Dylan's newbie assignment/journal

[Dylan]

A report from tonight (Friday).

The past few days I've felt down for a few vague reasons. One thing I've been pondering lately is Chase's advice not to read the news. For my job, I have to read the news. Sometimes it can be hard for me to block out the negativity and the culture war going on between certain men and women online. It's not something I want to be a part of right now, but I get drawn into reading about it. I don't really know how to resolve this...I don't want to change career right now, so I do my best to block it out.

So I wasn't feeling great Friday night, but I forced myself out anyway and headed to my usual bar, earlier than normal at 10pm. It was crowded with an after-work type crowd.


My goals for the night were:

10 approaches
Use boyfriend disqualification
Remember to smile

My first approach was to a cute blonde girl sitting with her friend. It was a complete blow-out. I laughed it off though

Girl #2 - she was wearing a straw hat. She came up with her sister (this keeps happening in this bar - girls go there as sisters. Does anyone have any experience of pulling in this situation?) We were making good eye contact. She told me she was a physio. I said to her she must give good massages. She agreed. I asked her whether she liked her job. She said she did. I joked that the best part was rubbing her hands up and down men. She didn't really take that bait. She then asked me to buy her a drink. After some to and fro, I gave in. I now regret doing that. I've realised that next time that happens, I'll say "I buy drinks for girls I know well. Tell me more about [X]"

I also talked to her sister as we made our way downstairs and she lost interest in me. I complimented her on her fringe and we chatted for a bit. I moved her to come sit, but at the last sec she changed her mind and danced instead. At this point I sensed it was over and moved away.

Girl #3 was a bit taken aback by my bold approach, complimenting her on her dress. She too was with her sister...

*** I'm still not feeling great by this point and there are long gaps between approaches *** I decide to change and go to a studenty place I hadn't been in ages. The quality of girls in there is pretty poor in the main to be honest.

Girl #4 she trod on my foot as she was walking towards the bar. I went over to her and opened her situationally. It was an OK approach I suppose, but I didn't compliment her afterwards. As I was doing this I made eye contact with a different girl, so after that I went and approached her...

Girl #5 ...which went fine. Again I complimented her on her fringe. She was sitting on a stool with her friend. There was another stool nearby. I asked her whether she had a spare seat, which was meant as a test to see whether she'd arrange the chair for me. She did. Her friend then got up and left, and she became agitated in that classic girly way when all her friends are missing. We go to the dancefloor and one of her friends is trying to set us up, complimenting me on my scarf (great idea Chase!) and getting me and the girl to dance together. Somehow though I didn't feel the 'it's on' vibe. She left to get a drink and that was that.

Girl #6 was a bit of a throwaway approach. I still wasn't feeling up to much by this point and the quality and quantity of girl was thinning.

I decided to bounce at this point. I went to another bar near my flat.

Girl #7

Girl #8 was from Turkish Cyprus. She was wearing a cool jacket with epaulettes, so that was the opener. She was with her friends and as they went off, she went with her. I didn't try to stop her. I let her go.

Girl #9 again I opened situationally, then went direct complimenting her on her hair. It was a good enough approach. I could have asked her to sit with me here.

Girl #10 was a street approach. I still need to work on my street game. I don't really go direct in street game, whereas I can see that is the way to go.

So, I think I merit some praise for sticking with it tonight. I felt pretty "out of state" for the entire night, but having read Chase's articles I know that state is not really important. It's more important to stick at it and hit your goals.

I did hit them all. I am constantly saying that I'm planning to leave my city in the new future whenever a girl asks where I' m from. I made the 10 approaches. I even smiled a bit

An improvement I'm making on last week is stating interest shortly after a situational opener. I still have work to do here because I want every interaction with girls to be sexual. But my "nice guy" platonic vibe is decreasing I think.

Points to take from this:

- Stating interest soon in every interaction if I don't use a direct opener
- Removing hesitation. I still think way too much. I'm going out on autopilot now, I want to approach on autopilot
- I won't buy a drink for a girl I haven't slept with

 

[Dylan]

I did six approaches in day game today. I'm disappointed with myself because I could have done 10. 10 was the target. It is still an improvement on last week as I did it entirely by myself.

