My approach volume has been abysmal this week, I realize. Been dealing with some shit, plus low momentum from not going out at all last week. The interview went alright
My Outfit:
Medium-blue blazer, matching color face mask, white v-neck, gray jeans, bracelet, rings.
Girl 1: HBSoccer
Her background was French+Tunesian+Cambodian, she looked very 'Spanish' though, and she had long black silky hair with a slight tan.
Me: Hey, excuse me... I just realized something
Her: Sorry I don't speak english
Me: Espaniol?
Her: French
Me: oh Tourist?
Her: Student
Me: Student (why the fuck did I mimic her French accent here lmao)
She understood me just fine so I go into the usual mini-adventure rpo, and she asks me where I'm from, etc... So I use this to transition to the topic of travel, set some frames there and talk about traveling in china, (lightly). She had visited my city on vacation for two weeks and that's how she decided to live here longer. So I use this to bridge into the SOT of connection because your connection to a place changes when you first move in compared to when you get settled in and have been living for a while.
I have her describe what it feels like to have a good connection with someone, and I could tell from her description that she was actually thinking of " romantic connection" so I just went with it and also explained how even the flaws of the person lead to a strong connection because it makes them more real and endearing. If they were some perfect barbie doll it would be very boring.
Around that time I ask her what she's up to and she says she's just heading home so I invite her to get coffee with me real quick. At this point she asks me my name. Anyway, she's down and we get the coffee and search for a place to sit. I build some more social frame by asking her what she'd do if she had a million dollars, she says build a cosmetics business, and so I have her turn towards me so I can examine her make-up skills, she lets me examine her face but shyly says she didn't bring her A-game today.
Some taco truck had tables set up nearby and the owner graciously let us sit there. She told me some story about how she was a tom-boy growing up with her 3 brothers and she would love to play soccer, which was not considered a 'girl's sport'. So I qualified her on how I liked that she was independent and went after her passions.
Then I talk about tv-shows, social customs in different countries and used that to transition into the purity gambit. Then I said how a friend of mine hooked up with this girl in Thailand and how great that was and his observations that she was really innocent. "But by innocent he meant that she was curious about sex and wanted to explore different things. That's a really nice way of looking at the word innocence. Meanwhile in East Asia people only think of 'innocent' as meaning don't have any dirty thoughts and don't be interested in sex. " (basically it's a modification of the purity gambit but with innocence instead) So she relates by saying how she's always wanted to travel to Thailand as well and I agree, saying that it seems like a very liberal atmosphere.
I talk a little bit about parents and transition into how I'm on good terms with them but I don't share much about my thoughts and feelings with them. I like to keep the details of my dating life private from them and also private from people in general because word spreads even in a big city. So I share the 'stalker-art student' story and used that to transition into the 8-orgasms routine by saying that art students are mostly girls and of the few guys in the program, many are gay. So as a result the girls have a hard time meeting guys. "girls do in general have a hard time with dating...but actually I'm jealous of them for one reason"—went into 8 orgasms routine.
Then I change the topic to something boring. I think about her studies or something. Around this time she got a text and she had to leave so she asks me if I have an insta, but I take her whatsapp instead. It's unfortunate because I was just about to try and pull, but the good news is that she's actually living here so I will try and invite her to a boba place near my district.
Also when we sat down by the food truck, she was frequently preening her hair, and eye contact was really good.
Thoughts
Ohh I just realized something. Many times, when you're waxing poetic in order to emotionally stimulate girls, the conversation looks like this:
Me: [goes into an emotionally stimulating description of something] Her: yes Me: and [continues the lush description] Her: yes Me: and then you can just allow yourself [continues with even more description] Her: yes
At first I thought "hmm okay she's just saying yea yea yea. not bad, I guess but it would be cool if she contributes a little more" but then I realized that actually...this is indirectly setting up a nice compliance ladder, so its easier to suggest an instant date or something soon after. or easier to just move her a bit.
What I did well:
Figured out logistics on the fly. I was unfamiliar with this area
Used really good eye contact
SOT was good, that bit about their flaws increasing the connection.
What I could've done better:
I should've asked her what her plans were later, but I thought she was just going home. Didn't realize she was actually doing something afterward. I mean...it is a Saturday night.
I had a slightly better transition into the 8 orgasms routine last time. I'll need to review what that is.
2 Approaches, 1 number
Finally hooked a girl properly at a grocery store. I went to a nearby whole foods, what I learned is that they seem to be good because people are more likely to stand and really examine the shelves, rather than just grab-n-go. This gives me a little bit more time to open. My Outfit:
Textured black top coat, purple crew neck, black jeans, white sneakers, rings, bracelet.
Girl 1: We were standing next to each other in the deli section and I opened her with the usual grocery store RPO (buy one thing, but end up buying a million other things). She started yammering almost immediately actually, saying that it happens to her a lot in at Target and Whole Foods. I had a quizzical expression about the Target but she mentions how she just buys scented candles so I relate to her that with me it's the essential oils that I like, and she vibes with that saying how you can keep trying new essential oils and end up with a bunch of bottles of them. It honestly sounded like she was running some reality pacing on me instead.
I used a follow-up question that @Devilicious suggested, which was "what do you normally find yourself drawn to or what do you normally find yourself getting" and in her case it was just anything and everything that looks interesting. So I did a rainbow ruse on how she seems like the kind that's spontaneous and when she sees something interesting she goes for it. She gave me some food recommendations and then caught herself saying "i don't want to put too much pressure on you to get this now lol" and she picked out some pasta nearby. Then she got a text from her friends who were waiting by the checkout line. So I tell her we should grab a coffee sometime. She mentions that she lives a bit far away (like a 30 min drive) but is down for coffee and enters in her number as her friend comes to drag her away. She tells me to text her so she has my number. Throughout the interaction, she was standing really really close to me and I think she 'kinoed' me at some points, but I forget.
I text her something like: Hey [girl], it's Skippy (whole foods). Did you end up going with the mac and cheese?
yea... I need better ice breakers
Girl 2: She was by the crackers aisle. I grab a box and then open
Me: [buy one thing rpo]
Her: Oh yea, all the time. I hate it more when I come here and forget the one thing I was trying to come here for...because that happens all the time. Which reminds me, I need to buy some water (this is good to know for future reality pacing purposes! another woman said the same thing)
Me: Are you the dasani type, you like bottled water?
Her: I do the big jug they have a big jug down there and I just live off of that for a week
Me: What's something that you always end up indulging on?
Her: Usually...it's chocolate...which is hard to kick...like I just become addicted to chocolate
Me: Oh recently my parents like to get those big slabs...you know at trader joes...
Her: No actually
Me: It's like these large slabs of dark chocolate, basically.
Her: ohhh okay
Me: and my dad will be in the kitchen chopping it up into little pieces for us to eat.
Her: That's awesome
Me: So I always get that when I'm visiting them for the break
Her: Cool, I'm gonna get that water I was talking about
Me: Okay cya!
I realize I could've tried a rainbow ruse instead, and come up with more follow-ups, Also chocolate there are so many directions you can go with chocolate. A great idea is to connect whatever food she picks to holidays...and then transition the convo to holidays instead. Then you can set some good frames by talking about Halloween, for example.
Homework for next time:
2 more grocery approaches, and make an rpo for book stores at some point.
Today I went to two different grocery stores. One was pretty much dead around 5pm so I decided to go to another one around 6 and it started to pick up there. I have to keep reminding myself to stay in the grocery store for a while, since if you're not seriously shopping, it can be easy to get a distorted sense of time. Things are much slower paced there than on the street, for example.
Oh yea and I have to confess, I broke my nofap streak last week. I had gone nearly two months. The circumstances surrounding that were a bit extreme. I will be resuming it again, though.
My Outfit:
gray v-neck, black jeans, rings, bracelet, gray sneakers, blue facemask.
