Special Girl My crush keeps telling me about her sexual life

[TrailBlazer]

I need to slap you.

SLAP!

Jokes aside (or now begins the actual slapping). Listen very carefully: You pussied out. Nothing never didn't just not happen. (Omg does that sentence even compute?) What happened was that you didn't make it happen. Now you've learned the hard way that you have to make it happen.

So... What will you do next time someone says that they keep thinking about you?

That's right: You will make it happen. By escalating. Even if you don't "feel" the correct vibe yet. And even if nothing has "happened" yet (you're the only one who can make things happen mkay). Cuz you're there alone with her for a reason. She put herself in that position - alone with you - to make it easy for you, and now all you have left do to is to man up and do the rest. I.e. escalate. Kiss her. Make it happen.

You were essentially waiting for a perfect moment, and then you pussied out because you didn't get that perfect moment. Well, here's the perfect moment for you. Say "Omg." Then just pull her in and kiss her out of the blue. (You don't actually have to say omg before you kiss her but it can help.) Then give her some excuse like "Sorry, I just had to do that!" Or even better "Omg what are you doing to me?"

But you're afraid. What if she rejects your attempt. Well, then you at least tried. And then at least she has respect for you, cuz you just showed that you've got a pair. Moreover, if you just keep talking as if nothing happened, or just make a slight excuse like "Oh sorry" if you are rejected, then just switch the topic, keep talking and try again later. It's always better to try, and get rejected, than not trying at all. (And if you wait for too long, she'll get pissed off at you for wasting her time, and you don't want that cuz she'll not just get pissed at you - she'll also tell her friends what a waste of time you are.) Bottom line is, you have to make it happen. And not feeling it is just an excuse. And a poor one at that. Remember, she's there alone with you for a reason.

Tho make sure you stay close to her. Always. In situations like that. Because if you are ten metres away from her and suddenly feel the urge to kiss her, then... Man, you'll have to cross a bunch of space to get there, and on the way you'll feel awkward, or worse, you'll trip on something cuz you're so nervous. So, do the two of you a favour and stay within arms reach of her as much as possible. Makes it easier for when you do feel it.

With that said, don't expect a long term relationship with this girl. Expect fun times, and wrap it up. She obviously likes to have fun, so don't fall in love with her, ok.

End note: Is my advice possible some uncalibrated shit that risks rejection? Yes. But if you don't risk it, you'll never find out either. And if you do try it, there is so much upside. Even if she rejects you, instead of telling her friends that you're a safe loser, she'll tell them that "Omg what a man, did you know he tried to kiss me? Yeah, he did!" So, even if you don't get her in particular, now all her friends will be hot for you. See, almost only upsides to going for it, even if uncalibrated. And when you try it enough times, you learn - and then you become smooth. But you never become smooth on the first try, so you gotta go for it. Always.

Okay, so I did what you told me, and it backfired:/

On our last meeting she was still a little touchy and quite close to me, so I escalated despite not feeling it at all. I felt needy, nervous, unsure.. but I did it anyway. How did it go?

Well, since I felt unsure, she did too. And it didn’t go too well. It was like escalating on a dead fish. I was very close to being rejected. And I'm trying not to have verbalised rejection in this relationship, because it would make things harder the next time.

So unfortunately, escalating while not in the vibe is not a good idea in my case. I also asked her out outside of our regular friendly meetings, still in an unsure way (because you told me to do it anyway) and she hesitated so I took the offer back.

So yes I have to be in the vibe!

 

[Ratata]

I was very close to being rejected.

You were very close to being rejected? How do you know, when you stopped?

I also asked her out outside of our regular friendly meetings, still in an unsure way (because you told me to do it anyway) and she hesitated so I took the offer back.

Ok, so you caved because you couldn't handle the pressure? (I also told you that there are risks, and that you need to get better at this - and the only way to do that, is to push boundaries.)

What are you afraid of here?

 

[TrailBlazer]

You were very close to being rejected? How do you know, when you stopped?

Because I’ve been there many times in the past. I can tell when a girl is feeling uncomfortable. And in the past I did push boundaries and at 2 cases the girls even left the date early because they felt unsafe.

There is good pressure and bad pressure. Here I had a weird vibe and the pressure was only making it worse.

