Diary of an explorer

[ChrisXKiss]

I'll start by the general and then get to the specific. Although I have been getting some lays lately, I still don't find particularly satisfied.

I feel that one reason is that my approaching lately has not been that effective, and the other reason is that I would still want hotter women than the ones I get.

Approaching

Since I started my new job at the beginning of the month I haven't been putting in big numbers. I still approach here and there as I go by my day, but I can surely feel that the volume should increase if I want to have and feel the abundance.

The reason is that these few approaches per day make me feel like they are very important, since they seem to be the only chances I have to meet women.

And the situations they happen in are not optimal either. I mostly have the chance to approach while going to and from work, which means around stations or inside public transport with people.

I have noticed that when i don't have a lot of momentum such kinds of approaches can feel difficult and it is probably reflected in my vibe as well.

Which is also affected by the fact that early in the morning or right after work I don't have the proper energy or I am not in the right headspace to approach effectively.

However I still think I should just ping and open women no matter whether I see them sitting in the bus when I get in or talking to the phone while waiting at the station. I know that the worst that can happen is they will not want to talk, and I should just be totally fine with it and still approach for the practice.

I should also be approaching more during other times of the week, and the issue is that I have made a schedule, but right now my approach sessions of the weekend have been put during nighttime which complicates things.

That's because i haven't been nightgaming properly for a long time, I am not in the mood to be paying entrance in clubs, and I feel that I don't get particularly excited by the vibe and the social aspect of most nightgame venues lately.

I really prefer walking around at night in the city checking if I can meet girls like that, and in fact I have had some success getting numbers that led somewhere or instant dates in that way.

This weekend I didn't do it though, got lazy to be honest, and I believe I should start looking at it as something I go out and do, not to get a result particularly, but more to be out, enjoy the night and what it could bring.

What is more, it would be valuable to get some more approaches daygaming, so I should get every chance I have when I am outside to approach.

And if I go back home from work first and then go out it gets later and less people are walking around, so I should really push through this afterwork energy and approach no matter what. I do know that after few of them normally I get in more of a flow anyway, and if it really is a bad day, I can always home relax and try my luck outside later.

Hotness

One thing I still do consistently though is I generally approach girls when I find them particularly attractive. They usually give me this feeling that no matter my state I don't want to miss my chance with them so I do it.

It's not that I get a lot of results with them though, and when the general number of approaches I do is not big, it is easy to get some of these rejections exaggerated in my mind.

That said it really does feel sometimes that there is a limit to the attractiveness of the girls I get, and I don't think i really treat them that differently at this point, a lot of the rejections also happen pretty fast with the girls uninterested to interact with me from the get go.

Out of them a significant part consists of very young girls, to the point I almost expect sometimes to get the look of being an old weirdo hitting on them. Which I don't mind in principle, but it's not particularly fun after a point either.

Maybe it's also created by me in some way though, because to be honest sometimes the only thing I see in them that I like is a cute face and a cute body I would fuck, but the rest of the way they present themselves gives me no motivation to approach. Which brings up the question of how I should frame it in my mind, maybe the thought of whether they can be playful and sensual enough to be able to keep up with my intensity could be one.

It's not only them though, because even the girls that are a bit older or I see something in them that I like apart from pure looks, I don't have much success with either. I can say they are usually more polite, but still not much beyond that, and it doesn't seem to be very related to the way I approach.

I also get the feeling sometimes that in the past I was getting dates and going out with hotter women, but this can also be a case of me being so much more accustomed to beauty now that the women I considered very attractive back then I wouldn't be that crazy for at this point.

So I don't want to be negative, things are improving and a goal of mine was to be able to get women first, before being able to get the women I want, it makes me wonder sometimes though that if all women are attracted to similar masculine traits, there should be at least some hot ones very attracted to me, the same way there are some not so hot ones very attracted to me.

For now regarding this I will keep going, approaching girls the same regardless their looks, and then taking it from there. It's not that I go out with hideous monsters anyway, the girls I meet are generally cute and make me particularly hard, that said it's not like I regularly go out with models either, which is something I would like to eventually change.

Specific girls

1)

I'll keep it short this time about that girl that had left me on read after sex when I proposed to meet again. I sent her yesterday ( almost 1.5 week after the previous message ) a picture of a park I was in writing: "Such a beautiful day ". Regarding the heart, I was in a good mood at that moment and felt it would make the message less sterile.

Anyway , she read it yesterday, but not response.

So I think my next move will be to send her a voice message about 2 weeks from now. Not that I hope about anything, I just want to give it another go, because it simply feels strange to me that she is not even responding, when she seemed to like me quite a lot before sex.

I feel the biggest reason that I am thinking about her is this feeling that although she liked me, I managed to disappoint her somehow. It is what it is though, if she wants nothing to do with me, I won't stay around expecting her to do so.

2)

The other girl that I had met at night for an instant date last week made it a bit complicated for me. We had planned to meet on Thursday, then she told me she wants to see a house she may rent so she is not sure. I told her to take care of that and we meet another time. Then few days later I sent her a message again asking her how it went, and saying that this week I should have time. She said she would have time too and we can meet again, I asked her for Tuesday or Wednesday, she responded with a voice message saying she can't because she is moving and also not on Thursday because she is working, so I told her this week I could make it work towards the weekend too, for example Friday. She listened to that last voice message, but hasn't responded yet.

So it is getting a bit frustrating, because on one hand she says she wants to meet, on the other she just can't meet or is unsure about all the days I propose, which makes me wonder if she really wants to meet or not. I will play it even more cool from now on if she evades meeting this week too, may even send her a ball in her court message, don't know yet, I'll see how it goes.

3)

There is one other girl that is quite pretty in fact ( in the beautiful range that I mentioned above I don't usually get ), I got her number from a cold approach and she wanted to meet during the lunchtime break from work around my area. I am planning to do it this Thursday, although I don't expect much, because in these kind of short informational dates I never had much success, but whatever, better spend some time with an attractive girl than alone.

