How do you keep a cold approach conversation alive after the first 30 secs

[Arnav]

Hey everyone,

I've been practicing cold approaches for about 2 weeks now. My approach anxiety is mostly gone and I'm getting better, but I'm having trouble keeping the conversation going after the opener.

My current structure is:

1. Direct compliment opener
2. Cold read
3. Ask about her profession

Example:
Me: "Hey, I just saw you and had to say you have a great sense of style."
Her: "Thanks!"
Me: My name is x
Her: okay, I am y.
Me: "You're dressed very professional — do you work in something related to finance or software?"
Her: "Actually, I'm a corporate lawyer / biotech researcher."
...And then I get stuck.

I don’t know much about these fields, so teasing or asking follow-ups feels awkward. Should I keep asking about her job, pivot to something personal, or throw in another cold read?

Is the "job question" a dead end if I can’t relate, or am I just missing how to transition?

Appreciate any advice!

 

[average_daygamer]

Caveat: This is my sticking point as well.

You definitely need to transition from the job subject, but you also need to make a comment.

Get her to talk about it in a way it relates to her, so for instance "what motivates you to go and do that job".

Put the pressure on her to explain it a bit instead of yourself.

And then you can throw in a cold read on what her hobbies are.

From my basic understanding, you need to keep the conversation away from work related boring topics.

You need to get her chatting about her hobbies and related stuff to find out about her as a person and what her personality is.

That's all I've got, but I will be interested to see what more experienced members have to say as this is a sticking point for me as well.

 

[MrVariety]

Reconsider your structure.

Professions are usually boring topics.

Mr Variety

 

[Will_V]

Hey everyone,

I've been practicing cold approaches for about 2 weeks now. My approach anxiety is mostly gone and I'm getting better, but I'm having trouble keeping the conversation going after the opener.

My current structure is:

1. Direct compliment opener
2. Cold read
3. Ask about her profession

Example:
Me: "Hey, I just saw you and had to say you have a great sense of style."
Her: "Thanks!"
Me: My name is x
Her: okay, I am y.
Me: "You're dressed very professional — do you work in something related to finance or software?"
Her: "Actually, I'm a corporate lawyer / biotech researcher."
...And then I get stuck.

I don’t know much about these fields, so teasing or asking follow-ups feels awkward. Should I keep asking about her job, pivot to something personal, or throw in another cold read?

Is the "job question" a dead end if I can’t relate, or am I just missing how to transition?

Appreciate any advice!

A couple of good ways to respond to her job:

a) "Is that fun?"especially good if you find it boring or don't know anything about it.

b) Make a teasing comment about it. "Does that mean you XYZ?" <some exaggerated stereotype of the job>

e.g.

Her: "I'm a financial analyst."
You: "Does that mean you're good with numbers?"
Her: "Yeah I guess so!"
You: "I bet you can multiply 2548 by 4567 in your head".
Her: "haha I don't think so"
You: "So what do you like about it?"

or

Her: "I'm a biotech researcher."
You: "Ah, I knew you were a nerd." <smiling>
Her: "Haha"
You: "I bet you stay in the lab until midnight in your little labcoat staring through your microscope."
Her: "Haha sometimes".
You: "I'm a bit of a nerd too .. so why do you like being a researcher?"

Don't:

- Be all impressed about her job
- Pretend you know about it when you don't
- Ask boring questions about it
- Try and find lame commonality with her

Remember the goal isn't to find out random facts of information about her, but to find out what sort of girl she is. So when you get facts about her always use it to steer toward questions about her personality and identity.

 

[Chase]

@Arnav,

Instead of ask her what her profession is, ask her what she DOES.

Small difference, and girls in love with their profession can answer with that, but it leaves a lot of wiggle room for women to tell you about whatever they really want to associate themselves with.

Also, I would recommend saving that until you've had at least a little back-and-forth, unless you are looking for someone to hire or something. That would be the one time to lead with profession ("What do you do? Because I'm a recruiter looking for some heads to hunt!").

Really you want to inject some color, character, a little flirtation, maybe some cold reads, teases, etc., into the first 30 seconds.

