@DarkKnight,
@Chase so I suppose this is a classic scenario where he should have given her an ultimatum per your article, before this escalated the way it did ?
Yes, if he ran out of other tools to tackle it, and reached the point where it was "Dump her or get her to fix it", it's time. When calm discussion is off the table,
considerate ultimatum is what you've got left before you move to calling it quits.
I rather live in the moment. But I still cherish pictures looking back. So long as they're not taken every 5 minutes.
Yet, I don't really want to get the camera out and start blabbing. I feel like everything I see, everyone I interact with has to become part of my Youtube project. But... that's the world we live in. Everybody has a show.
This is the thing about social media. It is very seductive to want to photo diary your life to be more Internet cool.
Eventually you realize the picture-taking for public approval is overriding your ability to actually live your life.
I went through a phase like this in 2008, taking pictures all the time and being this really cool guy on Facebook.
I talked about some of it here. One of the things that helped shake me out of it was when I took this trip with a couple buddies, and the first few days I'd taken pictures non-stop, then left my camera in a cab by accident and lost it. And I realized not only had I lost the hundreds of pictures I'd taken over the last two days, but I'd been so stuck behind the camera I hadn't even really experienced those days either. I never bought another camera again. And have hardly used the ones on the smart phones I've bought since then.
But you've got to have that realization at some point.
If you just talked to this girl in the post and said, "Hey. You shouldn't live your whole life just for Internet fans," she wouldn't hear it.
She needs to come to that realization herself.
@West_Indian_Archie,
This might be far afield from PUA, but he really needs to start managing her account and profiting from her stuff. He probably won't get over the insecurity, but he can change the dynamic of the relationship. And adding a bit of emotional distance and turning her into his employee (as opposed to his partner)
Without his guidance, the future of this girl is basically "onlyfans" and then cam girl, and then heading to Miami/Vegas/San Fernando Valley to be a star, and then "email for business inquiries" and she's in Dubai for modeling.
With his guidance, he (they) can make a grip on YouTube.
WIA
That's a great take.
Major mindset shift from where he's at... from "I am annoyed at this thing my girlfriend is doing, and it is getting worse, and I wish she would stop it" to "I support this thing my girlfriend is doing, but she needs to do it my way, and put me in charge of it, and together we will make her a star, in the right ways, and both benefit from it."
I have realized over the past decade or so that the mentality of being able to manage and delegate to people is so far distant from the way many people think that it's as alien to them and different as "doing good with girls is a skill" or "you inside your head are responsible for your own emotions; no one else and nothing external to you is" or "buying a house is a liability, not an investment/value store" or basically any other useful-but-uncommon mode of thinking (that, once you're in it, seems like the most obvious thing in the world... but until you are, is simply outside your reality).
If he is profiting from the girl , he is pimping otherwise he is simping.
Yeah, you wouldn't want to do that out of the goodness of your heart.
Do that and you are just building her up at your own expense so she can further her own ego and other ends that don't involve you.
She'd need to be paying you a management fee, getting you kickbacks, introductions to people through her, introducing you to people as her manager, making deals go through you and you set the rates and determine who gets what cut, etc.
@subzzd,
I am really interested to know how to handle such scenario without going to pimp route. I am sure I wont be comfortable with my girlfriend( proper gf not FWBs) putting her body on display for horny dudes. My first reaction would be trying to break it off with her. but is that a immature reaction?
I think there are a few solid-ish reactions here:
- Cool with it, but want to manage it. The route @West_Indian_Archie suggests.
- Cool with it, and don't really care either way. You don't really care if a bunch of horny Instagram dudes are slavering over her booty pictures, and you don't care if she wants to take pictures with you in them either. In fact, if she wants to make her entire life about taking pictures, including with you, you are fine with that too. It's all good.
- Cool with it, but don't want to be involved in it. You don't really care if a bunch of horny Instagram dudes are slavering over her booty pictures, but you don't want her phone out when she's around you. She can take her pictures, but she's not to include you, and she needs to keep the phone off in your presence.
- Not cool with it, and she needs to tone it down or it's over. You are not cool with her posting booty shots out there for horny followers to drool over, and either she is going to switch to a far more wholesome picture style, or you'll take it as a sign she is just not compatible with you.
Different guys will want different things.
A guy who is really into social media might fall into the #2 camp. He's tickled at his girlfriend's popularity, and likes being known as the guy who is shagging that girl all those other guys are beating their meat to. He gets an ego boost from it.
Other guys will fall into the #1 or #3 camps (I'm more or less a #3 guy. I don't want her doing Dubai trips or having an OnlyFans, but if she really wants to share some mildly sexy pictures and get a bunch of thirsty guys drooling over her, whatever. I'll think less of her, but it's not something I'll dump her over in and of itself. I don't want it around me though -- don't take pictures of me, don't put me on her profile, and don't have the phone out take pictures or checking social media around me).
Sounds like you'd be in the #4 camp. If that was me, I'd find a time to sit her down and say, "Look babe, I feel like I'm losing you. Our relationship has been transforming. We used to spend so much time together, but now every time you're around you're lost in your phone. You're taking pictures, posting pictures, responding to DMs, commenting, following. I've lost my girlfriend. I want to get her back. Right now it feels like she's dating her phone."
Then see how she responds. If it's anything other than realization and a pledge to cut back, then it's time to start imposing boundaries and setting deadlines ("I don't want to see your phone out when you're around me. It must be off, or you have to leave it at home", etc.).
Chase
