I went on a date tonight.
Good things were that I asked deeper questions, and we talked about things she found interesting. This is good, as I want to work on deep diving, things like hopes and dreams. It's good that she talked a bunch. All else being equal.
What wasn't so good was that she was sitting across from me, which is pretty hard to build sexual tension with. I'm making a rule for myself that she must must must sit next to me. So that I can, when the time comes, get close, and build tension. Not to mention touch. You can't really touch a girl when she's across the table from you. Moreover, I can hardly hear her when she's across the table. Which stinks. My new rule for myself is that she must must must sit next to me at the table. If not, for whatever reason, then I'll just leave. It almost never works out when she's sitting across, or in this venue 90 degrees to me. Rant over.
The trouble is you can't reward her for investing. You can't get closer, or turn up the sexiness, because you can't get close or touch. So even the deep diving doesn't hit as deeply, because you can't reward her, if you're not sitting close. That is my big takeaway from tonight. I've realized this lesson before, but still I didn't do it for some reason tonight. But now I know. It is my ironclad rule, now.
Anyway, another thing I was working on was feeling like I "deserved" a hot girl. Now, I know this sounds too much mental rather than just doing the actions. And I agree. 99% of the time I focus on just doing the right things, rather than the "mental" side of things. But in this moment in time, I think it was useful.
Because, the other day when I was kissing the girl from the last post, she said something like "you're so needy", when I was running my hands over her body. Now, I didn't ask what she meant, so I'm not sure if she was just teasing, or had a specific point, or what. But, I'm interpreting it for myself as being that I was acting timid with my hands and escalating, which could come from being nervous, because she was slightly more slim a girl than I usually get. Which has also happened with other girls, who were more attractive. Which means that maybe I didn't in the moment "feel" like I deserved hotter girls. Indeed, the girls I've been getting have been less attractive. Fair enough.
So, now I maybe should shift to "going for hotter girls". Including, thinking I "deserved" them (whatever that means). So anyway, tonight, I went in with that mindset. I think I actually repeated it in my head a little bit too, something like "I deserve the best". Now, I don't advocate for mantras and so forth. All I'm saying is that I did a little bit of that tonight, and it seemed to help.
I wasn't nervous, and challenged her more, which is good. Sometimes I didn't challenge as much before, or let them off the hook, which isn't good. So, this seemed to help.
Getting towards the latter part of the date, frankly there wasn't much of a vibe, for the reasons described above. But I invited her back for some wine anyway, and she said no I have to be up early tomorrow. As a side note, maybe I should screen for going out too late with girls on a weeknight. If they really need to be up early or whatever, then we'll just do it another day. I don't want to go out with a girl without the ability to hang out and potentially close. So that might be something to screen for.
But she said she had to get to sleep or whatever. Frankly I think both of us were kind of tired, so the conversation wasn't much there. Which is another reason not to go out late, I would think. I said I had to go, and got out some cash and gave it to her, asking her to pay the bill, so I could leave. I'm glad I did that, in that since it didn't seem like it was going to go anywhere, and I wasn't enjoying the interaction anymore, just find a way to leave. My time is valuable. I see nothing wrong with that.
I might text to see if she wants to go out again in a few days, just for the practice. But my prediction is she'll say no, because I shot my shot, and she said no, so the past-rationalization hamster will tell her she doesn't like me. Which is why you want to sleep together on the first date. Which is why you want to meet up early enough so there's time.
Poor women though! She wanted a sexy, scintillating evening with a guy like me, and through these snags it didn't happen. I guess this is just part of the learning process.
Thinking more about the "I am the prize" mindset, I haven't consciously used it for a while, but I remember a while back when I used it, and I did get some good (for the time) results. That is, it's helpful, if nothing else because it helps you charge ahead, into the unknown. For example, you don't hestate about approaching as much, or deep diving, or sexualizing, or pulling, or escalating, etc. Having that mindset streamlines a lot of it, basically because you just aren't getting in your own way by questioning what to do next. While is perhaps all game is. Allowing yourself to listen to your instincts. So for these reasons, it seems like a good thing to cultivate, to act faster, act more boldy, and to succeed more.
As looked at above, it's fun to break down the steps of the process and focus on each. For example, in this date, when we sat down, before ordering, she asked if I lived around there. Was this a signal to try to bounce us back to "have some wine there instead of here"? Maybe. Could have tried it. But I didn't feel comfortable taking that risk, and my beginner-ness doesn't know if that was enough interest to try to go for that, or if it was just opening chit-chat. I lean towards the latter. But, you never know.
For example with the steps, for the deep-dive, now, I like the idea of getting onto "hopes and dreams". If we have to settle for "things she really enjoys" (like art or sports or dance or whatever), then that can be good, too. But then at least you know how far to go. For the next step, sexual vibe, I like to think it comes from getting physically close (proximity), and then talking about sex topics in some sort of sexy way. Maybe, towards the end of that, tying it down by asking if she likes you. Something along those lines. I've done that before, but I'm sure there are other ways to do it.
Then for pulling, pull after that. The rest is somewhat "formulaic", in that if you've gotten to that point, then the escalation steps are pretty straightforward. But it's those middle sections where the meat of the work is done. So those are good to focus on.
For next time, focuses are 1. really getting deep on deep diving. 2. making sure she sits next to me instead of across (not difficult, just have to remember to do it). 3. continue to think "I am the prize. I deserve a hot girl", or whatever version of that makes sense to you. 4. create sexual tension by moving closer after deep diving, assuming she says interesting stuff. 5. maybe keep an eye on how late the date is, and making sure not to go out too late on a weeknight, or whatnot (not too hard, just have to remember to do it).