4)

And also another girl, she told me she could meet this Thursday, I asked her about 19:30, she said it works, then I proposed to meet in the station where we met, saying there are some cute places nearby. She said: Really , Do you live there? And I responded: Yes, I know them . She has read it but hasn't said anything after that, so I am not even sure if the date is planned or not. I will give her a day at least, and then I am thinking of a non try hard way to ping her before the day of the date( I have already used the: don't forget to tell me what you think of the idea, so don't want to use that again ).

Not sure if it even makes sense to assume the date and just text her the same day where to meet exactly. I was thinking of maybe sending something like a photo one night before as a ping, or maybe I will just ask her to meet half an hour later assuming that the date is still on. Would take recommendations on that.

5)

Last but not least, I did have another lay. The older woman from last Sunday, we met twice this week in fact.

The first time we went for a drink, walked around, then I brought her back home. She was nervous from the beginning, she was telling me that she was thinking about the age gap and what she didn't want was me having sex with her and then dumping her. Back at my place she was telling me how unsure she was, and then we just stayed there and talked, she got pretty emotional and told me about all her reservations, I told her it is fine and we don't need to do anything, and I explained that for me if we enjoy each other I'd like to see her again, I won't just disappear. We lied there in bed, hugging her, we were talking about sex a bit, there was quite some tension, and then she wanted to go so I walked her home.

She texted me again after a day or two to meet yesterday, asking if I'd like to see her place. I agreed, we met there, went up her place first, then she took me for a walk up at a hill with a nice view, she had brought some wine and snacks, so we also stayed there for some time to drink together. She was still unsure, we discussed a bit more, maybe I also could have finished the discussion faster, but I wanted to be clear about our expectations so as not to hurt her. I talked about how I am in a exploratory phase my self, and I feel that Iwant to be able to talk and flirt with an attractive woman when I see her. We had an understanding, then went back to her place.

It was interesting because her 20 year old son lives in the apartment in a different room, we spent our time in her room though. She brought some food she had made so we also ate together, and then we talked a bit more, and by the end we got clear about the fact that there is no expectation of how this will go, if we enjoy each other we will want to meet again, and that it is not exclusive and we are free to see other people. She was surprisingly understanding of all this, telling me that I am a young guy and of course I want to meet other women, and as long as we are present and I find time to meet her it is fine.

Then we started kissing, and slowly but steadily we went to sex. I gave her a pretty intense orgasm with my mouth, and then I penetrated not lasting much for the first round, but I got hard pretty fast again. So we got into some more sexual acts, and then I penetrated again lasting more. After that we rested together for a bit and then I went home.

The interesting thing is how much she enjoyed it. She was telling me I am fire, and that I am amazing, and of course I should meet more women, because it would be unfair to only give this pleasure to one woman. And she is not some totally sex deprived woman, she told me she has been with a number of men herself, and she has done quite some tantra in her life ( she has a pretty high title as a buddhist monk in fact ), so it was really interesting to see how amazed she was by my sexual prowess. Even today in the texts we exchanged after that night she told me she was tired, but it was worth it, because I am an amazing lover.

Not gonna lie, these are good things to hear, and a bit funny too if I consider the times someone would probably have said the opposite. I guess it is about growing though, learning the lessons, and eventually becoming more present and more impactful.

I feel I will see her again, she has a nice energy, really seems to be into me, and is quite a sexual woman too. Hope she won't totally drain me though for the other girls out there.

PS Didn't mention it last week, but I have already been with more women in 2025 than the whole 2024, and we still have 1/3 of the year. I consider this actual progress and I can also feel that certain things are becoming more natural.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

No lay this week but I will unravel some thoughts and experiences.

General

First of all something not game related directly, is that I realised I am really tight financially. I guess I could do better if I stopped doing certain hobbies, but then I think it wouldn't be very sustainable to not have this social aspect as well in my life.

Anyway, I will survive, it's just that paying the entrance for a club or having a drink or two are things I would think twice before doing regularly. The good thing is that game is free more or less, and I never really spent that much.

I want to do fairly well at work to get some higher-paying permanent position as fast as possible. I'll probably need 6 months at least but it should be possible.

I had my first presentation in fact and it seems that people were pretty satisfied, I worked some extra hours, but it was worth it. For this reason I lost one two days that I could use for approaches, still found time for some though.

Approaches

1)

I had one to a girl that was running, stopped her with a compliment and she looked pretty excited to talk to me. She stayed there for a bit, it was a good vibe, I was teasing her and she was laughing, we exchanged numbers, but she didn't answer to my icebreaker and didn't even receive the next text.

Quite cute girl, even seemed a bit compliant, but it could be that she was in a highly excited state, enjoyed the convo but didn't feel like she wanted anything more after that. I for sure could have had some more masculine energy, sometimes when I get more playful I feel I lose it, so I should look into that.

2)

Also talked with another girl later, that was an 18 year old that told me she had left her house after fighting with her parents and was leaving in the streets or something. Quite a strange one, but in the way that she seemed to truly appreciate someone that saw and liked her for who she was.

I should have pushed for more with her then and there, maybe grabing a drink and chilling somewhere, I think this would have been a higher percentage play compared to the number close I did. She even told me she doesn't communicate much with her phone so it didn't even make much sense that I didn't try to lead it all the way then and there.

I think my main issue was that I was away from my place, and I still haven't found good enough spots for public sex in the city. Honestly I feel this would help a lot when downtown, for a situation like this one, when you feel that it would be better to go with someone nearby and close there.

If anyone has ideas on where to go for sex in the middle of the city at night, I would love them. I have checked areas like parks, or river banks, some of course are fairly empty when late, but also fairly visible so I don't know how secluded and hidden I should go for when it comes to a sex spot, or if just a darker spot in some park is fine no matter whether people walk by, not far from there.

3)

Had another approach yesterday, girl waiting for a tram in a classy dress, I was taking the same and opened with a comment about how elegant she looked and feeling like she is coming from a gala. She wasn't unreceptive, and was laughing quite a bit, but I was getting the feeling that her reactions were a bit more towards the awkward and uncomfortable vibe, compared to the excited and enjoying it one.

I didn't have a lot of choices since we only had few stations before I got down, so when we entered and she sat down, I sat at the only obvious free seat next to her, trying to give her some space and keeping it light to not overwhelm her. Don't think I managed well though, because when I proposed we meet again she wanted me to give her my phone, which I did fully knowing what it means.

