Socializing Does cold approaching not work in this day and age?

[RDRChaseMember]

My dominant girlfriends, as well as dominant chicks I've had as female friends, have typically mostly approached their softer/more feminine prior boyfriends themselves. Basically they look for guys who seem shy and nerdy, then approach them, chat them up, and propose doing something with them, then persist until they get the guy if he's at first a little standoffish.

This is something to consider. I guess I'm very pro approach because I don't regularly get approached by women often, so it's very rare for me to experience women who intentionally approach me because they want me. I don't trust I can attract them like that. But I still want to give space for that to happen and ngl I do desire a woman courting me. Makes me feel special.

Best I can suggest is just be out socializing and keep an eye out for the "tells" of a dominant woman:

• Highly alert
• Highly energetic
• High levels of confidence
• Usually less dressed up / more casual
• Very talkative RIGHT AWAY on the approach
• Initiates things herself; doesn't wait for you
• Clearly very independent from the people around her; neither watching over them too closely nor letting them watch over her too much either

Yea thanks for the list man. I might be wrong for this one, but I still want my woman to be dressed up and embrace wearing skirts or dresses that make her look 'girly' but her personality being more on the masculine side. I had an experience in the BDSM circle where I met a girl at a kink event, and we spent the entire night together and I ended up kissing her. I look at her instagram profile and saw her passing off as a dude looks very dude to me. It's one thing if a woman wants to wear shirts, pants and nothing revealing or even some baggy pants. I've been attracted to women with different styles. But this one is like the way she dresses speaks "man" and I'm not really into that. It could be a non-binary thing or gender-nonconforming thing, but it's definitely not my thing lol.

I actually have a list of vetting factors of my own.

-Emotional reactions/stability
-Body language
-Tendency to take leadership
-Response to novelty (comfort or discomfort in new or unfamiliar situations)
-Self-expression during leisure
-Emotional expression (study male psychology for this to determine masculine expression)
-Tendency for risk-taking
-Cautiousness (more specifically, the tendency to be worried, not perception of risk as someone who is truly masculine would also do this.)
-Assertive/cooperative, especially in times of leisure and outside of workplaces
-Core desires (for men it's usually to be useful, for women it's a desire to become mother. Men are usually oriented towards things that could help them become useful, and women are more oriented towards relational matters. These desires have a high association to masculinity & femininity)

Out of the big 5 dimensions, I want to laser focus on 3 (extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism) as these are on a personality. Openness and conscientiousness are more cognitive than personal expression.

 

[Spike]

As for the second bit I don't think I need to worry yet. Just being myself and showing up as I actually am (which is casually fashionable) can actually help me uncover this.

Yeah once you go there. Get the instagram or TikTok of a couple of the girls you like on there. And see who they follow. They’ll obviously follow a couple guys for purely fitness inspo. But also you’ll see which ones they follow for just eye candy. Then model yourself after them.

 

[Chase]

Yeah once you go there. Get the instagram or TikTok of a couple of the girls you like on there. And see who they follow. They’ll obviously follow a couple guys for purely fitness inspo. But also you’ll see which ones they follow for just eye candy. Then model yourself after them.

If we're talking fashion -- @chasemember1969, I don't know if you wear glasses, but if you don't, get a pair.

Can even get a pair with lenses that have no prescription (just glass). They sell those -- you can order online.

Glasses are like the dominant girl Bat Signal.

"OMG, look! He has GLASSES! He MUST be shy!"

Then you're off to the races.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

If we're talking fashion -- @chasemember1969, I don't know if you wear glasses, but if you don't, get a pair.

Can even get a pair with lenses that have no prescription (just glass). They sell those -- you can order online.

Glasses are like the dominant girl Bat Signal.

"OMG, look! He has GLASSES! He MUST be shy!"

Then you're off to the races.

I've had my prescriptions for quite a long time. It definitely gives off that nerdy vibe, but also I like the sleak design of it took. They're also ultra-lense so they function well as sunglasses. Lucky for me I still have them

 

[topcat]

This is wild to me... in my experience, Ontarians are extremely normal people and a bit more liberal on average... like Midwestern girls but even more polite. I would think snowbirds are down there with their families... maybe it's a discretion issue?

