Break Ups Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

[HeartOfChaos]

Thanks for this.

Clearly a girl who has decided to gradually break up. This is typical "breaking up" pattern. Her behaviour also does not indicate the behaviour of a "hurt girl" who did not get "her man to commit hard enough".

Hence, all in line with the point I have tried to present thus far.

-Teevster

What is the indication that she gradually decided to break up? That she wasn't so desperate to stay here for longer?

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Ditto.

And YET, they do not dump you in such a pittiful way. She was clearly playing with OP during this "break up phase".

That's what I read between the lines here.

-Teevster

Teevster, what do you mean?

 

[Spike]

This is typical "breaking up" pattern

yes. typical of someone who has already checked out. it may seem like it came out of nowhere. at the back of his head he must have known at that point the “relationship” was hanging by a thin rope

 

[Teevster]

Teevster, what do you mean?

"She says "well I have nothing to do here in UK... I know you are here, but...." I tell her, "well, I AM HERE", to which she doesn't really respond clearly. I ask her to try to postpone the flight, she agrees to try."

"I repeatedly ask her multiple times "have you changed your flight? I want to spend more time with you"" To which she is being a bit vague, "I am asking my dad, he hasn't done it yet, looks like the airline does't want to give a refund...Would you pay for my ticket if I change dates? Haha only joking."

Some examples that come to mind.

-Teevster

 

[Skills]

Skills, what is so bad about it?

obviously is sarcasm brother but you did not treat her like a main...

None of the posters that have a girlfriend an ltr don't have a convo like in middle school... "hey would you go steady with me" or "would you be my girlfriend"

You just start acting like a boyfriend.... and with the fuck buddies or mltr you also act accordingly.... Based on everything you are saying, you did not really treat her like a main, but you thought you were doing so....

 

[Teevster]

yes. typical of someone who has already checked out. it may seem like it came out of nowhere. at the back of his head he must have known at that point the “relationship” was hanging by a thin rope

Yes, this did not happen over night. It was at least 2 months long process.

-Teevster

 

[Spike]

Yes, this did not happen over night. It was at least 2 months long process.

finally yes we agree

 

[Skills]

He treats her better than my fuckbuddies. They lucky if I even text them once every 2 weeks lol

yes of course i was trolling....

 

[Teevster]

What is the indication that she gradually decided to break up? That she wasn't so desperate to stay here for longer?

Not having time to see you, not trying to get time to see you despite having been away from you for a while (some may argue that her being away so much is also a sign, but unclear), being ambivalent when confronted about it.

Etc.

-Teevster

 

[TomInHo]

Not having time to see you, not trying to get time to see you, being ambivalent when confronted about it.

Etc.

-Teevster

Teevs man you need to stop

Don't you believe in love? lol

She was just playing hard to get thats all

 

[KJ Francis]

brother the methods of getting a main no matter depress, lse, etc.. does not change...

-you date multiple girls
-they start winning you over
- you pick the best...

does not matter if she is amber heard... op did not do that... this girl should not have made it to main, actually she did not, he wanted to make her main out of scarcity..

It is an odd situation because he also considered them exclusive while she thought he was still on the dating apps...

In my mind a main is not full commitment though... Like what if you want to progress from a main to something on the tract toward having kids? I guess you just take the condom off one day and gradually drop your fuck buddies?

Genuinely not sure what this would look like. I can barely imagine monogamy though so who knows... Question for another day I guess.

 

[Teevster]

Don't you believe in love? lol

No. Not in "esoteric term"

She was just playing hard to get thats all

Playing hard to get? No. It would have been a clear "playing hard to get phase" if she had any intention behind it (getting him to commit). But it is clear that this was not the case here - she was already moving on from him.

She was doing this to get attention and feel powerful (ref "low self-esteem")

-Teevster

 

[TomInHo]

No.