I simply felt that I didn't want to push her to give hers, maybe it would have worked who knows, but I have decided when this happens to just let it be. The thing I could have done differently is not mention towards the end that I'll be here and should have some free time the next days so we could catch up if she is around. I think it feels a bit like chasing when she only has your number, and being as chill as possible not even mentioning again going out together is better.

Few more approaches that were not significant. I should increase the volume, that said at least having some that respond positively is a great motivator to keep going. And although the girl I had met at night and made out at the instant date kept dodging my invites to the point I stopped responding to her, I did go to few interesting dates.

Dates

1)

I met that pretty girl I was talking about last time in the middle of the day for lunch break. It was a disaster.

I got in a meeting for my job that I thought I would be able to leave early, then I wanted to talk about some more things, so I ended up being 10 minutes late to the place we agreed to meet.

I went as fast as I could, arrived, immediately apologised, sat down with my food and then she started.

Basically telling me that I am late an I could have let her know. I told her that yes I understand, I thought I would have been able to make it faster but got into a meeting and didn't realise it. She then told me how she is also busy and could have caught up with some work herself. I again told her I know, and I wanted to text but when I opened the phone I saw she had sent she was already there so there was no point.

I was trying to defuse it, but she wasn't in a good mood at all and she wouldn't stop going about it, so at some point I suddenly got a serious face and with firm tone I told her: "Isn't sorry good enough for you or what do you want?" She said: "Nothing". So I said: "Good".

After that I tried to get a bit more positive and playful telling her to leave all this behind us, but I am pretty sure it was over at that moment. She was very closed off for the rest half an hour, wasn't responding well to any teases or playful conversation, and wasn't even contributing that much herself.

I did another mistake because by the end I was just self amusing too much, to the point that it probably felt I was trolling her. For example she said she was taking tae kwon do classes because I asked about a korean tattoo she had. I told her playfully that she likes beating people up, she told me no it is for self defence, so I said yeah I know, it is good to have someone to protect you. She said she protects herself, so I told her "no, I mean you protecting me, now I know what I am gonna do if someone attacks us here, run and hide behind you".

Anyway the vibe wasn't there at all for this type of stuff and I think it aggravated her even more. In the end I had to go somewhere else, so I proposed leaving, she gave me the most "I hope I never see you again" handshake ever, and blocked my number a day later. I was planning to send her that she felt closed to me and that I didn't know how it could work between us in that way, but she was faster.

Now surprisingly, I don't feel that bad about this one. I honestly felt she was taking it a bit too far in the beginning, I don't know if these 10 minutes were really so important to her, but no matter what I would expect someone after a polite apology and another comment to move on from the subject. She started annoying me and I am happy I showed it, I clearly focused more on how this made me feel compared to making the beautiful girl feel good to my expense. That said I could have done it in a smoother more relaxed way, telling her more kindly that this is over and it is better to move on.

I thought of this for a second when I responded to her in fact, but then felt that this girl is not gonna stop with something like this, so I went all serious. The problem is that the way I eventually said it had the energy of: You are annoying me, so shut it, understand?, and I've been told I can be pretty scary when I take that look. I don't expect anyone that is not low self esteem to receive that and be fine with it.

So inviting the person in a kind way first to stop the behaviour is a lesson to take home. And then if they don't stop, being more firm without losing your temper and removing yourself from the situation if they don't collaborate.

Also I should pay attention to not tease and be totally unserious if the vibe is not there and the girl is just not buying it. It's better to connect with her, build similarity and let her open up. Not that I believe I had much hope to turn things around here, but it is something good to remember in general, because I do have this tendency sometimes to double down on something that is going bad as a sort of ego protection by trying to make my initial approach work and not accept rejection.

At least my first thought when I saw her sitting down was that she wasn't as beautiful as I remembered, so all good.

2)

Same day in the evening I met with another girl. This was good in fact because I was able to disassociate myself from that lunch date fast. I also had that big presentation the following day so I was really busy and needed some good time.

And I got it, that girl was so sweet. Very elegant as well, working in banking, mid 20s, introverted, she had this kind of super classy and externally cold but internally warm and feminine energy that I love.

We went at the open air bar close to my place, she was quite receptive to my touches, but keeping a distance, and I could feel she liked me. Always nice to experience it by such a cute a well put girl. She was quite a bit into luxury, first time we met she was going to a car show, and she was very into having ambition and becoming financially successful.

Also I could feel that she was the type looking for a relationship and a great candidate for boyfriend and maybe more, at least from how she was talking about it, I was feeling that it would be a very difficult first date lay, but I was enjoying her quite a bit.

After finishing our drinks I took her up at a place with good view, we were coming a bit closer, not too much still though, so I wanted to maximise my chances and I decided to invite her home and escalate there. I told her about the sweets from my homecountry ( sadly they are done so I have to find a new plausible deniability ) and she agreed to come.

As we were walking she did say that it was going late and she should probably go home, but I told her we were there already and that we would go up only for a bit. She agreed and we did.

In my place after going to the bathroom she asked me about the three/four toothbrushes I have, I joked that they are for my different girls, and then defused it saying they are for my parents when they visit, because I really felt she believed I was a big player. At least I was quite playful during the date, and without really disqualifying myself as a boyfriend actively, it wasn't the serious kind of courtship that she was probably more used to.

We sat together at the couch to have the sweet, talked for a bit, asked about the tastes she likes and then went for a kiss. She kissed me then went for a second before pulling away, realised she was pulling away already so I brought her in quickly for the second one and then broke it off.

After that we kept talking and basically she asked me what I am looking. I could feel she was asking seriously, because she was still keeping some distance sitting with her legs crossed all elegantly, and when I teased her saying that if she wants me to respond faster she can kiss me and take some of the sweet I am eating from my mouth, she said something along the lines of we did that, we don't need to go so fast.

I basically told her the truth, that I cannot promise her anything for long term, I know I am enjoying our time together, I want to live in the moment, and what matters is giving yourself fully to the person you are with. I am not actively looking for something specific, but I am also open to spend more time with someone I have good chemistry with.

