Break Ups Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

[Teevster]

not if you have good relationship game they won’t. field tested. as already pointed out. he kept it vague because he was afraid and scared (his words not mine ) of actually defining the relationship and telling her how he felt about her

When did "defining the relationship" actually constitute good relationship advice? That's giving into her frame and kill any remaining intrigue. Again this is not Reddit or Vogue.

-Teevster

 

[Teevster]

yes….where meeting and winning her friends over comes into play lol

You will never manage to get her friends to side with you - in case of conflicts or disagreement with a girl.

-Teevster

 

[Skills]

i wish you spoke from your actual experience. rather than quoting things you read in a book or blog. because that way you’d see that what you just wrote is silly about her dumping you for treating her like a girlfriend.

as i wrote in response to teevster in the lay count thread. i have been work depressed low self esteem girls.they did not dump me for taking them to see my parents, do actual couple activities. follow them on social media etc., all normal couple things. i got dumped because i either cheated on them or took them for granted. where they didn’t feel that i cared about them or lost interest in them. because they were right.

Correct! total none sense lol... lol at this forum... the guys in this forum with the paranoia make blackdragon look like romeo..

 

[Skills]

When did "defining the relationship" actually constitute good relationship advice? That's giving into her frame and kill any remaining intrigue. Again this is not Reddit or Vogue.

-Teevster

teevester when the women hint a relationship is actually good relationship game vs the dude bringing it up brother! the dude wanted an ltr

 

[Teevster]

teevester when the women hint a relationship is actually good relationship game vs the dude bringing it up brother! the dude wanted an ltr

Totally, if OP tried to make her commit to a relationship, he already screwed up hard.

So wait, let me get this straight: guy wanted an LTR and tried to make it happen. She gave in - and now she complains about the guy not "committing hard enough"?

I mean don't you guys see the problem here? There is a clear contradiction here.

And to make it worse, some Keyboard jockeys suggest "committing harder" or suggesting that OP "should have comitted harder" to avoid the break up?

Like am I dreaming?

-Teevster

 

[Skills]

Ok, it was just that I have seen similar things happen to a friend who dated a girl from South East Asia - also a so-called "conservative" ranting about "familly-stuff". Hint: it was all manipulation.

But if she is a Turkish girl from a conservative background, isn't it odd that she was a 28 y old virgin? Any conservative girl would have been married by then. Most Turkish girls who are unmarried at that age, are those that are NOT conservative. Are you sure she is telling you the truth?

Remember, women often use conservatism, shyness, and all that as a form of manipulation. I am sorry to say, but my gut-feeling tells me something is really off here - but I have a hard time grasping exactly what it is - something just does not add up for me. Yes, you could have done things better, but are you sure she is not exagerating these things as a way to guilt-duce you? That is a very common girl-tactic. it could also have been a rationalization or a plausible deniability behind the break-up itself.

I doubt she dumped you because of "you did not taking her out to enouh dates" or "introducing her to familly" etc.

If those were real issues - and they can be, she would have posed an ultimatum. Thats what girls would do in most cases.

Things just does not add up here.

-Teevster

teevester, when you want an ltr and you meet her friend she meets your friends she is investing
meeting family massive investment..

etc.. etc.. all this things make girl invest and even harder to break up...

 

[Skills]

Totally, if OP tried to make her commit to a relationship, he already screwed up hard.

So wait, let me get this straight: guy wanted an LTR and tried to make it happen. She gave in - and now she complains about the guy not "committing hard enough"?

I mean don't you guys see the problem here?

And to make it worse, some Keyboard jockeys suggests "committing harder" or suggesting that OP "should have comitted harder" to avoid the break up?

Like am I dreaming?

-Teevster

no... she was the one hinting for relationship brother "meet my friends" "lets do social media" etc... She was hinting relationship for what i understand..

 

[Teevster]

teevester, when you want an ltr and you meet her friend she meets your friends she is investing
meeting family massive investment..

etc.. etc.. all this things make girl invest and even harder to break up...

You don't get it. Nothing wrong with meeting her friends and all that. But remember that this is hard commitement and buys into her frame.

OP not doing this is absolutely not the cause behind the break-up.

That's pretty damn obvious.

-Teevster

 

[Teevster]

teevester, when you want an ltr and you meet her friend she meets your friends she is investing
meeting family massive investment..

etc.. etc.. all this things make girl invest and even harder to break up...

