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bobbyb112

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2017
Messages
36
I went on a date tonight.

Good things were that I asked deeper questions, and we talked about things she found interesting. This is good, as I want to work on deep diving, things like hopes and dreams. It's good that she talked a bunch. All else being equal.

What wasn't so good was that she was sitting across from me, which is pretty hard to build sexual tension with. I'm making a rule for myself that she must must must sit next to me. So that I can, when the time comes, get close, and build tension. Not to mention touch. You can't really touch a girl when she's across the table from you. Moreover, I can hardly hear her when she's across the table. Which stinks. My new rule for myself is that she must must must sit next to me at the table. If not, for whatever reason, then I'll just leave. It almost never works out when she's sitting across, or in this venue 90 degrees to me. Rant over. :)

The trouble is you can't reward her for investing. You can't get closer, or turn up the sexiness, because you can't get close or touch. So even the deep diving doesn't hit as deeply, because you can't reward her, if you're not sitting close. That is my big takeaway from tonight. I've realized this lesson before, but still I didn't do it for some reason tonight. But now I know. It is my ironclad rule, now.

Anyway, another thing I was working on was feeling like I "deserved" a hot girl. Now, I know this sounds too much mental rather than just doing the actions. And I agree. 99% of the time I focus on just doing the right things, rather than the "mental" side of things. But in this moment in time, I think it was useful.

Because, the other day when I was kissing the girl from the last post, she said something like "you're so needy", when I was running my hands over her body. Now, I didn't ask what she meant, so I'm not sure if she was just teasing, or had a specific point, or what. But, I'm interpreting it for myself as being that I was acting timid with my hands and escalating, which could come from being nervous, because she was slightly more slim a girl than I usually get. Which has also happened with other girls, who were more attractive. Which means that maybe I didn't in the moment "feel" like I deserved hotter girls. Indeed, the girls I've been getting have been less attractive. Fair enough.

So, now I maybe should shift to "going for hotter girls". Including, thinking I "deserved" them (whatever that means). So anyway, tonight, I went in with that mindset. I think I actually repeated it in my head a little bit too, something like "I deserve the best". Now, I don't advocate for mantras and so forth. All I'm saying is that I did a little bit of that tonight, and it seemed to help.

I wasn't nervous, and challenged her more, which is good. Sometimes I didn't challenge as much before, or let them off the hook, which isn't good. So, this seemed to help.

Getting towards the latter part of the date, frankly there wasn't much of a vibe, for the reasons described above. But I invited her back for some wine anyway, and she said no I have to be up early tomorrow. As a side note, maybe I should screen for going out too late with girls on a weeknight. If they really need to be up early or whatever, then we'll just do it another day. I don't want to go out with a girl without the ability to hang out and potentially close. So that might be something to screen for.

But she said she had to get to sleep or whatever. Frankly I think both of us were kind of tired, so the conversation wasn't much there. Which is another reason not to go out late, I would think. I said I had to go, and got out some cash and gave it to her, asking her to pay the bill, so I could leave. I'm glad I did that, in that since it didn't seem like it was going to go anywhere, and I wasn't enjoying the interaction anymore, just find a way to leave. My time is valuable. I see nothing wrong with that.

I might text to see if she wants to go out again in a few days, just for the practice. But my prediction is she'll say no, because I shot my shot, and she said no, so the past-rationalization hamster will tell her she doesn't like me. Which is why you want to sleep together on the first date. Which is why you want to meet up early enough so there's time.

Poor women though! She wanted a sexy, scintillating evening with a guy like me, and through these snags it didn't happen. I guess this is just part of the learning process.

Thinking more about the "I am the prize" mindset, I haven't consciously used it for a while, but I remember a while back when I used it, and I did get some good (for the time) results. That is, it's helpful, if nothing else because it helps you charge ahead, into the unknown. For example, you don't hestate about approaching as much, or deep diving, or sexualizing, or pulling, or escalating, etc. Having that mindset streamlines a lot of it, basically because you just aren't getting in your own way by questioning what to do next. While is perhaps all game is. Allowing yourself to listen to your instincts. So for these reasons, it seems like a good thing to cultivate, to act faster, act more boldy, and to succeed more.