Girl #1 -

Girl #2 - This girl went into American Apparel. I went inside as well. She left, then I approached. This probably wasn't the best way to do it, but I still got the approach done. She asked me which way I was walking and we walked and talked. I think the conversation drifted a bit though, I found it difficult to connect.

Girl #3 -

Girl #4 - She looked back at me as I left the shopping centre. I just really said hi and fluffed my lines a bit, but I was still pleased with how quickly I did this

Girl #5 - This girl responded well to me. My approach was direct and strong. She was just about to go into a shop. I managed to make a bit of a joke out of that, and said goodbye to her.

Girl #6 - This girl responded well to me as well.

I cant really remember how the other two approaches went. I found it hard to act with no hesitation. I know I could have done better. However, looking at it, I had some good interactions with these girls. And I remembered to smile and try not to take things too seriously.

A few minutes ago I was a bit depressed when I looked at the spreadsheet I've been keeping this year. I've gotten laid once from my 500+ approaches this year.

But then, when I dug a bit deeper, I saw that I had collected around 30 phone numbers (I stopped keeping tabs for a while), kissed about 18 girls, got 12 girls home with me and got further than a kiss with another two of them. So perhaps I'm not doing so badly after all. I'm not seeking validation here, just trying to reaffirm to myself that I'm making progress. That's the thing that really scares me more than approaching - not improving.

I want results and it's difficult for me sometimes to keep the faith through the nights and days when you get no leads.

So the things I definitely have improved are:

- Approaching. I couldn't before, and I can now (just not as easily as I'd like - I want to be able to approach girls with no hesitation)
- Going out solo. I can do this now
- Moving girls
- Boyfriend disqualification
- Deep diving, summing things up and repeating things back to girls

Things I can work on:

- Having no hesitation about approaching
- Touching girls more
- Looking for and rewarding compliance
- Understanding that women love sex and really knowing this on a deep level
- Inviting girls home
- Seizing opportunities
- Persisting

I suppose I just have to keep going. It helps to remind myself of what I've accomplished so far but I still have a way to go. Out again tonight, another 10 approaches is on the way.

Dylan

 

[ray_zorse]

Check out my journal, we are kinda in the same place... it's a fucking frustrating process but baby steps hey... I found your statistics useful, I haven't been keeping strict statistics but I'm probably at about 250-300 approaches and 5 pulls home, no lays except some that don't count... so if I do it all again I can expect a lay haha... anyway reading your interactions it sounds like u need to push the boundaries in conversation a bit more, a while ago I went out daygaming with no intention of pulling but just aiming to say the craziest banter or most sexual shit I could think of and this went well, much more fun for them and me, I haven't managed to repeat this but give it a try, also try to be a bit more insulting or asshole-ish e.g. like Mr.Rob "what do you do?" "I raise cats in my mum's basement and sell them from the boot of my car" "OMG" "I keep them in a trash bag in the boot, do u want to see them?" "fuck off no way" "don't worry I put holes in the bag"... anyway peace bro hang in there and hammer out those approaches and I will too
cheers, Ray

 

[Dylan]

Thanks Ray, what do you mean "lays that don't count"? They all count haha I'll check out your journal for sure. I used to keep stats rigorously, then I got slack, then I started again.

When you say "push the boundaries" I think I know what you mean. Can you give me some examples where you've done that?

So tonight I was set to go solo when one of my wingmen rings me up and wants to come along. No problem, he meets me there.

Inside it's a studenty place that I used to frequent when I was just, just getting started. I realised today one big thing: I'm still protecting my ego. I told myself to act like I did not give a toss about anything or what anyone thought of me.

That attitude came in handy for my first approach. This girl blew a kiss in my direction. It wasn't for me, but I went over to her and asked her who it was for anyway. She looked mortified, literally as if I was the creepiest guy ever. I'm laughing thinking about it actually.

The second girl was older than the others. I opened her situationally, but she wasn't really that attractive to be honest. I have too many interactions like these I think - I'm getting better and expressing interest soon after situational openers now though. To be fair, the ratio was pretty dire in the club at this point.