I have an example conversation you may want to check out here:

Conversation Example

An example conversation (and accompanying point-by-point breakdown) with a woman just met, from the bumpy beginning to a bit after reaching the conversation's "hook point." A few weeks back one of the readers here requested I get up an example of how a typical conversation goes for me with a new...

www.girlschase.com

Also, this article on opener cycling (examples on early conversation):

Tactics Tuesdays: Opener Cycling

If at first your opener doesn’t hook, try, try again. That’s the basis of opener cycling: using more than one opener on one girl. Don’t just open weak then plow. Not every time you open a girl will she open with gusto. Sometimes all you get is a blasé response. She doesn't reject you, per se...

www.girlschase.com

Here's another conversation example:

Conversation Example: Repartee

This conversation example shows how to build flirtation, banter, and excitement in the initial Repartee Stage with a girl. Follow along & watch it unfold! A short while back, a reader requested the following: Chase, in HTMGC you say repartee is to be used after the opener and that it consists of...

www.girlschase.com

In that one the guy never asks the girl her profession at all, and does not even mention his own until her friend joins them and he needs to reassure the friend he's a trustworthy guy.

Focus on making it a fun conversation she is going to enjoy and have good emotions from, rather than a "just the facts" interview like you're putting together a stat sheet on her or something (which isn't fun or sexy).

Cheers,
Chase

 

[Skills]

Hey everyone,

I've been practicing cold approaches for about 2 weeks now. My approach anxiety is mostly gone and I'm getting better, but I'm having trouble keeping the conversation going after the opener.

My current structure is:

1. Direct compliment opener
2. Cold read
3. Ask about her profession

Example:
Me: "Hey, I just saw you and had to say you have a great sense of style."
Her: "Thanks!"
Me: My name is x
Her: okay, I am y.
Me: "You're dressed very professional — do you work in something related to finance or software?"
Her: "Actually, I'm a corporate lawyer / biotech researcher."
...And then I get stuck.

I don’t know much about these fields, so teasing or asking follow-ups feels awkward. Should I keep asking about her job, pivot to something personal, or throw in another cold read?

Is the "job question" a dead end if I can’t relate, or am I just missing how to transition?

Appreciate any advice!

^ the thing is you are in your head (is normal cause you are new), as you keep interacting you will be able not to be in your head and riff, (i don't know if the term exists)....

Look at you! (with excitement), nothing more attractive than a smart girl that knows what she wants........ I will make you my lawyer, anyways, is your boyfriend a lawyer or researcher as well?????

hb: i don't have a bf...

you: oh really(with a surprise rewarding sexy change of tone of voice), we should get together some day to talk about mergers and acquisitions, let me give you my number...

or

you: oh really, you don't have a bf, i am on my way to get coffee why don't you joint me and get to know me i got a warned you i am very charming...


^ riffing....

But try to go more into seductive topics which are: tarrot signs, relationships dynamics etc...

Seduction topics.- zodiac signs ,bdsm, tantra, Kamasutra, break ups (this is a really good topic learn my post with the links), fitness(super minimally), massages, social dynamics (chase articles in your own words), yoga(super minimally, nutrition (super minimally), relationships and managing relationship expectations, dah sex (indirectly sexual authority and knowledge aka teevester stuff alek rolstand from chase stuff)

Socializing - How to flirt mini guide for in person gaming and digital gaming (texting).....

Guys have been requesting for me to do a mini guide on this, so here we go: So what is flirting: "Flirting or coquetry is a social and sexual behavior involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[gameboy]

Seduction topics.- zodiac signs ,bdsm, tantra, Kamasutra, break ups (this is a really good topic learn my post with the links), fitness(super minimally), massages, social dynamics (chase articles in your own words), yoga(super minimally, nutrition (super minimally), relationships and managing relationship expectations, dah sex (indirectly sexual authority and knowledge aka teevester stuff alek rolstand from chase stuff)

This is gold! Now if I could only remember half of it when in set

 

[Spike]

This is gold! Now if I could only remember half of it when in set

All you gotta do is just remember to ask a girl what her sign is. Which is the easiest way to segue into relationship and sex talk

 

[gameboy]

All you gotta do is just remember to ask a girl what her sign is. Which is the easiest way to segue into relationship and sex talk

That's a very good suggestion. Going to give it a try next approach.

 

[Skills]

This is gold! Now if I could only remember half of it when in set

Is not really you have to go into topics, but you want to go into light hearted or fun topics or even not topics just vibing, i am saying if you want to get into topics those are preferable.... What you don't want is logical normie topics or convos... Brah we talk about those topics 24 hours in the forum lol . You don't really need to remember most of it you know all that, people get nervous and in their heads, eventually all that will go away with reps...

 

[Chase]

@gameboy,

This is gold! Now if I could only remember half of it when in set

Pick two topics, take them out with you when you go out, have a mission to use each one at least once with a girl.

Repeat for a week or two until very comfortable with those topics.

Then switch to two different topics, taking those out with you every time, with a mission to use each at least once with a girl.

Keep going until you're reasonably familiar with each.