I’m afraid of being seen as the weird uncle who touches children. Like “come here girl hehehe, where’s my hug?? ”.

Also I’m afraid of making my interest in her too obvious too soon. We are in a social anxiety coaching program after all, so it needs to be low key.

But what I want is to reach that phase where I just escalate and have that killer instinct and it just works. I’ve been there in the past, kissed many girls minutes after approaching them. But now I don’t know how to get there again.

You say I have to practice it, but right now I get no dates from daygame and it will take months before I can calibrate myself and stop scaring girls or doing nothing again.

 

[topcat]

right now I get no dates from daygame

This should be the first thing you try to fix. It’s also the reason you’re afraid to push the envelope and don’t have the volume to dial in your calibration.

 

[TrailBlazer]

This should be the first thing you try to fix. It’s also the reason you’re afraid to push the envelope and don’t have the volume to dial in your calibration.

I mean yeah but what about all those guys that would never even manage to stop a girl on the street, yet they get dates from other sources anyway? Why can’t I be like them? They don’t have to calibrate, maybe they know something we don’t.

 

[topcat]

I mean yeah but what about all those guys that would never even manage to stop a girl on the street, yet they get dates from other sources anyway? Why can’t I be like them? They don’t have to calibrate, maybe they know something we don’t.

Go ask them then. If we don't have it, why are you asking us?

 

[Ratata]

First of all, kudos for actually going through with it! That requires balls.

Because I’ve been there many times in the past. I can tell when a girl is feeling uncomfortable. And in the past I did push boundaries and at 2 cases the girls even left the date early because they felt unsafe.

You say you’ve been there before; that you can tell when girls feel uncomfortable. But you also said you didn’t feel the vibe. So why escalate at all? Were you trying to execute a tactic? Or were you just trying to avoid rejection and regret?

There is good pressure and bad pressure. Here I had a weird vibe and the pressure was only making it worse.

But from who’s perspective? Hers? Or yours? Seems to me she was going with it just fine until you chickened out.

I’m afraid of being seen as the weird uncle who touches children. Like “come here girl hehehe, where’s my hug?? ”.

Lol how young is she? Sorry. that’s a projection. A man who leads with intent doesn’t act creepy. He owns the room.

Also I’m afraid of making my interest in her too obvious too soon. We are in a social anxiety coaching program after all, so it needs to be low key.

Ok, so you're in a social anxiety program together? I think I read further up that she's a coach. Well, is she your coach? If you really had any romantic or sexual vibes with her before (did you), would it be natural to try to seduce your social anxiety coach?

I think perhaps this is what bothers me the most about this. It seems unclear if you were meeting casually, or if you're part of some programme. And btw. that's regardless of whether she's your coach or not.

Can you please expand upon this?

But if she is your coach, yeah, I'd keep it low key too! Unless there are some very real innuendos at play. Example: a collegue of mine, in a more senior position, would confess her bad relationship with her husband, and then she put her hand on my knee. She obviously wanted me to seduce her, but - well - I didn't feel like seducing her. I would if she were hotter, though. Otoh I did end up banging my university tutor. Younger than me, but it wouldn't have been great for her if that got out lol.

With that said, you also said that she keeps hinting, and talks overtly about sexual encounters, giving you sort of mixed signals - is that right? Well, would a professional coach do that sort of thing in a social anxiety program?

But what I want is to reach that phase where I just escalate and have that killer instinct and it just works. I’ve been there in the past, kissed many girls minutes after approaching them. But now I don’t know how to get there again.

You want to “just escalate and it works.” But it never just works. You only notice it working when you’re already confident. So the real question is: Why aren’t you confident anymore?

You say I have to practice it, but right now I get no dates from daygame and it will take months before I can calibrate myself and stop scaring girls or doing nothing again.

Looks like you're afraid of scaring girls. It also looks like you're fairly afraid of rejection. Meanwhile, if you don't push boundaries, you'll end up in super unhealthy "friendships", i.e. incredibly frustrating orbiter situations that really just set you back and slow you down.

