My post break up journey

[HeartOfChaos]

Is that 80 full approaches or a bunch of instant blows outs who don’t give you a chance to talk?

Majority of my approaches are fine and allow me to talk. And usually they respond positively, they sometimes say things like "you look great too", occasionally "you are handsome guy", etc, followed by inevitable "I have a boyfriend". It's just they are not interested sexually / romantically, and I can see that from the first 20 seconds.

Do you remember Cobi from pua-zone? A somewhat of daygame expert, he never associated blow outs with success rate. He said most guys don't approach with enough sexual intensity (sexual intensity = faster blowouts), and this is what gets results.

My experience in the big city is akin to Average_Daygamer where 70% of approaches don't stop and talk at most they say one or two lines then race off. I dont really consider those to be approaches just opens.

Depends on what you say for initial opener, how you look and where and how you stop them... But if you get overwhelmingly instant blow outs, you are doing it wrong.

 

[Will_V]

Approached around 80 more women in the last week or so, up untill today. Absolutely nothing.

I don't know how many since break up, I never count, but probably around 500 altogether. No results, as has been the case for several years now (and no, those 6 dates don't count as results). Just nothing, no matter what I try.

It's taken me about 7 years of approaches to get my ex (apart from some casual one night fucks and a couple of flings that lasted from a few weeks to a couple of months). The prospect of having to do thousands and thousands of approaches yet again does not bear thinking about.

Write field reports. At this rate all you are doing is making general complaints which nobody can help you with. The way you're going now you'll end up on some red pill forum complaining about how bad women are these days.

There's not a lot I can tell from the meager information you provide, but one thing I can definitely tell is going on here is that you are not relaxed and happy when going up to these girls, and despite whatever initial attraction they have for you, they aren't interested in hanging out with a miserable or cynical guy.

Majority of my approaches are fine and allow me to talk. And usually they respond positively, they sometimes say things like "you look great too", occasionally "you are handsome guy", etc, followed by inevitable "I have a boyfriend". It's just they are not interested sexually / romantically, and I can see that from the first 20 seconds.

Think about this for a moment: what is she implying here? What is the part unsaid? You look good/you are a handsome guy BUT I'm not feeling it.

And it's no wonder. You don't seem to enjoy talking to girls anymore, you don't seem to enjoy flirting, you don't want to go on a date unless there's a contract for sex, the prospect of doing loads of approaches, in your own words 'does not bear thinking about', in short you are interested in the outcome but uninterested in anything you have to do to get there.

You are the male equivalent of the 38-year old woman who's had enough, doesn't want to bother looking sexy anymore, doesn't want to bother being sweet anymore, doesn't want to go on a date unless marriage is on the table, doesn't care what you like but wants to know how much you make etc etc.

Well, for a man the equivalent is a guy who:

- Doesn't want to bother being confident and in control.
- Doesn't want to bother putting time in to get laid.
- Doesn't want to go on dates.
- Doesn't want to bother becoming a fun guy who makes her feel lighthearted and at ease.
- Isn't interested in knowing anything about her, just wants to get to sex.

What these two have in common, is that they do not trust their own capability anymore to maneuver an encounter to where they want it to go. And instead of focusing on changing that, they will become defensively entitled - "I shouldn't have to do XYZ anymore!" "I did all that before, now I deserve things to be easy!".

No, the game never changes. If you want good results, you have to clean up your act and play a good match. There's no way around it.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

There's not a lot I can tell from the meager information you provide, but one thing I can definitely tell is going on here is that you are not relaxed and happy when going up to these girls, and despite whatever initial attraction they have for you, they aren't interested in hanging out with a miserable or cynical guy.

One thing to say, is that there are many assumptions in your reply that are simply , completely, incorrect.

One of the most strikingly incorrect is the above one about me being miserable when I approach them.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

One thing to say, is that there are many assumptions in your reply that are simply , completely, incorrect.

One of the most strikingly incorrect is the above one about me being miserable when I approach them.

I’ll flesh out some details when I reply to Skills, but simply put, all the way evidence I have after 15 years of approaches is that 99% of women find cold daytime random approach very abnormal and simply are unable to overcome their inhibitions to it (which coincides with a poster on MASF / pua zone Cobi, who was a low key legendary poster - not sure if you remember him, but I think Skills does).