You said he hinted at it?

"teevester when the women hint a relationship is actually good relationship game vs the dude bringing it up brother! the dude wanted an ltr"

This is so confusing.

-Teevster

 

[Teevster]

no... she was the one hinting for relationship brother "meet my friends" "lets do social media" etc... She was hinting relationship for what i understand..

Ok back to the original narrative then.

She was trying to make him commit.

He did commit - he did do things that showed commitement. He did not give her EVERYTHING she wanted.

But when did "giving into her every desire" safeguard a relationship? That's what Mark Cunningham would label becoming "high end" lapdog.

I mean this thread is like "she broke up with me" - and guys coming in and saying "that's because you did not show enough love" / "did not tell her "I love you" often enough".

But we both know that if he had given into these desires, she would have dumped him anyway - at best he would have bought some time. But once betaficated, she loses interest "with mathematical precision" to cite Franco. Or, she would have dumped anyway, because such women cannot be treated well. They need commitement, they seek it, but once they get it, they freak out. This realted to the LSE aspect.

-Teevster

 

[Skills]

I myself don't think I mistreated her. I always encouraged her, did yoga with her (I was doing ashtanga yoga on my own on and off for years), tried to help her find a job, got her in touch with a CEO of a company in the line of work she was interested in, took her out into the countryside to a few of my favourite places, gently suggested a while back that we take a holiday abroad together in future...She acknowledged all this herself.

The main "mistreatment" was not wanting to connect with her on social media (Instagram) as I barely use it myself, and not really feeling up to meeting her friends, or inviting her to my place (I always went to hers), but my place isn't optimal for meetings, and I tried to explain this to her...

i have a main for 5 years, and i don't have her or she has me on social media (she hinted and i explain the why), cause after break up is a mess is a good angle (and i told her about my ex, and the pua psychos) it did the job... But my girl is older and experienced... A virgin wants the fantasy of putting first bf she lost virginity too in social media (fucking normal), meeting friends (normal) again all of this if you really wanted and ltr, and you drop the ball.... Eventually she reached breaking point,, brother even fbs do the same, if they don't see progression at times... is common pua knowledge...

 

[Teevster]

And, back in the days, the poor OP would have gotten good old school advice: Soft next here, go find 10 other women, and wait for her to make a move.

Becasue total silence from OPs end after the break up would have been the only way to salvage the relationship. Yes it would have been Toxic, but that's the only thing that works for LSE women - hence why you should just leave them be.

-Teevster

 

[Teevster]

A virgin wants the fantasy of putting first bf she lost virginity too in social media (fucking normal), meeting friends (normal) again all of this if you really wanted and ltr, and you drop the ball.... Eventually she reached breaking point,, brother even fbs do the same, if they don't see progression at times... is common pua knowledge...

But there WAS progression.

Just not as much as she wanted.

And note again, she made no ultimatums - neither direct, nor indirect. None.

-Teevster

 

[Skills]

You said he hinted at it?

"teevester when the women hint a relationship is actually good relationship game vs the dude bringing it up brother! the dude wanted an ltr"

This is so confusing.

-Teevster

teevester, op was with a virgin, who is depress she gave virginity to him and is conservative and wanted a boyfriend...... it seems op wanted a girlfriend, but did not treat her like a girlfriend but as something a bit bigger than fuck buddy like an mltr, he never treated her like a main.... Already a depress girl, with no experience, and her first boyfriend she just reached breaking point cause she felt it was not going anywhere.... that is my read... By the time op tried she was checking out, and he got more needy (being the one down) pushing her even more away....

^ this dynamics are normal... happens a lot

 

[KJ Francis]

Correct! total none sense lol... lol at this forum... the guys in this forum with the paranoia make blackdragon look like romeo..

What part is nonsense? This is a girl who was actively vocalizing feelings of worthlessness about herself. Not just depression, but really low self esteem issues.

And to make it worse, some Keyboard jockeys suggests "committing harder" or suggesting that OP "should have comitted harder" to avoid the break up?

Regardless of any issues with the frame, I thought that it was basic that you need relationship progression? Like the two year drop article.

Not saying he needs to say I love you more etc, just that she needed some signals that it was not in a state of perpetual stasis.... Some signal of a future together having reached a year.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Ok back to the original narrative then.

She was trying to make him commit.

He did commit - he did do things that showed commitement. He did not give her EVERYTHING she wanted.

