high numbers game) But I've often wondered why cold approach advice is the way it is and the factors surrounding our environment that make it this way.
I'm very pro cold approach, but I want to go about it in a way that feels true to me. How I approach it is if I see a girl who seems very busy in the group, is in a rush, glued to the phone, etc, then I don't make a move. I have read articles on this website and many others before that said to just assume this is resting bitch face or "she may be open once you approach her." But the me back in 2019 who's trying to be masculine would approach it that way, but the me now who'd want someone to be open to them approaching and not because I took them out of their guard, is not something I want to do. In my experience, girls who didn't seem open to being approached, they often think about ways to keep themselves safe. I can't count the number of times I've had a great conversation with them, even flirted with them, then I get their number, send a follow-up, and then nothing happened. It didn't help that I was also friends with a male feminist who talked to me about how women feel "unsafe" in cold approach environments and often choose the safest strategy. Now I can't help but think "did they just act like they were interested in me because they felt that was their safest option?" With a mindset like that, now I'm likely to interpret even signs of interest as potential "Safety" armor. I've since then stopped being friends with him and am still doing cold approaches, but I'm not gonna lie, these experiences have been eating me up lately.
It got me thinking about the tips I've learned from this site a long time ago. The whole auto-rejection, being direct, emotional cresting, repartae and rapport building, creating attraction, approach high volumes, etc. I wonder if all of those tips were created to be successful with cold approaches when considering the factors western cultures come with this.
And what do I mean by factors of western cultures? Online dating and social media increasing general social anxiety, so people don't know how to have conversations with strangers and are more guarded than ever, feminism telling women that men are out there to oppress them, therefore take an 'all men are guilty until proven innocent' approach, which gets feminist to see men as potential threats (which could work against them in cold approach), the rise in political ideologies where people prefer to stick to their own communities and find someone there (where social circle game reigns king and it heavily depends on social status and reputation). There's also the fact many women get attention but many guys won't, this guys are often more active in getting what they want while women are more passive via incentive). When you combine all the factors together, then to the ordinary guy, social circle game is far more preferable than cold approaches (especially very true for those who attach themselves to a social political ideology like liberalism, feminism, and conservatism), even though I prefer cold approaches over social circle as I want it to be just me and her, no one else. It also creates a need for women to come up with strategies to protect themselves from strange men when they percieve cold approach as uncomfortable or creepy.
I thought it was just they would ignore you or give short, vague responses when you do try to talk to them (which at this point it easy to figure out). But I've also had experiences where women asked questions back, were enthusiastically engaged, sharing stories, showing emotion, even respond to flirting. I would try to escalate either with the number or some action. If it's number, then when I follow up with that number, I don't get a text back. If it's for some action, they show hesitance or LMR (which ik I'd have to work through, but I don't want to do that. I want her to want it as much as I do).
And in cold approach environments, I find most girls don't give signs they could be open or signs of interest in you. Whenever I have cold approached them, then just 5 seconds in they try to find a way to exit the conversation, or do a "faux engaged" conversation where they like the attention but aren't very serious about you. I won't let this stop me from doing cold approaches, but I can't lie that it's feeling discouraging these days.
Sometimes I wonder if it's my environment. I live in Toronto and I often hear they're very closed off and prefer to stick in their own groups (and surprise surprise, I hear complaints about how hard dating is from both guys and girls). Some of the cold approach guys here are mostly in European countries or even American countries, so maybe there's a culture difference.
My goals when it comes to cold approaches. I don't want to spend 1 hour approaching a high volume of women. I want this to be an integrated part of my lifestyle where I generate natural opportunities for cold approach (allowing myself more room to live life). If I see someone I like, the first thing I do is try to get their attention. I would first try nonverbals like a wave to get their attention (they ignore), other times I have tired delivering a personal compliments (ignore or they say thanks and move on, even when I have stopped to talk to them). Recently, I have now opened up with "excuse me, can I ask you a question?" which most of the time they'll say yes, but I'll use this opportunity to talk about something casual with them and embed it with a compliment.