This was a longer speech, I could make it somehow more concise, and she was staying there listening to it, and also aggreeing more or less. Then I asked her back and she said she is looking for marriage, not sure about kids, but wants someone to go seriously towards that.

Soon after that she checked her phone and told me she'd have to leave. I took her down at the tram station and stayed there with her till the tram came, exchanging a parting kiss when she left.

We exchanged 2-3 texts the next day, I sent another text yesterday, which she hasn't answered yet.

Honestly she is a fairly cute, and a very sweet and elegant girl, in fact if I was indeed looking for marriage I could imagine going for someone with her vibe. I am not though, and as weird as it sounds I am perfectly fine that I didn't push more to sleep with her that night.

I could feel she wasn't the first date lay type, and she wasn't giving me much in my apartment, it would be really chasing to jump on her and escalate, or that's how I felt at least. Maybe it would have been better to do something like that, basically try to either close then and there or have her leave running, but I didn't feel it at all.

I could have also gone for stronger sexual frames and sex talk earlier, but I somehow felt she wouldn't respond very well to that. Anyway my feeling was that she probably wanted someone with boyfriend potential, that is something I am almost sure I cannot offer, so I wanted to be clear about that, and leave it up to her to decide if she would like to do more with me that night or see me again knowing that.

I guess this shows quite some outcome independence because I was totally fine not having sex with her if she was in a different headspace. I would still enjoy meeting her though, as I said I enjoyed her energy, so we'll see, if not I really wish her the best.

3)

On Sunday at last I sent messages back to all the girls I had left unanswered after my mass pinging few weeks ago. After this there are basically very few girls that I have already their contacts and could potentially be new lays, so it's a push to go out and approach harder again.

Through this texting there was one older girl that basically responded telling me that if I am close to where she is she is down for a beer now. I confirmed it fast, and left my home to go there, I was planning to go out and cold approach, but I though ok a date is better.

We met by the lake, sat at two sunbeds at some open air bar and caught up. I probably approached this one about a year ago, then saw her again when she came to see a theatre play of mine I invited her to, and then never again before yesterday.

She told me about her life a bit, how she only had one boyfriend, then her husband that cheated on her with an assistant and then nothing. I kept it positive telling her how strong she is to go through all that, and then talking a bit about dating dynamics, and how it is difficult for women nowadays, because men feel intimidated.

I was feeling that there was something there, and I wanted to bring it up, to make her see that I like her as a woman, because she kept saying how she doesn't get attention, doesn't know how to flirt, and spends most of her time alone.

I talked about being authentic, and told her how when I saw her she made me feel good as man, and it was why I am here with her today too, and she also said that she felt my energy which is why she invited me.

At that moment I proposed getting another beer and going to sit by the water putting our feet inside. She agreed and we went there as it was getting darker. We were closer, so I went for the move of teaching her something in my language.

I had her say: I want to kiss you, translated it to her, and then took a moment looking at her and went for a kiss. Backed off, told her it felt really soft, and then after a bit got in for another more passionate short one. She was kissing pretty well in fact foronly been with 2 men before.

She was clearly enjoying it, but was feeling a bit overwhelmed too, telling me how she is nervous, can't believe it, feels like she is 15. She asked my age, and told me she is probably older than my mother, I told her that this is not what I care about, but I pay attention to how I feel with someone.

After staying there for a bit we started walking back, she is living with her teenage daughter and without battery she wanted to go home that night which I understood. I pulled her in for 2-3 more kisses before saying our goodbyes at the tram station.

I had already told her of course that I cannot promise anything, and I simply want to enjoy the time with someone I have a good connection with, and I feel she understands that and enjoyed the time too. She told me before leaving, that she would invite me for some food at her place.

I sent a text today telling her it was a lovely evening, and she responded it was lovely for her too and that I brought the exact lightness she needed. I told her she inspired that, and I will text again in about 2 days with a plan to see when we could meet again.

Can't say I am sure it will happen, but I think it is possible.

4)

The last date from earlier today with a girl we had met two times already, the first of which I tried to pull her home immediately. Brazilian girl with minimal english knowledge

We went for a walk at a local park and then sat at a bar there. This girl surely liked me a lot, was even receptive ot my touches, and quite compliant, but wasn't going beyond that.

Had already rejected my kiss in the previous date, and was constantly telling me how she is unique and I won't find another one like her, and she has a secret.

I invited her to my place again to play her some guitar, and she rejected it and told me that she is not easy and doesn't do that.

We had an exchange of some long translated by the phone texts then and basically she told me she is a virgin and waiting for marriage. I also felt it's pretty serious for her, so I didn't try to push after a point of saying that I can't offer that, but I still like her company and enjoying the moment.

I think she felt really comfortable after that and like she was free from it all and I liked her exactly how she was.

We started going back from that place to the train station and we were hugging quite a bit, I gave some kisses to her forehead too and then we parted ways.

I truly wish her the best, she will be leaving for Brazil in few days anyway, but it was nice that she shared it with me and we came close even like that.

 

[AspiringStoic]

No lay this week but I will unravel some thoughts and experiences.

General

First of all something not game related directly, is that I realised I am really tight financially. I guess I could do better if I stopped doing certain hobbies, but then I think it wouldn't be very sustainable to not have this social aspect as well in my life.

Anyway, I will survive, it's just that paying the entrance for a club or having a drink or two are things I would think twice before doing regularly. The good thing is that game is free more or less, and I never really spent that much.

I want to do fairly well at work to get some higher-paying permanent position as fast as possible. I'll probably need 6 months at least but it should be possible.

I had my first presentation in fact and it seems that people were pretty satisfied, I worked some extra hours, but it was worth it. For this reason I lost one two days that I could use for approaches, still found time for some though.

Approaches

1)

I had one to a girl that was running, stopped her with a compliment and she looked pretty excited to talk to me. She stayed there for a bit, it was a good vibe, I was teasing her and she was laughing, we exchanged numbers, but she didn't answer to my icebreaker and didn't even receive the next text.

Quite cute girl, even seemed a bit compliant, but it could be that she was in a highly excited state, enjoyed the convo but didn't feel like she wanted anything more after that. I for sure could have had some more masculine energy, sometimes when I get more playful I feel I lose it, so I should look into that.