As looked at above, it's fun to break down the steps of the process and focus on each. For example, in this date, when we sat down, before ordering, she asked if I lived around there. Was this a signal to try to bounce us back to "have some wine there instead of here"? Maybe. Could have tried it. But I didn't feel comfortable taking that risk, and my beginner-ness doesn't know if that was enough interest to try to go for that, or if it was just opening chit-chat. I lean towards the latter. But, you never know.

For example with the steps, for the deep-dive, now, I like the idea of getting onto "hopes and dreams". If we have to settle for "things she really enjoys" (like art or sports or dance or whatever), then that can be good, too. But then at least you know how far to go. For the next step, sexual vibe, I like to think it comes from getting physically close (proximity), and then talking about sex topics in some sort of sexy way. Maybe, towards the end of that, tying it down by asking if she likes you. Something along those lines. I've done that before, but I'm sure there are other ways to do it.

Then for pulling, pull after that. The rest is somewhat "formulaic", in that if you've gotten to that point, then the escalation steps are pretty straightforward. But it's those middle sections where the meat of the work is done. So those are good to focus on.

For next time, focuses are 1. really getting deep on deep diving. 2. making sure she sits next to me instead of across (not difficult, just have to remember to do it). 3. continue to think "I am the prize. I deserve a hot girl", or whatever version of that makes sense to you. 4. create sexual tension by moving closer after deep diving, assuming she says interesting stuff. 5. maybe keep an eye on how late the date is, and making sure not to go out too late on a weeknight, or whatnot (not too hard, just have to remember to do it).
 

bobbyb112

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2017
Messages
36
I went on 2 dates today.

The first, she was a 22 yo who had recently moved to the area. We met up for a drink and talked. I tried out something different for myself, which was a more "cool" or "devil may care" feeling. I won't go into how I generated this feeling within myself, but it seemed to help some. It helped me ask questions, and make more sexual remarks, which is something sort of have to do to turn it more sexual.

I invited her home, but she said she doesn't do that on the first date. I tried joking like "haha I'm not a serial killer", but she still didn't want to come. We parted ways. She said she enjoyed it, although talk is cheap and doesn't really mean anything.

I did create some sexual tension by getting close. Although, she was sitting at 90 degrees at the table, which isn't super great for getting proximity. Also, that bar tends to play good, more sensual music on weeknights when it's less busy, but then on weekends plays rock music, and turns the lights up brighter. Which is super annoying, because it's much less conducive of a vibe. Maybe I need to find a new weekend date spot.

The second, she was 33 yo. She was in pretty good shape, though. We went to a bar nearby. We talked. I used the "devil may care" vibe, and it seemed to help. We sat on a couch, and I got physically close. I asked if she wanted to come home, and she said she had to get back to a sick dog she was taking care of for a friend. She had mentioned this earlier in the conversation, but I just think it's hilarious, because girls use this as an excuse not to go to yours, or whatever. "I have to let my dog out". It's just an excuse. But I think it's funny, because at the beginning, I could have said like "woah it sounds like you really need to take care of this dog, why don't we meet up another time when you're not stressed out about a dog". This after she has already traveled 20 minutes by car to meet up. I just don't want something like that as an excuse. In fact, I don't want any excuses. If this was sales, I would call it out. But I'm not quite sure how to elegantly say this for a seduction process.

For example, I could say "usually when a girl tells me they have to take care of a dog, it means they aren't really interested and just want to leave. Is that the case here?". But that's a bit too on the nose. Not elegant for seduction, me thinks.

On the plus side, I did enjoy having these interactions more, because I was conversing, making sexual comments, etc. That is good because I'm enjoying it. On the other hand, it's weird talking to people who aren't that interesting. I'm not sure if I should act interested or not. No, whatever she's talking about is not interesting. So do I show my boredom, or is there a better way to interact?

Maybe I'm just being sour grapes about it.