Girl 1: Korean girl with long wavy hair. She was wearing a black v-neck with some frills, and jean shorts, showing off a nice ass. She definitely caused lil Skippy to stir. She was standing examining the miso paste so I came by next to her. I counted down about 7 seconds before deciding to go in for it. I don't think she explicitly glanced at me, but she must've noticed me since she was standing a little further away from the shelf than I was.
Me: [buy one rpo]
Her: Oh yea hahahah it happens to me all the time
Me: right?
Her: I'm never there for one thing
Me: Yea! I mean it's better than buying a bunch of things and being like oh I forgot the one thing I was suppoed to get
Her: yea I know hahah
Me: like what's something that you always end up indulging in?
Her: Me? Um I don't know it's just soo random. Whenever I'm shopping I just see something that looks good and think ooh maybe I'll cook that. I guess I'm indecisive
Me: I get this sense about you then that you're probably a really spontaneous type of person...
Her: [chuckles]
Me: like maybe you see something that looks interesting and you're like 'I want to explore'
Her: Yea I'm like that
Me: yea...
Her: It's not always a good thing though
Me: yea I mean I guess sometimes especially during the quarantine, I've definitely explored a lot
Her: oh yea
Me: Do you know...um..dalgona coffee? It was quite the rage about a year ago
Her: coffee brand?
Me: It's like dalgona coffee...it's like instant coffee, sugar, and water and you stir it and it becomes really creamy
Her: Oh really?
Me: and then you can pour it on top of some milk and it's like a frappe
Me: yea...so that's something I just tried out
Her: [she looks it up on her phone because she's curious ands says it looks really good]
Me: Yea it gives you a real arm workout though because you stir it for 10 minutes before it gets creamy
Her; oh really, yea it's super creamy. I should try this, it looks really good. Thanks anyways
Me: yea do you cook a lot?
Her: me? uuuum...yea...I guess I do
Her: I love eating out
Me: I haven't eaten out in ages
Her: Oh really? ohh I lovve to eat out...
I try to drop some seeding about where I used to live not having too many restaurants, and then say I was actually going to make some stew (which is why I was at the section in the first place) She asks if I'm making ssamjang jjigae but I have no idea what that is, she gives some recommendations on the kind of miso paste I should get instead. Apparently the one I had was not meant for stew. I decided to just stick with it anyway, I said I wanted to try something spicy. I dunno, maybe I should've taken her recommendation).
Then I moved into the golden question, and she said shopping. I could've delved a little bit into this but instead I talked about how this city is really good for shopping and where I used to live it was cold and snowy so it's not as fun to window shop. Finally she takes the bait and tries to guess where I'm from. First she guesses Alaska and I accidentally tease her "Alaska!? No I don't live in an igloo ", which spikes her emotions and she cracks up. We talk a little bit about where we're from and she says she's been here for 7 years.
Me: So is this like your ideal place to live?
Her: Yea, I like the weather and also because it reminds me of [city]
I relate it a bit to other asian cities, like Shanghai.
Her: Yea I think shanghai is a very developed city in china...like with the whole building structures...it's very advanced. (Here I should've brought up the topic of travel)
Me: Like there's a ton of Neon lights. It's like Tokyo actually
Her: ohh yea yea
Me: It's like...one thing I realized...it's like every city...has their own unique way of being artistic. So Shanghai...it's definitely buildings. You know their main financial district? (I forgot it was called the bund) where they have the 3 tall skyscrapers?
Me: at night they'll do a light show. and at midnight, all the lights will turn out. it's really peaceful then.
Her: ohh
Me: yea I should get going actually. But you seem really pleasant. Do you want to grab a coffee sometime?
Her: ohh...no..I'm okay, though
Me; oh, no worries.
Her: yea haha have a nice day
Thoughts
Throughout this conversation, she started stroking her hair and giving really good eye contact in the middle. So I was a little bit surprised when she said no, and I'm still trying to figure out what was missing. I could've managed the conversation more smoothly, and keeping an eye out for helpful subtopics. I was reading Bacchus's article on that and I will at some point do the exercises he suggests there.
What I did well:
This was probably the longest grocery store convo that I've had, so I'm happy about that. But...it could be because she still hadn't picked the miso paste she wanted.
What I could've done better:
Being on the look-out for taking things into an SOT or taking it into a question that builds social frame a little better.
I also needed to be setting more 'adventurous' frames to raise the odds of moving her through the next transition phase.
Homework for next time:
Make it a goal to just have a 5 minute convo at the grocery store. I realized it's a good idea to start out your outings with stuff I want to experiment with and try and then near the end of my outings do things that are 'comfortable', eg, start out with some warmup, then go into grocery stores, do an approach or two, then finish with hitting the streets for 1-2 approaches. I got the idea from this video
2 approaches
Lately my momentum has been crap, so I'm just glad that I got the ball rolling again.
I'm trying a new setup of working 6 hours a day, 8 hours of sleep, 5 hours on chores and extraneous stuff, and 5 hours on daygame(this includes the time it takes to write up field reports and commuting). So today what I did was, I hit up the downtown area for 2 hours, came home, ate dinner, and then went out for another hour to do some more approaching. Basically if I can put in 5 hours of deliberate practice every day for 5 years, that'll get me pretty close to the 10000 benchmark to hit mastery.
Other options are to go out from 3:30 to 7 and come home to eat some dinner, before writing up a field report.
Also, I've been getting puzzled by the inconsistency of grocery stores, some times there will be 3-4 attractive girls, but most other times there's none. I'm thinking I should just focus on whole foods, trader joes, and one or two specialty grocery stores that I know specifically have a nice vibe and attract cute girls. I'll probably just ditch the main chain supermarkets as they're very inconsistent. I've sort of tested out different times, but maybe I need to be more thorough. Thing is, I don't think it's enough to go by just days and times. I think the weather also has something to do with the variance.
I mean I could just double down and meticulously record statistics for the day and time that I go there...I'll do that retroactively actually.
My Outfit:
Black jeans, purple noise long-sleeve, white jacket
First I went to a Target, but I didn't do any approaches. I forced myself to stay there for at least 30 min, however. Sometimes I'll go to a grocery store and not see any attractive girls and I'll immediately want to bounce. But there were two good opportunities which I missed. One was this girl wearing an orange yoga outfit by the clothes section. I assumed it'd be weird to approach her while she's checking out lingerie or something, but actually, she was just looking at some unisex Tee's. I could've totally approached.
Another approach I chickened out on was a girl by the wine section. I could've done my wine RPO. But I didn't open her because I was afraid people around me would listen in. Stupid reasons, I know.
Girl 1:
She was weirdly rude. She said "I CANT HEAR YOU" and when I tried to repeat myself she cut me off and said shouted the same thing. Whatever.
I got home, frustrated with myself after not having done any real approaches. so I resolved to eat quickly and go out for another hour after dinner.
Girl 2:
This was a long 20 min interaction on the street. I wasn't terribly attracted to her. Did the mini-adventure rpo and she stops initially. I made the mistake of not locking in, and we continued walking after a while. We talked about travel and I set frames of being adventurous, living life to the fullest, did a rainbow ruse of how she occasionally likes to try new things in order to prevent life from becoming same old same old, and she agrees that she's like that. Then she mentions traveling with her high school friends so I ask her if she notices a difference between her high school friendships and her college friendships and we talk about how after you've known them for so long, you can even tell if they're lying, or if they have a crush on someone. I touch upon the SOT of connection a little bit, but I feel like I'm not squeezing out all the juice I could be when I discuss these topics.
I ask her the golden question and she quickly answers soccer. I ask her what she likes about it, whether it's the strategic aspect or the fact that you can go all out and just get your blood pumping. I try to talk about flow, but she doesn't really know what it is.
The convo turns to Breaking Bad, and cooking, and I try building some more social frame by asking her about other tv shows she watches, so I also mention how my sister got us to rewatch sherlock when we were home for the break, she relates by saying her sister watches Grey's anatomy and we both agree that we're not into medical shows. so I say
Me: yea I don't think I could ever get into medicine because it just makes the human body turn into this really clinical object. I have a romanticized version of the human body and studying it too closely would ruin that. For example, have you ever seen a Greek sculpture?