2)

Also talked with another girl later, that was an 18 year old that told me she had left her house after fighting with her parents and was leaving in the streets or something. Quite a strange one, but in the way that she seemed to truly appreciate someone that saw and liked her for who she was.

I should have pushed for more with her then and there, maybe grabing a drink and chilling somewhere, I think this would have been a higher percentage play compared to the number close I did. She even told me she doesn't communicate much with her phone so it didn't even make much sense that I didn't try to lead it all the way then and there.

I think my main issue was that I was away from my place, and I still haven't found good enough spots for public sex in the city. Honestly I feel this would help a lot when downtown, for a situation like this one, when you feel that it would be better to go with someone nearby and close there.

If anyone has ideas on where to go for sex in the middle of the city at night, I would love them. I have checked areas like parks, or river banks, some of course are fairly empty when late, but also fairly visible so I don't know how secluded and hidden I should go for when it comes to a sex spot, or if just a darker spot in some park is fine no matter whether people walk by, not far from there.

3)

Had another approach yesterday, girl waiting for a tram in a classy dress, I was taking the same and opened with a comment about how elegant she looked and feeling like she is coming from a gala. She wasn't unreceptive, and was laughing quite a bit, but I was getting the feeling that her reactions were a bit more towards the awkward and uncomfortable vibe, compared to the excited and enjoying it one.

I didn't have a lot of choices since we only had few stations before I got down, so when we entered and she sat down, I sat at the only obvious free seat next to her, trying to give her some space and keeping it light to not overwhelm her. Don't think I managed well though, because when I proposed we meet again she wanted me to give her my phone, which I did fully knowing what it means.

I simply felt that I didn't want to push her to give hers, maybe it would have worked who knows, but I have decided when this happens to just let it be. The thing I could have done differently is not mention towards the end that I'll be here and should have some free time the next days so we could catch up if she is around. I think it feels a bit like chasing when she only has your number, and being as chill as possible not even mentioning again going out together is better.

Few more approaches that were not significant. I should increase the volume, that said at least having some that respond positively is a great motivator to keep going. And although the girl I had met at night and made out at the instant date kept dodging my invites to the point I stopped responding to her, I did go to few interesting dates.

Dates

1)

I met that pretty girl I was talking about last time in the middle of the day for lunch break. It was a disaster.

I got in a meeting for my job that I thought I would be able to leave early, then I wanted to talk about some more things, so I ended up being 10 minutes late to the place we agreed to meet.

I went as fast as I could, arrived, immediately apologised, sat down with my food and then she started.

Basically telling me that I am late an I could have let her know. I told her that yes I understand, I thought I would have been able to make it faster but got into a meeting and didn't realise it. She then told me how she is also busy and could have caught up with some work herself. I again told her I know, and I wanted to text but when I opened the phone I saw she had sent she was already there so there was no point.

I was trying to defuse it, but she wasn't in a good mood at all and she wouldn't stop going about it, so at some point I suddenly got a serious face and with firm tone I told her: "Isn't sorry good enough for you or what do you want?" She said: "Nothing". So I said: "Good".

After that I tried to get a bit more positive and playful telling her to leave all this behind us, but I am pretty sure it was over at that moment. She was very closed off for the rest half an hour, wasn't responding well to any teases or playful conversation, and wasn't even contributing that much herself.

I did another mistake because by the end I was just self amusing too much, to the point that it probably felt I was trolling her. For example she said she was taking tae kwon do classes because I asked about a korean tattoo she had. I told her playfully that she likes beating people up, she told me no it is for self defence, so I said yeah I know, it is good to have someone to protect you. She said she protects herself, so I told her "no, I mean you protecting me, now I know what I am gonna do if someone attacks us here, run and hide behind you".

Anyway the vibe wasn't there at all for this type of stuff and I think it aggravated her even more. In the end I had to go somewhere else, so I proposed leaving, she gave me the most "I hope I never see you again" handshake ever, and blocked my number a day later. I was planning to send her that she felt closed to me and that I didn't know how it could work between us in that way, but she was faster.

Now surprisingly, I don't feel that bad about this one. I honestly felt she was taking it a bit too far in the beginning, I don't know if these 10 minutes were really so important to her, but no matter what I would expect someone after a polite apology and another comment to move on from the subject. She started annoying me and I am happy I showed it, I clearly focused more on how this made me feel compared to making the beautiful girl feel good to my expense. That said I could have done it in a smoother more relaxed way, telling her more kindly that this is over and it is better to move on.

I thought of this for a second when I responded to her in fact, but then felt that this girl is not gonna stop with something like this, so I went all serious. The problem is that the way I eventually said it had the energy of: You are annoying me, so shut it, understand?, and I've been told I can be pretty scary when I take that look. I don't expect anyone that is not low self esteem to receive that and be fine with it.

So inviting the person in a kind way first to stop the behaviour is a lesson to take home. And then if they don't stop, being more firm without losing your temper and removing yourself from the situation if they don't collaborate.

Also I should pay attention to not tease and be totally unserious if the vibe is not there and the girl is just not buying it. It's better to connect with her, build similarity and let her open up. Not that I believe I had much hope to turn things around here, but it is something good to remember in general, because I do have this tendency sometimes to double down on something that is going bad as a sort of ego protection by trying to make my initial approach work and not accept rejection.

At least my first thought when I saw her sitting down was that she wasn't as beautiful as I remembered, so all good.

2)

Same day in the evening I met with another girl. This was good in fact because I was able to disassociate myself from that lunch date fast. I also had that big presentation the following day so I was really busy and needed some good time.

And I got it, that girl was so sweet. Very elegant as well, working in banking, mid 20s, introverted, she had this kind of super classy and externally cold but internally warm and feminine energy that I love.

We went at the open air bar close to my place, she was quite receptive to my touches, but keeping a distance, and I could feel she liked me. Always nice to experience it by such a cute a well put girl. She was quite a bit into luxury, first time we met she was going to a car show, and she was very into having ambition and becoming financially successful.

Also I could feel that she was the type looking for a relationship and a great candidate for boyfriend and maybe more, at least from how she was talking about it, I was feeling that it would be a very difficult first date lay, but I was enjoying her quite a bit.