Methodical practice gets you there in the end, typically a lot faster than trying to remember everything all at once.

Chase

 

[Skills]

@Arnav I have this sample in one of my videos, but i will post just the clip, look at this playful banter, the girl was a lawyer in the sample (A bit of Hollywood and the dude went overly cocky(you don't want to go as direct in real life) but just look how he is playful with the profession), though he bang in the movie in a second encounter(first encounter she had a bf, second post break up in movie)...

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Hey everyone,

I've been practicing cold approaches for about 2 weeks now. My approach anxiety is mostly gone and I'm getting better, but I'm having trouble keeping the conversation going after the opener.

My current structure is:

1. Direct compliment opener
2. Cold read
3. Ask about her profession

Example:
Me: "Hey, I just saw you and had to say you have a great sense of style."
Her: "Thanks!"
Me: My name is x
Her: okay, I am y.
Me: "You're dressed very professional — do you work in something related to finance or software?"
Her: "Actually, I'm a corporate lawyer / biotech researcher."
...And then I get stuck.

I don’t know much about these fields, so teasing or asking follow-ups feels awkward. Should I keep asking about her job, pivot to something personal, or throw in another cold read?

Is the "job question" a dead end if I can’t relate, or am I just missing how to transition?

Appreciate any advice!

What's the context here?

Day Game?

Night Game at a Bar? At a club?

WIA

 

[Arnav]

@Arnav,

Instead of ask her what her profession is, ask her what she DOES.

Small difference, and girls in love with their profession can answer with that, but it leaves a lot of wiggle room for women to tell you about whatever they really want to associate themselves with.

Also, I would recommend saving that until you've had at least a little back-and-forth, unless you are looking for someone to hire or something. That would be the one time to lead with profession ("What do you do? Because I'm a recruiter looking for some heads to hunt!").

Really you want to inject some color, character, a little flirtation, maybe some cold reads, teases, etc., into the first 30 seconds.

I have an example conversation you may want to check out here:

Conversation Example

An example conversation (and accompanying point-by-point breakdown) with a woman just met, from the bumpy beginning to a bit after reaching the conversation's "hook point." A few weeks back one of the readers here requested I get up an example of how a typical conversation goes for me with a new...

www.girlschase.com

Also, this article on opener cycling (examples on early conversation):

Tactics Tuesdays: Opener Cycling

If at first your opener doesn’t hook, try, try again. That’s the basis of opener cycling: using more than one opener on one girl. Don’t just open weak then plow. Not every time you open a girl will she open with gusto. Sometimes all you get is a blasé response. She doesn't reject you, per se...

www.girlschase.com

Here's another conversation example:

Conversation Example: Repartee

This conversation example shows how to build flirtation, banter, and excitement in the initial Repartee Stage with a girl. Follow along & watch it unfold! A short while back, a reader requested the following: Chase, in HTMGC you say repartee is to be used after the opener and that it consists of...

www.girlschase.com

In that one the guy never asks the girl her profession at all, and does not even mention his own until her friend joins them and he needs to reassure the friend he's a trustworthy guy.

Focus on making it a fun conversation she is going to enjoy and have good emotions from, rather than a "just the facts" interview like you're putting together a stat sheet on her or something (which isn't fun or sexy).

Cheers,
Chase

I think I already use some of these techniques, but I often run into a wall when the girl responds with one-word answers.

What stands out in the conv examples in these artices is that the you push for more — you press and demand fuller responses. That’s something I’m a bit uncomfortable doing. I worry it might come off as annoying or make her auto-reject me.

Some girls light up immediately when I open them — their reaction is warm, and that makes everything easier. It gives me an instant boost and the conversation flows naturally from there.

But it's the neutral girls — the ones who seem polite but not really engaged — where I feel the most pressure. I’m left guessing: Is she just being nice? Or is she mildly interested?

That uncertainty puts the burden on me to carry the interaction: asking the right questions, saying something funny, keeping things moving.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I think I already use some of these techniques, but I often run into a wall when the girl responds with one-word answers.

What stands out in the conv examples in these artices is that the you push for more — you press and demand fuller responses. That’s something I’m a bit uncomfortable doing. I worry it might come off as annoying or make her auto-reject me.

Some girls light up immediately when I open them — their reaction is warm, and that makes everything easier. It gives me an instant boost and the conversation flows naturally from there.

But it's the neutral girls — the ones who seem polite but not really engaged — where I feel the most pressure. I’m left guessing: Is she just being nice? Or is she mildly interested?

That uncertainty puts the burden on me to carry the interaction: asking the right questions, saying something funny, keeping things moving.