Like I said, it's always beneficial to escalate and make your intention known. Even at the risk of her getting pissed off (though obviously don't do something that will get you reported somewhere). Why is that? Well, it "is that" because:

1. if she rejects you, you can move on sooner, and thus get laid sooner - with someone else. I.e. it stops wasting your time
2. even if she rejects you, if you are tactful about it, she'll now tell her friends what a romantic hero you are, and they'll be interested in you (unless you acted like that creepy uncle we talked about lol)
3. lastly, if she doesn't reject you ... profit?

In the case above (and with one small caveat) you have 2/3 upside from going for it, rather than chickening out. But yeah, there are risks. But IMHO way better to know for certain, and move one from a girl that obviously wastes your time for your continued attention. So you gotta push that boundary, at least as far that you know where you two stand. (i.e. don't be the chump who asks her "where do we stand" but be the Don Juan who seduces her and goes for the kiss - and produces that vibe where it's possible, and who is hero enough to not chicken out due to fear of rejection, or even some awkward moments that will really just save you a bunch of time)

I mean yeah but what about all those guys that would never even manage to stop a girl on the street, yet they get dates from other sources anyway? Why can’t I be like them? They don’t have to calibrate, maybe they know something we don’t.

Holy shit, I feel you bro. I, for one, think it's deeply unfair that I haven't yet won the national lottery.

 

[TrailBlazer]

First of all, kudos for actually going through with it! That requires balls.



You say you’ve been there before; that you can tell when girls feel uncomfortable. But you also said you didn’t feel the vibe. So why escalate at all? Were you trying to execute a tactic? Or were you just trying to avoid rejection and regret?



But from who’s perspective? Hers? Or yours? Seems to me she was going with it just fine until you chickened out.



Lol how young is she? Sorry. that’s a projection. A man who leads with intent doesn’t act creepy. He owns the room.



Ok, so you're in a social anxiety program together? I think I read further up that she's a coach. Well, is she your coach? If you really had any romantic or sexual vibes with her before (did you), would it be natural to try to seduce your social anxiety coach?

I think perhaps this is what bothers me the most about this. It seems unclear if you were meeting casually, or if you're part of some programme. And btw. that's regardless of whether she's your coach or not.

Can you please expand upon this?

But if she is your coach, yeah, I'd keep it low key too! Unless there are some very real innuendos at play. Example: a collegue of mine, in a more senior position, would confess her bad relationship with her husband, and then she put her hand on my knee. She obviously wanted me to seduce her, but - well - I didn't feel like seducing her. I would if she were hotter, though. Otoh I did end up banging my university tutor. Younger than me, but it wouldn't have been great for her if that got out lol.

With that said, you also said that she keeps hinting, and talks overtly about sexual encounters, giving you sort of mixed signals - is that right? Well, would a professional coach do that sort of thing in a social anxiety program?



You want to “just escalate and it works.” But it never just works. You only notice it working when you’re already confident. So the real question is: Why aren’t you confident anymore?



Looks like you're afraid of scaring girls. It also looks like you're fairly afraid of rejection. Meanwhile, if you don't push boundaries, you'll end up in super unhealthy "friendships", i.e. incredibly frustrating orbiter situations that really just set you back and slow you down.

Like I said, it's always beneficial to escalate and make your intention known. Even at the risk of her getting pissed off (though obviously don't do something that will get you reported somewhere). Why is that? Well, it "is that" because:

1. if she rejects you, you can move on sooner, and thus get laid sooner - with someone else. I.e. it stops wasting your time
2. even if she rejects you, if you are tactful about it, she'll now tell her friends what a romantic hero you are, and they'll be interested in you (unless you acted like that creepy uncle we talked about lol)
3. lastly, if she doesn't reject you ... profit?

In the case above (and with one small caveat) you have 2/3 upside from going for it, rather than chickening out. But yeah, there are risks. But IMHO way better to know for certain, and move one from a girl that obviously wastes your time for your continued attention. So you gotta push that boundary, at least as far that you know where you two stand. (i.e. don't be the chump who asks her "where do we stand" but be the Don Juan who seduces her and goes for the kiss - and produces that vibe where it's possible, and who is hero enough to not chicken out due to fear of rejection, or even some awkward moments that will really just save you a bunch of time)



Holy shit, I feel you bro. I, for one, think it's deeply unfair that I haven't yet won the national lottery.