After finishing our drinks I took her up at a place with good view, we were coming a bit closer, not too much still though, so I wanted to maximise my chances and I decided to invite her home and escalate there. I told her about the sweets from my homecountry ( sadly they are done so I have to find a new plausible deniability ) and she agreed to come.

As we were walking she did say that it was going late and she should probably go home, but I told her we were there already and that we would go up only for a bit. She agreed and we did.

In my place after going to the bathroom she asked me about the three/four toothbrushes I have, I joked that they are for my different girls, and then defused it saying they are for my parents when they visit, because I really felt she believed I was a big player. At least I was quite playful during the date, and without really disqualifying myself as a boyfriend actively, it wasn't the serious kind of courtship that she was probably more used to.

We sat together at the couch to have the sweet, talked for a bit, asked about the tastes she likes and then went for a kiss. She kissed me then went for a second before pulling away, realised she was pulling away already so I brought her in quickly for the second one and then broke it off.

After that we kept talking and basically she asked me what I am looking. I could feel she was asking seriously, because she was still keeping some distance sitting with her legs crossed all elegantly, and when I teased her saying that if she wants me to respond faster she can kiss me and take some of the sweet I am eating from my mouth, she said something along the lines of we did that, we don't need to go so fast.

I basically told her the truth, that I cannot promise her anything for long term, I know I am enjoying our time together, I want to live in the moment, and what matters is giving yourself fully to the person you are with. I am not actively looking for something specific, but I am also open to spend more time with someone I have good chemistry with.

This was a longer speech, I could make it somehow more concise, and she was staying there listening to it, and also aggreeing more or less. Then I asked her back and she said she is looking for marriage, not sure about kids, but wants someone to go seriously towards that.

Soon after that she checked her phone and told me she'd have to leave. I took her down at the tram station and stayed there with her till the tram came, exchanging a parting kiss when she left.

We exchanged 2-3 texts the next day, I sent another text yesterday, which she hasn't answered yet.

Honestly she is a fairly cute, and a very sweet and elegant girl, in fact if I was indeed looking for marriage I could imagine going for someone with her vibe. I am not though, and as weird as it sounds I am perfectly fine that I didn't push more to sleep with her that night.

I could feel she wasn't the first date lay type, and she wasn't giving me much in my apartment, it would be really chasing to jump on her and escalate, or that's how I felt at least. Maybe it would have been better to do something like that, basically try to either close then and there or have her leave running, but I didn't feel it at all.

I could have also gone for stronger sexual frames and sex talk earlier, but I somehow felt she wouldn't respond very well to that. Anyway my feeling was that she probably wanted someone with boyfriend potential, that is something I am almost sure I cannot offer, so I wanted to be clear about that, and leave it up to her to decide if she would like to do more with me that night or see me again knowing that.

I guess this shows quite some outcome independence because I was totally fine not having sex with her if she was in a different headspace. I would still enjoy meeting her though, as I said I enjoyed her energy, so we'll see, if not I really wish her the best.

3)

On Sunday at last I sent messages back to all the girls I had left unanswered after my mass pinging few weeks ago. After this there are basically very few girls that I have already their contacts and could potentially be new lays, so it's a push to go out and approach harder again.

Through this texting there was one older girl that basically responded telling me that if I am close to where she is she is down for a beer now. I confirmed it fast, and left my home to go there, I was planning to go out and cold approach, but I though ok a date is better.

We met by the lake, sat at two sunbeds at some open air bar and caught up. I probably approached this one about a year ago, then saw her again when she came to see a theatre play of mine I invited her to, and then never again before yesterday.

She told me about her life a bit, how she only had one boyfriend, then her husband that cheated on her with an assistant and then nothing. I kept it positive telling her how strong she is to go through all that, and then talking a bit about dating dynamics, and how it is difficult for women nowadays, because men feel intimidated.

I was feeling that there was something there, and I wanted to bring it up, to make her see that I like her as a woman, because she kept saying how she doesn't get attention, doesn't know how to flirt, and spends most of her time alone.

I talked about being authentic, and told her how when I saw her she made me feel good as man, and it was why I am here with her today too, and she also said that she felt my energy which is why she invited me.

At that moment I proposed getting another beer and going to sit by the water putting our feet inside. She agreed and we went there as it was getting darker. We were closer, so I went for the move of teaching her something in my language.

I had her say: I want to kiss you, translated it to her, and then took a moment looking at her and went for a kiss. Backed off, told her it felt really soft, and then after a bit got in for another more passionate short one. She was kissing pretty well in fact foronly been with 2 men before.

She was clearly enjoying it, but was feeling a bit overwhelmed too, telling me how she is nervous, can't believe it, feels like she is 15. She asked my age, and told me she is probably older than my mother, I told her that this is not what I care about, but I pay attention to how I feel with someone.

After staying there for a bit we started walking back, she is living with her teenage daughter and without battery she wanted to go home that night which I understood. I pulled her in for 2-3 more kisses before saying our goodbyes at the tram station.

I had already told her of course that I cannot promise anything, and I simply want to enjoy the time with someone I have a good connection with, and I feel she understands that and enjoyed the time too. She told me before leaving, that she would invite me for some food at her place.

I sent a text today telling her it was a lovely evening, and she responded it was lovely for her too and that I brought the exact lightness she needed. I told her she inspired that, and I will text again in about 2 days with a plan to see when we could meet again.

Can't say I am sure it will happen, but I think it is possible.

4)

The last date from earlier today with a girl we had met two times already, the first of which I tried to pull her home immediately. Brazilian girl with minimal english knowledge

We went for a walk at a local park and then sat at a bar there. This girl surely liked me a lot, was even receptive ot my touches, and quite compliant, but wasn't going beyond that.

Had already rejected my kiss in the previous date, and was constantly telling me how she is unique and I won't find another one like her, and she has a secret.

I invited her to my place again to play her some guitar, and she rejected it and told me that she is not easy and doesn't do that.

We had an exchange of some long translated by the phone texts then and basically she told me she is a virgin and waiting for marriage. I also felt it's pretty serious for her, so I didn't try to push after a point of saying that I can't offer that, but I still like her company and enjoying the moment.

I think she felt really comfortable after that and like she was free from it all and I liked her exactly how she was.