I feel that the issue is beyond just continuing the conversation.

If the problem is with girls that are not particularly interested to talk, then I don't think that you can use much conversational techniques or topics to change it.

Like if she is giving one word answers, and she looks like she would prefer you not being there, basically you trying to keep talking is just making her more irritated.

I would say that when she is not hooking a lot, the advice in the opener cycling article is what I would go for, that said this still needs her to be at least a bit open to talk and not wanting to be left alone.

There is also the scenario that she just talks in a friendly way, but will not comply to any leading of yours or flirty conversation, and basically she is not interested in anything more than a friendly chat.

I believe that having some ways to express yourself in a variety of topics that could subtly show you are a man worth getting to know and get her intrigued can help run the interaction more and have her open up.

However, in the end I feel it's just about how interested she is to you due to your fundamentals, how she has seen you behave in the environment and interact with others ( social proof, preselection ), how smooth the way you approached her was and of course in what kind of headspace she is.

If after judging all these initially, she gets the feeling that she wouldn't want to interact with you, I believe it's very difficult to change that through conversation in a scenario where she has no reason to sit and talk to you.

I mean in the Ryan Gosling video, the friend is clearly very much into him from the get go, and Emma Stone herself is a bit more closed and testy but clearly also intrigued.

So if the problem is that you don't find enough women that feel at least a bit intrigued to have a fun conversation with you, but when you do find them you can have a conversation like that normally, I don't think the conversation itself is the biggest issue.

 

[Chase]

@Arnav,

What stands out in the conv examples in these artices is that the you push for more — you press and demand fuller responses. That’s something I’m a bit uncomfortable doing. I worry it might come off as annoying or make her auto-reject me.

Well, first off, she is not going to auto-reject you (i.e., feel that you are unattainable to her) when you are standing there asking her questions despite her obstinance. If anything, you risk looking like you are chasing a bit, which puts you closer to "no challenge" land than it does to "unattainable" land.

Second off, pushing a bit past the boundary of being rude or annoying is just a phase you have to go through if you want to develop enough finesse to be able to go right up TO the boundary line without going over with future girls. Every guy has to have an asshole phase:

How to Be an Asshole – and Become Adored by Women

If you've paid much attention to the men that women gravitate towards, they're pretty much all assholes. Yeah, sure... deep down, they may actually be good guys. "An asshole with a heart of gold", for instance. But, they're still assholes. If you yourself are not an asshole though, adopting some...

www.girlschase.com

I assume you're meeting girls through cold approach? If some girl is slightly annoyed because you asked her five questions instead of two, is that going to change anything else in your life?

You need to switch your mentality from, "I need to make sure every girl likes me," (which will incentivize you to never rock the boat) to, "I need to get enough practice in so I can learn the rules and learn how to smoothly draw women into conversation even if at first they aren't biting," (which will incentivize you to do what you need to do to learn).

Some girls light up immediately when I open them — their reaction is warm, and that makes everything easier. It gives me an instant boost and the conversation flows naturally from there.

These are the girls you do not really need much 'game' for at all.

They are the 'lucky strikes'. Better fundamentals, etc., will help you meet more of them.

But if you rely on them your dating options will be relatively slim...

But it's the neutral girls — the ones who seem polite but not really engaged — where I feel the most pressure. I’m left guessing: Is she just being nice? Or is she mildly interested?

That uncertainty puts the burden on me to carry the interaction: asking the right questions, saying something funny, keeping things moving.

Women will generally mirror the interest level you're showing to them.

So if the default is somewhat neutral/polite, you are probably being a bit too neutral/polite in your opens. Again, this stems from the same "I need her to like me so I don't want to seem too pushy or over-eager" mentality rattling around in your head.

This is one of the magic tricks a good seducer has that regular guys don't: he can approach a girl and using nothing but his own expressiveness and her mirror neurons he can elicit what appears to be a high degree of interest from her right away. When I used to take guys out in-field and do demonstration approaches the guys would always comment after, "Wow, that girl was REALLY into you!" Sometimes she is, but sometimes she is just mirroring my approach, because that is what women do if you seem like a reasonably cool guy and you are being EXPRESSIVE. But get her to mirror you long enough and even the girls who weren't all that interested can start to wonder to themselves if maybe they are.

That is one favor you can do for yourself: improve your expressiveness / enthusiasm until you reach the point where the majority of girls you approach are responding fairly strongly positive and not just neutral/polite.

The other thing is to compliance test. Compliance testing is your ultimate interest key. She gives you one-word answers but she'll follow you anywhere, do anything you ask her to? She is very shy, or else a deep introvert, but she will go to bed with you!