So I don’t think you get me with the weird vibe thing. Yes, I know I have to push through and just escalate. But when I feel needy or unsure and do it anyway, it comes off really badly. As I told you, two girls have left in the middle of a date already because I was escalating with a creepy (stressed) vibe.

It’s good to practice escalating but when I know the reason behind the rejections and I feel absolutely terrible escalating (like ultra high heartbeat, heat through my face, almost passing out), I’d like to address that first!


This girl is my social anxiety coach from a college program. But yeah it’s clear that we have something more going on (how she told me she keeps thinking about me etc). Plus we’ve met outside the official hours once already, that was after I did my tantric touch routine and she gave me a window to invite her somewhere, so we went dancing but then I failed to continue the meeting because I invited her for a walk on a low note and she went home instead.

And she’s a terrible coach, she mostly talks about her relationship problems, so I won’t care about this not continuing. But still, everything has to be careful, calibrated and under the radar.

And why escalate when I didn’t feel the vibe? Well because the windows are there. She keeps touching me, talking about sex, etc., so since I also want her, of course I want to escalate. I just get stressed out because I’m very sensitive to the pressure, and so I become afraid and creepy. I need a way to learn to stay calm under that pressure. Two people sitting next to each other, who clearly want each other, but the guy can’t escalate in a normal way, that’s very stressful.

 

[topcat]

So I don’t think you get me with the weird vibe thing. Yes, I know I have to push through and just escalate. But when I feel needy or unsure and do it anyway, it comes off really badly. As I told you, two girls have left in the middle of a date already because I was escalating with a creepy (stressed) vibe.

It’s good to practice escalating but when I know the reason behind the rejections and I feel absolutely terrible escalating (like ultra high heartbeat, heat through my face, almost passing out), I’d like to address that first!


This girl is my social anxiety coach from a college program. But yeah it’s clear that we have something more going on (how she told me she keeps thinking about me etc). Plus we’ve met outside the official hours once already, that was after I did my tantric touch routine and she gave me a window to invite her somewhere, so we went dancing but then I failed to continue the meeting because I invited her for a walk on a low note and she went home instead.

And she’s a terrible coach, she mostly talks about her relationship problems, so I won’t care about this not continuing. But still, everything has to be careful, calibrated and under the radar.

And why escalate when I didn’t feel the vibe? Well because the windows are there. She keeps touching me, talking about sex, etc., so since I also want her, of course I want to escalate. I just get stressed out because I’m very sensitive to the pressure, and so I become afraid and creepy. I need a way to learn to stay calm under that pressure. Two people sitting next to each other, who clearly want each other, but the guy can’t escalate in a normal way, that’s very stressful.

Bro. Escalation whilst in public should be low key and low pressure. I think you overestimate what public escalation is supposed to look like, believing it’s higher stakes than it should be.

What escalation whilst in public with a chick you haven’t fucked yet should look like:

- You ask her some small talk questions to get her comfortable, a light joke sprinkled in perhaps
- you get her to open up, you listen and nod in approval
- you notice her body is turned towards you her body language relaxed, so you turn towards her and relax into the interaction, smiling more, more warm
- you deep dive more, leading by asking amplifying questions, following your own interests
- you like some things she says so you intermittently tap her leg or arm in approval as she says them, or while you’re asking another question
- you tell her she’s a cool girl and your pleasantly surprised by how this date is going.
- you get deeper now and the content of the conversation gets more (positively) emotional or the vibe gets subtly more sexual. she’s complying and enthusiastic
- you rest your hand on her thigh just above her knee. you take it off intermittently
- conversation goes well so you put your hand back slightly above the knee now, to reward her for the good vibes she’s returning
- you tell her how much you’re enjoying her company and how you’d love to continue this whilst [insert plausibly deniable excuse]
- she agrees, so you tell her how much you love her enthusiasm
- now you’re at home you escalate properly

I hope that illustrates how public escalation before you’ve properly isolated a girl should be very low pressure and only happen in response to her eager contribution to the interaction slowly (only) escalating things until (if) she is fully compliant..

 

[TrailBlazer]

Bro. Escalation whilst in public should be low key and low pressure. I think you overestimate what public escalation is supposed to look like, believing it’s higher stakes than it should be.

