Dylan's newbie assignment/journal

[Dylan]

Cheers Nighthawk. The newbie assignment is here

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewt ... ?f=13&t=34

Last night I went out solo to the club. My wingman has left town for a few months. I probably could have got someone else to come out, but I decided to get back into solo game. When I was starting out, that's how I used to run things. After going out a bit and looking round online I found a few other guys doing this as well, so it had actually been a few months since I went alone. I felt like I didn't crack solo game consistently before, so I made a decision to go by myself.

Getting back into it wasn't so hard. I was nervous before going out, but not absolutely terrified as I was when I started out. I wasn't in a particularly social mood before going out - it had been a long day at work and my head was full of other people's concerns.

I had a ticket for the club I was going to. If anyone is struggling with going out alone, I recommend buying a ticket in advance if possible as a way to help. You have "buy-in" that way - you've already invested financially in the night, so you have to go, or you'll have wasted your money, right? It also helps to reduce my main anxiety about going out solo now - that the door staff will refuse you entry. It's much harder for them to do that if you've already paid them. As it happens, the club I was going to has friendly door staff so I wasn't too concerned about that.

The club wasn't that busy when I made it inside. I started talking to a guy in the smoking area, but after a while I said to myself that it was time to get going. I went back inside and did what I usually do in clubs now - use 3 x "how's your night going?" openers to get warmed up.

After that, it wasn't overly hard to get to my target of 8 approaches for the night. Going solo makes your mind up for you about whether to approach or not. There really is nothing else to do except put yourself out there. Lately I've been in a bad habit of ducking out when I'm one or two approaches shy of my goal for the night. Not last night - I read Chase's article about the Winner Effect https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-dominant-man-what-you-didnt-know-about-winner-effect and resolved that tonight I would win by getting to eight.

The downside was that only two of my approaches got anywhere at all, and those two didn't really get anywhere that far. I wasn't able to get too much investment in these interactions - both girls I opened direct. They responded well, but were both waiting for friends. When they arrived, I didn't try to get them to stay with me.

Still that's outweighed by the 2 x plus sides:

- Went solo successfully
- Hit my target

I've also made 200+ approaches this year now. I'll get another post up shortly reflecting on how I've done so far in 2014.

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

A major sticking point for me right now is physical escalation.

at the moment, what happens for me now on dates is something like this:

- Invite her home (she accepts)
- My flat only has a large bed, so we watch TV on my bed curled up
- Kiss
- Any further than that, and we fall into logical arguments about sex, or the girl decides not to carry on and leaves

I've had seven girls in my flat this year, kissed them all but had sex with none of them. The most recent girl said "we only just met", "it's too fast" before leaving.

I think my problem is that I allow myself to get dragged into logical arguments. I tend not to say too much in these situations because I know that logic here is not generally helpful. I also struggle to keep girls from leaving. I have sometimes persuaded them to stay longer, but they always leave without sex.

As I'm sure you all can relate to, this is really frustrating. How can I get past this? I've been reading Chase's responses to some common objections but I think fundamentally it is about frame control. Most recently, the girl's frame that she didn't want to have sex that night and that it was too fast outweighed mine.

How do I beat this?

I feel I've made progress in inviting girls home more quickly than usual. Perhaps I need to put on the news as Chase suggested.
I'm also more relaxed in these situations than before as I'm more familiar with them, and I also move quickly during them. I keep thinking sooner or later I'll meet a girl who won't offer any resistance or so little I'll be able to overcome it, but it's not happening for me at the moment.

I know there's a trick that I'm missing, but what is it?

 

[Dylan]

Another week down. I made 24 approaches this week, which I'm pretty happy with because my target at the start of the week was 20. I'm a bit disappointed I haven't gotten to 25 this week, but that's next week's target.

I'd say about seven or eight of these went well. I feel like this is an improvement on my previous week, both in terms of the number of girls I approached (24 this week vs 21 last week).

Things to work on for next week:

- Moving girls in bars - this isn't happening yet and I want it to
- Get to 25 approaches
- Keep going with day game
- Stop taking so much time on the approach

I also want to develop a more positive mental attitude, rewarding myself for achievements.