Her: Yea I think I have.
Me: Well my friend was discussing this topic once in undergrad. He was asking what really makes the human body artistic? Is it only artistic because of the sex appeal or is it artistic because of its own form? If it didn't have that sex appeal, would it still be artistic?
Her: I think it would
Me: you know the Vitruvian man?
Eventually, I decide to peel off to go to a grocery store. I suggest a coffee sometime, but she says "ohh I don't even have time, I work like every day". Here I should've just taken down her number 'in case her schedule frees up.'
Thoughts
Does walking side-by-side siphon off sexual tension?
What I did well:
Got into the topic of connection as an SOT
Touched upon the topic of sex by talking about Greek sculptures. Maybe I could've done more with this, such as praising the Greeks for being so liberated and sexually nonjudgmental. Also fun fact: they preferred smaller penises.
What I could've done better:
Stop her, and lock in. Don't be lazy and don't just keep walking alongside her. At the very least, you can think of this from a deliberate practice pov, that if you force yourself to talk to girls while stationary, it'll still build up other skills. I mainly botched this up because it's been a couple weeks since I did my stopping girls downtown experiment.
Homework for next time:
Go to the shopping area, do 1-2 approaches there and then 45 min before you want to leave, go to the nearby wholefoods and hangout there.
3 approaches
I left the house about an hour later than I expected because I took a 2 hour nap. The great news is I've finally found a place with good volume for Saturdays. I managed 3 approaches today, and that was with still passing up plenty of other options. The other thing is my vibe was jittery because I was hungry when I did the last two approaches, and I couldn't focus much, and I almost felt like I was in a trance during those interactions.
I tried out a bookstore today and it was very promising! My approach at the bookstore was a flop, but there were a decent number of attractive girls walking about and I have some better ideas on how to go about it, now. I'll explain in a moment.
My Outfit:
Blue blazer, white v-neck, gray jeans
Girl 1: She was by the bibliography section. She quickly glanced at me as I went to pull out a book on the shelf next to her.
Me: Hey I just realized something
Her: sorry?
Me: have you ever realized when you're at [bookstore] you just feel more open-minded?
Her: No [mumbles something]
Me: really? because I was just thinking, you have all these brand new titles, and you see something catches your eyes and it wouldn't be something that you normally read and it just inspires you to check it out...
Her: yea...cool!..maybe you should check it out
Me: yea my go-to section is usually the productivity section.
One idea I had was... if she's engrossed in a book by the shelves, I could ask her to scoot over a little to quickly check out the shelf she's by and then I could just ask her if the book she's reading is any good...and then go into an rpo about the grocery store. Also, I should tweak this rpo a little bit to be "have you noticed how when you're browsing for books...you just feel more open-minded"
Girl 2:
Gorgeous tanned blonde woman by the Barbeque sauce aisle
Me: Hey...[she doesn't respond first, she didn't hear me]
Me: Excuse me...I just realized something..
Her: ya
Me: Do you know that feeling when you go to the grocery store and you're just buying one thing...and you see all these things and you're just like...oh...so much more to buy
Her: yea I hear you
Me: happens to you a lot?
Her: yea all the time, yea, I really only came here to buy 5 things and here I am so yea
Me: what do you normally gravitate towards?
Her: Ummmmmmm....honestly....I don't really know. whatever I'm feeling. Obviously I came here hungry so that's a thing haha
Her: what are you getting? Barbeque sauce?
Me: I'm actually making these beans... (why the fuck am I talking about beans lol)...I saw this recipe
Me: Okay really random story....
Her: uh huh
Me: I was watching breaking bad...have you seen that?
Her: A little bit, not really (I could've set an open loop here, by instead asking her about what tv shows she watches)
Me: there was this scene where the gangster was cooking and it looked really good, so I looked up the recipe online
Her: oh that's cool
Me: and I kinda just winged it...
Her: okay [there was a slight awkward silence here]
Me: What are you making?
Her: Umm well I'm all out of barbeque sauce and so I came to get multiple different ones to try them out so that I know which one's going to be good
Me: okay
Her: I'm making chicken and farro...very boring.
Me: I do get this sense about you though that you're like a little spontaneous.
Her: yea
Me: If you see something interesting you like to go with it and see what it's like.
Her: yep, just winging it
Her: Nice to meet you eh, good luck out there
Let me analyze the subtopics in this convo and think of more pragmatic subtopics instead:
Grocery Shopping
Buying more food than you expect
What do you normally gravitate towards
What we're cooking
Food from tv-shows
Idea: "are you the type of person that's really organized when it comes to shopping or do you just wing it"
Idea: "If you could indulge in something without having to worry about the price or being healthy, what would it be?"
Childhood snacks
"You seem a little spontaneous"
I still need to figure out how to smoothly get off the topic of grocery shopping and into more personal topics. Otherwise these convos will not last very long.
Girl 3:
Another supermarket approach. She laughed and agreed with the rpo, but went back to put the item in her cart(which was far away) and she just continued with her shopping.
Thoughts
—open-loop when it comes to getting groceries: don't wait until she's already selected her item, open her before! This is a little sneaky, but it buys more time to get her immersed.
I will keep thinking of topics and subtopics and use this to analyze my conversations. Honestly, I still need to get better at identifying the different components in the convo. Right now it seems like one blob.
What I did well:
Did 3 approaches
tried out the bookstore
Found out a good way to go about the saturday 'hunt'. I can sit by the colorful chairs and just wait for girls to pass by or I can get off my ass and go up to the bookstore, and when I'm about to head home, I can go to the whole foods or stop by at my local supermarket.
What I could've done better:
More pragmatic choice of subtopics when it comes to the grocery store.
Also, I need to have a sense of 'mirth' when I open in the grocery store. The RPO is supposed to be a lil humorous and playful (subtly so)
Homework for next time:
Tomorrow I'm going to my beloved tourist trap. Afterward I will go to the grocery store there, (probably). What I will focus on, is speaking from the chest and trying to touch upon the SOT of connection for the street approaches. Oh and also stopping girls that I approach on the street.
One idea I had was... if she's engrossed in a book by the shelves, I could ask her to scoot over a little to quickly check out the shelf she's by and then I could just ask her if the book she's reading is any good...and then go into an rpo about the grocery store. Also, I should tweak this rpo a little bit to be "have you noticed how when you're browsing for books...you just feel more open-minded"
One thing that could also transition well, is to talk about how you love reading books for the feel of being transported to another place, and experiencing the culture and people described in a book almost first hand... How some authors can really bring you into a new place, solely through words.
Then transition into a deviation of the imagine game. Specifically the tourist gambit. It should be relatively natural to shift from discussing how books let you mentally go to new places, to talking about where she would like to go. And along the way, you'll insert some sexual liberation frames too.
4 approaches, 1 fb invite (she asked)
I went to the tourist trap and then followed it up with the nearby trader joe's. And yea I got in 4 approaches, and that was in spite of me hesitating too much for one set. If I can maintain that number of approaches consistently that would be amazing.
My Outfit:
floral bomber
Girl 1:
I opened with something casual like "oh doesn't it seem quieter than usual today" and the went into the mini-adventure rpo. I wasn't sure how to stop her because I opened her casually rather than with some intrigue bait. Anyway up close, I realized she looked much older and I wasn't too interested in her. She talks a little bit and seemed receptive but then went into a Zara
Girl 2:
Pale blonde girl with a bubble butt. She was super receptive, asking me questions and continuing the convo, asking me my name, etc... She just recently moved to my city "for love", according her. And she mentioned a partner. Don't know what that means. She was looking for a cafe to work, but didnt find the place she was looking for, so she decides she'll turn back and go to a starbucks.
