Socializing I don't know how to cold-approach

[funk_in_b_minor]

it's honestly ridiculous
I've been approaching since 2018-2019
It's 2025 and I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing
It seems like no matter what I do or say women aren't interested
And on the rare times I do get a number, it doesn't go anywhere
I wonder if I'm just not smart enough or socially savvy enough for this shit
I must have approached thousands of women at this point and yet my dating experience is minimal

 

[average_daygamer]

You could literally be me. During plateaus, I recommend to pay a coach.

However, some background would be useful. For instance, what country are you trying to approach in?

What is your age? A 25 year old will have better luck with girls 25 and under than a 35 year old. Etc.

I also definitely feel you on wondering if you are not socially intelligent enough. I am coming to the conclusion that this "getting laid bro" malarkey is definitely a lot more difficult than it is made out to be.

I guess there is a reason neurotypicals start from they're late teens or even younger.

 

[James D]

What is your age? A 25 year old will have better luck with girls 25 and under than a 35 year old. Etc.

I've observed the contrary.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Looking through your previous messages, you've got a lot stacked against you.

But the #1 is location.

 

[Chase]

@funk_in_b_minor,

it's honestly ridiculous
I've been approaching since 2018-2019
It's 2025 and I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing
It seems like no matter what I do or say women aren't interested
And on the rare times I do get a number, it doesn't go anywhere
I wonder if I'm just not smart enough or socially savvy enough for this shit
I must have approached thousands of women at this point and yet my dating experience is minimal

Welcome to the Boards, man.

Write some field reports (check @Mr.Rob's how to write efficient reports guide). They'll give the guys here a much better picture of what you're doing and where you might be getting things wrong than a short/general post (where it could be anything).

That said, assuming you are putting enough volume in on a consistent enough basis (i.e., it is not occasional approaches here and there... like the guy who says "I've been lifting for years but haven't gained any muscle!" but he really only goes to the gym a couple times a month and just lifts haphazardly), the most common issues you see with guys who approach a lot but don't improve are:

• Poor fundamentals (bad haircut, facial hair, dress, posture, lack of smiling, poor eye contact, nervous tics, too-fast talking, monotone voice)
  
  
• Poor on-approach body language (approaches straight on like a homing missile, or approaches from behind where she can't see; stands too far away; faces the girl directly while she has her side turned toward him; never moves girls or locks in)
  
  
• Fails to use good early seduction tech (cold reads, teases, compliance building, etc.)
  
  
• Overly boring & pointless fact-finding conversation that jumps disjointedly between unrelated superficial topics ("Where are you from? Cool, what do you do? I see. Where'd you go to school? What do you do for fun? Do you have any pets? Do you live around here?")
  
  
• Making overly simplified "no game" approaches (neo-direct)

Put another way, if when you approach girls:

1. You have a sexy haircut, sexy facial hair, impeccable/trendy dress, excellent posture, a cool & friendly smile, firm eye contact, no tics, and a chill voice with good expressiveness and vocal range,
   
   
2. You have relaxed on-approach body language where you aren't signaling too much interest and don't startle girls, then get girls moving around with you and lock in quickly (especially so they are now facing you) to move into a more powerful body language position,
   
   
3. You throw in a few good early seduction techniques (lightly tease her within the first 30 seconds so she knows it's a flirtation, do a couple of cold reads on her that make her feel like you see right through her, ask her for some compliance to get her investing),
   
   
4. You do small drill-downs on topics to find out more about her personality and emotions, rather than get sucked into a fact-finding mission ("Where are you from?" -> "Oh no way, why'd you ever leave?" -> "I see. Do you like it here?") then relate back to her ("You know, the best thing about this town is [some cool or humorous insight that will make her laugh or nod her head and agree with]"),
   
   
5. And you don't do neo-direct, and DO make sure to close (properly),

You will be making good impressions and getting phone numbers at least sometimes, and at least some of those numbers won't flake (unless your texting is atrocious).

If that is not happening, then the issue is almost certainly with one of those problems I listed above... or multiple of them...

Chase

 

[Rancorous]

Talk in a bright excited tone. Then introduce yourself. Make some small talk then get her number.

 

[funk_in_b_minor]

You could literally be me. During plateaus, I recommend to pay a coach.

However, some background would be useful. For instance, what country are you trying to approach in?

What is your age? A 25 year old will have better luck with girls 25 and under than a 35 year old. Etc.

I also definitely feel you on wondering if you are not socially intelligent enough. I am coming to the conclusion that this "getting laid bro" malarkey is definitely a lot more difficult than it is made out to be.

I guess there is a reason neurotypicals start from they're late teens or even younger

yeah coincidentally I am 25
I live in the United States

 

[funk_in_b_minor]

Looking through your previous messages, you've got a lot stacked against you.

But the #1 is location.

what previous messages

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

what previous messages

Looking for people to start an in-person seduction group in Cincinnati, Ohio

Hi, I'm not completely sure if this violates the no-marketing rule, please let me know, thanks. I'm not looking for money here, just community. I live in Cincinnati and I'm looking for people to meet up with about once a week or so to discuss how to get laid or get a girlfriend in this city. I...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[average_daygamer]

yeah coincidentally I am 25
I live in the United States

Damn bro, I wish I could have started from 25!

I'm trying to think what I would do if I were 25.

I would start in daygame.

Go to a town or city of at least a 100k population and do 3 approaches. Direct or indirect, doesn't matter. Preferably standing sets or very slow walking.

You may struggle to find girls walking on the streets. I know some towns where I hardly ever see girls consistently or when I do, I am not sure how old they are. And according to Google, these towns have a population of atleast 100k. So it also depends whether it is a commuter town where people go elsewhere for work or whether it is a "hub" town where people from all over go for work, shopping, socialising, etc.

You need a town where you can see chicks in their 20s because worrying whether they are old enough is yet another obstacle when you are a beginner.

And on top of that, you may find the transient nature of daygame quite annoying where you are constantly having to chase down girls, so then that might lead to trying nightgame, which is a completely separate environment, especially if you don't like alcohol and the antics that come with it.

So anyway, this is a long game though, you have to realise that. Getting laid is not an easy task and the internet can give false impressions.

 

[funk_in_b_minor]

Damn bro, I wish I could have started from 25!

I'm trying to think what I would do if I were 25.

I would start in daygame.

Go to a town or city of at least a 100k population and do 3 approaches. Direct or indirect, doesn't matter. Preferably standing sets or very slow walking.

You may struggle to find girls walking on the streets. I know some towns where I hardly ever see girls consistently or when I do, I am not sure how old they are. And according to Google, these towns have a population of atleast 100k. So it also depends whether it is a commuter town where people go elsewhere for work or whether it is a "hub" town where people from all over go for work, shopping, socialising, etc.

You need a town where you can see chicks in their 20s because worrying whether they are old enough is yet another obstacle when you are a beginner.

And on top of that, you may find the transient nature of daygame quite annoying where you are constantly having to chase down girls, so then that might lead to trying nightgame, which is a completely separate environment, especially if you don't like alcohol and the antics that come with it.

So anyway, this is a long game though, you have to realise that. Getting laid is not an easy task and the internet can give false impressions.

Yeah I live in Cincinnati, Ohio, population of over 300K
Sometimes it's hard for me to find women that I'm attracted to but when I got to my local mall, for example, I usually end up finding some people who look good to me
I also often find myself attracted to older women and there's a lot of them in this city
I'm open to doing nighttime more regularly too but I'm strapped for cash right now. At this point I'm open to trying everything