 

[Will_V]

all the way evidence I have after 15 years of approaches is that 99% of women find cold daytime random approach very abnormal

That hasn't been my experience.

Sure it's not the most common thing, but if you do it right, it's just a meeting between a man and a woman, and there's nothing unnatural about that.

 

[Skills]

I’ll flesh out some details when I reply to Skills, but simply put, all the way evidence I have after 15 years of approaches is that 99% of women find cold daytime random approach very abnormal and simply are unable to overcome their inhibitions to it (which coincides with a poster on MASF / pua zone Cobi, who was a low key legendary poster - not sure if you remember him, but I think Skills does).

Nothing you do or say relates to cobi... Don't bastardize the poster ...he never reached that conclusion

 

[alexlaguma]

but simply put, all the way evidence I have after 15 years of approaches is that 99% of women find cold daytime random approach very abnormal

Absolute nonsense.

Some do, granted, but 99% is ridiculous.

 

[topcat]

what's your point and purpose here?
why are you cold approaching if it gives you so little back?

 

[D. Gately]

I've yet to have an interaction in a coffee shop, bookstore, museum in the daytime that felt abnormal to either of us. If they are you're not socially calibrated.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

I've yet to have an interaction in a coffee shop, bookstore, museum in the daytime that felt abnormal to either of us. If they are you're not socially calibrated.

i don’t mean abnormal as in “awkward “, that was a bad choice of word.

I meant as in a location where women don’t expect to be approached in daytime. I primarily refer to street approach , too.

It heavily depends on the culture and location, and other factors, but in general many women aren’t conditioned to date men who approach them on the street.

 

[mirror]

I’ll flesh out some details when I reply to Skills, but simply put, all the way evidence I have after 15 years of approaches is that 99% of women find cold daytime random approach very abnormal and simply are unable to overcome their inhibitions to it (which coincides with a poster on MASF / pua zone Cobi, who was a low key legendary poster - not sure if you remember him, but I think Skills does).

Hey. I don't think daytime needs to be an issue. Daytime doesnt need to mean anything .. but sexual romance. That's what you should aim for. Daytime is perfect for romance. And romance can lead to sex / lust / nighttime mode .. even at daytime. There you go. That's it. You are not enjoying playing a seducer. That's it.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Thanks for people’s responses. Will respond in due course.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Absolute nonsense.

Some do, granted, but 99% is ridiculous.

99% is exaggeration, read between the lines.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

what's your point and purpose here?
why are you cold approaching if it gives you so little back?

Short answer: what else am I supposed to do to meet and fuck women, at least in London? Essentially, I have no options other than cold approaching.

Longer answer:

Cold approaches always gave me better results in other smaller, more laid back UK cities, as well as more laid back locations abroad, but as soon as I am in London, it gets so much harder, indeed the results are basically miniscule.

And this coincides with experience of several other guys I met over the years here, starting from 2014 pua-zone days - none of them (maybe with one exception) had good results here. They all gave up on daygame here, after virtually no success (or very little) after trying it for many months, even longer. Overall, I had many more results than them for sure.


I am looking to find woman who am truly compatible with in terms of looks, personality, intelligence, background, interests and spiritual beliefs, of an appropriate age (below 30) who I can plan a future with one day and establish a family in the long run.

Theoretically, I could go do cold approaching in country of birth(a well as another, 2nd country, that I am a dual national of with UK) where women are in general better looking than a typical UK woman and are much more disposed to cold approach, and would infinitely suit me more long term due to shared background, ancestry, language, and so on. But that's just in theory. In practise, far from easy, not least because I can't just take off and travel for weeks at a time because of work commitments and other responsbilities.

 

[topcat]

Short answer: what else am I supposed to do to meet and fuck women, at least in London? Essentially, I have no options other than cold approaching.

Longer answer:

Cold approaches always gave me better results in other smaller, more laid back UK cities, as well as more laid back locations abroad, but as soon as I am in London, it gets so much harder, indeed the results are basically miniscule.

And this coincides with experience of several other guys I met over the years here, starting from 2014 pua-zone days - none of them (maybe with one exception) had good results here. They all gave up on daygame here, after virtually no success (or very little) after trying it for many months, even longer. Overall, I had many more results than them for sure.