We started going back from that place to the train station and we were hugging quite a bit, I gave some kisses to her forehead too and then we parted ways.

I truly wish her the best, she will be leaving for Brazil in few days anyway, but it was nice that she shared it with me and we came close even like that.

Bro you are at a sweet spot. Having multiple leads and having something going on each week. Just keep doing what you are doing and of course increase your approaches if you can this week. I think you are already in "dating abundance" and if you keep going you will be in "sexual abundance".

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Bro you are at a sweet spot. Having multiple leads and having something going on each week. Just keep doing what you are doing and of course increase your approaches if you can this week. I think you are already in "dating abundance" and if you keep going you will be in "sexual abundance".

Thanks man, these last weeks have been good indeed.

And it is really important to approach more, because it can't be sustainable any other way, you just need new leads regularly.

My approaches have not been very effective lately in fact, and I've been wondering if I am doing something wrong, or I just need to do more.

I did 3 today that went nowhere for example, and I feel that one part is that more volume gives you more chances for a good result by default, but there is the other part also, which is that when I approach commuting before or after work, I am never in the most social/seductive state, so these 3 approaches are probably of worse quality than the 3 I would do on a relaxed Sunday afternoon stroll.

Anyway it's still better to approach than not to approach, I just find it interesting, because although I've been having dates and lays lately, it doesn't seem to affect my state in field positively.

I feel that the way my approaches go is way more connected to how I feel in that moment, if I am relaxed or in a rush, in a social or analytical mood, and has little to do with whether I slept with a girl last night or not.

There are some other factors that I suspect are at play here too.

The first one is the quality of the girl, that if she is some extremely elegant good looking woman, I may not be sure why she would be interested in me if she can find the whole package elsewhere and I am only offering some passionate sexy time.

This is because I know I am not going for a girlfriend or something long term now, so I somehow feel I am wasting their time, since that is what they probably want and can also easily get from many high value men, so why stay around me.

Now an obvious answer to that would be because I am very sexy and make them have an amazing time, the thing is I feel that the really attractive girls should have abundance of really sexy guys they can choose from so I am not offering anything too special here.

Maybe I should just assume that this is not true, and I really am God's gift to women and an experience that cannot be compared to any other options they have.

And here comes the second factor, which is the fact that in order to believe that, you need some experience that backs it up, and I've had some unsatisfactory sexual experiences that can make me doubt how exciting of an opportunity for a woman I really am.

At least I have one woman now, that seems to find me extremely sexy, which is very good for boosting my confidence in this front.

She sent me a text yesterday, after having slept together once a week ago, and we met after a business dinner of mine, went directly to my place and had sex, and although I didn't even last that long in the two rounds, she seemed extremely satisfied, telling me I am driving her crazy, even letting me know she couldn't concentrate in her work during the day when I answered we could meet tonight.

Probably with few more experiences like that you start really behaving like you are God's gift to women and approaching knowing you have immense value to provide them.

So I guess I have a start, it is something, and as I keep going it can only get better.

And as I in fact expect the rest of the week to be a bit more quiet regarding dates, it's a great chance to put myself out there and get some more leads.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Was a fairly quiet rest of the week as I expected, at least gave me the chance to go out and approach a bit more.

That said, I can't say I got any crazy results, 5-6 numbers out of 30+ approaches and they didn't even feel very solid. I wouldn't be surprised even if I get nothing out of them.

The interesting thing is that they weren't totally uninterested numbers though, I've gotten some like that just to get rid of me, so I can feel it. These girls at least stopped, some talked to me for a bit, some even complied in a way, I do feel though that they weren't any crazy good approaches.

And this makes me wonder how good an approach has to really be. Sometimes I just stop them, then they don't talk much, I try to to get to know them, give one two teases, but there is very little reciprocity although they stay there. So I end up finishing the interaction and going for a number to meet some other time, because it really feels like they are either going somewhere, or if not they are simply not giving me a lot at that moment and seem to prefer to be left alone.

Approaches

Now someone could say that these mean they are not interested, but I don't believe that exactly. There was one girl in specific, quite young, moved with me when I asked her in the beginning, was saying something in the phone and immediately stopped to talk to me, but then she wasn't contributing much. I decided to ask her to meet another time, maybe could have been better to go for some instant date, but I wasn't feeling a very strong vibe. Eventually her first text was about how old I am, told her 28 which is the truth, and got no response after that.

I also had one that got me a bit sad, in the sense of why not moving this forward when we clearly both like each other. I was waiting in a line to grab some food, saw a girl in a leafy green dress and orange heels waiting behind me with her friend and directly complimented her. They were trying to find what to pick for a food, I recommended something playfully, she seemed to be quite into me, told her where I am from and they both started laughing, her telling me that she is really into my country and men from there, then I asked where she is from and in fact she was from a country I really like the women and I told her. Afterwards I could feel the vibe, we had a moment with prolonged intense eye contact where her friend even took a step back and said maybe I should leave you two alone here, and after a bit more our time came to order at different cashiers.

They finished first, and after I finished I passed from her table, there were only two seats anyway, so I told her I'll let her have the time with her friend, but let's exchange numbers to meet another time. She told me something like, let's see later, since I would be sitting somewhere around, I told her that she wants to come give it to my table herself, and she said she wants to see how much of a gentleman I will be. I just said an ok with a playful look and went and sat at another table. No idea what she meant or wanted, but I wasn't in the mood for games. I eat very slowly anyway, so they finished first and just left, without even looking towards me when getting up, I gave a signal to come see me but could be they just ignored it.

I am still fascinated by how even them being into you doesn't seem to matter to exchange contacts, or move things forward, Sometimes it feels you have to be some super seducer and manage to put them totally under your spell in few minutes to get a chance, which I don't really mind, I want to improve and it is something I am working towards, but then I see all kinds of guys with quite attractive girls and wonder if all of them are really so seductive and I am doing something terribly wrong.

Not being negative here, I don't think any of the rejections or near misses like this affect me much, it's just a shame when it seems like the girl is interested, but then doesn't even want to continue the interaction. We could argue that maybe she is not that interested, but then it's a question of how interested it is possible to get her so fast.

