Special Girl My crush keeps telling me about her sexual life

[mirror]

Yes, you could have kissed. But she is still open to you. Don't fret.

I will tell you now: imagine kissing her, use that imagination of yours to prepare for the thing you want and just go for it.

 

[TrailBlazer]

Again, here are your alternatives:

1. You do nothing and keep on living in agony as she tells you of how she fucked a literal football team of other guys, while pining over them, and enjoying every excruciating moment it's causing you inner pain and suffering. Congratulations, you've now become her emotional tampon!
2. You escalate and it fails miserably. Face it, you would never even get a "right moment" and there was no "right way" of doing it. But by doing it, you're still victorious, because now you know for certain. And most likely she will tell her friends what a brave guy you are, how big your balls are and how long your - oh wait, she never got to know that, but she will still assume that you've got big balls (unless you got an involuntary boner while you failed). So, ok, fair, maybe you could have done some things better... I will allow you that! So, then what? Well, then you learn from it. Write an FR. Get feedback. Find a sticking point. But even if you're rejected, it's still a win, because you A. took action and B learned.
3. You escalate and she kisses you back... I mean, do I even need to explain this? This is a clear victory.

So, as you can see: #1 is by far your worst option here. #2 and #3 are merely the possible results of you taking action. And I'll tell you up front IDGAF about your excuses. You're in the army now, and and here we don't do excuses, we only do drills. And your current drill is to deliver escalations. You may die in the trenches, but - son - we'll patch you right up again and send you to the front yet another time, just as in Starship Troopers!

Btw. here's the rather big caveat in terms of finding sticking points: You can only find sticking points by by way of repetition. That means that you have to be willing to fail multiple times before it really counts. Because if you only do it once, your failure might not be due to your action, but instead cuz she's on her period, or cuz o the ordering of the planets, or just plain bad luck. Shit happens, and it's not always your fault. But if it happens multiple times, for approximately the same reasons, then congratulations you've found a sticking point.

Bottom line, you have to make that mistake a few times before you can write it up as such. But you're of course not willing to do that, because you've got oneitis and you've got a fear of loss for this particular girl.... How sad. So, the solution to that is to open your eyes and see the world through the glasses of abundance, and really notice how the world is FULL of women, instead of living in scarcity like you are now.

Right now, you want the silver bullet. And - sorry - it doesn't exist. But you sure seem to know when and how is a good time to escalate or not. Well, in that case, why don't you just create those moments? If you're having trouble seeing them, then we're here to help. You already got a ton of great advice on how to get compliance, build sexual tension and go for at least a kiss close. What do you think about those ideas? Which one of them do you like best? Will you write an FR testing one or two of them out in the near future? Atta boy!

I mean, in the end, whether you choose to whine or take action, that's your choice. If you're only here to invent excuses, then I think our time here is up and you should perhaps seek help elsewhere. Up to you!

So, you wanna share more of your excuses?

My message above is for you @Ratata but I messed up the quoting.

 

[TrailBlazer]

Yes, you could have kissed. But she is still open to you. Don't fret.

I will tell you now: imagine kissing her, use that imagination of yours to prepare for the thing you want and just go for it.

Okay, yeah but also doesn’t kissing too early ruin things too? As Chase says we should kiss once we are isolated so we can go all the way. Let’s say I kiss her on the meeting and then we have to part ways and she rationalises that it was a mistake! (Quite easy to do since we are in that anxiety program).

So I’m thinking isolate first and kiss second, but then there’s all this pressure.

I try to visualise it but it makes me almost faint with stress and visualising it too much will make me too outcome dependent! I need to go talk to more girls…

 

[mirror]

I try to visualise it but it makes me almost faint with stress

The stress is the thing you need to face. Try yoga / breathing exercises

 

[TrailBlazer]

I need to slap you.

SLAP!

Jokes aside (or now begins the actual slapping). Listen very carefully: You pussied out. Nothing never didn't just not happen. (Omg does that sentence even compute?) What happened was that you didn't make it happen. Now you've learned the hard way that you have to make it happen.

So... What will you do next time someone says that they keep thinking about you?

That's right: You will make it happen. By escalating. Even if you don't "feel" the correct vibe yet. And even if nothing has "happened" yet (you're the only one who can make things happen mkay). Cuz you're there alone with her for a reason. She put herself in that position - alone with you - to make it easy for you, and now all you have left do to is to man up and do the rest. I.e. escalate. Kiss her. Make it happen.

You were essentially waiting for a perfect moment, and then you pussied out because you didn't get that perfect moment. Well, here's the perfect moment for you. Say "Omg." Then just pull her in and kiss her out of the blue. (You don't actually have to say omg before you kiss her but it can help.) Then give her some excuse like "Sorry, I just had to do that!" Or even better "Omg what are you doing to me?"

But you're afraid. What if she rejects your attempt. Well, then you at least tried. And then at least she has respect for you, cuz you just showed that you've got a pair. Moreover, if you just keep talking as if nothing happened, or just make a slight excuse like "Oh sorry" if you are rejected, then just switch the topic, keep talking and try again later. It's always better to try, and get rejected, than not trying at all. (And if you wait for too long, she'll get pissed off at you for wasting her time, and you don't want that cuz she'll not just get pissed at you - she'll also tell her friends what a waste of time you are.) Bottom line is, you have to make it happen. And not feeling it is just an excuse. And a poor one at that. Remember, she's there alone with you for a reason.

Tho make sure you stay close to her. Always. In situations like that. Because if you are ten metres away from her and suddenly feel the urge to kiss her, then... Man, you'll have to cross a bunch of space to get there, and on the way you'll feel awkward, or worse, you'll trip on something cuz you're so nervous. So, do the two of you a favour and stay within arms reach of her as much as possible. Makes it easier for when you do feel it.

With that said, don't expect a long term relationship with this girl. Expect fun times, and wrap it up. She obviously likes to have fun, so don't fall in love with her, ok.

End note: Is my advice possible some uncalibrated shit that risks rejection? Yes. But if you don't risk it, you'll never find out either. And if you do try it, there is so much upside. Even if she rejects you, instead of telling her friends that you're a safe loser, she'll tell them that "Omg what a man, did you know he tried to kiss me? Yeah, he did!" So, even if you don't get her in particular, now all her friends will be hot for you. See, almost only upsides to going for it, even if uncalibrated. And when you try it enough times, you learn - and then you become smooth. But you never become smooth on the first try, so you gotta go for it. Always.

Hey, so another update after like 4 more meetings with her. We still didn’t have sex, it really isn’t that easy. If she wasn’t my anxiety coach and everything, if I didn’t risk as much by showing my cards… it would be easier. But I really find it difficult to escalate with her.

On the last meeting I got close to the touching we had when I first did the tantric touch routine with her. But this time she didn’t give me as many windows to try more things.

Still this is a really good “simulator” for dates and teaches me a lot. Also it’s a great challenge.

But I still don’t understand how some guys here were saying that she was practically asking for sex. If she was, I would have taken the chance…

Anyway now I’ll find the post you mentioned you made for me, and do what you told me there. Your advice and support has been great so far.