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

Two problems I've identified with my game over the past two weeks:

1. I can't shake the feeling that I'm being a nuisance to women when I approach them in day game. Even though some of my approaches have gone well and girls have been pleased to talk to me this week. I think I need to reread Chase's article on Assuming Attraction with women.

2. I'm scared of being "exposed" if you like as a wannabe player. My job makes me a bit more visible than your average guy, and I don't want to suffer any reputational damage. Again, this is much more of an issue with day game.

I know the answer is to keep approaching regardless, but it would help if I could eliminate these ways of thinking. I think it's having a negative impact in how I come across in my approaches. I think I would be more direct/masculine if I weren't worried about these things. Can anyone offer any advice?

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

Talking to two girls the other night was one of my longest night-game approaches yet. My friend went in to talk to a one of two girls at the bar. I went in a minute later and asked the other girl how her night is going. I thought initially she was a bit cool towards me, but we hooked and talked. When she asked what I did I told her what I do for a living, but I gave it to her a little bit straight. Next time, I’m going to say I write a bit - that is my job, after all. We began talking about her job as a radiologist – I could have said more here about how she got there, why she wanted to do that and where she wanted to go with it. I did talk about how it felt to do that, but I could have explored it more.

In the end, they went to get drinks but it took a while, so my friend and I went elsewhere in the bar. I reopened two of them, speaking to the other girl, later on. I was standing close to her and making good eye contact. We discussed how she was moving to be a chef in Scotland and how she dealt with disruptive kids in her classroom. We talked a bit about how she came to be a chef and what it would be like to move to Scotland.

They moved to a different bar and the chef gave me her number. We texted to meet up and my friend and I switched as well. The music was less loud here – but the interaction began to dry up at this point, although I tried to ask her what her childhood was like – she revealed she had grown up in Norway but I found it hard to move things on too much into that. I began to run out of things to say.

The bar closed up and we went our separate ways.

- I could have asked the girls to move
- Letting them go was a bad idea I think
- I think I need to talk more about desires and inspiration to move interactions forward

- Moving girls at the moment is a bit of a sticking point for me. It's something I'm not used to doing and I need to get doing that. Perhaps just moving girls a couple of feet would be a start

Any thoughts and feedback appreciated.

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

Cross-posted from FRs:

I met a girl doing day pick-up, got her number and arranged to meet to go for a drink in my usual spot. We talked for one long drink about all sorts of things - travel, work, future plans. Towards the end of the drink I invited her home, and it's this bit I want to focus on.

When I got inside I invited her to take off her shoes. Not straight away, but close enough. We sat down on the bed and I put on some music. I went for the kiss after a few minutes. She turned away, but accepted it quickly. I have a keyboard and we started messing about on that a bit, which distracted her a bit I think. That's obviously not a good thing.

I kissed her several more times but I didn't escalate further than that. In the end I ran out of time and she left.

This has happened to me several times so far this year and it's very frustrating. I need to become more passionate. Because I'm going through a dry spell I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of her getting up and leaving. This happens to me in other areas of life - I get scared about the possibility of failure and don't go for what I want. I'm not passionate enough.

I need to rouse her passion because she's not going to do that herself. I need to push things as far as I can, then pull back a bit.

So, next time, I'm going to push things like Chase suggests in his article. I'm not going to allow this to happen again - the key is to remember that it's on you to get girls comfortable and ready for sex. It's not going to happen otherwise. I'm just frustrated. Again. I need to harness that frustration and push.

This is the key paragraph:

"You must show passion to inspire passion in her and make her want you. You must be aggressive in moving things forward and getting ever more physical with her. And you must be persistent in trying and trying again and not losing faith even if she stops your ten or fifteen times, and you must not get upset or bitter and instead take it all in stride and understand that she simply isn’t comfortable enough yet and it’s your job to make her more comfortable with you touching her and getting increasingly more physical with her."


Still, it's a good thing that I'm able to take girls home that I've met on the street. That's not an easy thing to do - it's just closing it out.

I changed my process around from before when we watched movies. Now I just need to be more aggressive and passionate to get what I want.

Also, I'm going to ponder things to say when she says:

- "I'm not easy"
- "We're not having sex tonight"
- "I know what you want"

 

[Dylan]

FR from last night.