Again... what?? Have you ever heard of the Blackberry? Or Shopify? It is simply a smaller country with only a few big cities (40 million vs. USA 340 million... so if you want to excel in finance for example, you basically have to be in Toronto)

Maybe it is a ratio thing. I'd be interested in @topcat 's take... Toronto vs. North Korea... though if you do find yourself in the area, check out London's University of Western Ontario two hours away. I believe Zan still hits London when he's back in Canada.

He’s right in Ontarians being prudes. The country is liberal politically and the people are liberal - in theory. But in practice their attitudes towards sex are extremely stilted. Grew up there and left with immediacy the moment I could.

A girl i fucked last year from Toronto noted that many of her female friends back home were not getting laid “despite being very beautiful” - her words.

After visiting last, the men as a whole seem to be very cucked, very much happy wife happy life attitudes throughout. Weirdest thing, you knew a woman was of legal age if she was overweight. Girls seem to blow up there after high school without fail. Women seem to have an inflated sense of their worth also across the board.

White women over there have nicer asses than native UK whites though. No idea why.

Downtown had a higher ratio of attractive, healthy bmi women, but in general with poor transport links, low population density respectively and it generally being a shitty country (imo) i’d immigrate if an abundant sex life is what you’re looking for…

Not to say that cold approach won’t work over there. Of course it does, i’m just not a fan of the country as a whole.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

He’s right in Ontarians being prudes. The country is liberal politically and the people are liberal - in theory. But in practice their attitudes towards sex are extremely stilted. Grew up there and left with immediacy the moment I could.

A girl i fucked last year from Toronto noted that many of her female friends back home were not getting laid “despite being very beautiful” - her words.

After visiting last, the men as a whole seem to be very cucked, very much happy wife happy life attitudes throughout. Weirdest thing, you knew a woman was of legal age if she was overweight. Girls seem to blow up there after high school without fail. Women seem to have an inflated sense of their worth also across the board.

White women over there have nicer asses than native UK whites though. No idea why.

Downtown had a higher ratio of attractive, healthy bmi women, but in general with poor transport links, low population density respectively and it generally being a shitty country (imo) i’d immigrate if an abundant sex life is what you’re looking for…

Not to say that cold approach won’t work over there. Of course it does, i’m just not a fan of the country as a whole.

Yea I wanted to get out of toronto too. But unlike you, by the time I realized just how fucked toronto is, Covid and GenAI drastically reduced my position to being unable to leave the country at all. And the tariff thing just made the situation worse.

 

[topcat]

Yea I wanted to get out of toronto too. But unlike you, by the time I realized just how fucked toronto is, Covid and GenAI drastically reduced my position to being unable to leave the country at all. And the tariff thing just made the situation worse.

You need to jump out of your defeatist, self victimizing attitude. Where there’s a will there’s a way. GenAI ain’t doing shit to you. Covid a distant memory.

I guarantee your poor results with cold approach lie here rather than any issue with the country, i still get laid when I visit.

Canadians are still washing up on these shores in mass. I bump into them all the time…

It’s your mindset.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

You need to jump out of your defeatist, self victimizing attitude. Where there’s a will there’s a way. GenAI ain’t doing shit to you. Covid a distant memory.

I guarantee your poor results with cold approach lie here rather than any issue with the country, i still get laid when I visit.

Canadians are still washing up on these shores in mass. I bump into them all the time…

It’s your mindset.

This is not about my inability to cold approach. I can go outside and get some cold approaches done right now, it's not about that.

I want to leave Toronto moreso because I don't like how things are set up here and I want to experience different cultures. I don't like the fact I'll have to vet every single person I come across to make sure they're not politically attached, avoidant, or any other fucked up. What do you think will happen if by the time I realize they're crazy, I already stuck my dick inside them? Maybe you don't mind fucking crazy, but I'm not trying to live through that again. Again, nothing to do with cold approach at all. The reason why I specified Covid and GenAI drastically reducing my position is this. I got a background in software development. Covid had stalled a lot of business, which that in itself won't take software out of the game. What really changed it is GenAI which, given it's public release 3 years after covid, changed the game drastically esp for software.