Girl #3

Girl #4 - this interaction went nowhere. I could have expressed interest with her because she was cute, after I opened her at the bar. I acted with no hesitation though.

Girl #5: it was her birthday, she told me. I skied her how old she was, she said 19. The only bit of banter I could think of here was 'not nineteen forever'. What could I have said instead: 'I remember being 19. It was the best year of my life' or 'so where were you exactly one year ago?'

Girl #6 - I was talking to my wingman about moving on in the smoking area. He said he didn't want to go. This girl turned around and said don't go, and then kissed me on the lips to make her point! I asked her what her favourite floor was and then said let's go inside. She finished her cigarette but her friends dragged her away.

Girl #7 - this girl was Australian. I opened her with "looks like you like this song as much as I do" then said she had pretty eyes. I think she misinterpreted my suggestion that we go upstairs to get a drink. That's a problem with the venue - there are three floors but only one of them has any seats in it. Here I could have persisted I think - clarified my compliance request and got her to follow it.

Girl #8 - this was a new club now, solo. I approached this girl sitting down with her friend as soon as I got in, complimenting her on her hair in a fringe, and playing with it. She blew me out the same though

Girl #9 - this one went slightly better, but she had a boyfriend. Here I acted with no hesitation. I surprised myself with how quickly I acted.

Girl #10 - this one said hi to me. I said hi back and tried to carry things on. She said she was going for a smoke. I told her to come sit with me instead. I think here I could have just made the idea my own, and led her away.

I did a few street game approaches, including an indirect-direct one. I still want to improve doing direct street game though. I think it's the only way.

So, what can I take from tonight:

I can develop that no hesitation, DGAF attitude that will serve me well
I am getting better at expressing interest soon in an interaction
I can laugh off rejections better now
Only a couple of go nowhere interactions

Things to work on:

Eliminate go nowhere interactions by expressing interest
Develop that DGAF attitude and zero hesitation

It feels with my game that I was getting somewhere with my game before, but I was still hampered by approach anxiety. Time to banish that for good and then hopefully my results should get back to where they were before. Still a make out counts for something.

 

[ray_zorse]

hey Dylan thanks for letting me/encouraging me to post in your journal, I wouldn't want to intrude, just love reading about/discussing game since it inspires & helps me to do so

Thanks Ray, what do you mean "lays that don't count"? They all count haha I'll check out your journal for sure. I used to keep stats rigorously, then I got slack, then I started again.

Oh haha well I have access to semi regular sex from a cute older married school mum who basically predates GC though I did have to use a little game post GC to close the deal... trouble is it's so drama prone that it's basically not worth the trouble although my frame control and r/ship management has improved out of sight and as of the other day we seem to be on again, on my terms. So I rewarded her by fucking her in the car at the drive in movie. Had to have a talk with her after about the previous bullshit but I took a firm but reasonable line exactly as Franco recommends, encouraged her to put any issues on the table (she didn't as she knows it is all just attention seeking bullshit), so far no wall of text. Great.

There's also a morbidly obese woman who is actually kinda cute and nice, this is through cold approach (I approached her friend who spent the night in my bed on an easy date later but wouldn't put out and was boring as shit, should have kicked her out and told her to sleep on the porch or similar), anyway I'm not 100% sure if I got my dick in so that's why it doesn't count, went soft immediately after but she's pretty cool and doesn't give up easily so I may go a round 3 sometime...

When you say "push the boundaries" I think I know what you mean. Can you give me some examples where you've done that?

I don't have heaps of good ones but from memory

me: oh cool what do you study?
her: international development (I don't hear well so I fill in the gaps)
me: sexual development? (she laughs)
her: no no its about commercial stuff
me: oh.. consensual development? (she laughs harder, luckily had good english to get the joke)