I went to a house club that I hadn't been to before. It has a reputation for having a tough door policy. I went down solo on Friday night. The bouncer asked me whether I was alone. I said I was and he let me through.

The girls were very attractive inside, but my game was horribly off. I only made 5 approaches, none of which went well. I did however come up with a few things to work on:

- Speaking more loudly and more clearly. I want to move past girls not catching what I say
- Asking girls to move with me within a minute
- Acting with more conviction

Still, every night out solo for me is good news. I'm going out again tonight. I'm going to put these things into practice.

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

Going to cross-post this:

FR++ 24 year old virgin

I approached a girl in the shopping centre last weekend. She seemed initially a bit cold(ish) towards me, but I got her phone number and set up the date for last Monday. She was foreign, but spoke English quite well. We agreed to go for coffee near my flat. We talked and connected well. I think I've got my deep-diving down quite well - I've internalised Chase's 8 questions you must ask her, so I'm not stuck for things to say. I was working on my eye contact the whole time, experimenting with letting my gaze drop to her lips and back up again.

I invited her home for some wine. We went to the shops to pick some up, then went home. We went to the kitchen and poured out some glasses. I took her to my room and we started watching a film.

Here I escalated, perhaps a little late. She asked me to play my keyboard (which I did for a bit...) then we watched the film. I tried a new technique in my escalation I'd seen both on GC and elsewhere called "resist yourself" - I went in for the kiss, then bit my lip and pulled back. She was clearly aroused and surprised that I had pulled away. We kissed, then I began kissing her neck and shoulders.

Then she told me: she'd never had sex. I told her that we didn't have to have sex, and carried on kissing her. I tried the "put her hand on my dick" move that Ricardus mentions. She started tracing the outline of my dick through my jeans. I put her hand under my jeans and eventually got it out. Mine was the first dick she'd ever seen...

I wasn't able to get any further than this though. She told me she was waiting to have sex with her husband. Still, I'm pleased that I made it that far, in a couple of hours, from a foreign girl I met on the street. I'm learning more about how to deal with my escalation sticking point, and I think a 24 year old virgin is a special case...I think I could have made it all the way to sex with a girl who was more experienced. I'm also much calmer when I get a girl alone, which helps a lot to put her at ease.

Off to do some more day game now...I have more reports to post from last night and others.

 

[Dylan]

Right, time for a review of the weekend. It's been a bit of an up and down weekend - didn't get as many approaches in as I wanted, but accomplished some things I hadn't done in a while.

Friday - went to a house club. This is the second time I've been here. The girls there are quite cute, but it's a small venue. On about the fifth approach I started talking to a New Zealander who turned out to be a house music DJ (it's a house club). She was there solo as well and we hit it off quite well. I invited her to go sit with me and we talked about how she got here, house music and so on. I invited her out to the smoking area as the music was pounding. Then I invited her home, but she said not yet. I didn't really feel like there was that much of a "it's on" vibe, but I've learned to go for it anyway. Perhaps I should have pushed harder - but we went back inside. At this point, it felt like whatever attraction we had died a little. So I excused myself and went back to approaching. Here though I realised that my social momentum had evaporated and I was back to square one. I think as I'm getting into better interactions with girls this is going to happen more - you need to get back into the flow when you come out of a long interaction with a girl.

The best thing to come out of that night was that I invited a girl home with me. I'm getting into that habit more now that I'm going out, which really is the only way you're going to pull.

Saturday - did some day game and went on an instant date with a Polish girl. We went for a coffee near my house and again I invited her home. She declined, saying she had to go back to her shopping. I pushed hard on this one as she was clearly attracted to me, but wasn't able to get her home. Still, that's only the second instant-date I've ever had.

Last night I went to a different club. It was supposedly a big night according to Skiddle, but the crowd was all wrong - it had a terrible girl/guy ratio and an older crowd. The venue was a bit disappointing. I'd been once before and it should be a great place to pick up - 3 floors, dance music, but everyone was crammed into the top floor facing the DJ and the rest of the club was quite dead. I bounced to anoter club nearby, but again there wasn't a lot going on there.

Sunday - did a bit of day game today but only 2 approaches which was disappointing. Still, I stayed out when I wasn't feeling great at all.

So overall, a mixed weekend.