Senior and intermediate are able to hold onto their positions longer (even then they're getting laid off like crazy and en masse), but juniors (the level I'm at) barely has any entry into the scene nowadays. Even if programs adapt where juniors can use GenAI to develop code, now careers has changed to using ATS where you gotta bypass the algorithm which is always missing the human element.

Back then before we got hit with these events, I could've gotten a high paying job no problem. But now the game has changed. That's the only point I'm saying.

Now even with all that, I could work a gen labour job and do some financial planning to get some travelling done. Guess which event affected that now? Tariffs. And you'd think they mostly affected the auto industry, nope, it managed to ripple through different industries that employ gen labour. And trust me, I make calls to my agencies week after week and this is the excuse I keep hearing.

You seem to be conflating that with my apparent decision to not even try. I'm saying it's been made 10x harder than it was before that I can't expect to reasonably leave in a timely manner if I wanted to. I gotta find something else to build up on, which means I'm stuck in this hell-hole for god knows how long.

That never meant I stop trying, and it certainly doesn't mean I'll stop cold approaching or even dating altogether. I'm saying it's now forcing me to take the extra steps I didn't want to take, and wouldn't have had to worry about if I could travel easily.

 

[isildur1]

Met my girlfriend from cold approach 4 years ago - couldn’t be happier , and my parents and family love her to pieces.

It works when done right combined with the right vibe, good smv, strong social media presence then yes

if any of those aspects are wrong then you may get a lot of flakes and bad reactions

 

[bkw]

Cold-approach has been happening since humans have existed, and it'll continue to happen until we die unless some technology comes along that make it completely obsolete (very unlikely), or some law makes it illegal or something, but even then people will still do it. All cold-approach is, is a person who doesn't know another person tries to pick them up. It's not underground shit.

 

[James D]

Can even get a pair with lenses that have no prescription (just glass). They sell those -- you can order online.

Glasses are like the dominant girl Bat Signal.

"OMG, look! He has GLASSES! He MUST be shy!"

Then you're off to the races.

Interesting, I never thought about glasses that way.

I wore glasses in high school. That, coupled with a brooding James Dean vibe, got me a few approaches from go-getter girls.

Switched to lenses for uni and vibe changed to more outgoing/smooth.

Never got approached again.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

And by the way for the thread:

I don't believe it even matters how normalised it is to cold approach in the society. I personally see it as normal and that's good enough for me. I see a girl I like, I want to get to know her, so I go and do it.

Unless it becomes illegal to even talk to people you don't know without their consent first, I don't see any reason to not cold approach.

It's a form a self-expression and I always feel it is better to be true to yourself and go after what you want, of course without deliberately harming others.

From there, whether it works more or less, and how much skill you need is a different question. If you don't want to see it from a skill perspective though, you can see it as being in touch with yourself even more.

If you approach it as a process to improve your experience of life and increase your personal fulfilment, then you will work towards expressing yourself in a more authentic way and embracing all the desires to love and at the same time penetrate a woman that triggers that in you.

And you cannot go wrong with this, the women that make you feel it, will feel it back themselves from you and some of them at least will be open to explore.

And you go from there.

And why restrict yourself to expressing that to the few women of your social circles, and not freely share this gift with everyone you come across?

We are one big social circle on this planet anyway.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

I have tried being more soft and letting them take the lead as long as they want me around too, but this rarely goes anywhere either, it kills most sexual tension and at best we become friends. And I get it, at some point you do have to make a move and have sex, she won't just jump on you.

This is kinda the crux of what confuses me about the narrative around dominant women. They only seem to have that dominant energy when it comes to pursuing their career, things they want, or play some tyranical role in BDSM, yet still expect a man to take the lead in courtship. To me, even if they have the behaviour, that's not really them being masculine or dominant if they still respond positively to dominant men.

It signals that their environment got them to develop more dominant traits and leadership traits, which is not surprising since our current society is more encouraging them to go after their career, step into their masculine more, etc (which isn't a bad thing, but creates confusion on if they're actually dominant that actually attracted to more passive feminine men, especially when these men don't show any masculine behaviour).