another one, had a pretty flirtatious vibe, outside the uni

me: hi there (sexual smile) my eye was drawn to your outfit, you look fabulous I'm ray (its a beautiful summers day and she's in an eye catching short floral one piece dress)
her: introduces herself, we shake hands
me: nobody should have to work on a day like today
her: yeah i agree its beautiful isn't it
me: oh man you are gonna brighten some guy's day though
her: laughs
me: so what do u do anyway?
her: student advisor, course and career advice and stuff
me: oh, could you advise me where to meet more women as cute as you?
her: laughs... what do u do?
me: we help companies improve their operations (i realize this is killing the vibe so i quickly add)... but i prefer helping women with their operations
her: haha and how is that going, helping women with their operations?
me: well it's been an interesting morning (I've done a few more approaches prior to her and had other crazy conversations)
we banter back and forth

turns out she is in ground floor of my building, i invite her for coffee and she says "come find me" and scoots off, i've noticed her once since then but i think she avoided me, point is i wasn't trying to pull but to upgrade my banter.

and from my journal last night, the married HB9 after she refuses her number and shows me her ring I say "i don't want to be your boyfriend i see you more as a fuck buddy"... see also my ideas for how i could have deflected deep dive from 34yo korean chick with game.

hope that helps, im sure u can do better than me. Ray

 

[Dylan]

Hi Ray, I'll have a proper read of your post later.

Just for now, I decided that I want to solve my day game approach anxiety by being ruthless with myself. My sticking point is that I can't approach enough girls as I want to. I go out, get scared, walk around for 30 minutes not talking to anyone and maybe then start approaching.

Not any more.

I'm going to allot myself 30 minutes after work to do day game. 30 minutes in which I will walk around town trying to do 3 approaches. 3 / 30 minutes = 1 in every 10 minutes. This is the rate I want to get to, so I can go out on a Saturday and get through 12 approaches in two hours. At the moment I'm wasting too much time wandering around with no/little results.

I did one approach today in town. It was terrible. I was nervous, felt awful and the girl didn't even say anything. It doesn't matter. What I'm doing is getting over that fear. I'll do it again tomorrow, and the next day and however long it takes to get over this. I'm so over being afraid of this all the time. So I'm going to clockwatch ruthlessly. In time, 30 minutes will seem like plenty of time in which to do this if I keep hammering away at it.

So, GC readers, if this is what it takes, then so help me, this is what I shall do.

 

[Dylan]

One approach again today. I started later due to work and a few other commitments, but I could still have done three, without any problems. The only thing holding me back is my anxiety. Tomorrow. I go again.

 

[Dylan]

I did even worse today. No approaches. Not one, walked around for half an hour. I'm upset with myself, like I was yesterday and the day before. I keep making the same mistakes. I know I'll feel bad if I don't and when the 30 mins are up I feel terrible for putting it off for another day. This is doable though, I'll try again tomorrow.

I think part of me wants to fail. Part of me wants to fail and call it quits. But a bigger part of me doesn't want to do that. It's just so stupid of me to put myself through such mental anguish. Tomorrow. Go again.

 

[ray_zorse]

I seem to recall Franco saying that like the first 10 times he went out to do cold approach he couldn't approach anyone... so don't worry, it's kinda natural, but what's important is putting yourself out there, if you can't approach then just go out and walk around observing anyway, and don't beat yourself up about it. Just take the time to practice eye contact discipline and other fundamentals.

Another thing you may be overlooking is the importance of getting warmed up. I've certainly been out to do daygame with goal of doing 10 approaches and totally frozen up the first 30min-1hr or more. (Luckily this isn't as bad now). Some suggestions that helped:
1. Go into a shop and buy something, taking a bit of time over it, and chatting and deep diving the assistant while asking about their range etc. This warmed me up and I even got a little flirting going, so I had a lot more confidence for an approach after that.
2. Go into a crowded cafe. Order a drink and ask someone if you can share their table. Try to talk to them.
3. Approach a grandma or whatever...and ask them about their day, their family, etc...or say hi to a guy your own age maybe.

With above in mind, maybe you are being a bit hard on yourself by allotting such short periods for daygame, by the time you are warmed up you will be heading home. I would do daygame in bigger blocks but not as frequently. (I have been on a break from daygame, but I had a big breakthrough in my voice fundamentals in recent days. So I'm gonna hit it hard again next week I think).

cheers, Ray

 

[Dylan]

Thanks Ray, and congratulations on the LR the other day. Read it and it was very impressive how you led from start to finish!