She asks if we can exchange insta's but I told her that I don't use it b/c too much drama and that it's a long story, and she starts qualifying herself saying she doesn't use it much either. She asks if I have snapchat so I say no and then she asks about fb and I relent and give her my fb.
Next I went to a trader joes. The strategy of allowing myself to stay for 30 min works really well. I notice a girl by the frozen food section, so I go in.
Girl 3:
Me; [buy one rpo]
Her; yea yea I've been there
Me: Does it happen to you a lot
Her: umm yea yea on occasion
Me: like if you could indulge in one thing and not have to worry about calories or anything, what would it be
Her: probably the cookie dough
Me: ohh the one at trader joes?
Me: I've never actually tried that
Her: yea it's good
Here I just ejected because I didn't know what to say. And I was nervous.
Around this time I started to get hungry and had trouble focusing but I still was in the mood for one more approach...
Me: Hey I just realized something funny
Her: yea
Me: D'you know that feeling when you go to the grocery store to buy just one thing...
Her: And you get a bunch of stuff? Always...
Me: Exactly, how does that happen, right?
Her: Haha
Me: like what if you could indulge in just one thing and not have to worry about calories or anything...what would you get?
Her: Um. I mean I would do it anyway
Me: okay! that's nice!
Her: Because you shouldn't have to guilt yourself about it as long as you feel good and do something about it afterwards you know?
Me: So you're the type that's just like really open and enjoy yourslef
Her: Yea just indulge yourself and be healthy and exercise...I mean I'm vegetarian so I just stick to a simple diet like that.
Me: Oh cool, how did you decide to become vegetarian? Her: Oh my parents were vegetarian, I was raised vegetarian.
Me: okay, it's actually the same thing with me and one thing which I found interesting is...like if you've never grown up eating meat...
Her:—yea it's normal for you...you don't miss it
Me: yea it also just tastes really strange... just really unfamiliar
Her: yea I mean.. it just seems unnecessary
Me: So what's the story behind your parents?
Her: Well they met at a Hindu temple and just took on that whole culture. They're not Indian. My dad's from brazil and my mom's from Peru, but India's just like their favorite country and the spirituality behind it all and the vegetarianism is for the greater good
Me: Have you ever been to India?
Her: I've been to india when I was younger I haven't been there recently but I would love to go back.
The conversation goes to what it's like traveling in countries where you don't speak the local language. And how she's mostly only traveled to countries where she speaks the local language because she speaks Spanish, Portuguese, and English. There's a lull in the conversation here and she wraps it up with "well it was nice to meet you and have fun with your travels". I was caught off guard here and didn't push for anything.
Notes:
She was very talkative, but she didn't ask me any questions in return...
Her body was not fully facing me, and she would go back to looking at the food periodically. I felt like I was 'bothering' her
I passed by her again a while later and she gave me a wave. Fuck....she was really attractive.
Thoughts
Reaaaaaly kicking myself for not going for a number close. I could've just said something like my usual "oh real quick actually...you seem quite pleasant actually. I'd like to get to know you better over a coffee or something" Part of the problem was that I got really hungry...again...I underestimated how much food I'd need this morning. So I wasn't thinking straight. Maybe make it a ritual to eat a snack before going out? I mean I had a handful of nuts but clearly, it wasn't enough
Also, body language...I need to test out what happens if I turn fully towards the girl. Throughout both interactions, I opened over my shoulder and mostly just kept it that way. Eventually I should turn towards her fully and see if she'll mirror it.
Stuff I need to test out specifically for grocery stores:
intrigue baits
open loops
turning fully towards the girl
standing a little closer?
Asking them the "what would you do if you had a mio dollars" follow-up
Another thing about the topic of indulgence is I can then ask them stuff like what do you really enjoy doing besides eating, sleeping, etc... Also Maslov's hierarchy of needs could be a good way to transition to the golden question.
What I did well:
First and foremost getting in 4 approaches within a pretty reasonable time frame. This was because I blocked my time well. For example, I calculated how much time I'd need to spend at the grocery store, how much to commute, etc... and acted accordingly.
What I could've done better:
One thing which messed me up was getting a cart instead of a basket at the grocery store. It just got in the way and made it hard to get next to the girls to approach. Even if it's one of those tiny carts. Stick to baskets.
Homework for next time:
Go hit up another whole foods tomorrow and maybe do a couple of approaches before then. But for the grocery store approaches, test out what happens if you transition to turning your body to them fully(when they've earned it). Will they eventually reciprocate?
3 approaches, 1 number
I took a 3 hour nap before going out...Jesus. At least I wasn't hungry during the grocery store session.
My Outfit:
Black textured top coat, purple crew neck, black jeans, white sneakers.
Girl 1:
I messed up the stop, and kept walking with her. It fizzled out pretty quickly. I still went for the close but she said nah.
Girl 2:
Somehow I just got the sense that she would be receptive. I can't put my finger on it but I just had a hunch that she was perceiving me.
I stopped her properly with the mini adventure rpo, she's lived here her whole life so I transition to gambit "have you noticed how when you first move into a place vs living there for a while" then go into the "different cities have different art" gambit, then she asks me where I'm from and tries to guess, so I transition from that to where she would travel. She says mexico so I relate by giving a description of Puerto Vallarta, because I watched a vlog of it today, and asked her what she would do once she lands in mexico.
She talks a little bit about how today she took her mom out to dinner and someone paid for their meals, so I talk about my gratitude journal. Around this time I ask her about her logistics and talk about cafes nearby asking her if she knows any that are nice. I ask her if she wants to get a coffee with me real quick but she says shes really full and she mentions having work tomorrow and it turns out she works a 6-8pm job. Yikes! So then I ask her the "million-dollar question" she would travel and spend time with her mom. She wouldn't buy a big mansion or anything
So I relate with her about how when I think back to what caused the most nostalgia it was when I was living in places that weren't necessarily the most polished. Almost run down. So I ask her about how she would describe nostalgia or what causes nostalgia...I tell her I have a theory. She says it's about living in the moment and not being afraid and just being carefree. So I share my theory on nostalgia (it's caused by cold or night-time).
Her saying that nostalgia is caused by living in the moment reminds me of the concept of flow. so I ask her if she's familiar with that and ask her what causes flow for her. And she says it's when she's painting. So I emotionally stimulate her a little bit on that and then say that for me I get into the state of flow when I'm working on math problems. And I talk about how I have nostalgia for those times when I stay up really late and solve a math problem and how my mind is racing afterward and I can't sleep because I'm just so excited by what I've done.
Me: "have you ever had those times when you've stayed up really late at night to finish a painting?"
Her: oh yea absolutely and it's also like when you're reading a good book and you just stay up 4 or 5 hours.
She abruptly says "wait it's just so random that you started talking to me hahah!" (she said it in a good way though, like "wow this is such a pleasant surprise" ) so I respond yea " I can tell you're a very spontaneous person". She has to get going so I suggest we grab a coffee sometime. and she puts down her number. She makes a little bit of small talk(asks me some social frame questions) before going off to the train.
Afterwards I go to the whole foods. It was fucking crowded there and the checkout line lasted all the way to the end of the store. There were cute girls...but some how I didn't quite get to them. No matter. I still did one approach. I'm trying out something that @Devilicious suggested, which is opening casual and then going into the rpo. This works nicely at grocery stores
Girl 3:
I wasn't too attracted to her, but I was in a social mood. We were standing next to each other at the premade food section. I take a box and ask her if she had tried this before and if it was any good... then transition into the Buy One RPO. She finishes the sentence for me and says yea it happens to her all the time. So I ask her what she would indulge in if she could. And she says Beyond burgers. We talk a little about those and which brands are good. I think I was basically just building rapport. And I ask her what she's making today. Eventually, she wraps it up saying
Her: Have fun with the rest of your shopping and don't fill up your basket too much haha
Me: We'll see about that
I totally forgot to test out turning to her fully. Also I realize I should've thrown in a rainbow ruse
Thoughts
I had an idea for open loops at grocery stores. Here's how it goes After asking the girl "what would you indulge in?" She would say "X". I can reply with "you know I've noticed there's a very specific personality type that chooses X to indulge in...suppose I were to ask you....[Golden question]"
What I did well:
Stopped the girl
My emotional stimulation was flowing pretty well today
What I could've done better:
Lots of things, but mainly it's the attention grabs that I'll need to work on in the future to avoid getting that "Oh it's so random that you talked to me" kind of a reaction. Also I fucked up the attention grab with the first girl which is why I didn't get a chance to properly stop her.