I am looking to find woman who am truly compatible with in terms of looks, personality, intelligence, background, interests and spiritual beliefs, of an appropriate age (below 30) who I can plan a future with one day and establish a family in the long run.

Theoretically, I could go do cold approaching in country of birth(a well as another, 2nd country, that I am a dual national of with UK) where women are in general better looking than a typical UK woman and are much more disposed to cold approach, and would infinitely suit me more long term due to shared background, ancestry, language, and so on. But that's just in theory. In practise, far from easy, not least because I can't just take off and travel for weeks at a time because of work commitments and other responsbilities.

Interesting. What is your current approach process?

I ask because I know of two members on this board from London, who don’t share your results.

I myself approached a girl from the baltics not too long ago and went on a date with her (arguably the most beautiful girl i’ve dated so far) but didn’t continue things as she was a way too traditional and vanilla for my tastes. @DoWhatWorks was witness to the approach.

I also witnessed @DoWhatWorks approach an east asian girl that is now his fb. We’d made about 8 approaches each in the days we closed.

I know of one other on here from London who does very well in daygame also.

I can guarantee you’re approaching wrong. You get frustrated when a girl doesn’t show interest immediately when often you need to stay in the interaction for a minute or so and allow a girl to get comfortable before that happens (if it even does, some girls are just subtle with their attraction). Women have their guard up in London by default and you need to give them a moment to see safety and take it down. Lead with comfort, space and safety and then pace them. Get down to their level and guide them.

Yours is an empathy issue. It doesn’t surprise me that you get by in the smaller towns where people have more time, their guard is lower and they are generally more forgiving of social incongruities.

You’ll need to adapt to London if you want to fuck in London.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Brother you said nothing! i mean what happened during the interactions, ^ you said nothing... tldr approched 80 girls= nothing = nothing to diagnose

Will aim to write later tonight hopefully about some of those interactions.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

On my way to a date with a French chick whose number I got from one of my super fast direct approaches 2 days ago. It’s a daytime date , first for me in many years, so not expecting much from it, but let’s see.

Then afterwards I’ll probably pester some more women and see how many more rejections and flaky numbers I’ll get. Lol.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Nothing you do or say relates to cobi... Don't bastardize the poster ...he never reached that conclusion

Cobi was a legendary poster. His minimalistic posts on daygame circa 2010-2015 era helped me a lot, and his advice and the experiences he shared coincide with mine mostly. Namely, that it is down to the natural sexual vibe between the two of you, let the women do the choosing, don't be afraid to escalate via text / phone calls before the date to check how dtf she is, and if upon your initial approach she declines exchanging direct contact info (e.g. phone digits), then it's unlikely to go anywhere.

But I have to remind you, his latter posts towards the final years of pua-zone took on a somewhat sombre tone, I even remember you calling him out on this in some thread. And he did quite literally say once, that after approaching thousands of women, his conlusion is that cold approach in daytime is anti social for most women (compared to a standard environment like a bar) and unless you manage to override that by invoking a strong sense of physical desire in her during cold approach quickly, it's going to be tough...

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Interesting. What is your current approach process?

I ask because I know of two members on this board from London, who don’t share your results.

I myself approached a girl from the baltics not too long ago and went on a date with her (arguably the most beautiful girl i’ve dated so far) but didn’t continue things as she was a way too traditional and vanilla for my tastes. @DoWhatWorks was witness to the approach.

I also witnessed @DoWhatWorks approach an east asian girl that is now his fb. We’d made about 8 approaches each in the days we closed.

I know of one other on here from London who does very well in daygame also.

I can guarantee you’re approaching wrong. You get frustrated when a girl doesn’t show interest immediately when often you need to stay in the interaction for a minute or so and allow a girl to get comfortable before that happens (if it even does, some girls are just subtle with their attraction). Women have their guard up in London by default and you need to give them a moment to see safety and take it down. Lead with comfort, space and safety and then pace them. Get down to their level and guide them.

Yours is an empathy issue. It doesn’t surprise me that you get by in the smaller towns where people have more time, their guard is lower and they are generally more forgiving of social incongruities.

You’ll need to adapt to London if you want to fuck in London.

