next step: bacchus inspired reframe on crazy girl?
girl: this isn't working
girl: fog!
fog: hey now, everything is ok! tell me, how does your favorite memory of your children make you feel? warm? perhaps uplifted?
fog: i live in AREA XXX
girl: i dont know what my favorite memory is. unfortunately my brain blocks out most of my memory for whatever reason
girl: i mean the day each one of them was born was probably the best two days of my life
fog: interesting that you mention that about your brain...made me think. i have this sense that...you have been perceived as overly cray cray by other people. while that is awful, i feel...so non judgemental of u and ur behavior...in the way that even if you are crazy, it is okay to be crazy around me.
do you know what i mean?
girl: i do know what you mean and yes. my babies father always called me crazy and delusional due to my mental problems so it kinda stuck on me. and it eventually worked its way under my skin and yes i truly believed those words.
her "this isnt working" comment, really got me thinking about
why shes resisting and not just the fact that she is resisting. back in 2018..
i wrote about how women resist when they feel they are not in control...an insightful learning for me at the time, but didnt think much more of it....
....until, i found the advanced version of that today: codys masterpiece, seen
here
cody explains that when girls need to take back control, it is good to step back and ask some light questions/use some humor to help them accomplish that. he also suggests girls need to feel justified
(important - more on that in a sec)
so, for the next text, i decided to step back and take the pressure off.
i thought about asking, "what is your favorite color", but then i also had in mind
tonys recommendations about being more emotional than logical. i ended up squishing these two tactics together. what came out was me asking a question about her favorite memory regarding her children:
fog: hey now, everything is ok! tell me, how does your favorite memory of your children make you feel? warm? perhaps uplifted?
imo, too heavy of a question.. a mistake? perhaps. afterwards i thought it could serve as a good transition from pressure (lots of flirting), to some pressure (heavy question), to pressureless (light question - what is your favorite color?)
but after i sent the heavy question to her, i received some interesting information regarding her favorite memory:
girl: i dont know what my favorite memory is. unfortunately my brain blocks out most of my memory for whatever reason
girl: i mean the day each one of them was born was probably the best two days of my life
1. she stated she is repressed (after an earlier statement that she is crazy!!)
2. the best days of her life was when her kids were born (perfect point to reference when i start building connection with her using
the timeline)
her being crazy seems to be a theme from her.
here is where i get confused. justification is important, cody says...but on top of that, this girl hadn't qualified herself to me yet. isnt that a form of justification?
i realized, maybe she has been trying to justify herself to me about her crazyness.... but it hasnt been acknowlegded yet.
so i decided to acknowledge it using a bacchus-inspired sentence structure about her craziness. she says she truly believes she is crazy.
fog: interesting that you mention that about your brain...made me think. i have this sense that...you have been perceived as overly cray cray by other people. while that is awful, i feel...so non judgemental of u and ur behavior...in the way that even if you are crazy, it is okay to be crazy around me.
do you know what i mean?
girl: i do know what you mean and yes. my babies father always called me crazy and delusional due to my mental problems so it kinda stuck on me. and it eventually worked its way under my skin and yes i truly believed those words.
next step: we are seeing each other today, although i might have to flake on her till tomorrow due to my logistical issues. in the meantime, i am considering experimenting with a bacchus reframe to positively adjust her understandings of her own situation.