But seriously, I want to enjoy my interactions. Then again, maybe I just want results, lol. I think that is the answer. When you're getting results, it becomes a lot more fun. Oy vey.

Another element is movement. My usual process is to go to only one bar, then try to pull home. I know lots of guys use multiple locations, such as starting at one bar, then going to another, then home. I like to think you only need to do one location, so that's why I do it. But then again, I see the benefit of compliance by moving to multiple locations. However, my preference is just one, because it is simpler, it takes less time, I don't have to drink as much, and it costs less money. So I'm going to stick with 1 location for now.

When I'm deep diving, and talking about "sexual topics", I wonder how that needs to go. How "deep" do you have to go? Do you just need to find one thing she's passionate about, like a sport, art, travel, or maybe even work? What is needed here? Chase has the article about "what does she want; 8 questions to ask her". I guess I'm wondering, am I going deep enough with my deep diving? Am I turning it sexy enough with my sexual vibe part? Is she ready to pull when I've been going for the pull? You know, everything ;)

What should be my objective on a date?

What's also annoying is I'm not sure "how close" I was with these girls. Were they close to coming home? Were they in fact totally far, but I just couldn't tell?

P.S. I saw that Chase used a situation in a previous post as fodder for one of his articles. That's sweet! If you're reading Chase, I love you. I mean, olive juice. Yes, that's what I said... olive juice ;)
 

bobbyb112

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2017
Messages
36
I went on a date tonight.

The girl was 27 yo. We met at the cocktail bar and had a drink. I made sure to have her sit next to me, because that is a must-have rule for me going forward. We talked. I used my vibe of cute-and-sexy look, plus more mysterious eyes. I won't go into the specifics of mysterious eyes, but it's something I do.

I moved closer about halfway through, to amp up the tension. It seemed to help, in that there seemed to be more tension there. It's kind of weird, too, when you sit next to the girl, and then she doesn't look at you, she just looks forward. I'm not sure if it's because she is the one doing most of the talking (a good thing) or what, but sometimes they do that. I touched her a bit on the arm or leg during high points.

After she finished her drink I said I have a bottle of wine at my apartment and if she wanted to grab a drink there. She got all weird for like, multiple minutes, trying to say like "no, but I'd like to see you sometime this week". She got really weird about it, though. I let her struggle trying to come up with the words, because why not. Anyway, she got some words out. Then we talked for another 5 minutes or so. Then she got weird again, trying to say she didn't want to go home tonight, but might some other time. But she didn't have the right words for it, so it was just really awkward, for me. But I just let her struggle over her words, because I'm not charitable like that, I guess ;). Eventually, we both left, and she said she wanted to see me again, but talk is cheap, so I don't know.

I'm glad that she seemed to equate "grab some wine at my place" with sex, since at least then if she comes then you know it's on. This is just the same sticking point I've had with some girls back at my place, but here it happened before the pull even, rather than back at my place.

Sometimes girls use the excuse of not wanting to go back to my place because of safety. I'm not sure if this is just an excuse, or if there's something I could do to alleviate that more, that I'm not doing now. I'm leaning towards it just being something else, and her just using it as an excuse, since other girls have been fine with it.

I liked the vibe I had. I still didn't quite know how to transition to more sexual subjects. This is a sticking point of mine. How to transition from "deep dive" stuff to more sexual subjects. I did create a bit of a vibe by moving closer, which is good. If I felt it, then she must've. The next step is to get her to allow herself to feel that. Palm-face.

I also remember reading an article that said that this "stuff" doesn't work on girls 27 or older. I might believe that, based on my own experience. Regardless, though, I have been going on dates with them just to get experience, even if that is a thing. The experience is good, from deep diving to sexual tension to inviting home to escalate to sex. It gets you more familiar with the process.

I want to look for ways to have her invest, comply, and so forth. All the ways. The more invested, the better.