What escalation whilst in public with a chick you haven’t fucked yet should look like:

- You ask her some small talk questions to get her comfortable, a light joke sprinkled in perhaps
- you get her to open up, you listen and nod in approval
- you notice her body is turned towards you her body language relaxed, so you turn towards her and relax into the interaction, smiling more, more warm
- you deep dive more, leading by asking amplifying questions, following your own interests
- you like some things she says so you intermittently tap her leg or arm in approval as she says them, or while you’re asking another question
- you tell her she’s a cool girl and your pleasantly surprised by how this date is going.
- you get deeper now and the content of the conversation gets more (positively) emotional or the vibe gets subtly more sexual. she’s complying and enthusiastic
- you rest your hand on her thigh just above her knee. you take it off intermittently
- conversation goes well so you put your hand back slightly above the knee now, to reward her for the good vibes she’s returning
- you tell her how much you’re enjoying her company and how you’d love to continue this whilst [insert plausibly deniable excuse]
- she agrees, so you tell her how much you love her enthusiasm
- now you’re at home you escalate properly

I hope that illustrates how public escalation before you’ve properly isolated a girl should be very low pressure and only happen in response to her eager contribution to the interaction slowly (only) escalating things until (if) she is fully compliant..

This is all very nice but it assumes the guy is at least a little bit calm. How can I nonchalantly put my hand on her thigh when my heart is pounding and my vision is blurring as I feel I’m about to pass out from the pressure? And the pressure is there, as we know there are escalation windows and high points on which we have to touch. And every successful touch means I’ll have to move things forward and do another one, so it never ends… in a way it’s a relief when she rejects me! I do want the girl but I also don’t want to feel like my veins are about to explode! And girls often tell me I look very stressed + I shake a lot.

It’s all life or death, and that stresses me. I need more dates, more escalations, more experience to really become calm during this. But if there’s some way to do some inner work on this, that would be amazing. Someone already suggested I do diving training to stay calm under pressure.

 

[topcat]

This is all very nice but it assumes the guy is at least a little bit calm. How can I nonchalantly put my hand on her thigh when my heart is pounding and my vision is blurring as I feel I’m about to pass out from the pressure? And the pressure is there, as we know there are escalation windows and high points on which we have to touch. And every successful touch means I’ll have to move things forward and do another one, so it never ends… in a way it’s a relief when she rejects me! I do want the girl but I also don’t want to feel like my veins are about to explode! And girls often tell me I look very stressed + I shake a lot.

It’s all life or death, and that stresses me. I need more dates, more escalations, more experience to really become calm during this. But if there’s some way to do some inner work on this, that would be amazing. Someone already suggested I do diving training to stay calm under pressure.

well mate, my only advice to you given that, is do it despite you’re anxiety. you’ll probably get rejected, which you say is a relief anyway, but do it until you desensitize yourself. then once you’re no longer anxious, worry about getting the lay.

and get a better anxiety coach, preferably old, ugly or male so you’re not tempted to date them (i hope)..

 

[mirror]

Also I’d lose the hope that there are people who know me better than me and know the solution to my problems, basically people above me in terms of their life value. I wouldn’t even be posting these questions here because I know the answers. I’m just hoping that someone comes and saves me.

you're hiliarious you know... but you know and i know and wtf.

 

[mirror]

This is all very nice but it assumes the guy is at least a little bit calm. How can I nonchalantly put my hand on her thigh when my heart is pounding and my vision is blurring as I feel I’m about to pass out from the pressure?

Celebrate the little things and go step by step.

And the pressure is there, as we know there are escalation windows and high points on which we have to touch.

Still feels like putting too much pressure on yourself and her regarding the escalation windows and high points, but what do I know. Tantric sex and approaches can be so nice though.

And every successful touch means I’ll have to move things forward and do another one, so it never ends… in a way it’s a relief when she rejects me!

ho wait, you are moving 100000 miles an hour, go back to the present.

 

[Ratata]

Ok. I'm just gonna tear off the band aid here and let you have the cold, hard truth.

There's seemingly something there, but you're having a hard time closing. Usually, that's the outcome of an unclear, or hot-and-cold relationship with a woman just seeking attention. It's the classic hot and cold treatment.

How do you get out of it?