My current process? Similar to what it has been since 2017 more or less, but toned down a bit. I am usually very direct, but it depends on the situation really, I can be direct flirty and a bit jokey depending on the circumstances / environment, or direct serious....

"Yours is an empathy issue." - sure possibly in some cases, but I reckon not so much really overall. If you are experienced, then you realise that you can instinctively sense the vibe quickly when you approach and how receptive she is to you and her level of interest, and that ploughing isn't usually worth it...

"I can guarantee you’re approaching wrong. You get frustrated when a girl doesn’t show interest immediately when often you need to stay in the interaction for a minute or so" -

- well, I don't expect them to show interest right in the first few seconds, sure. What I am getting it, is that most, most of the women I approach are simply not interested from a romantic / sexual viewpoint, no matter if the interaction is for a minute or 20 mins. So the talk about "comfort and space" is futile because I can sense and see from her reactions quickly if she is interested somewhat or not, and believe me, over thousands of approaches, I can tell you that it makes little difference to her wanting to see you again if you stay there chatting for 20 mins or 2 mins. This natural chemistry I found, it tends to spark quickly in cold approach or it never really gets there...I mean your experience may be different...Back in 2010-2014 days, I tried all sorts of approaches, situational, direct, indirect, stayed talking to some women for a long time only to never hear from them again, while with others I talked with for 1 minute and they happily came on a date....



"approach an east asian girl that is now his fb." - well that's great, but I reckon that's just SMV playing out... Certain girls of races/ nationalities and backgrounds are simply much more receptive, nothing more. Field tested over 15 years...

So what's your current process? That Baltic girl for instance, how did you approach her? What sort of girls (age group, race / ethnicity, looks, fashion sense, location) do you usually approach?

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Brother you said nothing! i mean what happened during the interactions, ^ you said nothing... tldr approched 80 girls= nothing = nothing to diagnose, i don't understand, what you want a pad in the back or a hug, i am sending you a virtual hug... that won't get you laid...

Ok here goes... In the last few days I approached around 30 more - so taking it to let's say round it to 110 approaches maybe over last 10 days.. I got like maybe around 10 numbers, one date (French chick above), all the rest flaked (non responsive or simply declining offer to meet via text) except one other girl who I'll write about below.

So here are descriptions of some of the standout interactions I had, in no particular order:

1) Girl in her 30s that I approached while on my way to a church: opened her from the front, directly, something like "Hey, you look great in that coat...". Stopped, talked for maybe 30 seconds, then walked with her in her direction for a further minute or so. Conversation flirty, she is pretty positive and open, we are just talking basic shit about her sense of style and what she was doing earlier in the day. I take her hand and spin her around (I often do such escalations with women in daytime...). Shortly after, I say I need to go, but how about we swap numbers and meet for a drink. She declines saying "haha, no, you are such a charming man blah blah"... I see it doesn't go anywhere, and I bid her adios.

2) Rock / hipster looking chick who rushed past me somewhere: I turn around, walk back to her, open directly from the side, "Hey, you look great today, you really caught my eye as you walked past me over there..." I can immediately see from her body language and face expression that she is very intrigued... We talk a little, I comment on her style and nose piercing, she mentions she has a boyfriend who she lives with, but she still allows me direct physical and verbal escalation: I escalate the vibe, get very close to her, spin her around, she is quite receptive and allows this, while still mentioning her boyfriend.. and then I nearly escalate to a makeout with her after like a couple of mins, but eventually she ejects and we part ways.

3) Another girl walks past: I again walk back towards her from the side and give a direct compliment.... "You look fantastic today in your shades blah blah.... So I decided to do a 180 turn, and hit on you right her on the street!" I can see from her expression she is positive and open to my approach and she immediately says "do you want my number...? I have a meeting to go to..." To which I respond "Haha, I was going to say we should have a drink, a number is just a means of communication! Of course...". So I take her number, talk to her for about a minute or 2, then she says again that she needs to run, so I say "ok, cool, will message you later today, hope to see you soon". I text her later that day but no reply. I followed up 2 days later - again no response...