Homework for next time:
Warm up, 1-2 bookstore approaches, then 1-2 street approaches. For the bookstore approaches focus on trying out turning your feet to her fully. For the street-mall approaches, focus on stopping her and giving sexual subcoms.
Lots of things, but mainly it's the attention grabs that I'll need to work on in the future to avoid getting that "Oh it's so random that you talked to me" kind of a reaction.
Interesting you think that is something to be avoided. I have always thought of it as a positive thing when girls go "Wow, i have never tried that before, that was ballsy!" or "Omg that was so cool when you approached me" etc. You know, calling out your approach as something that rarely happens but in a positive way. That's why on my direct openers i call it out before the compliment "I know this is complete random, but..." to smoothen things over a bit. Anyways, i always thought of it as a good thing when girls call out your approach as "random" in a positive way, however, i have noticed the girls i close from these intereactions either go super hot when we transition to texts or super cold. They might even reply on my icebreaker "Wow that was so extremely cool the way you came up to me, thanks for the sweet words! -Lisa" but then on my follow ups they get cold feet. Not always ofc, many of the enthusiastic girls stay that way until the date, but i have noticed the opposite being the case too. Where it went so fucking swimmingly and she was super into it and then boom. Had a date who flaked yesterday that was like that.
Yea for sure! They're still very much open to revision too, so if you have any opinions I'd be down to field test and play around with them too.
Have you noticed how when you first move into a place vs living there for a while Have you noticed how when you first move into a place vs when you've been living there for a while...it's like they're two completely different places? Even though nothing has changed, it's like your perception of it gradually changes. What's going on there? It's similar to how when you first meet someone compared to when you know them well.
The idea for this came from when I was an undergrad and thinking back to how the campus felt different during orientation week when I first arrived compared to a couple years later when I was completely settled in. That's the essence I'm trying to capture here.
Some ways to proceed would be to talk about novelty wearing off or going more along the connection route and maybe talking about contrasts between your first impression of someone to how they actually turn out. Maybe saying how it's the contrast that makes your final impression of them more intense.
Different cities have different art
I start out with the mini-adventure rpo, Then I might first go into a rainbow ruse or cold read about how familiar she seems with the surroundings first if I need her to hook a little stronger. After that, or if she's already strongly hooked, I will say
...and speaking of artwork, isn't it interesting how the people of different cities have different ways of expressing their creative sides? " for example our city is known for [xyz,eg. architecture, lighting, or murals, or whatever](usually she'll agree) but where I used to live it was very cold and snowy and so they would put up pretty lights around the downtown area instead
This could prompt her to ask where I used to live, or I could ask her if she's lived somewhere else and if she's noticed something unique about the art scene in her previous city. Another route to take from there is asking her how she expresses her artistic side.
Interesting you think that is something to be avoided. I have always thought of it as a positive thing when girls go "Wow, i have never tried that before, that was ballsy!" or "Omg that was so cool when you approached me" etc. You know, calling out your approach as something that rarely happens but in a positive way.
Yea I guess it's a mixed bag then. If she says it in a positive light, especially since you're using direct openers it's probably a good thing.
Since I switched to indirect, I'm trying to engineer something like a "He noticed me noticing him" kind of a thing. So I'd like to avoid the scenario that Bacchus mentions where the emotions are spiked during the meet, but then she cools down afterward and is thinking about my text messages in a more logical headspace of "oh he probably talked to a lot of people like that".
My understanding is that that's one downside to her thinking you noticed her first, and my guess was that it manifests itself as "oh it's so random you approached me like that".
Anyways, i always thought of it as a good thing when girls call out your approach as "random" in a positive way, however, i have noticed the girls i close from these intereactions either go super hot when we transition to texts or super cold. They might even reply on my icebreaker "Wow that was so extremely cool the way you came up to me, thanks for the sweet words! -Lisa" but then on my follow ups they get cold feet. Not always ofc, many of the enthusiastic girls stay that way until the date, but i have noticed the opposite being the case too. Where it went so fucking swimmingly and she was super into it and then boom. Had a date who flaked yesterday that was like that.
Come to think of it...I've actually had similar experiences. Typically if the girl said how awesome it was that I came up to her, she usually came out on a date, but I remember once where the girl asked me how many girls I talked to like this, and I gave some cocky answer like "oh you're girl number 76" and we talked a little bit more and she said "well I give you props...because I feel like not many guys do this". But she ghosted on the ice breaker. This could tie back into what Bacchus was saying where she reflected on it afterward and was like "he probably does this all the time".
@Skippy yes interesting, i used that cocky response too ala "Yeah non stop you're number 85 today, anyways, blah blah..." And then move on. Handling it like a shittest (Tom Torero advice doing it this way) (Zan Perrion calls it "agree and make it worse") however, it is absolutely owning the player frame, showing her "yeah so what?" so it depends on whether you wanna be truthful or not. Here's what i believe... I believe a girl who's horny/player herself/not naive/etc won't mind. She probably will be more turned on by it. However, a girl who's more naive and romantically inclined and want to feel special will be turned off by it and auto-reject. I have got girls in the first category and lost girls in the second category by going with the cocky response. Also not all girls realize what the deal is with your approach. The idea that you "do this all the time" is gonna cross all girls' minds. Also if you make sure to qualify her she will feel special again. Dunno man, the smooth, "it just happened" approach is probably superior to having to pass the potential player objection down the road, but the setup for doing that is not always there (girls standing at busstops, waiting for green light, walking beside you etc.) and i would like to get volume into my sessions. So if a girl walks past me i'll just go direct or indirect/direct ("Woah, you just dropped something" "whatt" "Im just kidding, i just thought you were cute and wanted to say hi"). It can definitely give that hollywood moment as well, seeing a girl walking past you and going "woaah" and turn your heel and run after her. And being like "Wow, you just walked past me and idk, there was just something about you, and i had to take my chance and meet you". I realized my direct opener daygame was stagnating and so i delved into the realm of indirect thought, but then i realized, that it was because my delivery was turning robotic from saying the same shit over and over in the same way, and not because direct open/indirect-open was at fault.
Alot of girls in my experience are just so much in their headspace that they don't notice shit. I have literally approached girls and have another hottie walk past and when i was done with the other girl i would run into the same girl right after, open her and she hadn't even noticed i just approached another girl before her eyes. So if i walk past her for a few brief moments i doubt she will get that much of an effect of "i looked at him first" she will just keep staring in the ground or straight ahead in her own thoughts (unless you mean she feels your presence/energy before you open).
You seem to do around 3 approaches per outing. Can i ask how much time you spend on your outings?
Here's what i believe... I believe a girl who's horny/player herself/not naive/etc won't mind. She probably will be more turned on by it. However, a girl who's more naive and romantically inclined and want to feel special will be turned off by it and auto-reject.
Yea that seems like a good analysis of it! Also sheds some light on why that girl ghosted. If you can sense she's the romantic type the other response that Varoon suggests might go down better "only the girls named Lisa who wear pink and are from Romania". I tried that once and it worked well too, but usually, it's hard to come up with on the spot.
Dunno man, the smooth, "it just happened" approach is probably superior to having to pass the potential player objection down the road, but the setup for doing that is not always there (girls standing at busstops, waiting for green light, walking beside you etc.) and i would like to get volume into my sessions.