As a compliance device, maybe I could go and sit down, take off my jacket, then go to the bathroom, while telling her "watch my jacket will you?". I could come up with a whole list of compliance things to do. Maybe have her pick a table, while we're walking in, if multiple tables are available. But then if she picks a bad one, I want to just pick it anyway. Hmm. Another might be when we're meeting, text her and say "I'll be in the red shirt out front, call my name if I don't see you". Then you're reading your phone, and she walks by and says your name. It's compliance if you tell her to do it. Then even "come this way" as you walk into the bar. There are all these little things you could do to tell her to comply, which would do anyway. I wonder if this could backfire because maybe it's sort of transparent what you're doing ("don't tell me what to do"). Then again, it's just little things that can build up to better results.

Touching is another thing I want to improve. How? Hmm. What's good is the "sexy vibe", I think, which I used again tonight. I had been using it on dates before, but I had gotten away from it. I was also talking softly, which I like, because is more intimate. And gets her to lean in, sometimes. The girl tonight talked very loudly, which was weird. It's not very intimate, or sexy. I wonder if I should open a sexiness school for girls. Teach them the mannerisms to be sexy, and attract mates. Then again, those girls are out there, they just are "locked down" fast, lol. But still, this info needs to be learned, for the sake of man- and woman-kind!

Maybe I could record the audio of a date, and get coaching to see where I could improve. Or, I could write more detailed field reports, since that could help with specific feedback. Hmm. But I also want to keep the reports 80-20, so we'll see.

Adding this question: All 3 girls this weekend when I asked if they wanted to go home said something like "no, but I'd like to see you again". It's interesting because for whatever reason I have never gotten this response before, but now 3 girls in a row said it. Is this any different than just a "no"? On the face of it it could be, but at the same time it seems like a version of "I want to think it over", which 99% of the time means no. I'm planning on following up with them to see if they want to meet up again, just to see what happens. But I'm not counting on it. But we'll see.
 
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bobbyb112

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2017
Messages
36
I went on a date the other day.

We met up, and went for a drink at a bar a few blocks from my place. We had a drink, deep dived, flirted, invited her back. Minimal resistance, closed.

I tried changing some things up in my process. First, I tried to sexualize, going more direct, right from the start. This is on an app, so I'm talking about app messaging. I did this, and I felt it helped a bit. Because then she knows "what I want", and can't claim otherwise in her head.

Second, I let myself be more "skeptical", and changed my demeanor to be more fun, yet more challenging. This is a balance I've been trying to strike, between being "interested", and being "discerning". Basically, you have to be both those things, but in a fun way. It's a vibe, frankly. And I struck it. It worked because I was asking about what she liked and so forth, and also challenging on her answers. For example, she said she liked art. I asked if she did it now. She said not because she doesn't have time. I said how much do you work? She said 40 hours a week. I said so you have plenty of time, if you wanted to.

Sexualizing was a little harder. But I broke the touch barrier, which is good. My hand was cold because of the ice water, so I put it on the back of her neck. My hand was also still cold, so I had her give me her hand, to warm it up. So I held her hand as we talked for a bit. Then I invited her back.

It's this vibe of being fun, yet skeptical. The mindset, for me, is sort of like "I enjoy being alone by myself more than I generally like being with people, so if we're going to hang out you better be fun and worth it". This is good because it makes you into the "chooser". From there, a lot of right actions flow. You challenge, tease, deep dive, escalate, etc.

So that whole vibe seemed to work well. I've done it before, but had sort of forgotten about it for a while. But it helps. I also like sexualizing right off the bat on the apps, because then she knows what's up. It also feels more "me", for lack of a better word. Which gives you more license to be "fun" on the date. It's all congruent, and perhaps most importantly, lets her know you're a sexual guy.

So, I want to use this vibe more. It seems to work. Moreover, it's more fun for me. I also improved my fundamentals. I got a pair of boots I like. Also a pair of jeans I actually like. So I was feeling sexy in what I was wearing. Which is another secret of success. Dressing in something that makes you feel good, and sexy. I will say, I have never had a pair of pants or jeans I like. But I found a pair, and I felt actually sexy wearing them. Enjoyable. Similar with the boots. I've never had footwear I've been thrilled about. But the boots were a step up. So all these things help.
 

bobbyb112

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2017
Messages
36
Yesterday I went on 2 dates.