Well, you basically have two alternatives, and you won't like either one of them.:

1. You escalate. All the way, this time. Until she either accepts or leaves.
2. You leave.

If you leave, you've made the right choice. Find better women. It's not a complete loss to leave. Often it's best to just cut your losses and find better people. Though, I'd say this: Now you'll never know for sure, which can gnaw at a man. Still it's the second best choice out there.

However, if you don't escalate, you'll have to live with the fact that you're acting like an indecisive girl, and you know it. It's not a great way to live, but if you can't get out if it, then you have my sympathy. OTOH if she leaves or rejects you: Great! Now you know, and you can finally move on from this bs.

I mean, truth be told, you still have the third alternative which is to continue wasting your time and living in pain. Your choice.

 

[TrailBlazer]

ho wait, you are moving 100000 miles an hour, go back to the present.

So you’re saying I should enjoy the present moment, and not worry and plan all the time? Okay, but how can I control the interaction that way? We have to have a plan, right?

Ok. I'm just gonna tear off the band aid here and let you have the cold, hard truth.

There's seemingly something there, but you're having a hard time closing. Usually, that's the outcome of an unclear, or hot-and-cold relationship with a woman just seeking attention. It's the classic hot and cold treatment.

How do you get out of it?

Well, you basically have two alternatives, and you won't like either one of them.:

1. You escalate. All the way, this time. Until she either accepts or leaves.
2. You leave.

If you leave, you've made the right choice. Find better women. It's not a complete loss to leave. Often it's best to just cut your losses and find better people. Though, I'd say this: Now you'll never know for sure, which can gnaw at a man. Still it's the second best choice out there.

However, if you don't escalate, you'll have to live with the fact that you're acting like an indecisive girl, and you know it. It's not a great way to live, but if you can't get out if it, then you have my sympathy. OTOH if she leaves or rejects you: Great! Now you know, and you can finally move on from this bs.

I mean, truth be told, you still have the third alternative which is to continue wasting your time and living in pain. Your choice.

It’s not just about whether I do it or not though. You’re overlooking the fact that I can do it the right way or the wrong way. If I escalate in a great way when the windows are open, it will go well. I believe you can seduce any woman if you do it just right. So no, even if I escalate and get some result, I will not “know”. It’s never set in stone, whether a girl will sleep with you. A girl can hate you but if you spend enough time isolated, she will want you anyway.

That’s why I’m stressed and hesitate so much: because how it ends is all up to me.

 

[Ratata]

So you’re saying I should enjoy the present moment, and not worry and plan all the time? Okay, but how can I control the interaction that way? We have to have a plan, right?


It’s not just about whether I do it or not though. You’re overlooking the fact that I can do it the right way or the wrong way. If I escalate in a great way when the windows are open, it will go well. I believe you can seduce any woman if you do it just right. So no, even if I escalate and get some result, I will not “know”. It’s never set in stone, whether a girl will sleep with you. A girl can hate you but if you spend enough time isolated, she will want you anyway.

That’s why I’m stressed and hesitate so much: because how it ends is all up to me.

Again, here are your alternatives:

1. You do nothing and keep on living in agony as she tells you of how she fucked a literal football team of other guys, while pining over them, and enjoying every excruciating moment it's causing you inner pain and suffering. Congratulations, you've now become her emotional tampon!
2. You escalate and it fails miserably. Face it, you would never even get a "right moment" and there was no "right way" of doing it. But by doing it, you're still victorious, because now you know for certain. And most likely she will tell her friends what a brave guy you are, how big your balls are and how long your - oh wait, she never got to know that, but she will still assume that you've got big balls (unless you got an involuntary boner while you failed). So, ok, fair, maybe you could have done some things better... I will allow you that! So, then what? Well, then you learn from it. Write an FR. Get feedback. Find a sticking point. But even if you're rejected, it's still a win, because you A. took action and B learned.
3. You escalate and she kisses you back... I mean, do I even need to explain this? This is a clear victory.

So, as you can see: #1 is by far your worst option here. #2 and #3 are merely the possible results of you taking action. And I'll tell you up front IDGAF about your excuses. You're in the army now, and and here we don't do excuses, we only do drills. And your current drill is to deliver escalations. You may die in the trenches, but - son - we'll patch you right up again and send you to the front yet another time, just as in Starship Troopers!