My strategy here is to hold their attention long enough and make the conversation casual enough to reveal if they're into me or not. I'm essentially creating a situation where I have their attention and am holding it, but keeping my conversation style casual yet simple. Which means I'm not trying to build rapport or repartae with them, nor am I trying to emotionally cresten them. This creates a situation where I can see if they feel physically attracted to me enough where their body compels them to try to talk to me because they find me attractive. If it's easy for them to walk away, then they weren't interested in me enough and I already got my answer there.
I don't know if I'm asking for an oxymoron here, but I want to only deal with girls who make it easy for me enough not to need much game with them (which means they're naturally attracted to me from the get-go), but I want this to be consistent with multiple girls I approach. Don't worry about rejection, I've dealt with a lot of that already.
I also don't want to attract any feminist or women who thinks me cold approaching her is creepy. I believe my current strategy (where they hesitate when I approached them) would weed them out as the women who would be open to being cold approached aren't feminist types as they prefer to meet in social circles (cuz ya know, shared political values). The logic here is if feminist views men as a potential threat in cold approach environments, then the ones who are receptive to a man's cold approach with little hesitation isn't a feminist.
I'm essentially trying to work on cold approach skills where I filter in women I find attractive who also find me attractive from the get-go, filter out feminists, and who would be willing to date me seriously where they'll actually respond to my text when I follow-up with them.
I have mentioned in 2019 I have tried being that masculine man. By this, I mean being the one to make the first move, building repartae and rapport, always moving fast reasonable, being expected to initiate the date, the conversation, not being afraid to initiate flirting first, escalate to sex, read her mood and be the one to initiate. But (idk how much of a shock this will come to people here) I realized I have a natural feminine leaning personality and am attracted to women with masculine energies (and don't tell me to try fetlife or some BDSM shit, a lot of the people there are massive hypocrites with their attractions and rules, and the dommes are just their persona for a dynamic. They're still attracted to masculinity. They only adopt this dynamic because they believe in socialization theory and trying to fight the patriarchy, which ignores biological functions.) (**I included a note below this post. 2 stars means 2 notes) . I want women who are naturally masculine because that's how they naturally are and not because the patriarchy socialized them to adopt feminine mannerism and therefore try to stick it to the system by acting masculine, thus going against their biology. If they're naturally masculine, then they're going to experience natural attraction towards men who show more feminine personality traits like it's embedded in their DNA.
The only reason I still cold approach because I believe in fairness. If I find you attractive, I will come up to you and shoot my shot. Nerves will get in the way, but I'll lean into it and shoot my shot. If I get shot down, fine, at least I tried. In the same vein, if a girl finds me attractive, she should approach me. Don't give me signs of interest and expect me to approach you when I'm not even that into you. Grow a pair and express your interest in me, otherwise I'll put my attention on women who I find attractive in that moment.
*These kinds of groups form over political ideology where they believe in socialization theory, so all they did was end up putting together people with progressive views but on a primal level, still react very "conservatively" (in a sense women are attracted to men with masculinity, and the conversation of "rizz" happens but it's very underground because you're not supposed to treat women as "instruction manuals" or "see sex as a prize to be won, get to know them first".). Note, I do agree with them not to see women as instruction manuals or conquest, but practical tips on how to start a conversation, flirt, and potentially lead to sex should not be demonized. It's like whenever they hear discussions like this, all they hear is how to ignore a "no". Listen, you tell me no once, I full stop. I don't care if it's an LMR or you secretly want me to push forward, I'm not doing that.
*The current liberal groups formed around political beliefs, which means they find people who share their beliefs, not people who are naturally attracted to what's considered unconventional. When it comes to truly feminine men and truly masculine women, there are no groups bringing them together based on natural disposition. If there was such a group, I would've gone there in a heartbeat.
