Break Ups Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

[HeartOfChaos]

You need some period of pulling back from her in order to reset the frame.

When you are in a conversation with her, I'd suggest going in with a mentality of not trying to fix it, but instead letting her tell you what she thinks has happened and how she feels now, and making sure you understand it fully. At this point she feels very disconnected from you and is ready to walk. You don't have emotional leverage. So you have to give her space to want you again, and let her talk her way into a new deal, if that's what she's willing to do. Rather than trying to push the latest fix attempt down her throat.

Thanks. Yes I understand. In your view, what would be the "pullling back" timeframe here - a matter of weeks or many months?

 

[Will_V]

Thanks. Yes I understand. In your view, what would be the "pullling back" timeframe here - a matter of weeks or many months?

When I say 'pulling back' I do not mean going no-contact, I mean being completely ambivalent about your future together and not making any attempt to fix anything.

See if you can have a conversation without you bringing up the relationship at all, just talk about other stuff. Is she still keen to talk to you? Is she distant or guarded? Does she start talking indirectly about the relationship without you prompting? Is there anything she wants to get off her chest? Can you make her laugh?

If there is anything left of her desire to be with you, she will feel it most strongly when you are just enjoying the moment together, without any pressure. But you will have to be able to release all your expectations and enjoy vibing with her as if it is all you want or need from her.

But any hint of neediness or agenda and it'll all be for nought. If there is any avenue for the relationship to continue, it will have to be her choice and by her invitation, as a result of her wanting to continue those moments. If you can't do that, then I'd suggest moving on completely and focusing on your own future.

I think it is best if you mentally accept that it's over, and treat it as if all you want to do is leave good feelings and memories before she goes, as someone you cherished. That may be what it ends up being, but you'll have given her the opportunity to experience the best of you again, and decide for herself what she wants.

 

[topcat]

Bro, move the fuck on..

21 pages dedicated to this foolishness, by encouraging this we’re shifting away from some core fundamentals

what part of the game is this?

what happened to this?

I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em

A couple of fellas have asked on here about cutting contact recently. Here's Matt's comment from the article entitled "Your Mental Model is Flawed": “Can you explain cut off marks (ie, cutting off contact with a girl... say if she doesn't sleep with you or is not responding well) in more detail...

www.girlschase.com

 

[mirror]

Bro, move the fuck on..

21 pages dedicated to this foolishness, by encouraging this we’re shifting away from some core fundamentals

what part of the game is this?

what happened to this?

I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em

A couple of fellas have asked on here about cutting contact recently. Here's Matt's comment from the article entitled "Your Mental Model is Flawed": “Can you explain cut off marks (ie, cutting off contact with a girl... say if she doesn't sleep with you or is not responding well) in more detail...

www.girlschase.com

From my own experience, at some point, after tons of girls (even if not all of them are ones you have pulled, but screened for sure, at some point you know what you like and find a very select group of people that may be able to provide that. Sure you can enjoy others, but there is this urge or desire to be with one that is actually a good match and build on things. That's why most people settle down at some point. The easy challenge at PUA in the beginning for most people is to pull, but later on it becomes finding one or more matches and then it moves on to the real challenge which is attracting and keeping someone you actually want. What use are these skills if you can not even attract or keep a person you actually like

 

[topcat]

What use are these skills if you can not even attract or keep a person you actually like

You practise getting and keeping the kind of girls you like, as you once did with pickup.

Meaning when you fuck up with one, you learn from your mistake and apply your skills to the next.

Law of least effort, and the diminishing returns of chasing/pedestalization apply across the board. They’re fundamental laws of human sexual (romantic) relationships..

We’re violating this as seducers when we encourage this guy run down a dead lead that clearly doesn’t want him. This doesn’t serve his better self and only encourages his mediocrity.

We’re skilled seducers, not mediocre mopes..

 

[mirror]

fundamental laws of human sexual (romantic) relationships..

I think this one is funny, as I see it, sexuality can be brought to 0 and back to 100 with the right skillset and right chemistry involved, but that's my thoughts on it. maybe kj on my part.

 

[topcat]

I think this one is funny, as I see it, sexuality can be brought to 0 and back to 100 with the right skillset and right chemistry involved, but that's my thoughts on it. maybe kj on my part.

show him how the mate, he needs it..

 

[HeartOfChaos]

From my own experience, at some point, after tons of girls (even if not all of them are ones you have pulled, but screened for sure, at some point you know what you like and find a very select group of people that may be able to provide that. Sure you can enjoy others, but there is this urge or desire to be with one that is actually a good match and build on things. That's why most people settle down at some point. The easy challenge at PUA in the beginning for most people is to pull, but later on it becomes finding one or more matches and then it moves on to the real challenge which is attracting and keeping someone you actually want. What use are these skills if you can not even attract or keep a person you actually like

From my previous experience after being dumped by another LTR 12 years ago, even if I go and bang dozens of women, it's not a replacement for an ex. Because as you point out, for me to really like a girl I need:

1) very strong match on an emotional level.
2) Certain "facial features" that I am instinctively drawn to, also on some emotional level. Just any old attractive looks won't do. In fact, I may not care about a stereotypical HB10 - sure she is hot, but what I need is something more.
3) Building on 2), I noticed that majority of women who I had a long term thing with were basically a "face match" with me

 

[Marcellus]

Guys! Enough is enough.
Can we please stop acting like there aren't a million girls out there. Heartbreak is a normal part of life, people break up all the time. Eventually you will move on and be at peace. Let's stop encouraging this, on to the next girl.