Btw. here's the rather big caveat in terms of finding sticking points: You can only find sticking points by by way of repetition. That means that you have to be willing to fail multiple times before it really counts. Because if you only do it once, your failure might not be due to your action, but instead cuz she's on her period, or cuz o the ordering of the planets, or just plain bad luck. Shit happens, and it's not always your fault. But if it happens multiple times, for approximately the same reasons, then congratulations you've found a sticking point.

Bottom line, you have to make that mistake a few times before you can write it up as such. But you're of course not willing to do that, because you've got oneitis and you've got a fear of loss for this particular girl.... How sad. So, the solution to that is to open your eyes and see the world through the glasses of abundance, and really notice how the world is FULL of women, instead of living in scarcity like you are now.

Right now, you want the silver bullet. And - sorry - it doesn't exist. But you sure seem to know when and how is a good time to escalate or not. Well, in that case, why don't you just create those moments? If you're having trouble seeing them, then we're here to help. You already got a ton of great advice on how to get compliance, build sexual tension and go for at least a kiss close. What do you think about those ideas? Which one of them do you like best? Will you write an FR testing one or two of them out in the near future? Atta boy!

I mean, in the end, whether you choose to whine or take action, that's your choice. If you're only here to invent excuses, then I think our time here is up and you should perhaps seek help elsewhere. Up to you!

So, you wanna share more of your excuses?

 

[mirror]

So you’re saying I should enjoy the present moment, and not worry and plan all the time? Okay, but how can I control the interaction that way? We have to have a plan, right?

I think, it's always a mix. You set up the logistics and then try to enjoy the moment.
How can you actually be in the present and get good out of it if you are just chasing a high and focusing so much on the ideal moment, that you miss out on life.

In my opinion, if she is worth your time, you will have to see that she also lasts through the lower points. And you seem skilled enough to be able to escalate to new heighs and things like that.

I bet you did not fall for her by being able to control the interaction 100%. If she is very aware or sensitive, most likely not, she will pick up on you trying to control it and flag it as less genuine that way. So you NEED the spontanity.

We cant control everything in life and that's not only true for you but for every person.

Your limiting beliefs are:
1) escalation windows are not makeable or wont occur naturally if you dont take control
2) there is no thing as natural chemistry and attraction in your eyes, which eases a lot when you don't try to control everything
3) there is a right or wrong way and nothing in between

 

[Jegor]

- I’m approaching tons of girls, just so you know that I’m trying to get rid of this crush. -

But anyway, I have a friend of about a year. And since I try to come off as pretty sexually open, she keeps telling me about her sexual experiences and wishes.

First it was about how her boyfriend doesn’t satisfy her at all. I must have used almost all of the sexual gambits and I managed to establish myself as a good lover.

We got closer and a month ago she told me I’m making her nervous and that she keeps thinking about me. Nothing happened though, unluckily I didn’t have the correct vibe to escalate.

Now last week she was at a festival and she apparently had a really good time. When she came back, she kept telling me about all the men she got intimate with (she didn’t say she slept with them but it was pretty clear). Also told me about a threesome thing that happened.

So I don’t know. Last month she was crazy about me and now she talks about these things and it just makes me incredibly frustrated.

She talks about her experiences with pride, because she’s been trying to let go and finally enjoy her life for a long time now. And so I support her (I always encouraged her to go out there and do it).

But on the inside, I hurt a lot. I act sexually free and experienced thanks to the gambits, but I really am not and so I’m incredibly jealous of her now. How do I establish myself as the better lover now?

She's saying a lot of stuff that she shouldn't be telling some random fucking guy from the street meaning she knows u well and trusts u

You should definitely try to escalate things but if she keeps u away then yeah give up. And for me personally it's Hella fucking weird when someone is talking about their sexual experience so openly (did u ask her abt it or she just randomly started a new topic about these 2 guys) Or maybe she just tried to show off.


Also. Idk if I would wanna become partners with girl that got railed by 2 guys at the same time just few months before our relationship started.

 

[Jegor]

I need to slap you.

SLAP!

Jokes aside (or now begins the actual slapping). Listen very carefully: You pussied out. Nothing never didn't just not happen. (Omg does that sentence even compute?) What happened was that you didn't make it happen. Now you've learned the hard way that you have to make it happen.