The first we met up, walked around the block looking for a place to eat. Found a coffee shop, had some drinks, then back to mine. Escalated, and closed. One piece of tech I liked was walking with her outside before going into or finding a place to sit down. This can be good because you get the benefits of "moving" with a girl. For example, lots of guys use multiple venues for their dates, where they start at one, then bounce her to another, then home. It's effect because when you move together, it feels like you've spent more time with each other. This is also why it's good to move a girl in the bar/nightlife venue.

For the dates I've been doing, typically we've just met outside the place I want to go, then go inside. However, some that worked somewhat better, I accidentally did this moving around beforehand. So, why not do this on purpose. I like it because then I don't have to go to multiple venues. Depending on what time of day, or when in the week, many places are often pretty busy. Moreover, ordering drinks can get expensive. Plus I don't like drinking alcohol anyway, so I don't want to go to multiple venues.

However, with walking with her before going inside, this can get some of the same benefits, without having to "bounce" to multiple venues. I also enjoy walking, so that is good, too. Sometimes I've done the reverse, where we sit down and have a drink, then go and "walk around". This is similar. But I like walking first, because sitting down seems higher investment and compliance, so it feels like the interaction is progressing. Rather than if you sit down first, then walk, it can feel like the interaction is going backwards, from the girl's perspective.

Also with this one, I used more direct messaging on the apps. Being more direct with your messaging on the apps can make it easier to be on the same page when you meet, and for closing. She knows what's up. On the date, I challenged her, using the "I am the prize" frame, which seemed to help.

On the second date, I did much the same. Met outside, walked a block or two looking for a place to get a drink. Found a place, and went in. Talked. Bounced her back to mine. Escalated. Closed. It was pretty similar. Again, my messaging on the app was direct, which made things smoother later on. I found with more indirect intentions on the app, the might be more likely to meet up, but less likely to close when you do meet up with her. So, by being more direct on the app, you might go on fewer dates overall, but close more of the dates you do go on.

Again, I tried to use the "I am the prize" frame. It sort of worked. I can't say my conversation was that great, although I did try to challenge her more. Frankly both these, I believe, were more cases of good screening, and the girls wanting something casual. I wouldn't say my game "helped" too much. But, it also didn't get in the way, which is a good thing.

For the second girl, who I liked better, I made sure to go multiple rounds with her. The first one, she left fast after the first round, because she had to get to work. For the second, we went multiple, and then she left. I want to follow up with her, just to see if she wants to meet up again, but my guess is no. Retention is something I want to work on. That goes with all of it. For example, deep diving well builds a personal connection that has her thinking of you as someone who truly knows her, rather than (just) a good bang. The second part is, indeed, being a good bang. Because that's important, and girls will come back for a good bang with a sexy guy. I'm working on that. I last decently long, using adapted missionary. I'm not sure if or how I could do things differently to allow her to orgasm better.

Another question, when you're doing adapted missionary, with you on your elbows on top of her, does that make it harder for her to breathe, if you're sort of putting some weight on her? it seems like it would, and would be uncomfortable. Although I might have just told you that some of the girls are on the bigger side. I guess that is something to work on, too.
 

bobbyb112

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2017
Messages
36
A girl we'll call Rita reached back out after our first date 10 months ago, and we went on a second date.

We had gone on a date 10 months ago, and got on somewhat well. We went back to mine, and kissed, taking off her shirt and bra, but not pants or underwear. She had left that time. I texted a few days later, saying I enjoyed meeting up and if she wanted to meet up again. She said no, not interested. I remained chill, saying cool no problem.

She texted the other day saying something like that if I was up for it she wanted to try going out again, because before she had something that was making her act weird. I said sure and we set up another date. It shows how if you remain chill, girls can sometimes come back around, and want to go out again, for whatever reason.

For this second date, we got drinks at a cocktail bar. I invited her back and we went back to mine. We escalated, and then fooled around for a while. She used her hand and mouth, but only if I had a condom on. We were both totally naked. At one point she got on top of me and rubbed her vagina on my dick. We kissed and so forth. It went on for a while.