I've also noticed a upturn in my voice fundamentals lately.

So a few things to report. Firstly, on Thursday I made eye contact and smiled with a girl on the train. We were both already on it and there were a few other people around. She flashed her ticket at the inspector and she happened to be getting off at the same stop at me. I waited until we both off the train then hurried up to her and opened her. The approach went well and I got her phone number. She was on her way to a gig. Six months ago I probably would have passed that up but this time I knew what I was doing and was confident of getting her phone number.

She hasn't actually responded though. I think I might need to spend a couple of minutes longer building a longer conversation before getting the phone number. I'm so set on going for the number that I don't relax and move a conversation on. I'm thinking about how I'm going to eject with a phone number.

I count that as progress though.

Friday night I went out solo to my favourite bar. Here's a rundown of how it went.

I got there about 10:30, feeling tired (I've been in the gym Monday - Friday every morning except Tues, when I played sport instead) but ready to put work in.

Girl #1 - my first approach went pretty well - I went direct and complimented something about her hair. She responded quite positively but she ejected with her friend after a bit of chit-chat. I think my chat after the opener I need to work on a little bit and start asking some questions that lead a bit further.

Girl #2 -

Girl #3 - This girl I smiled at earlier on in the night. I walked past her and approached, just saying hi. She said she liked my scarf (it's killer) and I complimented her on her dress. I suggest we go and sit. We do, chat for about 5 minutes and then kiss.

Now before this I said to myself if I kiss a girl I'm going to invite her home straight away. I don't really know what the best thing to do is in this situation but I'm following the general rule of moving fast. I've gotten makeouts in this place before but didn't invite the girls home, so I thought to myself I'm going to invite a girl home and see what she says. She said she had to stick with her work friends. She then walked off, stealing my drink before I realised what was going on! I went to get my drink back off her but three of her work buddies came over and started telling me to leave. In the end, I decided it wasn't worth it and walked round to another part of the bar.

Girl #4 - I was feeling good at this point having made out with this girl and invited her home, even though she said no and she stole my drink! I spoke to an older woman who was with two of her friends. I actually told her what had happened because I wanted to share it with someone. We had a good chat and then I moved on.

Girl #5 - I'd checked this girl out before, she was with a mixed group. I was completely blown out here. She didn't even acknowledge my existence. I realised again what Chase said earlier on - you don't really get additional chances to approach. The moment had passed. It's a lesson for the future - if a girl shows interest you can't postpone the approach. You have to go for it. It would have been a tough approach as she was in a large mixed group, but it would have been better to have gone for it earlier.

Girl #6 - think this was a blow out but I don't remember.

Girl #7 - again, don't really remember

At this point I decided to change venues. With hindsight this was a mistake as the second venue, hit-or-miss at the best of times, was a miss, and I also wasted some time in line to get in. I did talk to Girl #8 in line, but nothing really came of it.

Went back to the first place, but here my momentum had fallen. It was hard to get it back up.

Girl #9 - I approached her with how's your night going, then followed it up with "seen anyone you like?" to which she shyly responded she was on a girls' night out. I'm pleased with how this went because I was cool with the fact that she wasn't that interested in me and kept the conversation going as long as I reasonably could.

Girl #10 - ?

I did a couple of street approaches after this, when it had hit around 2/2:30am. I'm pleased that I did that because street game is probably my weakest form of game.

Another thing I experienced first hand last night is that I was approached a lot. I put that down to better fashion, good looks and being out alone. One French girl approached me while I was sitting down. She was with a big group of mostly male friends and I didn't really know how to take it forward. Another pair of cougars approached me by the bar. Two drunk girls approached me in street game. She was wearing silly glasses and asked me whether I liked her outfit.

So, I need to reflect on how to handle being approached. I'm not very good at it yet - but I'm sure I'm missing out on some lays because of that. I'll reread Chase's article and think about what to do in that scenario for the future.