Pros - invited two girls home this weekend, rolled solo twice, first time ever I've gone to two venues solo in the same night
Cons - didn't get the approaches in that I wanted to

 

[Dylan]

I'm going to post my notes on nights out and dates here. I've been keeping a journal but I'm going to open it up to GC.

So last night I was in a bar with a few friends. I saw a girl smile at me and I tapped her on the shoulder and opened her. I suggested after a minute or so that we go sit down, so I led her by the hand to the sofas. We talked and I set a frame saying she was a live in the moment kinda girl. She agreed, then kissed me.

Then she said she wanted to go to the bathroom. Using a GC tactic I showed her where it was. She got out and we sat back down.

Then she said she was acting as a wingwoman for her friend and wanted to find her. At this point, I let her go and waited for her. Five minutes later, she returns. We sit back down again. Next, she says she wants to go find her friends. I persuade her to stay a little longer, then I gave in and let her go.

Winning these frame battles and handling interruptions is a new sticking point for me. It's a good thing really because it shows I'm getting further into interactions. I thought about inviting her home but I thought it was too soon. Again, I need to side with being bolder I think.

Later on, this girl came up to me in street game. I opened her with "hey how's your night" and she asks me whether I'm single (has she been reading this site? ) whether I find her attractive, then something else, then kisses me all in a few seconds. I immediately tried to isolate her from her friends but she wasn't budging. I invited her home (directly, and she declined).

I feel like I'm getting closer to my second pull from night game since I started reading GC. The last few times I've been out I'm getting into long interactions with girls and getting to the point where I'm inviting girls home.

Out again tonight

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

I went out solo last night and did 7 approaches. None of the girls I approached really hooked that well, which was a bit disappointing. The selection of girls in the (fairly small) club wasn't as good as last time I went there, but it's unpretentious and it suits my tastes. Relatively happy with that, but there still needs to be more. I want to go out once during the week, as well as Friday/Saturday this week. That's my target.

Also, on Friday I want to absolutely blitz it and go for 20 approaches, if I don't pull beforehand. I'm still wussing out of approaching the hottest girls in the club. I want that to change.
Another thing to do is to go direct more. I'm going indirect and spontaneous a lot, which has its advantages, but direct still needs to come out when I can't think of anything else.

I'm remembering to be pleased with how far my solo game has come. I can go out solo to lots of places now without it being that big of an issue. A year ago it utterly terrified me.

I've been thinking about what Mr Rob and others have mentioned about boyfriend disqualification. This is another piece of the puzzle falling into place for me. Coming from my background with girls and my personality, I am prone to slotting myself neatly into the early boyfriend category. So, from now on, I'm going to start disqualifying myself as a boyfriend. From what Chase and others have said it seems easy to do and the rewards are potentially great. So, why am I not doing this all the time?

 

[Dylan]

Hey guys,

I've been on two Tinder dates in the last two days and in both of them I've been using the boyfriend disqualifier thing. Both times it's gotten a good, knowing response.

Just had an easy date where a girl resisted my advances. Here goes the report:

We match on Tinder and have quite a flirtatious back-and-forth. I put in a bit of sexy humour and implied innuendo that I'm quite pleased with and set up the easy date. She comes over, I ask her to take her shoes off but she doesn't. I don't press her on this.

We cook dinner and I'm getting plenty of incidental touch going. One technique I've found is to sit at right angles (i.e. not opposite) to a girl so you can get incidental touch going with your legs.

She is Chinese and we deep dive as to why she's here, what she's doing, how she got here, her plans and so on.

I'm also starting to get the hang of setting the right frames. For instance, we were talking about judgment in our conversation and we agreed that this was a bad thing, and that it's cooler to choose who you want to date and be with, rather than society pressuring you into taking X person or Y person. This ties in with qualification - I'm starting to train myself to identify things a girl says that piques the things I want girls to be, and to probe a little deeper if necessary.

Anyway, I move to my room and try to kiss her twice, but she lets me nowhere near. At this point, I end the date because I could feel nothing was really going to happen.

Here, something tells me I did the wrong thing - should I have persisted? I think whenever you ask yourself this question, the answer is yes. I should have gone a bit longer and tried a few more times to kiss her.

So that's something to bear in mind for next time - don't be discouraged if she turns you away the first time or the second time, just try your hardest within reason to get something out of the date.