Many times I went to put my hand or fingers on her pussy, she moved them away. Or, I would start rubbing it, and she would want slower. At one point I put one finger in slowly, but she said it hurt. Then I did it again, and it hurt again. So I took it out.

She also gave resistance early on with her pants. But as we got going, she took them off, then we were totally naked. I suppose this was all last minute resistance. At the same time, she didn’t seem to want to do it.

I wonder if the move is to ask her why she doesn’t want to, or what’s going on. Maybe it’s something emotional for her, like getting over a boyfriend, or something. At the same time, I’m not sure if it would help. You just keep messing around and tempting her, until she finally says sure and you have sex.

It went on for a while. We met at the bar at 7. She left my place at 9:30. My guess is we went back to mine at 7:30 or 7:45. So it was a while fooling around.

Earlier on, when at the bar, for pulling, I asked if she wanted to have some wine at my place. She deflected saying she wasn’t finished with her drink. It was like 3/4ths full, so I didn’t plan on waiting for her to finish the whole thing. A few minutes later, I said let’s go back, to watch a cat video we had been talking about. She was hesitant, and finally I just “took her hand” and said let’s go. I remembered Chase saying how sometimes you have to say “let’s go”, take her hand, and make it happen. I guess that’s an example here. Your leadership is what leads to moving things forward.

For fooling around, I suppose I could have said like “just the tip”. It’s hilarious how cliché some of this stuff is. But they don’t say it for no reason. I could have used this reasoning with her, and at least see if she went for it.

My style isn’t to push too far beyond explicit boundaries. She said she didn’t want to have sex, and I said that was no problem. I was chill and just kept doing what we were doing. But I suppose I could have gotten out of my comfort zone to try “just the tip”, and see if I could bust through some of that LMR.

She eventually left. I wonder if she would want to meet up again. I suppose two times meeting up, escalating at home, but it not leading to sex, is too much to overcome. On the other hand, is it part of some super secret plan of hers to get a guy to wait until the third date to have sex to make him love her? Do girls do this? Not sure.

In any case, she was on the more attractive side. Slim, muscular body (no, she wasn’t a guy), with short hair (still not a guy, but not my favorite). So it’s good to have fun with a more attractive girl.

I guess my LMR skills need work. Also, in general you want to go as long as you can, trying to change her mind to have sex. But, I get tired of it after a while, and want to go to sleep. So, if you want to improve, make sure to push through, even when you’re tired and just want to go to sleep.
 

bobbyb112

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2017
Messages
36
I went for a drink with a girl.

She was 29 yo from an app. She was okay. She used to do cool hobbies/stuff, but now she was “too busy”, even though she had a 9-5 job. It’s funny to me how the bar for if I like a girl can be “does she have hobbies/ anything creative that she enjoys doing”. Many don’t, though. It’s annoying, because I try to appreciate the rest of her. But if she doesn’t do anything creative, then that’s kind of well, we have nothing to talk about.

Her vibe was interesting. She didn’t make a ton of eye contact, and looked away a bit. I’m not sure if this means she didn’t feel comfortable with me, or didn’t like me at all, or was just shy. It wasn’t very nice for me, though. But, I guess I sometimes do the same thing. Like, when you’re talking, you don’t make as much eye contact with the other person. At the same time, you’d make an effort, if you liked them. So there’s that.

I touched her some. It was weird, though, because she was sitting in her seat next to me at a table, and was sort of on the far side of her seat. I sat more diagonal, to face her more, until she opened up, but she kept facing forward. So again, maybe she didn’t like me. Now that I’m starting to think about it, I don’t think she liked me very much.

I made a bit of an effort to touch, like touching her arm on a high point, or her back. I also used the cold-hands routine as an excuse to touch her hands/ neck. But hey, my hands were cold, from holding the drink.

I leaned back in my chair a bit, as a way to encourage her to chase, or just otherwise not seem too interested. Problem was, then, that we can’t hear each other. So I have to lean in.

Moreover, besides me touching her arm or back, we never really touched too much. How do you get better and better touch, when sitting in chairs that are miles away from each other? Questions.