 

[Dylan]

A bit late, but here's a report from last Saturday day game and Saturday night

Day game

Girl #1

Girl #2 - strongest approach. I went direct, reacted quickly, stopped, opened her, complimented her, moved her out of the way of oncoming people and started talking. It's easy to talk about Christmas shopping at this time of year. She asked me whether I did this often. I deflected that with "I like talking to pretty girls". I got her number. I was pleased with my strong, dominant frame here. I got her phone number. She has been busy, but she wants to meet up and hopefully we will before she has to leave town for a bit.

Girl #3 - didn't stop to talk to me

Girl #4 - I saw this girl inside a small shopping centre. We made eye contact and smiled before she left. I jogged outside, caught up with her and managed to get her phone number. Going for a date tomorrow with her.

Night game

I went out with some buddies. One problem with going out with people is that often, I find, we don't get started till late. We got to this bar and it was heaving. Absolutely heaving. I thought fairly quickly that this was a non-starter so I switched bars, only to find that was heaving as well.

I felt pretty lousy by this point - I hadn't done any approaches and it was getting on for 1am. I had seven to do that night to reach 100 approaches for the month, with just the Sunday day to get it done potentially. I really didn't want to day game Sunday as I knew I'd be exhausted, so I was determined to stick it out.

I did some street approaches (and was approached, again, on the street). This girl asked me whether I liked her outfit (she was wearing silly glasses). I should have got touching her at that point - maybe "stolen" her glasses and tried them on myself.

I also did some approaches inside the bar, including one that went well with a good, strong open. Again, I'm getting faster at spotting and taking opportunities.

 

[Dylan]

Hello all at GC. I'm out of a (sort-of) casual relationship that lasted about 3 months. It came from day game. My goals for this year are to double my lay count from five to ten and to become comfortable talking to girls in any situation - day and night game. I want to be able to meet girls wherever I am. So in this journal I will chronicle my journey to these goals.

So today I could have approached a cute girl who walked right past me on my way home from work. I wussed out. I feel shitty this evening despite accomplishing a lot of things in other fields today. I want to try to apply the 2-minute rule I apply elsewhere in my life to approaching. That goes like this: if you can do a task within two minutes, do it then and there without thinking. It takes too much mental effort to put stuff off that can be done at that point in time in two minutes or less. Approaching takes less than 2 minutes anyway. The interaction itself may take longer but the approach is done and dusted within two minutes.

Tomorrow I will walk around after work and I aim to do one day game approach. I will report back here with how that goes.

 

[Dylan]

So I approached a girl at the station on the way to work his morning. Not too bad, but I didn't push the interaction far enough. I didn't ask for her name or give her mine. We had a chat for a few minutes. I'd say 7/10 for getting it done early. I'm going to go back to basics like in the Day Game 101 article published recently. Tomorrow I'm going to say hi to three girls. Will report.

 

[Dylan]

Got 3 'hi's in today. Once with a pair of girls talking in Russian by McDonalds, one walking past me and another outside smoking by a restaurant. It took longer than it could have though, so same again tomorrow. I also want to approach three girls walking, rather than standing still. Pleased with myself overall though.

 

[Dylan]

Got another 3 'hi's in today. It took a long time though, so I'm quite tired. I'm going to go out to a bar tomorrow. Will report. My challenge for day game now is to do this faster. Stop wasting time.

 

[Dylan]

So I went out solo last night to my favourite Friday night bar. The aim was to make 10 approaches. Here's how it went down:

I got there for 10pm - I was turned away from there last week with two friends at 10:45 so I resolved to get there a bit earlier this time. I got chatting to two girls in the queue who turned out to be from Lithuania. We discussed why they were here and what I did. I didn't give a straight answer to what I do, trying to get them to invest more in the conversation e.g.

Girl: So what do you do?
Me: You mean, for a living?
Girl: Yeah
Me: I'm a writer and journalist

I think here I could have gone into the book I'm writing, which I think is an interesting topic. We chatted about the differences between Lithuania and the UK, what they were doing in Manchester. I didn't step the conversation up though, because they didn't stick around once inside. No matter.

Girl #2 was twirling a hat around on her finger. I approached her but again it was pretty lame. I pretended to be interested in the hat and asked where I could get one (they were handing them out)

but I remember the third one. It was a girl dressed in a polka-dot dress. I complimented her on the dress, but it was a bit of a lame compliment. I said that you don't see too many polka-dot dresses, and that maybe they were due a comeback.