Playing hard to get? No. It would have been a clear "playing hard to get phase" if she had any intention behind it (getting him to commit). But it is clear that this was not the case here - she was already moving on from him.

She was doing this to get attention and feel powerful (ref "low self-esteem")

-Teevster

I was being sarcastic

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Not having time to see you, not trying to get time to see you, being ambivalent when confronted about it.

Etc.

-Teevster

Hold on, when she was here with her parents, she was not able to escape from them, this was the case also in winter, and last autumn... Nothing new

She immediately made time to see me as much as I wanted when they left.

It's about flying back so soon which is the problem of course. And I am not sure how much of it was down to her or her parents (because her parents bought her the ticket and seems like they chose the date and did not really want the hassle of changing etc and apparently her dad wanted her in the country for some unknown reason - she said she doesn't know why. Could be bullshit, could be true). She was a bit vague, but she did try certainly to change dates etc when asked

 

[Spike]

It is an odd situation because he also considered them exclusive while she thought he was still on the dating apps

he was only seeing her.
she assumed he was fucking other girls because he kept their relationship status vague.

Like what if you want to progress from a main to something on the tract toward having kids?

then you have a talk with your main about kids….smh 101 shit lol

 

[Teevster]

Hold on, when she was here with her parents, she was not able to escape from them, this was the case also in winter, and last autumn... Nothing new

Fine, but she still did not try to make time with you after her parents left. Generally, a girl is super eager to see you if she has had away time from you. Heck there is even data that shows they even become more fertile.

Clearly not the case here.

She immediately made time to see me as much as I wanted when they left.

It's about flying back so soon which is the problem of course. And I am not sure how much of it was down to her or her parents (because her parents bought her the ticket and seems like chose the date and did not really want the hassle of changing etc). She was a bit vague, but she did try certainly

This does not match you description of events. Please provide a clear picture.

-Teevster

 

[TomInHo]

Hold on, when she was here with her parents, she was not able to escape from them, this was the case also in winter, and last autumn... Nothing new

She immediately made time to see me as much as I wanted when they left.

It's about flying back so soon which is the problem of course. And I am not sure how much of it was down to her or her parents (because her parents bought her the ticket and seems like chose the date and did not really want the hassle of changing etc). She was a bit vague, but she did try certainly

She broke up with you in May my guy. It's so obvious

Thats why she was so mean to you at the end. Because she was pulling away and you kept chasing when the right thing to do was give her space

It's whys she broke up with you implying she can't love you as much as you love her. She had checked out prior and only finalized that day

 

[HeartOfChaos]

I do not think meeting her friends would have been a bad thing. Do not get me wrong. I even think it would have been a good thing - for as long as it was not him being responsive to her demand (all things being equal).

Yet, I do not think this is the main reason behind the break up. I think it is a pretext, a rationalization.

-Teevster

So what would be the main reason?

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Fine, but she still did not try to make time with you after her parents left. Generally, a girl is super eager to see you if she has had away time from you. Heck there is even data that shows they even become more fertile.

Clearly not the case here.



This does not match you description of events. Please provide a clear picture.

-Teevster

I did provide a clear picture. I saw her as soon as I could after they left, she was always asking when I am free to see her... She was more than eager. She was texting me from Turkey "I miss you" and so on

Regarding tickets, the same. But I forgot myself exact specifics of who booked first etc, I guess it doesn't matter anyway. But the thing is, she was always flying off to her parents, so in itself is not something new.

I don't she was mean, she was her usual self really, we spent time exactly as normal, she really liked the day outings and stuff... It really felt liked a surpise on the day of a break up. I wasn't my usual self either, I was in a bad mood due to business stuff that happened earlier, and when I met her I was a bit detached and stressed, I was checking my phone (work stuff) and throwing it away while with her that evening before the "speech"...

 

[Teevster]

So what would be the main reason?

28 y old self-proclaimed virgin (whether true or not, both are red flags), low self-esteem, and depression.

-Teevster