But when did "giving into her every desire" safeguard a relationship? That's what Mark Cunningham would label becoming "high end" lapdog.

I mean this thread is like "she broke up with me" - and guys coming in and saying "that's because you did not show enough love" / "did not tell her "I love you" often enough".

But we both know that if he had given into these desires, she would have dumped him anyway - at best he would have bought some time. But once betaficated, she loses interest "with mathematical precision" to cite Franco. Or, she would have dumped anyway, because such women cannot be treated well. They need commitement, they seek it, but once they get it, they freak out. This realted to the LSE aspect.

-Teevster

Teevster, to clarify, I wanted (myself, without her suggestions even) to do more things like meet her family members, I've been thinking about this for quite a while. But I wanted to delay it a bit, I wanted to spend more time with her first, do more activities like little vacation together perhaps.. Also I think time-wise was difficult, as she was away so much, there wasn't enough continuity as she was going away for weeks at a time every other month...I wanted for commitment to grow over summer but all this happened, I simply didn't get the chance to do it on my time scale...

And granted I was hesitant somewhat internally fi she is optimal for me due to her mental health issues.

 

[Teevster]

Teevster, to clarify, I wanted (myself, without her suggestions even) to do more things like meet her family members, I've been thinking about this for quite a while. But I wanted to delay it a bit, I wanted to spend more time with her first, do more activities like little vacation together perhaps.. Also I think time-wise was difficult, as she was away so much, there wasn't enough continuity as she was going away for weeks at a time every other month...I wanted for commitment to grow over summer but all this happened, I simply didn't get the chance to do it on my time scale...

Thanks for the clarification.

The break up is not due to you "not investing"/"commiting" enough. That's pretty damn clear here.

-Teevster

 

[Teevster]

What part is nonsense? This is a girl who was actively vocalizing feelings of worthlessness about herself. Not just depression, but really low self esteem issues.


Regardless of any issues with the frame, I thought that it was basic that you need relationship progression? Like the two year drop article.

Not saying he needs to say I love you more etc, just that she needed some signals that it was not in a state of perpetual stasis.... Some signal of a future together having reached a year.

He did commit more than most. It is not that he did not commit.

Teevster, to clarify, I wanted (myself, without her suggestions even) to do more things like meet her family members, I've been thinking about this for quite a while. But I wanted to delay it a bit, I wanted to spend more time with her first, do more activities like little vacation together perhaps.. Also I think time-wise was difficult, as she was away so much, there wasn't enough continuity as she was going away for weeks at a time every other month...I wanted for commitment to grow over summer but all this happened, I simply didn't get the chance to do it on my time scale...

And...

I myself don't think I mistreated her. I always encouraged her, did yoga with her (I was doing ashtanga yoga on my own on and off for years), tried to help her find a job, got her in touch with a CEO of a company in the line of work she was interested in, took her out into the countryside to a few of my favourite places, gently suggested a while back that we take a holiday abroad together in future...She acknowledged all this herself.

The main "mistreatment" was not wanting to connect with her on social media (Instagram) as I barely use it myself, and not really feeling up to meeting her friends, or inviting her to my place (I always went to hers), but my place isn't optimal for meetings, and I tried to explain this to her...

He supposedly just did not "commit" hard enough for her supposed liking. He going in harder on "commiting" would not have changed a thing because:
1. When did giving into her demands, especially of this sort ever work (long term).
2. Heck for all we know it is just a pretext, since the rationalization came post-break up.


-Teevster

 

[Velasco]

Thanks for the clarification.

The break up is not due to you "not investing"/"commiting" enough. That's pretty damn clear here.

he just wrote that he delayed doing all that because he was hesitant of committing due to her mental health issues. then he loses her. because she went into auto rejection. and THEN he tried to salvage it being needy “l love you”. if he didn’t think she was right for him then there would be no point about trying to salvage it. can’t be wishy washy

 

[Teevster]

he just wrote that he delayed doing all that because he was hesitant of committing due to her mental health issues. then he loses her. because she went into auto rejection. and THEN he tried to salvage it being needy “l love you”. if he didn’t think she was right for him then there would be no point about trying to salvage it. can’t be wishy washy

Jesus, I feel like I get different versions of the events after every single response.

Well, still, it does not change the fact that "committing harder" would NOT have saved anything. It wouldn't. Apprently he did end up "committing harder" without much success.

-Teevster