Girl #4 was watching the dance floor by herself. I thought this was a good opportunity to try out the 'I'm glad I'm not the only one who...' opener, but she didn't bite.

Girl #5 - I was sitting by the bar, and I thought I'd try it again. She and two friends were waiting to order and she was shaking her butt to whatever song was playing. I tried the 'I'm glad I'm not the only one who loves this song' opener but she either didn't hear twice, or was ignoring me. That was a bit awkward. I left then and walked to a different part of the bar.

Girl #6 - This girl was Polish. She was hovering near me, which I took as an approach invitation. I qualified myself a bit here in a slightly unsexy way:

Girl: I'm from Krakow
Me: *eyes light up*
Girl: You've been there before?
Me: Yeah I went last summer. I guess you must see a lot of people from [my city] around there
Girl: Yeah they all come from their stag-dos
Me: I wasn't doing that when I was there. I was doing XYZ - hopefully I can give you a better impression of [my city]'s people

This was me explaining myself, which doesn't come across as very confident. She left. I was probably about hour in by this point, doing well by my standards in terms of numbers of approaches.

Girl #7 - she actually opened me, saying:

Girl: I'm sorry I stepped on your foot
Guy: I'm wearing sturdy boots, you're going to have to go harder than that
Girl: Ah, nice boots

We talk, she seems interested. She's here celebrating her friend's childbirth (!) who's also here. We talk for maybe ten minutes then she goes back to her group

Girl #8 - we make eye contact a couple of times for brief moments. I see that she and her friends are getting up to leave and putting their coats on. I move round the bar and meet her as she's leaving. I ask her whether she's leaving. She says yes. I ask her whether she wants to stay. She says she has to be up early for a train, but isn't leaving. I don't have much time, so I take her phone number. I think I came on pretty strong in this interaction, I guess that's what happens when you're warmed up.

Girl #9 - she made eye contact me several times, including peering round her friend to look at me. But when I approached her she went dead. Completely blanked me. I think eye contact in bars and clubs is massively overated, maybe even a mistake. I've heard Chase and other say this before.

Girl #10 - I thought she made eye contact, then got completely blown out. At this point I switch venues. I go to one more bar that I'd never been to before, and make another approach. Then I went home.

I'm going to go to two bars that I haven't been to before tonight. I want to go for 15 approaches tonight, upping the effort I put in to each night. It's also really important to maintain your momentum in between venue changing. That is where street game comes in - I think it can be really useful for maintaining momentum between venues.

TIL:

- More direct openers
- I can still approach in night game
- Slow down, for goodness sake. My voice is still quiet and fast.

Things to aim for:

- Push for 20+ approaches
- Slow down my voice
- Approach the hottest girls - I'm still wussing out of these

 

[Dylan]

Had a disappointing night last night. I tried a bar that I thought was worth another go and I reminded myself why I don't go there. The ratio is terrible and full of an older crowd. I tried another bar that I hadn't been to. I had scheduled this in as a Plan B. This was a bust as well. I liked the bar layout and the music but the crowd was awful. I tried one of my favourites, but I've been having doubts about it lately. It has little seating and the ratio can be off. I did three approaches then went home.

One girl grabbed my scarf and said 'are you for real with the scarf?' I tried to laugh it off and said I wear it because it's cold outside, which was probably wasn't the best response.

Another girl asked me who I was there with. On cue, I told her I was here by myself. She asked why, I said because I want to be, which impressed her.

I slunk off after 3 approaches. I'm feeling rubbish about that this morning. I have a question about overkilling the same bar, given that I've only found one that consistently yields results. That thread is here: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=9637

 

[Dylan]

Right, FR on the latest night out.

I hit the bar with my friends. As I'm walking through a girl taps me on the arm. I spin round and talk to her, but she basically runs away 'to the bathroom'. I do my best to remain unfazed by this but it is a little bit strange. I asked her friend whether she was like this and she said she was shy. When she came back she was all giggles and I wasn't really able to progress the conversation.