I definitely feel that. I've been frustrated by the low volume actually. And I lose opportunities by hesitating too much from approach anxiety and trying to set up the proper meet smooth. I have some work to do in that department.
I figured it's just that I need more practice with getting Attention. For example with moving sets, I realized that deliberately turning to look at her vs just normally turning to look at her can make a difference. But yea there are times when it's challenging like recently I have trouble when she's walking fast and then pops into a store. Or if she's just in a rush in general.
I think a good ROT is to try for an attention grab and if she doesn't notice, just open her anyway. Something Gunwitch stresses.
I realized my direct opener daygame was stagnating and so i delved into the realm of indirect thought, but then i realized, that it was because my delivery was turning robotic from saying the same shit over and over in the same way, and not because direct open/indirect-open was at fault.
Ah that's interesting that fixing delivery is what got past that sticking point
Slight tangent, but I reread that thread on Increasing Number to Date Ratio, and I realized you posted something relevant to our discussion here:
What you write in your quote... Damn. That is so true. Dude, i have gotten so many girls that hook, ask me questions, cross legs, follow my hands when i gesticulate etc. So into the thing in the moment. They even go "Yeah that sounds like a good idea" when i ask them out... And then... Either ghost or what i started calling the "Dear John message". Basically it's a wall of text from these girls that praise you for how brave you were to come talk to them, how flattered they were by you approaching them, how well they wish you luck in the future... Buuut they aren't interested in meeting up again for a second time because XYZ. And you know what man. I think it's because of what you describe. They get back home, they settle into a baseline where they are able to more rationally assess the situation, then they read my text and they just don't feel the emotions anymore. It probably hits them... He probably does it all the time. The spell is broken. And the social frame is down low. Perhaps it's an attainability issue? Idk man.
Maybe either tune down the sexual arousal and emotional stimulation in person to balance the social frame or amp up the social frame with making the approach more smooth and natural...
What you said is good stuff. I will definitely think about it.
Btw lol at calling it the "Dear John message" . Did you end up solving this issue? Or was this partly what you meant when you said your direct opener daygame was stagnating and you fixed it by fixing your delivery
Alot of girls in my experience are just so much in their headspace that they don't notice shit. I have literally approached girls and have another hottie walk past and when i was done with the other girl i would run into the same girl right after, open her and she hadn't even noticed i just approached another girl before her eyes. So if i walk past her for a few brief moments i doubt she will get that much of an effect of "i looked at him first" she will just keep staring in the ground or straight ahead in her own thoughts (unless you mean she feels your presence/energy before you open).
hahaha I can relate to this. It's a little unclear to me as well what it means to get Attention. Does "her feeling your presence before you open" count? I hope so, at least. For example in grocery stores, while a girl is browsing the shelves, I'll just wait for her to sense my presence a little bit before opening. I won't expect her to literally glance at me, but maybe there are ways for that.
On the other hand, maybe you've also had a girl tell you "oh the first thing I noticed about you was your...[fundamental]"?
So perhaps the practical solution is as Gunwitch says, which is to go for an attention grab and if she doesn't notice, open her anyway.
As I alluded to earlier you're touching upon an important sticking point of mine...which is that my volume is abysmal compared to how much time I spend going out lol. Every outing, I average about 1 approach/hour. This includes commute time...but still. Thanks for bringing this up actually, because it reminds me, I do need to figure out how to improve that
@Skippy yes thing is, i DO do this all the time. So i can either own the player frame and double down or i can lie to her "Only bubbly brunettes named Caroline". However if you do it tongue in cheek with a smile and a wink, you're increasing your attainability. Dunno, if she's a testy hottie the cocky reply will work better, if she's romantically inclined the qualifying response will work better.
About the low volume, personally i need to make my approaches more smooth and intriguing, but i will point out that the 10 girls i banged from daygame and the dozens i've been on dates with, were all direct open street stops. So my advice would be that if you spot a girl you wanna approach but the situation isn't perfect, just approach anyways. Have a backup plan and do it. The smoothness etc is simply to increase odds. The other way is definitely works too.
And about the dear John message, that is exactly it, i got another one yesterday. This girl was super into it even and hooked instantly saying "omg that was so cool do you want my number?". Goddammit it is soooo strange. Must have gotten atleast 5 this year. So no, i haven't fixed this issue. I started hooking girls better by improving my fundamentals.
Only one approach this outing. I had a meeting to get to afterward so I rushed home. And actually, I was interrupted by some dude who started hitting on me. He was bombarding me with "NARC qualifiers" and didn't let me get a word in edgewise. Then he started showing me all his credit cards and his driver's license to prove he was legit...well I guess that's one way to build "social frame". Basically, it cut into the time I was supposed to go to Whole Foods, so I ultimately decided to just catch the bus home for my meeting. It's occasionally interesting to see what it's like being on the other side, though.
My Outfit:
white oxford, black jeans, white sneakers, etc...
Girl 1:
I noticed this girl at the self-development section of the bookstore. She stole a glance at me as I arrived in the aisle, checking the other shelf, and I continued to browse the books, moving to her side of the shelf. I picked up a 'prominent' looking book on habits, perused it for a second, and then asked her if she'd read it.
Me: hey have you read this book?
Her: ummm(trying-to-be-helpful tone) I've seen it before.
Me: Right?
Her: yea it's very familiar um but i havent read it sorry haha
Me: I was just thinking actually that whenever I browse these shelves at [bookstore] it just makes you feel more open-minded
It takes well so I talk about the crisp paperbacks and how they look really new and it motivates you to try them out. But it's also a big commitment so I only go with something that's vetted or people recommend. She tries to give me suggestions and we talk about self-development books that we've read. She gives a suggestion based on one her mentor gave her in middle school. (a mentor in middle school? lol)
I go into a rainbow ruse " I get this sense about you actually, that you're a little ambitious and likes to improve yourself. I mean it's always hard of course." She agrees.
Me: One thing which I always love is you know how reading a good book, by a good author...just has a way of transforming where you are, like your headspace. it's almost like traveling.
Me: have you ever looked at travel books and kind of just traveled vicariously through them?
Me: where would you go then if you could go anywhere?
Her: That's a good question!
Her: I would go anywhere.
Me: is it so you can move around or just to get out of the house
Her: I think just anywhere because of the pandemic.
Me: I think for me it would be south america
And I talk about digital nomads, and she doesn't know anything about them. so I talk about a vlog I saw recently about Puerto Vallarta and give a light description of it to try and emotionally stimulate her. After there's a slight pause and I'm curious to see what she'll do but she gets a message on her phone and says "I'm sorry, I gotta go but nice meeting you...oh good luck with the book".
I should've closed her. I need to plan for these unexpected endings. I just didn't feel like she was all that immersed just yet.
Background(5/12)
I left the house much much later than anticipated and spent half an hour at the grocery store. Approached one girl at the spices aisle.
Outfit: Black suede biker jacket, black jeans, gray marl v-neck underneath. Girl 1:
After hesitating for a while examining the spices, I ask her if she's seen the saffron. And then transition into the buy one rpo, I ask her what she'd indulge in and she says paprika and shows me the paprika she's holding (what?? who picks paprika to indulge in) so I cold read her on how she must really love spices (LAME). She agrees and says she loves paprika and goes back to helping me find the saffron and I say how I like to look for when the prices on the shelves suddenly spikes (because saffron is super expensive) In hindsight that was a bad thing to say as it's trying to be witty. She helps me find it and then bounces. hmm...
What I could've done is say something like "actually there's a very specific personality type that would say that" and just leave that as an open-loop and ask her the golden question. Then when she asks what personality type I say "well I get this sense about you that people probably think you're timid and shy but I bet that you have a really solid resilient interior. and that inside you know what you want and you have this quiet sense of assertiveness"
Had a shorter outing today. First I went to get my eyebrows cleaned up, as it's been over a year...and well...the woman went fuckin' Michelangelo on them. They look way too feminine right now lol. It'll take ~2 weeks for them to return to acceptable levels. Sooo in the meantime...this will be interesting Girl 1:
Approached this Turkish girl on the street. I would've tried to stop her, except she didn't quite understand English too well. No matter, I spoke slowly and did the art in different cities gambit. After we were parting ways I tried to number close anyway, but she was married. She was quite pleasant though. Told her she looked a little younger and I didn't expect her to be married. Just as a compliment. In hindsight, she did look like she could be 29-30, without the mask.