Good things were that I asked deeper questions, and we talked about things she found interesting. This is good, as I want to work on deep diving, things like hopes and dreams. It's good that she talked a bunch. All else being equal.
What wasn't so good was that she was sitting across from me, which is pretty hard to build sexual tension with. I'm making a rule for myself that she must must must sit next to me. So that I can, when the time comes, get close, and build tension. Not to mention touch. You can't really touch a girl when she's across the table from you. Moreover, I can hardly hear her when she's across the table. Which stinks. My new rule for myself is that she must must must sit next to me at the table. If not, for whatever reason, then I'll just leave. It almost never works out when she's sitting across, or in this venue 90 degrees to me. Rant over.
The trouble is you can't reward her for investing. You can't get closer, or turn up the sexiness, because you can't get close or touch. So even the deep diving doesn't hit as deeply, because you can't reward her, if you're not sitting close. That is my big takeaway from tonight. I've realized this lesson before, but still I didn't do it for some reason tonight. But now I know. It is my ironclad rule, now.
Anyway, another thing I was working on was feeling like I "deserved" a hot girl. Now, I know this sounds too much mental rather than just doing the actions. And I agree. 99% of the time I focus on just doing the right things, rather than the "mental" side of things. But in this moment in time, I think it was useful.
Because, the other day when I was kissing the girl from the last post, she said something like "you're so needy", when I was running my hands over her body. Now, I didn't ask what she meant, so I'm not sure if she was just teasing, or had a specific point, or what. But, I'm interpreting it for myself as being that I was acting timid with my hands and escalating, which could come from being nervous, because she was slightly more slim a girl than I usually get. Which has also happened with other girls, who were more attractive. Which means that maybe I didn't in the moment "feel" like I deserved hotter girls. Indeed, the girls I've been getting have been less attractive. Fair enough.
So, now I maybe should shift to "going for hotter girls". Including, thinking I "deserved" them (whatever that means). So anyway, tonight, I went in with that mindset. I think I actually repeated it in my head a little bit too, something like "I deserve the best". Now, I don't advocate for mantras and so forth. All I'm saying is that I did a little bit of that tonight, and it seemed to help.
I wasn't nervous, and challenged her more, which is good. Sometimes I didn't challenge as much before, or let them off the hook, which isn't good. So, this seemed to help.
Getting towards the latter part of the date, frankly there wasn't much of a vibe, for the reasons described above. But I invited her back for some wine anyway, and she said no I have to be up early tomorrow. As a side note, maybe I should screen for going out too late with girls on a weeknight. If they really need to be up early or whatever, then we'll just do it another day. I don't want to go out with a girl without the ability to hang out and potentially close. So that might be something to screen for.
But she said she had to get to sleep or whatever. Frankly I think both of us were kind of tired, so the conversation wasn't much there. Which is another reason not to go out late, I would think. I said I had to go, and got out some cash and gave it to her, asking her to pay the bill, so I could leave. I'm glad I did that, in that since it didn't seem like it was going to go anywhere, and I wasn't enjoying the interaction anymore, just find a way to leave. My time is valuable. I see nothing wrong with that.
I might text to see if she wants to go out again in a few days, just for the practice. But my prediction is she'll say no, because I shot my shot, and she said no, so the past-rationalization hamster will tell her she doesn't like me. Which is why you want to sleep together on the first date. Which is why you want to meet up early enough so there's time.
Poor women though! She wanted a sexy, scintillating evening with a guy like me, and through these snags it didn't happen. I guess this is just part of the learning process.
Thinking more about the "I am the prize" mindset, I haven't consciously used it for a while, but I remember a while back when I used it, and I did get some good (for the time) results. That is, it's helpful, if nothing else because it helps you charge ahead, into the unknown. For example, you don't hestate about approaching as much, or deep diving, or sexualizing, or pulling, or escalating, etc. Having that mindset streamlines a lot of it, basically because you just aren't getting in your own way by questioning what to do next. While is perhaps all game is. Allowing yourself to listen to your instincts. So for these reasons, it seems like a good thing to cultivate, to act faster, act more boldy, and to succeed more.
As looked at above, it's fun to break down the steps of the process and focus on each. For example, in this date, when we sat down, before ordering, she asked if I lived around there. Was this a signal to try to bounce us back to "have some wine there instead of here"? Maybe. Could have tried it. But I didn't feel comfortable taking that risk, and my beginner-ness doesn't know if that was enough interest to try to go for that, or if it was just opening chit-chat. I lean towards the latter. But, you never know.
For example with the steps, for the deep-dive, now, I like the idea of getting onto "hopes and dreams". If we have to settle for "things she really enjoys" (like art or sports or dance or whatever), then that can be good, too. But then at least you know how far to go. For the next step, sexual vibe, I like to think it comes from getting physically close (proximity), and then talking about sex topics in some sort of sexy way. Maybe, towards the end of that, tying it down by asking if she likes you. Something along those lines. I've done that before, but I'm sure there are other ways to do it.
Then for pulling, pull after that. The rest is somewhat "formulaic", in that if you've gotten to that point, then the escalation steps are pretty straightforward. But it's those middle sections where the meat of the work is done. So those are good to focus on.
For next time, focuses are 1. really getting deep on deep diving. 2. making sure she sits next to me instead of across (not difficult, just have to remember to do it). 3. continue to think "I am the prize. I deserve a hot girl", or whatever version of that makes sense to you. 4. create sexual tension by moving closer after deep diving, assuming she says interesting stuff. 5. maybe keep an eye on how late the date is, and making sure not to go out too late on a weeknight, or whatnot (not too hard, just have to remember to do it).