With that mind, bring on the weekend.

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

A few more thoughts more generally:

My overall mindsets when it comes to game for best results are:

- This is all a learning process, a puzzle where I apply more pieces and refine my process
- Work hard
- Work smart
- Have a bridging mindset leading to an assume attraction mentality (that girl might like me - I'm going to go over and find out instead of "that girl will reject me if I say anything" . In time this will bridge to "That girls like me, I'm going to go talk to her")

 

[Dylan]

5 day game approaches tomorrow. I'm making myself publicly accountable. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm also out tonight.

 

[Dylan]

So I did 8 day game approaches. Here's how they went.

Girl #1 - out with my wingman and she walks past. My wingman says she was checking me out. I hadn't clocked that. I went back and approached. She was receptive to my approach but she said she had to rush to a meeting. I didn't ask for her number when I could have done. Mental kick to myself. I was also stumbling over my words a bit here, speaking a bit too fast.

Girl #2 -

Girl #3 - Perhaps I left this one a bit too late. It was so busy today, which means when you're not entirely comfortable with day approaching there's a tendency to wait for "the right moment" which, as we all know, is in fact right now for beginners/intermediates.

Girl #4 -

Girl #5 - blonde haired girl. She looked at me while she was going. Well, would be rude not to approach! I did it well enough I think, but it was the transition that I fell down on here. She wasn't giving me much to go on, but the conversation stalled. It turned out she had a boyfriend anyway.

Girl #6 -

Girl #7 - she was with her friend and this crazy guy had come over and was talking to her friend about some end-of-the-world-is-nigh type stuff. She and I smiled at each other. Normally I don't know how to approach groups in the day, but I thought screw it, lets try. Left with her facebook details. Top wingmaning by that man there

Girl #8 - turned out she worked at the shopping mall I was in. Hmm. I'll try not to do that too much...

All in all, a pretty good effort. Next target: night game tonight. 8 approaches min, including 4 direct ones.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey hope the 2nd night went well too with girls that want to go find their friends etc (and this is gonna happen since they rarely if ever go to clubs alone) its much easier if you have already number closed cos that way you can both just do your thing knowing you can discreetly hook up later without your having to re approach her group etc. Obviously you're looking for a girl to take home that night so you might think it's pointless to number close but IMO it's useful cos it communicates your intention to fuck them and avoids your becoming an orbiter so they'll prob be more attracted. I've had success like this:

Me: I'm enjoying talking to you, do you feel the same way?
Her: Yes
Me: Then let's hang out another day
Her: Okay
Me: Here, put your number in there and I'll send you a text

Cheers, Ray
Edit: Just realized there are 2 pages of your journal, I was rresonding to the 25 Oct post at end of first page oops

 

[Dylan]

Hey Ray, thanks for the tip I've never really thought hard about getting phone numbers in clubs before, but I feel I would benefit from trying to squeeze everything I can out of each girl I approach, and phone numbers definitely count towards that.

So yeah, it was a good night in terms of the number of girls I approached. I don't know how many it was, probably about 10/11.

The best approach of the night was a girl who had a tattoo on her back, just under her dress. I went over and asked her something about it and we progressed from there, but she didn't want to come and sit with me when I suggested it.

It's funny, today I felt I made real progress with the number of approaches I made in day and night game, but had less results. Lots of girls blew me out. But going back to Chase's sticking points post, I'd rather be in the latter position, strange as it sounds, because you're playing the game asymetrically - the way the winners in pick up play it. I think as I approach more, I'll see a dip in the results I get, then I think they will even out again at where they were before as my fundamentals improve, enabling me to handle making 10+ approaches in one session.

I also did street game today with a friend. I was opening with all kinds of off the cuff remarks, high fives and the like. With hindsight, I feel like this is progress but for the long term I need to dial down the entertainer vibe and go sexy instead. But hey, a few weeks ago I was scared of doing street game altogether, so that's progress.

So a rest day tomorrow, followed by day game after work on the Monday.