Thoughts
Going over that outing in my head made me realize I could've made a couple more approaches, but I was too hung up by approach anxiety. And also, reading this article again https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-do-get-past-sticking-point made me realize that actually my sticking point right now is that I'm just not approaching enough girls. Yea I need to get better at hooking, but I'm just hesitating waaay too much and missed out on two more approaches I could've done, and I could've done them reasonably well too, with positioning and all that. So I will take a step back, lower the pressure and just approach girls while allowing myself to eject soon after the open. Push for 4 in an outing.
3 approaches, 1 number
I went to the big shopping mall area. The approach anxiety wasn't terrible today. I hesitated a little bit too much on one girl and she unexpectedly turned to go to a parking lot so I missed that one. I probably would've been able to approach her otherwise. I approached a girl at a bookstore, one walking by the street, and one at wholefoods. Oddly enough, no approaches at the actual mall area itself. Seems like I always miss catching up to the girl in time before she walks into a sephora.
My Outfit:
Floral bomber.
Girl 1: Blonde with a nice ass
She was walking by carrying a trader joes bag so I just opened her by saying I didn't expect there to be a Trader Joes nearby, transitioned to the mini-vacation RPO, she relates a little saying it's a great area to study and I ask her if she's a student. I thought she'd be stopping with me by the cross-walk but she goes straight ahead and mentions her dad. I was confused and thought he was like right around the corner to pick her up, but no she just meant that she stays with her dad. So this was basically a bad stopping on my part. I mean I opened her while we were already stopped and waiting for the signal because the walkway was too narrow for more than one person.
Girl 2:
I opened her at the bookstore, starting out by picking a random book off the shelf and casually asking her if she's read it and whether it's any good. Turns out, she's actually familiar with the author. I transition to the gambit Kvothe suggested about books being able to take your mind to a totally different place. Transition to travel, and ask her where she would travel if she could go anywhere in the world. She liked that question but again basically said anywhere, with the beach. the convo fizzled out at this point. I should've started waxing poetic about Cancun. And I forgot to do a rainbow ruse. Anyway I saw her later and she actually came here with a dude.
Girl 3:hbhiker
Grocery store approach, she's pretty receptive and is returning the questions back to me. Asks me for my name as well. I started with the Buy one RPO and then asked her what she'd indulge in after talking a little about what we came here to get. She says chocolate, and I say red wine...which reminds me, I can make more of a gambit on this. I basically just go into the red wine reality pace. After she asks my name I ask her what she's up to for the rest of the day...and it turns out she's doing nothing...I probably should've instant-dated her, but I had to take a call later that evening so I just number closed instead. I could've just rescheduled the call anyway. Also logistics for instant dating from a grocery store?? I need practice with that as well. She puts her number in my phone, I make some fluff talk after, and then she's like "okay nice meeting you, I have to go now, but I'll text you".
Thoughts
So I had to take a step back and focus on getting more volume in, and getting those numbers up to 4 approaches an outing, and if I don't get 4, then I should analyze what I could've done to get the missing approaches. Allowing myself to just open and then eject is working decently well because in practice...I can actually take the convo in interesting directions, so I don't actually feel the need to eject once I realize she's quite friendly. The next plan of action will be to push myself to immerse her a little more to make the number grab more congruent.
What I did well:
The mindset shift of just open and get volume is nice because I still end up incorporating all the stuff I've been working on, but I'm just not putting as much pressure on myself. And also a reasonable number of girls will just automatically hook—don't forget that.
What I could've done better:
For some strange reason, I haven't gotten in any mall approaches. Approaches in the main shopping area. I think that's odd. Maybe girls are just moving around too fast or something. But I'll look into that at some point.
At some point, it'll be good for my flexibility to practice both of Gun's "you look like" openers, and also have an rpo for clothing stores.
Homework for next time:
Again aim for 4 approaches. (can sub in with an instant date)
2 Approaches 1 number
Went to the tourist trap and it was packed packed packed. It was a little hard to find lone wolves. Afterwards I went to the grocery store but didn't do any approaches. Well sort of...I did talk to this woman about the tamales, but I'm not counting that.
My Outfit:
Blue blazer, white v-neck, gray jeans, white sneakers.
Girl 1:
I tried a variant of the mini-adventure rpo. One idea is to say how walking in that area makes you feel alive, because all of your senses are engaged. Then use the pacing+leading structure set a favorable frame. Anyway she hooks, asks me if I'm from the area, etc... but she's super add. Some dudes smoking weed at the corner interrupt her and ask her if I'm her bf, and she's like nah he just started talking to me. She talks to them for a sec thinking they were trying to sell her weed, but the guy just wanted her number. She gives it to him. I'm just on my phone the whole time trying to act bored. Anyway, we keep walking. I learn she's an escort and she comes by to the city pretty often.
She turns into a shoe store that she wants to check out, so she offers me her number and I tell her we should link up sometime. She seems down but we'll see. Texted her an icebreaker and she replied immediately. I did screen for her logistics later that evening, but she had 'work'.
Girl 2:
I tried opening casually by asking her why it seems much more crowded than usual, she answers but turns into a sex shop almost immediately. She had some face tattoos as well. I was going to stop her couple of seconds later.
Girls I didn't approach, but should have
Girl 3:
One girl who was originally on the phone, she was hot, but I wasn't sure if I had already approached her. Once I approached a similar-looking girl with makeup, decoration on her face. There was one instance by the seafood aisle where she lingered, dropped a box, and I waited for her to sort that out before I was going to open, but I waited too long and she had started moving on, and went to pay.
Girl 4:
Gorgeous asian girl wearing yoga pants. I went after her but she turned into a supplements shop. When she came out, she walked super fast and went back into her apartment building before I got a chance. Either go in after her or wait nearby pretending to be on your phone or something.
Thoughts
Starting off casually works great if the girl is already stationary but if she isn't then it's still a risk that she's going to turn into some store before you know it.
What I did well:
ya I got nothing
What I could've done better:
Stop girls on the street. Part of the reason I'm not always going for this has to do with approach anxiety. And another part is just undoing an entire year's worth of bad habits of walking along-side girls.
2 approaches, 2 numbers
The sky looked gray and uninviting and I wanted to just chill at home. I was in no mood to go out. So I dicked around a little bit and then resolved to finally go out "just to explore". That's how I usually handle this. But as a result I did leave the house later than I should have.
My Outfit:
Black textured top coat, purple crew neck, black jeans, white sneakers, black gingham face mask.
As I walk outside my apartment, I notice this Asian girl with long straight dark brown hair, and her jeans showed off a nice butt. I was not planning to approach in my area but I just felt compelled to go for it. So we walk a little bit and then I walk ahead of her for a couple of steps before deliberately turning towards her. Her eyes meet mine and I slow down my pace and stop her. She looked even more attractive up close and she had that sparkle in her eye.
Girl 1: hbAquaman
Me: [Mini adventure rpo]
Her: I feel adventurous right now!
Me: really [goes into a description]
Her: Um I've never thought about it that way. I've lived here for a while actually
Me: I could tell actually because you have this way of walking like you're very like...
Her: haha
Me: ...comfortable with environment like it's very familiar to you.
Her: Yea if I was walking around [x district] or [y district] I wouldn't be walking around like this
Her: Um yea I always walk around here. I guess that's why I may give off that impression
Me: I mean there's something about walking that's like...I heard it actually makes you more creative actually.
Her: really
Me: yea...just the act of walking. I mean that's what I do, when I need that extra creativity for my work. I'll go for a walk to clear my head and it gives me a lot of good ideas
Her: are you like an artist?
