Interesting break-down. The third step sounds like you assume that someone can consciously choose to be attracted to another person by focusing on some specific trait they have. I haven’t experienced that ever. Even in hindsight, most men I got to know held nothing of ‘special interest’ that made me romantically interested in them.Okay. So you want to have experience with some romantic relationships and then eventually find someone to marry and it's not allowed to be the first. Am I getting it right?
Then because you want it to be in a committed romantic relationship, you want you both to be invested romantically. You are used to building up friendships but don't know how to make them turn into romantic relationships.
So lets first define: what is romance? Is it push pull bantering or is it the handholding, roses and first dates. Romantic settings like candlelight dinners... movies.
Step one for those is having a one-on-one meetup. There can be people around, but it has to be a conversation between you two.
Lets make it an escape. I am going to paint a story. It doesnt need to fit you or be your scene, but am just gonna experiment some
The second step is the location. You want it to have a more dreamy vibe. Something that's not everyday. Somewhere where both of you feel you can let go of the daily stressors. Where everything seems possible and nothing extra ordinary. Then...
The third step is allowing for smiles and love vibes. Important in this is that you go to the core of interest you feel for this other person. When you have that, your eyes twinkle, your skin glows and you feel the soft atmosphere and relaxation.
The fourth step is to make the other person doubt whether you made a move or not
The fifth step is waiting on the other to make a move.
The fourth and fifth keep being repeated all the time. Sometimes the roles switch.
And they grow stronger each time.
It is easier when you look feminine, but i think it works for every date. The hard part is not the date itself. It's finding the right person to have it with.
How could a woman use this site?
- Thread starter Lilly
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may be a reasonable assumption. but an assumption nonetheless. So far, I'm inclined to believe you're really not all that interested in challenging your assumptions about this all, or else you would already be out there in the world gaining new experiences, since you've joined up on this forum.
Could also be that while your first time isn't immediately in a serious relationship, it leads to one. could be a lot of things.
Hate to break it to you, if you want intimacy you have to risk heartache. No matter which way you take to get there.
Keep playing it safe. And please do let me know if anything changes. I want to be wrong.
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there is a middle ground, a women that doesn't want to sleep around and have flings, can do so... the key is if she is not into the guy just move on fast, don't sleep with him if there is nothing there.....
if she is exited and attracted to a dude, then yes, they can both sleep with each other, and cont. seeing each other, but if is not going anywhere move on, though hard to do for a girl like lyli after couple of fucks...
I think she is thinking fling, is sleep with any dude, which is not... Just date and as part of dating give sex to the guys that have potential... (middle ground)
I am having new experiences and am going out daily, as I’ve already mentioned in this thread. So far the men have all been 50+ though.
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makes no sense that you at 20 something only attracting 50 plus..... Where are you going to middle executive conventions? or the pta for men groups... something is off...
To the beach, hotel bars, gym and cycling outside. Idk why older men are attracted to me. Worse is that younger guys look right through me for the most part when they’re actually my target group. The ratio is like 4:1 (old:young).
I don't think the core of interest is necessarily a specific trait. It's more something that you can feel. I can't explain it but some would decribe it as curiosity, for me i would describe it as a focus on each other that goes deeper than the superficial level, a mix of characteristics that make the person desirable to you. For me it can be a level of safety or comfort combined with the desirabilty of the other person. Can be anything but it has to feel right. If it doesnf feel right: exit.
Can be plenty of reasons for that happening. The question is: what do you seek in your partner?
Is the age significant or is it more about the connection you can have. Do you find them somewhat attractive regardless of their age, or not?
Regarding why the shown interest comes more from older men:
- Maybe the older men are just more comfortable expressing their intentions or don't worry about the consequences
- Maybe something in the stereotype you exhibit is especially interesting for older men: don't know what you look like or your style is so can't really say much on it
- Maybe the younger men are more easily attracted to someone that shows sexuality blatantly. I think for some men with older age comes less reliance on the clearcut 'sex' looks and more on the 'nice girl' aspect of it besides that. But that's just what I observe, may be true in very specific cases.
I think in general young men often are more responsive to extreme shows of skin or sexuality compared to older men, but can't verify this as I, as a middle-aged man, just respond positively to both
That said, if you already get 5 men that are interested in you, and one of them is also your age. perhaps with enough time or volume of getting in touch with those, you can already find some guys that are interesting enough to you to 'experiment' with?
Just don't feel the need to do anything you are uncomfortable with.
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About fundamentals...
Lilly, you said you go frequently to the gym and that you are reasonably fit, right? That's really great.
You also said at some point that you basically use dresses and summer sandals, right? Well here things seem evident, but they are not. It might feel pretentious to give advice about clothing to women, but I will do it anyway. This is my take: there are different types of dresses and different types of sandals. Different types can elicit very different reactions from men. Men are very visual and clothes' aesthetics can have a huge impact. It can be night or day.
Anyway, here's what I think: there are grandma dresses and sexy dresses, as well as grandma sandals and sexy sandals.