When you consider the husband who's too feminine to step into the masculine in his relationship with a woman, therefore she steps into it but resents her man for not doing the role she's doing, it makes me question if women in those positions are actually really dominant or masculine, or if it's just a byproduct of their environment. If it's a byproduct, one could say they had a lot of practice being dominant, yet on a biological level, that's not what they respond to, they just learned to play a role.

A lot of the guys here who prefer dominating dominant women and those women enjoying it also bring it into question. At a BDSM level, maybe they enjoy being the brat in this situation. Idk anytime I have this discussion, it feels like the dominant energy they have is mostly some type of mask covering their more feminine nature.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

I personally see it as normal and that's good enough for me.

Thats how I saw it and approached it too until the male feminist tried to subtly change that. Honestly, the exposure to the ideology they follow really changed how I see it. To the people who do cold approach, its normal and a form of self-expression. But to them, it's creepy and uncomfortable. I've even tried sharing examples of what makes it not creepy (which is a lot at this point). Consider there is a rise of FB groups like Awdtsg where it's treated as a burn book about guys they think are toxic, you'd start to wonder how much overlap there is with these things.

A lot of this is done with "safety" cited as the reason, and no doubt some of this is due to men actually being creepy and actually making them feel uncomfortable, but an ideology that teaches them men are their natural predator is only gonna ramp up the "need to be safe" factor to an unreasonable level.

This is part of the reason why I posed this question. The actual practice of cold approach or daygame, I see nothing wrong with it when done with respect to their boundaries and giving them an exit, but it seems like in cultures with strong feminist influence, they see men just trying to shoot their shot as potential threats, and that seemed to have spread to a more cultural level at this point

 

[ChrisXKiss]

They only seem to have that dominant energy when it comes to pursuing their career, things they want, or play some tyranical role in BDSM, yet still expect a man to take the lead in courtship.

I’m pretty sure there are women that are into female led relationships as a lifestyle and not only to play a role.

At least I have seen extensive profiles in dating sites where a woman is clearly asking for a more submissive man.

And they are not looking for losers, but for men who have their life together, but are simply more submissive in their relationship.

Most of them involve some kink too, but it’s not like they just want to play a tyrannical role, and are not professional dominatrices.

I wouldn’t say these are too many though, so statistically most women you’ll find around are more the types that would love to be able to let go with their man and not be in charge.

I can’t really think how to find naturally dominant women day to day, that said I would suggest getting involved in some kink community.

Mostly because I feel that if you yourself are a dominant woman and you know you would like a relationship where you lead, it would be way easier to search for the right guys in these environments than expect a random stranger you happen to meet to be into it.

And when you go to kink events, or search online, if you are looking for something serious you have to check for women that are also like that and communicate how you love women who are in their dominant, take the lead, and not because they think less of their sub, but simply because that’s how they are and express themselves, and want someone to fill the less dominant role that they can love and be together with.

Now what kind of sexual experiences this will include I can’t say for sure. I suppose you have to be a bit more open to be submissive in bed if you want someone more masculine in their private life, sex is the most private you can get anyway.

All this still needs some approaching though, or at least putting yourself out there in the right environments.

You just have to know what you really want and go out to look for it in one way or another.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

I’m pretty sure there are women that are into female led relationships as a lifestyle and not only to play a role.

At least I have seen extensive profiles in dating sites where a woman is clearly asking for a more submissive man.

And they are not looking for losers, but for men who have their life together, but are simply more submissive in their relationship.

Most of them involve some kink too, but it’s not like they just want to play a tyrannical role, and are not professional dominatrices.

I wouldn’t say these are too many though, so statistically most women you’ll find around are more the types that would love to be able to let go with their man and not be in charge.

I can’t really think how to find naturally dominant women day to day, that said I would suggest getting involved in some kink community.

Mostly because I feel that if you yourself are a dominant woman and you know you would like a relationship where you lead, it would be way easier to search for the right guys in these environments than expect a random stranger you happen to meet to be into it.