She gives you long-winded, excited answers but refuses you compliance when you ask for it? You've happened upon a chatty extrovert who just loves to talk and has no sexual interest in you whatsoever! She will not go to bed with you!

In the end, it comes down to reactions vs. results -- are you looking for the chatty, friendly girl who will happily talk your ear off for hours on end, but never goes to bed with you, or the quiet, mousy girl who's not very good with people and just squeaks out short answers, but will follow your lead and take off her clothes for you?

Focus on getting results; deprioritize the reactions!

Reactions from Women, or Results with Women?

I intended for this to be a shorter post, since I’ve put up a few long ones in a row and I didn’t get much sleep last night as I’m still rocking a jet lag (so much for my claims to not be affected by that… it’s good though, I’m waking up early in the morning and cranking on stuff I want to work...

www.girlschase.com

Chase

 

[Arnav]

@Arnav,



Well, first off, she is not going to auto-reject you (i.e., feel that you are unattainable to her) when you are standing there asking her questions despite her obstinance. If anything, you risk looking like you are chasing a bit, which puts you closer to "no challenge" land than it does to "unattainable" land.

Second off, pushing a bit past the boundary of being rude or annoying is just a phase you have to go through if you want to develop enough finesse to be able to go right up TO the boundary line without going over with future girls. Every guy has to have an asshole phase:

How to Be an Asshole – and Become Adored by Women

If you've paid much attention to the men that women gravitate towards, they're pretty much all assholes. Yeah, sure... deep down, they may actually be good guys. "An asshole with a heart of gold", for instance. But, they're still assholes. If you yourself are not an asshole though, adopting some...

www.girlschase.com

I assume you're meeting girls through cold approach? If some girl is slightly annoyed because you asked her five questions instead of two, is that going to change anything else in your life?

You need to switch your mentality from, "I need to make sure every girl likes me," (which will incentivize you to never rock the boat) to, "I need to get enough practice in so I can learn the rules and learn how to smoothly draw women into conversation even if at first they aren't biting," (which will incentivize you to do what you need to do to learn).



These are the girls you do not really need much 'game' for at all.

They are the 'lucky strikes'. Better fundamentals, etc., will help you meet more of them.

But if you rely on them your dating options will be relatively slim...



Women will generally mirror the interest level you're showing to them.

So if the default is somewhat neutral/polite, you are probably being a bit too neutral/polite in your opens. Again, this stems from the same "I need her to like me so I don't want to seem too pushy or over-eager" mentality rattling around in your head.

This is one of the magic tricks a good seducer has that regular guys don't: he can approach a girl and using nothing but his own expressiveness and her mirror neurons he can elicit what appears to be a high degree of interest from her right away. When I used to take guys out in-field and do demonstration approaches the guys would always comment after, "Wow, that girl was REALLY into you!" Sometimes she is, but sometimes she is just mirroring my approach, because that is what women do if you seem like a reasonably cool guy and you are being EXPRESSIVE. But get her to mirror you long enough and even the girls who weren't all that interested can start to wonder to themselves if maybe they are.

That is one favor you can do for yourself: improve your expressiveness / enthusiasm until you reach the point where the majority of girls you approach are responding fairly strongly positive and not just neutral/polite.

The other thing is to compliance test. Compliance testing is your ultimate interest key. She gives you one-word answers but she'll follow you anywhere, do anything you ask her to? She is very shy, or else a deep introvert, but she will go to bed with you!

She gives you long-winded, excited answers but refuses you compliance when you ask for it? You've happened upon a chatty extrovert who just loves to talk and has no sexual interest in you whatsoever! She will not go to bed with you!

In the end, it comes down to reactions vs. results -- are you looking for the chatty, friendly girl who will happily talk your ear off for hours on end, but never goes to bed with you, or the quiet, mousy girl who's not very good with people and just squeaks out short answers, but will follow your lead and take off her clothes for you?

Focus on getting results; deprioritize the reactions!

Reactions from Women, or Results with Women?

I intended for this to be a shorter post, since I’ve put up a few long ones in a row and I didn’t get much sleep last night as I’m still rocking a jet lag (so much for my claims to not be affected by that… it’s good though, I’m waking up early in the morning and cranking on stuff I want to work...

www.girlschase.com

Chase

Aahhh, gotcha.

Now I know why you always advise approaching girls you are excited by, it trigers her excitement in return.

I had a vague idea seeing other guys behave this way, I didn't this was labelled as enthusiasim/expressiveness.

Now you mention it, some girls have did it to me as well, where their eagerness made me feel good about myself and lowered my guard.

Thanks chase!