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

A few more observations actually:

- My handshake/touch could be improved. At the moment I'm doing more of a handshake. I can evolve that into the hold and almost kiss that Chase recommends
- I'm still not approaching the hottest girls. Answer: approach them anyway
- Today was a good day. I wanted to start November off well and I really have, with something like 18-20 approaches spread over a day, which is a record for me

The next challenge is to go out after work on a Monday. I think work sucks the sexiness out of you, I will probably be gaming solo and there will be fewer girls out to approach. All these factors count against me, but hey, we have to do what we have to do.

Dylan

 

[Dylan]

I went out Friday night, Saturday day and Sat night.

Ok, to begin with, Sat night.

I went out to a friend's party where there were plenty of girls. However they all knew each other and were on the dance floor. I opened a few girls in this party.

I went with how's your night going with these girls. Still I think here I could have sexualised these conversations with compliments that Chase suggested elsewhere on my posts.

We went to a club, I opened a few girls here well - no hesitation here. They went fine enough.

We switched clubs to one that, on the face of it, was terribly laid out. It's a giant box with an enormous dance floor in th centre. One of it's few redeeming features is the catwalk that goes around it. It has spots where you can sit.

Still, I was getting annoyed with the sheer number of people and all the aggro in that place. I saw one of the worst fights I've seen in a while inside. But I'd said 10 approaches and wasn't leaving till I did that.

My tenth approach was the best one. I said hi, simple as that, then progressed. I complimented her on her hair and suggested we move elsewhere to sit. She complied.

We chat about the things Chase suggested - travel, future plans, fights. I invited her home, but not as assertively as I could have. That's something to work on. Also, I didn't persist when she declined. I think that was because I was hesitating about sleeping with her, and because I'm not a persistent person... Yet

I went home alone, but happy with the make out I got and for a few reasons:

- I was feeling tired after Fri night and Sat day game
- the party was an unusual social situation for me game wise (social circle v cold approach)

Things I learned:

- stick it out till you complete your goals
- my ratio is about 1 in 10 for night game in terms of finding a girl I can get investment and attraction from the last 2 times
- I need to work on my persistence
- I need to game with a smile on my face I've heard that from 2 different guys today and tonight...

I'll post reports of my other two excursions soon

Dylan
-

 

[Dylan]

OK a bit about Friday night.

I was all set to go out solo, but then my wingman changed his mind and decided he wanted to come out, so I postponed my exit from my flat for an hour. We went to a bar that I'd only briefly visited. When we got there I quickly saw that it wasn't up to much. It had an older crowd that I didn't rate. So we hopped to the next bar, which is quite an exclusive bar. I only did one approach there because again the prospects didn't look great.

In the end we went to my favourite spot on a Friday night. I approached the first girl I saw within a few seconds of going through the doors into the bar. A few other approaches later we went downstairs and went to the dancefloor. This girl was eyeing me on the dancefloor. I hesitated too much, looking back, I could have gone straight in. I did approach after a few glances. Luckily there was a conveniently located sofa right there so we sat down and talked.

I tried to go with the conversation topics as suggested by Chase in "8 questions you must ask her". I was also remembering to touch her. We were holding good eye contact and conversation despite the pounding music. She was there with her sister. Several times she said she was here with her, that they were best friends and did everything together. In the end I didn't know how to invite her home in this scenario.

She went to the bathroom with her sister, came back and said she was going. We exchanged phone numbers and that was that.

I'm pleased with how it went, but I want to invite girls home in that situation. I did the next night (Sat night). If you've come that far...really it would be silly not to.

Stuff I learned:

- Invite girls home once you've been talking to them for 30 mins or so [I did do this on the Saturday, see last FR - that lesson was persistence]
- I think I'm getting a hit rate of about 1 in 10 now

After that we did some nighttime street game. I want to improve my street game. I want to target 3x direct approaches in street game next time I go out if I haven't pulled by then.

****

Saturday day game.

I was tired after Friday night. Day game was a struggle yesterday. I did 6 approaches in the end, which was what I set out to do.

I heard from a guy more experienced than me in day game that when you're not really feeling like it, just go out with lower expectations. You don't need to expect too much on the approach; the important thing is to get them done.

My plans for next week are:

- Find a way to get some approaches in during the week. I'm going to try again after work tomorrow, possibly Wednesday night as well
- Go out on Friday and Saturday x 2
- Continue working on my fundamentals
- Around 30 approaches next weekend

Dylan