I’ve had girls in the past that sort of faced forward and didn’t turn towards me too much. But the girls who ended up closing with usually had something cool I could latch onto to ask them about and appreciate about them. Like I said, it’s weird with girls who don’t do anything interesting, and then you can’t appreciate them as people. I don’t know what to do there.

On the plus side, at some point I started smirking more. I’ve been wanting to try this. It gives you a more sexual, sly, knowing feel. I did this, and I think it helped. We never really got on a strong sexual vibe, I don’t think, but it did help make things more fun.

I tried to pull partway through, after like 1 hour. She said “no, you’re a stranger”. So we kept talking. I get the brush off, but the “you’re a stranger” part feels weird to me. I probably could have done a better job deep diving and getting to know her. But, like I said, she was boring, so what do you do?

We kept talking for a while. Much of it was light. Which is fun, but probably doesn’t lead to strong connections or sexual vibes. That is, joking around is fun, but not sexual. So, I might need to shift into that more. Upping the sexual vibe. I think the number one universal way to do that is to get closer. But how do you do that on chairs? Maybe just do it.

At the beginning, she tried to sit diagonal from me, but I said to sit next to me so I could hear her. That was good. Can you imagine a girl sitting diagonal from you on a 4-person table? What the heck? None of that.

Maybe I could find a venue where sitting down you can get closer to each other. Like a bench seat, with a little table in front. I might know a place for that. That way, you can be next to each other. The vibe might be more sensual, too, which is good, at the place I’m thinking of.

Later on, I asked a second time if she wanted to come back for some wine. She said no, you’re a stranger, again, but that she appreciated the persistence.

I think it’s exceedingly unlikely that if I text her in 2 days to meet up again, that she won’t come out. But, I’ll probably try, just to see what happens. We got along alright, just not famously well.

But I think I can improve my venue selection. This place is sort of brightly lit, for a cocktail place. A different place might be more sensual. And sit close to each other. Only downside is it might have loud music so you can’t hear as well. But, you can lean close to be able to hear each other. So it might be better.

Also, what do you do if a girl just won’t get comfortable? Is in her head, not letting go at all, to have a normal, flowing conversation? That seems to be one trouble for me sometimes. Is it me? Is it her? Could I be putting her at east better? Maybe she just doesn’t like me? Hard to tell.

Also, too, go for younger girls. Late 20’s girls seem to have their “anything less than marriage, no” shields up. Or am I imagining things? Outside perspective might help.

I give it a 2% chance she wants to meet up again.

So, a few things: 1. How to put a girl at ease so she can have a normal conversation. 2. How to deep dive when she doesn’t have anything interesting going on in her life (reading, taking walks, and taking care of her dog do not count, so are just normal person things). 3. How to escalate physically and sexually, in a given venue (like barstools or chairs next to each other. A couch or bench seems easier for that sort of thing).

Also, my typical date setup is to meet at the location and do that one location, for 1 hour or whatever, and then invite back to mine. I know lots of people do multiple venues. Or (gasp) multiple dates. I see how this could be helpful. But, I don’t like drinking, so that sounds terrible. Also, you have to get up and move, which sounds bad. Plus, if you do it too much, buying drinks at multiple venues can get costly. So, I’d like to stick to one venue, if I can.

One way to help this would be to meet outside of one venue, but then walk with her to another venue where you’ll actually go. This way, you get her “moving with you”, in a seamless way. This builds the familiarity factor more, because you’ve moved around together. I might try to do this more, because it sort of can’t hurt.
 

bobbyb112

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2017
Messages
36
Question: Let's say you meet up for a date, it goes okay, you invite her back for a nightcap, she says no. You want to end the date so you say you have to leave. Before leaving, do you walk her to her car (parked a block or 2 away from the bar)? It's dark out at that point. Let's assume my objective is to give myself the highest percentage chance of having a second date.

On the one hand, I don't want to seem like a chump. On the other hand, she is a person and I don't want to undermine her sense of autonomy. What is walking-her-to-her-car etiquette?
 
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