I say kind of and have her guess a little bit before giving an intriguing answer, she asks where I go to school she's going to start college soon and I ask her if she's excited about that. She tells me about schools she was considering and how her mom didn't want her to pick the private school because it's more expensive.
I mention that my family didn't want me to go all the way to [state] at first, and ask her if she has that feeling of anticipation about college, not knowing what to expect but also a little excited about it. She says she's just going with the flow and seeing where things take her. So I label her as a spontaneous person and she clarifies that she's goes with the flow but she chooses carefully when it comes to solving problems that are important.
So I qualify her on that saying it's the best balance between the two. She agrees that she thinks about safety.
I ask her what she's up to right now and she says she's just going to get some food so I invite her to get some coffee with me and come along but she's like "I have plans right now, but it was nice meeting you , I'm [name]" I say we keep walking.
Her: Oh I never really thought about how I walk (referring to how I said she walked like she was very comfortable with the place)
Me: Oh yea I never did either and then this one guy was like "I love the way you walk"
Her: I actually noticed that, I was thinking "Oh he walks like a supermodel"
Me: Everyone says that! I just think...I dunno cuz you can't see yourself walking
Her: Yea haha honestly I remember for a moment when we were walking together [mumbles something about my walk and celebrity and filming ourselves...I forget, and the audio was unclear]
Sounds like she was checking me out for a while before I even approached.
I go into the golden question and she says she likes movies so we talk about how she recently watched Aquaman. She liked it and there were a couple of scenes she thought could be improved so I ask her that, I talk about breaking bad but she's not super into those kinds of tv shows. She stops to tie her shoes for a second and then we continue walking, she asks where I'm heading and all that.
Her: I would've guessed that you're a fashion major (Ok this girl knows how to stoke my ego.)
Me; I mean it is a hobby of mine. It's something I started to get more into after high school
Her; So what are you planning to do after college?
I talk about what I want to do and bring it back to her and asked her if theres something for her that really gets her in that feeling of excitement and flow. For her, it's trying new things, so I bring the convo to the topic of travel, but only briefly and I ask her if she would travel alone or with a group (She says alone )
We arrive at where I said I would have to go, so we stop
Her: It was nice meeting you! It was very spontaneous
Me: You seem like a chill person
Her: Ohh thank you! I don't usually talk to strangers but...you were pretty nice
Me: Yea you know I saw you and...you know that feeling when you see someone and you're like "there could be a good connection here" you might get to know them really well
Her: Well you got that right, you got that right
Me: Do you want to grab a coffee sometime
Her: uhh[looks conflicted]...maybe...
Me: ohh okay (I look at her through the corner of my eyes)
Me: Let's exchange numbers and I'll shoot you a text sometime
Her: uhhh...I just wanna make sure because I-I-I have a boyfriend...I just want to make sure that things between us are...you know....
Me: sure sure, no worries. yea we can grab a coffee and I totally get your situation
Next, I take the bus to the mall and after walking around and struggling to find lone wolves, I go to a bookstore and spot an Asian girl by the productivity shelf, so I pick up a 'distinguished' looking book and after hesitating for a bit, (ie perusing the book) I ask her if she's read it, just as she was about to move somewhere else
Girl 2: hbBadass
She's receptive, and starts talking about what she knows about the book. So I say "oh you seem to know a lot about the personal development books " I go into how this book reminds me of Mark Manson's book "subtle art of not giving a f*ck". She's like "OHH yea I've heard about that book"
She mentions how she likes paperback books over online, and then I point to Jay shetty's face and say how "I heard this guy is a joke though" and how he plagiarizes his quotes and never was actually a monk.
Her: I heard some story about how he met his girlfriend [tells story]
Me: Oh so that's a really round about story
Her: cuz you focus on your life and whatever else that comes
She talks about how his videos pop up on her feed and so I describe how he talks about how life is not linear, which I agree with.
Her: yea time is not linear either. time is multi-dimensional actually
Me: Hmm how would you describe it?
Her: [talks about how you can only focus on the present]
Me: So do you try to be more present in your life?
Her: mentions how theres so much distractions but she tries to be present
Me: there's this thing with social media and how during the pandemic i realized my time was so valuable so I cut social media
Her; [relates to that]
I ask the golden question (now that she's cut out social media). She says reading and I transition to asking her what self-development books or authors is she familiar with or reads. She's read Breaking the habit of being you, and another book on how to be a good parent (she's not a parent) but she's using it to 'parent' herself and she's really into personal growth.
She mentions how violence (in parenting) is never the answer. Here the conversation takes a slightly dark turn
Me: Oh yea I feel like with Asian households, violence is a common form of discipline Her; yea my parents didn't do it because they wanted to but they did it because that's how they were taught to show love
I say I would never use it to discipline after seeing what it can do, growing up, and how it's a cycle where parents were raised that way so each generation gets less and less 'violent'. but honestly, I didn't want to go down this conversational route. Usually, the details are only something I talk about post-sex to show vulnerability. I shouldn't have even continued that thread.
But anyway the convo changes to where our families are from. Her family is from an obscure region in China and her family speaks another dialect (not Mandarin, and not Cantonese) although she can speak Cantonese. She's shocked that I know of that dialect. And I just play it off saying it's a long story (in truth, it involves my ex). She doesn't ask details but she's definitely super surprised.
She asks where my family is from and the topic transitions to Asian cities. So I say how you really feel alive when you travel to these places, even the simple things like ac and a cool drink are much more enjoyable.
I suss out what her logistics are and she's just browsing for books but her friends are shopping and she's going to meet up with them later. So I tell her I'd like to continue this conversation later. She adds her number in my phone and then has me text her to make sure she got my number and then she sends me a text to make sure it goes through.
We talk for another 5-10 minutes during which I tap into childhood nostalgia by asking her what books she grew up reading in elementary school (we're in a bookstore after-all) I try and figure out more logistics by asking her where she lives and tell her where I live and actually she doesn't come by to my district too often because parking there is a bitch.
This is the first chick I've met who drives around. Otherwise, she lives way too far to actually do anything. My plan is to get her to come to my district by telling her I know where she can get parking. I know of a parking lot behind my apartment that's usually empty, just, we're not allowed to park overnight which shouldn't be an issue.
I end it by saying I'm going to go browse the books on the upper floor and tell her I'll text her and we can get a coffee sometime.
Thoughts
I only did 2 approaches, and I was hoping to do 1-2 more. I did chat up a girl at the bus stop, but I wasn't attracted to her. With the second girl, I feel like it was just easy to talk to her because she was so talkative and receptive. But I didn't do any reality pacing or really anything...I did build social frame quite decently, I think, and a little bit of emotional stimulation when I brought back the nostalgia of childhood books.
In terms of sexual arousal...I think that might've been a weak point. Because to be quite honest, I wasn't actively subcommunicating sexual subcoms. My eye contact was okay, and my voice was unregulated...so it probably wasn't enough. But I also, felt like she was really into me, so I didn't really try to do much.
What I did well:
Went after the first attractive girl I saw instead of waffling about and passing her up "just because it wasn't my targeted area"
Kept talking with hbBadass even when there were tons of people in the aisle, probably listening in to the convo. I hope they took notes!
What I could've done better
Missed out on approaching this other Asian girl with a nice ass wearing yoga pants and a white top. I went after her but then she walked into a—you guessed it!—a Lululemon! I hung around a bit to see when she would come out but then got impatient and went in search of other opportunities. Can't say I saw any other real opportunities though. That can't be correct.
I should've left the house sooner! it's a sunday afterall. The grocery stores didn't really have any attractive girls. I also didn't stay super long.
Homework for next time:
Leave around 6pm tomorrow to hit the downtown area for 2hrs tops. Do as many approaches as you can and then get back to work.
", which spikes her emotions and she cracks up. We talk a little bit about where we're from and she says she's been here for 7 years.