I also had another late night approach, stopped the girl after coming out of the train, told her she looked very classy and also destroyed like she had the time of her life. She seemed interested but more tired and not super excited, I was also tired, so I asked to meet some other time. Then she staid there and started to ask about me, we talked some more, getting to know each other, staying playful, and more or less agreed to meet in two days, as long as we are not too tired from the crazy weekend. After that she never responded to my icebreaker, and on the day of the date, I sent her a voice message around lunch time recommending where to go, and she just said she is sorry and she can't.

Takeways

So these were some interesting interactions of this week, that went further than the girl either ignoring me, leaving right away, or seeming totally uninterested to talk, which I also had quite some times.

What I noticed is that I had way more fun approaching during the day around the city, while during the night it felt like a drag. One reason for the second is that I was feeling tired when I went out late, but also I saw many more girls that really interested me when I was going out around the day.

This tells me I have to change my weekly plans and focus on approaching right after work the days I can, and daytime on weekends, while keeping late night outings as a bonus but not depending on them for volume.

Of course after work my vibe is usually not the best, but that is something fixable in field, and I also think it will help knowing there is more volume available to focus on enjoying my time out and not thinking I have to get results.

Because I noticed that I have gotten in this mindset lately, that I've been trying to go out to increase leads to keep the dates and lays coming, which has made me focus too much on making things work affecting my vibe.

Not that it is extremely easy to be happy, satisfied and outcome independent, no matter how many rejections you get, but at least by going out more in target rich environments, you get enough chances to get good interactions with girls you like, that keeps you going positively and eventually having the results too.

So some adjustments and more approaching, while looking at what I can improve in the interaction itself, is the way forward, and sooner or later it will bring some results again.

 

[AspiringStoic]

@ChrisXKiss


I get exactly where you are coming from. I also have the same issue. I am okay when girls are clearly not interested on approach and either dont stop to talk or tell me they have a boyfriend.

But its the ones who stop, but dont give you too much, the ones who have a nice back and forth like how you did the with that green dress girl and then dont get back to you at all, or who enthusiastically give out the number and then dont reply or never come out, this is what gets us down.


Because by them doing those things we develop the expectation that maybe something will happen and then that expectation is shattered and that leads to way more negative feelings than not having had that expectation at all.

Its like the guy who wins 50 dollars and then loses it, is going to feel way worse than the guy who never won any money.

I was talking to a friend of mine who I have mentioned several times on this forum. This guy was the epitome of consistency he used to do 3-5 approaches every single day. Like in a 365 year day he would do this on at least 355+ days regardless of if he had dates was sleeping with a girl etc. And I was telling him about this situation where girls give out some signs and then it does not go anywhere, and how that actually affects me more.

What he said was this happens because I am still seeing this whole cold approach and seduction thing as "separate individual scenarios". I put meaning on every individual reaction, what each individual girl said to me, what each individual girl did, like give me her contact and then did x or y. And that my emotions are still tied to these individual events.

Instead he said you need to have your system like he had his everyday doing 3-5 approaches. And then every number you get, just having a system of texting where you have again rules like first message to say hi, 2-3 messages for some rapport and by the 5th message ask her out, if she does not set a date for any reason, give it 1 more try a week or so later and otherwise drop it.


And you need to follow that system to the core and then see that regardless of what signs any individual girl gives it does not mean much, but what then happens is you start seeing statistical patterns. That usually every week you get x numbers, y reply, z come out on a date etc. But for that you need to keep your daily or weekly approaches pretty much consistent over long periods. Then he said you reach a stage where your emotions dont really move with every girl's actions or reactions. Whatever they do, its part of a larger statistical picture and you realize emotionally that its all probability so you dont get attached or invested in any girl until the girl goes through your system and is still there with you at the end of the funnel i.e. you lay her multiple times and want to see her again.

This actually reminded me that I had read Chase write something very similar to what my friend was saying. So I went ahead and found it. Here it is:

Dating Success is Probability, Not Cause and Effect

If you think about success with women as cause and effect, you’ve got it all wrong. You must think in terms of probabilities. First off, causality and probability are not opposites. But from a mental models point of view, they may as well be. Most people in most walks of life think about things...

www.girlschase.com

Our problem is that our emotions are still thinking in terms of cause and effect about each girl like what does the green dressed girl's actions mean, why would she do that etc.

We need to reach a stage where our emotions also function probabalistically and where our thoughts dont say go on about each individual girl's actions or reactions but on larger sample sizes and general results.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Thanks for this answer, because I was in fact thinking of making a comment related to that.

Basically the more I move through approaching and progress in seduction, the more I feel it is about statistics.

You put the numbers in and based on your level of game sooner or later you get some results.

And also I feel that all the signs, or how the girl responds and interacts with you are quite unimportant. And which one ends up doing with you can seem pretty random sometimes.

I have just not been sure how effective it is to fully see it like that. I’ve had the feeling it that it can make me colder towards any particular interaction as I know it’s just another number that may or may not go well, but doesn’t matter that much since the next number will arrive and you can play the game again.

I’m probably a bit romantic, and appreciate all the women I’ve had something with, even felt a spark, so I want it to go well when it happens, because I know it will be the best for both of us.

And I do think that placing some certain importance on any interaction can motivate you to take a better look at what happened, and what else you could have done. And that is valuable from an improvement perspective too, of course it’s not about staying fixated, just looking back, assessing what you could have done differently to improve your chances and then moving to the next ones.

So I’d say in the end it is important to see the statistical and probabilistic aspects of it, and just approach more to increase your chances, while still being as present as possible and valuing every interaction to the fullest.

I feel in fact that lately the times I didn’t approach had more to do with me feeling that my state was bad and that the probability of it going well was so low that it didn’t motivate me, so it was still some form of probabilistic thinking. Still you have to always think that even 0.0001% of success is something worth approaching for, when not approaching is 0 and you have nothing really better to do.

I had a good time out yesterday though, and after thinking a bit about what I could have done better with the green dressed girl, I woke up quite refreshed and did 3-4 approaches while going to work.

Not particularly effective approaches, but my vibe was good, and that’s always the most important part. Because even if I can just do few per day anyway generally, being in a good mood during them just makes it more fun.