I could post pictures from Google but I will just suggest you Google it yourself these exact expressions:
"grandma dress"
"sexy dress"
"grandma sandals"
"sexy sandals"
I've just done it and the results match quite well what I expected: the difference is huge! Not everything is consistent, but the general trends are clearly different.
Are you using more of one type? Or the other?
It might look like a joke, but it isn't. At least not for me. I totally judge women by these aesthetics. I used to make fun of my ex-wife when she used "grandma" clothes, which she did quite frequently. I was respectful though. She didn't seem hurt, but she didn't change either. She thought that me, "as a man", didn't grasp anything about style, so she didn't care. However, it was an important turn-off for me.
It is still my subjective opinion, but I would be curious to know if others disagree on these overall directions...
Anything else being equal, I could totally see you attracting older men (50+) if you have a "grandma" aesthetic. And it wouldn't be because they have a different taste, but more because they have learnt to focus on other fundamentals and in your personality as a whole.
Lilly, you said you go frequently to the gym and that you are reasonably fit, right? That's really great.
You also said at some point that you basically use dresses and summer sandals, right? Well here things seem evident, but they are not. It might feel pretentious to give advice about clothing to women, but I will do it anyway. This is my take: there are different types of dresses and different types of sandals. Different types can elicit very different reactions from men. Men are very visual and clothes' aesthetics can have a huge impact. It can be night or day.
Anyway, here's what I think: there are grandma dresses and sexy dresses, as well as grandma sandals and sexy sandals.
I could post pictures from Google but I will just suggest you Google it yourself these exact expressions:
"grandma dress"
"sexy dress"
"grandma sandals"
"sexy sandals"
I've just done it and the results match quite well what I expected: the difference is huge! Not everything is consistent, but the general trends are clearly different.
Are you using more of one type? Or the other?
It might look like a joke, but it isn't. At least not for me. I totally judge women by these aesthetics. I used to make fun of my ex-wife when she used "grandma" clothes, which she did quite frequently. I was respectful though. She didn't seem hurt, but she didn't change either. She thought that me, "as a man", didn't grasp anything about style, so she didn't care. However, it was an important turn-off for me.
It is still my subjective opinion, but I would be curious to know if others disagree on these overall directions...
Anything else being equal, I could totally see you attracting older men (50+) if you have a "grandma" aesthetic. And it wouldn't be because they have a different taste, but more because they have learnt to focus on other fundamentals and in your personality as a whole.
The age is significant in that I’m looking for a husband who’s at max. 10 years older than me (so late 30s at most) and have children. Ideally I only want to be with one man in my lifetime, but an article on GirlsChase about sexual awakening and virgins becoming “hoes” after their first time does make me somewhat hesitant about that plan. So maybe one or two short-term partners before finding my husband would be better, I don’t know.Can be plenty of reasons for that happening. The question is: what do you seek in your partner?
Is the age significant or is it more about the connection you can have. Do you find them somewhat attractive regardless of their age, or not?
Regarding why the shown interest comes more from older men:
- Maybe the older men are just more comfortable expressing their intentions or don't worry about the consequences
- Maybe something in the stereotype you exhibit is especially interesting for older men: don't know what you look like or your style is so can't really say much on it
- Maybe the younger men are more easily attracted to someone that shows sexuality blatantly. I think for some men with older age comes less reliance on the clearcut 'sex' looks and more on the 'nice girl' aspect of it besides that. But that's just what I observe, may be true in very specific cases.
I think in general young men often are more responsive to extreme shows of skin or sexuality compared to older men, but can't verify this as I, as a middle-aged man, just respond positively to both
That said, if you already get 5 men that are interested in you, and one of them is also your age. perhaps with enough time or volume of getting in touch with those, you can already find some guys that are interesting enough to you to 'experiment' with?
Just don't feel the need to do anything you are uncomfortable with.
No, I don’t find those 50+ men not attractive at all.
I wear long but fashionable (no old-school patterns or dark Victorian colors) dresses. I’ve admittedly always felt uncomfortable wearing too revealing clothing and if I forced myself into a crop top and a short skirt, I wouldn’t want to leave the house.
Besides, I think it’s got more to do with my “more mature” and serious demeanor than my style. But I can’t change my personality into becoming some loud-mouth either. Especially since it’d be obviously fake and I want a man to like me for myself, not for some mask.
I hope so. I go out alone every day and keep an eye out for men my age who look attractive to me, so I’m actively working on being exposed to more volume.
Thank you!
I’d say the clothing I own is somewhere in between. I wear long dresses that are light and flowy in fabric with a modern look (think long modest beach dresses).
I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing super short dresses outside alone, as there’s many muslim migrants around and the rape statistics are getting higher. The shortest dresses I wear outside reach mid-thigh and even in those I frequently tug on the hem because I feel exposed and unsafe.
Some clothing examples I wear:
Pretty much my sandals. At the beach I wear a bikini.
One of my shorter dresses
Another
Another
A long dress I like (unfortunately without a model wearing it).
I hope this helps.