Girl #2 - I opened with the 'I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes this song'. She didn't immediately get what I was saying. I have trouble making myself understood in bars and clubs. I also have a tendency to mumble and speak too quickly. All my vocal training seems to go out the window when I'm in bars and clubs. That's something I want to work on, and I think it will come with more approaches.

Girl #3 was in a different bar. I opened her direct with her dress. She asked me whether it was slutty, and we agreed that any more so further up the knee would be. She said she had a boyfriend, but if she didn't I'd be in there. I asked her whether she wanted to pretend she didn't have a boyfriend for the evening. She declined...

Two drunk Australian girls started talking to me outside the bar. One was good looking, the other not so much. The not-attractive one called me sexy a few times, but she was calling other people that and I couldn't tell whether they liked me or not or whether they were just drunk.

Inside the next bar I talked to Girl #5 who was waiting for her friends. I said to her I was getting worried about her - that she was going to be alone all evening. She didn't really get it.

Girl #6 was in the bar while her friend was being approached by some other guy. I opened her with how's your night going, then started talking about her friend getting hit on. I asked her how she thought the guy was doing. I'm not going to ask that again. That sucked.

Girl #8 I opened with how's your night going. When she said fine I said 'you don't sound very enthusiastic', kind of like how Chase suggested, but she didnt really get it.

Girl #9 was probably the best interaction of the night. She was sitting by herself. I waved to her and sat down next to her. I started deep-diving with her about her job as a mental health nurse and how she got into it, whether it was something she wanted to do forever. I still struggled to make myself heard. It was cool because we were already sitting together. At the end she said she was going to see her friends, and she gave me a kiss. I asked for her phone number but she said 'I hope to see you later on in here'. But why would she say that if she was leaving me...?

All in all it wasn't too bad a night. I still got my approaches done despite not really feeling it at all. I guess I hooked with 2/10 girls, which is not a bad ratio. I keep running into a brick wall with what to say next. I need to ramble a little bit more I think to keep things going and work on my opening banter. I need to get more observant and start dropping observant humour into my early interactions.

 

[Dylan]

Some thoughts on last night:

1. I hooked 2/10 of my sets. This is reassuring as I didn't feel like anything was really going right last night. It was a bit of a struggle.

2. Just keep going. My 9th approach was the best one of the lot.

3. I need to work on my banter and early chat. I'm going to read up some other FRs from other guys on here and think of 3 things to try for next time.

I've got a date in a few hours with a girl I met last weekend in day game. I'm taking her to a coffee shop that is very, very close by. Logistics are near-perfect. Will update.

 

[Dylan]

So I went on two dates yesterday. Here is how the first one played out.

1. I met her in town and we walked to a coffee shop that is in the same building where I live. I told her upfront that I live in this building so it wouldn't be a surprise when I invited her home. We began connecting really well. She was Italian so I was talking to her about how she got here and why she was here, what she wanted to do next. We deep-dived well on this topic.

At one point I think she realised I was doing all the talking:

Her: "Do you think I'm talking too much?"
Me (joking): "Yeah, maybe we should just have complete silence for like 5 minutes"
Her: (laughs, goes back to previous topic)

I stayed calm and focused on breathing when I was getting nervous.

Here is my attempt at qualification. I tried not to make it too obvious, as per Chase's advice:

Her: (just finished talking about how she moved from a small Italian town to an English city)
Me: You went from a small Italian town to [my city]. When I lived in [French city] I went from a city in England to one in France. So that makes yours a bigger step than mine
Her (looking flattered): Yeah I guess so

Here is a screening attempt I made:
Me [nodding towards piano]: "That girl has finished playing"
Her: Do you play?
Me: Yeah I do

[Here I answered her question too bluntly. I should have played about with it like:
"Well, I used to compose a few concertos, but not so much any more"]

Me: Do you play
Her: No
Me: What about singing?
Her: No
Me: Haha me neither, I wish I could though
Her: I do dance though
[Then we're off to the races...talking about dancing]

So she asks me what I'm doing later and I take that as an escalation window to invite her home. Sadly she has something planned for afterwards (it's annoying when this happens) so hopefully we'll get a second date before she leaves.