And when you go to kink events, or search online, if you are looking for something serious you have to check for women that are also like that and communicate how you love women who are in their dominant, take the lead, and not because they think less of their sub, but simply because that’s how they are and express themselves, and want someone to fill the less dominant role that they can love and be together with.

Now what kind of sexual experiences this will include I can’t say for sure. I suppose you have to be a bit more open to be submissive in bed if you want someone more masculine in their private life, sex is the most private you can get anyway.

All this still needs some approaching though, or at least putting yourself out there in the right environments.

You just have to know what you really want and go out to look for it in one way or another.

I've already been in those environments before. The problem is they buy into socialization theory, so it leads them to adopting behaviours that are against their nature. So even if I say "I just want someone who doesn't think less of their sub and that's simply how they express themselves."

There's a couple of fundamental problems I find with this. 1. Saying you want dommes that doesnt see men as less than is already an acceptable PC thing to say. It's akin to saying you want a woman who doesn't think he's less of a man because he acts a bit feminine and not masculine traits. In theory it's good, but doesn't translate well to practice.

And 2. Again some of them like the idea of "smashing the patriarchy " and challenging gender expectations more and they conflate that as just expressing themselves. I've seen more than enough liberal talk on those platforms to the point I can't take them seriously.

You described FLR as a lifestyle. Even that's dynamically driven, and some of the things I hear about couples in this type of relationship are very exaggerated forms. (then again it's kink and BDSM). But even then, before they start this, some of these dynamics are negotiated, so is that really their natural expression or are they following some dynamic contract?

I left that environment because I'm always gonna be left asking myself if they actually enjoy or do they just like the idea of that and not actually be into the role themselves.

It definitely is harder to find women like this in regular approach environments, but as I said before in my previous posts, there aren't groups that actually bring those members who are naturally into it together (or maybe you had a different experience in the kink circle that you end up meeting women who are naturally into being dominant and are attracted to a more feminine partner). I don't really trust environments like that.

 

[the player of games]

Society is in general more accepting of PUA today than it was in the past.

God, I hope that's true. Because it means the odds have tilted even more in favour of cold approach. Tinder is a shit show for most guys, men have become more feminised and less sociable (feminism + social media + video games), and despite what feminism tells young women, it cannot ultimately triumph over their biologies and young women know instinctively, deep down, that something is missing.

When I was active over a decade ago I developed a kind of sixth sense for spotting daygame interactions on the street, even if I'd missed the initial approach. I would see them regularly when I was out and about. I can't recall the last time I saw someone daygame in recent years, and this is in several major cities around the world. There appears to be very little competition out there and the controversy we've seen over pua street 'harrassment' appears to have died down. The first year I did direct cold approach street game, I would get positive responses from at least 80% of the women which had a really good effect on my state. The following year when I went back to it that dropped to less than 50%. It was like something had hardened in women. Maybe it's time to start going direct again?

It's some real Mouse Utopia stuff, yeah.

Mouse Utopia: Are We Living in the Human Version? ​

John B. Calhoun’s rat and mouse utopia studies show what happens in abundant-yet-overcrowded conditions. Ominously, his findings echo what we see around us in people today. How much of our modern social ails can be understood by population pressures due to overcrowding? Contents 1. 1947 Rodent...

www.girlschase.com

One of the most imporant studies in ethology with applicability ever. Japan is at the cutting edge of the decay. They have whole groups of men who groom themselves continuously but don't date and stay indoors, forgot what they are called.

Beauty Is the Reward of Valor ​

Women don't respond to timorous men. But they respond (in almost shocking ways) to strong, driven, valiant ones… with beauty as valor's reward. Writing of the invasion in 396 A.D.

www.girlschase.com

The core thing is strength. When women are operating from their primitive sexuality, they don't care about the morals of the guy in question. They get wet just the same. And this chick was good looking with a high position in society. Still couldn't help herself.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

Tinder is a shit show for most guys, men have become more feminised and less sociable (feminism + social media + video games)

I agree it made them become less sociable, I don't think being feminized has anything to do with social media and videos games (but I see it being more due to feminism). I use social media and play video games, I also consider myself more feminine in terms of personality, but it hasn't stopped me from putting myself out there and going after what I want.

