I had a funny interaction with a girl yesterday.
With this girl, we had actually went on a date and had sex almost 2 years ago. She seemed very insecure, and basically talked the whole time, qualifying herself. I was smart enough to just shut up and let her talk. I asked her back and she went, and we had sex. The morning after she left, she texted a long text saying how I was a jerk for not texting to make sure she got home. At that point, I was like, okay crazy person, I'm the jerk, see ya. I didn't want to deal with all her BS.
Fast forward to earlier this week. We matched on an app again, and she said hey. We talked a little and I said we should get a bite and catch up. She said sure. We called and talked last night, for like 20 minutes. She was similarly qualifying herself. She sent a picture of her in a bikini. I teased her by saying her hamper was messy and she needed to clean it up. She was like yeah lol. I ended the conversation because I didn't want to talk forever on the phone. I texted as we had agreed to figure out a day to get a bite to eat, and I went to sleep. She responded saying a few days. Then she texted again 15 minutes later, saying how she didn't think we were compatible the first time, and me saying the hamper thing was weird, and that she didn't think we should meet up.
Again, this BS. She's funny, because she seems to have very low self-esteem, even though she is attractive. She also talked a bit about her medical conditions (not mental health). I'm like, cool, but I really don't need to know this, and it's kind of weird you're telling me. Moreover it is just not fun conversation topics. Normal people don't talk all about their medical conditions. Anyway, like the first time we met, this girl is funny. She will talk and talk and I can't get a word in edgewise, but she is qualifying herself the whole time so that is good. Then I do one tease over the phone, and that somehow sets her off. Or like the first time, the little thing of not responding to her text about getting home safely. I can't keep up with this BS, especially not-in-person BS.
Backing up, the reason I answered her phone call was because she wasn't receiving my texts for some reason (I suspect it's because she blocked my number after the first time, but it might have also been just marked as spam). So we talked and made sure she was getting my texts. But then we got into conversation, and it went longer than I would have wanted. When you go 20 minutes, you have more of a chance to say something that will lower your chances rather than raise them (like teasing about a laundry hamper). So, I could have used a time-frame, like I'm glad we connected I only have a few minutes though. Then chat, and say let's find a time looking forward to seeing you, and hang up. Too long on the phone is not beneficial.
Also, it's funny because she is "attractive". Maybe this is just the high-maintenance that comes with attractive girls. However, I can't babysit somebody's feelings not in person. It's funny though. What would she expect me to do or say that would make it good for her? Probably nothing. Which basically comes out in what she says. What's funny is that we got together the first time. I remember setting up the date then, I think she called then, and maybe I didn't answer. Which was good, because it kept her needing to see me in person to get the validation. Moreover, I couldn't mess it up over the phone beforehand. Then, on the date, I basically let her talk the whole time, then just asked her home.
In other words, this is a hot-crazy chick. I want to text her and tell her to calm the eff down or be normal or something along those lines. But I know that is not a good idea, so I won't do it. But seriously, there are some people, who you want to shake and be like "you are perfectly fine, be normal". But, then again, if she was normal, she wouldn't be a hot girl on a dating app, lol.
I also find it funny, that as I've written about, my teasing ability has increased lately, and I've sort of been working on that. When I teased her about the messy hamper after she sent a bikini pic, I messed up in this way, though: I first said "is that a dirty hamper behind you? Gotta clean that up" "Haha, you're a jerk (playful tone, I forget the exact words)". Then, I took it too far, because I thought to myself oh that landed, it was the right thing, I should do more. So I kept going with it like "haha yeah it's so messy, gotta put those clothes in the hamper" "jeez, I show you a picture of me half-naked and all you can talk about is the hamper" "haha, I'm just teasing". I went too far. It triggered, if slightly, her guard to come up, like I was doing a bit.
This is "jerk" behavior. Teasing a girl too much. It went past her self-esteem threshold, and she reacted badly. This is great. I'm finally figuring out "game", or how to tease. And, I took it too far, which means I can dial it back, and find a good spot. That is one reason I tried to make sure to tease this time. Last time, in my earlier seduction days, I didn't tease as much. On our first date, I just let her talk basically the whole time. This is good, but I also didn't challenge her at all, which isn't so good. Moreover, I want to have a fun interaction, by teasing at least a little bit. It wasn't even playful last time. I want it to be playful overall.
But the flip side is, if your teasing triggers her guard to come up, then it is too much. Any teasing would have been too much, so none is the answer. Even in our conversation last night, I might have jokes to teased too much. I joked a bit about some things she told me. So too much was just too much teasing. Especially after she qualified herself by sending me the pictures. Then again, if it was nudes, that is more a "test", where she is testing you to see if you will react weirdly. That is where commenting on something in the background is probably better, because it is showing you're non-needy and not bowled over by seeing her naked. But a bikini, that is for public consumption, so it not as much of a test. Unless she presents it that way. But it is less of a test than a nude.
As far as teasing and being a jerk versus being a genuine man, I'm still feeling that out. I can tease alright, but too much and it seems like it's too much, apparently. Another aspect is talking and conversing. Some girls will talk and talk. Even if they are qualifying themselves, what you want to do is ask a qualifying question to let her go off of. Then, when she qualifies herself and talks about it, she is complying and investing. You have to ask, though, because then it sets her up as qualifying herself, rather than just talking. This is how you can use her talkiness to your advantage. Just ask qualifying questions, and let her answer.
Another lesson is to not take calls from girls before meeting up, if there wasn't a reason for it previously. Don't talk for a long time on the phone beforehand, because that ruins the intrigue, and gives her a chance to screen you out. It can be useful if your initial interaction wasn't substantive enough. But if she's already on the hook, then it usually hurts.
I think it's funny, though, because in all the interactions with this girl, I feel like a nice-guy, and she feels like I'm a jerk. The first time we met, she talked and talked at me about all this stuff, and I just listened. I didn't "game", and was kind of just nice, while moving it ahead. Then, she felt "used" afterwards, feeling like I was a jerk. This time, on the phone, I also felt like a nice-guy, just listening to her. Then she feels like I'm a "jerk". It's funny the mismatch.
Maybe, though, it is Hector's article of moving from jerk to genuine man. In that shift, you have to add in elements of the nice-guy back in. Like listening, teasing less, and the like. That is supposed to work better for more attractive girls, because if you over-game it feels weird or is just over-gaming. I'm up for doing that. I just haven't gotten good at "gaming" yet. Which is why I'm working on teasing. However, I can also feel the teasing lead to negative reactions, from doing it too much. Some is good, more is not better. The situation often does not call for more and more teasing. Keep it light, but don't rag on her, unless she has that personality. Different girls can take different amounts of ragging and teasing. Calibrate it.
You just have to focus on the girl, and keep your attention on her, to see what she needs in that moment. Whether it is more attraction/teasing, or connection/deep diving, or momentum/moving it forward, or other things.
Another note, it is good to go after girls that you find attractive, or would be excited to go out with. Reason being, otherwise you might pull your punches, and not put in the concentration needed to close the deal. For example with this girl, I wasn't thrilled about the idea of meeting up with her again. For all the reasons described above. She felt like a "broken" person, and I didn't want to deal with that more. But, she was attractive, and I would have been open to sleeping with her again. Or just general practice, to learn. However, the more excited you are to see her, the more concentration you will put in to do the right things and whatnot. So that is a reason to go after girls you find attractive or otherwise excited to meet up with.