Thanks Skills, good stuff. “She’s dead, the girl who you loved is gone, she’s dead” - so spot on, it's not even a reframe, it's simply a fact. Coming to terms with that is a big step to reaching the
5th and final stage of grief, "acceptance".
This acceptance has been so helpful for me, because I know 100% there is no way back with this girl, she's just too crazy (it finally hit me that she's extreme borderline.. I'll post another LTR debrief when I feel a bit better, how that whole dynamic played out).
I talk to two friends of mine who have been going through rough breakups as well, and who have not really accepted it yet. It's a million times harder to move on then, because the mind keeps going back to what-ifs.
With acceptance, I've been able to keep my mind from staying stuck on her. It snaps the mind into forward gear. Tony Robbins has been incredibly helpful btw, especially a recording I have of his UPW seminar (I participated live last year).
I still haven't found my "Caroline"... that's the true breakup-cure for me, in my experience. In 2009 I was going through a rough breakup, and after 23 sets of daygame I met a girl called Caroline on the subway, invited her to a friend's party and kissed her at a street festival.
The kiss at the street festival sent a wave of relaxation through my body and my brain and released all the pain I had been feeling in the weeks and months leading up to this moment. Just a kiss... but it has to be a girl you really like.
I'm not saying "new girl-friend" mind you, she was the starting point for a new harem that year and laid the foundation of what was to later become my
harem management. So I'm not saying "fall in love again"... I'm saying find a girl that really thrills you. Doesn't need to be love.
This worked for me (maybe others mileage may vary) because it proved to my brain that there are other girls out there who are amazing. Of course I know that rationally, but in a heart broken state I can't "feel" it, it doesn't seem real. Other girls all seem unappealing (one-itis for the ex).
So yeah I've been trying to find my Caroline for this breakup, but I've been feeling too down to even do approaches. Shit vibe.
I'm probably going to fuck around with online stuff for a while, that's never been a gold mine for me, but it helps a little regardless... I did a bunch of online (just chat) before meeting Caroline in 2009 as well.
).