4) Girl walks past carrying a bag of peas and another bag with some other veg...I approach her and make a semi jokey comment that she looks cute and about her carrying the bag of vegs (something about if it's a new gym diet of hers...). I can see she is a little neutral but stand- offish straight away, so I try do draw her out, make a joke about how she reminds me of the fairytale Princess and The Pea blah blah, but after a minute or 2 of talking I see it's not really working from her body language. I always go for the number anyway, but she makes an excuse and I let her go

5) The french chick: she rushed past by me down the stairs towards the tube station entrance... I turned around, run back down the stairs and stopped her before she went through the ticket gates, telling her she looked cute...Then immediately asked directly: "Are you single? I don't want to waste each other's time". She says yes, she is, we talk for a couple of mins and exchange numbers. Had a date yesterday.

6) Approach a cute woman directly from the front, saying she has really caught my eye... She turns out to be Turkish (oh God another one, I think to myself lol), she is super receptive and allows me to escalate the vibe straight away, get really close to her face within the first couple of mins... I noticed over the years that Turkish women are very receptive to me... I sense I could probably get a makeout with her very quickly. However I see that she is not that young, probably 35-40 years of age. I suggest we have a drink (she says when, tonight? ) - but then after further conversation it turns out she was here studying English, finished her course and is going back home to Turkey next day. Now, I am simply not in the frame of mind to go for a drink with a 40 year old woman who is not gonna stay in UK, so I turn down the ( very vague) potential for same day lay (probably not even viable, as she said she is going to stay with some other people same night in a few hours who will give her a lift to airport the following morning), so I simply exhchange numbers and let her go. This was almost a week ago now - and we have talked and exhchanged multiple very flirty messages, so she might well be a future lay prospect if she comes back here.

7) Brazilian tattoed chick: I saw her standing outside a shop on a street resting against a wall... I approach her and give her a direct compliment. She is very receptive, allows me into her close personal space immediately very naturally and there is a definite physical vibe between us We talk, she asks me questions (like where I am from and so on), turns out she is Brazilian, I see that she has many tattoos on her body. Turns out she is on a break, she is working in a a tattoo shop next door (I didnt even see it). She asks me if I have any tattoos. I say no blah blah... Then she says something like "if you ever want a tattoo, you are welcome here...". I suggest we have a drink together soon (I don't say anything specific, I just say let's meet for a drink soon?) she agrees and we exchange numbers...I text her later that day but no reply. I tried calling her and texting her again, but nothing, nada...

Aside: Here's what I don't understand: Many chicks (like 3 and 7) seem positive and eager to give contact details...Depending on circumstances during my approach, they allow me physical escalation (like getting close in their personal space and so on), but then never ever respond to my text. So what's going on? My guess is that these women, especially if they are relatively young, are very much "live in the moment" and follow their emotions....When I approach intensively, I spark their emotions, they get intrigued, even turned on in some cases quickly, but then their emotions cool down and their ASD turns up, and they cannot overcome it and never reply... Anyone highly experienced here confirm or deny this theory? Or is that they are very flirty timewasters and never were very interested sexually?

8) Another Brazilian: I give her a compliment, saying she has a great sense of style, she thanks me and says "you look great too"; I walk with her for about a minute or 2,


The other 100 or so approaches: they are all either sorta neutral conversations that last maybe 2 mins on average followed by rejections ( boyfriend or whatever). Most of these women react positively or at least neutrally to my approach, but I can sense from the get go there is no real sexual / physical attraction there, which is confirmed when I propose that we should meet up for a drink sometime soon and exchange numbers and they give an objection....

So to sum up: 100 or so approaches, the only date I had was with a French chick (not sure if there will be a 2nd), and a number of 40 year old Turkish woman who is abroad now. All others were simply not interested (or never replied to my texts).


P.S. I had a makeout with French chick at the end of the date (I always go for a makeout on the date sooner or later to show that I mean business), but I could tell the date was a bit more "neutral", no real deep spark there and I don't think she had enough real physical attraction. We'll see, but the reality so far is: 500+ approaches, 7 dates, no fucking. Disastrous waste of time and energy, which has been my reality for so many years. This is why for years, I've been insistent on either getting same day lay from daygame, or setting up dates directly at her place / mine / hotel, to spare all this bullshit of going on sexless dates - again, from hard earned experience during 2010-2014, I learned that plenty of women go on a date without any intention of fucking whatsoever, which is not what I am interested in.