A lot of what we call feminine is just fear and social anxiety. That should not be conflate as feminine.

With that said, I too am also able to spot when an interaction is a cold approach one. Recently this year, there was an immigrant man talking to a Korean woman in transit and based on the body language and a bit of dialogue, i can immediately figure out that was a cold approach situation. But it honestly made me happy seeing that and the dude was super respectful about it too.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

This is part of the reason why I posed this question. The actual practice of cold approach or daygame, I see nothing wrong with it when done with respect to their boundaries and giving them an exit, but it seems like in cultures with strong feminist influence, they see men just trying to shoot their shot as potential threats, and that seemed to have spread to a more cultural level at this point

And so what? You know you are not a threat, you know your intentions are good and even if you creep out or scare someone with your approach you have the mentality to look at what happened and think:

Ok, was something I did off? Maybe I should be more warm and open when I go and talk to people, and pay better attention at how they respond. I shouldn't startle them by approaching suddenly from an angle they cannot see me and if they take a step back and seem uncomfortable I shouldn't take a step forward and put more pressure on them.

This goes for all kinds of socialising anyway, it's just that during the approach you are also an unknown so you have to smooth out things even more.

What if some people decide that men having sex with women is a potential threat, because women tend to behave more submissive afterwards and cannot self-actualise? Should we just say omg I shouldn't be having sex, what am I doing to these poor women?

I guess we can, and we can generally just not do anything that we feel we want to do because some people say it's bad.

That would be fine is there was an objective good and bad for these things an we all agreed that yes we shouldn't be doing this as humanity.

There is not though, and these feminist women that talk about it enjoy being ravaged by the smooth playboy they meet at a random party and then rationalise how he is different and don't even realise that he didn't just manifest himself, but he had to go through all this approaching they consider creepy to reach that point.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

And so what? You know you are not a threat, you know your intentions are good and even if you creep out or scare someone with your approach you have the mentality to look at what happened and think:

Ok, was something I did off? Maybe I should be more warm and open when I go and talk to people, and pay better attention at how they respond. I shouldn't startle them by approaching suddenly from an angle they cannot see me and if they take a step back and seem uncomfortable I shouldn't take a step forward and put more pressure on them.

This goes for all kinds of socialising anyway, it's just that during the approach you are also an unknown so you have to smooth out things even more.

What if some people decide that men having sex with women is a potential threat, because women tend to behave more submissive afterwards and cannot self-actualise? Should we just say omg I shouldn't be having sex, what am I doing to these poor women?

I guess we can, and we can generally just not do anything that we feel we want to do because some people say it's bad.

That would be fine is there was an objective good and bad for these things an we all agreed that yes we shouldn't be doing this as humanity.

There is not though, and these feminist women that talk about it enjoy being ravaged by the smooth playboy they meet at a random party and then rationalise how he is different and don't even realise that he didn't just manifest himself, but he had to go through all this approaching they consider creepy to reach that point.

I see what you're saying and I 100% agree with you.

I guess I'm zeroing in on this because there's a real possibility that I'd be cold approaching a feminist, and chances are I've already done that. I don't want to deal with feminists in my personal life, so I wanna find an approach that filters non feminists in and filters the feminists out.

I'm also trying to reduce the possibility I'd end up on the awdtsg list (rn they seem to be targeting certain dudes in online dating, but they could expand to include cold approaches as well if they percieve it as harassment).

It's one thing your approach can startle someone. Fine, I can live with that. It's a completely different thing when society completely writes it off (which that in itself wouldn't stop it) but now they got spreadsheets to keep track of guys whom they believe is toxic. If someone trying to get into cold approach makes mistakes that makes a woman feel uncomfortable, to him he just made a mistake he can improve on, but to others, he violated a social norm and therefore should be added to the list so others know.

I'm actually glad I'm more confident in my cold approach skills with enough to potentially avoid these situations, but there's only so much I could do. Everyone's adapting their strategy, including those groups, so even our cold approach strategy needs to adapt to lessen the possibility of this that doesn't mean abandoning cold approach.