So... What will you do next time someone says that they keep thinking about you?

That's right: You will make it happen. By escalating. Even if you don't "feel" the correct vibe yet. And even if nothing has "happened" yet (you're the only one who can make things happen mkay). Cuz you're there alone with her for a reason. She put herself in that position - alone with you - to make it easy for you, and now all you have left do to is to man up and do the rest. I.e. escalate. Kiss her. Make it happen.

You were essentially waiting for a perfect moment, and then you pussied out because you didn't get that perfect moment. Well, here's the perfect moment for you. Say "Omg." Then just pull her in and kiss her out of the blue. (You don't actually have to say omg before you kiss her but it can help.) Then give her some excuse like "Sorry, I just had to do that!" Or even better "Omg what are you doing to me?"

But you're afraid. What if she rejects your attempt. Well, then you at least tried. And then at least she has respect for you, cuz you just showed that you've got a pair. Moreover, if you just keep talking as if nothing happened, or just make a slight excuse like "Oh sorry" if you are rejected, then just switch the topic, keep talking and try again later. It's always better to try, and get rejected, than not trying at all. (And if you wait for too long, she'll get pissed off at you for wasting her time, and you don't want that cuz she'll not just get pissed at you - she'll also tell her friends what a waste of time you are.) Bottom line is, you have to make it happen. And not feeling it is just an excuse. And a poor one at that. Remember, she's there alone with you for a reason.

Tho make sure you stay close to her. Always. In situations like that. Because if you are ten metres away from her and suddenly feel the urge to kiss her, then... Man, you'll have to cross a bunch of space to get there, and on the way you'll feel awkward, or worse, you'll trip on something cuz you're so nervous. So, do the two of you a favour and stay within arms reach of her as much as possible. Makes it easier for when you do feel it.

With that said, don't expect a long term relationship with this girl. Expect fun times, and wrap it up. She obviously likes to have fun, so don't fall in love with her, ok.

End note: Is my advice possible some uncalibrated shit that risks rejection? Yes. But if you don't risk it, you'll never find out either. And if you do try it, there is so much upside. Even if she rejects you, instead of telling her friends that you're a safe loser, she'll tell them that "Omg what a man, did you know he tried to kiss me? Yeah, he did!" So, even if you don't get her in particular, now all her friends will be hot for you. See, almost only upsides to going for it, even if uncalibrated. And when you try it enough times, you learn - and then you become smooth. But you never become smooth on the first try, so you gotta go for it. Always

Yeah I noticed that women usually try to make it easier for Example, one girl dragged me into media center when there was No one at all , "just to talk in peace" as she said lol.

 

[TrailBlazer]

She's saying a lot of stuff that she shouldn't be telling some random fucking guy from the street meaning she knows u well and trusts u

You should definitely try to escalate things but if she keeps u away then yeah give up. And for me personally it's Hella fucking weird when someone is talking about their sexual experience so openly (did u ask her abt it or she just randomly started a new topic about these 2 guys) Or maybe she just tried to show off.


Also. Idk if I would wanna become partners with girl that got railed by 2 guys at the same time just few months before our relationship started.

I thought we don’t judge girls for going after their desires here? I genuinely support her in her decisions.

But your advice has been nice. Here’s an update after our last meeting:

As always, after missing escalation windows on the last meeting, I thought it was over. But again, she was standing very close to me, and talking about how all the guys in her social circle want her. After a short walk we went to sit on a bench.

But once again, I was too scared to escalate. So I at least told her 2 more gambits I found (so now I really told her all of them). I asked her about her ideal lover and what she would like to try, but she was too shy for answering that. She was talking about a kiss scene from her favorite tv series and showed me that on her phone. You might think: she wants you to kiss her bro.

Well maybe but I just didn’t know how and I was paralysed. So I at least caressed her hair and told her to do the same to me, which she did. She then said she likes being pulled by the hair so I did that a bit.

And then we said our goodbyes. Actually she said she had nothing to do the next day so I tried to invite her somewhere, but I didn’t have it planned so I mumbled something and she wasn’t sure so I took the offer back, saying I actually had to meet my other friend. See, that’s what happens when I escalate despite feeling unsure! It backfires!